Episode 58: Holy Boo!: September 18, 2022

Deep Freeze
"The press continues to attack Batman and Robin, thanks to framing by Mr. Freeze. As public animosity mounts, the Dynamic Duo decide to hang up their capes for the time being. But when Mr. Freeze demands the impossible sum of one billion dollars, or else he will cover all of Gotham City with ice, the Caped Crusaders feel compelled to go back into action to foil the frosty villain."
57 minutes

RD: Bow to the Brows! His camera is off as he prepares his "wild" orange eyebrows. 

Vince recently recorded another podcast on how Batman may have killed off The Munsters (TV shows, not the actual characters...I think). 

The Narrator takes six hours to summarize for some reason. 

Robin whines, vowing to visit a Turkish Bath after their escape. RD wonders if he's being euphemistic. Batman asks him to kick around at the bottom of the vats. He knows about the steam in a Turkish Bath's pipes because of course he does. RD: "I suppose he spent some time in the Middle East." Well, obviously; he did train under Ra's Al Ghul after all (once he got around to being created in '71). 

Elsewhere Freeze is rather sad that he got rid of the Duo so quickly. He tells goon Chill to get his instant camera for "the greatest ice crime in history that will destroy all of Gotham City in a few minutes" and finally bring Miss Iceland down to his temperature.
Miss Iceland: "Never! Not if I live to be a hundred... below zero."
Freeze: "You're stubborn but you're beautiful. ... Wild!"

Vince has never heard the word "bemoan" before. 

Meanwhile the Duo manage to escape off-camera to the Batcave. (:13) In the Gotham City Herald: "Commissioner's Stolen Watch On Batman's Wrist!"
Robin: "Holy distortion!"
Batman: "Although the newspaper clearly indicated this photograph came from an anonymous source, and that could quite possibly be a fake, the great majority of the people will only look at the photograph and not read the text."
Alfred: "An unfortunate failing of the masses, sir!"
Batman: "Time to just hang up the cowl!"
He plans the people to think they have retired with the use of a "run-out powder" so that they can entrap Freeze. Aunt Harriet needs Bruce and Dick to run an errand for her in town anyway, so they somberly walk to the Batpoles to surface. 

Majors is already in Gordon's office pelting him with much questioning. Gordon tries to run out of time.
Majors: "No, you don't have time. At least not wristwatch time! Maybe you better ask Batman the time of day. Isn't he wearing your watch?"
O'Hara has to dismiss her for some reason. "Back to your typewriters!" But Gordon laments: "the terrible tide of adverse opinion may soon engulf our Caped Crusader!"

Almost immediately someone takes their Batman poster out of a drugstore window which also includes what RD thinks is a bong (in the store front, not the poster). A kid seeing this boos Batman before walking off past Bruce and Dick.
Bruce: "Nothing has ever cut me so deeply to the quick. No blow ever struck by any arch-villain has ever hurt me so acutely as that little boy's boo."

In the lair Freeze plans to "wild" freeze the city if he doesn't get one...BILLION...dollars. He rubs the eyebrow rather than put a pinkie to his lips, but the point still stands. 

...yet only now do they actually check if the Duo are actually "freezies for Goliath". 

Shockingly Gordon starts saying "wild" in his office upon hearing the demands...to Bruce and Dick who are just there. Did they go to report that booing child? Bruce tells Gordon not to underestimate Freeze. 

To show his seriousness Freeze "blackmails" them to see a demonstration conveniently right now: by freezing all the waterworks. This doesn't deter the same sargeant of the day before who thinks the waterworks employees are all drunk. Hard cut to a news anchor reporting on the city suddenly going to hell. And they didn't even have to cut off the bridges first

A delighted Freeze thus plans to go to Switzerland with his Mrs., but he has to freeze her first since for some reason she's still not wanting to go along with him. Vince wonders why she didn't use the a shag carpet rug in her cell as a cover. RD wonders how freezing her would change her mind, let alone how it would help their relationship. 

The Undynamic Duo do the important job of...standing around and watching the news. Obviously they can't pay the ransom but what would Freeze gain out of this? Gordon thinks it is revenge for his condition. Yet they have yet to call the Duo for help.
Gordon: "I never thought it could happen. But like so many of us, I... I'm afraid I've lost faith."

Then after the break we suddenly see the Dynamic Duo out and about in the Batmobile like it's just a regular day driving to the lair. According to Batman a bad rep is one thing, but a threat of a frozen city is another. (:34) They climb up the building but only see "stooges" instead of window celebrities. Batman demonstrates his strength by bending a TV antenna to disrupt the signal.

Freeze: "What's the matter? First the commentator said the stock market went kaput and now the TV set went kaput. How else will I know if I get the billion dollars or if I have to destroy Gotham City?"

Goon Frosty heads up to the roof to check, allowing Batman to ambush him with a hammer to the head.
Batman: "That should straighten out your antennae!"

The Co-Bros have fond memories of their satellite dishes.

The Duo finally re-encounter their opponent.
Freeze: "Batman? But... but, but, but you were supposed to be a famous frosty freezie by now."
Batman: "Exactly what we wanted you to believe!"
Freeze then points to the frozen Miss Iceland.
Miss Iceland: "Batttt...mannnnn..."
Robin: "Why you... beast. You sinful beast!"
Batman: "You're inhuman. An absolute demon."
Freeze: "Inhuman? Demon? Wild!"
Cue the stunt doubles in the fight, in which the Duo are corralled into Miss Iceland's cell. Freeze has to come back later to finish them off, which went so well last time.
Thankfully Robin has his thermal underwear while gesturing with his bare arms. 

Freeze calls Gordon to gloat he has the Duo captured and gives them a very exact 26 minutes. This important call done with, he returns to the cell to freeze ray the Duo, but of course they are unharmed.
Batman: "We took the precaution of processing our crimefighting costumes with a special Bat-Anti-Freeze-Activating solution."
Robin: "And rubbed some on the rest of our bodies."
Cue second fight, where someone throws an ice pick at Paul to use as a tripwire. The goons are locked shut in the cell despite the door being blown earlier (Batman has to adhere the breech before hand). Freeze's collar is broken so they have to put him in the cell also.

More importantly Miss Iceland is released. Cue Batman rubbing her extremely hard. (Ahem.)
Miss Iceland: "Oh Batman, what can I ever do to thank you?"
Robin: "Thank the judges of the Miss Galaxy Beauty Contest, Miss Iceland. They agreed to postpone the final event until you were found."

Vince gives Miss Iceland a very cold 2 Batpoles since she was more old enough to be Mrs. Iceland. RD is of course shocked at his colleague's rationale, his lowest by far. RD thought she was glamorous and figured even with too much makeup, giving her 7.5. Vince doesn't want any woman above 30 on the show for some reason. Feel free to make your own joke here.

38 year old Dee Hartford was once a model...in the late 40s. Her sister Eden was married to Groucho Marx for 15 years  (Dee herself was married to Howard Hawks for seven years) and through him she found most of her work with Irwin Allen, including being an android in Lost In Space.  

In the Office (:49) Batman reminds Warden Crichton about Freeze's temperature despite the Commissioner wanting him to boil.
Batman: "A brother's sufferings claim a brother's pity, gentlemen."
Robin: "Holy epigrams!"
Batman: "No, truisms. No man is really all bad."
Then the Duo have to go to the Miss Galaxy contest.
Robin: "I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides, beauty contests are practically an American institution."
Batman: "You see gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable." 

As they leave the booing kid from earlier is there to see him, moving Batman. He vigorously rubs the boy's head before they go to the elevator.

Gordon: "False pride is indeed a dangerous thing, Chief O'Hara."
O'Hara: "False pride? We were talking about beauty contests."
Gordon: "I'm talking about myself. How hard it is to admit when I'm wrong, but I was wrong, so wrong, [To the camera] when I ever even imagined I was losing my faith in Batman."

RD has to entertain the people. Naturally he puts all the blame on Vince. 

RD reminds us that the 80s were a weird time

Rupert's Kids Arcade has started doing 50% off fundraisers.

 

  • Special Guest Villain: Mr. Freeze [2] (Otto Preminger)


  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Wild off-camera.
  • Entertain The People: 1
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD 
  • Wild: Salmon

Episode 57: Holy Wild!: September 11, 2022

Green Ice
"Mr. Freeze is in town, and has begun a new cold wave of terror. He launches "Operation Hate Batman," framing the Caped Crusader as taking a bribe and dressing his own henchmen as Batman and Robin. As the negative press mounts, Mr. Freeze works on his plan to turn the Dynamic Duo into human Frosty Freezies."
55 minutes

RD: Shut Up About WILD. He took Jr on a road trip to his first (AEW) PPV. He found the whole kerfuffle with Punk "interesting" but thought Tony Khan should have been more assertive in handling him. Vince reminds bookers not to befriend talent. RD wonders if this includes them. "Speaking of talent," Mr. Freeze is probably the first to show attraction to ladies, which will be hilarious when later tales have his whole impetus to save his wife Nora. RD: "Man's gotta have priorities." 

A "beastly hot day" is still a good temperature for the Miss Galaxy beauty pageant. RD would have voted for Miss Barrier Reef. However before any judging can be done, Mr. Freeze and his goons come in to kidnap Miss Iceland and blow a kiss to the others.

O'Hara comes into Gordon's office all wet with sweat while his boss is informed about the actions of "that cold-blooded, cold-hearted, callous culprit Mr. Freeze". 
O'Hara: "It seems a pity on a day like this to call out the Caped Crusader."
Gordon: "Fair weather or foul, dog days or a monsoon, who else can we call in such a crisis? And who else will answer?"
O'Hara: "Maybe Batman will welcome the air conditioning."
They then look up into the roof's giant vents to see Mr. Freeze standing inside looking down upon them.
Mr. Freeze: "I wonder iv Batmen will welcome the air conditioning!"
He then freezes the entire office with his freeze ray.
Alfred answers the call with a yawn: "naturally, sir." Bruce picks up.
Gordon: "Batttt...help..."
Bruce: "The commissioner...I think he was trying to tell me something."

