Breaking Horsetrolla News.

Raging_Demons here boys and girls. I had planned to write a response to episode 295 but I couldn't find the particular items needed for it.



What's this? Breaking Horsetrolla news?! *pulls paper out of the Horsetrolla*

Oh. Oh MY! Uh...I might as well show you all why the Horsetrolla fired up.



That's right. Mickie James is running for President of The United States. Its not like she would have any competition like the current President Donald Trump. Or the current leader in the political polls Democrat Joe Bident. Or Kanye West. Or Paris Hilton. Or "Full House's" Bob Saget.

I'm sure the Co-Fruitcakes will go into full detail of a President that has a centaur's ass.

295 eBay at the Beach: June 30, 2020

RD: "Was fun till Sunny"
75 minutes

RD wanted to wait things out for a few days due to current events. That took longer than expected.

Then Blade got a brutal ear infection. That didn't help either.

Driven to the brink and at the last minute, they decide to cut their losses and record now. It technically still counts as June, right?

According to their (barnyard) logic, if King Kong Bundy always insisted on a 5-count for his matches, then Hulk Hogan should have always kicked out at 4.

Blade has a habit of bowling with smoke bombs on July 4th. (:08) RD: "Thanks for explaining how the calendar works."

Thus, today's pressed for time radio progrem consists of the two just going through eBay auctions (keyword 'wcw'). (:14) Blade wants to search by proximity for some reason despite being in no condition to perform.

  • Blade: Three Sting figures for $38.50 (all prices are USD). 
  • A 1999 DDP with magnetic grip. 
  • RD: An 8 inch 1997 Sting. 
  • Random computer games including WCW Nitro and something called "Airplanes" which is actually a demo disc for Wings of Glory (produced by Warren Spector!). RD rightfully calls it a ripoff. 
  • Blade: A $10 Goldberg VHS tape.
  • RD: 61 figures for $195.
  • 53 figures with DVDs (do any of them contain Goldberg?)
  • A $98 1993 Sid Vicious figure. A "mountain of muscle" with half the brain that you do.
  • Blade: A figure of Jimmy Hart in a yellow suit masquerading as Hulk Hogan.
  • A vibrating Scott Hall figure infested with fleas.
  • RD: 10 miles from his house (but with free shipping): A rain-covered baby carrier.
  • VHS tapes for $45.
  • A tape of Wrestlewar '89 for $19.
  • Blade: 30 miles from his trailer: Brian Pillman and Chris Benoit masquerading as D-X.
  • More vibrating figures of Andre the Giant and Kevin Nash.
  • RD: Scott Hall with Toad shaped chest hair.
  • A "loose" Fabulous Moolah (but does she vibrate?).
  • Blade: 50 miles from his trailer: A Fall Brawl / WarGames 1995 Snapback hat for the low low price of $130.
  • "Sold Cut" Kevin Nash (no word on if he's portrayed by a fake Diesel). 
  • RD found a seller of autographed cards. He makes Blade guess some of their prices (for 2014). Stan Lane: $17. Kevin von Erich: $35. Booker T: $9. Eric Bischoff: $20. "James E. Cornette": $38 (Does not come with sexual harassment as illustrated). Terri Runnels: $20 (Does not come with handgun or scam house as illustrated). A Konnan scribble: $11. Dennis Condrey: "only" $9. A Ryan Shamrock illustration where Blade thinks her nose is too unhealthily red: $20. 


The two then go international. Blade will search by highest price first, RD by lowest.

  • Blade: $12000 for a "bundle" of video wrestling footage.
  • RD: 75¢ auction for "1991 Championship Marketing WCW #10 Sid Vicious Wrestling Card" with the man tied down with plastic. He bids on it.
  • $1 1995 Jerry Sags with a picture of Brian Knobbs.
  • Blade: $9999.99 + $5 shipping MINT 9 1988 Lex Luger rookie card.
  • $8000 for a sealed VHS "private collection". Includes a German version of Road Wild '96, or as they call it, "Wild in Sturgis '96". RD sneezes as his bid.
  • $7500 1995 WCW Main event Nasty Boys rookie card.
  • RD: 99¢ Hollywood & Vine as Steve Austin. He wants to put that on one of his coasters.
  • $1.69 1999 Brian Knobbs card.
  • Blade: $5500 WrestleMania 6 Bobby Heenan Jacket.
  • $5000 GEM-MT 10 Kimberly Page rookie card.


Since they're on the subject, the two then look for Tam stuff (to have fun with).

  • Blade: $1500 for a "superstars 1 of 100" figure. This is the highest priced.
  • The next item is $800 (also a superstars figure).
  • Then $500 (ditto).
  • Then $320 for a WWF 1998 Calendar CD that Blade already has.
  • Then $130 for a "Sunny & Sid Ahmed Johnson Signed WWF WWE 1997 Bend-Ems Action Figure Set".
  • RD: There is no Sunny within 95 miles of his house (thankfully). 165 miles from his house: A 1998 "Get Pumped" Deadstock shirt for $200.
  • A 1996 Sunny Days print ad for a life management program for $2.30. RD: "I don't want her in charge of anything."
  • A $5 Sunny in Chains photo from Australia.
  • A 1996 Sunny Daze Collection print ad for $8.
  • A completed listing from Fort Mitchell, Kentucky for an "Absolutely Sunny" shirt. Sold on the 13th for $50 despite the lack of a chin.


Blade: "Pretend I'm your father."

RD does the Haiku since Blade is still in no condition to perform:
What a show this was.
To be honest, was not bad.
Was fun till Sunny.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

294 Sleep Stampede: May 25, 2020


One of the 12 listeners during this episode...with worst looking belt.

76 minutes


Blade is already sleepy in the afternoon. It's almost as if he's doing actual work! He is spending his time indoors re-listening to the whole podcast and slowly going mad, poor bastard. He tried the whole Star Trek canon, before he got distracted to Troma movies, before he got distracted again.

Blade: "My mind has a tendency of wondering."
RD: "I've never noticed this."

Distracted Blade is also a master of timing.
Blade: "Our big anniversary shows have been timed so they're like...double bombastic. Our 200th episode was our 5th anniversary show."
RD: "The output ain't what it once was, kids."
...
Blade: "You guys should have heard me back when we started this show."
RD: "It's amazing how much funnier we are off the air."

RD suspects I have bugged the tin can and string so I can get the jump on insulting and mocking Brad.

...

He is absolutely correct. How did he know? I guess I have to readjust my ways now. For one thing, I need to update my SpyTrolla 5000.

Blade never likes going to the grocery regardless of the situation, unlike RD. (:14) The latter went with his wife to Sam's Club to purchase a giant 2 pack (11 ounces each) of Red, White and Blue Crunch. Blade has an unopened box of Boo Berry from 2004 with 11 servings in it.

RD repeats month-old news about XFL Commissioner Oliver Luck suing Vince for $25 million. (:21) Anyway, Vince may be trying to secretly buy it back. You don't say. [Or maybe not? Or maybe not not?]

Jim calls to get annoyed by RD. (:27) He's stuck at an Arizonan bookstore for his "book tour" and wants to live in RD's basement. RD gives him and by extension Blade some advice. "Shove this show up your ass!" Jim replies in between (Blade's) laughing.

You know what that means...?
Bitey "might be over the show" according to Blade. (:31)

Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch are expecting. This angered Jim Cornette for some reason.

Matt Striker is a reality show contestant competing to impregnate somebody. I don't know either.

Mickie James now has a podcast of her own, with Victoria and SoCal Val as "Grown Ass Women". (:38) The two approve of their attempt.

Tam is back on OnlyFans. (:44) The two do not approve of her attempt. RD does his Nathaniel impression. Even Blade is slightly tongue-tied.

RD: "It's not that you've matured and you've become a better person; it's just due to being lazy."
...
Blade: "I'm better than you."

Simon Beach is first on Facebook. He asks how Parts Unknown is dealing with the lockdown. (:50) RD ignores Blade's response since it involves his mythical Yearbook.

What are some great looking belts? (:51) Blade has a seizure trying to understand what RD has to say. He likes the 80's green Intercontinental, Savage's winged eagle, and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. RD instead has the worst looking belts: Warrior's rainbows, the Cena spinner (ruthlessly aggressive spinning!), and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. It ruined Ric Flair's original run with the digitized Big Gold Belt such that he once had to carry a Tag Team belt. This was done instead of, say, WWF crafting another, like what Ted DiBiase once did in that one vignette. RD wishes there was a playset for that, but they leave discussion of that for another later recording.

Double or Nothing's Stadium Stampede greatly pleased the two, even without any angry cows or bulls (doesn't the horse count?). (:66) RD remembers when Sammy Guevara was in WWE only for Lacey Evans to make fun of him. Show attendee Iron Mark yawns.

