Minisode #182 Shawn Michaels' Fun Center

by iggy



August 27, 2010

Blade and Don's Old Grocery Store
Time Out Real Quick
Mexican Coke
Piranha 3-D
Shawn Michaels' Fun Center
Trashbaggin' Poser
C.S. Irwin talks about Cookie.
Who's Becky?
Tiffany suspended
Albert Del Rio haiku

#putt putt #socks required

Random Thoughts from the Office: August 27, 2010

You have to hand it to the powers that be at TNA, they sure know how to make good gimmicks. For example, basing a new pair of wrestlers on "characters" from a reality show that's in direct competition to you on Thursday night, thus guaranteeing the only people who'll actually "get" the characters aren't actually watching your show in the first place. BRILLIANT! And these people wonder why they once drew below a 0.5?

Credit where it's due though to TNA and by extension Vince Russo, they always find ways to create compelling characters for everyone, not just the guys involved in the main event. Now if they could just finish their storylines like the Angle goes through the Top 10 contenders list they might just have something.

Not that the WWE don't botch stories of their own, just look at the Nexus angle. How can a angle that was so hot and had people so interested fall apart so quickly? It now seems like a lot of the Nexus is now an after-thought while the WWE has put all of their focus on the two stars of the first season of NXT: Wade Barrett and Daniel(son) Bryan, who isn't with NXT anymore but will no doubt be remembered as THE breakout star when we look back at NXT next year. (I mean no offense to guys like Kaval, Alex Riley, Justin Gabriel and Joe Henning but I don't see them exactly getting out of the midcard any time soon, if at all) The big program that the WWE seems to want to pin their hopes on, the Kane-Undertaker feud, has ZERO heat and the guy who's arguably the most over babyface in the company, Randy Orton, STILL can't work babyface.

Not that I envy the WWE or even really blame them. They have to come up with 6 hours of original programming every week (Even if Superstars doesn't really count) and there's always going to be off weeks, but surely the powers that be can see the inherent problem they have. Hell I could make an argument today that right now the hottest angle in wrestling (Not counting Ring of Honor) right now on TV is Daniel Bryan and The Miz for the US Title, which until about 3 weeks ago I'd forgotten The Miz even HAD still. In TNA it's the same thing, the hot angle is Fortune vs EV2.0 which isn't even for a title at all. It's a big reason why business is failing and less and less people are watching, because the main events aren't compelling so there's no reason to hang around and watch them.

Don't get me wrong. I realize belts are just props, used to get a person over or reward them for their hard work. I also realize you don't NEED a title to be on the line to create a compelling storyline. The past two Wrestlemanias with Shawn Michaels versus The Undertaker have proven that, but wrestling for all of its advancements and all its attempts to move into the future is still pretty much governed by the same mentality that there was in the 50's and all the way through. The main event usually has your World Champion defending his belt against the top contender, the World Champion is the face of your company and you go from there.

Or at least that's the way it SHOULD be. And there we come to the big problem with wrestling at the moment: The World Champion, in BOTH the WWE and TNA is not the face of the company.

As much as Seamus is a compelling character, as much as he's used as a monster and he 'put Triple H on the shelf fella and now I'm the champion', he is NOT the face of the company, John Cena is, it was plainly obvious in the buildup to Summerslam and it was even MORE obvious at Summerslam where he once again "overcame the odds" (And set the Wrestlecrap forums into meltdown). Kane? Kane's a great company guy, one of the best characters the WWE has ever had, but show me one person who thinks he's anything more than a transitional champion and I'll show you a one eyed WWE mark.

It was said once that the shelf life of characters on television was 7 years. It's not uniform, shows like CSI, NCIS, Law and Order and of course The Simpsons proved that, but as a GENERAL rule after seven years they became stale and most people would just turn the channel. Add that with the fact that as time went by you'd have to pay the actors more and more to stay on and after seven years the show became unprofitable.

Now that's with one hour a week, Wrestling, especially the WWE, has more than double that. That's why they created the brand extension, to limit overexposure of their stars. My theory is in wrestling the shelf life character of a main event star is 3 years, maybe 4. If you book them right and compellingly early you can gain a lifetime star through sheer will. The Undertaker proves that point. But after 3-4 years you better have something else planned to take over or fans are going to switch off fast.

That's what killed WCW. the nWo lasted 5 years, or at least was brought back again and again, sometimes under different guises (The Millionare's Club and New Blood angle), sometimes to try and make it seem "Cool" (The Wolfpac) but each and every time to diminishing returns.