After the titles (:13) Mr. Freeze is in an ice cream truck across the street of Police HQ. Knowing the reporters will be following the Duo he tells his goons Chill and Shivers to prepare themselves with a "wild". 

Gordon's doors are iced and snowed shut.
Robin: "Holy polar front!"
A police sergeant thinks the two "policemen" have already frozen to death.
Batman (nonchalant): "A negative view point sergeant; man has nothing without hope."
He blows up the door with plastique as the Undynamic Duo slip and slide all over the place. The Dynamic Duo try to warm Gordon by throwing a cape around his shoulders slapping him. To be fair I would slap him too even if he wasn't cold.

As Freeze tries to flirt with his captive, the Bros note how well the makeup did to make Otto Preminger look as hideous as possible, complete with giant orange eyebrows. 

Gordon wakes up, blessed to be rescued by his one true love. (No wonder in the storylines he's usually divorced.) "No matter how thick the battle, no matter how heavy the frost, no matter who you really are, or where you ever come from, I knew I could count on you Batman!" 

They manage to fix the office just as the first reporters arrive on the scene, among them "Nellie Majors, Gotham City Herald, as if you didn't know."  Vince wonders if she was at the PPV/scrum.
Oddly they have to inform the unaware Batman of the earlier kidnapping.
Robin: "Mr. Freeze might be involved."
Batman: "Robin! Since when do we make public accusations without strong solid proof? Robin's indiscreet statement is strictly off the record."
Majors: "I've seen many heroes tarnished in the course of my career."
Gordon: "Nellie! I will not have you talk to the Caped Crusaders that way!"
Majors: "Oh you too Commissioner! Do you have something to hide?"
RD wonders why she wasn't working with Freeze with that line of questioning. 

Suddenly someone wonders in with a giant block of the titular green ice - dollar bills - for Batman for "Incidental Crime Expenses".
Majors wonders if it is a giant bribe. "Your mask seems to make for an excellent blindfold!"
Batman requests to donate it directly to the police since they haven't heard of a thing called money laundering (...among other things).
"It's not your fault Commissioner. And certainly don't blame Miss Majors'. [To the camera] A reporter's lot is not easy. Making exciting stories out of plain, average, everyday people like Robin and me..."

Sadly Freeze's lair is not the truck, but the Frosty Freezies cold storage plant, where he is in the midst of planning Operation Hate Batman. (:26) Quote he: "wild." He reads and praises Majors' article in the paper, but doesn't go any further with her involvement in his schemes. Miss Iceland is imprisoned next to a giant thermometer, where he plans to accustom her to -50 degrees. 

Vince raises a good point. (I know.) If Batman is to be investigated for any potential shady dealings, why has there been no reporting of the time a woman fell to her death in the Batcave's Atomic Pile? 

Then the two goons enter dressed up as the Duo. "I'm Batman!" says the one. RD was sad it was not the usual stunt doubles. 

In the Batcave the Duo use their Batanalyzer to determine that more 'bribes' will be involved. You don't say.
Alfred: "Knowing first things come first, sir, I waited until the last possible moment before interrupting your important computations, but the guests will be arriving shortly."
Batman: "Guests?"
Alfred: "Yes sir, the poolside reception this evening. For the Bruce Wayne Foundation."
Robin: "Holy tuxedo! If we're late, Aunt Harriet will kill us!" 
Batman: "'Kill' is not a word to be bandied about haphazardly Robin. Angry, yes. As well she might be if we're late. Don't forget we've placed the entire burden of this reception on her stout unselfish shoulders."

This is the first we see of the stately poolside in the series. Newly reelected mayor Linseed tells pushup bra-ed Aunt Harriet how thrilled he is to be at "Stately Wayne Manor".
Harriet: "I originally planned to have it all 'Japanesy'. But the caterer called and said I should really do it Irish because green was most becoming to women guests. I even have the reflection pool died green."
Gordon: "Mrs. Cooper is a clever Colleen, Bruce."
O'Hara: "Who'd a thought it? A wee bit of the Emerald Isle right outside o' Gotham City."

Vince once lived in a log cabin in Indiana next to a catfish filled lake and had a very powerful blue dye. 

This is the perfect opening for the caterer to appear, who is of course Freeze.
Dick: "Let's get him, quick!"
Bruce: "Patience...Dick Grayson."
Some other policeman tries to stop Freeze, so of course he shotgun-style freezes him into standing still while a green halo is superimposed on him. This is so drastic an effect the show immediately cuts to break right in the middle of it.

When we return, Freeze orders his goons to rob the people. O'Hara wants to sneak around but Bruce denies him; better to lose a few "baubles" than risk lives. Cue Gordon making a scene and pleading pathetically on losing "a generous memento given to me by the good folk of Gotham City!" 

Freeze then orders everyone into the reflecting pool so he can freeze them in place. Quote he: "wild." This includes Bruce and Dick, as the "Duo" promptly show up...and collide into each other. RD is not sure if this was better than Ruby Riot falling flat on her face. But they manage to stage their "fight", during which "Robin" stubs his toe before "Batman" punches him. He almost punches Freeze too. Then they all just run off with a "wild", leaving Alfred to thaw out the pool.

Back in the Batcave Alfred has reservations about the Duo's reported reputation.
Batman: "There are other reputations to be considered: Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, Mayor Linseed. None of this looks good for Gotham City."
RD: "Did any of those people have any stellar reputation to begin with?"
Batman also still needs to rescue Miss Iceland. "Her kidnapping seems to have become secondary. A regrettable situation for any young girl."
They do manage to find his prospective lair though.

In the lair Freeze has to reassure his captive that she won't turn into a glacier. Then his goons give him his meal of frozen food. RD wonders how he can eat. Vince thinks he gnaws on it instead of cooking it first. He then hears that the Batmobile is out front, just as the actual Duo enters.
Robin (reading the list of flavors): "Gosh, Batman, dig those flavors: lemon lime, orange, raspberry, pineapple..."
Freeze: "Take your choice, Boy Wonder. Haven't you read the newspapers, Batman, haven't you heard the stories? The public is fickle. You are no longer the great hero of Gotham City. And soon, very soon you'll be hated, despised like me. Wild!"
Cue a very short scuffle that the Duo win. They are so much in their hubris from their superiority that they don't take any sort of precaution to Freeze's freeze ray.

So the Duo find themselves in giant frozen snow cones about to become human Frosty Freezies.

Freeze: "Wild!"

Narrator: "Can zis... eh, I mean this...be happening? Batman being made into a pineapple Frosty Freezie? And Robin into a lime one? Has the diabolical Mr. Freeze out-witted the Dynamic Duo after all? With some fancy ice-work? Hope for a miracle, and stay frozen in your seats! Until tomorrow: same time, same channel!"

RD: "Batman is blue. Since when is pineapple blue?"

RD tells Vince about United Dairy Farmers. Vince has Costco's soft serve. 

Sad News: RD is no longer relying on Patreon support now that he has a new source of revenue. 


  • Special Guest Villain: Mr. Freeze [2] (Otto Preminger)


  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Talent, Her
  • Wild: Minnesota

Episode 56: Holy Bulging Ballot Boxes!: September 4, 2022

Dizzoner the Penguin
"The mayoral campaign seems to keep going the Penguin's way, but Batman is still confident despite the polls."
57 minutes

RD: Random Sampling Error. He is still casting his vote for Pengy. Vince got confused by the title. He gives himself applause. RD's check is to clear today. Vince gives him applause. 

Jimmy Hendrix once opened for the Monkees (when he was alive of course). Micky Dolenz follows Vince on Twitter. Former WWE writer and non Monkee Brian Gewirtz recently followed RD. Vince's first concert was Sonny & Cher at 8 years ago. RD saw Sammy Hagar and Krokus at 14. 

The Narrator implies the Penguin was a pimp to draw in support. (:08) RD: "Perhaps Penguin's last name was Moolah." Robin became a "political liability", as if he isn't already every other week. This is why Superman works alone.

For some reason the scale the Duo are in stops moving as it should. Batman apologizes for not preparing for the goons - so he wraps his cape around and throws himself down, throwing Robin out of the scale. Batman is of course completely unscathed due to Alfred's acid-proof "costume". Robin: "Holy coffin nails!" 

Meanwhile at Penguin Campaign HQ, the girls show him their buttons. Campaign buttons, I mean. RD notes the similarity to the same scene in Batman Returns.

Sadly the girls won't feature any further in the story so RD has them rated. (:14) Vince gives them all 7 Batpoles anyway due to their "generic" similarity.

  • The one with the most airtime is the short blonde Lulu. RD gives her 7.5. Cindy Malone only additionally appeared in Bewitched and Love, American Style, but is the niece of Spike Jones. 
  • Redhead "Penguin Girl #2" got a 7. Judy Parker was a songwriter of renown and was married to Bob Gaudio of The Four Seasons.
  • RD refuses to rate taller blonde "Penguin Girl #3" because Linda Meyers looked 13. This was also her only acting role.

A goon reports that the Duo have escaped. Penguin: "FAWWWWW! Faw on him! Well, he's not smearful!" He prepares to try and defeat him again at their debate. 

At the Batcave Alfred applies makeup to JFK Batman while he's still wearing his mask, while Robin wonders why they're going through with a debate barely two hours after trying to kill him. (:19) Batman sadly has no proof to give to the Fair Campaigns Practices Committee. It's not as if he could take a photo or anything from a Batgadget or other. 

Cue the debate. Penguin gives his "solemn word" to not mud-sling "unless my opponent does it", but he still wonders about the "acrobatic clown" that hides a "dangerous criminal". He's always seen with fellow criminals after all! This is totally unlike the Penguin, who's always surrounded by the police as "an associate of the law". 

Gordon listening in (any excuse to not do his job huh?) is furious. O'Hara: "He's as crooked as a warped shillelagh!" 