Some Syllables:
Tyson All Elite.
He was there to present the belt.
Double or Not-yawn.

"I fell asleep; that haiku had eighteen syllables."



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Episode 49: Playsets: May 25, 2020

40 minutes

The Fruitcakes could not rush through their ordinary progrem fast enough to record this one, assuming Blade is not still "sleepy". Blade: "We may be approaching anniversary episode here."

Since they got distracted earlier talking about playsets, they use the opportunity to talk more about them here. Blade had several Star Wars ones when younger that he debated selling, even if they were all made of or were cardboard. RD had a "mainstream" Echo Base one.

The Empire Strikes Back, The Shining, Pac-Man, and that one KISS album came out within the same week 40 years ago. (:06)

RD's desired playsets:
  • Ted DiBiase's jewelry store. (Please don't give Virgil ideas, you know he would make a cheap one in order to make a quick buck.) 
  • Ted DiBiase in swim-trunks on cheap cardboard. (Ditto.)
  • Fuji Bandito. 
  • The Flower Shop (for your young daughter wanting a 300 pound man in a dress).
  • The Big Pink Room (with green-screen).
  • The Rooftop of Titan Towers.
  • Primetime Wrestling.
  • The TVS Techwood Drive Studio with prerecorded lines David Crockett.
  • The Event Center.
  • The In Your House House.
  • 1991 Halloween Havoc with detachable graveyard and Chamber of Horrors.
  • The Gobbledy Gooker with giant egg. 
  • My Dinner with Pepper.
  • The Hardcore Title in the Family Entertainment Center.

Blade's desired playsets:
  • Fuji Vice (featuring the Seahawk).
  • Fuji General.
  • Piper's Pit (perhaps followed by Piper in Alcatraz).
  • Flair for the Gold with Shockmaster breakaway wall.
  • Cactus Jack Lost in Cleveland.
  • York Foundation (with Richard Morton and Terrence Taylor in an office setting).
  • The Black Scorpion's stage for magic tricks to do for yourself at home.
  • Tuesday Night Titans with Lord Alfred on the couch.
  • The Stephanie Wyand Dream House with WWF Superfans.
  • "The Big Show's Dad's Funeral" (with casket).
  • No Holds Barred (numerous scenes in the series).
  • Bobby Heenan with the Rosati sisters and Jameson with his pillow.
  • A giant Miss Elizabeth head (before he forgets about them).
Ultimately Blade would go with the Fuji Vice with Seahawk. RD goes with Primetime Wrestling with Wheel Spun by Cheatum to Make the Deal.

293 Fun House: April 12, 2020

Squeal Like A Pig, Allen!
93 minutes

Blade's audio setup returns him to Smooth Jazz. RD's audio setup returns him to Jeff Foxworthy.

Blade threatens to talk about wrestling before he coughs into the microphone. RD thinks Tam's release and the global pandemic are related.

Blade bought some custom made coasters from RD. He has also made some WC related ones with the help of his wife.

Bitey is taking a break from soundbiting Fantasy Booking Island and using a HulkTrolla the other day. (:10)

RD's tournament is down to the Final between Katie Vick and David Arquette. (:12) RD was surprised by Judy Bagwell's path all the way to the Conference Finals including Giant Gonzales, but even she could not stop runaway Katie who was up in the 90s and a...69 to the Gooker (who was also up in the 90s). Beaver Cleavage also got high due to weak competition. Meanwhile Arquette went beyond the Shockmaster (and No Way Outback Jack). The Yeti had a Cinderella run defeating original worst gimmick Red Rooster. More mockery of him ensues. Meat also erected himself  beyond Al Wilson by 0.5%, Naked Mideon beat the Boogeyman, and the Black Scorpion disappeared. Blade wonders if some of their footage will appear in Arquette's upcoming documentary.

Sad News: Blade forgot to send in a predictive bracket.

Sadder News: Both vote for the first time. Katie is currently in the lead.

Saddest News: Brakus was not one of the contenders, but he was extensively and insultingly made fun of by Jim Ross and Vince Russo in Vice TV's Dark Side of the Ring series' latest episode on the Brawl For All. (:29) RD once ran away from New Jack. Blade almost stayed in a hotel room with him, but Mustafa did give him a beer once. He does his Jeff Foxworthy impression. "God bless Doc." He does his Jim Ross impression.

[To quote the induction on why he deserves such ridicule: "Well, in poor Brakus’ case, he got bested by Savio Vega. This while Jim Ross dubbed Brakus the “German Superman.” Somehow I doubt the real Superman would have become as famous as he is if he got beat up by Savio Vega."]

Young Buck Nick Jackson is a father for the third time. (:37)

Blade has sent RD so many screen caps of Fifth Horsewoman Tam. (:40) She is offering some special offer on her Snapchat or other and yet again can not handle people expectantly being people such that she thinks Ashley Massaro is still alive. Blade does his Tam impression. Krankor's laughing has woken up Bitey. "Did you ever see her porno film?"

Gary "Blue" Oransky of Facebook has today's Question because he commented first: (:47) "In these trying times how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?" he asks. Blade hasn't been on a date in a week (so he's been out of action longer then). RD is considered "essential" enough to be out and about, lucky him.

Blade's random photo was featured on his idol Godfather's Pizza social network, in the pinnacle of his life up to this point. (:50)

Since that was not a proper Question RD went back to The Board again. (:52) He had gone down a recent thread of a "tribute to women in wrestling" (was it the same one he had gone to previously?). "Sexist" Blade reads something sent by RD about "Soul Kane" lusting over Liv Morgan in the Elimination Chamber.

Also from that same Facebook thread from Brian Keith Johnson/Jackson, who was second: (:57) "What woman in wrestling today would you want to be quarantined with?" Don's daughter wouldn't be one of them for the still quarantined Blade. RD wants non-woman Orange Cassidy (like me), non-woman Chris Jericho with his bubbly, non-woman Batista for a brief minute, and Becky Lynch with her dolls. Blade wants Mickie James to sing country songs about Christmas sweaters with, non-woman Black Scorpion to practice magic tricks with, and non-sane person Tam.

"Celebrations" for Triple H's 25 years will "begin" on Smackdown in two weeks, in news that definitely needs no further comment. The Fruitcakes do so anyway, for obvious reasons. (:63)

Big Black Room WrestleMania was alright, except for Becky Lynch who only appeared in the fourth match, and Michael Cole who once again showcased his commentating mastery. (:69) The Fruitcakes worry over the hilarious gimmick matches now influencing others to make it worse by copying them (and WWE adding to things by also failing to copy themselves properly). Blade fears the Undertaker will now use such matches to continue wrestling to Ric Flair age levels. The Fun House encounter was particularly awful as a "match", reminding rambling Blade of the teleporting not-hot Dungeon of Doom, among other things.

However RD is thankful Vince did not (yet) do a match based on Deliverance.

Seventeen easily digestible syllables:
Ruthless Aggression.
Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
Aggression. Bad Shit.



$1.50 : $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

(292) Bitey's Revenge: April 1, 2020

..But not as terrifying as this podcast, Alfred!
"3" (27) minutes

Bitey tries his claw hosting with predictable results Random albeit looped/sequential bird soundclips take over for RD & Blade RD plays all his soundclips available to him RD attempts an avant-garde meditative audio piece RD last minute submits his monthly quota for the peanut gallery.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 14: An owl and a droid imitating parrot fail to impress with their own soundclips. Current Tally: 0 of ???.

Chirp:
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.



...Go vote?



$32.50 Chirp $19.99 Chirp

Episode 48: April Awfulness: April 1, 2020

44 minutes

RD: "I was a fool."

RD has forgotten the last time they did this when they talked about Star Wars. Blade has to keep entertaining the people. He once found WC during his regular search for the Black Scorpion. RD: "How can things be bad?"

WC is currently has some March Madness April Awfulness through a tournament vote on the worst gimmick of them all in honor of its 20th anniversary. (:07) Blade: "Boy I tell ya, 2020 is shaping up to be a great year."

