Minisode #143 Draftrolla 2009

by iggy

April 24, 2009

Angry Jim as the laugh track
Gay Popeye
Ratings Reaper
Mike Check

#knee slapper #what has my life become

"WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 6b": "The Werewolf"

In case you were wondering about the lack of bestiality, the story this week is just a variation of this:
Take a read through; it's more interesting than anything here!

143 WrestleDraft Radio: April 24, 2009

Ha Ha Ha! Kneeslapper!
77 minutes

[I'll be honest. I've been a WCR Co-Historian for eight months now and this episode is rather...strange, even with prior experience. Of course, just about every single episode of the radio progrem is strange, in the sense that it's just...there, like some sort of absurdist play. (So I fully expect RD and Blade to play in the latest production of Waiting for Godot in a theatre near me.) Of course, it may very well improve its impression on me on successive listenings. (unless Iggy convinces me otherwise of course, as he normally does). I'll still press on anyway. I can't stop now and it would be a disservice to my post otherwise if I shirked my duties like one certain Co-Hosss often does. (Well, to Iggy and the 11 others anyway.)] [I think there are about 24 others, meaning 12 people would rather read your recap than listen to the show. --Iggy]

Today is the day of the WCR 2009 Draft. Play along at home, won't you?

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Image created by KingSuperSpecial

Blade is thankful he's not involved with TNA corresponding so he can actually, you know, live.

#1 Jim Ross is drafted to the show's laugh track. (:03) "Kneeslapper! Kneeslapper!" he is forced to say.

#2 A Falsetto RD as "Dixie Carter" is drafted to promotional consideration/shilling sugar. (:08

#3 Gay Popeye (as a Jewish Jersey man) is drafted to the TRIP (:12), but I have no idea what he said from his terrible accent, apart from something about spinach and blowing him down. [Commentary video]

#4 In some sort of redemptive movement Mike Check is drafted to the Fan Fiction Theatre (:18) He converses with JR slightly. This week, Batista becomes a literal animal by transforming into a werewolf, or something. The Co-Fruitcakes take the opportunity to turn him down while he is busy with his speech.

Obscure Wrestling News. Billy Graham has been fired from WWE, even though the only thing he did is stay at home and collect their money. Sadly only Lanno Poffo can pull that off and get away with it. (:24) His daemonic letter is referenced. Blade's "Chocolate Surprise" gets a rare compliment from himself JR: "Another good joke, Blade!" Tammy Sytch is auctioning a random dress for "Valentine's Day".

#5 Susan St. James is drafted to the Crickets position. (:32) The Midnight Rose is seeking trainees for his Garden stable.

Mike Check is still recording his Book on Tape (:36). Did he ever tell you about the time he was at WFUZ "The Fuzz" in Moose Creek, Ontario?

#6 Question of the Week (:42) once more from Ultimate Kennedy (8): something about the Honky Tonk Man as James Taylor. The Crickets are drafted to answer.

#7 For some strange reason the Co-Fruitcakes want some Interactivity, so Stubby is drafted. He spends his time watching a video of...something, I bet. Well, it's technically smut, but it's not even good smut. I mean, if you know where to look, you can find better stuff than this. (...Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything here mind you.) Now, if you were like Blade Stubby for some reason, and stuck on YouTube for some reason, and were also on a podcast for some reason, your options are limited to say the least. To put it in Blade-style terms, it would be like trying to find something starring Traci Lords and you get that Kevin Smith movie. Sure, it's about the same thing, but it's, well, not. The difference between lightning and the lightning bug, as Mark Twain once put it.

All in all, don't be like Blade Stubby.

Anyway, RD is less annoyed by what he sees and more of hearing Pour Some Sugar On Me, the one Def Leppard song he doesn't like. I hear this is how Blade normally spends his evenings. (And Don...Don Mason dyed his elderly girlfriend pink.) I'm too lazy from all that writing to supply the link, so you'll have to look it up yourself. I apologize for the inconvenience, YouTube recording Blade Stubby. [It WAS here. Here's the commentary video from TNCW. --Iggy]

Shockingly, Mike Check has had enough of his recital. (:54) He takes his leave, his tale unfinished.