WWE, while I don't think will ever be in the same spot as WCW, are in that danger period. John Cena has been on top for 5 years, Randy Orton is at 6, Hunter is at 10. In fact the best thing Triple H could ever have done was gotten injured. You know that song "You don't what you've got till it's gone"? That's Hunter at the moment, people always give him a HUGE reaction when he comes back, as well as instantly forget how much we HATED him during 2003/2004 when he was World champion. The need to create new stars is now and Seamus, Wade Barrett and Daniel Bryan proves they're at least aware of it.

The next five years are the biggest test wrestling will ever face. UFC will threaten to wipe it off the map. By putting the tools in place now the WWE and to a lesser extent TNA can make sure their futures are secure but to do it, they must first stop living in the past.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

182 "Timeout real quick: who's Becky?": August 27, 2010

78 minutes

SPEAKING OF shows about nothing...
This week Blade is 'sober' and 'drinking coffee.' Unless he's drinking Irish coffee or 'coffee' is an euphemism for sex, don't believe him. He sure doesn't sound un-drunk on the progrem, which would be a change from the norm. Course, he's far more entertaining when off the wagon.

A grasshopper named Michael appeared in the Roast instead of the crickets, so chalk up yet another mistake to RD. Poor soul. He tries to get around that by thinking Gene Shalit as the Penguin was on Entertainment Tonight for some reason instead of Lenoard Maltin. He also feels like this show could be the new Matlock and cater to an older demographic.

Sad News: Evil Knievel has been deceased for three years. Even more Sad News: RD's Wikipedia page is about to be deleted. Blade once had to use a cardboard box instead of a trashbag.

:18 Don liked to make dry ice bombs while working at the grocery. He also went down on a girl once without needing any whipped cream. RD plays Don's theme to shut Blade up. Myer's (spelling?) now has Smoothie Bars and glass bottled (Mexican imported) Coke with real sugar that both he and I love.

:34 The Midnight Rose will be at a Nebraska indie show on Saturday. Scott Norton is now truly at the bottom of the barrel, now being a bodyguard for some random Playboy Playmate with a reality show. (In other words, all of them.) Her husband isn't well liked in Indianapolis either for his antics at the Superbowl. SPEAKING OF football Blade wants to bet money on the fantasy football league because he keeps losing due to dumb luck, but since he's ersatz-drunk he's bound to forget to put that into motion, Emperor willing. In the meantime he loves Kelly Brook from Piranha (3D). He also thought he saw J.T. Titty there (in 3D) but he was mistaken. She's actually in training for her first fitness competition. Best of luck to her!

:52 Shawn Michaels is running some family fun center now. You need to wear socks though. Blade thinks you can wear socks on your penis to get entry, which is great if you aren't a woman.

:56 Question: Bob Taco thinks Blade is a (trashbagging) scrapper.  Blade disses the guy for actually sitting down on a toilet to do it. "You gotta stand up." RD: "This is way more than I ever wanted to know."

:60 John Kelly knocks on the door. TNA is going to make an Italian guido-ess character cooked Cooki portrayed by Becky Bayless. Blade is so 'drunk' he repeats how he got into an argument with his ex-girlfriend over the wrestler on Online World Of Wrestling. RD wonders what I'll title this week's episode. [At least with Blade bringing back the argument you didn't go with the cliche "Cookies. Cream. Trashbagging" - Clarence]

:69 Sad News: Tiffany has been suspended for shouting at her husband in a hotel. Who wants to pay her $25,000 bail? Serena Deeb (a name stranger than my own!) has also been future endeavored for her boozing. MVP wants to be a rapper. RD now likes Smackdown now because of Oberto/Alberto Del Rio, but Blade calls him Albert because he doesn't know better. Though, he can call you Becky if you can call him Al.

Seventeen syllables of something to say.
Albert Del Rio.
Translated literally:
Albert of river.

RD: "Sometimes I question why this show has lasted six years, but with insight like that I think we're good for another six."

Random Thoughts from the Office: August 13, 2010

Five years? Has it really been that long? Boy does time fly when you're having fun. Why it only seems like yesterday I was writing that Wrestlecrap Radio Year in Review for 2005, which I then promptly forgot about for 4 and a half years. I don't know what that says about WrestleCrap Radio or my own filing system, but damnit, it means SOMETHING and that's really what's important.