Today:

Round 1, Quarter 1 (FIGHT):

  • Bastion Booger vs. The Ding Dongs: Blade cannot get behind bell ringing so he goes with the DDs. RD wants them to win too but he thinks they will lose.
  • Katie Vick vs. TL Hopper: Both go for the cheerleader in Blade's basement.
  • MIRROR MATCH: IRS vs. Captain Mike Rotundo/Rotunda: Blade found IRS stupider then, but nowadays not as bad as a Captain of a varsity club turned boat. He still thinks IRS will win though the Captain should win due to his horrible t-shirt.
  • Pirate Paul Burchill vs. Funkasaurus Brodus Clay: Blade goes with the random pirate who he has already forgotten due to his drinking. RD wants him to win also to nautically fight the Captain.
  • Rambo Greg Gagne vs. "The Dragon": Blade finds Ricky Steamboat's 'reintroduction' dumb, but the two go with the man with the deadly boring monologues. 
  • BATTLE OF THE BIG MEN: Great Khali vs. Giant Gonzalez: Blade thinks Khali will win due to being more recent but they both want his challenger to win due to his actual awfulness.
  • Judy Bagwell vs. Bertha Faye: Both go with Judy who is expected to win due to her bad appearances and dragging down her son with her.
  • Claire Lynch vs. Piggy James: Both think Claire will win although "fat" Mickie James is absurd beyond all reason. Blade will vote for his Centaur.
Round 1, Quarter 2 (FIGHT): (:15)

  • MIRROR MATCH: Fake Diesel & Razor Ramon vs. Oz: Both will vote for Oz who may win due to being extremely dumb and distracting Blade from his pornography. RD can't afford Mama on his show.
  • Isaac Yankem DDS vs. Gary Spivey: Both go with the dentist since they love the other so much. They both want Gary to win regardless.
  • SPORTS: The Goon vs. Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz: Both go with Abe, the expected winner.
  • The Gobbeldy Gooker vs. Max Moon: A tough matchup to be sure, but they go with their mascot.
  • LATE 90s: Beaver Cleavage vs. Glacier: Both go with Beaver. Glacier is too good to be around here!
  • The Booty Man vs. Farting Natalya Neidhart: Booty was ridiculously awful and had Kimberley Page of all people, but recent Natty may get the edge here.
  • STUBBY: Rocco vs. Chucky: Both go with Rocco due to his interfering with the Legion of Doom.
  • Xanta Klaus vs. Cheatum the Evil One-Eyed Midget: The Deal Maker was an integral part of the early days, so both go with him.
Round 1, Quarter 3 (FIGHT): (:22)

  •  Pro Wrestler Jay Leno vs. Survivor Jenna Morasca: Both are bad but the two go with Jay in what is admittedly a very close match (and his at least being better in the ring), but RD thinks Jenna will progress.
  • Outback Jack vs. Se7en: RD thinks Jack will win easily, though Blade remembers RD laughing about Rhodes and his Baloney Pony among its general badness.
  • The Shockmaster vs. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese: Both think the Shockmaster will trip into a blowout.
  • QUESTIONABLE CHAMPIONS: WCW Champion David Arquette vs. WWE Champion Jinder Mahal: Both go with David though he may not be as recent as the other guy.
  • HORRIBLE ONE-NAMED WRESTLERS: Nailz vs. Zeus: Both go with Blade's favorite Zeus in another close match.
  • Adam Rose with Bunny vs. Kerwin White: Both go with the more "memorable" and longer lasting Adam.
  • The Repo Man vs. WCW's Mystery Man: Both go with the classic Repo Man before he can steal their stuff. Blade: "Ironically it's the worst possible match-up you could ever get if you wanted to see Road Warrior Animal take on Demolition Smash."
  • The Dungeon of Doom vs. Billionaire Ted: A tough one, but Blade will go with the Dungeon due to the very random Ted. RD agrees with him.
Round 1, Quarter 4 (FIGHT): (:32)

  • Black Scorpion vs. Gene "Boba Foot" Snitsky: RD wants Blade's Scorpion to destroy his opponent.
  • KISS Demon vs. Saba Simba: Blade thinks Saba was not a good idea. His Book of Lists Exclamation Point was signed by Tony Atlas. RD goes with him but he thinks the Demon will win this one.
  • SEX SEX SEX: Meat vs. Hugh G. Rection: Both want Meat to win but they think the other one will be bigger.
  • Al Wilson vs. Billy & Chuck: Blade once worked with a guy who was involved with writing both. He will go with Al in honor of his daughter. RD wants him to win though it may be hard against the other two.
  • BIRD BIRD BIRD: Red Rooster vs. Sting's Guard Bird: Blade is speechless so he asks Bitey for help. He doesn't have an opinion either. So Blade goes with Red, "the worst gimmick of all time" in said Book of Lists. Both wonder if Sting will make a run for it regardless since he is more recent. RD wants Bitey to choose again.
  • The Yeti vs. Dink the Clown: Dink is bad enough to win but both will go with the Yeti anyway (if the Dungeon of Doom doesn't win for him that is).
  • Mantaur vs. Naked Mideon: RD for the former, Blade for the latter.
  • The Boogeyman vs. Papa Shango: Blade takes a while before choosing the former, RD for the latter.
Neither is sure who will win the whole thing anyway due to all the badness present. Even the Black Scorpion has tough competition in his quarter.

The two will return once this round has been decided within the next few days, assuming Blade will still be alive by then.

The WrestleCrap Radio Shoot Interview: December 1, 2008


[Here's something that's been in my bucket (list) for a while.

Back when he was still burning DVDs and before he put them all and his archives online, RD Reynolds (old buddy and pal) thought it was a good idea to record...something, with a perpetual drunk Blade Braxton and his own old buddy and pal Trash Losagain. Thus this...thing, or whatever it is. I remember summarizing this too, on old fashioned itinerary paper, waiting for the time I could publicize it. Well that time is now, just because. (Well, somewhat due to the site's 20th anniversary and earlier experience with similar Patreon/supporter exclusives.) Pretend it was written when it was supposed to be written thanks to time travel shenanigans or something.

Should you still want to see this nonsense for some reason among other videos, old inductions, and most importantly, older episodes of the radio progrem, you can purchase access through the usual Patreon support, a single donation of $15 US, or even a physical purchase if those are still available. But don't say I didn't warn you.

Also my gratitude yet again to RD himself for his GIF creations. Hopefully they don't slow this down too much. The video is long enough as it is!

- PB, April 1, 2020]




103 minutes
((( recorded in DV format fidelity )))

RD is at home with Blade and Trash Losagain, all wearing headgear indoors. Blade is pretending to drink and be "not sober" from a stereotypical brown paper bag. RD has to show people he actually has a WWE Niagara Falls cup to loudly sip from. (Trash has a plastic water bottle, how boring.)

Trash has come prepared with papers. Firstly, he asks them how they initially got into the wrestling business. For RD it's simple: homophobia. (But of course.) (:02)

RD: "[Leilani Kai] had quite the pallor."
Blade: "She had the powder?"
RD: "She may have done that too."
...
Blade: "What made [RD] pop is having sex with his wife."

Actually for RD he was drawn in by Bobby Heenan. For Blade it was Adrian Adonis and his leather jacket with Dick Murdock. He says this while holding his bottle in a strategic manner on his body. (RD has his poodles Raleigh and Piper on his lap.)

Trash asks what their first actual step in the business was. Blade did some show in order to eat stale nachos. RD's phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice. (:05)

Blade: "I feel sorry for the people who purchased this."

Trash asks RD "to get his dick in the door". Blade hopes it's not a wooden door to avoid splinters. RD: "Does it say 'penis proof'?"

Trash asks about kayfabe while RD is momentarily distracted. He and Trash first worked for Jeff Cohen in PWI, making stuff up to annoy Mike Samples, the world's most popular wrestler. (:07) Strangely, the then mayor of Indianapolis had written their company a letter welcoming their trade, so they abused his patronage for two weeks for bloody matches.

WrestleCrap began when RD had to justify purchasing a new computer and to stand out from the other wrestling places around to ensure he was not Al Isaacs or Bryan Alvarez. It was Merle Vincent who persuaded him to go down the path he did.

Blade: "How did you find out [Bryan] was eight inches shorter?"

Blade found the site "by doing my weekly Google search of the Black Scorpion". He's definitely not telling the truth; he used Yahoo those days. (:11)

On time spent on the site and money made, Blade likes RD's turquoise wall.

RD: "I hope no one expects too many answers."

They extol the virtues of the 'legitimate' Trolla Corporation, started by Joseph and Bob Trolla, their banner hanging on the turquoise wall. (Nasdeq code TRO/LLA/ROL/OLL/ATM). Blade's phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice. (:14)

Trash can't contain his laughter hearing Trolla's motto of "Yesterday's technology at today's prices". "Have you seen a Trolla double headed dong?" he has to ask. RD has to disclaim they don't make sex toys or snuff films. He admits he needs Blade so that their shows don't go 45 minutes long on random stuff (like they already do anyway).

Trash has a list of names of their "slave labor". (:18) Is Johnny Six actually Dan Severn? RD: "Johnny Six sounds much more masculine." Blade thought he had facial hair. RD wants to make Trash dance by pointing at his body parts.
 
