Raging_Demons here…unfortunately. When fellow staffer R.V.M.'s Kai recruited “Angry Jim” to the site to answer his mailbag it turned out to be a success here at the site.
Unfortunately it turned out too well.
Now our boss Premier Blah wants ALL of us to bring in WCR characters in to the site! With PB going to handle Trolla Corp, Clarence Mason going to his law practice & R.V.M.’s Kai already having “Angry Jim” (What? Brother can’t have two?!?) It leaves me with the unfortunate task of getting someone here on the site! COME ON! Can’t the guy who brings in the whores & the booze get a free pass around here?!? But NNNNOOO!!!!! Not only do I have to go out & bring one of them to the site but I’m bringing in Mike FREAKING Check out of all of them!
Now for those that haven’t heard about Mike Check well then thank God you are one of the lucky ones. But if you have heard of the man let me pose a brief recap of the man that is Mike Check.
Mike Check is a very old Radio DJ with over 25 years of radio experience that the Deal hired to be a TNA Correspondent, Mike Check left the show "dying" by lighting a cigar conveniently near a fireworks factory which at the time tied with Johnny 6 as the longest reigning TNA Correspondent ever. Well that was the story until Mike Check re-appeared at the “Wrestlecrap Radio Celebrity Roast” so he can try to gain royalties by appearing in the DVD.
Why did Mike Check fake his death? Well according to the man it was to increase the sales of his T-Shirts and Stickers that his daughter, who’s a hell of a whiz kid according to Mike Check, sent over to Wrestlecrap.com. Then if things weren’t weird enough we find out later that Mike Check was being hunted down for unpaid child support ranging up to $500,000 at least for not paying for over 30 kids that he has! Of course with that much unpaid child support Mike Check was sent to jail, which he admits to this day that he wasn’t accused for, with his one lone daughter, who is once again a hell of a whiz kid, supporting her dear old dad by whatever means possible. Months later it looks like Mike Check’s daughter set up a website for her dear old dad called “The Mike Check Show”.
So now you know the story of Mike Check but something really odd popped up with recently. Last time we had heard anything of Mike Check he was locked up in Folsom Prison which is located in Sacramento, California. Recently, Mike Check made an appearance at the Series Finale of Wrestlecrap Radio which was recorded in Indianapolis, Indiana.
Here’s the question; how the hell was Mike Check able to leave prison and travel at least 2000 miles?!? You'd think someone that has escaped prison and traveled that far would raise a few eyebrows? Or what if Mike Check was able to leave prison a free man? If that’s the reason then how was he able to clear all of his charges which would include paying all of that overdue child support?
I wish I can get any of these questions answered but unfortunately I can’t. After his WCR Series Finale Mike Check just somehow disappeared from the face of the Earth and nobody has seen nor heard from the man since with the exception of the occasional post on his website. Nobody even known what Mike Check’s “whiz kid” of a daughter’s name is or what she looks like with the only description of her is that she’s basically a giant whore of a woman. So what am I supposed to do if I can’t find the man? Unfortunately I have to find him myself! Unfortunately!
I first started in my search for Mike Check by going to the men that most recently knew him; RD Reynolds & Blade Braxton! They did not respond to my questions about where Mike Check is and in all honestly I really don’t blame them! I called Folsom and they couldn’t give me a clear answer on how Mike Check got out of prison but all they can tell me is that he’s no longer there. With Mike Check no longer in prison I really had no clue in where the man is at and I had no idea in how to find him. So it looks like I won’t be able to find Mike Check so Hooray! Yeah I wish I was that lucky. PB says that I HAVE to find Mike Check or else he’s going to feed me to Zombie Nathaniel who is locked up right now in Trolla’s Research and Development. Damn it! I got to find Mike Check! Damn it all to bloody hell!