The fact is in Blade and RD we see pieces of ourselves. They never make it seem like they're bigger than the person listening in, and there are times you feel that you're actually there, maybe chilling with Johann and the Quartet actually taking part in the show. The phrase I always use is "True to Life" and I've mentioned before that in a lot of ways WrestleCrap Radio is like "Seinfeld", the infamous television show about nothing, in that you're not exactly sure what the point of the show is but you can't help but smile watching it.

Except RD isn't a total douchebag like Jerry Seinfeld. [And Kelly is perfect as Susan. But who would Blade be? And would Lord Alfred be perfect as George Steinbrenner? - PB]

Also a big key in the continued success of the show is the work that goes into it to stay fresh; whether it's the constant turnover of TNA correspondents, bringing out Gay Popeye, regaling stories with Sir Alec. You never know what you're going to get from week to week. A lot of shows, not just wrestling ones could stand to learn a thing or two from WrestleCrap Radio.

Which brings me once again to the door of Total Nonstop Action and their show Impact, a company who's idea of "freshening up" the show is calling up Doc Brown to see if they can borrow the Delorian.

First let me get something out of the way. I LIKED Hardcore Justice. When you consider the main bulk of the talent is stars who's prime was about 12-13 years ago and some (Well okay, just Simon Diamond) haven't worked a match in at least 4 years it was actually a darn enjoyable pay per view. But what does it achieve in the grand scheme of things for TNA? This was a big opportunity lost for them: they could have promoted the hell out of their Super Impact coming up by just having a guy like Abyss run in and wreck things, or have guys like Fortune come out and try and take the wrestlers out saying pretty much what they said on Impact: "Fuck you! This is our house bitch!" Instead they do nothing, they make a good show, probably a good buy rate, but how many of those eyeballs are you going to get back? How many are going to keep watching TNA when they notice that all the ECW guys aren't there after that one night? If you fail to keep one of every five new viewers who bought that pay per view you have failed as a company to help your brand get out there.

Look at the UFC. On the same weekend they put up Chael Sonnen vs Anderson Silva. Now Anderson's past few performances had been spotty at best; a lot of hardcore UFC fans turned off their televisions after his last fight against Damien Maia swearing to God they would never....NEVER buy another UFC card with Anderson Silva as the headliner.

This left UFC with a huge dilemma. On one hand you don't want to alienate fans by putting him out as a headliner. On the other hand, he is still the UFC Middleweight champion so you can't exactly put him down too far without pissing him off. But you have one weapon, one guy that could save the next Anderson Silva fight from disaster; Chael Sonnen, a man with a bigger mouth than anyone in the mixed martial arts world. And to their credit UFC saw this, they gave Chael the ball and let him run with it by doing what he does best, running his mouth. Suddenly people got re-energized to see Anderson Silva fight. Whether it was because they believed that Sonnen presented a real threat or they just wanted to see Sonnen shut up for good by "The Spider" didn't matter, UFC had its buy rate and gave a huge kick in the crotch to those in the WWE and TNA.

Why? Because they had beaten them at their own game.

Say what you want about how wrestling is fake (I do apologize if I did shatter the myth for anyone reading this) and mixed martial arts is real but UFC succeeds in something that has driven wrestling since the halcyon days of Frank Gotch and George Hackenschmidt, and they now do it better than the wrestling companies themselves. I've always called it Booking 101: Get two guys together, give them a solid reason for people to want to pay money to see them fight and then sit back and watch that sweet, sweet cash roll in.

UFC 117 Silva vs Sonnen is probably going to do close to 1 million buys. 1 MILLION buys. Compare that to a typical WWE pay per view, which can't draw 200 thousand, and a TNA pay per view, which if you believe the NEWZ~!sheets, can't draw 10 thousand. Sure a lot of people prefer MMA to wrestling, and a lot of people are sick of the WWE's PG-13 push, but that doesn't make up a 5 times margin. The fact is UFC is now in professional wrestling's house and it does a better job at booking than wrestling does, a fact that will continue well into the foreseeable future.

