Minisode #189 X-Mas 2010

by iggy



December 21, 2010

Santa Buddies
RD's Santa Stories
Scott Hall was not arrested??
Vanilla Sky impression
Satan uses Hurricane Helms.
C.S. Irwin stops by.
Presents galore
The 12 Days of Wrestlecrap X-Mas

#make a broom look good #disturbance at a gas station

Apologies to those whose gifts I cut out.

Random Thoughts from the Office: December 22, 2010

I'm more than a little saddened that there weren't five SHOCKING SWERVES~! in the WrestleCrap 12 Days of Christmas but hey, you can't win them all.

Christmas and New Year's is a time for reflection, a time to look back at what has been achieved and what may be yet to come. A time for giving, a time for joy, a time for goodwill, a time where most of the world unites under a wave of positive energy and so it is here at wrestlecrapradio.com

Bah Humbug!

All right. I'm sorry. I'll try and be positive because actually things for the first time are looking up. I'm actually intrigued by this whole CM Punk-John Cena business and the WWE are taking time to create new stars, the Dolph Ziggler matches on Raw and Smackdown are a testament to that. Call it cautious optimism but maybe the WWE are finally listening to reason and making new stars. TNA's been putting on pretty decent shows too. The whole Machine Guns-Gen Me feud was some of the best tag team wrestling seen for a long time. They're trying to at least have their storylines make SOME sense and the whole Shore gimmick is giving them mainstream possibility. There's really hope for TNA for the first.....

I CAN'T DO IT! I'm sorry. I feel like a fraud. I just can't do positive. So let me turn to something that is far more up my alley.

Is it finally safe now to call the Hulk Hogan experiment a hopeless failure for TNA? I mean here we sit, one year removed from the move that was meant to be the gamechager for TNA. The move that was supposed to put TNA on the map. The move that was supposed to begin the wrestling wars anew and give wrestling fans a choice again. But I'm going to tell you something I truly believe. The Hulk Hogan experiment isn't just a failure for TNA. It's the thing that has signed their death warrant. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, [but soon, and for the rest of your life?] it may not even be in the next year but make no mistake. TNA is doomed to die and this is the move that's done it.

Before the TNA fans try and come for my head let me try and explain. Here we sit one year later and what has really changed? Ratings are still the same. The whole Monday Night experiment was a dismal failure. The payroll has increased dramatically and a lot of the things that made TNA TNA....just aren't there anymore.

Think about it, before Hulk Hogan entered TNA there were two key aspects that made TNA a unique and viable alternative to the WWE: The Knockouts division and the ability to put on matches that mattered that took everyone's' breath away. Matches like Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle and the three way between Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels at Turning Point, Wolfe-Angle again and Styles-Daniels at Final Resolution. They were matches that took your breath away and left you wanting more because they followed the golden rule of wrestling: They made the matches MEAN something. Wolfe vs Angle was all about respect. Wolfe wanted to make a name for himself by taking out TNA's marquee name and Angle felt this brash upstart wasn't respecting him and he had to prove he was still top dog. Same with Styles vs Daniels. Daniels felt that his best friend AJ didn't respect him, before Turning Point Joe stirred the pot by planting the seed and it built to an epic finale. 4 show-stealing matches. 4 matches easily in the top 10 of the year.

Bring the clock forward to one year later and what do we see? Jeff Jarrett doing fake MMA, nWo by any other name is still the nWo and Matt Morgan leading a crusade against them because Mr. Anderson has a concussion. Don't get me wrong, as we've seen in the NFL concussions are a big deal and everybody knows (or at least should go out of their way to know) about the study on Andrew "Test" Martin's brain. Do I even need to bring up Exodia the Forbidden One? The problem is there's a difference between "Sympathetic" and "Whiny" and Matt crosses that line too many times for the story to work. And now the show-stealing matches are in the midcard, matches like Doug Williams vs AJ, the aforementioned Machine Guns v Gen Me, but like another famous company, there's no hope of advancement. That's when it becomes bad.

Let's be brutally honest here. Almost every signing TNA has made has failed to make a difference to TNA. The only real two who've made what could even be considered a blip are Kurt Angle and Christian Cage and the Christian blip went so well that as soon as his contract was up he jumped back to the WWE to take possession of a title that has about as much respect as the attitude era's European Title, the ECW Championship. That leaves us with Angle, a guy who at the moment you couldn't see Vince wanting, a guy whose had legal troubles (even if the charges were eventually dropped), a known drug problem and is always one bad bump to the head away from either retirement or a wheelchair for life. I like Kurt but I believe the most flattering term I can use for him is "Damaged Goods".