My first attempt at finding Mike Check is by re-listening to all the episodes he appeared in “Wrestlecrap Radio”. After listening to those episodes I would rather have been fed to Zombie Nathaniel than to listen to any more episodes featuring Mike Check but they didn’t provide any clues at all since he was literally all over the place country wise. I try to find anything that would mention any hints to Mike Check’s other kids that may be looking for him since they are his dad or maybe the parents to those kids are looking for the man to get the long lost child support that Mike Check owes. That was a giant can of worms that I accidentally opened! Too many kids looking for their Mike Check daddy and too many abandoned mothers looking for their money! The line of people wanting Mike Check is almost the equivalent of a nerd herd waiting for “Diablo 3” to be released! After hours of convincing all of them that I was looking for Mike Check as well they left me alone. The unfortunate hunt continues.
With no possible leads I somewhat gave up and headed to my home away from home which is my local strip club. I was there not only to relax but trying to bring some girls home since PB ordered for 2 blondes, a brunette, and a redhead. [The usual.] One of my “Stripper Friends” (a stripper that happens to be a friend of mine that I have no physical attachment to at all) came up to me and told me this really weird story. Apparently she met a blonde with really big boobs acting all funny; my friend was telling me she was doing “extras” in the VIP room because she can “smell it” (don’t make me go there) on her. The story continues that “this blonde” was going on and on about her dad wanting to team up with Rick Dees (a local Southern California DJ Legend) to be on KIIS FM’s morning show so he and Rick Dees can quit the station so they can form their own radio station “KBRO” The Burro and that it will “Play Well In The Market”! Well this “blonde’s” dad is so out of date since Rick Dees is no longer there and was replaced by Ryan Seacrest and…
Wait a damn minute! “Plays well in your market!?!?” NO WAY! I mean…NO WAY! Could this big faked boobed blonde be Mike Check’s daughter?!? I mean, seeing a blond with big, fake boobs in a strip club is about as common as a fish in an aquarium but the way this story turns out? It can’t be? Can it? I asked my friend if this blonde was a “hell of a whiz kid” and she did mention that one of the girls backstage had a problem with her smart phone and the blonde fixed it in no time! JACKPOT! I asked my friend if I can speak to her but unfortunately she didn’t come into work today because she kept telling people that she had to go to Sacramento to do a favor. Sacramento?!? Oh this is getting better and better! Folsom Prison is in Sacramento! But why is Mike Check’s daughter heading BACK to Sacramento if her dad is no longer in prison? This is getting very interesting here...
It looks like there are more questions there are answers here and unless I don’t want to get into trouble I have to go on a little field trip to my state’s great capital.
That’s right Raging_Demons is taking a TRIP…to Sacramento!
"Satan's" leaky roof must have turned to ice because Wrestlecrapradio.com have now jumped the shark on the Twitter bandwagon! Want to keep up-to-date with of this here website's news and updates? Then follow us @wwcrdotcom won't you!
Update on Blade's new show:
According the Blade Braxton's Twitter (@BladeBraxton), the new YouTube show, as well as a new podcast, will debut tentatively around late September. Check @wwcrdotcom for updates.
SummerFes......err Slam is just around the corner and yet I can only name about two matches on the card. Isn't it just a great time to be a wrestling fan? You know another company did this once. I think they had a C in their name....but that seems so long ago. And anyway, as much as people may be looking forward to SummerFes.....err Slam it's not really what I want to talk about.
I want to talk about CM Punk.
Yes, I know talking about Punk is kind of cliche nowadays, a throwaway topic when there's not a lot else to talk about. But it is interesting to see the different ways the WWE are using him and really for the first time in a long time they have opportunity to make something huge here.
A lot of people were upset when he turned not long after The Rock came back at Raw 1000 and said he'd be facing the champion at the Royal Rumble. I personally don't have a problem with it. To create an anti hero, a guy you cheer and back to the hilt you have to start him as a heel. It worked with Steve Austin, it worked with The Rock, it worked with 'Taker. Every endearing star of wrestling, every icon has had a big heel run BEFORE they became iconic. Even the biggest name of them all, Hulk Hogan began as a heel under "Classy" Freddie Blassie.