Finally though, I want to go back in this column to where I started, the 5th anniversary of WrestleCrap Radio. While there are great accolades that are fully deserved for the guys who put forth the program we all love, there's another bunch of guys who's dedication has also added to the appeal of Wrestlecrap Radio. The Co-Historians of wrestlecrapradio.com Farmer Iggy and Premier Blah, the two of them have shown true love and dedication in creating this here website for the purpose of keeping the record of the show we all love, a process that continues to this day with Blah taking time every week to take the notes and add to the record of shows every week. While he may complain and make little snarky comments in his reviews, [What you calling little? - PB] the dedication he shows shows the love he does have for the show. At least I think deep down he loves the show more than he lets on and like the show itself, his recaps are always entertaining, and just as the show has been entertaining so has this site, and long may both continue to be entertaining in the future.

And before you ask. No I'm not just sucking up to keep my job. Although I do accepts gifts, praise, maybe the odd cash payment.

It's worth a shot anyway.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

181 The WCR 5th Anniversary Telethon: August 13, 2010

182 minutes (!)

It's the 5th anniversary of WrestleCrap Radio. No, I can't believe it either.

With bad MIDI music playing. Blade remembers his favorite moments of meeting Mike Reno and Hollywood. RD's were meeting Vince Russo and the numerous characters the two have voiced. "I would not like to remember any shows without Angry Jim Ross." says he. He also forgot to credit the Ratings Reaper on their disc. Perhaps I should inquire if next time I should do all the detail smoothing... Meanwhile Blade is stuck on feces and the fetish of Bette Midler farting. Lord Alfred shills, as he is always a master at doing.

For the rest of the show the Co-Fruitcakes call and then hang up on the 12(+) Listeners on Skype. Because, sure, why not? RD asks them for one (1) favorite moment of theirs on the show, then Blade asks them a random question on Don (Mason) before RD quickly hangs up on them. Of course, he can only talk to so many in thirty or so hours, and I know for certain that neither I or Kelly asked to be called either. Regardless though, let's see who we get on the air. [I didn't either. Sorry to break kayfabe folks but there was only room for one drunk guy on the show this anniversary and Blade filled the quota - Clarence]

:13 Austin Gilliam, the Gilman. He takes the call while security guarding in the rain. In a lovely Southern accent he likes Don Mason and his attempts to have sex with a midget. He easily gets his question right and is subsequently congratulated by Sir Alec's audience.

:19 Chainsaw Rich, Master Control Operator in NY. The Fruitcakes worry that he won't be fired from his job while taking the call. He understood Mike Check, and certainly liked Blade losing his bet, and many years later RD losing his bet and having to sing. Alas, he fails the Co-Host trivia question so it is now 1/2.

:25 Amanda. She does the right thing and hangs up. Next then is The People's Regulator. He very much liked Sir Alec (Guiness)'s story about Frankie. He cannot answer the question so we're 1/3.

:32 Brandon, one of those who 'attended' the Roast. They have to call him through his girlfriend but before they cause further wacky hijinks they hit the voicemail. So they call David, Angry Jim's stunt double at that Roast with the same Vivaldi music as Alec. He makes a customary bad joke but makes up for it by getting the question. The tally is now 2/4.

:38 Mr. Snatch. He's incredulous of them calling while outside a bar. He's always liked Bedding Man. 2/5.

:43 T-Man from Blade's Myspace. They hit his voicemail too. Blade keeps wanting to call Amanda back for some reason, and this time he manages to get through. She also likes Bedding Man. 2/6.

:51 Frank In New York, the guy fired from Circuit City. He's still looking for a job. He listened to them talk about a Maxim list while on jury duty and couldn't stop laughing. 3/7

Blade has to take a leak and thus makes the show more bearable to listen to.

:59 Dominic "Mysterio". Like me he once listened to all the episodes in a week. He remember John Thomas calling and hitting on Blade for some reason. 4/8

:64 Bob Taco. He likes Jim drafted to Blade's Co-Fruitcake role during the last Draft and breaking down. 4/9

:69 Ed Salo can't be reached because he changed his number. They call Brian instead while RD looks for Ed's number. They hit Brian's voicemail too. They call another guy now, Byron. This time they get through. He remembers a (Horny) Jim Ross giving a replacement gift of Oklahoma Sooners boxers to the guy who won the auction for Katie Vick's outfit but refused to accept it. 4/10 Blade thinks everyone thinks Don is gay. (I just think he's bi.) RD finally reaches a very mellow Ed at :76. He's always liked the original (and classic!) tale of trashbagging. He's also enjoyed reading the Book of Lists. "It's a page turner," he says listlessly. 5/11

:82 Pete. He remembers the show falling apart when the two watch that Tarzan Boy music video. 5/12 Brian is called again and now they are successful. He had to put on his pants first. He remembers Nathaniel being replaced at his job. 5/13

