Episode 80: Holy Boy Blowhard!: February 26, 2023

Penguin Is a Girl's Best Friend
January 26, 1967
"Penguin forms a motion picture company and teams up with Marsha, Queen of Diamonds. He gets Batman and Robin to take part in his movie. Marsha attempts to put Batman under her spell with drugged lipstick during the love scene."
57 minutes

Vince: "You got that grin on your face bro."
RD: Boy Blunderhead: "Just happy to be here."

Chicago suffered its worst snowstorm on the original airdate. 

Narrator: "An apparently peaceful day in Gotham City. BUT WHAT IS THIS? An armored-car holdup in broad daylight?"

As expected from the title, this is the work of the Penguin, who orders his goons with a trademark quack through a megaphone. The Batmobile is around closer than usual to intervene.
Robin: "We're going to be late for that lecture to the Crime Prevention League. Sounds like we may pick up new material for the lecture."
Batman: "There's nothing like a little on-the-job research, old chum."

The Duo's stunt doubles jump out in a bright glare.
Penguin: "What are you buttinskies doing here? ... This is legal, I tell you! It's legal!"
Batman: "Have you heard anything about legalized thievery, Robin?"
Robin: "Can't say that I have, Batman."
Penguin: "I'll wipe those silly smirks off your faces in court! I'll sue you for assault and battery and aggravated interference!"
Batman: " You're witnessing the final disintegration of a criminal brain, Robin. Years of outlawry have
taken their inevitable toll."
Robin: "But he's right about our being in court, Batman. We'll be the prosecution's star witnesses when they try you for armed robbery!"

All of a sudden O'Hara appears - to take the Penguin's side. The Duo have crashed straight into a movie shoot as directed by the (usually villainous) millionaire. Because you can do that after being arrested for the show's earlier three-part story.
Penguin: "This permit isn't a mock-up, Boy Blunderhead! It's signed and sealed by the Gotham City Motion Picture Commission. And I'm gonna sue the city for $10 million for failure to provide proper protection. Do you hear that, Batman? Ten million dollars! Do you hear that, Batman? Jail! But I'm willing to make a deal."
To the titles!
Vince wonders how they come up with the monetary amounts and why they keep fluctuating. 

Gordon finds out post-hand in his Office that the Duo had signed a contract to star in the movie, and that he too knew about the movie shoot. (:11)
Batman: "Yes, I saw the movie equipment as we drove up. I didn't have time to explain, but I wanted Penguin to think that he'd trapped us. When someone like Penguin sets up a movie company, you can be sure it's not only film he's after."
He can use their involvement to keep an eye on the man and his plans. Vince thinks he was just lying about knowing about the movie to cover that for once he didn't know everything going on in the City.

Meanwhile Penguin is peeved that his co-star...in villainy!...Marsha (Queen of Diamonds) is two hours late. He then dials his phone.

Penguin: "Prop Department?"
Set Department: "No, Mr. Penguin. This is the Set Department."
Penguin (hits another button): "Prop Department?"
Publicity: "Sorry, Mr. Penguin. This is Publicity."
Penguin (hits another button): "Prop Department? (hits another) Prop Department? (another) PROP DEPARTMENT?"
Prop Department: "Yes, Mr. Penguin?"
Penguin: "I forgot what I wanted you for."

But then he remembers the 24,000 gallons of milk needed for Scene 12, which is coming in now. RD would become an arch-villain himself if he could get that much. 

Also there was one pretty lady as his secretary, who only appears for three seconds, too short to be rated.

Marsha finally appears in a large white glare and diamond eye-shadow, and has to take his Pengymobile to reach him "across this football field you call an office".

Marsha: "You wouldn't have asked me here if you didn't want something."
Penguin: "I want to make you a millionairess.
Marsha: "How boring. I'm already a millionairess.
Penguin: "Then how would you like to be a billionairess? All you have to do is to become my partner in
this motion-picture company."
Marsha: "Oh, come, now, Pengy. You don't really think there's a billion dollars in filmmaking."

She agrees to join him and its obvious front. He wants some of her diamonds for her help. She wants to star in his movie.
Penguin: "Well, I was thinking of somebody with more...(He grabs phantom breasts on his chest.) With more "waaah.""
He actually means that she will be co-starring with Batman.
Marsha: "Does Batman have a love scene with the leading lady in your film?"
Penguin: "Why, of course. Who ever heard of a film without a love scene?"
Marsha: "Then I shall be your leading lady. Or no diamonds. I might even be able to get my Aunt Hilda
to whip up a love potion for my lipstick. ... I wouldn't mind winning an Oscar."
Penguin: "An Oscar? Heh! You don't want one of those. My dear, if you play along with me, you are liable to win the most coveted award in the entire motion-picture business. You are liable to win... (he pulls out a familiarly shaped gold statue) ...a Penguin!"
Vince is hopeful the Pengy (statue) is in storage someplace. "Thank God."

In the Batcave the Duo look over the script, "innocent enough" in ancient Rome.
Robin: "But holy miscasts, Batman! We play a pair of barbarian bandits sentenced to fight as gladiators in the Coliseum."
Batman: "Casting us as bandits would appeal to Penguin's warped sense of humor."
He then comes along something dubious in Scene 12, which may need a look over from the "Gotham City Film Decency League". Robin takes a while to be pulled out of his reading by his mentor to agree.
Vince still wonders why the Duo call each other Batman & Robin even when alone in the Batcave. RD wonders if his wife calls him by a different name if so. Also the Duo want to be cautious in case they call each other Bruce & Dick in public.