#8 Speaking of readings, Sir Alec has drafted to TNA Corresponding in place of Mike. (:58) Of course he is worried of dying too. By mentioning that Mick Foley is the new TNA champion he thus (in RD's eyes) knows more about TNA than anyone. Paul London was fired too. JR engages him slightly, a battle of the accents (by the same person)! Unfortunately Alec can't stay long, he and his woman Ellie and his audience leave for fish and chips. But he does reveal he was a smooth criminal in his younger days. I'm sure it's just nothing of note, in the same way that Chekhov's Gun didn't have any bullets in it.

For no other reason other than it's in the script (what script?) RD calls some Ratings Reaper. (:65) Sadly the recession and improved ratings of the WWE has made him unemployed. It's thus a mystery solved to the amusement of NO ONE, certainly no one listening anyway.

Current Wrestling News. Hulk Hogan understands OJ. (:71) The Co-Fruitcakes acknowledge the show's tailspin this late into the fine radio progrem. I get a headache.

#9 Seventeen easy-to-digest syllables by (drafted) Lord Alfred Hayes:
consideration paid for
by the following.

Jim Ross: Shove it up your fucking ass!

Minisode #142 Midnight Tacos

by iggy

April 10, 2009

Angry Marks sent a care package
Doritos Late Night Tacos at Midnight
Wrestlicious trailer
Mike Check talks about Danny Partridge and Mr. Belvedere

#stacks of wax #blimey wesley

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 6: "Sunny's Zoo Adventure"  

Tammy Sytch A. K. A. Sunny had just made her ECW arena debut. She didn't disappoint the fans. She came to ringside wearing a see-thru silk robe and a thong bikini. She walked into the ring lifted up her robe and bent over to give the fans a thrill. She was now without a doubt the most popular personality in the organization.

The other girls Francine and Dawn Marie, wanted to take her out to welcome her. They planned the whole day together. Francine suggested that they go get a couple of drinks and go to the zoo. Dawn Marie was new to the area and had never been. Tammy agreed.

They arrived at the zoo about an hour before closing and it was almost deserted. It was a small zoo and really didn't have any major animals. They walked around for a while. The last stop they made was the monkey cage.

They were watching the gorilla's when one of them started to masturbate in front of the girls. It was the wildest thing they had ever seen and they started to laugh hysterically. That caused the gorilla to stop. The girls were disappointed, they started to coo and whisper to the gorilla to get him to start again. They tried to bribe the gorilla with a banana to keep going but it wouldn't.

Francine told Sunny "I'll bet you 200 dollars that you can't make that ape
start to masturbate."

Tammy took the bet. Tammy started to shake her tits at the apes but nothing happened.

Francine told her "You have to do better than that."

Tammy was becoming determined to win the bet so she took of her top. It still didn't work so she took off her pants.

Francine was egging her on, "Is that the best you can do?"

Tammy grabbed a banana and started to suck on it. Now all the gorillas were watching and they all had erections. All the apes had cocks a little bigger than the average male, about 8 inches.

Francine said, "You have to get closer so they can smell you." Tammy climbed over the safety rail and put her cute ass against the cage.

Dawn staggered over next to Francine and they grabbed Tammy. They pinned her arms against the cage. "You are not going to take my place in the triple threat." Francine snarled.

The zoo attendant came from behind the cage. He had the key and unlocked the cage. The girls pushed the hot Tammy in the cage with 4 horny apes.

Tammy fell and the first ape bounced on her. He grabbed her Breast and started to squeeze. He started to tug and pull at her.

Francine and Dawn didn't want Tammy to get hurt so they both stripped. They started to shower in their honeypots until the other three apes came over to the cage and started trying to grab them.

The first ape slammed his dong into Sunny's poop-hole with wild abandon. He had no idea he was in her brown-eye and he didn't care. He lifted her up and started running around the cage with her impaled on his cock. Each step he took made his cock go in further. Tammy was scared she would be stuck. Wanting it to cease, she looked down at the ape and muttered the only sentence of gorilla language she knew.

"Will you stop?"

The end.