Penguin: "Now, which man do you want to run Gotham City? A man like myself who is always in the company of the law, or a man like Batman who rubs elbows with the worst elements of this city and who is undoubtedly a desperate criminal himself?"

As Batman tries to respond, the Penguin's goons hijack the feed to cover his words with a Pengy campaign song. Robin breaks in to call out Penguin (which is apparently something anyone can do in the City's debates). Penguin replies to the "Wonder Midget" that he has his fanbase that he can entertain instead of bore. 

The debate is interrupted again by some breaking news: the Convention Hall is being robbed. Gordon has to shout at his vacant eyed deputy to get over there. Batman also goes, as does "Citizen Penguin to the rescue!"

Jack Benny's announcer Don Wilson as reporter Walter "Cronkite" Klondike is already at the scene at "one of the greatest robberies of all time", as are the candidates by the time O'Hara shows up. Before the chief can really get going complaining about the Penguin, Klondike has to cut to pioneer game show host Dennis James as Chet "Huntley" Chumley. He has a chalkboard tracking the tallies of Batman and the Penguin's takedowns, including a rather modern table spot. (Robin can't do much because he strained his hand after punching someone.) Password host (and Betty White's husband) Allen Ludden as David "Brinkley" Dooley tries to talk to them in the middle of combat. Well, Batman is actually fighting, while Penguin is reminding his henchmen to follow their spots. Then David is knocked down to the ground: "I'm here live on the convention floor." Penguin has a higher count (7) because obviously the Dark Knight (1) is in "cahoots" with his criminal peers. 

Batman: "Nobody likes a loser, Robin." 

At Batman Campaign HQ, the two Duos and Linseed learn Penguin is still leading at 65%.
Batman: "I think you underestimate the good citizens of Gotham City, chief. ... Elections are not won by polls, commissioner. They're won by votes, at least in this country."
Then Klondike starts reporting the actual returns, with Batman doing better than expected. (:33)
Penguin responds by calling Gordon: "I just want to tell you you're not to worry about your job. See, I'm appointing the Riddler new commissioner of police. And you tell that Irish stooge of yours that his next job will be shining the shoes of the new police chief: the Joker!"
Gordon: "The terrible thing is, in a few short hours, that mangy bird may be my boss..."
Then Klondike notes that Batman is gaining ground due to votes from "the Indians" in the west.
The three pollsters show up to an enraged Penguin. "You three blowhards told me I couldn't lose! What's happening?" "The X factor?" one wonders. "Random sampling error?" is another.
Klondike continues to report Batman's closing in.
Batman: "Smart politicians trust the voters, not the polls. After all, if you can't trust the voters, who can you trust?"

In desperation, Penguin plans to kidnap the vote counters to stop the count, but not before hanging up the pollsters on the wall. "I told you not to count those hobos down at the freight yard!" says one. "What about the two sword swallowers and the lady wrestler you turned in?" replies the other. "Nobody will ever listen to us again," bemoans the third.
"Don't worry. We can always get a job rating TV shows."
Cue the three looking up to the camera with huge smiles. 

Penguin quickly captures the counters, and plans to have them work in a morgue, giving a smile to Lulu for some reason. Of course Batman assumed this would happen and that he would have them in his GOON building and they rush over there. He also manages to get Penguin wanting to wring the city dry.
Batman: "You've goofed."
Robin: "No good mayor ever goofs!"
Batman: "You said we were associated with criminals? Well here we are...Pengy." 

The fight is a simple one, though none can compare to the earlier melee. Robin however manages to do a leapfrog over a henchman. Lulu runs off into oblivion. Penguin is boxed up in a Campaign Literature Packager.

Penguin: "Fraud! It's a fraud, I say! I demand a recount!"
Batman: "Don't worry! You'll have another chance...on the convict's committee for Queen Prison government. They're having an election next week. You should arrive just in time to run for chairman."
Robin: "If you need any endorsements, just let us know."

In Gordon's Office, Batman immediately resigns to cede power back to Linseed. Because this too is someone one can do immediately. (:42)
Then the phone rings for the former one day mayor.
Batman: "I'm flattered that your committee should be interested in me as a presidential candidate for 1968. But I'm afraid my Gotham City duties take precedence. I'll definitely let you know if I change my mind."
Robin: "Bulging ballot boxes, Batman, that was some offer!"
The phone rings again.
Batman: "I'm flattered, gentlemen, but I thought your party had a candidate for 1968."
The joke here is that the latter call was from the Democrats, who thought Johnson would run again before he decided not to. Perhaps he should have stayed on, buoyed by the then Republican mayor of New York City...John Lindsay.

Then RD's check bounces. So much for that campaign. 

The Bros loved the entire plot, even with the weak escape, though it would have detracted from the rest of the story. 

RD wrote about Not Gorgeous George Jefferson and Charo on Fantasy Island. Between her and Julie Newmar Vince would choose the latter, as hard a choice as it may be. The Bros wonder about Charo's actual age. 

RD has changes upcoming to the Patreon. 

The video progrem is "far and away" Jeff Lane's favorite show on the service, and he's not even a huge Batman fan.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [5] (Burgess Meredith) [5]


  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Smearing
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Acid-proof costume 
  • Window Celebrity: 3. Don Wilson, Dennis James, Allen Ludden
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

Episode 55: Holy Bard!: August 28, 2022

Hizzonner the Penguin
"When Penguin runs for Mayor of Gotham City, Batman is persuaded to run against him."
59 minutes

RD: Voting for Goldwinner. He is the 3rd or 4th vote.

The Washington Post once ran an article on the story having an obvious connection to an election 50 years later. The story's original airdate was a week before the '66 midterm elections anyway.

RD reminds Vince he has a Vote for Batman sign hung up in the room. 

'Hizzoner' is slang for 'his honor', which tripped up Vince in trying to figure it out. 

The Gotham City Charity Fund annual luncheon is gatecrashed by the Penguin - who stops a "foul play" robbery by "Harry Hooligan" on a blind man with a boxing glove umbrella. 

RD recently saw a drive-thru attendant at the Chick-Fil-A wearing a chained wallet.  

"That crooked quack is up to no good," says one policeman.
Penguin: "Citizen Penguin to the rescue!"
The policeman wonders why the Penguin is not hitting him instead, and knowing the uselessness of the police I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to defend himself. Instead the Penguin gives the criminal to the police to arrest.

So yes, he's pretending to be a good guy again.

Gordon is shocked when hearing about Penguin's antics, including donating $100,000 to the Fund. O'Hara: "That feathered fiend must be cooking up something pretty foul in his bubbling cauldron!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor Dick is woodenly practicing his Macbeth. Bruce reminds him he has a civics exam to study for. Alfred is laying on the floor, perhaps overwhelmed by his bad acting (and he should know since Napier was also a Shakespearean actor in his younger days). He gets up to answer the Batphone, then passes it to Bruce who is just standing there.
Bruce: "Civics will have to wait, Dick. Penguin is up to some new tricks. Alfred, you may exorcise your familiarity with the bard."
Vince: "What's the 'bard'? I've never heard that word before in my life."

Cut to the Duo in Gordon's Office an elevator in Police HQ going to Gordon's Office on the 13th floor. (:13)
Robin: "Did you hear those rumors in the lobby? The Penguin running for Mayor?"
Batman: "Well it's a free country, Robin."
Robin: "It won't be if he's elected. Besides, I thought convicted felons were barred from holding any official office."
Batman: "I suspect Penguin has done his civics homework, and just discovered a paragraph 34.8 of the city charter has never officially been repealed. That would be the one that specifically allows convicted criminals to run for public office."
Robin: "Holy disaster area!"
Batman: "I don't think there's any danger of the Penguin being elected, Robin. The people of Gotham City are not as simple-minded as he might think."
As they exit the elevator, the other occupants reveal their Penguin for Mayor badges.

Incumbent Mayor Linseed is at the Office waiting for the Duo to say his farewells to. Gordon's assistant Bonnie brings in Linseed's pollsters Gallus (Gallup), Rooper (Roper), and Trendek (Trendex) who have their own portable presentation slide. Penguin is leading at 60%, compared to 30% for Linseed, 7% Undecided, and 2% (from two old women) for Harry Goldwinner. They then leave to go report the same to Penguin.
Linseed: "He knows even more underhanded tricks than I know!"
He then requests Batman to take his place as mayoral candidate, which apparently is a thing one can do at the drop of a hat (or cowl). Batman has to look outside the window for a moment to reflect on this.
Batman: "To run for mayor of a great American city like this...it's a great responsibility. But am I worthy of it? Why don't you ask this of Bruce Wayne instead? I can ask him on your behalf you know, old chum."
But he decides to accept for the will of the people. "Hooray for Batman!" they all cheer.

The plan of Penguin wanting to run for Mayor is so obviously evil that the people...would allow him to run again in Batman Returns, in Gotham (even before Batman), in 2003's The Batman Adventures, and in Harley Quinn (though this is the Joker's attempt). 

The Penguin's lair campaign headquarters has lots of signage and excited folks singing "For He's a Jolly Good Penguin" while carrying him on their shoulders. (:22)
Lulu (a little girl): "Gee, I wish I was old enough to vote for you, Mr. Penguin."
Penguin: "Don't worry, little one, you'll get your chance on my fourth term."
The pollsters enter with their portable presentation slide. Now Batman is leading at 55%, compared to his 35%, 7% Undecided, and 3% (from a third) for Goldwinner.
Penguin: "So, old pointy ears has thrown his cowl into the ring, huh? Good! Once and for all I'll settle matters with that masked moron. And when I finish, he won't even garner enough votes to be elected dogcatcher!"
Cue everyone cough laughing.
Penguin: "Double the assessments. Triple the size of the posters. Quadruple the number of campaign buttons. We'll give the voters of this city the kind of campaign that they want. Plenty of girls and bands and slogans and lots of hoopla. But remember! No politics! Issues confuse people. A big smile, a hearty handshake, a catchy campaign song. That's the way to win an election."