Separated at birth?

Stubby is "100% real" as Blade brings him out of a trash bag. In response to his resurrection the WrestleCrap banner on the turquoise wall falls off. (:21) Quick! Cut to commercial!




Banner restored, Trash is free to ask Stubby questions after RD gives him a sip (from his cup).  (:21) Then he lets one rip. Blade, not Stubby. Then he asks Trash for crugs. Stubby, not Blade.

Trash asks him about KISS since he's wearing a shirt. "I used to have a man crush on Paul Stanley," he 'says'. Blade would go with Peter Criss since he has yet to wake up with a star on his crotch. Then he farts again. Blade gives Stubby some of his bag bottle as RD has his turn laughing hysterically. "Keep it in there buddy!" he manages to get out.

Before Trash can ask more questions his phone rings; he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice in Spanish. (:25) RD is exasperated, not realizing that a precaution to this would be as complex as...turning the phones off and/or placing them elsewhere. Not in Blade's trashbag though. Who knows what surprises he may have in there.

That out of the way, Trash asks about Peter Gazer who may or may not be related to "Mike Hunt". I think his supposed orientation would make such a thing an impossibility.

RD: "He was a homosexual. ... I know that's shocking."
Stubby: "You know, I've sucked dick too. I don't brag about it."

RD compliments Stubby's ability to make Blade's lips move rather than the other way round. (:27)

Trash tries to get "serious" to ask about Nathaniel. According to RD people complain they're not getting enough wrestling news, which they're expecting from him and Blade for some reason. RD does his Nathaniel impression.

Speaking of being serious, what do the two say to those that think their Trips to the Grocery and cereal eating are fake? They have to eat; RD doesn't grow crops out back and Blade is not a (non-wrestling) plant. RD has Trash walk up to the camera with a box of Cadbury's Fingers as proof. He has another box of Dark Fingers for all of Blade's sodomy needs.
 
I didn't even know her!

Stubby goes for trying the the regular Fingers to appease his PTSD. RD opens the box while asserting that his Black Friday encounters with madness are also real. He promises more adventures on the day which is Mrs. Deal's favorite. "You're making me jones for crack just talking about this!" Stubby randomly says through Blade before he gets the "shakes". Blade puts him down (on the floor), then smells his fingers. RD: "Did you get fingered dark?"

Stubby Shakes (Suddenly)

Having missed seeing that, (and with none of them giving their verdict on the food, as expected), Trash asks about the Haku Haiku. (:34) Blade started it because he had had some Crown (as illustrated) because he thought it appropriate for their show. RD finds it more concise and accurate than just going around wrestling sites (or buying a Trolla product). Trash asks Blade to improvise one (using his fingers) but before he can do so RD's phone rings (again); he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice, to no answer:

RD on the phone.
Annoying as fuck for you and for
everyone watching.

Not bad. Only 19 syllables. Good finger counting indeed.

Trash: "I'd like to focus on some of the segments that failed and -"
RD:  "WHOA WHOA WHOA! Segments failing???" (:37)

The (expected) example brought up: Fantasy Booking Island. Blade has no idea why an extended joke attempt based on an old show would fly over the heads of younger folk. RD wants reruns back on ABC. Blade confuses it with The Love Boat. RD does his Nate impression again: four stars for that episode featuring Bill Goldberg and Kevin Nash without a cattle-prod involved. [Or featuring Scott Hall with said cattle-prod.]

From that non-answer Trash segues to Someone Bought This Exclamation Point. To keep things WCR related, RD has him hold up The Dusty Rhodes Book to show that it does in fact still exist in his house (including showing it to the second camera off camera for some reason). Blade finds himself looking through it. He reads one (1) line. RD points out that thanks to people not wanting it, the books' publisher Sports Publishing is out of business. [It's not as if the old site is still up, or that they're still imprint publishing under a new brand or anything these days. Nope, they're completely gone.] RD remembers to edit in Krankor laughing at the required moment. [Not at my finding, I'll have you know.]

(Re)Throwing the Book

Speaking of questionable items: the Katie Vick outfit. (:41) They paid $2000 for it since they didn't realize they were the only ones bidding on it. Blade last used it to have sex in (worn by the woman, not by himself), something Trash should already know about since he was an ear-witness to this revelation. RD asks him if he did it while holding some spaghetti in his hand. He did not.

RD: "Has it been dry cleaned?"
Blade: "I...I'm a master of aiming. I missed the outfit."
RD: "Words to live by, kids."

RD's turn has him with a potty time training bear which Blade had sent him last Christmas.

RD Spotted With Bear

He then takes a close up sip of his cup.




Trash has one last question of his own for Blade: What is his Big Announcement? (:45) Blade again defers. Trash has been reading people's guesses on the forums about what it might be. Could it be Blade has a third nipple? A ponytail? An appearance in a Lost Boys sequel? (Or even its XXX parody Found Boys?) RD gives a "wow" as Blade is wanting to time it right, or so he says. Trash hopes there are no bootlegs of this recording. [I don't think Coliseum Video will be releasing this any time soon.]


Trash finally gets into Questions that are not of the Week or potentially award or prize winning, but he's printed on his papers. (:48)

Trash (to RD): "Is your son upstairs?"
Blade (laughing): "He's got candy!"

That wasn't a Question if you were wondering.

  • A Question on prep time: RD refutes the notion that their progrem is "scripted...like we write out jokes...before the show". Blade shows from his trashbag a paper plate with his handwriting on the back that he eat eaten nachos off of and left on the floor the day before. (:50) The words reference his haiku (written twice), Brother Midnight, Val Venis' dog, Bettlejuice, and DX. RD: "Could you even FATHOM somebody saying something like that?" He then accuses Brian Gerwitz of stealing of them. Blade thinks he said Bryan Alvarez, but of course. "I've been drinking!" he lies.
  • Another wonders if Don Mason actually exists. Blade maintains he does despite being an Uncharismatic Enigma. He laments not bringing him with him or fake calling him. He will save the time when he hit him with his own car in the "sequel". [I believe he is referring to those days when he and Don were younger and tried to record their own horror movies. Some of that commentated on by the Fruitcakes, is also available in the video archives as his "home movies". That particular incident is the last portion from the 9:30 mark onward, and features his angry mother shouting at him while RD giggles.]
  • Another wonders if RD is in fact related to Burt Reynolds and Blade to Toni Braxton. RD thinks he was the result of when Burt and Toni hooked up, assuming she was a time traveler. Blade: "I've came from a lot of Toni Braxton's stuff." RD: "And her loins I bet. From your loins." 
  • Trash tries asking again. Blade wonders how he and his thin facial hair looks like Burt Reynolds. RD finds no physical similarity with him and Toni Braxton despite offering just a minute ago that she might have been his time traveling mother.
  • RD's full name is Real Deal Real Deal Reynolds. (:54) Blade: "About as absurd as me being called Blade Blade Braxton." RD: "Gay Blade Braxton?" 
  • RD remembers to edit in crickets.
  • Who have they met in the business? Blade's favorite in the industry is in fact RD, and the prospect of sitting five inches away from his penis excites him. Coincidentally RD's favorite in the industry is in fact Blade and his totally legitimate Front Yard Boxing Association heavyweight championship belt which he keeps in delicate condition in his trashbag.
Blade's extremely high quality, heavy, and expensive belt up close.
  • A Non-Listener who thinks they talk a lot about wrestling wonders if they will also look at MMA. (:58) RD dismisses it as too much work for them.
  • From an actual Listener: When are the Crappies, the WrestleCrap Carnival, the Nicole Bass match, and their birthdays? [I think they may be too late with Nicole Bass now. Also, January 12th for RD and February 8th for Blade. You're welcome.] RD barely has time to say "they're coming" before Trash's phone rings (again); he takes an imaginary phone call with a loud tone of voice in non-Spanish English.
  • Another Listener: "The Cheatum interview was a work?" The two make fun of people thinking it was easy to find him in the Yellow Pages. Blade spent five hours trying to find him but stumbling onto watching elderly bestiality. RD remembers to edit in Krankor laughing if he was in fact sick.
  • Blade still has not fully paid John Thomas yet. He hope he doesn't have to give up his belt with stapled on rivets.
  • Someone had foolishly asked on the Co-Hosss Contest and if it will make a return. Blade invokes the memory of "John F.K." when RD first told him about his idea of having a Gong Show while he was passing a tollbooth. RD thought it was a good idea at the time including when somebody farted. Blade threatens to quit if there is another Contest.
  • Trash has a self-explanatory question on them wearing costumes. Blade is apparently with his "belt". RD doesn't want to edit in wearing his coat and tie to scare any younglings.
  • RD accuses Blade of not finishing his pretend bag bottle. Blade says it is his second (a Forty). He threatens to dirty the floor with it.
  • Somebody wonders where their old references come from. RD takes offense that they would plan such beforehand on their itineraries. But he needs to "write some more jokes" anyway.


