Episode 59: Holy Keyhole!: September 25, 2022

The Impractical Joker
November 16, 1966
"The Joker pulls off a string of key-related pranks throughout Gotham City, then with his magic box, proceeds to snatch a priceless jeweled key right under the noses of Batman and Robin. The Dynamic Duo wise up to his ways and thwart him at their next encounter. However, the Joker has more devious plans to do away with them both before his final caper."
64 minutes

RD: Not a well known hypnotist. He probably doesn't even own any apartment buildings!

Vince watched Orange Cassidy and Jade Cargill appear on the MLB Network, since it's also owned by Turner. Excuse me, Time Warner. Excuse me, Warner Bros. Discovery.  He wonders if there could have been other wrestlers more appropriate for the appearance, regardless of availability. Like me RD loves Cassidy's lazy character.

Vince wrote six pages from watching. RD couldn't find anything noteworthy on the original air date.

"Another bright, brisk morning" is a good time for the Joker to rob a bookstore, a music store, and "the ultra-conservative" Gotham City Key Club. This prompts Vince to be confused between microfiche and microfish. 

At Stately Wayne Manor Bruce is teaching Dick...something about the Rock of Gibraltar. 

THEN cut to Gordon's Office. (:12) The two stumble onto uncovering that "the malevolent mischief maker" is behind the "capricious capers" including defacing the Keystone building. As incompetent as the two policemen are, you can't help but enjoy the two actors trying their hardest not to break out laughing at their lines.
O'Hara: "You still don't think we should call the Caped Crusader?"
Gordon: "When books, records and files are involved, Chief O'Hara, I think that we should try to tackle the problem ourselves, but...when it comes to tampering with the buildings of our fine city...we have no other choice."

THEN cut to Stately Wayne Manor. Alfred wants to cover for his employer while he's having a reprieve from crimefighting. "Let me answer [the Batphone] for you. I can always think up a bit of a 'taradiddle'." But Bruce decides to help anyway. Vince wishes he could cut a promo on Gordon when he hears what he wants this time. 

Gordon has all the HQ building keys on his desk, along with a skeleton key shaped like an actual skeleton.
Robin: "Holy vertebroth!"
Batman: "A macabre little opener." 
There's also a little handwritten rhyme from Joker. O'Hara thinks it has to do with their case. Batman gives him a polite little clap for using his brain ever so slightly. He thinks there is a connection to billionaire Angus Ferguson and his valuable key collection. RD wonders if he is jealous since he just a boring multimillionaire. Gordon pretends that he was also thinking the same thing.
Robin: "Holy keyring!" 

In his lair Joker is trying various keys to open up a music box while his lady Cornelia looks on in a proto-Batgirl outfit annoying him to no end. (:19)
Vince: "He seems to be very smitten with his box and not so much with hers."
Joker says he made the box from some very random stuff. His goal is one of Angus' keys and all its jewels within.

Angus is at Gotham Tower in the midst of a gathering in progress to prove to the Dynamic Duo that he is in fact Scottish, but not a true one: "Help yourself to a dochan doris! It's a breath of heather from my Brewster, by golly!"
Usually D&Ds are offered when leaving (as literally a drink of the door) not arriving.
Batman politely declines, telling Robin wondering who "Doch and Dorris" are that it can also mean stirrup cup. Thus he figures something is up. 

Walking amongst and standing out from the other guests in their outfits, they see the "key for the Bastille cell block" of the Man in the Iron Mask. Robin wonders where Angus got his wealth from. Batman: "A golden key opens every lock."
The McGuffin Key is a huge one left behind a curtain and unattended, perfect for the Joker to come up, put it in his box, and leave...as the Duo just watch him do it. 

Vince once worked with George Kennedy and got along very well with him. RD's uncle Burt Reynolds loved being in Wrestlemania. 

The Duo go back to the Office where Angus also is, threatening to sue the City for $8,000,523 "and a threepenny bit". To the Duo: "You'll hear from my law agent before you can say Jack McRobinson, you two muttonheads! After I'd even offered you a wee dochan doris!" Vince wondered if he should have called the Undynamic Duo muttonheads instead...after he looks up the meaning of the word 'mutton'.
Gordon: "Gotham City still holds you in great esteem, Dynamic Duo. The word 'muttonhead' was quite unfortunate."