:90 Robert Q, who's written for the site before. He also liked Blade's having something to say, especially when he had to denounce Demolition. 5/14

:96 Prime Time. He liked Jim Ross losing his restaurant. But disturbingly, does his young nephew listen to the show??? 5/15

:102 Roid Raging Douche Chills. He remembers his question being read immediately after Blade revealed he had sex with the Katie Vick outfit. 5/16

:108 Will. They talk to his wife who's also a listener, and also has a thing for her husband's Mike Check impression. Of course - how do you think he managed to impregnate all those women? He is fond of listening to the show while deployed in Iraq, but fails at asking RD for a freebie for the two of them. It was worth a try, at any rate! He breaks the streak of losing at answering the Don question (this one about him famously finding a guy fucking a horse), as the score is now 6/17.

:119 Newt. He doesn't pick up the phone. Blade has to go to the bathroom again while RD calls another guy named Anthony. He had inadvertently led to the duo having their infamous discussion about banging your meat (preferably with a stick). He sings White Lion and likes Greg calling in angered at all the false rumors spread against him and his legitimate web-hosting company. 6/18

:127 Josh. He had once paid to be on the show before. 6/19 At least this time RD actually says his farewells to him before hanging up.

:133 Rob the Nerd. He also enjoyed hearing about how Blade had sex with a pair of clothes. Before he gets any further the loudness of the Don Mason musical sting drowns them both out. He does get to answer the question correctly however. 7/20

:138 Shawn "Michaels" Breeding. He also had to put on his pants before answering. He liked their last year Christmas-themed episode. 7/21

:143 Toom E. Guci, a highly valued moderator on the WC forum. Unfortunately his wearing Jimmy Wang Yang boots at a restaurant named Dick's Last Resort makes Popeye call in, once again without having to have the telephone ring. Mr. Guci gets through with good humor but sadly fails at the question too: 7/22.

[As a somewhat unnecessary but interesting to me only aside, I think these characters and impressions are how RD expresses himself sexually. Blade, the sexually frustrated bachelor who drinks a lot and is a general raconteur is always a rowdy man to be around. This shows in his (drunken) speech of course. but also shows in the majority of the characters he voices. RD on the other hand, the more stable based man with a happy family and an occupation which sends him to Disneyland a lot, is much more subtle and indirect in how he 'handles' the matter (nudge nudge wink wink). It's very much a meeting of opposites in that regard. (And no, I'm still not Clarence.)] [Intresting theory. I may have to steal it. I shall call it The "Blah" defence - Clarence]

:150 Stevie J. of Angry Marks. At this point everyone is tired, but Blade still (drunkenly) talks to Lady J. about something or other. I couldn't catch the skein of what he was trying to say. Mr. J also likes trashbagging, but isn't good at this Don Mason trivia sadly. 7/23.

:161 Taylor, the valedictorian Blade mentioned last year, gets applause from the (still awake) audience. He also wonders if Blade wants to have sex with his grandmother. He can still remember the first episode, RD wondering if Blade is "ready for this." The man's as witty as I, he'll go far in this company I think. Sadly, he cannot answer the question, leaving our final Don Mason tally at 7 out of 24.

Tsk tsk. If those people were frequent readers of this site that percentage would be much higher, let me tell you! [/shill]

Blade interrupts himself with Sir Alec reading a letter from another man named Tony Nagle (:170) and John Kelly being quieter than usual, but at last Blade gets himself to sing about the show.

RD (still wanting a tear in Robert Gibson's glass eye): "I know I don't like where this is going."

Minisode #180 She's Gonna Like It

by iggy



August 6, 2010

Potential Spin-Offs
Barq's Red Cream Soda
Molly Holly gets engaged.
Mike Check calls from prison.
C.S. Irwin talks about Samoa Joe's suspension.

#almost makes me mad #dollar 99

Random Thoughts from the Office: August 6, 2010

Hmmm. So my computer decides to try and commit suicide the very same week the lords of WrestleCrap induct That Fucking Match. Coincidence? I think not, but I (and some very good anti virus and spyware software) have brought it back from the depths and so I can do this week's column.

This weekend sees TNA's Hardcore Justice Pay Per View and ironically for TNA it's probably going to draw more buys than their own pay per views if the alleged numbers are to be believed. But I wonder if their numbers come at a higher cost to them than just financially.