  • For RD: highs and lows of the website. (:68) He considers closing the site weekly every time he needs to have something up.
  • What was said during the first Zombie interview that was not posted due to low sound quality? Blade reveals he was on his mobile phone backstage at a show in Puerto Rico, and the undead man told him not to repeat the story about people throwing urine at him. So of course he didn't. RD: "YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THE URINE!!!"
[*Play for full effect*]

  • Trash wants the two in a "dream scenario" (without the music?) to ask them if they would want to work in WWE. RD refuses outright. Blade would fail the Wellness Policy. Blade's phone receives an imaginary text message; he takes a quick look at it regardless. RD finds it curious that gerbils and Jergens sound so similar.
  • Speaking of dirty stories to cut out, RD does want it known that he finds it curious that gerbils and Jergens sound so similar. (:71) Blade remembers (for once) when they had to cut out something about April Hunter's breasts the week before interviewing Vince Russo. Neither can Blade talk about the time he had fun with a minor at a Misfits concert.
  • A "neat" question for RD: did he ever go too far with Blade and make him cry? There are "countless" times where he does just that, even including show delays and postponements. One time they argued with each other too much. Then the two randomly sing.
  • RD: "Remember when they used to have the Heathcliff and Marmaduke Show?" (I do.)


  • Do they have celebrity interactions? RD can't reveal due to discretion involved. This includes Trolla perhaps filing litigation against Santino Mirella and his Honk-A-Meter.
  • Favorite episode/moment? (:79) RD always enjoys whenever "Jim Ross" calls in through his restaurant for therapy due to always being upset. Blade does his JR impression. The two think they could appear in video form, but Blade notes that he has to wear a mask when he does so (as John Reece).
  • Trash: "RD, I've been on the local independent wrestling scene -" RD: "Sorry buddy." Blade does his Johnny Cash impression.
  • Anyway, the original question was about someone asking about an old story of RD when he was a younger manager and gave a ride to someone for out of town. Blade burps. "Don't tell mom and dad." He has to insure those he picks up can curl and/or hurl for him. (That explains why he's still single.) [That also explains why the Midnight Rose is still single.]
  • Blade also misses the Rosati sisters who never had any plastic figures of their own due to the size needed for them. Or the Rosetta sisters, as he characteristically misremembers them.
  • Further with RD's past not involving women, he would gladly run another independent wrestling promotion into the ground if given the opportunity. (:86)
  • This causes Trash to randomly dance around. (Make your own dancing white man joke here.)

  • After sitting back down he has his last question (not sung by Celine Dion):


What is with that random blue box used to prop it up? (:88)

Blade: "You know, a lot of wrestling fans come to WrestleCrap Radio - "
RD: "Hope they're wearing a jimmy."
...
RD: "'What did you do last night?' (falsetto) 'Oh, I listened to WrestleCrap Radio and I fingered myself. It was quite good!'"

Breakfast cereal is what they eat, with more oats on a regular week than Hall & Oates.

RD mocks the naysayers who say such...women friendly products don't actually exist. Although with the way the two cover models are smiling as if hit by the Smile-X, I may have inclination to believe them. How else can you explain the quote on the back: "I will savor my broccoli."

RD: "I will make someone's vertical smile smile."

Blade holds up a generic piece like a sex toy before he eats it.


And now something for Blade and his fellows who enjoy "corn from a man's ass." RD guesses correctly that he's speaking from experience. (:92)

The trio's laughter is not helped by the odd visual of a crazy old man and his (animal) (equine) ass on the front.

Blade: "You ever ate a lot of cereal and then got busy and decided not to go to the bathroom?"
RD: "I don't know what world you live in, but I'm really glad I'm not a resident. Of Planet Braxton."

There is a mess of a prairie dog's intestines on the back leading to a spread eagle eagle. Worse, RD calls it a gerbil despite it clearly being labeled otherwise.


Finally, some proper food. Even if it has a clown. (:95) Blade could only get it "imported" from Mexico. RD wonders if it is called El Kablammo south of the border.

Blade likes its genericness. RD moves on, not wanting to hear what other random thing he will say next.



Blade not liking Rice Krispies because of their mascots makes RD laugh hysterically again. (:96) This one is more acceptable since it features an alligator instead (not to be confused with RD's Crocs that he's wearing). The back again confuses with its public service badges. Blade almost hits his Co-Host in confused anger.



RD does not know the difference between Coco and Cocoa, even when comparing the two. (:98) Blade thinks it depends which one Koko B. Ware prefers. RD says its the former since there is a bird (Frankie?) hiding in the back picture. Blade thinks the latter from Walmart is not actually from Walmart since "that's no moon."


RD is offended by the bad pun. [He has his own to make in the future, he doesn't want any infringing competition!] (:79) Blade thinks Chester is a Good Friend of the cereal, if you follow. RD is offended that it is a rip-off of:


RD: "WHAT IS THAT?!?!?!"

Before Blade can ramble on about their #1 nemesis cereal, Trash makes a run-in: it's his favorite cereal! This is too much even for RD to handle, so he stops editing.

You can't spell 'defend' without 'def' and 'end'.

291 Love in the Time of Corona: March 27, 2020

This ring is empty, just like after listening to this show feels.
101 minutes

The latest development for Big Black Room WrestleMania: AJ Styles will face the Undertaker in a "Boneyard Match". Blade makes an actual joke. For once. I know.

Blade is back (quarantined?) in Don's Petting Zoo Basement with his pet parrot "Bitey". He is the only one laughing at Blade's jokes/laughter/Big Announcement. RD thinks Bitey would make the perfect next TNA correspondent. I'm expecting he will have a character page eventually irregardless of this. (He already has a label now anyway.)

RD now has an Etsy shop. At the moment he is specializing in creating high quality old school game coasters.

RD admits that we of this very site are more awesome than them. (:16)

News depending on how you look at it: Tam is out of prison and expressing a desire to "paint". No word on whether she also is on Etsy. (:19) Blade reminds RD on the many Tam "presents" he had subjected him to for Christmas. Then he threatens to talk about her weekly. Then he coughs outside of the microphone. Then he randomly says: "I'm allergic to the world." Then he Joker laughs.

Shelly Martinez is not doing nude work on her OnlyFans page. (:25) Blade has to explain to the more prudish RD what OnlyFans is. Wasn't Tam there also? She will be on Snapchat if she wasn't already there before her "hiatus". Bitey pterodactyl screeches on hearing this. Blade has seen her recent photos and thinks she looks better. Spending time in jail will do that to someone.

Blade had a Wrestling Vixens account before he or his library had a computer (he used his friend's computer to use it).

Jillian "Mole" Hall is a mother for the second time. (:32) Blade: "[Shawn Michaels] never had any problems conceiving, but..." He keeps thinking it's still cold outside. He also fantasizes about naming his alternate dimension children after Crayola colors and/or cheese. (Crayola colors named after cheese?)

Sad News: Blade once again is missing out on meeting Mickie James (and Tom Wopat) in Columbus (Indiana) due to the current pandemic cancelling everything. (:38) He expresses his sadness by more coughing.

RD announces that he will pay for Blade's next flight to see Mickie James within the next 12 months if she's within close distance of either of them. Blade still wants to ask her about her favorite breakfast cereal. (:44)

For a change, Listener James Campbell was Questioned in the Kult of Kayfabe Facebook group about wrestling podcasts. He chose...wisely. (:46) Blade wonders how their two radio progrems compare to one another. Then he Joker laughs again alongside Bitey.

RD took another visit to the F4W Board for another Question there. (A subscription is still required for access.) (:49) Blade wants to call these occurrences Board Games. This week/month from January: who is the best member of Demolition? "Dude Life" liked Axe due to his creepiness as a middle-aged factory laborer sex pervert.

WrestleCrap will be 20 years old this April, so the Fruitcakes go over some of their favorite moments. (:54)

  • RD was supposed to be a caller-in on a radio show with an elderly receptionist identifying him as "Russell Crap" (I am sure he mentioned this once.). 
  • Blade had an early email conversation with the Warrior on his personalized workout program using the nom de guerre of RustleCrup. 
  • RD remembered the many people he has met over the years. 
  • Blade remembered their feud with Damien Demento including singing and their missed attempt to have Shelly Martinez on the show because she "overslept". 
  • RD is most happy to have met Blade through his Black Scorpion Revenge. Blade was assisted by his Ex and Don to make it as an excuse to expand his VHS tape library, and as a result starting his IMDB profile. Discussion of the expensive good old days follows. 
  • Blade is most happy that he has Katie Vick's outfit to literally fuck around in.

