301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"


$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Christmas
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
  • URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)
  
  • Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
  • Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
  • RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
  • Blade Burps:  1
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  0
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Debut: Crapper's Court
    • Case brought by: Eli Iffert
    • Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
    • Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands
 
  • Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
    • What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
    • RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
    Worst ratings ever.
    Network wants adult content.
    Vince's ass comeback.

Episode 55: Chapter 17: The Podcast: December 22, 2020

 32 minutes

The Fruitcakes finally listen to me for once and decide to discuss The Mandalorian. I have in fact spoken!

Spoilers abound obviously. Don't say I didn't warn you!




Blade finally decided to listen to reason and watched the whole two seasons so he could catch up with RD, and surprised the two by rediscovering his dormant love of the franchise with it, last seen 15 years ago with Revenge of the Sith. 

While RD liked the show as a whole, he thought every episode was a "video game cut-scene" as Mando and Baby Yoda are sent here and there on fetch quests, which Blade agrees on. Even the inexplicably returned Boba Fett, who was separated from his armor somehow in a sarlacc, found the ability to fully clean and repair it once reunited to look like a cosplayer in the middle of their rescue operation. Blade also agrees. 

RD does like Carl Weathers appearing (and directing) in the show. Blade also agrees. He also likes Michael Biehn appearing in the show. Unfortunately neither likes Sasha Banks appearing in the show. Most wrestlers appearing outside the business do that to Blade though (with the exception of Dwayne Johnson and Dave Bautista since Drax). RD does not personally dislike her, but watching her mishandled in WWE has colored his watching.

RD was hooked ever since the pilot with Mando's bounty mentioning missing Life Day. Blade was hooked with an Ewok movie reference.

Anyway, the season finale with Video Game Luke Skywalker fighting through Iron Man Dark Troopers seemed cartoonish to RD, although he did like it overall. Blade wonders when stormtroopers will finally shoot straight, but he too liked Luke's appearance and his taking over of Baby Yoda, and the post-credits return to Tatooine. RD laughs as his Eastern European prospector accent.

Blade is adamant the sequel trilogy will be Force Retconned by Ahsoka Tano. One has to wait and see.

300 The Cameotaker: November 29, 2020

Coming soon to NBC: "Young Rock".
This is the Dwayne.
97 minutes

Blade plays to the ever present crickets on a metaphorical bean bag. RD is unsure whether people saying the show hasn't changed in 10 years is a good thing or not.

Blade reminds RD that Lord Alfred's daughter once contacted him on MySpace many vernal equinoxes ago. (:05) 

The Fruitcakes spend too much time on that poor guy who gets off on Blade's burping. (:09) Blade confused one of his dates by going off to fight a toilet paper mummy. "I want to be as professional as I can." (:13)

RD was sent an odorous UnderTrolla for Thanksmas. (:15) "Turning" it on plays a car turning sound effect followed by a Undertaker Cameo (A bargain at half the price for the low low cost of only $1000! Just ask Bryan Alvarez's Granny). As expected Blade laughs over it.

:19 No global pandemic is getting in the way of RD doing his Black Friday shopping on behalf of the site (and his wife who remained at home). While on the road he saw someone had run their car into a CVS. At Target he saw a woman wearing a hoodie instead of pants buying pants for her son. But at least she was wearing a mask. At Wal-Mart to buy some shirts for charity donation, a redneck "older woman" required help to find some "hey ma, look at this" underwear for her son. And at the Chick-fil-A drive-through for a chicken biscuit, two guys fought over chicken nuggets.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:35) Blade loudly lies down coughing in response.

Billy Graham has some words congratulating Kurt Angle's (moveset) return to steroids. (:40) Sadly "Stan" is too busy for Blade to pick up the voice modifier to portray him once more so he is forced to read it normally.

Among the balloons at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was a promotional CGI one of 90's Meme "Young" Rock. (:48) Blade wants a "Baby" Rock carried around by "Dwayne Johnson" Rock or "Father" Rock(y) Johnson. RD summons Popeye to disrupt him. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:53)

A Halloween Havoc '99 balloon was selling for $2500. Someone once told Blade WCW's last logo looked like "bird poop".

Trish Stratus will cameo as a "professional" lumberjack in a Hallmark Christmas movie. One wonders what she will be wearing. (:57)

Outback Jack is to do an autograph signing. That's the joke. (:60) 

He's also been doing podcasts. That's also the joke.

Candace Michelle received random "Japanese porn" scored by Titanic music. (:62) RD resummons Popeye for some reason. ああギュグギュクギュグギュク。

The Bushwhackers are autograph touring next year. That's also also the joke. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:65)

Tam has spent 300 days in jail. 

RD: "How is that news?"

Tony Christ of Facebook: "Why did it take so long?" RD: "There's your answer. Done." (:68)

Blade laughs himself into coughing.

The Fruitcakes have some more favorite moments. RD has Blade coughing himself into Burgess Meredith, Mike Check doing the Star Wars Convention market, and putting the Co-Hosss Contest out of its misery. Blade has The Bob & Weave Morning Drive, beating your meat in front of Victoria and Gillman, and Co-Hosssing as Sir Alec

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:82) He thinks this one was for Ken Patera, who's also autograph signing. Does he sign boulders?

RD admits the Trolla Corporation may not in fact be delivering top quality products. You don't say.

Blade has yet to watch The Mandalorian, one episode guest starring Sasha Banks as another Mandalorian. He prefers to be in Vince's demographic and talk about his mask in Clerks 2 with Rosario Dawson guest starring in another episode. RD: "Did you throw your back out trying to make that connection?"

Some AEW folks will do a table read of A Christmas Story as part of annual TBS tradition, with Jim Ross narrating. He calls in to complain, sounding more hoarse than usual due to Blade's coughing fits. (:90) Then Blade laughs too much, giving RD an opportunity to quickly end things before Jim can tell him to go fuck himself.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:93)

Seventeen Syllables right here on the fly sure to be good:
The Undertaker.
You know what will rest in peace?
Some moron's wallet.

