Episode 72: Holy Traffic Violations!: December 25, 2022

The Catwoman Goeth
December 29, 1966
"Though Batman escapes the Sandman's trap, Robin is left to wander in a deadly maze. A clue leads Batman to Catwoman's lair, where he informs her of Sandman's plans to elope with J. Pauline Spaghetti and keep her fortunes to himself. Enraged by the Sandman's trickery, Catwoman sets out after him. Batman, with the now-rescued Robin, also follows, and the group meet up at Spaghetti's old deserted pasta factory."
49 minutes

RD: Big Fan of Childish Claptrap. Is that a new villain?

Vince is still feeling his cold from earlier in the day but he's pushing on regardless. He's saddened that Jeff Lane hadn't sent him any gifts before he started recording with RD. 

RD won't apologize for Beaver Cleavage. He also doesn't understand Lou Albano. He did find that Michael Rennie was Klaatu (Barada Nikto) in The Day The Earth Stood Still.

Narrator: "For you, of course, some time has passed. For the Caped Crusaders, mere seconds!"

Elsewhere as Batman struggles to be hit by falling needles which keep missing, Robin awakens to Sandman gleefully saying he killed Batman. Robin, not Sandman.
Robin: "You fiendish quack!"
Sandman: "To the medical eye, such childish claptrap means only one thing, young man: you need some sleep."
So he throws enough sleeping powder to make Robin look like a drug addict. Vince: "Like a wrestler." Sadly he does not name names. RD: "You gotta pay extra for that."
Sandman tells his goons to take Robin's body to the Batmobile to dispose of at Catwoman's lair.

Meanwhile Batman's trap is so useless one of the needles breaks him free of his restraints, allowing him to use his utility belt to pull a release lever. (:09)

Catwoman is told of Batman's "death", which strangely doesn't faze her despite her last appearance almost leading to her dream goal of a kiss. She sends Robin off with one of her goons.
Catwoman: "How did things go with J. Pauline Spaghetti?"
Sandman: "It shouldn't be long before her entire fortune is in my control, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Your control?"
Sandman: "Our control."
He goes to discard the Batmobile and plan to "have the last word, which will be the word that counts."
Catwoman: "For such a highly respected criminal, there's something insidiously untrustworthy about Sandman. Whereas he has only one life, I wonder if he realizes that a cat has nine."

A sign by a third grader gladly tells us of "Catwoman's Amazing Maze". 
Narrator: "What do we have here in the depths of the newly-renovated catacombs? A maze?"
Robin awakens again as Catwoman gloats that Mooney is also stuck inside it. He hesitates so she has to pull out her gun.
Catwoman: "This Catamizer contains deadly catasonic acid, Boy Wonder. Which do you prefer? Taking a chance on getting out of the maze in an hour, a week, a year? Or being catalyzed here in a matter of seconds?
She then flips on a clearly labelled "High Voltage" switch as Robin zaps himself on a cheap chain link fence.
Robin: "Holy voltage!"
Vince is reminded of TNA's perhaps worse attempt at an electrified cage, which for once was not his idea (or so he says).

Meanwhile Batman has to resort to calling Gordon from a pay phone. "I know Robin too well to believe he'd ever betray me and embrace a life of crime. I'm certain Sandman has turned him into a sleepwalker." However he does not the Undynamic Duo to help find him, knowing their uselessness, so he asks them to instead protect "billionaire noodle queen" Spaghetti.
Batman: "I must get to the Batcave as fast as possible."
Gordon: "Let me send a police car."
Batman: "A needless waste of taxpayers' money, commissioner. Gotham City's transit line is the world's most rapid."
Now I'm seeing Batman in full outfit patiently standing in the middle of a crowded subway car being completely ignored by everyone else.

Gordon (to O'Hara): "With Robin kidnapped, the Batmobile missing, J. Pauline Spaghetti somehow in dire danger, and both Catwoman and Sandman deeply involved...I've never said this before, Chief O'Hara, but for once, it looks as if our side has fumbled the ball."

Batman Batwalks his way from Wayne Station into the Batcave where Alfred is polishing the Batcycle.
Alfred: "Sometimes I can't help wondering if the hazards of crime-fighting are really worth the goal."
Batman: "That, Alfred, has never entered my mind."
They use the Batmobile Tracking Graph to find it is a run-down factory area.
Cut to a sign displaying "Run-down factory area" as Sandman is driving the Batmobile. "It won't be found too soon in this run-down factory area." RD wonders how he managed to get to drive it. Perhaps he put the car's security system to sleep.
Alfred suggests Batman request Gordon's help, but he declines since the vehicle is his personal responsibility rather than just stating Gordon is hopeless. So he is offered the Alfcycle. "A wise solution."

At the run-down factory area (:22) James Brolin reappears as a police officer finding the parked Batmobile. At least Catwoman is not disguised as an old woman this time.
Other officer Dan: "That's funny, that looks just like the Batmobile."
Reggie (Brolin): "All the new cars look alike this year."
Dan: "Maybe they all look alike to a rookie cop, Reggie, but when you've been on the force longer, you'll see some difference."
Reggie: "Registered to a guy named Batman, all right. With no street address. And he left the keys in the ignition. Two traffic violations right there. Vehicle code numbers -"
Dan: "It's not like Batman to do that."
Just then Batman runs up from "citizen" Alfred's cycle. Reggie asks for an ID while Dan tries telling him to relent: "He's got pull with Gordon and O'Hara."
Reggie: "I say impound the car and run him in."
Dan is willing to let Batman go (once they return his keys to him). He asks if they also saw Robin.
Reggie: "Who's Robin?"
Dan: "Oh you've really got a lot to learn, Reggie."
RD wonders on the police's hiring practices. "Where do they find these nitwits that would not even know who Batman and Robin are?" 

Meanwhile Robin is still "lost and confused" as he finds Mooney "in the inescapable center of Catwoman's torturous trap." They bemoan the situation as Catwoman looks on from above in yet another sensuous manner.

Regardless of outcome this is the last we see of Mooney for some reason. (:27) There's also not much information on actor Jeanie Moore and her sporadic work to be found...unless you're as persistent as RD, who found she was Ernie Hudson's first wife. (Also he looks way younger than than he should be in his mid-70s. Perhaps he is a god.) Regardless Vince was not impressed, giving her a "nice" 3 Batpoles. RD gives a 6.

That diversion aside, in Gordon's office Batman calls to inform on the Batmobile being found by somewhat nitwit officer Dietrick and his even worse rookie sidekick Hogan. "A credit to your department, commissioner!"
O'Hara was assigned to Spaghetti, so of course he's also incompetent enough to let Sandman drug him and take her away, as he manages to relay in another phone call.
Gordon interrupts him for a third phone call, a Mr. Tuthill of Gotham City Security Trust, a bank. Apparently an hour ago some Dr. Somnambula entered his branch with Spaghetti of whom he's eloping with (to her own island), and gave him Catwoman's address to relay to Batman.
Gordon: "It's grand larceny, that's what it is. Not to mention fraud, swindle, extortion, and a vicious and sinister plot."
Vince wonders what is the crime of being genuinely smitten with someone.

Batman goes to Catwoman with a plea to help her catch Sandman. She agrees.
Batman: "Where's Robin?"
Catwoman: "Who?"
They go back in forth in their flirtatious combat, which makes RD think of her as moist for some reason (and which offends Vince for some reason). She directs him to her maze and tells her goons to prepare to leave for the Canary Islands - just as the Undynamic Duo and some officers come in to just...arrest her?
The police actually doing something? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within a lair?
It's probably just the Northern Lights or something.

O'Hara: "Where ever there's a cat, Catwoman, there's usually a back alley."

And of course Batman finds handling the maze and rescuing Robin so easily it is done in the space of a Narration. ("Yes." "May I see it?" "No.") Instead we need the stock footage from the Movie of the Batboat being clearly driven by their stunt doubles.

The island is where Pauline's previous husbands are all buried. "J. Peter Spaghetti, he fell into a kneading machine. And my second husband, J. Phineas Spaghetti, he dried to death on a vermicelli tray. And my third husband, J. Patrick Spaghetti, cut. You know those revolving knives that cut noodles into bite-size pieces? And J. Paul Spaghetti, he stumbled into a steam cylinder. He expanded to three times his size. Not a bit pasty."
Sandman, finding out his wife to be is a black widow, then sees a plague for a fifth plot. "Oh, doctor dear, a wise woman must look ahead. ... I wonder what's happened to the minister I called."
Sandman: "He probably stumbled into something."

The Dynamic Duo show up on time for the fight, including Batman punching a really obvious Sandman stunt double in the face. The goons are dumped in spaghetti sauce and Sandman is dropped into a giant pot attempting to "escape" water hose noodles like he's in an Ed Wood movie. "Noodles," he states in defeat. All throughout Pauline has been naturally asleep. 

That finally done, Bruce and Dick return from their "camping trip" to Stately Wayne Manor. Aunt Harriet has commissioned an architect who wants to make a maze in the garden. Alfred thinks it may be hard to solve.
Bruce: "Actually, not so tricky, Alfred. You see, most mazes are based pretty much on the same pattern. Upon entering, you turn to your left. On the first two occasions where you have a choice, you keep right, thereafter you keep to your left."
Dick: "Is that how you found - I mean, uh, is that how it's done?"
Bruce: "For some unknown reason, they attract cats by the thousands. They're also strangely sleep-inducing, undoubtedly due to the hypnotic effect of the irregular pattern."
Harriet decides for a regular lawn instead.