At Wayne Manor the news reports are all over the Duo fucking up despite Gordon saying they were just "merely ineffective". Even worse: Bruce and Dick can't watch The Green Hornet because Joker intercepts the airwaves to taunt and give them a clue. So they go to the Batcave.

Batman admires Joker's "twisted honesty" and for once being a "well known hypnotist" who was able to pause their movement with his box. Even among his origins being multiple choice/Red Hood, this aspect has never been seen before or after this story. RD finds the 20k member strong National Guild of Hypnotists

The Duo hypothesize he will next Franchine's Fancy Fur Salon, where Cornelia is trying some.
I'll take three or four of these, and a couple of gorilla's."
Joker: "I think you mean chinchilla, Cornelia. One of the rarest and most costly of furs."
The Duo try to "hide" behind mannequins while observing then leap out to attack. Joker's box doesn't work since they took their "Counter Hypnosis Batpellets" (so caffeine then?), so he has to call in his goons (Latch and Bolt among others) for a short scuffle with his obvious stunt double. He manages to flee but his box is broken. 

Back at the Batcave Alfred offers the Duo breakfast. (:43) Batman is inspired to check a massive phone book in the Batcomputer. This leads them to...an apartment.

RD has never had spam before. The food, not bad emails. The wife does not like cherries for some reason. 

Cornelia compliments Joker's apartment. He complains she is only looking at the mirrors.
Joker: "Vanity is a waste of time. I never look at myself in the mirror."
Cornelia: "Well I'm younger! And a girl!"
He sees the Duo's stunt doubles pull up and wall climb.

The Co-Bros have no idea at first who the window celebrity is. Howard Duff's Sam Stone (a play on when he did Sam Spade on the radio) was the main character in the concurrently running crime drama The Felony Squad.
Stone: "Sometimes a fast gun has the edge on a fast Batrope."
(Duff would later appear in Season 3, but not as the same character.)

The Duo jump in the apartment surprising Cornelia: "May I ask who's calling?" She goes to check for her "uncle."
Robin: "I'm afraid this could be a trap, Batman."
Batman: "He who know how to fear, Robin, knows how to proceed with safety. A translation from the Latin."
Then she opens the trapdoor beneath their feet, sending them down a giant slide. 

Joker has Batman in a vice in the process of becoming a human key. (:56)
Batman: "A grown man like me should be prepared to meet his maker at any time. But not a boy like Robin."
Joker plans to have Robin sprayed with wax like he was the Batmobile.

Joker: "Have you a last word for posterity?"
Batman: "Only this, Joker: Evil sometimes triumphs temporarily, but never conquers!"
Joker: "If I have time, Batman, I'll see that that is properly engraved on your tombstone." 

The Bros wonder if Cornelia will change so they can better judge her on their Batpoles.
Vince: "Who's on top of the leaderboard? Jolene? Is it Jolene?" 

WWF Magazine Vince's young son Will once played a young Undertaker.

  • Special Guest Villain: The Joker [5] (Cesar Romero) [5]
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Our show, straying way out of where they should be
  • Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Howard Duff

Episode 58: Holy Boo!: September 18, 2022

Deep Freeze
November 10, 1966
"The press continues to attack Batman and Robin, thanks to framing by Mr. Freeze. As public animosity mounts, the Dynamic Duo decide to hang up their capes for the time being. But when Mr. Freeze demands the impossible sum of one billion dollars, or else he will cover all of Gotham City with ice, the Caped Crusaders feel compelled to go back into action to foil the frosty villain."
57 minutes

RD: Bow to the Brows! His camera is off as he prepares his "wild" orange eyebrows. 

Vince recently recorded another podcast on how Batman may have killed off The Munsters (TV shows, not the actual characters...I think). 

The Narrator takes six hours to summarize for some reason. 