All of a sudden RD gets 'persuaded' by a donation to the RD Reynolds Fund to exchange his Batman signage for Pengy ones, including his Rebel Alliance cap. Now he's RD: Vote for PENGUIN. (:25) Vince wants the same things in the mail.
Vince: "A 100 grand?"
RD: "I can be bought a lot cheaper than that."

Sadly Batman's campaign headquarters is not the Batcave. Even worse is the Duo having to help organize things instead of doing their actual job to combat crime or practice their King Lear.
Robin: "Don't you think we should make these election posters a little bigger, Batman?"
Batman: "I think these are quite large enough, Robin. After all, the voters are interested in issues, not window-dressing."
Robin: "Sure, Batman, but a little showmanship wouldn't hurt us any."
Batman: "No, Robin, I want to conduct a campaign that deals with the issues. I'm convinced that the American electorate is too mature to be taken in by cheap vaudeville trickery. After all, if our national leaders were elected on the basis of tricky slogans, brass bands and pretty girls, our country would be in a terrible mess, wouldn't it?"
Then Aunt Harriet donates a check in person.
Robin: "Holy bank balance!"
Batman: "It's because of people like Aunt - oops, Mrs. Cooper - that our campaign can't fail, Robin."
RD wonders how Batman could cash it.

Then they go around town to see the small Batman signage compared to the much larger Penguin ones with such topical slogans as "Tippecanoe and Pengy Too!" and "All the Way with Pengy" (instead of LBJ). (:32) Vince remembers a 6 foot girl in the 7th grade named Kim Davies that he and his friends made fun of for some reason (for fear of her beating them up). One person starts spraying graffiti on a Batman sign before a cop pulls a gun on him to shoot a Vote for Pengy flag. 

O'Hara notes in Gordon's office the Penguin's effectiveness, before lowering his head to reveal a Pengy sticker on his hat. Gordon gets up to show his Pengy on his back.  

Meanwhile the people want Batman to kiss babies...but he refuses for sanitary reasons. (:35)
Mother: "My child unsanitary?"
Father: ""A politician that won't kiss babies? That's outrageous!"
Batman: "I admit it's rather unusual, but - "
Father: ""It's more than unusual, it's downright suspicious!"
Penguin (suddenly appearing): "It's more than suspicious, it's downright criminal!"
He's more than glad to give a peck while still with the cigarette holder in his mouth, and as he does so he covers Batman's stickers with his own.
Penguin: "This child is beautiful, just like his mom!"
Mother: "I am never gonna go to Batman's rally, the man is a child hater!"
Robin: "It was a dirty lowdown trick!"
Penguin: "Right you are, my masked mutton head! Politics is wonderful! I can use all my lowest, slurpiest tricks, but now they're legal! I should have been a politician years ago!"
Batman: "Bear in mind, Robin; most politicians are honest servants of the people. The dishonest ones are the exception."

Then Batman has to give a very dry rally speech to a half dozen people. Gordon wishes for more energy. O'Hara has fallen asleep, but of course. Linseed asks Robin if they can have a brass band.
Robin: "Batman doesn't want the campaign to be a vaudeville show."
Linseed: "This isn't a campaign, this is a funeral service!" 

Cut to Penguin's raucous rally with Paul Revere and the Raiders playing a Yankee Doodle arrangement.
"Vote for Penguin, yes sirree / He's the bird for you and me / Clean up Gotham, 1-2-3 / So cast your vote for Pengy!"
Then Penguin sings something unintelligible before removing his hat. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Penguin Party stands for: mother, country, and the flag."
Old woman drinking champagne: "It's such a pleasure to hear plain, honest talk from a candidate instead of the usual political mumbo-jumbo!"

In the Batcave Robin bemoans their chances against someone giving out free champagne.
Batman: "The Penguin depends on the cynicism of the people, while I depend on their good judgment. Let's just hope that I am right."  

Penguin's agenda has him visiting the Grand Order of Occidental Nighthawks, or GOON, so the Duo pay a visit to verify that it is in fact his henchmen. Cue fight with a bright spotlight on their stunt doubles. Robin is captured first, even with one of the 'men declaring "enough of the fancy umbrella play!"

The trap is a giant scale (measuring with "close/agony/KO/curtains") with the two over sulfuric acid against melting giant ice cubes. Penguin makes a show of complaint ("the election's on ice!") and dissolves one of his umbrellas to show the acidity. He would make a call to the police to rescue them...if he only had enough change. Wahk, wahk, wahk, wahk. So he decides to waddle to Police HQ within 3 to 4 hours.

Narrator: "Holy Batgraves! An acid bubble bath for Batman and Robin! What a way to lose an election! Batman don't just lie there! Do something! Whatever you do, don’t miss tomorrow’s bubbling finish! Same time, same Bat channel!" 

RD wonders why he would want to kill off the Duo anyway among other illegal activity if he is leading in the polls anyway. Old habits die hard, I suppose. 

RD is thankful he met Lex Luger some years ago and they hit it off very well, especially on social media. (:52) Vince once worked on a Christian wrestling show and outreached to Lex while he was still battling his personal daemons. While Vince was giving a speech Lex was making the children laugh by mocking Vince through making funny faces (or perhaps they were pained faces due to his shirt being too tight too Billy). Then he got arrested (for something else, not for mocking Vince).


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [5] (Burgess Meredith) [5]


  • Entertain The People: 1
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Paul Revere and the Raiders

Episode 54: Holy Mitts!: August 21, 2022

The Dead Ringers
"Batman and Robin escape Chandell's trap. Once back in the Batcave, they deduce his plan to get the Wayne family fortune by killing Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, then marrying the rightful heir, Aunt Harriet. In order to trap the villain, Bruce and Dick fake their own deaths. However, Harry has also figured out his brother Chandell's scheme, and desiring the Wayne fortune for himself, concocts a plan to masquerade as his twin brother."
64 minutes

RD is sadly not deucedly attractive. Apparently "deucedly" is not an American word. 

Thankfully RD is mostly recovered from last week by watching a Woodstock miniseries. Unfortunately now Mrs. and Jr. have to handle it. RD: "I just farted all the time while her nose wasn't working." Vince suggests to pop the eardrums to get some taste back.

RD's old boss was a conservative for all the wrong reasons. 

The Narrator calls Chandell "Fingers" and music "dreadful" for some reason.

Robin: "Life: a cup full of surprises to the last drop." (:09)

To get out of their trap, Batman asks Robin to sing the same notes as he. Cue horrible noises from the two. RD: "These men did not sing." Once extricated, Batman explains that they shouted high and low enough to make the recording machine punch the paper around them instead of on them. They would also have to sing extremely high and extremely low beyond even most trained singers (and their own vocal chords). They're just that good!
Batman: "I visualized the chords in my mind."
Robin: "Holy perfect pitch!"
Batman (into the microphone in his hand): "Let's burst in and bag those birds!" 

They enter the room while Batman has a piece of paper stuck to his foot. As the women flee Batman immediately knocks Harry down with a Batarang. 

Harry is taken for interrogation under a lamp with most of its bulbs out. (:16)
O'Hara: "Alright canary, start talkin'!"
Harry accuses "Fingers" as the one who wants to rob Wayne before attorney Alfred Slye enters to ask for proper treatment of his client.
Gordon: "We only need apply patience and subtlety, the honest policeman's only aids."
So they turn the other bulbs on the "subtle interrogation lamp". Slye gives sunglasses and a helmet to Harry to wear. 
Gordon charges Harry with attempting to perforate the Dynamic Duo into player piano music rolls. In response Slye charges the Duo with damaging the perforating machine with foreign objects, "said objects being themselves." Then he and Harry just leave while Gordon questions the world's sanity.

In the Batcave the Duo are also mentioning Fingers who "fits like a glove". (:20) Batman theorizes that if they die then the entire estate will go to Alfred Aunt Harriet, since she is of course related to Dick instead of Bruce. ... oh wait.

Speaking of, Alfred not Slye is to take her to see Chandell again. Batman: "This Chandell is a deucedly attractive fellow. He could pull it off." He asks Robin to access his "super keen musical memory" by closing his eyes and forming a thought bubble of Chandell sitting at a player piano in order to determine his location.

Chandell is in his dressing room serenading Harriet and lays her on a couch, as the Duo eavesdrop in voyeuristic disgust.
Batman: "Self control is tough. All virtues are, old chum. That's why they're called virtues."
Then they return to Stately Wayne Manor before Fingers can do his namesake. 

At the Manor Dick causes an explosion in his darkroom (in a hall closet) scaring poor Alfred. RD has to explain what a darkroom is. (:30)

In the lair Chandell reads about a "tragedy at Wayne Manor" while his girls are all over him. He announces his plan to marry Harriet for her $5 million for Harry. "Imagine: farewell, Chandell. I'll cast off my criminal skin like a moulting butterfly." In response they complain about their lot and side with Harry. Alfred Slye also demands his fee of $100,000 by the end of the day or he will give them all up.
Harry: "A legal question. Say this boob marries that Cooper dame. How long until the will's settled and he gets the money?"
Alfred Slye: "Well, considering the current state of our courts, about eleven years."
Harry: "With the Dynamic Duo on our tail, we'll be lucky to last eleven hours!"
Then the ladies bagpipe Chandell and Alfred Slye.

Harry comes to Wayne Manor as Chandell to console Harriet: "they were enlarging a photograph of meeeee!" The Duo watch on the "Wayne Manor TV Circuit Closed" as Harry proposes, then asks her to sing with him before he leaves. After he does she shouts for Alfred: "I need a glass of blackberry brandy!"
Alfred: "This unprecedented request for strong spirits: is something amiss?"
Harriet: "That was not Chandell. There's an old saying: a girl can tell."

Cue Harriet "singing" backstage. (:36) RD wished she was deliberately singing badly. Harry tells her to take off her hat to sing better. Vince is stymied by the word "chapeau". Harriet takes off her hat - and pulls out her gun. "As they say in the movies, stick up your mitts!" He does so and the player piano continues on without him. He then tries to tell her that the bagpipers are behind her but she doesn't believe him. "You think I'll fall for that, you old chestnut?" RD think she was badly attempting to adlib. 