One benefit to a video progrem is actually seeing gifts being opened. (:44) Vince had sent a '66 Batbook. RD had sent a (Headknockers) Bobblehead of the Dark Knight.

  • Special Guest Villain: Sandman (Michael Rennie)
  • Extra Special Guest Villainess: Catwoman [5] (Julie Newmar) [4]

  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 2. Needles literally missing the point. Escaping a maze within one off-screen.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Barbara Streisand
  • (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. James Brolin

Episode 71: Holy Mattress!: December 18, 2022

The Sandman Cometh
December 28, 1966
"Catwoman and the Sandman have teamed up, and they're after the fortunes of J. Pauline Spaghetti, a rich insomniac. Catwoman pulls a publicity stunt, getting the Sandman (under the guise of "Dr. Somnambula") an invitation to Spaghetti's penthouse - and her financial records. Batman and Robin investigate the situation, but soon find themselves trapped by the criminals."
61 minutes

RD: Ho Ho Ho!!! He's wearing his Santa hat. Vince is trying to record while getting through a cold. RD does not like visualizing Vince in a hot tub.  

Narrator: "Another pleasant night steals over Gotham City. And SPEAKING OF stealing: what unholy alliance is this? The Catwoman and that cunning continental criminal, the Sandman?" 

Sadly the Sandman is not a wrestler with a cane and a drinking problem, but an older fellow in a fur coat. The Bros argue on his age for some reason. 

The two villains are arguing in her Lair. Catwoman: "My record's been clean for months." (So, a couple of weeks then?) He leaves to meet his goons Snooze and Nap, she her Kitty and Cattie and Catarina. Their aim is to rob one J. Pauline Getty Spaghetti, though of course either is willing to betray the other to achieve it. 

Catarina: "I have fed the catfish, Catwoman. Watered the caterpillar ferns. And we made your couch in your favorite cat-skin comforter. Now I should pick up some fresh catnip." (She leaves)
Catwoman: "Hmmm...Fresh catnip? At this time of night?"
She sees Catarina is actually an undercover police officer named Mooney placing a call to Gordon. For this one occurrence RD gives the Commissioner actual applause. 

Catwoman gets the jump to meow loudly into the phone.
Gordon: "Just as we suspected, Chief O'Hara. Sandman and Catwoman are in cahoots!"
O'Hara: "'Tis an ill wind that blows across this proud borough tonight."
Gordon: "I hesitate calling on Batman at this hour, but -"
O'Hara: "Especially since no crime has been committed."
Gordon: "No crime? My every instinct tells me that a member of our own fine force, Policewoman Mooney, is in dire danger! And who knows what may follow when Gotham City's foremost female felon, Catwoman, has aligned herself with Europe's crack criminal, Sandman? I must alert the Caped
Crusader for the sake of us all."

At Stately Wayne Manor (:16) bra-ed Aunt Harriet hears the Batphone ringing in Bruce's study. 
Alfred: "No doubt some of his Hi-Fi equipment needs adjusting."
Unfortunately Batman is supposedly out of town on "personal business", according to Alfred, saddening Gordon to no end.
Gordon: "I'm afraid we've been overlooking something, Chief O'Hara. Batman has a life of his own which we know nothing about."
O'Hara: "Well, even Batman is entitled to a wee bit of privacy."
So they light up the Batsignal.

RD still has his old Indiana hillbilly accent that appears sometimes. 

Bruce and Dick are currently in the "back country" with some other guys. He reminds the group to brush their teeth before they wonder what to do.
Dick: "My ear's ringing. It keeps saying, "To the Batpoles, to the Batpoles, to the Batpoles!""
Cue title - and everyone still at the camp.

Cut then to the Morpheus mattress store and Catwoman laying down on a bed.
RD: "Holy Julie Newmar in lingerie! Best episode ever."
Narrator: "What do we have here? An advertising stunt? Or maybe something else entirely?"
Then one of Sandman's goons comes and carries her away. RD wonders if there was a panty shot. 

In a call by Gordon the store owner, Mr. Smuggly, wonders how she managed to get past security to get a lie down. "Those Morpheus mattresses: like sleeping on a zephyr."
Gordon: "This is no time for a sales pitch."
He has to somehow re-determine who they are facing. Then he goes for the Batphone again.
Gordon: "Grain by grain, the hen fills her belly, Chief O'Hara. A pithy proverb about patience. Batman told it to me himself."

The Disguised Duo appear just in time before Alfred can make any excuse on their end, and of course already know about the situation. 
Bruce: "About that ringing in your ears..."
Dick: "Oh, it's louder than ever."
Duo: "To the Batpoles!"

They still have to get to the office though, (:27) so the Undynamic Duo spend their time actually working watching KGC TV and Catwoman termed a Sleeping Beauty without people already knowing who she is. She credits her quick sleeping to "Dr. Somnambula", making the reporter ask to stop her advertising.
Gordon: "There's a devious and dangerous design here someplace, Chief O'Hara. And what audacious arrogance. ... Where the devil is Batman?"

In a rundown mattress factory (helpfully labelled) Sandman compliments Catwoman's acting. Then he wants her to answer the ringing phone as his "nurse". It is their target, J Pauline Spaghetti.
Catwoman: "The doctor is quite busy at the moment, Mrs. Spaghetti. There are 80 patients in the
office, 206 in the waiting room, and the line outside extends around Gotham Park...several times."
Pauline will pay $50,000 for a "penthouse call", $100,000 if within 10 minutes.

Cut to Gor - the Batcave, as the Duo return from their offscreen trip. (:32)
Batman: "Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer."
RD: "They should do this more often."
They of course immediately figure out something's up.
Batman: "it's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink a hapless, sleepless moneybags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?"
Robin: "Well, there was Olaf the Sad of Norway."
Batman: "He's been dead for 800 years."
Robin: "And that famous Chinese historian, Fu Hop Chung."
Batman: "Born with no eyelids."
Robin: "The French empress whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?"
Batman: "Poor creature."

So they check with the Batcomputer which answers by shooting out red play-doh as spaghetti. 
Batman: "A variety of elementary paste, larger than vermicelli, but not as tubular as maca -"
Robin: "That's it. Spaghetti."

Young Vince would eat so much play-doh that he would get "worms" that his father would have to coax out of him rectally with a q-tip. RD has his wife appear just to make sure she still does not like the smell. (:38)

At the Spaghetti Hotel Sandman arrives at the penthouse in a doctor's outfit under his coat. Spaghetti hasn't slept for over seven years (which may be trouble considering RD finds the actor was more than 80 years old at the time of filming). He puts his stethoscope on her head (as she goes to open her top for the more traditional chest) and then sprays a sleeping powder into her face. This makes her sleepwalk under his command, from which he gets her financial records.
His two goons then appear. "A funny-looking jalopy parked in the rear alley a minute ago. Some kind of a hook snagged the terrace railing. And two way-out characters are climbing up the wall on ropes. Real weirdoes."

Sadly there are no celebrities as the Duo climb and enter through the window, and Spaghetti is finally happy for once she's got some sleep without any money missing. They make sure, allowing Sandman to sneak out undetected. Needless to say she is not pleased.
"That door leads to the hall. The hall leads to the elevator. The elevator leads to the street. It's quicker than any Batrope."

Cut to the Duo suddenly at the factory and immediately knowing things are not right with the Dutch angle. Sandman and goons suddenly pop out of a Murphy bed with a "It's nap time for both of you!" into a fight. Robin bounces a guy on and off a bed while Batman does dropkicks. Before the Duo can overwhelm with mattresses Sandman manages to incapacitate Robin with sleeping powder.

Batman is then tied to a large stitching machine.
Sandman: "This machine will button you up forever, Batman. Wonder Boy, or whatever they call you, start the machine. ... I'm sorry we can't remain for the last stitch, but you were right about me and Catwoman. And I promised her a little souvenir of this quilting bee. Robin will fill the bill nicely!"

Narrator: "Are our eyes deceiving us? Batman quilted to a mattress? Robin led away by the Abominable Sandman? To be the sleeping pawn in Catwoman's cat and mouse game? Wait on pins and needles, you'll find out tomorrow! Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!" 

RD likes the story so far, and not just because of Catwoman's wiles. 

Jordan Mishkin sent RD 45s of Frank Gorshin's singing.


  • Special Guest Villain: Sandman (Michael Rennie)
  • Extra Special Guest Villainess: Catwoman [5] (Julie Newmar) [4]

  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Stealing


Episode 70: Holy Ottoman!: December 11, 2022

The Duo Is Slumming or Batman, Dark Knight of Gotham, Part 2
December 22, 1966
"The Puzzler continues with his plan to hijack Artemus Knab's new airplane, the Retsoor, all the while leaving puzzles behind for Batman and Robin to ponder. He familiarizes himself with the jet's designs, then prepares to fly his prize to a foreign country where he will hold it for ransom. But the Dynamic Duo have an easier time with his clues than he expected, resulting in a climactic confrontation at the airplane hanger."
55 minutes

RD Sez "By Gum It's Gum!" That's from Henry III I believe. (Act VI, Scene 6)

The title is more rhyming than creative. But it's not in iambic pentameter. 

Vince: "Bro, I gotta be honest with ya RD."
RD: "Let me write this down - you're being honest with me."
Vince compared the story to a recent showing of Raw, it was that interminable.

Vince can still remember when he was 13 years old and was gifted a stereo system at what he thought was the highest price in the world at $99.99. Young RD got a disk drive for his Atari computer to play pirated games alongside a color printer. Older RD had initial doubts when his wife found she was pregnant on Christmas Eve, but he went along with it until they later confirmed it. 