Robin whines, vowing to visit a Turkish Bath after their escape. RD wonders if he's being euphemistic. Batman asks him to kick around at the bottom of the vats. He knows about the steam in a Turkish Bath's pipes because of course he does. RD: "I suppose he spent some time in the Middle East." Well, obviously; he did train under Ra's Al Ghul after all (once he got around to being created in '71). 

Elsewhere Freeze is rather sad that he got rid of the Duo so quickly. He tells goon Chill to get his instant camera for "the greatest ice crime in history that will destroy all of Gotham City in a few minutes" and finally bring Miss Iceland down to his temperature.
Miss Iceland: "Never! Not if I live to be a hundred... below zero."
Freeze: "You're stubborn but you're beautiful. ... Wild!"

Vince has never heard the word "bemoan" before. 

Meanwhile the Duo manage to escape off-camera to the Batcave. (:13) In the Gotham City Herald: "Commissioner's Stolen Watch On Batman's Wrist!"
Robin: "Holy distortion!"
Batman: "Although the newspaper clearly indicated this photograph came from an anonymous source, and that could quite possibly be a fake, the great majority of the people will only look at the photograph and not read the text."
Alfred: "An unfortunate failing of the masses, sir!"
Batman: "Time to just hang up the cowl!"
He plans the people to think they have retired with the use of a "run-out powder" so that they can entrap Freeze. Aunt Harriet needs Bruce and Dick to run an errand for her in town anyway, so they somberly walk to the Batpoles to surface. 

Majors is already in Gordon's office pelting him with much questioning. Gordon tries to run out of time.
Majors: "No, you don't have time. At least not wristwatch time! Maybe you better ask Batman the time of day. Isn't he wearing your watch?"
O'Hara has to dismiss her for some reason. "Back to your typewriters!" But Gordon laments: "the terrible tide of adverse opinion may soon engulf our Caped Crusader!"

Almost immediately someone takes their Batman poster out of a drugstore window which also includes what RD thinks is a bong (in the store front, not the poster). A kid seeing this boos Batman before walking off past Bruce and Dick.
Bruce: "Nothing has ever cut me so deeply to the quick. No blow ever struck by any arch-villain has ever hurt me so acutely as that little boy's boo."

In the lair Freeze plans to "wild" freeze the city if he doesn't get one...BILLION...dollars. He rubs the eyebrow rather than put a pinkie to his lips, but the point still stands. 

...yet only now do they actually check if the Duo are actually "freezies for Goliath". 

Shockingly Gordon starts saying "wild" in his office upon hearing the demands...to Bruce and Dick who are just there. Did they go to report that booing child? Bruce tells Gordon not to underestimate Freeze. 

To show his seriousness Freeze "blackmails" them to see a demonstration conveniently right now: by freezing all the waterworks. This doesn't deter the same sargeant of the day before who thinks the waterworks employees are all drunk. Hard cut to a news anchor reporting on the city suddenly going to hell. And they didn't even have to cut off the bridges first

A delighted Freeze thus plans to go to Switzerland with his Mrs., but he has to freeze her first since for some reason she's still not wanting to go along with him. Vince wonders why she didn't use the a shag carpet rug in her cell as a cover. RD wonders how freezing her would change her mind, let alone how it would help their relationship. 

The Undynamic Duo do the important job of...standing around and watching the news. Obviously they can't pay the ransom but what would Freeze gain out of this? Gordon thinks it is revenge for his condition. Yet they have yet to call the Duo for help.
Gordon: "I never thought it could happen. But like so many of us, I... I'm afraid I've lost faith."

Then after the break we suddenly see the Dynamic Duo out and about in the Batmobile like it's just a regular day driving to the lair. According to Batman a bad rep is one thing, but a threat of a frozen city is another. (:34) They climb up the building but only see "stooges" instead of window celebrities. Batman demonstrates his strength by bending a TV antenna to disrupt the signal.

Freeze: "What's the matter? First the commentator said the stock market went kaput and now the TV set went kaput. How else will I know if I get the billion dollars or if I have to destroy Gotham City?"

Goon Frosty heads up to the roof to check, allowing Batman to ambush him with a hammer to the head.
Batman: "That should straighten out your antennae!"

The Co-Bros have fond memories of their satellite dishes.