The women knock her out and put her in a chest. Harry has his own henchmen put it in a van as Alfred Slye watches. Then Harry pulls out a machine gun and just starts firing - but the Duo pop out with a Batshield. They had tracked her (and her "chauffeur" Alfred) in a planted radio in her handbag and had somehow managed to swap places during the transfer. Yes, without anyone noticing. Yes, while leaving her trunk just there on the side of the road. 

Batman: "Time to end this criminal symphony!" 

Cue a very quick fight where the folded up Batshield just vanishes. RD: "Well it folds up nicely." The women attempt to strike but with no effect.
Batman: "Poor deluded females!"
Women: "And you, nasty old man!"
This time he has Batgas of his own to knock them and Harry out, just as Chandell and Alfred Slye are about to be fed into the punching machine. 
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, maybe we don't know how to turn this machine off!"
Batman: "It is a thought, Robin. It's not much more than they deserve."
Robin: "A lawyer who mocks the law? And an artist who takes up a life of crime?" 

In Gordon's office he gives Harriet a "Citizen's Special Anti-Crime Award" for her action of holding a gun. (:44)
Harriet: "A person just does what he has to do. And that's what makes America great, isn't it?"
Gordon: "If only there were more like her!"
He has a note from Chandell breaking things off to leave on a "tour".
Gordon: "With good...performance, it will last about three years."
Said performance is in jail with everyone wearing pinstripes while Chandell plays The Prisoner's Song. 

Vince wonders if he can get the women "all at once".

  • For redheaded Doe, Vince didn't find her too attractive but gives her a "generous" 7 Batpoles. RD thought she was too masculine and had too much makeup but gave her 6.5. Marilyn Hanold of Queens was a Playmate of the Month and was in The Brain That Wouldn't Die. RD: "She was far more attractive in that, maybe because it was in black and white." She would marry an oil tycoon not long after the series and resides happily in Salt Lake City.
  • Brunette Rae is a "step up" for Vince to 7.5. RD gives her an 8. Edy Williams (from the aforementioned Salt Lake City) was known mostly for her work with Russ Meyer, and even being married to him for some time. The Co-Bros forget that she was also the hostess of Catwoman's restaurant-lair The Pink Sandbox
  • Blonde Mimi is Vince's "top of the food chain" at 8, like RD. Sivi Aberg was Miss Sweden 1964. While her credits are scant, it does include an uncredited appearance in Mel Brooks' Silent Movie.
  • Vince: "All these women that we've gone through thus far on this series; what percentage of them do you think, they thought this was their big break?"
    RD: "Oh, all of them." (Except Jill St. John.)
Vince enjoyed the story playing to the strength of Liberace's sincere flamboyancy. (:57) RD thought it was alright.

Next week is the return of the Penguin in a premise that is to be revisited in the Batman mythology. RD points his finger upwards. Vince: "Rectal exam?"

 

  • Special Guest Villain: Harry (Liberace)


  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Clothespins, three, miniseries
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Mask of the Phantom of the Opera
  • RD Time Outs: 
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

Episode 53: Holy Fratricide!: August 14, 2022

The Devil's Fingers
"Chandell, the musical virtuoso, visits Gotham City for a piano concert. But unknown to the public, Chandell is being blackmailed into a life of crime by his twin brother Harry, who retains most of the profits. Chandell intends to buy off Harry forever, and he knows just where to get the funds - from the Wayne family fortune. With Batman and Robin out of town, he suspects the robbery will be a piece of cake. However, Batman has been listening to Chandell's concert remotely, and after detecting an anomalous chord, summons Robin back to Wayne Manor to investigate."
47 minutes

RD: Knows Nothing About Liberace. Mike Check would disapprove. However I will cut him some slack since he's doing this while lightly afflicted with Covid. Sadly he does not Penguin laugh, so perhaps he will need some slack back.

Also Sad News: Disco Inferno didn't know about Cheatum either.

Also Also: YouTube gave Vince a strike for "spam" for the actual name of Cheatum. RD: "You shouldn't have listened to me." Vince is awaiting their return to sort out the issue. RD: "They haven't kicked me off Vimeo yet."

:08 A "peaceful evening" at Stately Wayne Manor of a piano rehearsal has bra-ed Aunt Harriet talking to the pianist named Chandell, who compliments her "voice of a nightingale". Alfred being a man of culture of course gushes all about him. 

Vince tried to envision Liberace without his hairpiece.

Suddenly "a sexy trio of bagpipers" (RD) / "three female pied pipers" (Vince) enter the room. Chandell: "You fiendish figments of the imagination! What's the meaning of this?" They demand jewelry "due to your budding music...wheree'er you perform". They then knock them out with gas normal playing of their bagpipes.

Cut to - Stately Wayne Manor. The Undynamic Duo are questioning Harriet who fears when the Dynamic Duo will return. Bruce is with his hunting club while Dick is on school holiday. Gordon goes to call Batman through his office, not noticing Alfred answering from the study that he is unavailable.

Gordon: "Do you know what this means? The moment we've dreaded for years has arrived: this time... we're going to have to solve a case...ourselves." 

After the titles we cut to the Batcave where everything is covered while somber music plays. 

Cut to Gordon's office where he and O'Hara question Chandell on who would know what he was up to. (:17) He tells them it's in the society pages, which for sure neither "police officer" would ever read.
Chandell: "Now, are you going to call Batman, or do I have to call him myself... [he points to the Batphone] ...on that famous hotline I've read so much about?"
Instead O'Hara orders all the cops in the city to drop whatever they are doing to protect his concert, offending the musician to no end.
Chandell: "Good day sir...but will it be a good night?"
Gordon: "I'm frightened, Chief O'Hara. An echo haunts my ears. I wish I could hear the noblest, most inspiring words in the English language: "To the Batmobile Robin, let's go!""

Our lair is in the Parnassus Music Roll Company, where Chandell is in fact an "infamous criminal genius", with the trio - Doe, Rae, and Mimi - in silver outfits. He declares the initial infiltration of the Manor a success before Harry, his actual evil twin brother, comes in on a splitscreen. Harry is blackmailing his twin for 95% of the profits, but Chandell is willing to do one last job by stealing $5 million from Wayne. Liberace had not really acted before this (as anyone who had to sit through Sincerely Yours could tell you), but (like Elvis) he did have a stillborn twin. 

The police protection includes fingerprints, sandbags, and machine gun encampments around the venue. (:22)
Gordon: "There's a certain undefinable clumsiness to our procedures."
Alfred: "How very gauche, if I do say so!"

Also the trio are outside as impressive looking belly dancers.

Thankfully Bruce is not totally separated from the city he is sworn to protect. In what would definitely be in character for him today, he is able to listen in from his camping tent. He notices an oddly placed C-minor chord. He asks his chum to check on their muskrat traps.
Meanwhile Dick is at a soda shop getting lost in a young lady's eyes.
Dick: "Gee, Sal!"
Sally: "Gosh, Dick!"
Dick: "That about says everything, doesn't it?"
Sally: "Mmmhmmm."
His cockblock is his ringing book phone so he manages to get Sally away for a moment while he talks to Bruce on his fishing pole phone. Cue the saddest face Dick can muster as the Duo have to go do their job.

At the concert Gordon is informed that a Burmese import company was exploded as Chandell played a "Burmese number".
Gordon (pleading to the sky): "Batman, Batman where the devil are you in this hour of need?"

The Duo have returned to the Manor. Alfred is there by himself since Harriet is still at the concert. Or to be more specific, his dressing room.
Dick: "This isn't good. Chandell's a ladies' man!"
Bruce: "Really, Dick? I'm afraid some romantic interlude has fevered your imagination. Your Aunt Harriet is utterly above reproach."
Before they can descend the Batpoles they see the trio fleetingly outside the window. Bruce decides to go down after a moment without closing the curtains first.
Dick: "Holy apparition!"

Alfred: "Your deep excursion into the wilderness has sharpened your mind."
Bruce: "Gordon will be alertly marshaling all the forces of law and order."
Smash cut to Gordon with a desk full of drugs. The Batphone rings.
Gordon: "GASP! Batman! Batman! The answer to a policeman's prayers!"
He tells Bonnie to notify Chandell that the Duo are operational again.

Of course Chandell is not happy to hear it. He gives a smitten Aunt Harriet root beer and kisses her hand, almost making her sob (or wet somewhere else on the body).
Vince: The size of her caboose."
RD: "She's a large lady."
As soon as she leaves in ecstasy he rolls his eyes. He quickly consults Harry in the lair on what to do about the Duo. (:34) Harry decides to send for his own henchmen, the Piano Movers. 

Chandell hits himself with a bottle just before the Duo arrive.
Batman: "The poor devil, he's been assaulted with a root beer bottle!"
Robin: "Holy fratricide!"
He revives him with smelling salts.
Chandell: "Heavenly days, am I dreaming?"
Batman: "No, it's us in the flesh."
Chandell tells them this is Harry's doing, and gives them the lair's address with a zip code of 9999979. The code, besides being too long, also puts it on the western US, contrary to - again - Gotham City being traditionally in the east/New Jersey. 

The Duo find the "felonious phantoms" are already at the lair.
Batman: "From the looks in their eyes, I think they're victims of some kind of criminal hypnotism."
The Movers then appear, starting a "humorous" fight with their stunt doubles while the women try to distract them. Then Harry drops a giant roll of player piano music on their heads to knock them out.

Cue the stunt doubles tied onto conveyor belts.
RD: "It's in Adam West's contract, I think, that if he's going horizontal he has to have a lady with him. Otherwise it's a stunt double."
They're about to be fed into a cutting machine to be made into piano player music.
Harry: "Farewell, costumed clowns!"
He then puts a dime into the piano to start it up.
"And now: exit music for a pair of bats!"