TNA doesn't need this, it needs to show that it is the next generation of wrestling and the best way to do that is to showcase the great athletic talent they already have, A.J Styles, Matt Morgan, The Motor City Machineguns, Jay Lethal, Doug Williams, Gen Me. The list goes on and on. These men are the future of TNA, these men are your ticket to being a viable alternative to WWE, these men are going to be the standard bearers for your company for years to come

If the past year has shown us anything it's that TNA needs to look to the future, not the past. The company as it stands now needs to be imploded, the stars of the past need to be done away with and the future needs to start today. To do otherwise would mean TNA doesn't have a future at all.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

RD's Gift To Blade 2010

13 minutes

Not an actual episode per se (considering the other episode is over 12 hours long). Instead this is the full audio recording of RD's gift to Blade, courtesy of That's Me Sports.

Amidst some heartfelt but lightly funny commentary from our two over excited commentators (one of whom sounds like Terry Bradshaw), the rookie QB Blade Braxton has done what looked to be impossible; he has led his Detroit Lions to the Superbowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Even more shockingly, the game is being played at home. (They don't say where, but my money would probably be on the Silverdome) And even more even more shockingly, he is described as a 'leader in the community'. I wonder if that's leading by being drunk (but only through Miller Lites and V8s)

Down by 5 with two minutes to go in the fourth quarter, the Brakestown successfully gets the 1st Down. However, an attempt at a thrown touchdown is thwarted when official Seymour Plays reviews it as incomplete. But with dramatic music at the ready, he successfully catches the ball deflected in the air, and then ultimately succeeds in getting the winning TD and winning an NFL championship for Hockeytown. He is even congratulated by the Steelers! (Which doesn't make much sense at first, but then you DO remember that Ben-R would probably congratulate him by flirting with him. Hey, you never know!) [You know suddenly I have this nightmare of this audio recording only with Gay Popeye as the star - Clarence]

In any case, I wonder what might happen if RD sends another of these gifts to him. Will he now be Captain of the Detroit Red Wings, playing once more against strong rivals Pittsburgh Penguins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals in the Joe Louis Arena? I'd pay good money to hear that.

189 White Christmas: December 21, 2010

91 minutes

RD knows about Blade's drunkenness before hand, so he's ready to deflect his early bad jokes. Santa likes them though, and RD plays his crazy laughter from another famous bad movie to needle Blade's bawdiness. (Santa Claus Conquers The Martians) He should do that more often in my opinion.

:16 Five year old RD Junior is much more mature than the radio progrem. SPEAKING OF people being mature, Blade wants to continue hosting the show with him when he gets of age, that is if he can survive without dying or being Mike Check's new bunk-mate. Regardless, his local Santa has a barely disguised trash can as a 'postbox'. On the subject of other uses for a trash can, Blade is still thinking with his penis, angering RD to no end. His grandfather didn't have to put up with any of THAT stuff in his time!

:23 Batista's daughter has her own sex tape. I think it's a rite of passage nowadays; you're not a man or woman without having made a sex tape at least once in your life. Fortunately RD is thinking as mischievously as I on a good day and gets his cleverly crafted revenge by 'leaving' for a few minutes. Thus, what would normally have been generic Sad News about some randomly generic woman connected to the New York Giants turning down an offer to work with WWE is made infinitely funnier, as (drunk) Blade is left stumbling over his lines and repeating himself, while (if you listen very closely) you can hear RD laugh quietly in the background. He should REALLY do this more often.

Meanwhile Scott Hall caused a 'disturbance' at a gas station. That's all we get from the Faxtrolla, which raises an important question: Was he being disturbed over the high cost of gas nowadays? This gives Blade license to shout randomly.

:38 'Satan' calls, sounding far more sober and calmer than Blade. Something's not right here...This time Shane Helms is angry at Shawn Michaels for some reason or other. Then again most people are too so it's not particularly uncommon or out of character really.

:43 John Kelly has another bad 'pun'/legal advice about Tara/Victoria's Custom Shop almost burning down.

:47 RD has enough of it all and skips to opening presents. Let's join them.