The Duo finally re-encounter their opponent.
Freeze: "Batman? But... but, but, but you were supposed to be a famous frosty freezie by now."
Batman: "Exactly what we wanted you to believe!"
Freeze then points to the frozen Miss Iceland.
Miss Iceland: "Batttt...mannnnn..."
Robin: "Why you... beast. You sinful beast!"
Batman: "You're inhuman. An absolute demon."
Freeze: "Inhuman? Demon? Wild!"
Cue the stunt doubles in the fight, in which the Duo are corralled into Miss Iceland's cell. Freeze has to come back later to finish them off, which went so well last time.
Thankfully Robin has his thermal underwear while gesturing with his bare arms. 

Freeze calls Gordon to gloat he has the Duo captured and gives them a very exact 26 minutes. This important call done with, he returns to the cell to freeze ray the Duo, but of course they are unharmed.
Batman: "We took the precaution of processing our crimefighting costumes with a special Bat-Anti-Freeze-Activating solution."
Robin: "And rubbed some on the rest of our bodies."
Cue second fight, where someone throws an ice pick at Paul to use as a tripwire. The goons are locked shut in the cell despite the door being blown earlier (Batman has to adhere the breech before hand). Freeze's collar is broken so they have to put him in the cell also.

More importantly Miss Iceland is released. Cue Batman rubbing her extremely hard. (Ahem.)
Miss Iceland: "Oh Batman, what can I ever do to thank you?"
Robin: "Thank the judges of the Miss Galaxy Beauty Contest, Miss Iceland. They agreed to postpone the final event until you were found."

Vince gives Miss Iceland a very cold 2 Batpoles since she was more old enough to be Mrs. Iceland. RD is of course shocked at his colleague's rationale, his lowest by far. RD thought she was glamorous and figured even with too much makeup, giving her 7.5. Vince doesn't want any woman above 30 on the show for some reason. Feel free to make your own joke here.

38 year old Dee Hartford was once a model...in the late 40s. Her sister Eden was married to Groucho Marx for 15 years  (Dee herself was married to Howard Hawks for seven years) and through him she found most of her work with Irwin Allen, including being an android in Lost In Space.  

In the Office (:49) Batman reminds Warden Crichton about Freeze's temperature despite the Commissioner wanting him to boil.
Batman: "A brother's sufferings claim a brother's pity, gentlemen."
Robin: "Holy epigrams!"
Batman: "No, truisms. No man is really all bad."
Then the Duo have to go to the Miss Galaxy contest.
Robin: "I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides, beauty contests are practically an American institution."
Batman: "You see gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable." 

As they leave the booing kid from earlier is there to see him, moving Batman. He vigorously rubs the boy's head before they go to the elevator.

Gordon: "False pride is indeed a dangerous thing, Chief O'Hara."
O'Hara: "False pride? We were talking about beauty contests."
Gordon: "I'm talking about myself. How hard it is to admit when I'm wrong, but I was wrong, so wrong, [To the camera] when I ever even imagined I was losing my faith in Batman."

RD has to entertain the people. Naturally he puts all the blame on Vince. 

RD reminds us that the 80s were a weird time

Rupert's Kids Arcade has started doing 50% off fundraisers.


  • Special Guest Villain: Mr. Freeze [2] (Otto Preminger)

  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Wild off-camera.
  • Entertain The People: 1
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD 
  • Wild: Salmon

Episode 57: Holy Wild!: September 11, 2022

Green Ice
November 9, 1966
"Mr. Freeze is in town, and has begun a new cold wave of terror. He launches "Operation Hate Batman," framing the Caped Crusader as taking a bribe and dressing his own henchmen as Batman and Robin. As the negative press mounts, Mr. Freeze works on his plan to turn the Dynamic Duo into human Frosty Freezies."
55 minutes

RD: Shut Up About WILD. He took Jr on a road trip to his first (AEW) PPV. He found the whole kerfuffle with Punk "interesting" but thought Tony Khan should have been more assertive in handling him. Vince reminds bookers not to befriend talent. RD wonders if this includes them. "Speaking of talent," Mr. Freeze is probably the first to show attraction to ladies, which will be hilarious when later tales have his whole impetus to save his wife Nora. RD: "Man's gotta have priorities." 