RD: "I thought you were gonna say "One thousand dollars.""
Blade: "Well, if I had more time to prepare."

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Thanksgiving/Black Friday
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Sleazy, things referencing things referencing other things.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Popeye, Popeye (2), Jim
 
  • Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
  • Blade Time Outs:  10 (4 rapid fire)
  • RD Time Outs:  1
  • Blade Burps:  2
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  0
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  0
 
  • Question of the Week from: Tony Christ
    • WrestleCrap Radio 300.  What took so long? There's your answer. Done.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Moments in WCR history?
    • RD:  Penguin Episode, Mike Check goes to the Star Wars convention, the 2007 WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  April Fools Day WTKO Bob N’ Weave Morning Drive May 1977, Victoria’s launch party for her car company, RD lost his marbles over Gilliam, the draft where Sir Alec was co-host (non-sequentially, first time)
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Undertaker cashing in fools’ money:
    The Undertaker.
    You know what will rest in peace?
    Some moron's wallet.

 

Episode 54: The 1990 Gooker Award Winner: November 29, 2020

24 minutes

Rather than talk more about the Undertaker, RD listens to Blade (for once) and talks about the Gobbledly Gooker instead who first hatched from Vince's mind 30 years ago. 

Blade fondly remembers the egg competing with his Black Scorpion. RD always found the egg ludicrous, even if Ric Flair had hatched from it. Blade thinks he should have done so with an alligator gimmick. (Besides, wasn't that Scott Hall?) But it was Hector Guerrero instead, and Blade wished he went feral and attacked Mean Gene with a crossface chicken wing. (:09) Blade kept the original bootleg recording which kept in the booing while commentating Piper and Gorilla Monsoon tried to salvage things.

RD admires their attempt to badly make a mascot ala the San Diego Chicken. (:13) Blade compares him poorly to WCW's Wildcat Willie. RD uses TNA's Stomper. They wonder when AEW will get one. At least he's not the Indianapolis Colts' Blue who charges $200 for home appearances and fumbles harder than [insert quarterback here].

The Gooker was refrigerated for 11 years before his outfit was redesigned. Maryse once portrayed him and cracked an eyeball. (:18) RD had his wife to fix it when they were loaned it (and Jordan was forced to wear it alongside RD, poor guy).

Blade still wonders where the kaiju-sized mother Gooker would be. (:21) As expected he missed his chance to make a movie with the outfit, most likely involving Don Mason in some capacity or other.

299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!
85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"


$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)


Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.
 
  • Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.
  

  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
    • Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
    • RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
    • Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
    It's the Halloween show.
    That was some bad tasting jerky.
    Go fu**ck yourself RD!

Episode 53: Halloween HavoCrap II: October 31, 2020

47 minutes

Having fully recovered from eating angry jerky and wanting to go fu**ck themselves and each other within 30 seconds, and thus free to continue from earlier in the month, the Fruitcakes discuss more on (old) Halloween Havocs. 

 RD: "You're happy that I'm unhappy. What a nice guy."

Blade shames RD for forgetting recordings from several weeks ago.

  • Blade remembers Ric Flair's first last retirement match against Hulk Hogan in '94 despite not watching. The Honky Tonk Man had a ten minute match. RD plays Paul Orndorff's old synthesizer theme.
  • Blade remembers '95's bad sumo monster truck wrestling on top of Cobo Hall and the Giant regenerating after taking a splash instead of the other matches of wavering quality and a horny Yeti. His random wondering about initials makes Huey laugh.
  • Miss Elizabeth was in a "neutral corner" for Hogan vs. Savage '96, confusing Blade as to timelines. Steve Michael wrestled 10 minutes too long.
  • '97 saw the interminable Piper-Hogan feud continue a year too late with an awful non-title match. RD: "He was kinda stupid in WCW." Blade tries to 'rant' about bad booking without swearing. He fails.
  • RD tries testing Blade's theme knowledge but his system won't play along at first. Thankfully the power of Alex Wright hip thrusting pierces through (but not his match with McMichael which was not a hell of a wictory).
  • Hogan and Warrior in '98 was bad enough. That it was not the main event was worse. That it pushed the actual main event off the PPV timings was the worst. Blade complains about Star Wars again.
  • Flair had to suffer against Scott Steiner in a match so memorable neither can remember it (or much else about that show).
  • '99 was another 'memorable' event. "Sadly" Berlyn was on the show and "sadly" he lost.
  • 2000 was a complete tossup due to "Above Average" Mike Sanders. John Tenta once connected RD to Mike Awesome over the phone. Goldberg won the four minute main event against Kronik. Alex Wright managed to make space to dance regardless (he won his tag match with dance partner Disco Inferno). RD wants him on Cameo and/or their radio progrem.

RD gives Blade a B for his memory, which is more than what would Bryan would get. No word on Dave's memory though.

298 Technical Havoc: October 8, 2020

86 minutes

It's hard to get a word in with these clowns!
 

Technical difficulties have caused Blade to laughing into coughing. That makes one of us. (Laughing, not coughing.)

 

This continues for 18 minutes.

 

Blade is paranoid for some reason.
RD: "I sincerely doubt that your 'jokes' are the problem."
Blade: "It's a problem."


...


Also yes, RD, you and I are correct. (:16)


...


However, this doesn't apply to their other show where things actually work properly (most of the time anyway). So things are a wash.

 

(That sounds like a damning with faint praise endorsement to support them to listen to that, come to think of it.)


But at least it's fun to hear Blade lose his mind (and his breath).

 

Anyway, RD is doing Halloween things early in a time period where such temporal concepts are all timey-wimey by trying some Halloween Crunch with a Ghost Captain (an Ancient Mariner)? The back of the box has a word to unscramble which RD has Blade attempt over the phone. As expected, Blade needs the letters repeated. As unexpected, he guesses correctly. The orange ghosts taste like creamsicles. RD doesn't have milk to test if they turn it into green so Blade has him try it in 0% fat water poured all over his desk instead. 

Spoiler: nothing happens.