The Duo making their way to Penguin Studios Inc. the next day almost get run over by a chauffeur trying to give them a dirty red carpet to walk on. (:23)
Penguin: "Well, if it isn't my two ham actors."
Robin: "The only ham here is wearing a top hat."
Penguin: "Tut-tut, Boy Bungler, we can't all be great artists."
They're already going to start shooting the Scene 12, set in the Baths. 
Penguin: "It's a fantastically magnificent scene. I wrote it myself."

Also all the cameramen are blindfolded, to keep them from seeing Marsha arriving fully nude but for a very short bathrobe. Penguin has her "outfit" of three diamonds carried in a suitcase for her to wear.

This is also the right timing for Aunt Harriet to appear (driven by Alfred), since she is a member of this League 'summoned' in protest. You don't say. "Could you point out someone called Mr. Penguin to me?"

Penguin: "This is outrageous. As the leading entrepreneur of Gotham City I will not submit to having one page of my masterpiece enfeebled. And we will not submit to such bullying tones. Kindly remove your Victorian mind from my set, Mrs. C."
Harriet: "Only when you remove this morbid scene from your film. Think of the children!"
Penguin: "I am thinking of the children, madam! Look at this. Twenty-three thousand quarts of homogenized milk here. Fortified with vitamin C. [Wasn't it supposed to be 24 thousand? Did Penguin drink a full thousand gallons of milk?] I tell you, this whole scene is bursting with minerals and vitamins."
Harriet: "This scene is bursting with other things as well."
Penguin: "I suspect this is your doing, masked meddlers. You're always poking your proboscis into other people's business."
Batman: "Decency is everybody's business, Penguin."

He acquiesces to their demands though. So he instead prepares to shoot Scene 43 - where Batman and Marsha share a kiss. Batman is so upset he sits down into a Thinker pose. 

Marsha: "I trust you're going to enjoy this scene, Batman, darling."
Batman: "I made a bargain with Penguin, and I never break my word."
Marsha: "Bargain? Why, half the men in the world would fight to be kissed by Marsha, Queen of Diamonds."
Batman: "They certainly wouldn't have to fight me."

So - Action! She gives him a giant kiss.
Penguin: "Cut it! That's not good enough! Batman, I want you to put some "grahhh" into it! We'll do it again and again and again!"
Robin: "Once is enough, you feathered fraud!"
Penguin: "Tut-tut, Boy Bluenose!"
Marsha: "Penguin is a perfectionist. I'll do it a hundred times if it's necessary. And it will be necessary."

Cut to Stately Wayne Manor. Harriet wonders why pool-playing Bruce has some very chapped lips. (:29) He blames "windburn" when he and Dick visited the Wayne Animal Sanctuary. She pledges to get some salve for it. "Just in case a pretty girl wants to kiss you."

RD is allergic to poison ivy. The plant, not the villainess. 

Dick: "Boy, I'll bet you'll never wanna kiss another girl as long as you live, Bruce."
Bruce: "I wouldn't go so far as to say that, Dick. You're jumping to a rash conclusion."
He thinks there was some "elixir" in the lipstick that needed "a great amount of concentration to combat".
As they will next be shooting in the Museum of Antiquities he had already placed Bat-homing devices on all the art, of which Alfred confirms that they are...still inside. Bruce counters by holding a golf club as his pool cue. 

RD likes mini-golf instead of maxi-golf. 

At the Studio the villains ride on a golf cart (speaking of golf) with an open umbrella at the back. Things are going as planned, but he needs more of Aunt Hilda's concoctions.
Penguin: "I never trust a woman with a secret. And if you're nothing else, Marsha, you're certainly a woman."
Marsha: "A woman with diamonds, darling."

They visit Hilda anyway, back at her giant cauldron with some random creature model inside it (named Mortimer).
Marsha: "Aunt Hilda, have you been robbing graveyards again?"
Hilda: "Oh, no, dearie. I left off that 20 years ago, when I was chemistry professor at Vassar. Until I quit."
Marsha asks for something stronger since the last attempt didn't do much to Batman.
Hilda: "Oh  dear. I'm afraid I'm out of old toads too."
Marsha: "Can't you substitute some new toads?"
The Bros think she should have aged some new toads to older ones, like they're wine or something.

Cut to the Duo at the Museum, still confirming the objects are all still there. (:35)
Batman: "I'm still suspicious, Robin."
Penguin (overhearing): "Suspicious of what, Caped Codger? Don't tell me you're suspicious of the Penguin tampering with these priceless works of art."
Batman: "The thought did cross my mind."
Penguin: "What, a great filmmaker like myself stooping to a petty theft? Why, that's ridiculous."
Robin: "What's ridiculous is thinking you're a great filmmaker."
Penguin: "I write the lines around here, Boy Blowhard! You stick to the script."
Vince wishes he wrote some of these lines in the WWF. 

The museum's curator appears, declaring some 15th century chain mail is gone. Batman suddenly realizes the metal alloy's magnetic field could have "blocked our homing transmission". Penguin responds by having the Duo go through a "light rehearsal" of a fight.
Penguin: "Skewer the scrofulous scullion. Spear him like a cucumber!"
The fight has some really bad swordfighting, including Robin butt-slapping a goon with the broad side.
Seeing the fight go badly (in general, not just with the swordfighting), Penguin cheats by blinding the Duo with a spotlight to trap them. 