A "beastly hot day" is still a good temperature for the Miss Galaxy beauty pageant. RD would have voted for Miss Barrier Reef. However before any judging can be done, Mr. Freeze and his goons come in to kidnap Miss Iceland and blow a kiss to the others.

O'Hara comes into Gordon's office all wet with sweat while his boss is informed about the actions of "that cold-blooded, cold-hearted, callous culprit Mr. Freeze". 
O'Hara: "It seems a pity on a day like this to call out the Caped Crusader."
Gordon: "Fair weather or foul, dog days or a monsoon, who else can we call in such a crisis? And who else will answer?"
O'Hara: "Maybe Batman will welcome the air conditioning."
They then look up into the roof's giant vents to see Mr. Freeze standing inside looking down upon them.
Mr. Freeze: "I wonder iv Batmen will welcome the air conditioning!"
He then freezes the entire office with his freeze ray.
Alfred answers the call with a yawn: "naturally, sir." Bruce picks up.
Gordon: "Batttt...help..."
Bruce: "The commissioner...I think he was trying to tell me something."

After the titles (:13) Mr. Freeze is in an ice cream truck across the street of Police HQ. Knowing the reporters will be following the Duo he tells his goons Chill and Shivers to prepare themselves with a "wild". 

Gordon's doors are iced and snowed shut.
Robin: "Holy polar front!"
A police sergeant thinks the two "policemen" have already frozen to death.
Batman (nonchalant): "A negative view point sergeant; man has nothing without hope."
He blows up the door with plastique as the Undynamic Duo slip and slide all over the place. The Dynamic Duo try to warm Gordon by throwing a cape around his shoulders slapping him. To be fair I would slap him too even if he wasn't cold.

As Freeze tries to flirt with his captive, the Bros note how well the makeup did to make Otto Preminger look as hideous as possible, complete with giant orange eyebrows. 

Gordon wakes up, blessed to be rescued by his one true love. (No wonder in the storylines he's usually divorced.) "No matter how thick the battle, no matter how heavy the frost, no matter who you really are, or where you ever come from, I knew I could count on you Batman!" 

They manage to fix the office just as the first reporters arrive on the scene, among them "Nellie Majors, Gotham City Herald, as if you didn't know."  Vince wonders if she was at the PPV/scrum.
Oddly they have to inform the unaware Batman of the earlier kidnapping.
Robin: "Mr. Freeze might be involved."
Batman: "Robin! Since when do we make public accusations without strong solid proof? Robin's indiscreet statement is strictly off the record."
Majors: "I've seen many heroes tarnished in the course of my career."
Gordon: "Nellie! I will not have you talk to the Caped Crusaders that way!"
Majors: "Oh you too Commissioner! Do you have something to hide?"
RD wonders why she wasn't working with Freeze with that line of questioning. 

Suddenly someone wonders in with a giant block of the titular green ice - dollar bills - for Batman for "Incidental Crime Expenses".
Majors wonders if it is a giant bribe. "Your mask seems to make for an excellent blindfold!"
Batman requests to donate it directly to the police since they haven't heard of a thing called money laundering (...among other things).
"It's not your fault Commissioner. And certainly don't blame Miss Majors'. [To the camera] A reporter's lot is not easy. Making exciting stories out of plain, average, everyday people like Robin and me..."

Sadly Freeze's lair is not the truck, but the Frosty Freezies cold storage plant, where he is in the midst of planning Operation Hate Batman. (:26) Quote he: "wild." He reads and praises Majors' article in the paper, but doesn't go any further with her involvement in his schemes. Miss Iceland is imprisoned next to a giant thermometer, where he plans to accustom her to -50 degrees. 

Vince raises a good point. (I know.) If Batman is to be investigated for any potential shady dealings, why has there been no reporting of the time a woman fell to her death in the Batcave's Atomic Pile? 

Then the two goons enter dressed up as the Duo. "I'm Batman!" says the one. RD was sad it was not the usual stunt doubles. 