Narrator: "How will this music end? Tune in tomorrow for the dire dreadful dirge!"

For some reason the Batmobile's start button was spinning in the credits instead of the logo. (:38)

RD is able to do more frequent things for the site instead of having to devote time and energy to a radio progrem with an unreliable co-host. One is about the Skyscrapers destroying the Ding Dongs. Another is about trivia from the WWF Magazine that Vince did not yet write about. 

RD: "Pen names are wonderful, says RD Reynolds."


  • Special Guest Villain: Harry (Liberace)


  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

Episode 52: Holy Marbles!: August 7, 2022

The Yegg Foes in Gotham
"When the lease payment for Gotham City fails to be made on time, possession of the city falls into the hands of Egghead. Chaos ensues as the villain fires Commissioner Gordon and bans the Dynamic Duo from city limits. While the criminal underworld enjoys free reign, Batman and Robin search the city charter's fine print for a solution."
54 minutes

RD: Not an Indian Giver. He was not booked to go to Starrcast. Vince: "Interesting." RD also didn't subject himself to Ric Flair's "last" match due to being soured by his other last match in TNA 12 years ago.  

A "yegg" is an old term for a burglar or safecracker, though no one knows where it originated from.

Gordon and O'Hara have "egg on their faces", as opposed to all the other weeks when they have egg on their faces as the Duo have to do "their weekly call". RD: "Is there really a point to the Gotham City Police Department at all?" Vince thinks it's more than just weekly. 

Vince remembers watching All In The Family when it first aired and it actually had a warning. He recently found and bought a matted poster of Archie Bunker for $8, but couldn't share it on social media for fear of backlash. RD jokes to replace one of the 200 self-portraits in his studio. 

Eggy looks pleased as punch as wacky sound effects and lights flash while he has Bruce in his contraption. He's so engaged with the spectacle he doesn't notice Dick...just get up and move a giant switch to step down the voltage. This of course reduces the operational capacity makes the whole thing blow up. 

Meanwhile Bruce confounds the parts of the machine that still work by...thinking of something else entirely. Eggy: "The man has a mind full of trivia, it's inconceivable that he could be Batman." This is something RD would do if he were in a similar situation by thinking about WrestleCrap. Although don't you need trivia or information to function as The World's Greatest Detective?

With a "how egg-xotic!" Eggy pulls out a radar egg. ""The slightest vibration will make it egg-splode!" he says while putting it in front of his mouth, allowing he and his goons to escape. The prisoners escape by jumping up a pole and shimmying, even the two other millionaires. 

Bruce sees his peers off, then rolls a grape like a marble to blow up the egg. "The age of 11, I was junior marbles champion of Gotham City."
Dick (in awe): "Even then."
I wonder what his parents thought of that accomp - oh. I wonder what Alfred thought of that accomplishment.

The Undyamic Duo are at the City Hall, appalled at the lateness by three minutes of the three millionaires. (:16)
Screaming Chicken: "You'd better believe it, buddy!...You no show up. Me now ownum Gotham City and all suburbs. That is the way the wigwam watusies."

The Mayor is at Gordon's office, explaining the deal is legal despite a kidnapping. 
Gordon: "There's no more law in Gotham City. We're all at his mercy."
RD: "Does this mean Gordon is unemployed?"
Instantly Eggy shows up to fire him.
Batman suggests to "just give him enough rope and let him be hoist by his own petard."
Eggy is the Chief's Chief Emissary and with control over the city. "Egg-spletives will get you nowhere, my cowled crimebuster!" He then fires the Mayor and Undynamic Duo, and egg-spels the Caped Incompetence from the city or they will be egg-secuted. 

The Co-Bros have trouble writing down all the Egg puns.

Batman: "We are witnessing a new low in community relations."

Cue the Duo leaving with the native Batman theme.
Robin: "This is the saddest day of my young life, Batman."
Batman: "What will be, will be."
Robin: "Goodbye Gotham City, you were my kind of town. "

At the Batcave Batman decides to steal the charter as their civilian selves to investigate it for any loopholes or fine print. RD wonders why they don't just use the Batcomputer. 

Cue Gotham City becoming post-apocalyptic overnight. The police are not allowed to arrest the goons on crime sprees on Commissioner Eggy's orders. One of the officers is played by Ben Alexander who was on Dragnet and manages to say a "just the facts, ma'am."

At Stately Wayne Manor they watch the Eleventh Hour News at 3 pm. The news anchor reports on the crimes of the day as goons rob him on camera. 

Bruce and Dick manage to get to the charter back at City Hall. Bruce just breaks the glass to steal it.
Eggy is at Gordon's desk thrilled at the theft knowing the Duo are "back" in town. "When we capture the caped crime crushers, we will remove their masks and egg-spose their faces to the public. Then they'll be out of business. [to the camera] I wonder who they are?" 

Vince remembers when KISS was first un-makeuped on MTV in 1983 and he saw Gene Simmons as "a fat Jewish guy" (his words at the time). He wonders if there is a point or reason then to unmask the Duo. RD is following the recent Harley Quinn series where Joker finds the whole thing ruined once he finds out who Batman is.   

The Duo leave out the back and run into O'Hara who asks for Batman. "Commissioner Egghead wants him shot on sight, so if you can point me in his direction so I can shoot him?" 

Sure enough back at the Batcave the charter fine prints that no one with a criminal background can claim the city. Bruce: "we've got that criminal by his large, grey, double A head!" They know that $30 million in taxes has been collected at the Treasury or "Egg-schequer", waiting for Eggy to claim it and/or await the Duo.  

Sure enough Eggy and goons are there happily counting the tax eggs-xempt cash and making it rain. (:32)
Only now does Screaming Chicken find out that they may not be on the level. "Me think you all crooks! Me go tell Mayor!"
Eggy: "You are the Mayor!"
Vince: (reading) "We get eggs-xalted chief and we get he wants to eggs-xpedite matters."
RD: "That was eggs-xcellent Mr. Russo."

The actual Mayor (Linseed) is with Gordon and O'Hara at his office complaining of his plight at Batman and Robin enter through the window to report their finding. RD wonders why they didn't just go directly and call while on the way.
Gordon: "Call them the Dynamic Duo. The Caped Crimefighters. The Foes of Felons. Call them what you will. But thank your lucky stars we can call them... [to the camera] ...our friends."

As the Duo rope climb down Robin doesn't think Batman is moving fast. Batman: "In good Batclimbing, as in good driving, we must never sacrifice safety for speed."

A Hispanic man pops his head out of the window. "Who may I ask are you two nice people climbing down the side of this building when the elevators are available?" He's on jury duty and asks them to leave behind the rope for a "hung jury".
RD doesn't know this one but Vince does, as comedian Bill Dana's character of José Jimenez. 

The Duo arrive too late at the Treasury, finding only the tied up Chief instead of any money. Eggy and goons are attempting to flee to "lay high" in Venezuela.
Batman: "I think you've been led down a primrose path."
Screaming Chicken: "My face is so red."
Even Vince shakes his head. 

Batman tells Robin to inform Gordon to block the city exits before they...return to the Batcave. Robin takes the opportunity to be proud of their fellow townsfolk for forgiving the Chief.
Batman: "Most people are good. Chief Screaming Chicken was wooed from the path of righteousness by some extravagant promises. It's a human failing that all of us are subject to at one time or another, but that is water over the embankment."
They determine through Eggy's diet of only grade triple A white eggs that he is stocking up at Old MacDonald's Chicken Farm. 

Eggy wants the owner "eggs-pressing your appreciation" despite not paying eggs-xorbitant prices for it. They plan to escape via the not eggs-punged severs.
Batman: "Just the right place for a rat like you!"
Robin: "The only place you will be going is up the river!" 

Cue egg fight. There is an unverified story that Price was to just throw one (1) egg at Ward, but due to some sort of dispute he instead threw dozens at him (and his stunt double). They are accompanied by Eggy's off key theme and a very bad version of Old MacDonald. A victorious Batman promises to compensate for the eggs "at the current market value" but no more. He's not a multimillionaire made out of money or anything.

Eggy: "Woe is me, my criminal career is now egg-stinct!"
Robin: "You're going to end up where all broken eggshells end up: in the garbage!"
Batman: "Miss Bacon, I'm puzzled why a girl of your obvious breeding, education, style, and class should become involved with someone like...Egghead."
Bacon: "I guess I'm just lucky, Batman. Is this the end of the book, Eggy-pooh?"
Eggy: "The end, period. I guess I laid an egg."

Vince finds it unfair that Miss Bacon was fully covered as "a strikingly handsome young woman" so he gives her 7 Batpoles. RD found her bland and "spectacularly unspectacular" but gave her 6.5. Actor Gail Hire only had one movie appearance before the role, and absolutely nothing thereafter. 

In Gordon's office he owes the Duo another debt for their work by helping round up the rest of the criminals. Robin: "The police of Gotham City are the best anywhere." Then the Duo just leave, ending the episode. 

As expected the Co-Bros greatly  enjoyed the story.

They then talk about the wrong episode of next week.

RD will now show Vince all about Cheatum for Patreon.

But first Vince has to run off to the bathroom.


  • Special Guest Villain: Egghead (Vincent Price)


  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Pull the lever, Dick.
  • Window Celebrity: 2. Ben Alexander, Bill Dana
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Spectacularly unspectacular
  • Eggs: Hardboiled

 

Special Round - Man Called Cheatum: August 4, 2022

40 minutes

"I <3 Cheatum" (don't we all) is giddy in introducing Vince to some of WCW's finest theatrical productions featuring an evil one-eyed midget. Vince was at one of the matches (at Halloween Havoc 1992) but didn't remember watching the actual video or any material leading up to them. 