Thus the two are tied down in a giant catapult.
Penguin: "This catapult will hurl you through the sky and across Gotham City. I'm sure you'll make a big splash at the other end of your journey. And your last moments on Earth will be recorded for posterity by those two cameras that I've strapped to your legs. And I'll show the film at a special premiere for the Benefit of the Amalgamated Crooks of Gotham City. The In-Flight Motion Pictures Benefit of Penguin Productions Unlimited. Good flight, masked missiles! We'll watch from a better vantage point!"

Narrator: "The Caped Crusaders to end smashed flat? While Pengy's cameras record the splat? Eu tu, Pengy? Friends, Romans, Countrymen, find out next week! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!"

:40 Vince was reminded somehow of watching old WWE Attitude Era of Sunny dressed as Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday. He remembers when they did a photo-shoot with her that she had no recollection of doing.

RD is ambivalent to Girl Scout cookies. His mainstay is always his wife's oatmeal scotchies (without raisins). 

Vince's cereal of choice is Life. RD's remains Peanut Butter Crunch.

RD still hates Subway. 

Andre the Giant had some sometimes strange matches.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [8] (Burgess Meredith) [8]
  • Extra Special Guest Villainess:  Marsha [2] (Carolyn Jones) [2]
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Captain Lou

Episode 79: Holy Catbaby!: February 19, 2023

Scat! Darn Catwoman
January 25, 1967
"Catwoman mind-controls Batman! Holy Domination! Will the Boy Wonder be able to pause her paws before she performs what-have-you on you-know-what?"
63 minutes

Vince is already preparing for Spring Training. RD: Valentine's Day With RUSSO does not follow his Cincinnati Reds. Mrs. Deal's crab cakes are 85% crab.

Narrator: "When we last glimpsed the masked man-hunter, he was about to be snapped to death by a gigantic bat-trap. And a poor, drugged Robin as the unwitting tool of his destruction! Batman's only hope is to join forces with Catwoman. But we know he won't do that! Or will he? The incredible answer in just one moment!" 

With one thread left, Batman decides to surrender as to not make Robin a murderer.
Catwoman: "
You realize I'll have to drug you with cataphrenic to make sure you're not faking."
Batman: "Of course, Catwoman. I wouldn't expect you to believe me."
Catwoman: "There's no honor among thieves, Batman."
Batman: "I'll buy that."

He then asks immediately to take a Bat-pill first since he has a headache.
Pussycat: "Would you like some chicken soup?"

Catwoman drugs him in the lightest manner possible, making him into what RD terms a "spacey pervert." (:10)
Batman: "Heyyyyy. You're a pretty good looker. You got some class, baby. Who are you?" 

After letting him spin her around to check out her tail, they go to the Batmobile to count out her money to make sure it reaches 1 million.
Batman: "Hey, hey, that's a neat haul, Catbaby."
Catwoman: "Only the beginning. A drop in the proverbial bucket. We're gonna live it up! We're gonna wail, doll!"
RD wonders if it is safe to count money in a convertible. Vince would lose count.
She tells him about her plan, and that they are to go to the "Old Criminal's Home." "Oh, would I love to see Commissioner Gordon's face now."

Cut to Commissioner Gordon's face now as he hears from O'Hara that Catwoman is riding with Batman.
Gordon: "The worst has come to pass. Send out an all-points bulletin, Chief O'Hara: "Wanted, dead or alive: Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and Pussycat.""
The Bros express surprise that he would be so jealous as to kill his one true love after a single sighting with the enemy. 

The Old Criminal's Home has a very distinct musical theme. One of the inhabitants, Little Al, is about to go "back in the good old days" before Catwoman tries to stop him. Batman literally throws a laundry bag of the money at him as he keeps going on, while providing her with the mint plans.
Little Al (to the camera): "Criminals just ain't genteel anymore."

Meanwhile Gordon is stuck taking phone calls from Mayor Linseed, Governor Stonefellow, President Johnson, before receiving an anonymous tip. Sadly it is not from Vice President Humphrey. Vince is unsure if Johnson had any First Dogs.

Back at the Catlair Pussycat sings another song named Maybe Now to Robin. No wait, a photo of Robin. During that time there's a random two second cut to a police car. Perhaps they're also listening? RD: "Was Kevin Dunn directing this?"

Robin appears under a sign stating "Robin's Sleeping Do Not Disturb", which is a very helpful use of the series' sign maker.
Robin: "Come on, baby, did you miss me? Are you still madly in love with me, huh? How about a little smooch? You're my kind of dame."
Pussycat: "I hardly even know you, Robin."
Robin: "Kissing is a great way to get acquainted, sweetheart."
Pussycat: "Robin, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm not the type of girl to kiss a boy on the first crime."
Robin: "Close your eyes and pucker, and don't worry about your reputation."
Before anything untoward can occur the police break in, led by the Undynamic Duo, to arrest them. Pussycat asks to change into her street clothes first.

Batman and the other villains see this from afar, and Catwoman wonders how they could have been found out.
Catwoman: "We're gonna have to find a place to hide out, Batman. Do you remember the way back to the Batcave?"
Batman: "Batcave? What's a Batcave?"
She jogs his memory by lightly touching his head. He responds by using the Batgas. 

Cut back to police HQ where Pussycat looks somewhat warm under the police spotlight. Vince still finds her eyes attractive though. The two debate her look again. Vince: "I'm not looking at her eyes!"
Pussycat: "My name is Pussycat. My rank is criminal, second class. I have no serial number. Now, if you want any more information, flatfoot, see my mouthpiece."
O'Hara: "What she needs is a good slap...on the wrist."
Gordon: "You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality."