The Fruitcakes wonder how much it will cost to bring Tam onto their show. (:83) According to her Facebook page she was happy for two (2) hours on the 23rd before getting angry again for some reason.

Big Black Room WrestleMania over two days with gimmicks matches is the worst way to go about it, instead of delaying it in order to make it better (you know, like everyone else is doing). (:87) Blade argues they can't delay it without impacting their TV shows; they might as well get things over with now and start anew. RD shows how incorrect Blade is by forgetting who Brock Lesnar is to fight against (Drew McIntyre).

The two agree that WWE should take a hiatus/offseason anyway, as they should normally do even without a pandemic (you know, like everyone else is doing). Blade attempts to be "light" and spills water all over himself.

RD on WrestleCrap on Patreon: "Enjoy some bad wrestling from when some of it was actually good."

Seventeen Syllables of Blade Braxton telling you what's going on:
Coronavirus.
Empty WrestleMania.
It will feel empty.



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right



#StayAliveStayInside #Don'tBeBlandWashYourHands #BeBadAssWearAMask

Rowdy Roddy Piper's Corona Virus Tips

By R.V.M Kai



With all the rules and strict guidelines that the world has had to follow due to the recent outbreak of the Corona Virus (aka Covid-19) pandemic, it started making me think about Rowdy Roddy Piper's Halloween Tips (for some reason?), which were basically Hot Rod's rules for kids to follow to stay safe when 'Trick or Treating' from back in the 1980's (the video clip is above). It prompted me to Tweet RD Reynolds and Blade Braxton of Wrestlecrap Radio, since they were always big fans of Roddy's Halloween Tips, about wishing that Piper was alive today, during a difficult time like this, just so we could have gotten his version of "Corona Virus Prevention Tips". Seeing that we at wrestlecrapradio.com do not have a SeanceTrolla (I think Mike Check's daughter may have it and bought it for a bargain at a yard sale?), I thought I'd try to come up with what I think Roddy Piper's Covid-19 Tips may sound like:


"I wanna tell ya people somethin', because preventing the spread of Corona Virus means something to me. People dying, there's bunches of them. There's a couple of rules you follow when it comes to Covid-19. And these are the rules and ya gonna follow them because Hot Rod said so:

#1 First of all, when you go out there, ya gonna wash your hands because people could be sick, and there's IDIOTS not covering their mouths when they cough, and those Idiots are gonna cough all over the place! Some of them don't care, so you gotta take care of yourself!

#2 Now ya ain't gonna go and knock on people's doors who have Corona Virus, or you'll get sick. And you ain't gonna go inside nobody's house when they offer you their hand for you to shake! Ya gonna stay on the doorstep, and ya gonna stand three feet away and ya gonna say "PLEASE AND THANK YA"!

#3 Now when ya order ya food from a restaurant, whatcha gonna do is ya gonna TAKE YA FOOD, BACK HOME to your family, before you eat it!

#4 Then whatcha gonna do is ya gonna have lots of fun in self-isolation, so by October, ya'll be able to have a Happy Halloween and Trick Or Treat."



See you all next week everybody, so long!


R.I.P Roddy Piper (1954 – 2015)

290 The B Word: February 19, 2020

BladeStranglesHisBird.com
...I Bet That Url's Not Taken?

85 minutes

Blade has returned from abroad to be further confused by RD himself. Quote one Listener: "You guys just seem to tickle each other."

RD explains to Blade how he got his scar in Gotham City getting pseudo-creampied in his Roselyn Bakery Death Match in his wrestling days by his very excited opponent. (:05) Blade remembers their pie throwing at the end of that Roast of 10 years ago. Was it really that long ago?

Blade is currently in Don's basement with his pet parrot. RD wants to make him the next TNA correspondent. (:12)

RD wants to add years to the site to make it older than it currently is, like WCW did with Goldberg's record. Blade has a forbiddingly bad idea for what he wants for the April anniversary. "I can read a calendar," he proclaims.

As expected, Blade did not listen to last month's show.

RD gave Blade some karmic justice for always being late for their recordings. (:22) Blade had a good time in the UK with his Midnight Rose and Katie Vick outfits in a horror movie without a title. Botchamania's Maffew is also to appear in it. Blade promised a friend he would bring them UK variant Kit Kats, so of course he ate them all himself. That's all the news he can give us.

Blade continues to be drunk. (:28) One of the Iiconics did a photo shoot resulting in an expected deluge of "messages". RD reads a publicized one in his non-Sir Alec/STAN impression.

Jim calls in since he is soon to release another book. He and RD crack each other up unintentionally (for once). (:34)

The Hall of Fame bound Bellas are expecting at the same time. RD pretends to be surprised that it may not be on the straight and narrow. Blade: "I just got up." (:39) Also joining them this year are the original four of the NWO Classic, Bistro Batista, Jushin Liger, and Davey Boy Smith [and JBL].

Robert Sternburg (2) thinks Adam Bomb has bowel issues. (:46) He has to make sure they're alright since he may be imprisoned like his partner Crush was that one day. Blade fails his 'joke'. RD: "Does it really matter?" He tries again. That fails. He tries again. That fails.

Blade also hung out with some Listeners while overseas. The drinking probably helped them against his bad jokes. (:50) Shayna Baszler appeared with a vampire/hound gimmick. RD does not mess up his 'joke' but it still fails also. Blade tries again. That fails.

Speaking of wrestling biters, RD likes Hulk Hogan, the Haiti Kid, and Shelly Martinez (What is she up to these days anyway?). Blade likes Kamala, Gangrel, and Matilda. (No Abdulla the Butcher?)

RD has yet to watch a full match of the new XFL but likes some of their rules, including the different point conversion. (:68) Blade's Hobo Curse has had no effect on the nearby Kansas City Chiefs, since they are not based in Kansas. His XFL team is the also not based in Kansas ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS (to be written only in all caps, like the OTTAWA REDBLACKS. Who are also not based in Kansas).

WWE is currently documenting their years of RUTHLESS AGGRESSION, their period of random activity in the 2000s after they had defeated WCW and had no idea what to do next (sounds like nowadays to be honest). Blade does his old man impression due to being confused by their era dates. (What, does he think this is a game of Sid Meier's Civilization or something?) RD is more amused by WWE's hilariously awful attempts to rewrite history, in this case that they 'voluntarily' changed their name just because.

Wipe it clean with Seventeen (Shayna) Syllables:
Shayna likes to bite.
I hope she doesn't get sued.
Trademark White Wolf Inc.



$1.00 : $32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

The Audio Mailbag: January 30, 2020

62 minutes

Blade is currently in the UK being drunk while in a gutter filming yet another horror movie, so RD has to once again do things all by himself (any more) in order to fulfill his monthly obligations. This gives him the opportunity to reminisce the early days of the site where he used to reply to people's questions (and before he recreated it on the radio progrem just so he could make fun of the questioners). From that it led him to ECW Press and his eventual books and his friendship with Bryan Alvarez, and his friendship with Blade winning him over as the Black Scorpion by the power of FedEx.

But first, RD FINALLY has an opportunity to talk about wrestling! Blade is not around to interrupt five times in a row with bad jokes or whatever. (:09)

  • He thought the recent Royal Rumble was alright, even if was a bit too long. 
  • He did have the time at least to write about Kurt Angle's final match with Baron Corbin, of all people. The Human Jigglypuff had a horrible match with Roman Reigns. 
  • The Women RR featuring Molly Holly was alright, but he misses seeing more and older people.
  • The other matches also went well more or less. RD finds Kairi Sane cute, as do we all, and thinks she can do much better escaping WWE.
  • The Men RR with MVP and Brock Lesnar throwing out people constantly was as he expected. He understands why he was eliminated, but not if Drew McIntyre is up to the challenge to face him.
  • He wishes Edge (ED GE/Redger) would return with Vickie Guerrero.
  • AEW is still a blast, both old and new folks alike. MJF, Darby Allen, and Sammy Guevara are particular standouts to him.
  • Even NXT is having some fun.
  • Overall, some of his enjoyment of the genre has returned.

That out of the way, RD dives into his Facebook thread of questions.