Sad News: Vince and his son had trouble assembling a newly bought arcade machine.

To further try and delay talking about the actual episode, RD also read up on Mr. Evans (:15). I forgot that he was also Dr. Zaius in Planet of the Apes. 

The Duo are still tied up in their "aerial balloon" at 19,000 feet. Batman gets the idea of using the chewing gum wrapper to cover the altimeter's air hole to keep the reading below 20,000.
Robin: "This'll teach that crook to be a litterbug. He should put trash in the proper waste container!" 

However they are still high above, and at that point it's a wonder at this high up they are unaffected by hypothermia and oxygen deprivation. And don't tell me it's the outfits protecting them, they're not Kryptonian! Nature must obey necessity, after all. (Julius Caesar, Act IV, Scene 3)

This is where Robin's bird calling comes in - a flock of red-breasted nuthatches are flying nearby, which he conveniently...does not yet know. "Holy Ottoman Batman!" is all he can say.
Batman: "The bird by its nature is a very hostile bird. If you can infuriate this bird, perhaps he'll attack the balloon."
They succeed in having one poke some holes into the balloon.
Batman: "Farewell feathered friend! Sorry to have disrupted your vacation!"
Of course the balloon starts to rapidly descend.
Batman: "It's the power of gravity, Robin. Not even the Puzzler could prevent that."
Fortunately they land right next to a phone booth as for some reason the theme of the Penguin's Submarine from the Movie plays.
Batman: "We can thank the taxpayers and Governor Stonefellow for this emergency public telephone."

Back at the lair Puzzler is happy for their jewelry haul, but they still need to get the Retsoor. To Rocket: "Now go be expressive to multi-billionaire Artemis Knab." He would have another goon do it if they were not a lady or busy making balloon animals.
The Duo crash through another window.
Puzzler: "But you're...you're dead! How puzzling."
He covers their escape by...dropping balloon animals on them. RD compares it to the drop they do in the Arcade on more able children. 

Rocket manages to make it during that to Knab's penthouse, and petitions him to make it into movies. (:25)
Knab: "I would say that you're a very well-rounded young lady. Ha. Ha. Ha. With considerable well-rounded talent."
She slips a sleeping pill into his oolong tea that knocks him out, allowing Puzzler to enter through his window and open the safe. He takes pictures on how to fly the plane and leaves a note for Batman on Knab's chest. 

The Dark Knight is currently in Gordon's Office wearing really large headphones as they open up another "gift" to reveal a rooster.
Gordon: "I've had some strange birds in my office at some time, but this is going too far!"
They determine Puzzler is to steal the plane later that night, so the Duo leave to wall climb to Knab's penthouse. 

As they climb Robin has a strange feeling "as if visions of sugar plums were dancing in my head." This summons Santa Claus through the window. You know, that old contemporary of Shakespeare? (:29) Even if it was shown (as it is now reviewed) in the December season, it feels more out of place than it normally should be out of place. It also doesn't help that this Santa looks rather...odd.
Santa: "Say, you tell me where the Batcave is, and I'll, I'll leave a little present in your stocking."
Batman (to the camera): "If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust? [To Santa] We can't tell you here, Mr. Claus, but we'll telephone you at the North Pole on the Batphone."
RD wonders how he can call different numbers with just one button on it.
Santa: "Good, good, I'll get to the Batcave if I have to slide down the Batpole instead of a chimney. Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!"
Batman: "Merry Christmas Santa!"
Robin: "And say hello to the eight reindeer for us!" 

By the time they reach the penthouse Knab is awake and not happy to see them, not helped by Batman waving his hands around oddly like he is holding Yorick's skull in them.
Robin: "We told you, stupid, don't trust the Puzzler!"
They find Puzzler's note.
Batman: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio Artemis/Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. That's a quote from -"
Knab: "I know. Hamlet." (Act I, Scene 5)
The note is blank but Batman detects "a slight odor of invisible writing" on it. Knab asks to go to the Batcave with him to analyze it, but he is politely denied. 

This is also the last we see or hear of Knab or any of his monopolies. My guess is that Batman just took all his properties on Bruce's behalf due to Knab's (involuntary) collaboration with a criminal. Or, to continue his analogy with Howard Hughes, he'd just trick him to stay in a private movie theater for the rest of his life instead of imprisoning him.

In the Batcave the revealed text only says "puzzles". Robin thinks it's for seven-league boots, seven seas, or seven veils, none of which actually feature in Shakespeare. Batman thinks it's a seven digit telephone number (without area code). RD wonders how they would incorporate the lack of Z on the dial-pad, which is what the Duo are also thinking. This leads them to 'zounds', at least. (At least the writers seem to spell it right.)

RD: "Have we mentioned this Puzzler kind of sucks?"

Puzzler has shifted his operations to a shed and his outfit to "the perfect Space Age garb" in order to fly an airplane. Then Batman calls.
Robin: "Holy miracles, Batman, you got his number on your first try!"
Puzzler: "Speak, knave!"
Batman figures his latest puzzle and they rush to the airplane hanger.

Puzzler has a "magic lantern show" waiting for them of a plane sideshow. To Rocket: "Create your usual diversion." Glider asks if they will sell the plane (for $4 million) to a foreign power.
Puzzler: "Have you taken leave of your senses Glider? I may be an arch-villain, but I am a one hundred percent naturalized American arch-villain!"

Of course the Duo already there awaiting the group and their fight, including many Irish whips. (:42) During it Robin gets inside a jet engine (which is not on).

Afterwards the Undynamic Duo arrive so late due to "traffic" Batman literally rolls his eyes at them. 'Tis the time’s plague when madmen lead the blind, indeed. (King Lear, Act IV, Scene 1)

Puzzler: "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Too many puzzles. Is that what did it, Batman?"
Batman: "One too many. Quantity finally exceeded quality, Puzzler. And all those quotes of Shakespeare didn't help either."
Puzzler: "My soul is full of discord and dismay."
Batman: "Hamlet."
Puzzler: "Act IV."
Batman: "Scene 1."
Puzzler: "Line 46."
Batman: "45."
Puzzler: "Egad, sir, you're right!" 

Vince is close in guessing Rocket's age by two years. (36) He also gives her 2 Batpoles for that. RD is a generous 5.5. Despite this, Barbara Stuart was a regular TV presence for over 50 years, most notably for Gomer Pyle.  

At Stately Wayne Manor Alfred blows up the remaining puzzle balloons on Aunt Harriet's behalf for "underprivileged children" for some reason.
Harriet: "They really are quite a novelty, aren't they?"
Bruce: "Verily, Aunt Harriet, quite a novelty. Well, all's well that -"
Alfred: "That ends well, sir?"

Thus exits the Puzzler, confusion's masterpiece. (Macbeth, Act II, Scene 3) Honestly he was pretty terrible. There may have been more amusement in finding where his lines were coming from rather than his plan or mannerisms, none of which made much sense. It's as if they wrote Jean-Luc Picard to the point where he was quoting his own Shakespeare everywhere beyond the occasional parts here and there, even when speechifying. (Or hawking Pontiacs.) 


It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

 Macbeth, Act V, Scene 5


  • Special Guest Villain: The Puzzler (Maurice Evans)

  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. I will wear my heart upon my sleeve/For [jack]daws to peck at. (Othello, Act I, Scene 1) 
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Santa Claus

Episode 69: Holy Hamlet!: December 4, 2022

The Puzzles Are Coming or Batman, Dark Knight of Gotham, Part 1
December 21, 1966
"The Puzzler, a villain with a fondness for both Shakespeare and aviation, indicates he is after the fortunes of Artemus Knab. He convinces the billionaire to invest in his puzzle balloon business, but when the Dynamic Duo find that Knab seems too intelligent to fall for a phony scheme, they look deeper for the criminal's true intentions. Their search leads them to Knab's airplane monopoly, but unknown to them, the Puzzler has plans to halt their investigation - permanently."
48 minutes

RD: Not Practicing Bird Calls. He's not Bitey. He tries one anyway.

Vince thinks he found a villain worse than Mr. Minstrel Man. RD still thinks MMM was the worst, but our non Riddler villain is not far. It was originally supposed to be the Riddler anyway, but Gorshin had contract issues. Vince would rather get (super)kicked in the face.

Twister was first released on the original airdate.

To try and delay talking about the story (and who can blame him?), RD mentions that he nearly died at a Target on Black Friday. (:05) Some one wearing reindeer antlers was holding up the line looking at a National Geographic. In the parking lot he was almost hit by an idiot in car were it not for the wife pulling him out of the way. He did get a good deal on a TV (from elsewhere).

It's "another serene day in Gotham City" in the penthouse of the Gotham Arms. The Puzzler awaits wearing a crooked hat and a huge bow-tie. Among his crew also with him are Glider, Ramjet, the rotund Blimpy, and an old lady named Rocket, not to be confused with Marvel's own. The penthouse is not actually theirs, but belongs to a man named Artemus Knab, who is not yet present. 

Being a Puzzler, he of course frequently quotes from Shakespeare. Because when I think of puzzles I think of Early Modern English. That was in that one Hamlet soliloquy right?

The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Also the penthouse is so high up they can see straight down into Gordon's Office in the Police HQ.

Puzzler: "This should startle the pillars of the law, the caterpillars of the Commonwealth/which I have sworn to weed and pluck away...a quotation from the Bard, young Rocket." (Richard II, Act II, Scene 3)

As expected Vince does not like Shakespeare. Neither did the show's producers who for some reason gave Puzzler Bookworm's theme. Perhaps because they are both literary fellows? 