  • Harry Simon sent RD some video tapes. 
  • Kelly sent RD Rifftrax's DVD of Plan 9 From Outer Space, always a winner. 
  • Steven Breech sent Blade some action figures, some of them decapitated. He also had a He-Man bag clip thing. 
  • Stevey J sent RD some nice foods from Montreal and a Rocky III Thunderlips figure (not decapitated). 
  • Fire At The Time sent Blade Lita's Bestiality Video (on DVD!) as well as some trading cards for the duo. RD got a Tommy Dreamer on the toilet figure. 
  • Ed Salo sent the duo some Japanese cereal. He also found an old tabloid article about Ric Flair seemingly help plan Operation Desert Storm.
  • The Gillman sent a donation to the site, which was very charitable of him. 
With those out of the way, all that is left are the Fruitcakes' presents to each other. (:67) From Jake "Yippee" Lloyd Jr., RD gets his figure and a really old Star Wars game. Jake also sent Blade a throw of Boba Fett and Mickey Mouse as Luke. Stubby sent RD The Twilight Zone's Willie the dummy. Blade also sent him a King Pedophile shirt.

Blade's last gift is perhaps the most interesting of all. (If you can call it that.) (:74) RD sent him an audio CD that's basically the sports equivalent of one of those personalized children's books where they find themselves in the heart of the action. In this case, Blade is the QB of the Lions (and a beacon of the community too at that), leading them against Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. RD plays an early excerpt but you can listen to the whole thing here. Now I wonder how it would sound if I were Captain of the Habitant playing against Detroit for the Stanley...[Hopefully better than this - Clarence]

:80 The Fruitcakes have a 'gift' for the Listeners, which is revealed to be the WCR rendition of The Twelve Days Of Christmas, made through a 'get together as a group' of the progrem's cast of characters. Apparently they've already forgotten about the last time they got together, at the Roast...which was just months ago. Well, when it turned out like that, I'd try and forget about it too. Ah well, hit the out of tune music!

The Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the First Day Of Christmas C.S. Irwin gave to me...
A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Second Day Of Christmas Angry Jim gave to me...
2 Fuck Yourselves (One for Johnny Ace and one for McMahon)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Third Day Of Christmas Gay Popeye gives to me...
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk. 
2 Fuck Yourselves (One for RD and one for Blade)
And A Partridge in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fourth Day Of Christmas Satan gave to me...
4 Virgin Sacrifices
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk
2 Bottles of lube (his wife hasn't fucked him in about two years)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fifth Day Of Christmas Sir Alec gave to me...
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessed Wrestlers
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Years...of your wife not fucking you
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Sixth Day Of Christmas Dixie gave to me...
6 Sugar Cookies (to make a Samoa Joe snowman)
5 Long John Douches (right underneath the table)
4 Possessed Facebook Profiles
3 Big and Burly's
2 Bankrupt Restaurants
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Seventh Day Of Christmas Stubby gave to me...
7 Sleazy Crack Whores 
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches (Gotta love that malt vinegar) 
4 Daemonic Twitters
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Nuts in Dark Journey's Mouth
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Eighth Day Of Christmas Nintendo John gave to me...
8 Power Gloves on the Nintendo (His audience cheers)
7 Contaminated Meals
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Evil MySpaces
3 Requests For Peter Gazer's Phone Number
2 Fuck Yourselves
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Ninth Day Of Christmas Mike Check he's going to give to you...
9 Bumper Stickers (from WSUX in Tuscaloosa, Alabama where he was Danny Dryson, and with Washington Jones did the Wash'N'Dry for the Tide.)


RD: "I like it the song has come to a complete stop while he keeps talking."


8 Super Mario Games on the Nintendo
7 Sloppy Blow-Jobs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Failed Exorcisms
3 Periscopes
2 Assholes Shoved Up (Jim!)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas Midnight Rose gave to me...
10 Dead Cockroaches
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Amazon Chops
7 Premature Ejaculations
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessions Of Sunny
3 Dock Dinghies
2 Meat Beatings
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas B.M. Punk gave to me...


Unfortunately RD interrupts him before he can say what exactly he wants to gift, the Scrooge!


On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas R.D. Reynolds gave to me...
11 SPEAKING OFs...Verne Gagne Masturbating
10 Copies of Maria's New Album
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Pro-Am On The Nintendo!
7 Bottles Of Wood Polish
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Bowls Of Pea Soup Vomit
3 Nights With Pluto
2 Feathered Boas
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Twelth Day Of Christmas Blade Braxton gave to me...
12 Cans Of Miller Lite (and maybe 10 JPEGs of Mickie James naked too)
11 SPEAKING OFs
10 Scars From Eating Some Holiday Pineapple All Night Long
9 Bumper Stickers


Blade: "You're making this song feel like The 500 Days Of Christmas, buddy."