  • One fellow, Paul LaParka (not Paul O’Parka), sent him an audio question asking who would play the Co-Fruitcakes in their movie. (:24) Obviously Blade will be played by Al Pacino as Tommy Michigan of course. RD wants the most boring actor he can find, but instead decides David Schultz as himself would do much better.
  • Ron Motta asked about his earliest wrestling memory. He ties it into his love of video games; someone he asked to come over was watching wrestling instead, so he first watched the British Bulldogs which hooked him before Bobby Heenan further sealed the deal.
  • Andy Denyer wants Bryan to appear on the show
  • Jason Lindsey remembers the Big Nippled Vampire.
  • Matthew Fox asks about She-Ra.
  • Kurt George Lewis thinks the King of the Ring should be a defended title. RD disagrees. Richard Gottfried wonders what happened to Mabel's belt.
  • Ryan Goodman loved the old Mailbag. He didn't phrase it in the form of a question. (:30)
  • John Rambo thinks Blade is starting WrestleCrap UK.
  • Joe Vernola asked him about Burt Reynolds. RD still calls him Uncle Burt and is still sad after his passing for some strange reason. RD took him from a flea market poster rather than go through with the original name of Jack Diamond.
  • Someone pretending to be Iron Mark Tyson asks about Lana's fluctuating accent. And are Bryan and Dave secretly with AEW? (:33)
  • Sean Bateman asks about Becky Lynch's pre-WWE matches. RD remembered when she was initially a leprechaun. 
  • Brian Weckerly wonders which bad gimmick he would super push. RD thought Waylon Mercy could have gone further had it not been for physical issues.
  • Danny Rhoads has a tough question: which written about thing would he remove? (:36) His ultimate goal is to make people laugh, no matter the subject matter. But the one and only thing he would remove would be Blade suffering through Joanie Laurer's (first) adult adventure.
  • David Stidham misses Bobby Lashley's sisters in his latest bad angle. (:41) RD agrees.
  • Neil Purcell thinks Joey Janela's theme sounds like a Journey song. RD stresses the importance of good music in wrestling.
  • One of my fellow Co-Historians asks about noticing a show's sobriety. (:43) RD: "Yes." His throat is also hurting from all his monologues.
  • Ryan Goodman (again) asks a random Guevara question. Keith Lagasse follows up with another random Guevara question (on another thread).
  • Patrick McCabe is still unsure who was the Higher Power.
  • Peter Melnick asks if he was in a submarine. Yes he was. Two feet underwater anyway. He was in a helicopter once due to his mother entering him into a competition.
  • Ben Warrick remembers The Wrestling Album. RD prefers Piledriver.
  • RD cannot explain a photo on the air.
  • Jamie MacKay has a Terry Funk song to listen to. (:48) Mike Check RD uses the opportunity to take an intermission by playing it in full.
  • DJ Derrick Guynn (AKA Derek Quinn) has some games to rank. (:53) His #1 is WWF Superstars due to its play. Mania Challenge is #2, WWF Wrestlefest is #3. From Luke Lay's followup, ProWrestling is another #1.
  • Forest George wonders if Paul Teutel Sr. vs. Hogan would be a draw.
  • Ralph Archuleta has a question about Jaime Hayter.
  • Ryan Swartz has a badly worded question about a current wrestler using an older gimmick. (:56) RD thinks such a thing would be hard to do.
  • Denny Taylor (in kayfabe) wants to know how real Giant Gonzalez's airbrushed muscles were.
  • Dave Hines warns RD about spelling Barry Manilow's name wrong. (Actually he spelled it right. Does hie also write his songs too?)
  • John Hudson thinks Tam, when (if?) released, could do a prisoner gimmick. (:57)
  • Luke Lay (again) asks him about his favorite Royal Rumble moment. Ric Flair in '92, no question.
  • Wes Lee has RD wanting to play air hockey with Sammy Guevara and his salmon pants.
  • Dylan Fionda asks about trains.
  • Arya Witner forgot that Kerry Von Erich was the second Ultimate Warrior.
  • Brian Beissel is scared about contagion. Although "Coronavirus" is a good name for a finisher.
  • Danny Rhoads (again) wonders who would win between Well Dunn and American Males. RD picks the latter.
  • Simon James Lindsay asks about Kane's titles. (:60) RD thinks he had as enough as he should have had.
  • And finally, Iron Mark Tyson (again) asks about Blade's Big Announcement. What a mark.

2019 Gooker Nominees! ForceRise!

What's up my people, Raging_Demons here. It is that time folks! The return of The Gooker! It's the award from Wrestlecrap as voted on by us on who is the worst in the year in wrestling.

This year in 2019 let me say: WOW was there a lot of crap! So naturally let me explain the term "ForceRise". On social media I do admit I tend to watch some foreign programming. Currently I'm watching a program from Japan called "Kamen Rider Zero-One". Now the villains will basically transform a.k.a "morph" like the Power Rangers, the belt that they use says "ForceRise!" like so:



After thinking about it for awhile the word "ForceRise" kind of made sense for this year's Gooker. As in "This crap on my screen will FORCE me from my couch and RISE up from it to change the channel now!"

[Insert your own rimshot here. Preferably while voting.]

This year's selection is a mixed bag. We got people returning for a historic second win, we have newcomers getting their first nominations, and a possible historic nominee!

So let's look into the 2019 Gooker nominees!

And they are...

1. Baron Corbin's Push From Hell: For first timers on the site let me give you the definition of a "Push From Hell" is. A "Push From Hell" can be defined as when a promotion gives a wrestler major hype, and possibly major career hype, to make the wrestler look awesome, but they keep continuing the push to the point of ad nauseam. This Push from Hell goes to someone that doesn't even deserve it at all going to, of all people...Baron Corbin!

Personally, Baron Corbin is the most boring person on the roster. He does a promo in such a monotone voice it drives people to sleep. He says a promo like he's reading it out of a book. Hell, he does his promo like if he's doing an elementary book report; boring, slow, and lacking appeal. His wrestling puts people to sleep. Baron Corbin is essentially a human Jigglypuff. #BaronCorbinIsAHumanJigglypuff [I bet that .com is not taken either.]

So why would WWE, of all the pro wrestling organizations out there, decided to give Baron Corbin, of all people, a Push from Hell? For the dumbest reason ever! WWE thinks that Baron Corbin...is attractive to women.



I would use a pic of Baron Corbin and ask you all if you think he's attractive, but I'm afraid to do so because I think putting a pic of Baron Corbin up would shut this site down due to the sheer lack of interest and how boring he is. Seriously if I put a pic up, the servers will systematically shut down and go to sleep, that's how boring he is!

Now to make matters worse Corbin received an infamous "King" gimmick, for winning this year's King Of The Ring. The title gimmick can be crappy depending on who it is that has it. For example: King Haku: Great but does not come with crown as illustrated. King Hacksaw Jim Duggan: not so much. Currently King Baron Corbin had a craptastic moment by pouring dog food all over Roman Reigns. Not only was it made cringeworthy, but it had fans turning off their TV while taking to Social Media that they wanted this for a Gooker. [If not asleep that is.]

2. Shorty G: Chad Gable, an Olympic wrestler who competed in the 2012 London Summer Olympics, signed up with WWE and became one of a great tag-team known as "American Alpha" with his partner, Gooker nominee Jason "I'm Kurt Angle's son" Jordan. Both of them had great success as a team. UNFORTUNATELY WWE hates Tag Teams because they want to push INDIVIDUALS. So WWE broke the team up.

While Jason went off to embrace his "Dad", Chad just became...nothing. That is until his royal boringness King Baron Corbin showed up and gave him a new nickname: Shorty Gable, or Shorty G. See? Baron Corbin's boringness is contagious! He bored the career death of Chad Gable! #BaronCorbinIsAHumanJigglypuff

3. Crown Jewel 2019: Last year's Gooker returns in an attempt to be the first ever back-to-back Gooker winner. Admittedly this year's Crown Jewel was considered to be better than last year. However, what makes it a Gooker nominee this time was behind-the-scenes drama. The "story" has it that Vinnie Mac pulled the live feed because the current leader of the country, Mohammad bin Salman, has not paid WWE for their previous live events. Everything was resolved let's move on.

Or not! The "story" then continues that most of the WWE stars were held because of MBS while other people in private jets like Brock Lesnar, Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon took off leaving the other talent stranded. Of course I said "story" because there was another side to it claiming all of that never happened and it was just a technical issue. It was never proven which side was correct or not because none of the WWE talent never said anything about it, except for Karl Anderson's wife who said on Twitter that he will never be coming back to Saudi Arabia. Anyways. Whichever is the right side or not caused a mass delay for the following Smackdown.