Gordon is on the line with the Warden, talking about the prison having no more space, all thanks to the fine work of the Dynamic Duo the police. Before I can write a joke about that, a small drone-like plane drops a smoke bomb through the window. O'Hara rushes in thinking it a "child's prank" and the two just stare at it.
Gordon: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Chief O'Hara?"
O'Hara: "Aren't I always Commissioner?"
I initially thought it meant calling in the Duo, but they first guess it is the work of that villainous Puzzler, that scurvy companion (Henry IV Part 2, Act II, Scene 4). THEN they cry for help.
Gordon: "I know we've been working the Caped Crusader overtime lately, but I feel I'd be shirking my duty to the populous of Gotham City if I didn't call on his help in this dire crisis. " 

At Stately Wayne Manor Dick is...practicing bird calls. (:16)
Bruce: "Yes Dick! Your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practice them, some day we might have a chance for a real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my Ruby Crown Kinglet, and my Rose-Breasted Yellow-Tailed Grosbeak calls."
Unfortunately before he has a chance to try out his Black-Throated Green Warbler, Alfred whispers the Batphone ringing.
Aunt Harriet: "They're always on the move."
Alfred: "Well, that's because they're young."

Back in the office, Batman: "Puzzler's maleficent methods are legendary, plus, the fact they're usually connected with an aviatic caper, along with his Shakespearean touches."
Robin: "Holy Hamlet!"

The bomb has a "backward puzzle": "I know a bank where the wild thyme blows" (A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act II, Scene 1). Batman spells 'bank' backwards to Knab, he of the penthouse, "one of the richest men in the world from his aviation monopoly". He declines Gordon's "assistance" as he wants to go by himself to personally "cross swords", like he is Romeo and Puzzler is Tybalt (and Robin is Juliet or something). 

Gordon: "Whoever they are beneath those masks they wear -"
O'Hara: "You've said that before, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And I'll say it to my dying day, Chief O'Hara! Gotham City owes the Dynamic Duo a debt which can never be repaid."
O'Hara: "Well, if this Artemus Knab is as rich as they say, maybe he can help a little?"

SPEAKING OF Knab, he and Puzzler are playing a game of actual Monopoly (though sadly it's not Batman or Stratford-Upon-Avon themed), when the Duo arrive through the window. 
Puzzler: "Now, by two-headed Janus/Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time: art thou not verily the Caped Crusaders?" (The Merchant of Venice, Act I, Scene 1)
Batman: "Yes Puzzler, I'm Batman."
Robin: "AND I'M ROBIN!"
Knab doesn't mind Puzzler's presence for a damned and luxurious mountain goat (Henry V, Act IV, Scene 4) since he has a good idea for making money: puzzle balloons, whatever the hell they are. Robin thinks otherwise.
Knab: "Young man, there's no easier buck to be made in this world than an honest buck."
Batman: "Sometimes Robin is inclined to be a bit impetuous."
Knab: "It should make an interesting addition to my airplane monopoly, not to mention my movie studio monopoly, my stock market monopoly, my ship building monopoly, and my various other lesser monopolies."
RD wonders what Bruce would be thinking on Knab being a literal billionaire with monopolies (perhaps on Boardwalk).
Puzzler hands Robin a balloon: "You're obviously not too old to play with balloons."
Robin: "I'm old enough to recognize a bunco artist!"
Knab reminds the Duo there is a perfectly fine door to use. 

Enter Batman and Robin in the Batcave. (:26)
Robin: "I just hate to see a reasonably successful multi-billionaire like Artemus Knab taken for a ride by that shady pseudo-Shakespearean swindler."
And he has such a February face! So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness! (Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, Scene 4)
They use the Bat Air Jet on the balloon, which has another line on a hawk from a handsaw (Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2). They guess it has to do with Knab's christening of his new plane the Retsoor (or Rooster spelled backwards), which will take place at the Airport and could prove a good target for the Puzzler to hit.

Sure enough Puzzler and his retinue are at the christening with Knab in his "old jalopy". Rocket complains about not possibly networking with the rich and famous around to get into movies. The other goons wonder why they don't steal the plane as well as the peoples' valuables.

Puzzler: "Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens!"
Blimpy: ""Fat and greasy"?"
Puzzler: "A favorite line of mine from As You Like It, Blimpy. Translated it means, "get going!" (Act II, Scene 1)
The balloons they have brought with them contain, yes, gas. Sadly it is not colored, but it does paralyze or freeze everyone in place like they're trying to stand motionless on a theater stage.
Puzzler: "A little extra pocket money is never a bad thing. Don't leave anything on the table."
Rocket aims for the jewelry left laying around. Puzzler: "Frailty, thy name is woman!" (Hamlet, Act I, Scene 2)
They wait around for the Duo to appear so they too get gassed rather than preparing for an ambush. Their brains are as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage. (As You Like It, Act II, Scene 7)
Of course now that the two are at his mercy Puzzler...does a Hamlet and doesn't kill them straight away. No, he just...takes a picture of the plane's control panel. Then they just exit.

Return the Duo (whenever they unfreeze) to the Batcave to another balloon (rather than just having them do it at the Airport where it would make more thematic sense). The line in one of them leads their Batlogic to the lair of the Globe Balloon Factory, Shakespeare's famous theater.

The Duo are greeted at the factory by balloon animals. Ah, this mus be Puzzler's playing company then. (:34) Rocket is there looking even older than before, manually blowing up some of the balloons.

Rocket: "I'm sorry, Puzzler told me he's not seeing anyone today."
Batman: "At the risk of sounding conceited young lady, we're not just anyone!" 

So they just walk inside into a fight. Robin is thrown on his stomach where Blimpy is gyrating on top of him, like his wife's a hobby horse (The Winter's Tale, Act II, Scene 1). Batman responds with an Irish whip and Robin adds a hip attack, but Puzzler takes them out with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune a dart.  

The Duo are thus tied in a hot air balloon basket (which Vince or Mrs. Deal would never want to take a ride in) which will detach at 20,000 feet.
Robin: "I bet even Shakespeare doesn't have such words for such villainy!"
Ramjet offers chewing gum to relieve the ear pressure, but they decline it. He takes the piece for himself and throws the wrapper into the basket.

RD re-tells winning a helicopter ride at 5 years old.

Puzzler: "This was the most unkindest cut of all! Farewell Dynamic Duo! Bon Voyage! Happy landings! Adieu! Adieu! Remember me!" (Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 2)

Actually, a more appropriate line would have been Good-night, sweet prince/And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! (Hamlet, Act V, Scene 2) But then the Duo would have fought over who was Hamlet and who was his surviving friend Horatio, paying no attention to how to get out of their conundrum and - huh. I'm putting more thought into this than our 'villain' ever did.

Narrator: "Horror of horrors! Is there no escape? That altimeter is rising fast! Is this the last hurrah for the Dynamic Duo? Can anything save them? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!" 

Neither Bro remembered to look up the work of Mr. Evans, but it's pretty obvious he had his Shakespearean background for his work. This included his then appearances on Betwitched (to also do Shakespeare).

  • Special Guest Villain: The Puzzler (Maurice Evans)

  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Sad, Shakespeare, Christmasopoly

Episode 68: Holy British!: November 27, 2022

The Bat's Kow Tow
December 15, 1966
"Batman and Robin escape Catwoman's trap, but they are too late to stop her from stealing the voices of Chad and Jeremy, the British singing duo. Catwoman demands an 8 million pound ransom for their voices, or else she will begin silencing the entire world. Things look grim when the British refuse to pay. However, a background noise in a phone call tips the Dynamic Duo off to Catwoman's hideout and the location of her voice-restoring formula."
75 minutes

RD: One of Those Blighters. Cor Blimey to you too.

Vince: "I was thinking about you this weekend."
RD: "That seems random."

Before Vince can ask his "weird bird" friend what's on his mind he finds out he's live again. One of the attendees remembers B.M. Punk. Vince: "Interesting." He then starts getting donations. He asks for the URL to send to RD to share for some reason. RD agrees to take the blame for any complaints from Jeff Lane. Vince decides to keep things running for now since they have more than the regular 40 Watchers for their progrem.

Vince's actual query (:07) is about former Paige Soraya on AEW appearing on one show, then appearing on the next one immediately after discussing what she just did. This confuses him. RD just considers it regular behind the scenes stuff due to giving their wrestlers more freedom to act than the competition (TNA?).

Vince correctly guesses that the episode originally aired on the deathday of Walt Disney. RD grants him leave to self-applaud. (:13)

Anyway, the Dynamic Duo are in danger of having scrambled eggs for brains in the physically-impossible echo chamber. Batman shows the predicament he is in by crossing his eyes for a brief moment, then asking Robin to find the vibration frequency that will shatter the glass. He then instantly determines it is "F Sharp above High C" and starts humming very out of tune (according to RD). This works, allowing the Duo to untie themselves. 

Robin: "I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while."
Batman: "WHAT?"
Robin: "I think I'm gonna be a little hard of hearing for a while."

They secure Benton again, and Batman tells Robin to tell O'Hara to get this "bounder".
Batman: "All right, Belgoody, tell me everything."
Benton: "Well, I was born in Youngstown of poor but honest parents - "
Batman: "Come off it, Bellgoody, you're pulling my boot!"
For some reason the two are reminded of The Jerk (Navin R. Johnson), who was "born a poor black child" played by Steve Martin.
Benton tells Batman that Catwoman is already going to get Chad and Jeremy's voices. The Duo tie his arms behind him to a broom. 

They then speed off to the Town Hall as the Narrator sounds jubilant for a song by "the music world's Dynamic Duo". (:29) Vince goes to get his Chad and Jeremy Greatest Hits record. RD trash talks him to the live audience. 