142 Wrestlemania XXV: After the Final Pinfall: April 10, 2009

83 minutes

The Co-Hostess Fruitcakes record about the recent Wrestlemania XXV like some actual wrestling podcast. There's some discussion of Ricky Steamboat's cameo return to the ring. Blade wants "Ricky Steamboat's Chiropractor" as a new character for the show, but oddly for him doesn't commence his usual mockery of cripples. RD would have him played by Dave Meltzer. Some sort of geriatric wrestling happened (which should automatically include Vince). Roddy Piper was seen with what looked like a chestburster in his stomach. Perhaps he ate too much alien ham. (:06)'s Greg drinking is imagined.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery is no trip at all, but IS sponsored by (:12) They sent him some items, containing a Bobby Lashley figure, some Wu Tang collection, a Lucha VHS, Summerslam's Greatest Hits, a Candice Michelle figure, a Tootsie Roll Bank, and some "Late Night Tacos at Midnight" Doritos. The two taste it and conclude it tastes like taco seasoning. It could be worse, it could have had Mountain Dew flavor.

This week on WC FanFiction Theatre (:22), Sir Alec is saddened by not seeing Sunny at Wrestlemania, so he narrates a story of Miss Sytch getting it on with a monkey. (There was more to that
tale' that what we randomly have that was cut out. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.)

On Obscure Wrestling News (:32) JT Titty is pregnant. Blade: "It means she likes to fuck." Blade wants a BabyTrolla for the show to report on new pregnancies. There's some negative anonymous review of the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:36) The book is "Immature perverted and a waste of time." I like him already. Wrestlemania anniversaries. Craig DeGeorge is on Fox Sports and for some reason working with National Cheerleading Championships (if not with the more normal job with Florida Panthers). (:40). Blade Braxton's (naked) Mike McGurk story with Don Mason (with a bad impression of said Mike).

Some Dream Rapist Time, which we haven't had in too long a while. (:46) Blade dreams of Don making Mickie James cry for not taking her picture properly, then finds Lillian Garcia eating hot dogs, and talks with Michael Cole about Heidenreich's sodomy. Quote Cole: "You know, it looked real but it didn't feel real!" They also share random stories of having sex with barely legal women before Mae Young wanders in for some reason.

Question of the Week (:52) concerns the upcoming new wrestling promotion Wrestlicious. The two watch it. (it's also featured on the week's It Came From YouTube!) Could this be the new WSX? The show, co-hosted by Leila "Naked Girl" Milani and Jimmy Hart, is funded by a Powerball winner. ("There are worse ways to try and get a date." - Clarence "Showstealer" Mason) Blade's awkward joke causes RJ Fletcher to laugh backwards.

Mike Check (:61) talks about Danny Partridge, the Radio version of The Patridge Family and his time at WEBN 103 "The Spider" in Cincinnati doing a terrible Mr Belvedere. He then does an example of it for the 12 Listeners. He should do a face-off with Sir Alec. Oddly that's all he talks about this week in his 10 minutes before he plays a Partridge song of his own.

Current Wrestling News (:72) somewhat concerns WWE's bad time management. And this show is more efficient how...?

Time for a Haiku:
Skank Battle Royal.
You can't tell the boobs apart
without a scorecard.

RD: "Speaking of disposing of something like a dirty whore..."

Minisode #141 KokoCrap Radio

by iggy

April 1, 2009

Koko B. Ware to the Hall of Fame

#frankie #dead frankie

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 5: "Frankie's Quest for Love"

Frankie's Quest for Love

Frankie sat atop his perch, lovesick and lonely. Would he ever find a soulmate?

He had sat on Koko's shoulder for hours as they browsed in hopes his longtime friend could help him find somebody to mate with.

Frankie was very picky, but there were a few birds which caught his eye.

Pauly, Pauly, oh sweet pauly. Wow she was such a delectible feathered vixen. Frankie was concerned. It was rumored she wanted more that just a cracker. She was an insatiable sexpot, known for numerous orgies with huge flocks of robins and hummingbirds.

Frankie decided to pass on a potential tryst, as he didn't want to take the risk of getting any sexually-transmitted bird flu.

He needed somebody more wholesome, and who could fill that role better than Sesame Street's Big Bird? There was one catch, though. They were both males.

However, Frankie was not offended by homosexuality. In the Sixties, he had made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud, in the rain. It was possible that a male slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing.

However, he was turned off by Big Bird's yellow feathers.
It reminded him of when he had yellow diahrrea and would have to stare at it, dried up and on the newspapers lining the bottom of his bird cage, because Koko was too lazy to clean it regularly.

