Minisode #163 Carmel Topping

by iggy



December 20, 2009

Don Mason
Gifts for the characters
Gay Popeye
Stubby
Sir Alec
Majorwitz and Ultimate Kennedy give.
Dixie Carter
Johnny Four gets upgraded.
Mike Check awaits Miss Jones
RD & Blade exchange gifts
Angry Jim gives.

#hobo #from kansas

163 Christmas Calls: December 20, 2009

116 minutes

For some reason people are "annoyed" at the annual gift exchanges at these "big year-end editions" which seems quite odd to me. What else would you be tuning in for? Actual wrestling news?

Blade: "This could be a train-wreck."
RD: "Would be no different from every other episode we've ever done."

A Don Mason Story (:09) once again leaves RD speechless when Blade reveals his friend would also use caramel toppings to remove that ever present "salty taste".

Blade recently went north to Chicago (:15) to be the Toxic Avenger at a showing with Troma President Lloyd Kaufmann. The art of signing breasts is discussed. While there Blade was also thought of as a hobo by the local folk. He also met RD again where an attractive skank thought of them as gay lovers. Austin "Gill Man" Gillum sent the Co-Fruitcakes some Jones Pure Cane Soda, the official drink of WrestleCrap Radio! (:31)

For no good reason RD decides to call Gay Popeye, who answers with his musical sting. (:35) He had been gifted some gay sounding book, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

Obscure News. (:38) The Maestro is selling some random items for Christmas. Not to be outdone Val Venus again tries desperately to earn money by selling some out of date consoles, but RD and Blade think of it as just a scam that, again, no one will fall for. The HorseTrolla is ambushed by Stubby, who is jubilant that Mickie James responded to a random tweet of his. Why, pretty soon they'll be steadily dating! (Disclaimer: To my recollection neither myself or Blade have anything to do with the Twitter thing in question.) It's pretty hard for Blade to do his voice though while he constantly keeps laughing throughout.

A convenient call is made to Sir Alec (:63) who answers with HIS theme music. Wait, do ring-tones work that way? He's received some fish-sticks and waffle fries. (I'm just thankful they didn't send him any curry.) His sexual inclination as related to Don Mason is applauded by his faithful audience.

Meanwhile, long penis-ed Erik Majorwitz sent the pair those blasted Jake and Jessie Gymini action figures. (:67) Ultimate Kennedy sent some Hall and Nash ones.

Before we get to TNA 'News' (:73) Dixie Carter is called, getting some gift card to Toys R Us. But it's only for $10, so she quickly cuts them off.

Johnny Four is still stuck on the same news from before so RD upgrades him with a Stern ZPU-1000 chip sent from the Trolla people. But it just makes him waste some running time for the episode before he too meets his fiery end at the hands of RD. (And to think, he doesn't even turn into a smiley face while doing so. What the fuck, man?) This summons in Mike Check, still not 'dead'. Did he ever tell you when he was Matthew Mark Luke? Or when he was in Minneapolis' WICY "Icy 103" as Big Jim Cane hosting The Candy Cane Christmas Carnival? It resulted in him getting a blowjob at a party, though he doesn't say it was his daughter who gave it to him.

Current News. (:94)

Well, with that out of the way let's get to opening some more presents. Robert Q sent Blade some DVDs while RD got some of those Mexican Doritos. Blade further gets his own customized WC hat and a signed playing card of Detroit Lion Dan Orlovsky, while RD gets the Burt Reynolds Troma movie and Christmas with Colonel Sanders.

Speaking of the Colonel, Jim Ross calls in to be the show's expected Scrooge. (:108) He thinks his wife is cheating on him with Hollywood John and Johnny Ace and calls the Bushwhackers Penis Trimmers, which sends RD into bouts of hysterical laughter. Of course, RD 'forgot' to send the man any gift, most likely because he loves to piss him off and see what his response would be.

Sure enough the man doesn't disappoint, singing a 'few bars' against the two to close things out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck yourselves.
Shove it up your fucking ass.
Oh what fun it is to be pissed
When you don't do midnight mass!" 

"Jim!!!"

Merry Christmas, one and all.

Minisode #162 Barnyard Logic

by iggy



December 4, 2009

Luke Gallows, Hobo
Blade Pillman
What time is it, Don?
Melba Toast Black Friday Lady
Pot Luck or Pitch-In?
The BNVampire sells her fangs.
Johnny Four

#we should know #big beautiful friend

162 Barnyard Logic: December 4, 2009

102 minutes (!!!)