  • :03 First Medusa walks through a very dark set to enter a bar with a dry ice floor to Spin the Wheel Make the Deal (with Cheatum). Cue Jake Roberts arching his eyebrows.
  • In enters the man they call Sting. Vince thought it was Jeff Jarrett. 
  • He and Roberts trade words as the bar patrons look back and forth like a tennis match.
  • Vince: "This acting leaves a lot to be desired."
  • Sting: "You think I'm afraid of some wheel?"
  • He spins the wheel, then has it as a backdrop as he and Jake stand still and face to face, allowing the production "crew" to draw electrical wires/lightning bolts/laser beams from their eyes before an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Halloween Havoc 1992 will be on Sunday October 25th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Of course Vince thinks it's tremendous, but it wouldn't have caused him to go to the match just by itself.
  • Vince does not know how to mute his Discord notification alerts. (For the record, it's in User Settings - Notifications.)
  • :10 Next is the White Castle of Fear (not sliders). Sting gets into a tiny helicopter. While over stock footage of the Rocky Mountains he has visions of Big Van Vader standing in front of a wind machine blowing snow from the side. 
  • Sting: "Could this be some sort of trap?"
  • He checks the rolled up parchment that Vader wrote his invitation on for some reason. RD: "I really need one of those on the wall."
  • Vince: "These are gems, bro!"
  • Sting enters an extravagant set where people loaf around eating amidst dry ice fog.
  • Vader breaks a mirror by shouting and shadow boxing at it, then enters with a laughing Harley Race to trade their own words while Cheatum keeps asking to Play the Game Play the Game.
  • The two combatants then tug of war with a strap (is that the Game to Play?) over an open fire. The strap dramatically snaps as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Superbrawl III will be on Sunday February 21st and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince can't believe he never learned or was clued in about them during his tenure in the company.
  • :16 Finally there is the one for Beach Blast 1993 on WCW Saturday Night (June 19th), the piece that made RD fully want to start WrestleCrap, for good or bad. Nominally it's to be for a tag team match of Sting and Davey Boy Smith vs. "The Masters of the Powerbomb" Vader and Sid Vicious (with Race and Colonel Robert Parker).
  • "Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico" Sid stands confused with the rest of the heel contingent. They point to an "island" where Sting and Smith are playing beach volleyball with some random people (or "orphans" as they call them for some reason).
  • Sting expresses his joy in scoring a point by letting out a tiny "woooo." I think Ric Flair would have a word or two on that.
  • The heels all laugh manically as they discuss their plans.
  • Cue Cheatum snorkeling right next to the beach with a shark fin and carrying a water cooler as someone attempts the expected music on a synthesizer: "My name is JAWS! Now you girls get on outta here!" 
  • He then puts an alarm clock "bomb" on a speedboat.
  • The "orphans" say some lines woodenly as the heels arrive on one of those amphibious landing craft.
  • Sid shows off the flip-flops he's wearing with the rest of his wrestling outfit.
  • Cue some more howlers from the wrestlers as an attempt at a western showdown is played on the synthesizer. When they get up close another randomly strums on a guitar. 
  • Parker offers the faces "two tickets to the retirement haven of your choice". Sting considers it as he repeats the stats of their opponents. 
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" looking sad.
  • The faces decide to go on with the match anyway.
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay".
  • The heels make more threats and laughter. 
  • The faces decide to continue their volleyball anyway.
  • The two girls tell Sting of "a funny guy hanging around the boat". Then they tell Smith of "a guy hanging around the boat going click-click-click."
  • Smith rushes to the speedboat and pushes the two off just as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • Cue "orphans" looking sad.
  • The two then spring up from the water arms raised.
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay". Again.
  • The reel reminds you that Beach Blast will be on Sunday July 18th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince thought it was "very early 90-ish" but thought if it was the work of Bischoff and actual writers at Turner, then it was ahead of his time. RD can agree although he's not sure if he would include Cheatum or such heel plans. Vince would reenact it though, including with Cheatum.
  • :30 In turn Vince has Ultimate Warrior being...selectively edited during a shoot interview. It's still more legible than any public promo or speech. Vince would play it before every creative meeting as an energizing icebreaker (outside WWF). 
  • Vince loved the old Mr. Fuji and Muraco sketches, especially Fuji Vice. 
  • RD thinks AEW's reels and skits are greatly influenced from such vignettes, even if sometimes in parody (the sincerest form of flattery). (:35) The originals were campy but unintentionally went to downright hilarity. Vince is of course reminded of Batman. (Holy Shark Fin!)
  • RD still has yet to find Cheatum in any way shape or form, serious or otherwise. 
  • Vince plans to have some of the clips on a new show he will do with Disco Inferno.
  • Next up for Vince: AWA's private show for Kellogg's.

Episode 51: Holy Bill Of Rights!: July 31, 2022

An Egg Grows in Gotham
"Egghead steals the Gotham City charter. He finds a loophole that could give him control of Gotham City if descendants of the original founding families (including Bruce Wayne) do not pay nine raccoon pelts to Chief Screaming Chicken on time. Not only is he interested in stopping the payment, but Egghead believes he also has a lead on Batman's true identity."
67 minutes

Vince has been looking forward to his favorite villain in the show. RD: Me No Know Either, does not also know it's a reference to A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. 

The original airdate of October 19th (1966) is also the birthday of Jon Favreau, who also directed the live animated action The Jungle Book. Vince is a huge fan of his. SPEAKING OF Marvel, they had an earlier Egghead of their own at this time, most commonly fighting the Avengers. DC's was another original for the show.

Narrator: "A sunny Wednesday morning in Gotham City. The sort of Wednesday that makes you wish it were Sunday."

Among the items on display in Gotham City Hall is its official charter, which proves a popular sight to the tourists and the ten foot tall Egghead just walking among them. His woman Miss Bacon questions its protection from theft before Egghead steals it and gasses the place with a placed egg.

Eggy: "Eggscelent. I might even go as far as to say: eggsquisite."

The Co-Bros try to make sure that the Egg-style is to symbolize his supersized brain and intellect.  

In Gordon's office he wonders how on earth such a crime could occur just by letting a villain walk in without anyone stopping him. He is also confused by why he would steal "Gotham's most priceless procession".  

Vince: "I'm just saying once a criminal doesn't necessarily mean always a criminal."
RD: "On this show it does."
Vince: "...yeah that would be true."

Alfred picks up the phone with another eye roll. Bruce and Dick and bra-ed Aunt Harriet are in the family room 'fondling dead animals'. Bruce tells his ward that the city was founded by three families: the Savages, the Tylers, and the Waynes, on land on Gotham Rock leased from the Mohicans for nine raccoon pelts every five years. RD thinks it's just cover for the typical colonization takeover of the native land. 

(Also of note are that the Mohicans, as Eastern Algonquian, have historically been a northeast/New York based tribe, which fits better to Gotham City being in New Jersey than as the west coast locale its portrayed as here. As you'll see though this is the least of their mischaracterizations in the story.)

For this payment Bruce (Wayne) with Pete Savage and Tim Tyler are to make the delivery to one Chief Screaming Chicken. He got his skins "from a very popular crooner from the 1920's who had fallen on hard times." Vince believes he's referring to Rudy Vallée, who would get his revenge by appearing later on the show as a villain. Alfred tells him he has a "contract to be read".
Harriet: "Those two are so busy, I'll wager Batman and Robin don't get around as much as Bruce and Dick."
Alfred: "I rather doubt that, madam."

Gordon: "Bad news, Batman! Egghead is back with a carton full of crime!" (:19)

At the office:
O'Hara: "He's a tough egg, Batman, the smartest man in the world."
Robin: "The second smartest man in the world."
O'Hara: "Present company excepted, of course."
Batman: "The Gotham City charter; aside from its constitutional edicts, its purpose is to act as a treaty between the Mohican Indians and the Founders."
Robin: "Holy bill of rights! Maybe Egghead wants to start a war between the Gotham City citizens and the Indians!"
Batman: "I rather doubt it, Robin. There's only one Indian left, he'd be outnumbered ten million to one."
He thinks Eggy will just focus on the leasing conditions, perhaps with a deal with Pete and Tim. Pete spends most of his time between Gotham and Paris as a "bon vivant" (since it's a French term you see), and Tim is currently at Tyler Stadium watching his baseball team play the Mets Pets. Speaking of pets, RD first met Bryan Alvarez when he interviewed him for Penthouse.
Gordon: "That leaves only Bruce Wayne."
Robin: "I wonder where he is?"
Batman: "Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are."
They then go off to meet Screaming Chicken. 

Eggy's lair is the Ghoti Oeufs Caviar Company with egg styling all over the place to match the puns and his goons Benedict and fully Caucasian Foo Yung. Vince does not want any slander from RD on his eggsxecutive secretary Bacon. For once he finally remembers Pauline's name. Also Eggy is totally having things over-easy with her. 

Upon eggsxaming the charter, he finds that defaulting on the pelt paying will revert ownership back to the Mohicans. "We've caught them with their eggspost facto down!" 

Cue eggs-plicit close-up as Eggy stares at the camera before we cut to Screaming Chicken's "Roadside Teepee", with servings of that Mohican staple: blintzes. The Batmobile pulls up as a Native American version of the Battheme plays. Then Batman and the Chief do a greeting ritual handshake that is as bizarre as it is stereotypical.
Screaming Chicken: "You only person in Gotham City know traditional Mohican greeting."
Batman: "I've long been a student of your tribal customs."
The Chief asks for an increase to 12 pelts, which would make sense if we are adjusting for new exchange rates and inflation.
Batman: "CONTRACT'S FOR NINE!"
Screaming Chicken: "Indian poor businessmen. My cousin sell Manhattan for 24 dollars. Could have got 35."
But he will be at the ceremony later today.
Batman: "Ciao Chief!"
After the Duo speed off Eggy and goons emerge from hiding. The Chief will still stick with the old deal unless it is not honored or he gets a "highest bidder".
Screaming Chicken: "You make mighty big talk, kimosabe."
Eggy: "Kimosabe? What does that mean?"
Screaming Chicken: "Me no know. Me hear on radio. Very old word."

(In case it wasn't obvious, Screaming Chicken is not originally indigenous in any sense of the word, unless you count when he played Roaring Chicken on F Troop.)