8 Back Issues Of Nintendo Power Magazine
7 Oozing STDs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Linda Blair Nude Photos
3 Not Just Spinach that Gay Popeye likes in the can, Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Packs Of Beef Jerky from JR's Restaurant (and not from that cocksucker Hillbilly Jim)
And A Partridge...in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

Minisode #188 The Misadventures of Black Friday

by iggy



December 3, 2010

Candy Bar Woman at Target
Strawberry Man at Meijer
Wheel Chair Lady at Menard's
Marty Janetty raps for New Jack.
C.S. Irwin drops in.
The Don Mason Championship Belt
Haiku about Juan Cena

#kind-hearted gentle people #si

Random Thoughts from the Office: December 3, 2010

Not that wrestling makes their belts mean anything either, but that's a whole other column.


- The end to my column last week

Leave it to the WWE to screw up the Miz's first title defense and totally prove my point. Okay, I understand it was Jerry "The King" Lawler's birthday. I understand that he can still put on a believable and in fact very entertaining match pretty much on the fly like he did on Monday night. But you know what?

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

It doesn't matter because just when Miz needed to have a strong and sustained push to make him look like a credible champion and not someone who just "lucked out" with Money in the Bank (See Swagger, Jack), he's left looking like a paper champion who couldn't even beat Raw's color announcer without Michael Cole's help.

Why is it so hard these days for wrestling to get what seems to be a very simple premise correct? The World Champion is the face of your brand, the face of your company, the image you want to portray to the viewing audience to say "This is why you should watch us". If the World Champion looks weak then by osmosis your brand looks weak. Because if your World Champion is constantly losing in non title matches and tag matches and being made to look like a jobber (Hello once again Mr. Swagger), then what does that say about the other guys who can't get the belt off him in title matches?

Look at the NWA for an example. Their World Champion had to not only represent his territory but ALL the NWA Territories around the world and he had a very tough line to tread. He couldn't make himself look good at the expense of the opponent he was facing that night because that guy, usually the top star of the particular territory he was in, would still have to draw a crowd the next week when the Champion wasn't there. But at the same time he had to make sure to keep himself looking good enough that the NWA Board of Directors didn't start wondering "Why the hell do we have the belt on him in the first place?"

Ric Flair was of course the golden child when it came to this. His gimmick of the "Nature Boy" was just perfect for getting heat from the fans and getting them most importantly to pay money to see their guy beat him up, just like it did for Buddy Rogers all those years ago. Hey, one of the biggest things ever in wrestling was the day Bruno Sammartino beat Buddy Rogers. And that wasn't even for the NWA World Title, it was for the WWWF (Now WWE) title. The crowd was so hot, the atmosphere so electric that the fact the match only lasted 48 seconds before Bruno put Buddy away with the backbreaker is usually forgotten because it meant so much for the fans. But Flair was the expert at riling up the fans, making their guy look like he might just beat him and yet somehow always escaping with either a draw or a tainted win. The babyface was always a bigger star in his own territory because the fans believed he was robbed. Flair was able to continue saying "I've still got the belt. I make more money than you. I'm better than you." and the whole cycle would start anew until finally there came a night where Flair would falter, like the first match of his legendary 1989 series against Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Steamboat got the rub from Flair that pushed him into the stratosphere and he wasn't on the same level battling anyone else as he did in his wars against the "Nature Boy"

Which brings me to my second point, which I've made before but it bears mentioning again.

Babyfaces sell MERCHANDISE
Heels sell TICKETS

Don't think for a second I'm just a heel backer and I'm totally dismissing the work of guys like Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Rob Van Dam and Goldberg. I'm not. But a babyface is always disadvantaged in wrestling, it's a sad but true fact. A babyface cannot be anything without a strong heel backing him up. [You're only as good as your strongest opponent, or so they say.] Would Hulk Hogan's resume look as good without him beating Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III? Would Goldberg have been half the star he became without beating Hulk Hogan in the Georgia Dome? I think not.

Go back to TNA earlier this year and the live Impact where Rob Van Dam become World Heavyweight Champion: It was the greatest current wrestling show put on by ANY company this year (Note I said Current: So I don't include Old School Raw, although I could even argue Impact's case then). What opened the show? Don't remember? The Hulk Hogan promo about what it was like being the champion and what it meant to be the top dog in the business. Now don't get me wrong, if after that promo RVD and Jeff Hardy and then RVD and AJ Styles had gone out and had either 4 minute TV matches like the Desmond Wolfe debacle or 20 minute snoozefests then it wouldn't have helped TNA as much; but they laid everything on the line, pulled out all the stops and in the back of your mind Hulk Hogan's words rang in your head and you knew WHY they were doing it. Then you wanted your guy to win or retain so he could BE that top guy Hulk Hogan was talking about. From there, the results speak for themselves: the best Impact of the year, arguably the best television show put out by any of the wrestling companies in the year. I would even argue it might have been the best show of the year period. Because for the first time in a long time the World Championship MEANT something and by connection the guys fighting for it meant something.