Blade also correctly remembers who all five Killer Bees are. They have a Kickstarter for a comic book which has already achieved its minimum goal of $3,000, despite it being 35 years too late and their illustrations looking nothing like them. However, Ken "Swinging Full Nelson" Patera will also be in it. (:27) Someone should send a copy to the Iron Sheik to see if he can break its back and make it humble old country way (you can probably guess how to do so with a comic book).

Speaking of crowdfunding, April Hunter needs to replace her implants due to a freak accident with her dog through her own Gofundme. Currently it is at 60% of the required $9,000. (:37) Blade lies that he will help folks who may get in trouble by donating. (She's also on Patreon if you prefer to help her there.)

Marty Janetty has confessed to crowdfunding murder. Again. (:43) RD advises the Listeners to not social media while intoxicated; otherwise you might end up Co-Hosssing a radio progrem with him.

WWE has made a special on The Best of Mickie James after mocking her for being old. (:46) The Fruitcakes don't think it will include her appearance on Jenny Jones or her time in TNA with a train.

After having crowed about being in the top 1%, current jailbird Tam's OnlyFans page is now inactive. (:51)

RD: "How is that news?"

His actual phone rings in an attempt to get him to escape further talk on the subject. So too Blade's dog (he also has a duck).

As expected, Blade failed to do his one job of finding a Question of the Week Past Month since he was distracted by his attempt to get him some online. (The worse thing about this being alleged is that he failed at said alleged thing. The worst thing about this was that it was expected.) (:55) All he has is an ad from Kraft for their Macaroni and Cheese (or what's known up north as a Kraft Dinner). He lies again that he will send the box to the first person who emails him on this. RD agrees with me on calling him out in advance of not doing this. Blade tries to shift responsibility.

Speaking of doing his one job, he also has to improvise this week's other debate question: who else would they like to see in comic book form? (:59) RD wants the Apter Mag newsroom (wasn't that a Howard Hawks movie?), Missy Hyatt (I'd buy that for a dollar if she wrote it), and Jack Tunney: Agent of FURTHERMORE, with an unequivocal monologue in every issue. Blade wants the Iron Sheik fighting the aforementioned Killer Bees, Mickie James, and the Black Scorpion. RD (for real) would send someone his own Kraft box to whoever can spell out best what FURTHERMORE would stand for.

WWE is bringing back Halloween Havoc for NXT. (:74) Blade hallucinates someone dressing up as a "slutty ghost" and thinks AEW should have a competing Hanukkah Havoc.

Blade: "I've been pretty unprofessional at times."

Seventeen Syllables to add:
Halloween Havoc.
NXT's bringing it back.
I'm scared. Literally.


$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Coasty Marshmellow, wrestlecrapradio.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Bad things in tag teams, this show, train wrecks, tired.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Blade’s Poor Performance Excuse: Lack of sleep.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 0.
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  11
  • RD Time Outs:  0
  • Krankor Laughs:  1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
  • Weird Al Laughs:  1
  • Cricket Chirps:  3
  • RD’s False Finishes:  1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1 
 
  • Question of the Week from: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
    • Do you have that special someone that would like a free box of Kraft macaroni and cheese? Blade: Yes.
 
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What three wrestlers would you like to see in a comic book?
    • RD:  Apter Mag characters, Missy Hyatt, Jack Tunney (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Black Scorpion, Mickie James, Iron Sheik
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade is frightened of cash grab nostalgia:
    Halloween Havoc.
    NXT's bringing it back.
    I'm scared. Literally.

Episode 52: Halloween HavoCrap: October 8, 2020

44 minutes

Sad News: Halloween Crunch makes water yellow instead of green.

Blade: "I can guarantee it will make your pee turn yellow."

This brings up arguing over what color urine should be. Blade wants it clear, much to RD's confused research.

The two try to escape things then by trying to remember early Halloween Havocs. (:07)

  • Blade remembers a commercial for the first in '89 with Big Bully Busick helping build the (original) Thunderdome while AC/DC played. RD doesn't remember that. Blade: "You shouldn't."
  • Blade remembers a very specific period of WCW between '89 and '90. RD does his Jim Ross impression. Blade forgets people, but he does remember the Feet of Doom.
  • RD of course remembers Barry Windham as Fake Sting in PPV Scramblevision. Blade remembers watching him in proto-240p 70s fidelity, then taking the videos to distract his colleagues in metal class.
  • RD also remembers the Chamber of Horrors without Bruno Sammartino. Lex Luger did have an underrated feud with Stan Hansen however.
  • Blade of course remembers the Black Scorpion. Sadly he did not team up with the Halloween Phantom. Blade remembers when the latter took off his mask. 
  • RD remembers Oz losing to Bill Kazmaier, sadly not among random tombstones. He also remembers Tony Schiavone as a pedophile vampire.
  • Blade remembers Jake "The Snake" Roberts spinning a wheel to make a deal with Cheatum. Ron Simmons had to fight the Barbarian of all people. Blade: "I enjoyed the Barbarian."
Blade can't remember much else since he was watching boxing instead during this time. RD threatens to do some more remembering for their Halloween recording to make up for the lack of a September taping.

297 Mad Ex: FuRD Road: August 30, 2020

15 Years of WCR: 12 Listeners Enter, 12 Listeners Leave
100 minutes

Blade feels old. RD: "You're telling me." SPEAKING OF Verne Gagne masturbating before killing somebody...  

This radio progrem was so big it was delayed due to technical difficulties and made Blade tired, then hungover, then drunk.

RD shills his WCW Halloween Havoc coasters. (:11).

RD is not sure if it requires less energy to listen to the progrem, or to read its summary here. "They're very tortured, I can give you that." He vows to have Co-Librarians on the show...somehow.

RD: "Everyone's more talented than I am."
Blade: "You have no idea how talented we are."
RD: "I didn't say 'we', I said 'me'. That's the difference." (:16)

RD has Kroger's Private Selection General Tso's Chicken in chip form. Unsurprisingly, they taste awful. Blade wants to target the food product market demographic.