It's the third episode in two months, so Blade prepares himself by getting drunk once more. This is furthered even more by mention of a new addition to the WWE roster, a glorified Brakestown clone by the name of Luke Gallows. Gay Popeye calls and the phone is so used to his appearances that it doesn't even ring. RD has to work around slightly to not break the already broken battered and torn kayfabe on the radio progrem. People used to come up to Blade and tell him he looked like Brian Pillman which is the closest the show has had to a joke in a bygone age. There's been no response from Demento yet in their battle. Well don't mention it on here, he might listen and reply again! Blade wants to fuck the radio progrem, if such a thing is even physically possible. I guess we'll find out if one day we start listening to an episode and sperm suddenly starts flooding out of the speakers.

RD meanwhile had taken another TRIP to Disney World (:11) He didn't re-encounter Rafiki sadly, but while waiting for a ride he did see a random skank-ho with large fake ones. Blade does his Bill Paxton impression.

As people have (not) been waiting for, RD took another TRIP for Black Friday (:24) and he has Super Mario based music with him for some reason. Blade didn't go shopping this year, disappointing yet again. I bet that happens to him quite a lot. While at Wal-Mart RD saw an old woman standing in line just so she could buy some Melba Toast. Sadly no one knows if this Melba Toast Black Friday Lady has any relation to Calculator Man. RD also 'met' two women also in the line arguing about some pitch-in/pot luck dinner. And...that's about it this year. Sadly Blade can't do any better with another Don...Don Mason anecdote (:29) in which the man, myth and legend argued with some old woman about the time. Perhaps she was actually Blade in disguise, as he can't keep track of the time either. Gay Popeye calls again. He'd tangled with a man named Black Friday, sent by the Jeep no doubt. That creature is always a trickster.

We finally get some Obscure News 40 minutes into this "three month long" show. December 7th is not just the anniversary of Pearl Harbor but also the birthday of another bomb, Tammy Sytch. (However Blade shows he flunked his history courses when he thinks Pearl Harbor was on the 10th instead.) The Co-Fruitcakes think of what to buy for her by looking at her Amazon Wish List. Among other things they find some random (and kinky sounding) float strap for a camera (sold separately). If I was feeling less tired and more cheeky I'd probably just send her the strap without the camera to attach it too and see what she does with it.

In other news (:50) everyone's favorite Big Nippled Vampire auctioned her fangs online for about $120. That's all. Remember when she was just about the only person the two would talk about for minutes at a time? Ah, the good old days.

Hey, remember former TNA wrestler Moon "Goldy Locks" Shadow? Yeah, me neither. For some reason the Fruitcakes poke around on her site. I like the fact that her web page is titled "Untitled Document" and she hasn't updated the thing in two years. RD listens to a portion of some song of hers and 'writes' some review on iTunes about it.

Pain Fail 1 star out of 5
by WrestleCrap - Dec 3, 2009
Where do I start? I gave up a McDouble and a Carmel Apple Empanada for this song. Now not only am I hungry, but my ears also are hungry for good music. Your music stinks like manure. Why did Jerry Jarrett give you a job outside of dancing in one of those cages. PS - Do you have Lauren's phone number? Your friend, Blade Braxton.

Somewhat faintly connected, Blade needs a thousand dollars to fuck Jasmine St. Claire. Hey, I'd be glad to chip in some.

Continuing on the trend of wrestling has-beens and also-rans Virgil (who still hasn't been kicked in the nuts by Angry Marks) had some rather bizarre interview while at some random con, whereby he tried to hit on his interviewers. (:65) Sir Alec reads the bizarre comments which mock the pathetic perennial jobber. Yep, aim high Virgil!

Seth Drakin returns to ask another Question (6) (:76): which famous announcing teams do you want back on the air? RD is impartial to Gorilla Monsoon and Pete Doherty, while Blade wants either Bruce Britchard, Michael McGuirk and Pete Doherty or Lord James Blears and Rod "TRON" Trongard.

Dixie Carter is now appearing regularly on TNA, so Johnny 4 is summoned to speak his part on that. (:80) Or once again get stuck on the same news of Hogan coming on TNA, who really knows? Of course it could be actual news as well as a glitch; the man has yet to appear on the show, and who can blame him?

RD: 'Is this the longest show we've ever done? It sure feels like it."

No, that would be THIS show. Sure feels hellishly long though.

Current News certainly has a lot to catch up on, so let's get to none of that this week! (:82) The Gooker reappeared some days back, even if the announce teams call it the "Gucker" for some reason. What, is Andrew Dice Claw going to guest host? Blade doesn't like the WWE doing outdated references. That's THEIR job, damnit! The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James is now on Twitter to stop imposters. Perfect for Blade to stalk her. Concurrently WWE is cracking down on Twitter use also. Sadly Sir Alec doesn't return to read their rules and regulations.

WWE Comics has launched, in another attempt by the company to get into the industry (and laughably fail at yet again). Blade gets confused while reading one. He also loses his voice too. Or goes through maturity again, I don't know.

Seventeen Syllables to explain this one:
WWE Comics.
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.

Blade: "WWE Comics: Wipe your ass on John Cena today."