Catwoman and goons appear wearing cat's eyes night-vision goggles and quickly steal the duo's voices. The Dynamic Duo appear but Eenie turns off the lights, covering the group's escape. Batman has to light a very strong match from his Batmatchbook so that he and Robin can save the 20 or so scared people at the show.
Batman: "Citizens! Citizens! [Waves hand] Hi kids!" 

The next morning on The Allen Stevens Show (who can only be played by the incomparable Steve Allen) (:33) Batman asks the audience to have faith in the law to set things right.
Allen: "I understand that millions of the world's teenagers are in virtual mourning since last night's tragedy."
Batman: "On the plus side, millions of parents are delighted."
Robin: "Speaking as an average, ordinary, red-blooded, typical American teenager, I think this is one of the worst things that could have happened!"

Catwoman and goons then appear with "sonic beam blast guns" to threaten the audience while still attracted to Batman and his "baby blue eyes".  She then interrupts Allen's attempt at promotional consideration by demanding a ransom of 8 million pounds "of European currency", or over 22 million dollars (again in 1966). 

Catwoman: "Chad and Jeremy pay so much income tax to their native land that if it were to stop, the whole empire might crumble and the British Pound would be deflated!" 
Batman: "The entire economic structure of the whole world would collapse! How dastardly! It's not as if they have other more popular things that can take their place, like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Animals, James Bond, Mary Poppins, Lawrence of Arabia..."

Catwoman demands her payment of "the scratch" by the next day or she will silence the whole world, then silences Allen just because before throwing a sneeze bomb to cover her escape. 

One attendee thinks it is the most pointless thing he's seen. RD: "That's what we're here for." 

Batman then meets Sir Sterling Habits, the British Council General of Gotham City, who's so happy to meet him he loses his monocle. (:42)
Batman: "You're aware of the serious tragedy affecting your countries most popular export?"
Habits: "Have we stopped making those small sports cars?"
Robin: "We're referring to Chad and Jeremy."
Habits: "Oh yes, those blighters. Can't understand a word they say."
Suddenly "Parliament" calls, like the whole governmental body, and Sterling looks pleased as the Duo look on in annoyance. (He's suppousedly talking one-to-one to then Prime Minister Harold Wilson, which is admittedly a name more American than British.) Of course the government won't pay a single pence/shilling.
His butler, Rhett, announces that he don't give a damn there is a crowd outside for the Dynamic Duo. Sadly they don't have time for any meet and greets so they have to wall climb down. 

This gives an appearance of a window celebrity in the original sense of the term, in this case Hawaiian singer Don Ho.Vince tries singing Tiny Bubbles as an example of his work and so he can self-applaud again.
Don Ho: "It's gotten me as far as your Batropes have gotten you. I think I'll introduce Batropes in Hawaii. Pick coconuts more easy that way."
Batman: "I'd like to sit here and chat with you all day, Don, but..."
Robin: "The surf's coming up and we gotta catch a big one."

Gordon is still silent in his office as O'Hara remains stumped. "She has us licked!" Batman is still hopeful even as O'Hara whines and moans. However he did record the previous day's conversation where his boss got silenced.
Batman: "It's no wonder you've risen to the top of your department O'Hara."

He decides to use the Batsound Analyzer in the Batcave for the sake of the whole world. As he tells a skeptical Robin with his renowned Batlogic: "If we can't talk, there'd be no telephones. You see, there are millions of people who use telephones in business every day. Now they'd have to meet their clients face to face. That would cause enormous traffic problems. Further, all the people who work for the phone company would be out of jobs. There'd be no radio. Television and movies would go silent. That is a whole heaping helping of ramifications."
Robin: "You're so brilliant Batman."

The Analyzer detects three hair dryers, but there are over 2000 hair salons in the City. Wondering if the silence fades after a while, he sends Robin as Dick upstairs to see Chad and Jeremy, who are also with Aunt Harriet and Alfred who have attempted with their own remedies. 

The saddened two still indicate they want their hair fixed at Mr. Oceanbring's hairstylist hands. Alfred: "Every rock and roll star goes to have his hair quaffed by this man." And he does this with just three hair dryers! Dick immediately runs out, leaving Harriet confused. Neither Bro checked if she was wearing an undergarment. 

Of course Catwoman is at the salon contemplating her schemes. Oceanbring is actually cameoed by Jay Sebring, a legendary pioneer in men's hairstyling. He was also rather morbidly involved in a break-in including his ex-fiance Sharon Tate, where a group of wayward souls affiliated with Charles Manson were halted in their plans by the timely intervention of an aging TV actor and his stunt double.

Her goons wonder why she doesn't just kill the Duo, but she just can't. Batman saved her life once after all. (She doesn't care about Robin of course.) She also has the silence antidote of sweet basil, garlic, salt, and goat's milk "in the right proportions."

Vince does not do Italian stuffing for Thanksgiving. 

Enter the Duo.
Catwoman: "Batman, why for art thou doing this to me?"
Batman: "It's my job, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "We could make such beautiful music together."
Robin: "You'll play a different tune when we're through with you! And all the notes will be sour!"
Catwoman: "Party pooper. Teenagers should be seen and not heard!"

Cue fight, although she wants Batman to not be beaten too much; it may damage his looks. Robin throws a goon into a bouffant hair dryer burning his face, as one does. Oceanbring troubles himself with trying to catch all the antiques around as they are thrown about - then accidentally drops one once the battle is over. Catwoman runs off, so Batman leaves his ward to secure the place while he goes after her. 

Cue the Dark Knight exaggeratedly running, leading him into an alleyway.
Catwoman jumps off a ladder onto his back and aims her gun at him: "I can slice you like a hot knife through high-priced spread. Should I steal your voice or end your life?"
Batman: "Whichever you decide I'm sure it will be the wrong choice."
Catwoman: "You have a pretty sharp tongue for a man about to say goodbye to the world! Beg! Beg for your mortal existence!"
Batman: "I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life."
Of course she can't go through with it: "Can't you see how I feel about you Batman? I can't kill you. You're the only man I ever - "
Of course even if she did try to kill him he would have deflected the shot anyway. He still praises her scheme though.
She then tells him the antidote by tightly whispering in his ear. "You see, my voice eraser electronically loosened their vocal chords and - you just spray it. And tighten them right back up. ... Batman? When I get out of jail, will you take me on a date?"
He will have to think on that.
Catwoman: "If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a... bad girl?"
Batman: "No, of course not, Catwoman. Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world. Some people kiss almost every day, and - I'm told..."

Of course before they can actually kiss (or whatever it was in the 60's), Robin the Boy Blunder comes along to Holy Cock Block. Batman asks for a rain check (which would take 50 years). RD considers it payment for when Dick was also about to kiss (a girl) were it not for Bruce's summons. But the two walk off hand in hand. Batman and Catwoman I mean.
Robin (to the camera): "Holy Mush!" 

The Musical Duo finally get to perform. Somehow Gordon is in the balcony with the Wayne Manorhold.
Alfred: "They certainly do sway, don't they?"
Harriet: "Very hep, Alfred."
Dick: "It's 'hip', Aunt Harriet, they changed it."
Gordon is around because of his grandchildren, despite later Barbara being his only descendant.
Bruce: "Every era has its own music Commissioner, its own art, its own manner of speech."
Harriet: "The essence of progress is change."
Gordon: "It's a point well taken, Mrs. Cooper. But there's only one pair in the public eye which I pray will never suffer the stigma of antiquity - it's Batman and Robin!" 

RD thought Eenie was pretty and curvy for 7.5 Batpoles. Vince gives her 7, although she wasn't in the story much. RD found a MP3 of actor Sharyn Wynters singing a very soothing tune. She also transitioned to alternative and naturopathic health over 40 years ago.

Like myself the Bros loved the story. Vince wants to split the donated amount with RD. One of the donations was in Saudi Arabian Riyals. (It wasn't mine either.) 

The Arcade is getting a (Sean Connery) James Bond pinball machine, one of 50 currently sold (out of a 1,000).

  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]

  • Window Celebrity: 5. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn, Steve Allen, Don Ho, Jay Sebring
  • Entertain The People: 1

RD's TRIP! To Black Friday is Coming Back!

Raging_Demons here, boys and girls. I was reminiscing on social media about the good ole days of RD's TRIP! To Black Friday. Like he always used to do on Wrestlecrap Radio.

Them Deal sent me a response. Deal "Tweeted", or whatever it will be if Elon Musk doesn't destroy Twitter in the next couple of months. This:

Deal: "We will be starting these reports again on Joker's Mustache with

on channelattitude.com this upcoming week. Can't wait."

That's right. Wrestlecrap Radio will live on, kind of, with the Black Friday tradition on the upcoming episode of "Joker's Mustache"

Wait until Vince Russo learns the horror stories of Bedding Man & Calculator Man!

Episode 67: Holy Balderdash!: November 20, 2022

The Cat's Meow
December 14, 1966
"The police believe Catwoman has gone straight; however, the villainess has devious plans for her new voice-stealing device. After using it to silence a TV talk show host and Commissioner Gordon, she sets about to steal the voices of Wayne Manor's latest guests, British singers Chad and Jeremy. Under the guise of a dance instructor, she enters Wayne Manor to collect valuable information about its layout. Batman and Robin pick up her trail when her cover is blown. But unknown to them, Catwoman has a plan to destroy their minds and forever end their crime-fighting career."
61 minutes

RD: All About BALDERDASH! Poppycock, I say.

Vince now has a cricket soundbite. Or a hamster in a wheel. it's hard to say.