Blade had tried enticing people on Facebook with random sexual innuendo to (have RD) call one chosen out of a hat. RD mocks him correctly on his not getting a single response, causing Blade to laugh uncontrollably. (:23) As you might expect, RD's attempt...disconnects Blade. How is this a bad thing? Blade filibusters by reading something by "Rose" who remembers Blade's ex-girlfriend who didn't know who was Becky. (:27) This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her.

Ricky Morton pleads with people on Twitter not to send him pizzas. (:30) Blade wouldn't mind paying for unexpected pizzas, expectantly missing the whole point. This prompts RD to give Jim a call. Sadly he doesn't order a pizza for him. (:35) RD insults Blade through Jim for misremembering things (but remembering he drove a braking down turkey van among his many business ventures).

Mickie James is on Raw again. (:40) RD still remembers her feud with Trish Stratus. Blade filibusters by reading something by "Christensen" who remembers Blade's ex-girlfriend who didn't like Trish. This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her. 

Tammy Sytch is in jail again. (:44) RD does his Nathaniel impression. He hopes that this is the last that will be heard of her for a good long while. For now.

RD: "We don't do scripts...obviously." (:51) 

He is shocked that for today's Question, "Blade has this". Dan on Twitter remembers RD's shaved back. RD corrects that it wasn't during his bachelor party. Blade does his Stubby impression to repeat one of his lines from their Roast of many moons ago. (:56)

Sad News: Blade will be moving out of Don's basement. Bitey has no comment. (:61)

RD disregards Blade's Question for another. (:64) Steve Mcclernon in Glasgow also listened to the whole canon, poor man. He remembers Marcho Madness, old RD&BS tapings, Mike Check still not properly doing the TNA market, Unsolved Mysteries remaining unsolved, Blade hearing actual TNA news from Corey Udler's impressions while visiting him at Chicago, Fun with Tammy, Paige replacing jailbird Tammy, and being baffled by their references and sports.

RD also checked the F4W Board, where someone noted that sped up Blade laughing sounds like Jim Neidhart. (:70) Blade remembers wearing shoe polish to look like Darryl Hall in third grade. If RD had his hair back he would leave it wet ala Bret Hart. Blade may not look like Brian Pillman in his youth or his AEW son, but he shares his madness. RD continues to make baffling references.

As for their favorite guests, (:75) Blade has Rebel eating cereal, 2011 Halloween Piper, the Zombie, and Kari Wuhrer. RD has run-in Piper, John Tenta, and his mother. Blade filibusters by remembering his ex-girlfriend who was tired of hearing about Eric Bischoff. This leads into RD successfully calling the other end to "prank call" her. 

RD fails to find Ken Patera on Cameo. (:91) The Fruitcakes are still unimpressed by WWE. Someone asked Blade why he hasn't done his Ratings Reaper impression in a while. He's too distracted by whoever is left in the company throwing all their shit at the wall to impress Vince, like Shane McMahon's Fight Club rip-off. RD compares them both to the Apter Mag's complaining Old Man. He then repeats his Nathaniel impression. "We're like every other podcast now."

Blade sings about not wanting to go beyond Thunderdome.


$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right


Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • 15th Anniversary
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, coastymarshmellow.com (new), wrestlecrapradio.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 6. Wrong turns, prank phone calls, special, Stratus vs James Wrestlemania match, Rebel and Dynamite, getting people on the show.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 6. Blade's Ex Girlfriend, Jim, Blade's Ex Girlfriend (2), Stubby, Bitey, Blade's Ex Girlfriend (3)
 
  • F-Bombs:  3. Jim, Jim (2), Blade's Ex Girlfriend 
 
  • Mama’s Damn, Damn, Damn Broken Dishes:  2
  • Blade Time Outs:  10
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Weird Al Laughs:  1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  2
 
  • Question of the Week from: Dan
    • Just had a flashback WrestleCrap Radio flashback while on vacation.  There’s some dudes with hairy backs on the beach and it reminded me of RD’s bachelor party where the DJ said "somebody shave that guy's back". Thanks for the laughs.  That was not my bachelor party.
 
  • Question of the Week from: Unknown
    • Hey RD and Blade, in Scotland we went into lockdown in March and I’ve been working from home ever since. To pass the time, I made the decision to go back and listen to every WrestleCrap Radio from the beginning, which I finished this morning. Should I be worried about my decision making skills? Yes.
 
  • Favorite Memories: Marcho Madness, RD and Blade hybrid shows, TNA News 14 years in took five people, Fun with Tammy Episode, Turn the Page.
 
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  All-Time WrestleCrap Radio Guests
    • RD:  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, John Tenta, Momma Deal (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Kari Wuhrer, ECW Zombie, Rebel
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: No haiku this week, but a song instead. 
(to the tune of “We Don't Need Another Hero” by Tina Turner)

Outside of the ring
Digital wreckage
Vince made a mistake this time

We were once mark fans
The New Generation (The New Generation)
The ones that watched in ‘95

And I wonder if Raw is ever gonna change
Boring year after year
Wrestling’s not the same

We don’t need to see Benoit
We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes
All we want is Robbie-Young Thunderdome

All the mark fans say
We don’t need to see Benoit (We don’t need to see Benoit)
We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes (We don’t need to see the clan Rhodes)
All we want is Robbie-Young Thunderdome

Episode 51: Talking with the Listerine: August 30, 2020

48 minutes

Blade hasn't talked to RD in 30 seconds. "That sounded bad." RD can't decide which recording is worse. 

Blade had tried enticing patrons with random sexual innuendo to (have RD) call, since they're supporting and all.

For real this time.

Shockingly the first person (Jason "Jared" Rodicker) has their phone ringing. (:04) He video chats with RD while babysitting his children on a swing. As expected the children are the only ones happy. As one of the Original 12, Jared witnessed Todd Bridges "wrestling". He still remembers being part of Mike Check's target demographic while on his Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular. He also remembers Ghetto He-Man, "undead" Stubby, and Blade trashbagging. Jared once saw cardboard boxing. Sadly those two are less common now that porta-potties are mandated.