In the Batcave the Duo use their Batanalyzer to determine that more 'bribes' will be involved. You don't say.
Alfred: "Knowing first things come first, sir, I waited until the last possible moment before interrupting your important computations, but the guests will be arriving shortly."
Batman: "Guests?"
Alfred: "Yes sir, the poolside reception this evening. For the Bruce Wayne Foundation."
Robin: "Holy tuxedo! If we're late, Aunt Harriet will kill us!" 
Batman: "'Kill' is not a word to be bandied about haphazardly Robin. Angry, yes. As well she might be if we're late. Don't forget we've placed the entire burden of this reception on her stout unselfish shoulders."

This is the first we see of the stately poolside in the series. Newly reelected mayor Linseed tells pushup bra-ed Aunt Harriet how thrilled he is to be at "Stately Wayne Manor".
Harriet: "I originally planned to have it all 'Japanesy'. But the caterer called and said I should really do it Irish because green was most becoming to women guests. I even have the reflection pool died green."
Gordon: "Mrs. Cooper is a clever Colleen, Bruce."
O'Hara: "Who'd a thought it? A wee bit of the Emerald Isle right outside o' Gotham City."

Vince once lived in a log cabin in Indiana next to a catfish filled lake and had a very powerful blue dye. 

This is the perfect opening for the caterer to appear, who is of course Freeze.
Dick: "Let's get him, quick!"
Bruce: "Patience...Dick Grayson."
Some other policeman tries to stop Freeze, so of course he shotgun-style freezes him into standing still while a green halo is superimposed on him. This is so drastic an effect the show immediately cuts to break right in the middle of it.

When we return, Freeze orders his goons to rob the people. O'Hara wants to sneak around but Bruce denies him; better to lose a few "baubles" than risk lives. Cue Gordon making a scene and pleading pathetically on losing "a generous memento given to me by the good folk of Gotham City!" 

Freeze then orders everyone into the reflecting pool so he can freeze them in place. Quote he: "wild." This includes Bruce and Dick, as the "Duo" promptly show up...and collide into each other. RD is not sure if this was better than Ruby Riot falling flat on her face. But they manage to stage their "fight", during which "Robin" stubs his toe before "Batman" punches him. He almost punches Freeze too. Then they all just run off with a "wild", leaving Alfred to thaw out the pool.

Back in the Batcave Alfred has reservations about the Duo's reported reputation.
Batman: "There are other reputations to be considered: Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, Mayor Linseed. None of this looks good for Gotham City."
RD: "Did any of those people have any stellar reputation to begin with?"
Batman also still needs to rescue Miss Iceland. "Her kidnapping seems to have become secondary. A regrettable situation for any young girl."
They do manage to find his prospective lair though.

In the lair Freeze has to reassure his captive that she won't turn into a glacier. Then his goons give him his meal of frozen food. RD wonders how he can eat. Vince thinks he gnaws on it instead of cooking it first. He then hears that the Batmobile is out front, just as the actual Duo enters.
Robin (reading the list of flavors): "Gosh, Batman, dig those flavors: lemon lime, orange, raspberry, pineapple..."
Freeze: "Take your choice, Boy Wonder. Haven't you read the newspapers, Batman, haven't you heard the stories? The public is fickle. You are no longer the great hero of Gotham City. And soon, very soon you'll be hated, despised like me. Wild!"
Cue a very short scuffle that the Duo win. They are so much in their hubris from their superiority that they don't take any sort of precaution to Freeze's freeze ray.

So the Duo find themselves in giant frozen snow cones about to become human Frosty Freezies.

Freeze: "Wild!"

Narrator: "Can zis... eh, I mean this...be happening? Batman being made into a pineapple Frosty Freezie? And Robin into a lime one? Has the diabolical Mr. Freeze out-witted the Dynamic Duo after all? With some fancy ice-work? Hope for a miracle, and stay frozen in your seats! Until tomorrow: same time, same channel!"

RD: "Batman is blue. Since when is pineapple blue?"

RD tells Vince about United Dairy Farmers. Vince has Costco's soft serve. 

Sad News: RD is no longer relying on Patreon support now that he has a new source of revenue. 