This leads the two to come up with an actual good plan, broken clocks that they are: tracing the called Batphone.

Vince messes around with his second camera. The angle keeps startling RD. 

At the Batcave Batman wakes Catwoman up, who is of course enamored by the place. (:27)
Batman: "It's a nice little pad, Catbaby."
The Love Theme emerges again as the two sweet talk each other.
Catwoman: "Is there something you'd like to do, Batman?"
Batman: "Yeah, I got your message, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Isn't there something that you wanna do? Now that we're standing almost mask to mask this way."
Batman: "Sure, Catwoman. But first, we got the heist at the Mint to think about."
Suddenly the Automatic Bat Alarm for Detecting Phone Detecting Equipment rings. Batman flips the Diversionary Bat Phone Line Switch.

Narrator: "Meanwhile, back in the rundown apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending..."
Pat counts his money under his mattress when the police break in. "Stay right where you are, Batman!" one declares. "Judging by your appearance, I'd never guess your secret, but the Batphone line led us right to you!"
Despite Pat's pleas to the contrary, they also have Ruby (Val-let) as Robin down at HQ.
Pat: "That's ridiculous. Rudy's 32 years old."
Officer: "And obviously very spry for his age."
That does make him seven years younger than Victor Paul regardless. 

Back at the Batcave Batman writes a note for Alfred to deliver some Bat-Antidote to Robin. He then again gasses Catwoman before they take off. 

It is now 5 am at the Mint, according to the Narrator and the Love Theme as the Bat and the Cat are around.
Catwoman: "It's cold."
Batman: "Here. You want my cape around you?"
Catwoman: "I prefer your arms around me."
Before they can kiss the other goons interrupt with their timing, the spoilsports.

There is no visible entrance, so Catwoman has to make one with a hammer, rather than the Dark Knight just standing there. To open s safe they use a noiseless explosive called "silentmite", which sadly does not have any helpful sign.

Of course it's not money in the safe, but instead it's Robin, "back to my old, young crime-fighting self."
Batman: "Catwoman, you've been hoist on your own petard."
RD wishes he was more insulting of her for allowing him to take a Bat-Antidote in the first place. But instead he just lightly and symbolically brushes his cloak.
Cue a very short fight with money bags. 

The Undynamic Duo arrive expectantly late and apologetic for again doubting them. RD wishes Batman was more insulting of them for wanting their officers to shoot him. In the midst of all this Catwoman has already taken off in the Batmobile since she somehow took the keys.
Robin: "Holy diversionary tactic!"
Batman: "There is one way we can catch her, Robin. Chief O'Hara, may I have the keys to your patrol car?"
O'Hara: "You insured?"

Of course a normal patrol car has no way to catch up with Catwoman as she speeds at 5 miles per hour to New Guernsey.
Batman: "Here, take this."
Robin: "The remote control apparatus. Why didn't I think of that?"
Batman: "That device can manipulate the Batmobile. The red button is for the brakes, white is for acceleration, and the green button will turn the car a la izquierda o a la derecha."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."

The Batmobile slows, Catwoman thinking she is running out of gas. Ditching the vehicle she quickly runs up some stairs in her high heels.
Batman: "Catwoman, come down!"
Catwoman: "You'll have to come up and get me, Batman."
Robin: "What now, mon ami?"
Batman: "You heard what she said, Robin. You stay where you are. I'll take care of this."

He chases after her up to the roof as she crawls around on the floor for some reason (besides the sexuality anyway). (:41)  She gets cornered at the ledge with a raging river below. 

Batman: "You'd never survive the fall. It's a hundred feet down into the river."
Catwoman: "Anything's better than facing prison again."
Batman: "I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you."
Catwoman: "Marry me."
Batman: "Everything except that. A wife, no matter how beauteous or affectionate, would severely  impair my crime-fighting."
Catwoman: "Then I can help you in your work. As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable. I can reform. Honestly, I can."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Robin? Oh, I've got it. We'll kill him."
Batman: "I see you're not really ready to assume a life in society."
Catwoman: "I guess you're right, Batman. Can't teach an old cat new tricks."

And then she falls into the river, away from Batman's reach.  He takes out a Batkerchief as he begins to cry.

Back at Gordon's Office he leads Pussycat and the goons to the 'paddy wagon' to take them to prison to serve out their two week sentences, and apologizes again for doubting Batman and his actions to maintain his cover.
Gordon: "You remember your association with her, Boy Wonder?"
Robin: "It's all a blur. Like a horrible daymare."
They have yet to find a body in the river, so they assume the worst.
Batman: "I can't help thinking that somewhere in that great Catlair in the sky she's looking down
and laughing at us."
Robin: "I feel the same way, Batman. She made good her threat, never again to return to prison. Even though it cost her her life."
Batman: "Or at least one of her lives."

Or at least some weeks of her lives, as she will of course return again.  

Mrs. Deal agreed with her husband that they thought Vince was "completely insane" in his ranking of Gore as Pussycat's look: "He's saying this lunacy when Julie Newmar was on the same screen." RD then puts her up against Pauline, despite Vince's protests.
Vince: "Bro, the woman's dead!"
RD: "If you can't make fun of the dead, who can you make fun of?"
Vince gives her 9.5 Batpoles to match Pauline, basing on her body beyond her face. He then gets stuck looking at random photos of Catwoman online. RD goes 6, but then goes 5.5 because Vince maddened him and his mocking cross-eyes. 