To be a major star in the business you have to work equally well as a heel as you do a babyface. In fact only two people have ever been an exception to this rule: Ricky Steamboat and Rey Mysterio and without meaning to insult them they both have one thing in common: they're the underdog, the battler, the man who takes a hell of a beating but somehow, some way pulls it off and wins the big one. Well Ricky was, Rey was just pushed to the big one over the body of Eddie Guerrero. They garner huge sympathy but I'm sorry they're not icons, they're not even on the map of major stars. I know that may sound controversial but hear me out.
To me there are only two ways to become iconic in the wrestling world and they're both from the Heel side of things. Remember the old argument I always make? For newcomers here it is.
Babyfaces sell MERCHANDISE
Heels sell TICKETS
To become iconic you have to do one of two things, either rile the audience so much they will pay money to see you get beat up. The Honky Tonk Man was the prime example there, there's a reason why he is regarded as having the greatest Intercontinental Title reign in history because he kept the title against all odds and all comers and kept riling the fans. Punk is also doing this in his own way. I was actually amazed to realise this just the other day but Punk is coming up on 9 months holding the WWE Title. To put that in perspective, in the previous 9 months the title changed hands 5 times (6 if you count the Rey Mysterio/John Cena Title Reigns in the two weeks Punk was away) and to get a matching length of time you have to go back to 2006. The WWE is doing something right for a change and now they must continue it.
Now I don't know if this is possible with schedules and the like but let me take a trip to Fantasy Booking Island here. Punk continues to hold the belt, all the way up to the Royal Rumble and stays in heel mode, he works better as a heel anyway. At the Royal Rumble he loses the title to Rock, but later that night he "Steals" a spot in the Rumble by beating up.....let's say for arguments sake Zack Ryder because really, they couldn't damage him any worse than they've done but hey that's a whole other column. He gets through all comers and is the last one standing in the ring.....he starts to celebrate, but the clock counts down to entrant number 30....John Cena. They have a knockdown, dragout fight and then...and this is rare for me...then you repeat the Royal Rumble 94 finish (Lex Luger and Bret Hart both being declared winners) It leads to a triple threat at Mania, in which Cena wins but in the same match, you turn the Rock heel and Punk face and with that you achieve three things. You use the Rock effectively in the short time you have him, you finally cement John Cena as the top guy by giving him the win he needed more than anything and you create a bankable hero for the next 10 years.
Because the second way you become iconic....is work so well as a heel that you actually become a face.
(Disclaimer: This was obviously not written by WWE's Jim Ross & is not intended as an insult to him (so please don't sue us). "Angry Jim" is a very loosely based parody based on the Wrestlecrap Radio character.)
(Disclaimer Disclaimer: The views expressed by Angry Jim are his own & do not reflect the opinions of Wrestlecrapradio.com.)
(Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Despite being a rather...strange man, he's been rather helpful in self-censoring himself. Say what you want about him, but he IS still a WWE employee after all. At least, he is this week. - PB)
How ya doin' tonight nerds!
I'm back from seeing the women’s rasslin at the London Olympics! There's nothing like watching two 78 kilo gals on top of each other grabbing...holds! If only Dark Journey was competing...I'd let her put my "leg" in her "lock"!
To make a quick "Pound", I set up "Jim's Olympic BBQ" stall; with the slogan: "Just like Usain Bolt, you can't beat my meat!" I hand-built a BBQ to look like the Olympic cauldron and re-branded my products to "Gold Medal Mustard", "The Clean & Beef Jerky” and "5 Rings Of Fire Hot Sauce"! It was selling well until that damn undercover cop, dressed in a mascot costume that looked like a hugh c**k, arrested me for selling Olympic branded merch without a permit! I tried to run but tripped and burned my ass on the grill!