After him they attempt to call (Not-Diamond) Dan (AKA Danny Franchise) who is driving. (:14) So they call Taylor of British Colombia. (:16) He was drinking green Listerine; RD uses purple. Another Original 12 Listener since 14 years old, he thanks Blade for wasting his time yet also for being a gentleman. He remembers Bedding Man and their interviews, especially John Tenta. Blade was very hung over when they were with Lance Storm. RD remembers when he was on Get In The Ring Radio with Rambling Cowboy Bill Watts.

Dan is no longer (dangerous) driving due to his essential working. (:28) He considers listening to the radio progrem as a full time job (and perhaps also more dangerous). He also drinks green Listerine. He remembers when Blade remembered when Don and his grandpa stumbled upon a guy fucking a horse. Shockingly like Blade he's also single. He does enjoy king crabs like RD however. Long John Silvers is too 'pedestrian' for him, though he has yet to write that in a Yelp! review. Blade misremembers quotes about sand. He also remembers being in the Co-Hoss Contest, and losing since he wasn't a woman or could count properly. Blade: "You are also essential to us."

RD tries one more number while jinxing things by admitting it's been fun so far. (:37) Logan (AKA Not-Ultimate Kennedy13) is also an Original 12 Listener since 14 years old and drinks green Listerine. However he does use turn signals. He remembered when Blade went to a Raw and offended a 13 year old. Blade: "Fuck that kid." Logan agrees with him (for once). Blade remembers his wacky antics there forcing a camera change. Logan aims to send him a Mickie James GIF from that show afterwards. He also remembers that Halloween with Piper and RD singing about Candy. Then he goes back to making signs to offend more teens.

Also for once, RD wants to do another some time soon (within the next 15 years).

The WrestleCrap Radio Roast: May 29, 2010

[Here's (another) something that's been in my bucket (list) for a while.

This is from that same time period, when people thought DVDs would still be around for a while longer, as would 'wacky' stuff such as this. Unlike the Interview though this is of a slightly larger scale and with less cereal involved. And which was also summarized on paper...somewhere. Well the progrem is 15 years running and not getting any better, so.

Like that earlier thing, access purchase can be gained through Patreon support and/or single donation of $15 US. But again: don't say I didn't warn you.

Also my gratitude yet again yet again to RD for his GIFing prowess, if you are wondering why the page may take an hour to load.

- PB, August 14, 2020]



66 minutes

Filmed in a conference room in a La Quinta Inn & Suites in Beech Grove, Indiana

((( recorded in handheld camera fidelity )))



Ignore the Coliseum Video crawl at the beginning. [No swinging full nelson Ken Patera here either.]






It's Been a Decade Down the Drain...

...Time to Celebrate with...

A WrestleCrap Radio Roast!

Let's Join Our MC, Trash Losagain!




Trash has to say his piece to 12 8 people who listen to a weekly radio progrem (assuming they can pay attention for it and don't fall asleep because of it). WrestleCrap was founded to make people laugh, and according to the law of averages it should have done so at least once. Thus to commemorate this achievement, we are to supposedly 'congratulate' the two who made that possible.

Trash: "Direct from Amtrak 378 out of Topeka, Kansas, everyone's favorite hobo, Mr. Blade Braxton! And from the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater, the one and only, RD Reynolds!"

Cut to a random shot of the two just sitting there. Get used to it; this consists of the majority of their "shots".


They will be further honored by those from the "new legendary program" (of five years running already) WrestleCrap Radio, which grew on Trash "like a tumor." Cut to a random shot of the two pretending to clap. I guess RD forgot to edit in crickets here.

Trash then leads into RD noting that Curtis Iaukea is no longer with us. Cue the expectant call and response from the attendants. You know the one. I guess RD forgot to edit in a laugh track here also.

Today we have: (:03)


  • Gay Popeye with pipe and can of spinach


  •  Stubby, yet again with someone's hand up his ass

  •  Angry Jim Ross, already sitting to the left. He shakes his head sadly 


  • "Weird Al" Yankovic Dixie Carter with fan and action figure playset 


  • Midnight Rose, seen here with totally real handgun and lovely companion Elvira Lily  


  • Albert Einstein Sir Alec Heineken eating a never ending supply of chips on a newspaper without any wrestling stories. As expected he looks nothing like Blade's supplied profile picture 


  • Mike Check, back from the "dead". It's almost as if he's faking it or something 


  • Blade pretending to be Don Mason, with his mask and skull but no corn oil 


  • BM Punk, sadly not sitting on a toilet seat. He instead wears a shirt telling people that he is in fact BM Punk. Accept no substitutes!


  • Stewart Patrick, seen here in still frame with prophetic floating word (No Pontiac?) 


  • Nintendo John, already sitting to Jim's left and focused intently on his Game Boy (by Nintendo)



 ***




Trash (:04): "Now allow me to innerduce the most flamboyant sailor on the seven seas: Gay Popeye! He learned to sail in the navy, and as you'd expect he achieved the rank of Rear Admiral. Gay Popeye, come on up here, but not on me."

The man comes from underneath the table besides Jim (who does he think he is, a submariner?). The pipe makes RD look more like Burgess Meredith as the Penguin though.


He knows Dixie from shore leave and Bluto's encounter with her. [Does that make him bisexual?] Dixie is too busy playing with her figures in a totally disconnected shot. "Suffice it to say, she's no stranger to seamen." Cue another totally disconnected shot of flustered Dixie: "Oh my!"

He can relate to Stubby since sometimes Pluto puts his hand up him to make him talk funny too. He thinks Alec cheated on Ellie with Dixie. Cue another totally disconnected shot of flustered Dixie: "Oh my!"

He wants to check out (off-screen for some reason) Stewart's Captain's Log. He thinks the Rose should have a ball gag in his mask. And he saw Jim in the shower the other day but even he doesn't want to have sex with him.

RD is a sight for his sore eye. "You've lost some weight I see. But that's okay. I see Blade found it!" Cue shot of RD "mocking" Blade. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.