Vince asks about "Rudy's Arcade" which will be 6 years old on April 1st. He also has trouble remembering some names. Those two are not related. (:58)

One of Vince's other co-hosts had an infamous match.


  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [6] (Julie Newmar) [5] 

  • Window Celebrity: 1. Lesley Gore
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Valentine's
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Breaking Bat(man)
  • Screen Shares: 4. RD, Vince, RD, Vince

Episode 78: Holy Hot Dog Stand!: February 12, 2023

That Darn Catwoman
January 19, 1967
"Catwoman mind-controls Robin! The Caped Crusader must stop her before she does who-knows-what with him!"
55 minutes

RD Is In His Masculine Retreat. He bought a Catwoman shirt just because. Vince was thinking of him.

The previous three-parter forced this story to have to continue next week until the next three-parter. The Monkees are still #1, even in the UK. 

Robin is "a very special speaker" for those graduating Aaron Burr High School, in which he tells them "always to obey the law and support your local police." As if to compound the humor of this "advice", the filmed students seem to be entirely disconnected stock footage. 

Catwoman is also there with her henchwoman Pussycat, as played by the singer Lesley Gore.
Pussycat: "But I'm just a rock 'n' roll singer. I'm not a crook."
Catwoman: "Oh, forget it. You're 20 years old. You're over the hill."

She sends her to stop Robin by standing in front of him and flirting with him. He responds by having his voice crack.
Pussycat: "I can see a very important part of your education has been grossly neglected."
Robin: "That's a funny-looking outfit you're wearing."
Pussycat (looking at his groin): "I could say the same for you, big boy."
Suitably distracted, she injects him at the back of the neck with "cataphrenic", immediately putting him through puberty. 

Immediately the villains see Chief O'Hara approaching and hide. Catwoman just turns around and squats towards the wall.
Robin: "What's it to you, fella? Get out of my way or I'll give you a fat lip!"
O'Hara (to Pussycat): "What have you done to him, you little banshee?"
Robin lightly presses on O'Hara, causing him to make a huge pratfall. The two youngsters leave, as do the villains. 

In the Batcave of course Batman senses something is wrong before Gordon calls to tell him of Robin's "attack: he had the wind knocked out of him, but he's recovered." (:12) 

Batman drives to the Office over the titles.
O'Hara: "It was as though the devil had taken him. He was trifling with some little red-headed girl and he answered my greeting by tripping me. Who could have put him up to such a dastardly deed?"
Batman: "Chief O'Hara, had you ever seen this titian-haired wench before?"
O'Hara: "She couldn't have been more than 18, give or take four years. Kind of young for crime business."
Batman: "In today's rapidly changing world, one never knows."

Meanwhile at Stately Wayne Manor, Alfred is working on a floral arrangement as bra-less Aunt Harriet asks about Bruce's study.
Alfred: "Uh, well, madam, every man likes to have someplace that is, uh, a sanctuary. Far away from the, uh, if you pardon the expression, opposite sex. Now, uh, for those less fortunate than Mr. Wayne, it's the barbershop. For him, his study. A masculine retreat far from the threat of female encroachment."

SPEAKING OF female encroachment, suddenly Robin leads the villains straight inside to tie up the two.
Catwoman sits on the coffee table to gloat before lapping some milk out of a saucer as sensually as possible, as her goons blow up a safe by using what may be more stock footage.
Catwoman: "He's under the influence of cataphrenic. A drug which reverses all the normal moral and ethical standards and causes a person to become the exact opposite of what he was before."
Alfred: "So now he's just as pro-crime as formerly he was anti?"
Ward gets an excuse to break into a huge smile as he waves some money bills in Pussycat's face. "Stick with me, sweetheart. We're going places together. As soon as we get enough cash, we'll lay low across the border."
Catwoman: "All this is working capital. We got a much bigger job to pull."
Robin: "Yer tha boss, Catwoman!"
Then he passes out from the drug, so the villains have to carry him off. 

Batman is still at the Office when the Batphone calls for him to answer.
Alfred: "Master Robin was just here with...with Catwoman."
Batman: "Catwoman?"
Gordon: "Catwoman?"
O'Hara: "Catwoman?"
Apparently the safe contained $200,000 of "housekeeping money", which seems like too much even for a 60's mansion.
Batman: "It appears she has the power to cloud men's minds."

In her Lair Catwoman lays spread eagle on her couch, Robin is still unconscious, and Pussycat has a background music record that she wants to sing to the male goons: (Philip) Marlow, (Sam) Spade, and (Simon "The Saint") Templar. The Bros think those are cat references for some reason. (:22)
Catwoman: "Music? I told you to forget about music. Now, either you're gonna be a singer, or you're gonna be an arch-criminal. You can't be both. You're too short."

She temporarily leaves, giving Pussycat Gore the excuse to sing California Nights, causing the men to dance and give odd applause. Sadly, since the song only charted to #16, RD: "which proves definitively that Lesley Gore is no Mickey Dolenz." Vince thinks that she is a challenge to his top girl Pauline, much to RD's bemusement. 

Singing out of the way, Catwoman requires "another $800,000. And Batman. In that order."
Goon: "That's a tall order, Catwoman. About 6-foot-2."
She calls on her Catphone to the Batphone through Gordon: "Stop fumfering and be quick about it!"