You see, TNA to me has always had a huge problem from the moment it began, a problem that may ultimately lead to its downfall. A problem that really is so elementary it shouldn't happen. That problem is Brand Identity.

Think of the WWE; even as sad as they are now you know what they stand for, which is putting out a solid wrestling product. Even in a PG-13 environment they try to make compelling stars like John Cena or Triple H or even Kane and Ted DiBiase, guys who've gone away and made films but yet are still known as WWE Superstar,s and if you ask an average joe on the street "what is WWE?" you'd probably get the answer "That wrestling company".

The WWE makes stars, no question, but one of my favorite games is 'what if?' That's why I've always been a huge fan of the Rewriting the Book series, initially written by Jed Shaffer, now controlled well by both Simon Rawls and Neil Cathan: it makes you wonder about moments in wrestling history in a different light, it makes you think and it's very entertaining to read. It's something I aspire to be like with these Random Thoughts columns (I never said I was always SUCCESSFUL at it). But there's one 'what if' that I've never seen played out and it's the one that always plays in my mind.

What if Hulk Hogan chose to stay with the AWA? He was already massive over there, even as "Old School" as Verne Gagne was you'd have to imagine that it was only a matter of time until Hogan would have HAD to be given their World Championship, if only to not alienate the fans that were loving and supporting him in his quest to gain the belt. There's every chance had Hogan stayed with the AWA that we would be talking about Verne Gagne as the most powerful man in wrestling, not Vince McMahon.

But it's not to say Vince wouldn't have had another ace up his sleeve; Jimmy Snuka was just as over as Hogan after his feud with Roddy Piper, Roddy himself may have become the greatest heel champion the world of wrestling had ever know. Or maybe, having been spurned by Hogan, Vince puts a pile of cash in front of Ric Flair and makes him a megastar.

More than likely though wrestling would never have evolved, it was Vince's marketing foresight along with Hogan's charisma and sheer marketability that provided the launch for the WWE as we know today. Together the two created a juggernaut. Separate, it would have been as sad as a broken marriage.

That's my point: the WWE makes stars out of guys who aren't exactly the greatest wrestlers of our time. Roddy Piper could work a good match but those were few and far between, yet when the WWE gave him a microphone and allowed Roddy to get "Rowdy" they created one of the greatest heels in wrestling. they took a journeyman wrestler like Ted DiBiase Sr. and created a gimmick of the Rich Snob that made him iconic in the eyes of the wrestling world. And let's not EVER forget the case of one Jim Hellwig.

WCW had their own stars too. Goldberg, DDP, Flair, Sting. All of them were unique to their brand and the letters WCW were synonymous with great wrestling action; then Eric Bischoff came in and shook up the world with the nWo and a new juggernaut was born.

ECW? Here we are nine years after they closed and when fans see Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Stevie Richards and co in a ring they still chant the letters. ECW was the promotion that could, the one that stuck into every rebellious teenager's heart. It was a promotion that was theirs and theirs alone and they did by never talking down to the fans, never being condescending to them. ECW gave the fans what they wanted from the moment of inception till the day they died, and that spirit never left the hearts of the true believers.

But TNA? Ask the same average joe 'What is TNA?' And your answer in most cases is probably going to be "Tits and Ass". But even that can be overcome: they've lasted this long with the stupid name but the major problem is one they seemingly have no want to solve. They don't create stars. Name one guy besides AJ Styles and Samoa Joe who's even come close to being said "Oh he works for that TNA group right". Every other star has had their name made elsewhere, mostly the WWE. Kurt Angle has become a TNA star by osmosis and longevity there and he's now at the point where most casual fans realize he's a TNA star. But what about the rest of them? RVD is an ex-WWE guy. Jeff Hardy is an ex-WWE guy. Mr Anderson is an ex-WWE guy. Tommy Dreamer is an ex-ECW guy. Guys like Abyss, Desmond Wolfe, The Pope, Beer Money and the Motor City Machineguns spend so much time trading victories in the mid-card that they never get over to the point where a casual fan can say they're uniquely TNA. Even the Knockout Division, one of their strong points has been decimated to the point where it's tough to actually name anyone in it (People may know the Beautiful People as a stable for example but it's tough to name the actual members for the casual fan.)