Turn that to the WWE. Does anyone REALLY think Kane is a credible World Champion? Really? They've had three chances to make a really huge new star this year. And so far twice they've blown it and the other is still undecided. The first chance was of course the man we've been dancing around all column: Jack Swagger, who was buried as champion so far you might has well have him carry a sign to the ring that says "Midcarder for life". Blown chance number two? Wade Barrett. Wade was the leader of the hottest heel group the WWE has had in years, all of them uniting together on a common goal. And Barrett made you believe he would do anything, take out anyone to get what he wanted, which was the WWE championship from Randy Orton, so finally Wade gets his shot at Survivor Series. Finally you have your chance to make a huge star, a heel that can make your babyfaces look like a million dollars for years to come and what does the WWE do? They turn it into a game of "Let's Make a Deal" starring John Cena. The opportunity was lost and Barrett will probably NEVER get that chance again.

Which brings us to opportunity number three: The Miz. He's been building ever higher for a year, getting slowly more and more over till the point came where they were finally ready to give him the ball and tell him to run with it. Then came Monday Night. Have they blown it? Well the jury is still out on that one. It can be retrieved but if it balloons off into something with Michael Cole I'm not exactly confident.

Over the past two columns I've taken a look at stipulations and titles. Are they the be all and end all of wrestling? No. If you can make the audience believe in them, the superstars and characters can still get fans coming through the gate and buying your pay per views. But they do form the foundation on which the whole thing is built, and like any good building when the foundation goes, when the fans start thinking stipulations and titles are meaningless you're well on the way to seeing the whole house of cards come tumbling down. But if you make them mean something and make them believable and let the fans suspend their disbelief while making those foundations strong...Then the sky is the limit.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

188 Buying Buttons: December 3, 2010

87 minutes

Blade being still as lazy (and drunk!) as ever gives RD pause. He and Don went to a Misfits show and went to the dentist's (though not at the same time.) He attributes all this to 'basic chemistry.'

Sad News: The Fruitcakes are currently at the bottom of the FF league...while I am second. Hmmm. Blade's brother-in-law had a fantasy team named the Manboobie Bombers. I'm surprised that Blade didn't beat him to the punch to name his own team that.

:20 Mama keeps breaking plates. RD's latest Black Friday outing took him to three stores opening earlier than usual. At Target the woman in front of RD has troubles getting a discount with candy bars. At Mayer someone had a full cart of strawberries and one (1) cucumber. Popeye is interested. At Menards the Chick-Fil-A cow paid a visit providing free cocoa for all. A woman in line used a wheelchair for a cart. Perhaps she somehow gained temporary superhuman strength to get through the day's challenges? [Well Black Friday Woman would make a better superhero than Subtracting Man at least - Clarence]

:42 Blade & Corey & Don went to see the Misfits while in Kansas. (Blade is also reminded of that time Don peed on a cripple.) Wearing his Rose mask he managed to get Jerry Only to go with a Celebrity TRIP with him, where we find that he loves the Peanut Butter Crunch and calls RD an elephant.

:52 'Satan' calls again. Marty Jannetty is now rapping on New Jack's FB page. His 'lyrics' are so bad that even RD has to censor him. That's unnecessary in my opinion; after all, only 12 people listen to this show and they're probably too socially insecure to contact their local representative to tell them their sensibilities are being offended. Bah!

:59 Was Mickie James exposed? She had some sort of nipple slip and her dress went flying away while performing. Blade is of course very amused.

:63 RD prefers Blade's Question to the one actually sent this week (by Shawn). A minute later John Kelly calls to discuss Jeff Hardy's strange looking belt. He's so bad that David Lee Roth 'calls' in just to say "No." Is he the new Chief Jay Strongbow now? RD wastes time reading about a children's game on Wikipedia.

:73 Someone (Caitlyn) wins on a show (NXT) not even shown on TV any more. The new world champion Miz went against Jerry Lawler for a bit. Blade discovers Hardy's belt has Don's mask on it. Looks like it's time for Jeff to bring out the corn oil! John "Yawn" Cena still shows up on TV despite being 'fired'. His Mexican cousin Juan Cena is now on the air with him.

Seventeen Holiday Syllables on him:
Mexican Cena.
What is his Spanish catchphrase?
"You can't si me?"