Back at the Batcave Batman wonders where the lair is. This leads them to Ghoti Oeufs; fish spelled phonetically as a joke, eggs in French: caviar. (:35)

Cut to the lair where Screaming Chicken is already. He signs a deal with Eggy for $100 a month and all the eggs he can eat.
Eggy: "I have great eggspectations for our relationship, Chief. I'll tell you what I'll give you as an added bonus: you may have the import eggsport concession for all genuine American Indian blankets made in Japan."
Screaming Chicken: "Oh, you are one heck of fine pale face. You no Indian giver."

The Duo's stunt doubles get inside just as Eggy wants to take a nap.
Batman: "There'll be no rest for the wicked today, Egghead."
Robin: "Boy, do you guys have egg on your faces!"
Batman: "All the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put you together again."
Cue Eggy's stunt double doing an awful job in an otherwise alright fight. Robin gets overwhelmed and the Chief pulls out a large machete.
Screaming Chicken: "We give Boy Wonder very short haircut."
Batman: "You chicken...turned chicken?"
Then Robin breaks free.
Batman: "You put all your eggs in one basket, Egghead, a fatal mistake."
Robin: "Prepare yourself for an eggspeditious defeat."
Batman: "That's very apt, Robin."
Robin: "Oh, glad you liked it."
Eggy: "The yolk's on you!"
He throws a laughing gas egg to cover their escape, leaving the Duo rolling on the floor laughing: "This is even funnier than the Joker!" This is despite his not yet using any (signature) gas so far.
Batman then gives Robin "sad pills" that he just seems to carry around everywhere for some reason. I could see him doing such a thing in today's stories when he needs some angst to remember his parents or something. RD thinks he took some from Miss Patrick's confiscated drugs.

Back at the Batcave:
Batman: "That poor misguided Redskin! He's obviously under Egghead's influence!"
He calls Pete's number from memory astonishing Robin with a reference to a girl he and Pete once dated. Pete responds with a French accent as he is held at gunpoint by Eggy's goons who just happened to be there.
Batman then calls Tim with a regular remembered number.
Robin: "ZOWIE! You're a whiz Batman! You remembered someone's phone number! When's the last time you called him?"
Batman: "Yesterday."
Tim is being held at acid egg point by Eggy as he answers. "What do you want from me, Egghead? I am just a poor major league baseball-team-owner."
Bacon: "How 'bout season tickets? I love halfbacks."
Eggy: "How eggsasperating."

Back at Stately Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick look their best in tuxedos while Harriet forgets to wear a bra again. When Dick wonders why Screaming Chicken would work with Eggy, Bruce relates how the Chief was once a bottle-washer who faced racial discrimination. They then get into a limo driven by Eggy wearing an egg earpiece who gasses them.

At the lair Eggy tells his captives that he doesn't want them or the ceremony to go through...but also because of something else. (:49)
"Long ago my superior intellect deduced that Batman must be a person who was a millionaire and didn't have to work, because crimefighting is such an eggspensive hobby.... All of you are approximately the right age, in your early thirties, but I have eliminated you, Mr. Tyler, because you are left-handed. No, the Caped Crusader is not a portsider. And you, Mr. Savage, are out because of your accent. So aside from a couple of aging rock-and-roll singers, you, Mr. Wayne, are the only Gotham city millionaire who is athletically inclined with eggsessive agility. Therefore, you must be Batman!"
Weirdly despite this brilliant Hugo Strange level of thinking, he doesn't consider that his ward Dick Grayson may therefore be Robin. He probably discounted him and his bad memory or something.
He has Bruce in an "electro thought transferer" that he borrowed from his guest appearance on The Man from U.N.C.L.E.. It will separate the yolk of memory from the white of the brain to take for his own, wiping it clean after use. RD thinks the Riddler used the exact same idea for Batman Forever.

Narrator: "How diabolical! How inhuman! How eggscruciating! Will the world's greatest criminal mind eggstract the true identity of Batman? The eggsplanation to these and other electric questions tomorrow!" 

RD remembers how Batman eggscapes from this one and it would be something he would do in a similar situation. 

Vince finally noticed RD had his beard shaved (by Mrs. Deal) for charity. (:57)

RD GIFed John Tenta getting stuck between two rings.

On McMahon's "retirement" the two believe he is in the throes of extreme mental decline, which while painfully obvious for his case, is still a horrible state for anyone to be in. (:63) RD expects small gradual changes so as not to further disrupt the public's confidence and thus investment in the company.


  • Special Guest Villain: Egghead (Vincent Price)


  • Screen Captures: 1. RD
  • RD Time Outs: 
  • Eggs: Scrambled



Episode 50: Holy Baubles!: July 24, 2022

The Clock King Gets Crowned
"Aunt Harriet purchases a clock as a birthday present for Bruce Wayne, unaware that it is a plant by the Clock King. But when the villain learns that a control switch meant for his final caper has been errantly placed on the timepiece, he breaks into Wayne Manor to retrieve it, nabbing some valuable watches in the meantime. Batman and Robin shortly deduce his master plan and race to stop him."
43 minutes

RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? He shows off his Wonder Woman shawl and hat knitted (not crocheted!) by Mrs. Deal.

RD also doesn't like the Beach Boys, unlike Vince. He once wrote a Beach Boys song in five minutes. Sadly he does not get Mike Check to talk about it.

Sad News: Vince looked up that Mr. Slezak committed suicide in '83 due to overwhelming health problems from old age (in his 80s). (:07)

King of course leaves the trapped Duo before they suffocate. Robin suggests using their capes to plug the gap but Batman rudely shuts him down. Instead they tip it over "like a squirrel in a cage" and run it into a truck to break it off camera. 

Vince once encountered a 700 pound bull moose in his backyard that was following a crick. (:11)

Meanwhile Aunt Harriet is wearing a bra at Gordon's office. RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? Gordon's door is always open for a "lady as charming as her" which makes RD think it's he that Harriet is having a threesome with. She invites them and their wives to a party at Stately Wayne Manor. RD thinks she may be wanting a fivesome now. 

Then the Batphone rings confusing her. "What on earth is that?" Gordon is on the phone for two seconds just to be checked on. She is impressed by the Duo "with no offense to your police department."
Gordon: "No need to apologize, Mrs. Cooper. We are all forever in debt to the Dynamic Duo, so intrepid and yet so... incognito. "
Once she leaves Gordon tells O'Hara that Batman had actually escaped the King's trap. 

Meanwhile King is in his lair working on an "evil box that Batman and Robin will never know about because they are dead." (:17) He then turns on a camera of Harriet in extreme close-up of her bad teeth. 

Smash cut to Harriet; she has returned to the Manor with a clock as a birthday gift for Bruce before she goes to take a nap. 

Smash cut to a goon being concerned of a button placed on the clock. Instead of the gas for Alfred, it's the atomic energy directional control switch that should have been for the evil box. So now they have to go and correct this. King tells Millie to stay hidden. She will try "if I can remember all that."

Nothing of Millie really stood out to Vince so he gives her 6.5 Batpoles. RD gives her 8.5 and thought she was underutilized. Actor Eileen O'Neill only had a working career in the 60s before vanishing into obscurity. 

In the Batcave the Duo dust off the sand on themselves before it gets too coarse and gets everywhere and they have to take the high ground. Robin wishes he knew where the criminals were.

Smash cut to them sneaking into the living room and lightly poking Alfred into unconsciousness. 

Smash cut back and forth between the two places while the Narrator keeps saying "meanwhile". 

Harriet screams for help as she is kidnapped. Alfred wakes up and sets off the alarm in his belt for...Bruce and Dick to show up. I guess because Batman and Robin are still considered "dead"? King declares he wants to "lift some baubles from this handsome residence". They then throw Harriet at the two (now without a bra, perhaps it too was stolen?) to cover their escape. 

Back in the Batcave Batman does some soldering while they do some more analyzing. King mentioned a blacksmith while they were trapped, referencing one that may be in a clock.
Batman: "'Smithy' Smith was recently arrested for armed robbery. He's back pounding rocks."
Robin: "I can just see him now, old 'Smithy' Smith. He used to be a real swinger in the safe and lock circuit. Now he's swinging a hammer on a rock pile."

Thus they finally go to Gordon's office to ask for any arrivals at the heliport. Gordon has a "heel-o-copter from the nuclear laboratory of the Gotham Institute of Technology" of a caesium atomic clock worth $1 million. Then for some reason we finally get the Batmobile startup sequence that is usually reserved for earlier in a story.

King meanwhile is in the clock tower with his evil box. When it is hit at 5 o'clock it will shoot out gas across the city while they fly off in the helicopter. He does note that "every man wants a beautiful woman by his side at the climax of his career." The Co-Bros note his manners and politeness. Vince only now notices the Penguin's attraction to men. 

The Duo finally show up. (:32)
King: "No! It can't be true. You're dead. You have to be dead!"
Robin: "Maybe we're living on... borrowed time."
Batman: "But now, it's round-up time!"
Cue an actually good fight for once, including Batman having a goon be hit by the clock hammer with a giant "KLANG", and rotating around with the clock to beat up the rest. 

Thus the bell tolls for King and his schemes.

Back in Gordon's office, O'Hara congratulates the Duo: "I couldn't have done it better meself!" Batman almost rolls his eyes at him. Sadly they can't make it to Bruce's party but: "I find it only fitting that Clock King, who made times serve his crimes, must now serve time himself." Then they excuse themselves to go prepare for being surprised.

Thus the episode ends before its time.

Vince thought Ma Parker was better than Clock King. Thankfully his all time favorite Egghead is up next.

Oddly neither bring up that the story was written by Batman's co-creator Bill Finger. Nor do they mention that there is another earlier made Clock King (though not by Finger), original name William Tockman, who often fights Green Arrow.

RD promises some changes are coming to WC.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)


  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Heroes and villains
  • URLs not taken: 1. FivewaywithAuntHarriet.com