Trash (:08): "Here's the man that's so irritable, he gives bowel movements a good name: Angry Jim!"

Jim comes in from the right of the podium despite his earlier sitting on the left. That's not the weirdest thing. He's also wearing his own face as a mask; less to copy Jim's palsy face and more that according to Blade that's the only way he can appear on video. That's not the weirdest thing either.

No, the weirdest thing is that he's overdubbed by Blade as Jim on the phone like on the radio progrem. Perhaps that mask is more of a muffler than expected. Who'd a thought?


Anyway, he mocks Trash while his - I mean Blade's - voice becomes more Black like the 'first' time he appeared. Trash shakes his head slowly. The Gobbledy Gooker's costume was supposed to be here, but it was a no-show due to this thing being a 'stupid idea'. Popeye, once the "number 2 gay guy behind Peter Gazer", still wishes he were in that position. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

BM Punk is a man of many colors, all of them bodily fluids. The Rose is more of a fraud than fake Razor Ramon. Stubby is apparently a better idea than Fantasy Booking Island. Cue shot of Blade "laughing" at RD.


Mike wants to gawk at underage school girls and seduce them with tunes as old as their grandparents. [He prefers more older and legal fare.] 
 

Hollywood John also came with him, but he's not of a regular character enough to get his own chair at the front table in this conference room. He adjusts his wig while sitting in sandals and a blue feather boa. He badly drove him to "this colossal waste of my fucking time". Cue shot of RD fake laughing.

 
As for the "goddamn sons of bitches", Blade wrestles in obscure movies slightly above Mike (cue shot of RD "mocking" Blade) and has issues with firing too quickly. RD is somehow popular in the industry despite wearing a fur coat in front of 20 people like "a common street whore". Cue "Don" gyrating.

Jim: "Have a nice day, go fuck yourself!"


Trash (:15): "Time to meet the woman who's no 40-year-old virgin; she's way older than that, and much more of a whore: Dixie!"


You haven't lived until you've seen the sight of a 40 year old (non-virgin) 6 foot tall man in a dress and wig, carrying a fan to the podium with action figures already on it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, obviously. Besides, he seems to be having fun. That makes one of us.)

Popeye is to have a deal to obtain a brown Ford Probe. Cue shot of Popeye Penguin laughing, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. Nintendo John getting a Rad Racer finally prompts RD editing in crickets a grasshopper [named Michael].


Strangely Mike being a bad TNA reporter does not get any sort of response, despite his average audience being bigger than hers ever was.

Blade's singleness is making him sad despite that gift poster of hers. He can join Jim in pulling pork down in his basement. She disparages RD's decision making in having Blade for a Co-Hosss. "Seriously, I very much love your show. And I say that as the producer of Impact, so consider the source."


Trash (:18): "Up next we have the Midnight Rose, the baddest Cuban from the baddest part of Miami. I hear it's so rough there, when Roddy Piper showed up, he said "maybe my neighborhood ain't that bad." Get up here, Midnight Rose!"


You haven't haven't lived until you've seen the sight of a 35 year old 6 foot tall man in a flower mask, accompanied by a lady in heels taller than he is. (Not that there's anything wrong with that also, obviously. Besides, he seems to be having fun if his mask allows for such emotion.)

He does the polite thing and puts over Lily. Not unlike Dixie over there accompanied by her action figures. Cue another totally disconnected shot of flustered Dixie: "Oh my!" Cue shot of RD fake laughing.

"Mr. Barbecue Man" to the left looking like a hillbilly is even worse.

Rose: "What the fuck do you think this is, a fucking Little River Band concert, mang?...Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not fucking your wife, mang. They are! You aren't! Even I have fucked your wife in the last six months, mang!"

Lily: "Even I have fucked your wife, Jim."


Neither of the two have any idea who Hollywood John is as he sits in another disconnected shot. He does know who Mike is though, as the oldest man in Indianapolis. Cut to another totally disconnected shot of Mike shaking his head.

Sadly Bryan Alvarez is not here, a shame since RD keeps kissing his ass all the time.


Blade has no time to kiss anyone's ass since he's a broke alcoholic druggie who can't wrestle or cut a good speech. Cue shot of RD "mocking" Blade. Cue shot of Popeye Penguin laughing (ah gyuk gyuk gyuk). RD is even worse, like when he stole someone's hat. Cue shot of Blade "laughing" at RD. Cue Dave Meltzer reference for completion's sake.




Trash (:24): "Here's the TNA correspondent that builds excitement. Unfortunately for us he doesn't build ratings or anything else positive: Stewart Patrick!" 


It's pretty nice to see RD reference that horrible movie nobody saw about Picard's Reman clone. [Now, if you had told me that within the following decade his actor would redeem his career with actual, superbly done roles including Mad Max, Bane, and Al Capone, and get an Academy Award nomination among other things, I'd give you more laughs than I would this recording (which was none). Heck, if I told you in return that that movie also featured Ron Perlman in full makeup you'd probably be wondering how the Trek universe could handle a Hellboy appearance.]

Strangely he doesn't have any Pontiac marketing to shill. (It's not as if his "boss" is also present, even if preoccupied with her action figures.) So instead he decides to crack jokes. Needless to say since he didn't take that particular course in Starfleet Academy, they are all pretty bad. [That also explains the series' bad handling of comedy as a whole come to think of it.]

The disrespected Rose ultimately "dispatches" him by lightly tapping his gun to his head, causing a dramatic pratfall onto the specially prepared ringside area (you can tell by Stubby having been removed beforehand).

Rose: "He's leaving now."

[When you unintentionally mimic shifting power in better (and older) media]


"I'm tired of being Black!"


Trash (:26): "The greatest wrestler since the heyday of Kin Corn Karn is up next: Nintendo John! Recently we had our listeners rate his performance. Some rated him from an A to an F. Others rated him by numbers. But in the end it didn't matter because Nintendo John got an F-Zero."