4. WWE2K20: A first time a video game is nominated. WWE decided that this time they decided to go with a different video game publisher to make their video games and what they got was the stuff of broken video game legends. Currently this game is being compared to another bad game, Fallout 76, as the worst video game of all time! Social Media wise there were GIFs and pics that were spread all over about the game's constant bugs and botches. As proof, my saved pic of the game's Becky Lynch, seen here trying to be the female Fiend:



That is basically how bad the game is. Screwed up bugs, crappy scripting, and more that I couldn't even tell you what was going on because I don't have the knowledge of the video game business, but I do know someone that does! Youtuber Matt McMuscles provided a complete detail of how this game could become a potential Gooker winner:



[As someone with said aforementioned knowledge of the video game business - at least in the present day anyway - this one gets my vote. There's a reason games usually voted on as the awfullest or worst of their year often get a lot of coverage due to their notoriety. Usually this also includes the shenanigans encountered in making the game as bad as it is. This is something ridiculously evident here in droves, staring with the switch to a new developer with little experience on the series, which is itself deeply stagnated in look and game play. Wow, art imitating life here eh. 

From there things compounded and kept growing. People who may not have been aware of what was being shared online may have finally noticed when supposed 'signed' special editions shipped without autographed photos. If you got the game running past the bugs morphing the characters into monsters if not acting possessed, you get environments and settings looking 20 years out of date, to the point where the new year made it literally unplayable

Yes, 2K20 became Y2K20 20 years too late.

There were worse released games that year of which the game is in 'good' company with, but this one is definitely in my opinion the most high profile, and should be recognized as such and learned from, no matter the source or location. It's like if someone thought to make a movie based on one of the best known musicals around and turned it into good old fashioned nightmare fuel

...Although now I'm fearful that I've gone and done it yet again. If 2K makes DLC where you fight as an anthropomorphized animal, you'll know where they got that idea from.

Sorry about that.

On the other hand either one could create JigglyKing Corbin that the Rage is all the rage about. Silver lining?

#BaronCorbinIsAHumanJigglypuff

5. The Fall of Ring Of Honor: In the 20 years that WrestleCrap and The Gooker have been around this is the FIRST time that Ring of Honor has received nomination. This is especially damning considering that TNA/Impact hasn't had one in the past two years. That is awfully terrifying.

ROH has always had some shrapnel to it in recent years since their major broadcasting partner, Sinclair Broadcasting, had been linked to pro-right news manipulation like Fox News. This particular story however began in December 2018, when most of their major stars including The Young Bucks and So Cal Uncensored, left the company, leaving behind...not a whole lot of stars. There was Marty Scurll and...I think that's it? As attendance continues to reduce drastically their problems continue to get worse. Joey Mercury, who used to work with ROH as an agent, told some horrible stories on Social Media, like the awful treatment of wrestlers and even their business partner of the time New Japan. There are now people wondering if The Ratings Reaper will be claiming Ring Of Honor now instead of Impact. [That depends on how drunk Blade is currently.]

6. The Librarians: So what happened to The Young Bucks? Well in 2019 they, along with Cody Rhodes, Kenny Omega, and NFL Eecutive of the Jacksonville Jaguars Tony Khan went to create a new pro wrestling organization: All Elite Wrestling. In their short time AEW has created some potential nominees like The Nightmare Collective (Cody's wife, Brandi Rhodes, creates a women's stable with Awesome Kong with it and they cut off the hair of defeated opponents for no good reason), The Dark Order (A cult-like stable whose followers were described by one Facebook poster as "failed gimps from Pulp Fiction" where they got noticed due to this), and AEW Dark's rotating color commentary seat (Seriously just listen and watch to the episodes Arn Anderson & Dustin Rhodes did; while Arn was bad in a boring way, Dustin became the new Art O'Donnell with saying in every other sentence "I want to go to the Private Party").

Out of all of them though the one that became a Gooker nominee were The Librarians. They didn't start on AEW, but on The Young Bucks popular Youtube vlog "Being The Elite". There The Bucks admitted that they "had to" create a librarian character and they both knew that the character was rather pointless. When you admit that your character sucks already then it does not bode well for them. The Bucks even did an internet contest with wrestlers submitting online videos to promote themselves why they wanted to be The Librarian. I said Librarian singular, because at the time there was supposed to be only one librarian character. In the end they chose two people as The Librarian. One was Leva Bates, who was widely known as an indie women's wrestlers known for her cosplay hobby and her appearances in NXT as..."Blue Pants Girl". (*sigh* I hate that name.) The other was a unknown NWA wrestler (way before NWA came back with "NWA Powerrr") named Peter Avalon, who was best known for being a pile of cheat heat getting and wrestling sucking, among other failings. (That could be my opinion on Peter Avalon though I'm not quite sure about that.) Thus, one became two.

The Librarians are basically jobbers to the stars, but in my opinion I don't think they deserve a Gooker. Avalon being a cheap Barry Horowitz wannabe makes it definitely deserve it just for himself, but Bates brought some good entertainment on the side of things that redeems it.

[Note that they are not to be confused with the Co-Librarians of this fine site. Not unless Ms. Bates gets in touch with us. This is assuming I remember what our contact location is at. Perhaps, if she is reading this, she can let us know somehow.]

7. The 2019 WWE Draft: WWE couldn't keep Smackdown on USA Network any longer so they shopped around and...Fox Sports was the winner?! So they did the Draft which included the stupid "Wildcard Rule" and the humorous picture of a meeting room filled with people including, of all things, the mascot for Fox's NFL programming.

8. Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins at Hell In A Cell: Let's get this out of the way. Seth Rollins had an awful 2019. In that year he did weird AF toy commercials, his girlfriend Becky Lynch outed their relationship to the world to use it as ammunition in a Twitter feud with Edge, he was embarrassed by The Kliq, Brock Lesnar beat the respect and manhood out of him, and he had a feud with Bray Wyatt.

Bray has been a recent magnet to all things Gooker but it looked like he made it clear with his new gimmick in the "Firefly Fun House". Unfortunately for Rollins it made him look bad. Bray's new "alter ego" as "The Fiend" not only made Rollins look like he wet his pants in one encounter but their Hell In A Cell match was...ugh! The match was covered in The Fiend's signature red lighting, good for creating terror but not good in a wrestling match. The ending of that match was very controversial. While The Fiend used a Harley Quinn-esque, cartoon sized, giant hammer to hurt Rollins, Rollins got...Triple H's best buddy in the whole wide world, MR. SLEDGEHAMMER! In that moment the referee rang the bell to end the match...which was No DQ.

Needless to say the fans were pissed off! I personally think Triple H had his heart broken when he saw Mr. Sledgehammer so he called the match to end. It took them two days to figure out an explanation to that match. TWO DAYS!

9. The Bennett's Pregnancy Mess: So real life married couple Mike and Maria Kanellis-Bennett had re-signed their WWE contracts, giving them a storyline to reflect on Maria's status of being pregnant with Mike's baby. Which is...that the baby isn't Mike's and he's a limp-dick loser? Huh? Then The Bennetts got removed from TV due to her pregnancy followed by Mike claiming he wants out of his WWE contract? Wha...? If "rumors" are true then their actual story had been transferred to...

10: The Lana/Rusev Love Triangle of Eternal Torment 2: Lashley Fever: Guess who's back? Lana and her hubby Rusev, that's who! The previous 2015 Gooker winners of a love triangle with Dolph Ziggler are doing another love triangle with...Bobby Lashley? Uh...Yeah. Long story short, Lana accuses Rusev of being a no-diddly good cheater and a sex addict and wants some of Lashley's BBC. So Lana wants a WWE divorce just before revealing Lashley made her pregnant.



The divorce happens and Lana overacts terribly. She overacts so much she's actually butt-hurt over the complaints she received on Social Media. Yes, it does gets worse from here. Now Lana and Lashley are getting married in the worst WWE wedding ever! Just how bad was it? Well after couple of wedding interruptions, Liv Morgan came back saying she was in lesbians with Lana! Now where have I seen that before? Hrm... Nope! No idea.

Oh by the way, RVM Kai mentioned to me that he hoped when Liv Morgan returns he hopes she doesn't end up like Emmalina. Too late.

Then Rusev pops out of a cake, no seriously he does, and goes a-squashing. By the way, this is still ongoing AND it was rumored to be for Mike and Maria Bennett before they left TV. Did they dodge a bullet on that one or what?!

This is my choice for Gooker and the odds-on favorite. Also this is being heavily criticized not by us the pro wrestling fans, but by EVERYONE! This Gooker nomination has gone plaid! Even CM Punk took his complaint to Twitter saying WWE needed to hire a LGBTQ sensitive writer. [I'm worried Vince would read that as BBQ writer and perhaps try to hire back JR.] If this wins it will be historic. It will make Lana and Rusev 2-time Gooker winners, which will them tie with Hornswoggle, but it will make the first ever winners to win WITH THE SAME STORYLINE of Love Triangles that never, ever stop causing us eternal torment!!! Make it stop, please!

You've got until January 11th to vote for what was the worst of them all. So go ahead and vote!

#BaronCorbinIsAHumanJigglypuff