Captain Morgan's parrot was an option, but alas, Frankie wanted nothing to do with an alcoholic parrot. It would bring back too many unpleasant memories of Koko stumbling in drunk after a weekend bender.

No, there was only one choice for Frankie: Toucan Sam. The rainbow-colored beak the Kellog's icon possessed made him randy. The mere thought of them sharing a naked breakfast in bed made him want to go choke his parrot.

There was only one dilemma. Would Frankie's dong fit into Sam's brown Froot Loop?

The End

(My great thanks to Iggy for the thankless job of transcribing the whole thing. I shudder for him on his behalf.)

(141) High Energy: April 1, 2009

78 minutes
by The Falcon

They said this day would never come, but it finally did: the greatness that is Koko B. Ware has finally entered the Hall of Fame. This greatly excites our Birdmen, as well it should. And if you don't share their optimism with this, then why are you even here???

Sadly the Duo are not able to make it to Houston to attend the ceremony, so they've sent Mike Check in their place to the Toyota Center to report on things. No one's arrived yet, so he entertains us with the time he was once overseas in Yokohama, and was Johnny Hero on The Hero Shima Show.

RD remembers when he once met Koko at...Kokomo. That sure was something. (:15)

RD took a FLIGHT to Big Lots to find a Frankie bird for his niece, but sadly he could only find a figure of Tippi Hedren in The Birds. That was a fun family movie, wasn't it?

John Thomas tries to call in but oddly this time RD doesn't have time for him. (:23) Usually he calls in for at least a half hour or so. I guess it's not the case this time on this special day.

The BirdTrolla has some Obscure Koko News for us no matter the day or occasion. (:24) The Great Koko was on a podcast recently saying that he feels like he's in the Hall already. Blade thinks he should be in every Hall Of Fame, even ones he's not eligible for. Personally I want to see him inducted in Cooperstown.

WWE is trying to buy Mid-South (Koko's old proving grounds) from Ene "Ma" Watts. In response to this Jim Ross gives a call. (:28) He's more angered than usual now that Taz is gone and he's not personally carrying out the induction himself. Poor guy, I admit I feel for the fella. He has however, found tape of a Koko Mid South promo for us all to watch. He then promptly has a nervous breakdown while rambling about his self-carpentry skills.

You know what's good to clear that off our minds? Some Koko Fan Fiction Theatre, that's what. (:36) In honor of this week's special occasion Sir Alec has a heartwarming tale about Frankie looking for love.

The Birdmen check back in on Mike Check, who still hasn't had luck in finding anyone. (:44) He dedicates a song to Frankie right here on KOKO.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 4: Ed Salo gets a trick question. (:47) On the other hand Anthony from Kentucky can't answer a simple question. (:52) They're really scraping the bottom of the birdcage for entrants now! Tally: 0 for infinity.

There's still been no new developments where Mike Check's at. (:56) He does however play Blade's requested Misfits song.

Question of the Week from Rita M Booda (:61): The Great Koko should be World Champion forever. I agree.

RD does not have time for B.M. Punk calling in either. (:63) To make a bad pun here, he succeeds in flushing him out rather quickly.

Mike Check plays Snowbird for our enjoyment. (:64)

Current Koko News certainly manages to invigorate even the laziest Listener. (:67) The Honky Tonk Man wants to beat up Ric Flair at Koko's ceremony. I would donate any amount of bird seed to see that happen. There's confusion over whether (stuffed) Frankie will or will not make an appearance at the place.

Mike Check finally gets to party with Morris Day & The Time. (:72) I hope he doesn't get a heart attack from all the excitement. Otherwise where will we get our up to date bird news?

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those pressed for time, you can find a summary here.]

(141) Koko Radio: April 1, 2009

78 minutes

Mike Check as a Radio Correspondent! John Thomas and BM Punk call in! JR is still angry! BirdTrolla! Koko FanFiction Theater with a horny Frankie! Another Round in Year 4 of the Co-Hosss Contest! (0 for 2) Morris Day and the Time live! All this and the Piledriver song, right here on the most exciting episode of Koko Radio ever!!!

Seventeen Syllables to Koko:
Hall of Fame Koko.
Please don't rent a tux. Wear the
High Energy pants.

[For those wondering fellow Koko Radio fans, you can find a longer explanation of events here.]