Batman: "I know you didn't call to ask about my health, Catwoman. What have you done to Robin?"
She asks not to be stopped in her crime spree, or she'll kill Robin "instantly".
Batman: "Catwoman, I find you to be odious, abhorrent and insegrevious."
Catwoman: "Dealing with you has expanded my vocabulary, increased my word power, uh...a whole lot."
She asks to meet in person, but Gordon tells him not to for fear it is a trap.
Catwoman: "Are you listening, Commissioner Gordon? Tut-tut-tut. Don't you know that that's illegal?"
She hangs up.
RD: "At this point Commissioner Gordon attempts to apologize to his lover Batman."
The Dark Knight decides to go by himself, asking the two not to attempt to capture her. 

Catwoman tells Pussycat her plan is to get her $1 million in bills "to purchase plans of the Gotham City Mint."
Pussycat: "The mint? Wow, you always did think big, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Why not? I'd get the same prison term for knocking over a hot dog stand. When you're a 12-time loser it doesn't make much difference what you steal."
They had already attacked a hot dog stand anyway in the middle of getting another $100,000. Meanwhile Robin is still motionless.
Catwoman: "Ah, probably gave him an overdose. Hahaha!"

Their next target is "the decrepit loft apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending". (:32) He tells his "val-let" Rudy that he's just perfected a universal solvent, but Rudy wonders if they have a container or "perpetual motion machine" to keep it in. At least he has his money in his mattress, which Catwoman just walks in to take.
The next robbery is at a hospital, which we don't see. Instead Gordon learns from the witnesses that they just stole the small bills. They also heard he may be attending the "annual weighing-in" of Prince Ibn Kereb of Gedallia, where he gives his weight in money to charity. 

(Also the obviously "enlightened" network didn't pick up that Ibn Kereb is "heir of the dog" in Arabic, if put in other words.)

Gordon: "We must notify Batman."
O'Hara: "You bet, commissioner. To the elevator!"

Of course the villains with an awake Robin are at the ceremony. 
Catwoman: "This is a surprise attack. Now, you all have your instructions. Synchronize watches."
Spade: "None of us have watches."
Catwoman: "Argh! Just...get the money and run! [To Robin] How are you feeling, Robin?"
Robin: "Hmmm... Purr-fect."Catwoman: "You're learning."
RD remarks on how tall Newmar in heels was to the group she was in.
Robin suddenly grabbed at Catwoman's posterior for some reason. RD has to disclaim not to do such things in the present day.

Batman appears, but unfortunately Robin does not know who he is. "Who's the character in the ridiculous costume?"
Batman (to the camera): "What a dastardly development this is."
He tells the police to keep out for a bit as he easily defeats the inept goons while Robin gets to the money and Catwoman has to tell the flailing prince to shut up.

Catwoman: "Robin? Slay the blue dragon."
Robin: "Groovy!"
Neither Bro remembers Batman just standing there not doing anything while Robin keeps punching him in the jaw like a boxing bag before giving a chair shot.
Satisfied by this totally real beatdown, the villains get in her Catillac to cross over to Catlair West, New Guernsey (not to be confused with neighboring New Jersey where Gotham City lies).  

Catwoman of course knows Batman is after their new lair, but she takes the time to poke at a bird in its cage. (:42) Batman is reminded of a similar scene in Batman Returns where Michelle Pfeiffer swallowed an actual bird and spat it at the camera.
Batman notifies Gordon of his location as he stands around signs pointing to the Secret Entrance.

Robin is found tied to a chair, having pretended to be brainwashed as a "turncape"...but of course he is pretending to pretending. "Would I do that to you, Batman baby?"
Two goons then zap Batman with cattle prods, causing him to do an exaggerated shock. 

Thus Batman is in a large mouse trap as Robin is cutting a line. Catwoman asks for his help to prevent that. "In other words...you'll be beside yourself!"
Batman: "I'll never be your partner Catwoman!"
Catwoman: "Ho-hum. Boy Wonder, start cutting."
Cue Robin sawing with a raucous grin.

RD: "Are our eyes deceiving us?...Oh, whoops, I don't have the Narrator." 

Narrator: "Holy Battrap! What a decision! A life of crime or no life at all? There's no way out...or is there? Tune in next week for the shocking answer! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!"

Apparently Gore appeared on the show to first sing California Nights due to being a niece of show producer Howie Horwitz. Vince was surprised on how better she looked on the show. He looks at her singing It's My Party three years earlier compared to her look in '89.

Vince doesn't understand negative comments on the internet.

The Arcade will have 8 player Super Smash Bros. Ultimate playing on the Skyline Drive-In's big screen in April.

  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [6] (Julie Newmar) [5]
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Catwoman's shirts
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Lesley Gore
  • Screen Shares: 1. Vince

Episode 77: Holy Survey!: February 5, 2023

All Star Family Feud: Gilligan's Island vs Batman (1983)
63 minutes

RD: Not One of 100 Surveyed. Give him the X.

As you may guess, this is something completely different from the regular television progrem. For one thing this was 1983. Recent college graduate Vince had just married. Teenage RD wanted to be Simon LeBon. This particular recording also has the commercials, broadcast from Cambridge, Massachusetts' own WLVI (Channel 56). 

First RD has to explain what Family Feud is. 

One of the other competing All Star TV shows was the timely Hawaiian Eye (1959 - 1963), starring Robert Conrad and being the first of its crime/procedural shows located there.