It's 7 am (in Gotham, not when the Bros are recording), and in KGCTV (still in the West Coast instead of the canonical East Jersey and its W), Harry Upps is doing the morning show as a parody of Hugh Downs (of NBC's Today Show). Bruce is being interviewed (while Dick looks on) talking about his Foundation helping others through physical fitness. Harry interrupts to promotional consideration some umbrellas. Catwoman is seen as...the camerawoman as Harry immediately loses his voice. Dick reflexively starts wanting to investigate before Bruce quickly covers the microphone. He then covers it again just to be sure.

Vince likes drinking Gatorade.

They think it's the Penguin's doing, but then pieces of paper with Riddles (and/or bad Jokes) on them fall out of the open umbrella. Bruce knows Gordon will call for them soon since he watches the show instead of doing his actual job, so they quickly run off.

"Riddle": "What's black and white and full of fuzz?"
Bruce: "A zebra?"

The channel quickly cuts to the 'mid-day' creature feature that sounds like it would get a MST/Rifftrax treatment 50 years from now. 

RD: "This is what I use my broadcast journalism degree for, kids."  

Alfred is already on the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor: "he's taking his morning constitutional, I fancy." Vince thought he meant he was in the bathroom. Bruce takes over and asks Gordon to check on their main villains for him as they rush over during the titles.

At Gordon's office (:13), they note a "mild shocker" in the umbrella's handle that can mute someone. Batman: "This is a serious detriment for an announcer." Also the Riddler, Joker, and newly jailed Penguin are still imprisoned. For now anyway. Batman takes the umbrella for further analysis. 

Gordon: "I don't believe there ever have been, or ever will be two such selfless people.
O'Hara: "Well they've certainly made my job a whole lot easier, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And mine. I think if I were to ask, Batman would give me the cape right off his back. [To the camera] What a man!"

He then gets visitors - Catwoman and her goons Kittens: Eenie, Meanie, Miney, and Moe. For once Gordon is happy to see her, thinking her rehabilitated enough to go into show business. The Co-Bros wonder what type of show business she would do. Well, she has had (positive) ties to burlesque over the years. But in her case it's singing: "it's so much safer on this side of the law: show business is such a rewarding profession." Vince disagrees. Gordon wants to her to perform at the Police Benevolent Society Ball. She reminds the already forgetful Commissioner to inform the Duo that she is free.

After she gives "a kiss to build a dream on" by striking a tambourine with her heel before leaving, O'Hara - O'Hara - expresses concern, but Gordon dismisses him. "I can tell a reformed woman when I see one, and there is a reformed woman!"

Her lair is Duncan's Dance Studio ("Walk in, waltz out") where she has a gigantic giant 'swing' taking up almost the whole room. Somehow Catwoman has stored Harry's voice in a box, confusing Eenie. Catwoman: "Eenie, sometimes I think you left your brain in San Francisco." She did it to throw the Dynamic Duo off their tail so they can steal enough for a lifetime's supply of catnip, "or I'm gonna give this entire world a severe case of laryngitis." 

Neither Bro is a cat guy, unfortunately. 

Catwoman then asks for "the popular singing duo Chad and Jeremy" who were actually quite popular during that time as part of the British Invasion. Nobody knows, so she gets to talk to Gordon. Eenie is not sure she can do that. Catwoman: "Let's put something straight: Catwoman is top dog around here, and let's not forget it, Eenie!"

Of course she gets Gordon and gets him to tell her they will be at Stately Wayne Manor, "the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne" because of course they will. She gives her word "as a lady and a scholar" not to tell anyone, before taking his voice over the phone. "No more pompous prattle from you!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor, the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne, Dick answers a telemarketing call from a disguised Catwoman offering dancing lessons. He initially declines. Bruce is sitting nearby holding a giant antelope skull for some reason and tells him to learn something for upcoming prom: "we don't want you to be a wallflower Dick! Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education." Dick answers a "question" to "win" a visit ("Who painted Whistler's Mother?") and he is happy on winning something for the first time. Bruce leaves him to go "pick up a tube for the Batsound Analyzer." 

Catwoman then shows up as Miss Klutz, once again an old lady like her last appearance. (:27)
Dick: "I'm sorry Miss Klutz, but I have no rhythm."
Catwoman: "Balderdash! Oh, if you'll pardon the expression, I'm a little out of breath now."
Noting the splendor of the Manor, she then starts having an allergic reaction to the dogwoods around. Her sneeze takes her in and out of the camera as Catwoman.
Dick: "Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!"
Aunt Harriet is so shocked she forgets to put a bra on. Catwoman uses her fainting to gas the room.

Cut to the Airport as Chad and Jeremy arrive and give a press conference.
Girl in attendance: "Oh, aren't they the most adorable twosome in the world?"
Other girl in attendance: "If you don't count Batman and Robin."
They play one of their songs on a 50 year old grammaphone while they make bad jokes. Thankfully Catwoman appears to stop them.
Sergeant O'Leary: "It's nice to see a responsible citizen like you for a change."
This makes her leave all of a sudden. 

At the Batcave Batman has managed to revive the Manorhold with his Universal Drug Antidote, "otherwise they'd have been asleep for a week." Vince wishes he had some of the gas to use.
Robin: "Holy Rip Van Winkle! Poor Commissioner Gordon, he was completely taken in by Catwoman."
Batman: "Well, she's a very beautiful...very...enthralling woman, Robin. When you get older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."
They locate the Studio and speed off.

Meanwhile Harriet didn't have time to get a bra due to having tea with Chad and Jeremy. Quote they: "I didn't know this had made it to the colonies." They quip about messing up the place before making more bad jokes. 

Back at the Lair Catwoman is in an..."enthralling" exercise position, as RD is made speechless. And he didn't even need his voice stolen! (:36) 

This leads Vince to anecdote when he was in WCW: he did a similar gesture while on the road to icebreak his young protege Bill Banks...except he was naked. RD considers leaving the recording before he tries self-losing his voice.

Eenie: "Why don't you steal Batman's voice while you're at it?"
Catwoman: "Never! One of the few joys I have in life is when his rich manly baritone caresses my ears with "Catwoman, you are under arrest." It makes everything worthwhile."

In the regular part of the Studio, Vince somehow recognizes well known actor Joe Flynn as dancing instructor Benton Belgoody. Someone exits wearing what white men in the 60's considered ethnic African clothing as the Duo enter.

Batman: "Citizen."

Of course Benton does not know who the Dynamic Duo are and mixes up their names. Robin tries to play the tough guy and demands Miss Klutz. (Ahem.) After Benton disregards him Catwoman appears anyway.
Batman: "Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than harming them!"
Catwoman: "A bit of whimsy that escapes me at the moment, Batman."

Cue fight where Benton immediately gets knocked down. The other men all fight while Catwoman and Eenie watch.
Catwoman: "If he weren't such an old stick in the mud, I might let him live. But I think I can handle Batman. It's just that Robin is all work and no play. "
She considers giving Robin to her lady goon while she takes the Dark Knight for herself, but then she remembers Robin's youth. "At that age all they care about is baseball."

The Duo win the fight with a half-minute do-si-do, then block Benton as he tries to crawl away. He thus does the polite thing by taking his place with the fallen goons. He's a dance instructor though, he should know his steps. 

Catwoman asks to makeup her face before surrendering, and Batman of course totally lets her without making sure she does anything underhanded. I guess since they were the sneaky ones last time this is a fair play turnabout or something. Catwoman thus incapacitates them with drugged claws.
Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into, but in this situation it's entirely app...app..appropo." (They pass out.)

They are thus deprived of utility belts and put in a glass echo chamber where any and all sound is magnified "ten million times" which technically isn't physically possible. She plans to Chinese water torture them with a drumbeat while staring at Batman's crotch.
Catwoman: "Your eardrums will be shattered. Shortly following that, your brains will be turned into *yak*! And then I shall return, and you can be mine forever Batman...well, I'll have to sacrifice your intellect, but with a build like that, who cares? After all you can't have one's cake and eat it too." 

Narrator: "Zounds! What sounds! Will Batman be reduced to a handsome robot? But only to serve Catwoman? Is Robin to become little more than a cuddly teddy bear for Eenie? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!" 

Vince still doesn't know what her plot is yet other than trying to seduce Batman.

Vince asks RD's advice on buying NFL Blitz.


  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]

  • Window Celebrity: 2. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Stately Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet, Things that should never be discussed again

Episode 66: Holy Zola!: November 13, 2022

The Bird's Last Jest
December 8, 1966
"Discovering why the Penguin wants to return to prison, Batman has a counterplan that needs Alfred's participation."
60 minutes

RD Wants a Penguin Gun. But what about his submarine?

College Vince once bought a Videodisc player from Sears. RD wants to guess what videodiscs he still has. Submit your own guesses to Vince for a chance to win Batman coasters!

Jeff complained that Vince needed a gimmick pop filter over his microphone. Now Vince is complaining that the filter is not secured properly.

The episode aired when the Yankees traded Roger Maris to the Cardinals for who knows why.

This week's summary is longer, since they summarize the previous episode for the last time in the series. Narrator: "Deadly Penguin guns are waiting for Batman and Robin!" RD thinks they shoot miniature Penguins. 

The Batmobile goes on a different highway than the norm (on their way to the suburbs). On exit the Duo climb over the shortest fence known to man. 

O'Hara is still in his tiny trunk on top of a really short slide that the Duo somehow know to go to before Chickadee pushes it into the poolside. The Co-Bros consider the whole thing very sloppy. 