  • Special Guest Villain: Mr. Freeze [2] (Otto Preminger)

  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Talent, Her
  • Wild: Minnesota

Episode 56: Holy Bulging Ballot Boxes!: September 4, 2022

Dizzoner the Penguin
November 3, 1966
"The mayoral campaign seems to keep going the Penguin's way, but Batman is still confident despite the polls."
57 minutes

RD: Random Sampling Error. He is still casting his vote for Pengy. Vince got confused by the title. He gives himself applause. RD's check is to clear today. Vince gives him applause. 

Jimmy Hendrix once opened for the Monkees (when he was alive of course). Micky Dolenz follows Vince on Twitter. Former WWE writer and non Monkee Brian Gewirtz recently followed RD. Vince's first concert was Sonny & Cher at 8 years ago. RD saw Sammy Hagar and Krokus at 14. 

The Narrator implies the Penguin was a pimp to draw in support. (:08) RD: "Perhaps Penguin's last name was Moolah." Robin became a "political liability", as if he isn't already every other week. This is why Superman works alone.

For some reason the scale the Duo are in stops moving as it should. Batman apologizes for not preparing for the goons - so he wraps his cape around and throws himself down, throwing Robin out of the scale. Batman is of course completely unscathed due to Alfred's acid-proof "costume". Robin: "Holy coffin nails!" 

Meanwhile at Penguin Campaign HQ, the girls show him their buttons. Campaign buttons, I mean. RD notes the similarity to the same scene in Batman Returns.

Sadly the girls won't feature any further in the story so RD has them rated. (:14) Vince gives them all 7 Batpoles anyway due to their "generic" similarity.

  • The one with the most airtime is the short blonde Lulu. RD gives her 7.5. Cindy Malone only additionally appeared in Bewitched and Love, American Style, but is the niece of Spike Jones. 
  • Redhead "Penguin Girl #2" got a 7. Judy Parker was a songwriter of renown and was married to Bob Gaudio of The Four Seasons.
  • RD refuses to rate taller blonde "Penguin Girl #3" because Linda Meyers looked 13. This was also her only acting role.

A goon reports that the Duo have escaped. Penguin: "FAWWWWW! Faw on him! Well, he's not smearful!" He prepares to try and defeat him again at their debate. 

At the Batcave Alfred applies makeup to JFK Batman while he's still wearing his mask, while Robin wonders why they're going through with a debate barely two hours after trying to kill him. (:19) Batman sadly has no proof to give to the Fair Campaigns Practices Committee. It's not as if he could take a photo or anything from a Batgadget or other. 

Cue the debate. Penguin gives his "solemn word" to not mud-sling "unless my opponent does it", but he still wonders about the "acrobatic clown" that hides a "dangerous criminal". He's always seen with fellow criminals after all! This is totally unlike the Penguin, who's always surrounded by the police as "an associate of the law". 

Gordon listening in (any excuse to not do his job huh?) is furious. O'Hara: "He's as crooked as a warped shillelagh!" 

Penguin: "Now, which man do you want to run Gotham City? A man like myself who is always in the company of the law, or a man like Batman who rubs elbows with the worst elements of this city and who is undoubtedly a desperate criminal himself?"

As Batman tries to respond, the Penguin's goons hijack the feed to cover his words with a Pengy campaign song. Robin breaks in to call out Penguin (which is apparently something anyone can do in the City's debates). Penguin replies to the "Wonder Midget" that he has his fanbase that he can entertain instead of bore. 

The debate is interrupted again by some breaking news: the Convention Hall is being robbed. Gordon has to shout at his vacant eyed deputy to get over there. Batman also goes, as does "Citizen Penguin to the rescue!"

Jack Benny's announcer Don Wilson as reporter Walter "Cronkite" Klondike is already at the scene at "one of the greatest robberies of all time", as are the candidates by the time O'Hara shows up. Before the chief can really get going complaining about the Penguin, Klondike has to cut to pioneer game show host Dennis James as Chet "Huntley" Chumley. He has a chalkboard tracking the tallies of Batman and the Penguin's takedowns, including a rather modern table spot. (Robin can't do much because he strained his hand after punching someone.) Password host (and Betty White's husband) Allen Ludden as David "Brinkley" Dooley tries to talk to them in the middle of combat. Well, Batman is actually fighting, while Penguin is reminding his henchmen to follow their spots. Then David is knocked down to the ground: "I'm here live on the convention floor." Penguin has a higher count (7) because obviously the Dark Knight (1) is in "cahoots" with his criminal peers. 