John only gets one line (of code). Like an 8-bit MIDI track, it sounds very minimalist. RD doesn't even edit in his audience (on the Nintendo).

Also nice covering of the facial hair there Blade.


Trash (:27): (Thunder)


The Reaper too only gets one line. For that Blade overdubs him on his phone. [At least take Dixie's figures away from her or something.]


Trash (:28): "Time for everyone to finally meet the man who bought so much corn oil, he should have bought stock in Wesson: Mr. Don...Don Mason!"

Cue random white guy dancing while the camera suffers a ghosting effect.


Needless to say based on all the random shit he's allegedly done over the years (and the fact that it's not actually him), he cannot bring himself to say anything bad about anyone else. So he leaves via ghosted dance.

"Did I ever tell you about the time when..."


Trash (:29): "He's the man who knows so much about dumps, that he has Duke Droese on his speed-dial: BM Punk!"

BM shows off his readily loaded diaper as he walks to the podium in a shot so well edited it's repeated. Jim has to sell things by holding his mask's nose. John is of course unaffected.

Even worse? He doesn't have his words written down on toilet paper. (2-ply of course.) [I know I harp on Blade's general lack of intelligence/wit/competence, but this was literally low hanging fruit that could be wiped off a posterior after doing your business. Such a shame.]


The 'fish smell' bothering even him came from Dixie, no doubt from her earlier tryst with Bluto and/or Alec. Cue another totally disconnected shot of flustered Dixie: "Oh my!" The Rose's obviously feminine floral mask does not compare to his. Cue random shot of Rose and Lily looking annoyed at the camera. And Mike missed his chance to appear in Star Wars as Grand Maul (covering the Mos Eisley market). Cue random shot of Reaper sitting by himself as BM disputes his power. Cue shot of Popeye Penguin laughing.

For some reason, after doubting Blade's awareness on thinking that a piece of ham looked like an alien, he thanks everyone for coming and then notes that there will be an "intermission" before Mike's turn. As expected neither of these immediately follow this. Forget RD, did Tommy Wiseau edit this? ["Oh hai wrestling Mark, how's your sex life?"] 

Then it's back to shouting at RD. Cue random shot of the two sitting and looking 'concerned'. Punk thinks all the hair on his head went to his Attitude Era goatee. Cue shot of Blade "laughing" at RD.

That's all he's got. Perhaps he needs to hit the bathroom already or something.


Trash (:33): "It's our little wooden friend Stubby! Like Pinocchio, when he tells a lie, something grows. Unfortunately, it's not his nose. Stubby, you little ragamuffin, get up here!"


Well at least now we know if a six foot man can crouch under a podium.

He also brought his laugh track with him. He uses it to insult himself Blade for using his Katie Vick outfit to have fun in. Cue shot of RD "mocking" Blade. Strangely his further mocking of "Mickie James' biggest fan" gets the most chuckles out of those in attendance without any actual joke having to be made. This cues an extended shot of RD "mocking" Blade enough for Blade to randomly smack him.


As for RD he has body hair. Apparently this is a thing. Cue shot of Blade "laughing" at RD (No RD hitting back in response?).

 
Trash (:36): "Here's the man whose stories combine wrestling, adventure, and romance. In fact, the only thing not in his stories is entertainment. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Alec Heineken!"


Alec waits for his mark and his music to come up to the podium. He remarks on Trash having a big penis. Cue shot of RD fake laughing. Also his nemesis Mike is old. Apparently this is news. Cut to another totally disconnected shot of Mike shaking his head. Cue another totally disconnected shot of flustered Dixie: "Oh my!"

Alec's other music plays as he wonders how RD can be considered a "good" writer. He disputes this by reading his original induction of Charlie Minn, all four paragraphs of it.

((( recorded in iMac fidelity )))

Yes, four paragraphs.

Cut to some of the attendees sitting bored while RD randomly takes some food off their table as Alec's audience applauds. Cue shot of Blade "laughing" at RD.

Alec: "Ciao."

Cut to some of the attendees sitting bored while RD randomly takes some food off their table as Alec's audience applauds. Yes, the exact same shot repeated. ["Yeh teahring me aphart, Dixie!"]


Trash (:42): (Radio static)

After sauntering to the podium, Mike asks the greenhorn cameraman (Clayton) to give him a 'proper' microphone instead of the supplied ballpoint pen.

Popeye reminds him of when he was in the San Francisco market at (K) Friendly And Gentle 93 AM.

Note how his fascinating radio prowess puts even Jim and John to sleep.
Not Stubby though. He's always like that without somebody up his ass.

Arch-nemesis Alec reminds him of when he was at Key 103 in Manchester [nowadays rebranded as Hits Radio]. He worked with Bob Fishman as Chipper Thomas on the morning drive as The Fish & Chip Breakfast Bonanza.

Mike: "Sadly that did not last; surprisingly most people did not want to think about fish and chips for their breakfast. Fuckin' limeys!"

He wakes up Jim just to remind him his wife is sleeping with "the man in her life" Johnny Ace. (He does not play her music request though for some reason.) Dixie is a very (etc.) attractive lady as even RD and Blade decide to take a nap. Why they didn't do this before and thus all throughout their Roast is anyone's guess.


Mike once worked at Knoxville's WTRN "1010 The Train" covering sports as Bobby "Sports" Coat, and he worked with Patty Jones on The Patty-Coat Junction before a cease-and-desist from CBS. This got the biggest laughs by far from the group.

Stubby is still there asleep regardless of Mike's presence or not. "WWCR already has a dummy and his name's Brad!...This is the single worst show I've ever been on." He gets somebody who's still awake to play his record player. It's Loudon Wainwright III's Dead Skunk In The Middle Of The Road, here on the Whacker!




***





Trash (:50): "Now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome the men of the hour, too sweet to be sour, funky like a monkey, Blade & RD!"

The two appear to a smattering of applause, finally able to take revenge on themselves their characters of geeks, nerds, and poindexters...by using lines submitted by others. (No joke. Intentionally anyway.)