The other goons then start shooting at the Duo with sadly normal guns. The Duo deploy their plastic and clearly labelled Batshield.
Robin: "Holy Guadalcanal Batman!"
Batman: "Robin stay calm. Let's assess this desperate situation."

Vince does not know the meaning of "dollars to donuts". 

Penguin is about to flip the electrical switch to fry the pool, so Batman delicately throws a Batpellet that knocks the villain upside down. Once they reach the electrical wire Robin suggests using the Insulated Batclippers, but Batman decides to use his Batinverter to reverse polarity. Because of course you can. This launches the trunk ten feet into the air.
Batman: "It's really simple. By reversing the polarity of the cables, I transformed the swimming pool into a giant anti-magnet. It repelled the metal of the trunk."
Matey D: "CURSES!
We're out of ammunition. "
Batman agrees as he has been counting the bullets fired like what he did with Shane. "Surrender you criminals! Up with your flippers!"
Penguin: "Our perfect ploy has gone awry sadly!" This is despite his wanting to be arrested anyway, and attempted murder should normally do that. 

Instead Batman sentences him to the "Bar of Justice" i.e. a courtroom. He is thus charged with kidnapping of a police chief, illegal electrification of a swimming pool (Vince: "Is there such thing as a legal electrification?"), littering public property with machine gun cartridges without proper license, attempted murder, mayhem, battery, and compound assault. (:21) As District Attorney Harvey Dent Jefferson Hamfurter is absent (being Hamilton Burger with Perry Mason), Batman asks Judge Moot to take his place. Because of course he can, much like he can be a sudden mayoral candidate. 

They ask the Penguin on how he pleads.
Penguin: "In the immortal phrase of Emile Zola: J'ACCUSE!"
He expresses his right to be arrested. "Do we live under a code of law? Or do we live under a costumed mad man's feelings?...As a law breaking citizen, I have a clear right of admission into the Gotham State Penitentiary. Now, deprived of those rights, I had no other recourse but to protect myself by any means at my disposal."
Judge: "In other words, the acts of which you're accused, were merely a citizen's reaction to illegal police conspiracy?"
Penguin: "Solomon himself couldn't have put it in any neater nutshell, Your Honor."
Batman: "But Your Honor, kidnapping, mayhem, the attempted drowning of our beloved police chief?"
RD: "No one loves police chief O'Hara."
Robin: "Holy flip-flop! What happened to justice? You call mayhem a normal citizen's reaction?"
Judge: "Enough, Boy Wonder! I fear you've our of your depth in these thorny matters, way way out. Now our code of law is the cornerstone of our society. Whenever it is violated by those sworn to uphold it, in which case you clearly did Batman, what recourse has this humble citizen but action? Which of us is to cast the first stone?"
Batman: "We're outwitted."
He withdraws his charges, and of course Penguin is angry again that he can't go to jail.
Judge: "Your eloquence has gained your freedom, Mr. Penguin. Now fly the straight and narrow path forevermore."

In the Batcave, Batman paints fingerprints over Alfred's with regular paint.
Robin: "I bet Batman is the only one in the world with a hand steady enough to paint false fingerprints."
Batman: "Come now, Robin, don't exaggerate. All it takes is a little practice and a bit of patience."
Alfred: "It's really fortunate the criminals don't realize you can do this."
Batman: "It wouldn't help them if they did, Alfred. Those poor wretches are addicted to tobacco and alcohol; they lack the nerve control for this sort of work."
Alfred is to go to the Penguin's Nest and not touch anything for 83 seconds. Batman then calls the police's "Special Tip Line" and disguises his voice by putting a handkerchief over the telephone. 

At the restaurant Matey D alerts his boss that some "nitwit...that bone headed chief flatfoot" has found a fly in his caviar. Penguin: "What now?" (:29)
Said bone head O'Hara is arguing with Alfred who's disguised himself by...not wearing his glasses. Like the Bros I am definitely sure Batman learned this from Kal-El and thus told Alfred.
Penguin thinks he's actually Quill "Pen" Perch, another master forger, but he has Chickadee get his fingerprints just to be sure, and compare him to his fingerprint records which he just has with him in an exclusive restaurant. Of course they "match", and he moves to shake with a gloved hand. 

Vince does not know the tale of St. Patrick.

Suddenly Alfred puts on his glasses, stopping Penguin in his tracks since he now recognizes him. After gassing him with his umbrella gun (and only then realizing he's in the middle of a busy restaurant), he has to vacate the premises with "the outbreak of a sudden epidemic: Moldavian food poisoning. I suggest while you can to run for your lives to your favorite family physician." Once they do leave he tells his goons: "this is an imposter. I recognize him as a busy body who has stumbled into my stew before! Mr. Blue! I want you to prepare fifty pounds of pie-crust. We are going to make a gigantic butler pie!" 

In the Batcave Batman is concerned that Alfred hasn't reported back yet: "I may have made a grave mistake in sending Alfred to that devil's lair." The Bros wonder why he wasn't any closer to act in such a situation. So they have to now drive over there in the time it takes the restaurant to paint a "Moldavian food poisoning" sign.
Batman: "Sinister. This could be a crude attempt, a crude but well painted attempt I say, to throw us off."
They enter the lair once more, as shown by the camera Dutch angling almost to the point of falling off. They find Alfred's hat heavily coated with pastry flour.
Robin: "Holy chocolate éclair! What could it mean, Batman?"
Batman: "I scarcely dare to think. I fear it's too grim!"

Back at Stately Wayne Manor Penguin brings in a giant pie as Aunt Harriet tries to shoo away "you hideous creatures!"
"Your nephew Dick" calls asking if anything new has arrived for them. Penguin replies and Robin almost loses his temper.
Batman has to quickly cover the phone: "Careful. You're Dick Grayson."
Robin: "Oh, you mean the Penguin? The famous criminal I've read so much about?"
Penguin: "That's who I mean, Dicky-boy! And you better tell your guardian Mr. Wayne if he wants to see Alfred alive, he better hurry home fast!"

Cue the Duo returning and going up the compressed steam Batpoles into Bruce and Dick. (:38) Upon seeing the gifted butler pie Bruce is bemused: "what an extraordinary pastry."
Dick: "Yes, it's the biggest one I've ever seen."
Penguin: "Its name is humble pie, Mr. Wayne, you're about to eat it!"

As his goons light one of those cooking candles to warm the pie, Penguin demands $1 million in cash or he will serve Baked Alfred. Bruce pats his coat to show his wallet is not on him, and asks to go to his study's wall safe to get it. Penguin lets him go get it without having he or one of his goons follow him to ensure no funny business. 

Vince is reminded of Freddie Blassie's opening line on his appearances with Regis: "I have more walking around money on me than you make in an entire year!" RD has Regis' Christmas album where he sings Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with, of all people, Donald Trump. I'm sure to him it's the best selling album of all time, bigger than Abraham Lincoln, and big and strong people walk up to him all the time with tears in their eyes to tell him so.

The Duo of course instead go down the Batpoles to change, then go back up after turning off the "automatic costume-change device". They then do a "small tricky charade" by...shouting very loudly and unconvincingly.
Batman: "Good gravy Dick! Look! Coming through that window!"
Robin: "Bruce, why isn't that Batman and Robin?"
Batman: "It certainly is Dick!"
Robin: "Go get them Batman and Robin! We'll just be out here so as to not be in your way!" 

Batman had (supposedly) planted a tracking beacon in Penguin's top hat.
Batman: "Up with your flippers! Surrender that gigantic pie!"
Penguin: "CURSES!"
Cue the fight. Chickadee holds Harriet at gunpoint, but Alfred pops out like a dancer from a birthday cake and grabs the gun, so Harriet can hit her with a vase before fainting. The Duo subdue Penguin by spinning him round (right round, like a record). 

Making sure the villains and Harriet are knocked out, the Duo then instantly change back into their civilian attire in a jump cut. Bruce wonders where the Duo went.
Alfred: "They departed through the windows sir, in some haste. Oh and sir, they asked me to give you a message: 'Should you ever again come up against a criminal as the Penguin, don't endeavor to capture him yourselves.'"

Cue the villains waiting in the holding cell of Gordon's office. Penguin is finally happy that he is going to jail at last - until Bruce and Dick show up, having secured parole for a rather giant Ballpoint Baxter.
Dick: "Mr. Baxter is going to teach penmanship in one of the Wayne Foundation camps for underprivileged children."
Penguin: "Oh, no! No! What about the underprivileged criminals?"

Vince wondered why they didn't just release him for that in the first place. I wonder why Penguin tried to do what he did to get imprisoned when he could have just broke Ballpoint free. Or just wait for him to leave on his own accord, like what all the villains seem to do on a weekly basis.

No wonder the police are so incompetent they need the Dynamic Duo.

RD thinks (33 year old) Chickadee was a "very bland" 6 Batpoles. Vince gives her 5. (:50) They think this is a thing of Penguin's, that he doesn't really care for the women around him unlike Riddler and sometimes Joker. Actor Grace Gaynor had only a few TV roles in the 60s, though her last roles were in Fletch and Fletch Lives.

Despite all this the Bros enjoyed the creativity of the story. It certainly helped that the wackiness of the plot and its scenes (especially the courtroom one), helped things lively even if the overall story didn't really make sense.

Vince is still subjecting himself to watching Raw, poor guy. He can't get over how even with prepared scripts, somebody like Naomi Sky can flub a line read pretty badly: "You still haven't eaten Bailey?" RD: "I can't believe I don't watch Raw."  


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [6] (Burgess Meredith) [6]

  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Batman 66, femme fatales
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 2. Paul Harvey, Dick Dastardly
  • Outdated references: 1. Guadalcanal
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.