Now they bring in ECW and try and give them more spotlight to get where they want to be. There's a line of advice that should really ring loud and true for TNA but never seems to. "Those that fail to learn from the past are doomed to repeat it". The WWE got two great Pay Per Views out of ECW no doubt but when they gave them their own TV time the idea ultimately failed. Granted that was primarily because the WWE didn't want to make the show even remotely seem like ECW but the point still remains. The WWE, with all their experience and all their marketing savvy could not resurrect ECW. So what chance do TNA, who can't even sell their OWN product have?

It's fast becoming time for tough love for TNA. They have to stop the madness, stop trying to be like everything for everyone, stop bringing back the old stars like a Hulk Hogan or a Tommy Dreamer and create and forge their own identity, with their own stars, their own style and their own unique slant on their wrestling business. Just like any business starting out, not just in wrestling but in any form of life.

And they have the man to begin that legacy for them, if he's willing to let his ego subside and do what he says he would do, make TNA a force: Hulk Hogan, because from the ashes of his legacy if he allows it to be destroyed, the phoenix of TNA can rise anew.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

180 Drinking with the (Big Nippled) Stars: August 6, 2010

60 minutes

The "Celebrity" Roast has finally shipped to acclaim by many...but not the Midnight Rose, as RD forgot to credit his appearance. He fears for his life now. Next stop for WCR: TV! The two discuss numerous possibilities for spin-offs. Blade in particular is so drunk he's using the old headphones again.

:11 The worst match on TNA, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, is inducted. RD's attempts to go to Cincinnati for some root beer is once more interrupted by Blade's fucking random ramblings that make the show three hours long and which almost serve to enrage RD yet again. He somehow gets through with a straight face. (They have Barq's in the place where I live but I always stick with the original - A&W.) Blade meanwhile went to a concert to try and have sex with half-naked 14 year olds.

:24 Molly Holly AKA Nora Greenwald is engaged to a former recovering drug addict whom she met while in her more responsible job these days drug counseling. She wants to have sex as soon as possible. RD wonders if she will hate it since she's never done it before. Regardless, this is Very Happy News for all save Blade Brakestown and all his missed opportunities. I mean, really. All the women he's met and failed to further connect with, those Big Announcements that he's always failed to big announce, his singing 'career', his team (although it's not his fault I admit), his occupation calling for a certain use of trash bags...I'd call him a modern day Job in the Biblical sense, if Job was a drunkard hobo co-hosting a long running Internet progrem. I'd rather call him a Job in the wrestling sense instead. Jobbing Jobber Job, perhaps? Someone get Vince Russo to create him for TNA and have him shoot all the time as some sort of meta-referencing to the wrestling business.

:32 Our old friend Shelly "BNV" Martinez wants to get on Dancing With The Stars, despite the fact that both show and lady have been as popular these days as BP. HOWEVER...this would be a definite license to print money for all involved. She'd be more of a star than around half the roster for the season, and would definitely move better than if they had, say, Joanie Laurer bumble around the floor in an 'attempt' to dance the quickstep. Plus you could have Tom Bergeron co-host RAW and do a heel turn on his show, perhaps calling it some sort of weak imitation of his old Hollywood Squares. It's a win-win!

:36 Question: Batman Plus Robin Equals The Conway (2) asks a rather sexual question, but instead of Popeye calling in Mike Check does instead. He can apparently do those nowadays due to him being...sexual with his fellow inmates. In the midst of his own jobbing he does remember his days in New Haven, Connecticut's WDOL "Dollar 99" co-hosting a business show with his then woman DJ called Bounce Check Money Matters. [I am SO writing a Sit-Com with that title. I can see it now....Bounce Check Money Matters: Starring Paul Heyman and Urkel: LICENCE....TO PRINT.....MONEY - Clarence] I bet you Jim Kramer was one of his disciples. 

:45 John Kelly's TNA 'reporting' is essentially repeating what the Co-Fruitcakes say. He doesn't even provide anything new! If you notice, RD says Hulk Hogan IS with us and Samoan Joe has been future endeavored and John just makes bad quips in response. That's not even news at all! He probably doesn't note down what he wants to mention on his trip between Florida and Kansas (his hands are full of holding his sunglasses), and thus the exhaustive journey between the two states makes him forget what he wants to say and just makes him subconsciously parrot the duo.

:49 In a further attempt to (fail at) salvage itself, TNA dedicated a full taping just to ECW. Sadly Francine was a no-show. RD would prefer watching Shawn Michaels and his wive on a hunting show. (:54)

Better lay 'em on us:
So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.