RD is surprised Blade is wearing pants. Cut to "Don" randomly laughing while holding his skull. Blade is exhausted (and a cripple?) from carrying RD for so many years. Cue shot of Popeye Penguin laughing.

RD: "That's nice. Do you remember when we first met? You came up to me and said: "What do you think about my video submission for your contest of my favorite wrestler of all time, the Black Scorpion?" "Can I have 10 bucks till payday?" And I asked you: "When's payday?" And you said: "I don't know. You're the one that has a fucking job!""

Cut to another totally disconnected shot of Mike shaking his head.

Blade: "Ah, you're fat and bald Randy!"

Even RD laughs at that. So too Hollywood John in another random shot.

RD hates Blade's tardiness: [What a surprise.] "Seriously dude, do you need an alarm clock to know when you have to take a piss?" Blade: "I'm a fucking alcoholic, motherfucker!" [What a surprise.]

Even if drunk, Blade reminds his Co-Hosss that there are others that they should be fighting instead of each other. This includes Jim who hasn't had sex in like 15 years. "Fuck yourself!" Blade overdubs for him (assuming they didn't just use an old clip for that).

RD first thanks Trash, AKA "Frankie Williams with no talent." Trash responds with an exaggerated laugh. Blade compliments his dancing skills from earlier. Unfortunately he did not get his own reality show titled "Dancing With Who The Fuck Is This Guy?" In response RD makes Trash throw his cap down and pretend exit dramatically.


That out of the way, RD can ridicule BM Punk for just being CM Punk but focused on feces. This brings back crickets the grasshopper. "Hillbilly" Jim is again mocked. This can't be helped what with he already sitting close by for such quick and easy insulting. Low hanging fruit, I know. Blade: "Your barbecue business was so bad, I bet that people would stop dying if you bought a cemetery!"

[I'm still surprised I can recognize my contributed line ten years after the fact, even if I later found out it could also be attributed to professional golfer Ed Furgol. 

Also, RD, when you're reading this, and I know you will since I requested your aid and pointed this post out to you, give Jim a graveyard business to run on his next appearance. I'm giving this to you free of charge! Please and thank ya.]

His wife has had sex with everyone else but he. Yes, even with RD. Yes, even with Nintendo John. Yes, even with BM (anally of course). Yes, even with Hollywood John. (Twice.) Jim gives his employee meat-beater the fingers in the opposite direction (since he can't really speak for obvious reasons). Hollywood adjusts his wig in response while sitting in sandals.

In case you may have forgotten that he was still "here".

RD is still confused by the presence of a "Ratings Reaper". He flips them off in the middle of thunder.

"Rate this!"

RD thinks Alec should write his own sexual stories about "Don". Cut to a dislocated shot of Alec laughing. RD picks up Stubby so Blade can shout at him without having to stick his hand up his ass first. This brings up Krankor. (Some variety for once!)

He's got ya now, ya scum!

Popeye is too busy being disconnected with his spinach to Penguin laugh at Blade. Blade finds Rose attractive for some reason, but references the wrong movie at him. RD wishes Dixie gets diabetes from all the sugar she likes to handle. Cut to another disconnected shot of Dixie playing with her figures. (Some variety also, surprisingly!) John is too busy to respond to Blade, perhaps fearing that he will be exposed as a fraud if he lifts his head (like his device being a Game Boy Color instead of the original dot-matrix green for instance).

But the biggest vitriol goes to the "resurrected" Mike Check. RD finds him a monotonous waste of time, like Raw. Blade wants to see him disappear (into the airwaves?). RD calls him a pedophile for wanting to put King Vitamin/Pedophile on a stamp. Cut to another totally disconnected shot of Mike shaking his head. Blade calls him old (again). Cut to another totally disconnected shot of Mike shaking his head. RD mocks his microphone.

Now insulting Mike is one thing (over the many hundreds of years he has lived). But insulting his microphone? That is a line you don't want to cross.

"Market this, RJ and Brad!"

So Mike (now suddenly sitting between Nintendo John and the Reaper instead of by himself like in his previous shots) decides to cut a promo on the two greenhorns. Blade uses the awkward editing to snatch his microphone, revealing it to just be a bathroom appliance attached to a kid's toy. Cue Blade "fighting" RD with hilariously awful blows.

[Where does Blade think he is, pandemic empty Performance Center WWE?]
 
 And thus the hour ends as expected: devolving into random shenanigans. [Which you can see in all its "glory" here on Brad's YouTube thing, if you are so inclined. I know I am.]

  • RD "leaves" as the Rose threatens a wooden dummy
  • Jim and Hollywood John double team the Reaper
  • Popeye has trouble fighting Trash before he remembers he has a can of spinach and his theme music to overpower him
If only this were in black and white.
  • Jim randomly hides under the table while still being overdubbed for some reason 
  • Rose holds Nintendo John for Lily to pie him in the face, before he continues to deliver more bad blows [I know Blade's been out of the business for a while, but this badly?]
  • Regardless, Nintendo John manages to find his Game Boy and continue button mashing it
  • Despite being full of...you know, BM easily knocks aside Hollywood John (despite being played by...you know). Thus Jim just lays there while BM pulls out a Snickers bar from his diaper and applies it to the mask
  • Lily kicks peeping tom Stubby so hard she decapitates him
FLAWLESS VICTORY
 
  • Blade continues to badly beat up Mike while Hollywood John watches
  • Rose pies the Reaper quite stiffly (the mask softens the blow). He then pies one of the spectators who continues to read his paper
  • Alec's projectile chips are no match for super strength Popeye who has his turn to stiffly pie him
  • Dixie vanishes into Parts Unknown (where a not yet visited toy store remains)

You can never not have a group photo.




Dedicated to All Deceased TNA Correspondents

Johnny 4

Johnny 6

Megatrolla

Nathaniel Edward Rodham Davis

Stewart Patrick

Jermaine the Cricket



CS Irwin, Please Pay Up Your Insurance



Thanks To All Our Fellow Crappers for Ten Great Years!



***




Trash (:66):

Hollywood John: "I just got one thing to say - "