Competing for Gilligan's Island are:

  • Alan Hale Jr. (The Skipper Jonas Grumby) being quite excited to be there with his hat
  • "Uncle" Jim Backus (Thurston Howell III) seated due to a backstage injury
  • Nataie Schafer (Eunice "Lovey" Howell)
  • Russell Johnson (The Professor Roy Hinkley)
  • Dawn Wells (Mary Ann Summers)

Tina "Ginger Grant" Louise was absent. So was Gilligan! (Richard Dawson gave an ending "Hello Bob Denver, wherever you are.")

Representing for Batman "as they are today" in one of those old photo settings are:

  • Adam West (Batman)
  • Lee Meriwether (Movie Catwoman)
  • Yvonne Craig (Batgirl)
  • Burt Ward (Robin)
  • Vincent Price (Egghead) selling being choked by Craig

Dawson, wearing a huge bowtie, greets the Islanders first. To Backus: "I understand you wanted a stunt check for this show." He still keeps to his gimmick of shaking the mens' hands and kissing the womens' faces, including poor Wells three times to the point of actual kissing.

West (wearing teenage RD's glasses): "We're playing for World Vision. That's a...charity, that...helps...needy children...all over the world."
RD: "That sounded like a total scam."
They've already won $5,520, surprising RD with the low 2023 numbers of $16,500. To be fair, current Celebrity Feud teams playing for charity can win up to $25,000 in one day, so it is not that big of a gap. Though instead of Dawson throwing himself all over the women, it's Steve Harvey practicing his flustered face at some of the responses. 

West (introducing Meriwether): "Lee Anne Meriwether, one of the worst villainesses to ever walk Gotham City...and...Miss America at some point."
She meows in response.
Then there's the "young" Craig who gave "such humor on the set". Then there's "the taller half - I mean the tougher half of the crimefighting Duo". Then there's "Mr. Vincent Price, one of the most horrible people ever". 

Meriwether really gets into it, giving Dawson a kiss for each family member, then one from her straight on the lips. Dawson: "You have any more family members?" Unsurprisingly Craig is quite peeved out, giving only a slight peck and immediately wiping her upper lip. RD has to do math to find she would have been 46 then, five years younger than Dawson (and still looking good). He doesn't help things by looking under their table at their legs. 

Ward mentions his business across the border in good old Montreal, being rather timid for some reason. Dawson thinks he needs a fee for helping promote it. Dawson is believable when he calls Price the nicest guy on the planet. Cue Price messing around for fun by marking a lollipop handle's tip black for further charity (of a $100). But it's the other team who has a winning one.

The Bros have spent 21 minutes talking about 8 minutes of a half hour show.

Anyway. Give me West. Give me Hale. 100 people surveyed. Top five answers on the board. Name something people buy before boarding a plane.
Vince: "A magazine."
RD: "Food."
West: "A ticket."
That's #3.
Hale: "Dramamine." (Anti-air sickness pills.)
That's #4, so West chooses to play after Ward shouts "GO FOR IT!". 

Meriwether: "Luggage."
Strike 1. Dawson mocks her for this by pretending to carry clothes. "If you do this, people will be laughing at my jockey shorts."
Craig: "Insurance."
That's #1, worrying the Bros on what people were flying on. To be sure, people were also heavily buying it during the heyday of the pandemic.
Ward: "Souvenirs."
Strike 2.
Ward: "RATS!"
Price: "Something to read."
That's #2.
West: "A toy."
Dawson: "What?"
West: "For the children."
Strike 3. West gestures in confusion.

For their chance to steal, the Islanders guess candy or gum. That's #4, winning them $90 (for $190). Vince thinks they should have been disallowed for giving two answers. Gum was the correct response, but Vince knows they would have chosen candy. 

Cut to commercial and a man having a nightmare because he's missing Miracle Whip for his sandwich. RD loved it when younger. Vince still hates all kinds of mayonnaise.
Cue another commercial for National Enquirer, of all things. RD reenacts the narration. 

Backus is not leaving his seat for Round 2. (:29) He gets a buzzer at their table, as he is up against Meriwether. 100 people surveyed. Top seven answers on the board. Name the most relaxing thing you do.
RD: "Lay in bed."
Vince: "Sleep."
Meriwether: "Watch TV."
"Uncle Jim": "Make love."
Dawson would give some money for that response even if it wasn't on the board at #5. The Batmen choose to play.

Craig: "Take a hot bath."
Dawson salivates at the thought, which is #3.
Ward: "Listening to relaxing music."
Price: "There's nothing I find more relaxing than gardening."
Everyone is surprised despite it not being a bad answer. Sadly it's a Strike
West: "Sleeping."
Of course it's #1.
Meriwether: "I read Vincent Price's books."
#2, although I would have put Price's books exclusively at #1 if I could.
Craig: "Get a massage."
Cue Dawson again, though it's Strike 2.
Ward: "I'd go for a walk in the park."
Good answer, although it's not up there either.
Ward: "RATS!"

The Islanders' attempt "have a drink." Sadly it's not up there. #7 is instead sunbathe.
Dawson: "Yes, sunbathe. Then have a drink. Then make love. We'll be right back."

Cue commercial for Heinz 57 Sauce. RD found the smell awful.
No Nonsense Pantyhose goes completely 80s in its look. Wrote RD: "THIS IS SO HOT." Vince: "There were a lot of chicks, but there was one main chick." (The one with the short hair.) RD gives her 7.5 Batpoles. Vince gives her a "solid" 8.
Then there is a commercial for Benson, starring the dearly missed Robert Guillaume, who would later voice The Lion King's Rafiki. Of course RD has to retell his time he couldn't meet Rafiki on his banana break.
Speaking of stress with children, you can call the Parental Stress Hotline, assuming the image of a child laying in a prison bar style crib doesn't scare you off.