Episode 65: Holy Jellyfish!: November 6, 2022

The Penguin's Nest
December 7, 1966
"Facing the strange situation of the Penguin determined to be arrested, Batman must figure out why."
59 minutes

RD: Won't Pay $100 Cover Charge. He complains on having to be on time unlike Blade Vince. However he has an actual excuse of being on GAW (the show run by Mickie James, Lisa Marie "Victoria" Varon, and "So Cal" Valerie Wyndham). He still remembers Mickie's immense kindness once when he was unable to work with her and Nick Aldis due to his mother's condition. RD still has to meet her for Blade's sake, but Lisa Marie and Valerie were some of the nicest folks he had met.

Vince also takes the moment to remark on new regime WWE still doing pretty badly with ratings, even on Halloween. "Bro, kids are not trick or treating at 8 o'clock at night, bro." They shouldn't anyway, it's a school night. 

The episode aired on the birthdate of C. Thomas "Soul Man" Howell. 

"An old super crooked fiend" (according to the Narrator) is opening "The Penguin's Nest" restaurant on top of a skyscraper with a very bad looking sign. (He couldn't afford to rehire the artist who drew the Vote For Pengy posters?) Another better looking sign states there is a $100 cover charge, "only rich people and friends admitted". I don't remember the last time I ever paid a cover charge. Vince somehow remembers a $5 charge for the disco.

Among those already seated at a table with the Penguin are the Disguised Duo (Bruce & Dick), the Undynamic Duo, and Aunt Harriet.
Bruce: "To think you've mastered the art of haute cuisine in the kitchens of the Gotham City State Penitentiary, it certainly proves that almost nothing is impossible."
However he notes the odd way they have to write down their order and hand it off to his goon as a maître d' (literally named Matey Dee) is "fishy, not efficient".
Penguin tries to ignore it to flirt with Aunt Harriet while stealing her diamond bracelet, only to be caught by - O'Hara??? Broken clocks I suppose.
Penguin: "I've been caught with my feathers down."
A suspicious Bruce suggests looking further into this as with Batman, but Penguin just says to take him to prison anyway.
Gordon: "When this pompous waddling master of foul play asks to be arrested? Thanks for the advice Bruce, I'll call Batman at once."
Cue Gordon going to a phone booth. Cue Bruce going to the phone booth next to him to get Alfred to connect them. Gordon is so happy he jumps out of his booth with joy: "We're in luck, Batman's home."

Vince only visited the UK after the bulk of his career. The public garbage cans have small openings to prevent bomb drops...and garbage. 

Batman says he may be late in arriving. Gordon: "I'll wait however long I need to, Batman!" Harriet wants to go back home so Bruce and Dick take her home and go down the Batpoles.

Penguin is still at the restaurant when the Dynamic Duo "arrive": "Just when I learned to fly straight, I destroyed my life again! That's the way the iceberg crumbles." (:19)

Batman asks the Undynamic Duo how the restaurant is doing. Business is great, with an average pre-drinks tab of $87 alongside the $100 cover charge (which today would both equal $1,639.50. Holy Fees!). Neither Bro would spend more than $100 current dollars. Vince would even only allow his wife to drink water (the high costs coming from all the condiments she probably uses). 

Batman clears the place of the goons: besides Matey Dee, previously Warden Crichton's personal valet, there's Cordy Blue as the chef, formerly "chief hash slinger at the state pen", and "bootlegger of untaxed cigars" Chickadee as hat check.

Gordon: "You make something of this enigma, Batman?"
Batman: "It sticks out like Penguin's nose."

Batman asks the "policemen" to forgive Penguin for "the impulsive theft of that bauble".
Penguin: "Great quivering jellyfish!"
He then throws a pie at Gordon. O'Hara goes to arrest him.
Batman: "
No, Chief, no. He was merely baiting us. Don't swallow."
Robin: "Have a heart, Chief, Penguin didn't mean any harm."
Gordon: (Trying to say "Didn't mean any harm?") "Blah blah blah blah blah?"
O'Hara: "Hitting a police commissioner in the puss with a pie?"
Batman: "No, he was simply overwrought with astonishment. Anyone can make the same mistake."
Gordon: "Anything you say Batmannnnn!"
Batman offers a cup of warm cocoa.
Penguin: "Ah! Fah! Phooey! Fudgey!"
O'Hara: "I'd like to grab that bird by the neck! I'd like to pluck him! I'd like to prod him all the way to the pen with a pointed stick and toss the rest of this pie in after him!"
The Duo, seeing there's no way to do things properly with these incompetents, decide to leave to do a wall climb to check out the kitchen.

The kitchen is in fact the lair, where Chickadee tries to soothe her "Penguin poopsie: don't lose your cool."
Penguin: "I'm the Penguin, how can I lose my cool?"
He needs to go to prison because for some reason he can 'process' all the hand written orders by the clientele. The goons suggest other crimes to attempt.
Penguin: "Fah! That's fiddlesticks! If a bird can't get arrested by potting a police commissioner with a pie, what chance with those piddling ploys?"
Then his Batdetector on his umbrella flashes: "we have bats in this belfry!"

Actually the bats are outside the belfry and slowly ascending. (:30)
Robin: "It's sure a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin: that hundred dollar cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's terrific chow is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, you're right Batman. All the needy people in the world. The hungry children..."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."

As they climb a harpsichord plays a melody frequently heard on The Addams Family, before Lurch appears out the window.
Lurch: "Ohhhhh. It's youuuu, Batman... gave me quite a start."
Batman: "Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord."
Unfortunately he does not inform him that he missed his employer's appearance in town some days prior.

Vince has plans and tactics for how to fight off each scary movie horror and villain. This includes Michael Myers' harpsichord play his theme when he's around, tipping off potential victims. He then forgets the name of "Austin Austin", giving RD a big chuckle.   

The Duo then see Penguin shoot Mr. Blue for supposedly being a traitor, but upon breaking in to arrest him find it's just a blank. Batman: "I observed the recoil of that umbrella gun. Obviously its angular momentum was inadequate for the mass of a real bullet." 

But they decide to humor the Penguin and take him to the city jail: "Petty crooks only!"
Penguin: "I'll sue you, you pioutest upstarts! You have absolutely no right to do this to me! How dare you confine a supercriminal of my ilk in this petty city jail all night, this tawdry penny ante pokey on a charge of simulated murder!"
Batman tells him he's actually charged for the forbidden discharge of umbrella guns in the kitchen of a licensed restaurant.
Robin: "Yeah, call your lawyer! Have him look it up!"
Batman: "Good day Penguin. Reflect on your petty sins, you bush league bird!"
RD honestly thought Robin gave the bird the bird.

In the Batcave the Duo look up Penguin's "permanently reserved cell" which is right next to that of "Ballpoint Baxter, the ugly master of forgery." (:41) This proves Batman's theory that Penguin would have had Baxter use the handwriting on the orders to forge checks. RD has Vince please to explain checks. But then how would they get the blank checks? They call up Warden Crichton on a clearly labelled phone next to another sign for an "Entrance to Subterranean Grotto." Vince thinks it's like the Playboy Mansion if it had a Batlabel printing press. 

Crichton is woken up from sleeping during his working day (story of my life) with a sleeping mask and cap. Of course inmates can get blank checks from the print shop, why do you ask? It's all in rehabilitating them to responsibly use personal finances and reintegrate themselves back into society.
Cue Batman's disgusted look on his face: "Ah, another of your advanced penological techniques...I've always had boundless admiration for your efforts, Warden. But sometimes...I just don't know."

Vince would sometimes write with (other) Vince in what would very much be his dining room where he took power naps for 20 minutes at a time.

The Narrator reminds us he's still here as the Duo drive from the Batcave to the prison. The Penguin managed to smuggle a tiny Penguin radio in with him, which he uses for his schemes. He thus calls his goons who come to the city jail backdoor: "No unauthorized exit!" They ask the gatekeeping Sergeant O'Leary if they can bring him a birthday cake. O'Leary takes out his metal detector to check for inner surprises and immediately gets shocked.
Matey Dee: "Wow! This high voltage battery pie sure worked the way the Penguin said it would!" 

However the Duo appear just as the goons break their boss free.
Batman: "The best-laid plans of birds and men gang aft a-gley."
At least he said it the proper gang aft way. 50% is progress, yes?
Chickadee then shoots at Batman, who unlike Robin has the scriptwriter's luck to not get hit: "You deluded murderous girl."
Cue fight, during which Robin pulls on Penguin's beak. "Stand still you red breasted road runner!" he still manages to squawk out.
O'Hara runs in just to trip and thus get Chickadee to capture him. The Duo thus have to let them go.

Penguin then calls Gordon in his office to tell him and the Duo that O'Hara is being held in the swimming pool of an abandoned rec center.  
Batman: "Do you promise a fair duel? Robin and I against your mangy mob?"

Cut to someone's backyard swimming pool with O'Hara in a very tiny box like he's secretly a contortionist or something. "Let me out of this infernal hamper you devils! What's the idea?" he shouts muffled. They also plan to shoot the Duo into the pool and use their pool electrifier. 

Narrator: "Crossfire! An electrocution looks like the end! Have our heroes ever been in a nastier spot?"
RD: "...yes?"

RD will be playing pinball as part of the Christmas parade through Shelbyville.

Recent Headlie: "“Unemployed Vince McMahon” Costume Actually Vince McMahon".

  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [6] (Burgess Meredith) [6]

  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Which
  • URLs not taken: 1. VinceRussoattheDisco.com
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Ted Cassidy