I ended up in hospital (BTW my ass still hurts like hell, so if I read one Dr. Heiny joke I’ll set fire to your ****ing ass and see if you like it!) and met Sir Alec Heineken, who was there because he ****ed his back doing the Kama Sutra with his wife...that lucky b*****d! Since he's rich, I convinced him to help pay for my bail! But the b****ds still deported me! So thank ya Sir Alec, but the rest of ya Brits with your s**ty non-BBQ'd "Bangers and Mash", can Donald Duck yourselves!!
(R.V.M Kai's edit: JIIIM! It serves you right BTW, don't say I didn't warn you. But it was nice of Sir Alec to help you out. But did he also happen to help you with some tips to seduce your wife?)
Edit Edit: F*** yourself! And yes, he’s sending me a Kama Sutra Book and another erotic fan-fiction one to get her in the mood! I’m sure to be laid by Mailbag #4!
…So what do you the rest of you nerds want?
J, L asks: What do you think of Johnny Age leaving his post as VP of Talent Relations?
It’s about ****ing time! I kick myself everyday for giving his unemployed ass a job at WWE in the damn first place! After I stepped down as VP of Talent Relations, to concentrate on running my now defunct BBQ restaurant, he only got the gig because he kissed Vince’s ass! That incompetent raspy-voiced a**hole used his position to hire hosses and bimbos out of jerk mags (and try to **** my wife!) and the company's gone to the sh***er ever since!
Kyle Crow asks: Now don't go telling your wife to f**k herself to Triple H, she just might now...
No! Hunt's wife Steph would beat the s**t out of her if she knew! She’s tougher than a $2 steak! I wouldn’t even mess with that b***h...you should’ve seen the basketball-sized bruises on Paul E. after RAW 1000!
Ian Wallace-Cooper asks: What's your opinion of those absurd comments Kevin Nash made about smaller guys in the business?
Absurd?! Nash is right! You can't watch Porn with actors with small d***s! They should be at least the size of a 30 pound ham! And that's even if you're not gay...and I'm NOT (stop f***ing asking!)! Speaking of massive hams...my wife must be ****ing blind for not noticing MY 10 inch pork around the house!
(R.V.M Kai's edit: Um, I think you might of missed the point of his question Jim?)
Premier Blah asks: Is Hollywood John still working for you and not just taking joyrides on your lawnmower around town with it?
Yeah my lackey, Hollywood John, is still working for my BBQ & Gardening business. That sum b***h HAS been taking a joyrides on my damn lawnmower! I only found out because I discovered his feathered boa was stuck in the blades one morning! I whooped him live a Government Mule for that!
He also filled in for me on NXT last week so Vince didn't know I was gone; disguised in my hat and false beard! John does do a fine A.J.R. impression, but I still had to tell that dumbs**t 1000 times not to wear that ****ing feathered boa!
Iron Mark Tyson asks: Jim, what did AW mean about Kobe Bryant being Unstoppable in a Colorado hotel room?? He's at the London Olympics now?
What a f***ing mark!!
Greg Diener asks: Jim why can't you ever be happy? Why did you have to BBQ naked after Brother Midnight made you happy? But if you were "Happy Jim" why don't you create a happy JR account?!?!
1. Because you marks keep asking me these stupid questions for one!
2. I felt like it! Don’t knock it till you try it!
3. Happy Jim's Mailbag? How'd that look like?! "Hey I'm happy! Whoopdy ****ing do!"
…Ya know! Sir Alec's happy! He's rich and his wife actually ****s him! Maybe I could be more happy!........NAH! I'M ANGRY JIM! GO **** YOURSELVES!!
To view previous Mailbags go here. To send Angry Jim a REAL question or complaint (but not spam concerning penis enlargements...which Jim doesn't need apparently) you can Tweet him here.
Yes, for some reason known only to...me, a post covering the whole of the 'season' of 2005-6 has been 'found' and brought to the site. So what are you waiting for? Pretend it's a new episode of the radio progrem or something.