For Round 3 (:39) Craig and Schafer face off. 100 people surveyed. Top five answers on the board. Name something you bring into the bedroom for a day when you are sick in bed.
Vince: "Chicken soup."
RD/Craig: "Medicine."
Unfortunately that is not up there.
Schafer: "A book."
That's #2, so the Islanders get to play.

Johnson: "The telly."
That's #1. Vince reminds that the TVs back then were still barely a foot long and put on carts.
Wells: "Food."
Hale: "Bed tray."
Cue confused Dawson. Also it's not up there.
Backus: "Radio for some soothing music."
Not up there either.
Schafer: "Cards so we can play solitaire."
Ah, the 80s. Also Strike 3.

For their chance to steal the Batmen have tissues/Kleenex. A good answer - but also not up there. That would be a humidifier/vaporizer and a telephone. Neither had a vaporizer in their youth, only salves. And RD didn't even have Vicks! Now his wife has oils for that.

Round 4 (:44) has "Robin vs. the Professor from Gilligan's Island." RD: "I've always wanted to say that." 100 people surveyed. Top four answers on the board. Name an actor or actress who is also a political activist.
RD/Vince: "Ronald Reagan."
Johnson: "Jane Fonda."
Top answer, so they play.

Wells: "Paul Newman."
Hale doesn't have anything, just some almost submitted babbles of confusion. A non answer is an automatic Strike (usually when the time expires in normal matches).
Backus: "Ronald Reagan, and God bless him."
#4, and confirming for certain his views. And I'm sure Howell was a conservative too.
Schafer: "Ed Asner."
That is #2, giving them the clean sweep of the board and the win. Batman and company will still play tomorrow against Lost In Space, a show that RD hasn't seen yet.
Wells and Johnson will go for the Lightning Round/Fast Money, giving Dawson an excuse to uncomfortably hold and kiss her to lead into the commercial break.

SPEAKING OF WOMEN, here's advertising for Woman's Day magazine about the "shock of rabies" and 200 calorie cheesecakes (which is even more of a shock if it doesn't involve NutraSweet).
This is followed by (Madge's) Palmolive dishwashing liquid that's soft on hands as demonstrated with a very tiny bowl.
Then there's a commercial for Fab fabric softener with state of the art computer graphics of drawn static electricity.
Then SPEAKING OF NutraSweet, there's something for sugar free Jell-O, which was never really my thing regardless of content. 

Wells is up first for another kiss, her fifth today. (:50) She has 15 seconds (now 20 today) for answering five questions. RD will also go first for the purposes of this progrem.

  • Name a foreign country that sex symbols come from. RD: "France." Wells: "Italy." 22 (of 100 surveyed) also named that.
  • An animal big game hunters hunt. RD: "Elephant." Wells: "Deer." Somehow that gets 17.
  • A fabric evening gowns are made of. RD: "Silk." Wells: "Chiffon." 12.
  • A position on a baseball team. RD: "Catcher." Wells: "Pitcher." An obvious #1 with 47.
  • A chocolate food. RD: "Chocolate bar." Wells: "Hot fudge sundae." 2. 

This all adds up to an exact 100, halfway to the 200 needed which Johnson needs to get (despite not getting any kisses). He gets 20 seconds (25 today). He also moves around randomly during his part, which Dawson notes he did on the last show.

  • Name a foreign country that sex symbols come from. Vince: "Sweden." Johnson: "France." #1 answer at 35.
  • An animal big game hunters hunt. Vince: "Lion." Johnson: "Tiger." 9. Vince's was the #1 answer.
  • A fabric evening gowns are made of. Vince: "Cotton, probably." (He can't choose silk since that was a repeat answer.) Johnson: "Silk." 12. #1 answer at 37.
  • A position on a baseball team. Vince: "Outfielder." (He can't pick Catcher or Pitcher.) Johnson: "First Base." 10.
  • A chocolate food. Vince: "Cake." Johnson: "Cake." #1 answer at 54, pushing them over 200! This calls for a celebration, brought to you by...

Nuprin Pain Relief Formula, with this marvelous ingredient called ibuprofen.
Once you feel better you can polish and wax your surfaces with Endust.
And after you clean your house you can go back to school with some horrendous clothes from JCPenney. 

One last return to the game show. Batman's total is now $5,705, while Gilligan's has $10,970. RD still doesn't like the low numbers. Everyone shakes hands and celebrates. 

Vince feels like Abe Simpson yelling at the sun because they don't have things like this in the current day. "What happened to all this stuff? What happened?" He also feels for the actors who had negative thoughts about being typecast in those roles (except for Price, who has definitely transcended his genre even now). On the other hand, as RD notes, there is a rebound now with people now recognizing and celebrating the actors and their roles, no matter the situation.

RD wants to eventually do the next day's show with Lost In Space. 

Remember when Wardlow beat up 20 men and potentially dashed his chances beyond his control? 

RD and Rupert's Kids are doing their own Celebrity Family Feud thing in Shelbyville. He doesn't know if they will be facing Hawaiian Eye.

RD Dawson kisses Julie Newmar's picture on his Batman cup.

  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Great stuff, Hawaiian Eye, great shows