Batman: "Nobody likes a loser, Robin." 

At Batman Campaign HQ, the two Duos and Linseed learn Penguin is still leading at 65%.
Batman: "I think you underestimate the good citizens of Gotham City, chief. ... Elections are not won by polls, commissioner. They're won by votes, at least in this country."
Then Klondike starts reporting the actual returns, with Batman doing better than expected. (:33)
Penguin responds by calling Gordon: "I just want to tell you you're not to worry about your job. See, I'm appointing the Riddler new commissioner of police. And you tell that Irish stooge of yours that his next job will be shining the shoes of the new police chief: the Joker!"
Gordon: "The terrible thing is, in a few short hours, that mangy bird may be my boss..."
Then Klondike notes that Batman is gaining ground due to votes from "the Indians" in the west.
The three pollsters show up to an enraged Penguin. "You three blowhards told me I couldn't lose! What's happening?" "The X factor?" one wonders. "Random sampling error?" is another.
Klondike continues to report Batman's closing in.
Batman: "Smart politicians trust the voters, not the polls. After all, if you can't trust the voters, who can you trust?"

In desperation, Penguin plans to kidnap the vote counters to stop the count, but not before hanging up the pollsters on the wall. "I told you not to count those hobos down at the freight yard!" says one. "What about the two sword swallowers and the lady wrestler you turned in?" replies the other. "Nobody will ever listen to us again," bemoans the third.
"Don't worry. We can always get a job rating TV shows."
Cue the three looking up to the camera with huge smiles. 

Penguin quickly captures the counters, and plans to have them work in a morgue, giving a smile to Lulu for some reason. Of course Batman assumed this would happen and that he would have them in his GOON building and they rush over there. He also manages to get Penguin wanting to wring the city dry.
Batman: "You've goofed."
Robin: "No good mayor ever goofs!"
Batman: "You said we were associated with criminals? Well here we are...Pengy." 

The fight is a simple one, though none can compare to the earlier melee. Robin however manages to do a leapfrog over a henchman. Lulu runs off into oblivion. Penguin is boxed up in a Campaign Literature Packager.

Penguin: "Fraud! It's a fraud, I say! I demand a recount!"
Batman: "Don't worry! You'll have another chance...on the convict's committee for Queen Prison government. They're having an election next week. You should arrive just in time to run for chairman."
Robin: "If you need any endorsements, just let us know."

In Gordon's Office, Batman immediately resigns to cede power back to Linseed. Because this too is someone one can do immediately. (:42)
Then the phone rings for the former one day mayor.
Batman: "I'm flattered that your committee should be interested in me as a presidential candidate for 1968. But I'm afraid my Gotham City duties take precedence. I'll definitely let you know if I change my mind."
Robin: "Bulging ballot boxes, Batman, that was some offer!"
The phone rings again.
Batman: "I'm flattered, gentlemen, but I thought your party had a candidate for 1968."
The joke here is that the latter call was from the Democrats, who thought Johnson would run again before he decided not to. Perhaps he should have stayed on, buoyed by the then Republican mayor of New York City...John Lindsay.

Then RD's check bounces. So much for that campaign. 

The Bros loved the entire plot, even with the weak escape, though it would have detracted from the rest of the story. 

RD wrote about Not Gorgeous George Jefferson and Charo on Fantasy Island. Between her and Julie Newmar Vince would choose the latter, as hard a choice as it may be. The Bros wonder about Charo's actual age. 

RD has changes upcoming to the Patreon. 

The video progrem is "far and away" Jeff Lane's favorite show on the service, and he's not even a huge Batman fan.

  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [5] (Burgess Meredith) [5]

  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Smearing
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Acid-proof costume 
  • Window Celebrity: 3. Don Wilson, Dennis James, Allen Ludden
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD