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Minisode #198 Shelly's No-Show

by iggy



July 22, 2011

Ride Donald Duck
Shelly Martinez was supposed to call long ago.
Sir Alec reads PETA's letter to Shawn Michaels.
New Jack facebooks Terri Runnels.
Satan calls.
WrestleCrap Radio Parties?
Mike Check got around.
Angry Jim Ross scares children.
Blade stumbles upon a Mike Tyson impression.

#fascinating #salmon suit

I've got nothing to say.

198 Null-Stars: July 22, 2011

82 minutes

Using the opportunity of C.M. Punk 'escaping' WWE with the Belt, Triple H has finally taken his revenge against Vince for putting him in The Chaperone and has temporarily replaced him on screen. My advice for his first order of business: remove whoever is running WWE Studios with someone more competent.

A rare deal this week only: you can have the Archive Disk for only $15! Related to that you can also get Blade's limited Midnight Rose shirt until August 15th.

:12 Blade wants to search the "Canon" to find how long his Doug Jarvis-style Mickey James mentioning streak has lasted. (Heh, it's funny seeing the legendary Hab winning his 6th Stanley Cup as an assistant coach with Boston) While I CAN tell you when they started talking about her in the first place, I'm not that much of a fool to go over the episodes AGAIN to pinpoint any gaps and holes in that streak. Not unless serious bribes are involved. Anyway, there's more shilling of this very site. RD wonders if a (no doubt fascinating) segment named "To Quote Mike Check" would be the next Fantasy Booking Island.

:17 Blade thinks the show is menstruating. I think it's more like it's going through menopause. RD's been in Europe much of the year, but he only took the opportunity just recently to go visit Disneyland Paris. At right is an example of what the "frogs" think is a fun ride to place their young children on. Speaking of unbroken hymens...sadly Popeye does not call in claiming to have made the ride. Shockingly Blade is not drunk...yet. Again, he's probably getting his 'caffeine' in Irish coffee. Cap'n Crunch Treasures are King Pedophile cereals in disguise. (:25) Sadly Popeye does not call in here either to show his approval.

:29 The Big Nippled Vampire was once supposed to be on the radio progrem against Damien Demento but for some reason she sadly couldn't make it (why am I not surprised?). Sad News: her webpage was down at the time of recording (it's up at the time of writing.) Sir Alec is summoned to try and take her place. (:35) He has another Shawn Michaels 'story' about him against PETA.

New Jack has been rather heated against his former girlfriend Terri Runnels, she of the house scam. (:43) Sad News: according to him she was spreading a venereal disease around the locker room. Sadder News: she was once involved with New Jack. Saddest News: remember when Don's friend fucked a horse?

:47 Satan's Tubular Bells are back to their regular 'normal' sound this week. He can't get inside Google Plus yet though. Those anti-daemonic wards must still be working. He reads for us more of New Jack, who apparently has 'naked photos' of her. Even worse is Gene Snitsky 'hacking' his own page to insult the Miz and his fans because he has a hot girlfriend instead of a foot fetishist bounty hunter angle.  Good news is RD doesn't bother to censor him this time, so his daemonic powers are probably at full power today.

:54 The BNV had some rather strange ring names. Poor lady, she must be far too nice to ask for more dignified sounding names. The Question of the Week is from Dallas James who is lonely and wants to crash a party. RD wants one made for the 200th episode. Blade wants uploaded footage of character dress up to be discussed on said episode.

:59 The HTMM is again a no-show so Jim calls instead. (:62) He needs a taste tester and takes the time to mock "Johnny Age" and can relate to a TNA Knockout's face paralysis. Then he abruptly leaves. 

:67 Blade does his Mike Tyson impression. C.M. Punk stores his belt in his fridge to make it Mountain Cold. RD can't help but watch a old clip of a random lady shooting on someone. Why she's not currently on Raw is a mystery for the ages.

Vince's fashion sense is as impeccable as always.

All kinds of stuff:
Vince in salmon suit.
Goodbye to wrestling, hello
Chicken of the Sea.

$5.00 ($28.00)



What's this? Blade's crossed the $25 mark with flying colors? Why, this calls for...well, a prize! Something bonus that can be fit into the jar (if physically possible) to commemorate this fantastic milestone.

What do you have for us Rich?


That's right Blah, it's The Price Is Right computer game! Now you too can have fun coming on down in the comfort of your own home! Get on the Showcase Showdown, get the chance to win a brand new car, or even just mess around just to hear those legendary losing horns while flirting with Carey's Cuties. It can be done with this Nintendo John Seal Of Approval game right in your hands! All this in stunning Windows XP-era graphics for the amazing actual retail price of $19.99, but only if...The Premier Is Right! Back to you, Blah.

($28.00 plus TPIR game for $19.99)

(Many thanks to Robert Q. Seidelman for the item recommendation. Check out his site here. Trust me, it's far more funny than anything I could write.)

Minisode #197 Savage Boner

by iggy



July 1, 2011

RD has something to say.
Randy Savage got excited at SummerSlam '88.
Angry Jim Ross sounds like Freddy Kreuger.
Satan recites Gorgeous George's facebook rant.
When's the next show?
CM Punk shoots.
BM Punk shoots.

#lex express #happy 4th of july

This was the third minisode produced. That's one more edition than "WCR References." Anyone who wants to revive that feature should contact PB. *crickets*

[I need to find a way to contact myself I suppose... - PB]

The "I Have Something to Say" List from Show #197 (July 1, 2011)



Watch the video package by Lanny's Perm Juice here & here.

Click here for episode recap.

. . . .

List by Erik Majorwitz (as found here)

R.D. Reynolds finally pays up on his Pro Bowl bet, from when, the boys don't know, but believe it was from 2004 or 1983.

Special Guests: "Angry" Jim Ross, Satan, BM Punk, Randy Baer, Troy Ferguson, and Glen Danzig w/ impostors



I've Something to Say #1: Me and Gay Popeye were doing some Han Solo and Gweedo role play in bed last night. I shoot first, if you know what I mean.

I've Something to Say #2: Ricky Steamboat vs Ric Flair is probably something that has sparked more discussions and disagreement between avid wrestling fans than anything else. To be honest, I'd anally rape them both.

I've Something to Say #3: When the Big Show chokeslammed me, the feeling of being touched by his "bowling ball" like hands gave me a raging hard on.

I've Something to Say #4: Ohh, you're hurting me Gay Popeye! Use lube next time.

I've Something to Say #5: Big country booty, big country booby, booyah! (censored) ???

I've Something to Say #6: Don...Don Mason is correct. It does come bubbling back on you.

I've Something to Say #7: The baby batter in my bladder makes me fatter.

I've Something to Say #8: You've got mail! Everytime AOL would tell me that, I daydreamed about receiving a girthy penis in my in box.

I've Something to Say #9: General Solo, is your Mon Mothma anal strike team assembled?

I've Something to Say #10: Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, want to take a ride on your disco stick? don't think to much, just but that lick, I want to take a ride on your disco stick. Hut!

I've Something to Say #11: Phenomable. Phenomable woman. Phenomable woman. That is me.

I've Something to Say #12: I really love the taste of Linda McMahon's vagina juice.

I've Something to Say #13: I once faked palsy in 1993 so I could ride shotgun on the Lex Express.

I've Something to Say #14: You know what the wrestling business has been missing lately? Tassles. ???

I've Something to Say #15: I want to see a sex tape with Iscises the Amazon and Nicole Bass.

I've Something to Say #16: And to answer that age old question Bailey or Jennifer from WKRP, I'd go with Jennifer. If only to have sweet, sweet incest with Aunt Lonnie.

I've Something to Say #17: Last Friday, I was alone in the house and decided to get out a trash bag and start trash bagging it. I must say that I enjoyed it. Yes oh yes, I R.D. Reynolds love to trash bag.

I've Something to Say #18: Awesome Kong maybe in the WWE, but she can show me that TNA anytime.

I've Something to Say #19: That's way the pants cookie crumbles.

I've Something to Say #20: I fart ass milk. ???

I've Something to Say #21: I am a magical fairy man. I like ponies, flowers, boy bands, and wearing pink ribbons in my hair.

I've Something to Say #22: That kid, that kid is back on the escalator again.

I've Something to Say #23: I'm jealous of Stubby because he gets fisted by Blade on a regular basis.

I've Something to Say #24: My own personal version of Heaven is watch nothingRusso-lead WCW while eating alien ham and ham Doritos and washing it down with Captain Crunch milkshake. Also, my other nickname besides The Deal is Bluto So yes, I am Gay Popeye's lover.

I've Something to Say #25: You can have your Jerry Rices, your Michael Irvins, your Art Monks, your Steve Largents, and Calvin Johnsons Blade, but the most sure handed wide receiver in NFL history is Hank Baskett

I've Something to Say #26: The Road Warrior Animal pregnancy without panties angle will never be mentioned again.

I've Something to Say #27: Hey Jim Boy, y'all ever had a real Georgia style mint julip?

I've Something to Say #28: I would spend all my money at Dennys where all the eggs were cooked on Sunny's labia.

I've Something to Say #29: MS DEAL, I'M LEAVING YOU FOR GAY POPEYE, I WANT HIM TO SWAB MY POOP DECK!

I've Something to Say #30: Dr. Robert Q. Sidelman is the sexiest man alive.

I've Something to Say #31: I've had to do this whole show standing up because Gay Popeye came over last night to play my custom cornhole game.

I've Something to Say #32: Blade you will have to excuse me, Mexican night has caused me to come down with a terrible case of the runs. The tacos, burritos, quesdillas, and taquitos have resulted in me having to paint my toilet bowl all shades of brown. (farting noises)

I've Something to Say #33: I think that Curtis Painter youngster doesnt get the respect he deserves. Screw you Peyton Manning!

I've Something to Say #34: The swear jar windfall will be shoved up my anus.

I've Something to Say #35: Ms Deal, get Ian Rotten on the phone right now!

I've Something to Say #36: Did I ever tell you about the time the Bushwackers licked me on the head. Not the one about my shoulders.

I've Something to Say #37: I've often been fantasized by being double teamed by the American Males or maybe totally buff. As long as Marcus Bagwell is involved I'm down, if you know what I mean.

I've Something to Say #38: I'll bet Gay Popeye can't deep throat.

I've Something to Say #39: Hello, my name is Gwen, I'm here to wash your vagina.

I've Something to Say #40: I spend my day working hard on the go, but the hand on the clock keeps spinning too slow. I can't wait to be alone with my funk sock tonight. Turn the lights down bolt the door.

I've Something to Say #41: No means yes, yes means anal.

I've Something to Say #42: Tiny things please tiny minds and when a thing is this tiny it would be hard to please anybody.

I've Something to Say #43: Blade I know how much you like talking about firm buttocks and massive knobs, did I ever tell you about the massive orgy of 1975 where yours truely was involved. I was so off it that night and I only had two drinks and one wasn't alcohol. I came across two women and a man and that was before the night.

I've Something to Say #44: I would love to try Don...Don Mason's caramel topping on me.

I've Something to Say #45: Everytime I hear "Angry" Jim's voice I grow alittle in size, if you know what I mean.

I've Something to Say #46: My first love broke my heart for the first time. I was like oh baby, baby. Thought you'd always be mine mine. Baby baby O... Too stupid to type sorry.

I've Something to Say #47: I'm a big fan of Reptilian Ric Flair.

I've Something to Say #48: I wish I could be in the middle of a human centipede of Gay Popeye and Nicole Bass.

I've Something to Say #49: Dr. Feelgood parody

I've Something to Say #50: Chickedy Chyna, wanna get that vagina, freak like Steiner.

Random Thoughts from the Office: July 1, 2011

Wow. We're finally updating? It's been so long since we had an update I was beginning to think there'd never be one and up until Wednesday I had no idea what I was going to write about. See, I've slacked off a bit from my duties as a wrestling fan. Not because the product has gotten worse or anything, I mean the WWE are at least trying to make new stars, like R-Truth's push, that's been a great step in the right direction. TNA is still a hopeless failure but a never ending source of material, which provided there's another update before the next vernal equinox I will get to.

No, the main reason I didn't have a column idea is because since the last update I have gotten hold of a creature I had thought to be a myth up until about 5 weeks ago: A girlfriend. So wrestling had kind of taken a backseat for me.

Then CM Punk came and saved the day for me.

So this "Worked Shoot" promo got a lot of people talking, and really for all the scripted things in there you couldn't fault Punk for his views. I mean the WWE seems unwilling to gamble with the main event stars. There's only two the company has any faith in whatsoever, John Cena and Randy Orton. Woe betide the WWE if one of them gets injured.

Now the WWE are trying but they always run into this catch-22 scenario they seem to impose on themselves. Basically it breaks down to this: You can't get a big star until you've won a feud and looked strong against an established big star (Cena or Orton) but you can't go over and look strong against an established big star because you yourself are not a big star.

Look at the two most recent examples that have come down the line for the WWE in terms of who they're trying to move into the main event. R-Truth and Christian. R-Truth has been the hottest thing going on in wrestling in the past month, his heel promos about Little Jimmys and Johnnys and his ascertations he's been in a conspiracy have made him by far the hottest heel the WWE had. The stage was set at Capitol Punishment where the time was right for Truth to at least get a run, maybe a one month, two month thing leading into Summerslam, but instead we had the glorious spectactle of Truth jobbing to a cup of soda; what momentum he had was squashed. All hail the last son of Krypton.

But as bad as Truth has had it, there ain't NOBODY who has been screwed over as much as Christian. Remember the feelgood moment we all shared when Christian grabbed the brass ring and won the World Heavyweight title in that ladder match. One of the guys who'd given us so much entertainment had finally got his time to shine! Remember the horror we all felt two days later when we read the Smackdown Spoilers? It had to be a joke right? He lost to Orton already? That can't be right. Of course it WAS right and the IWC collectively lost its shit.

Now there's two ways you can go about this and try and make money.

1) Have Orton feel sorry that the match was sort of sprung on him, offer Christian a rematch at the pay per view, then when Christian wins, have Orton snap and beat the everloving crap out of him, turn heel and you have a hot feud that can take you to Summerslam.

2) As much as the IWC wouldn't like it, turn Christian heel, have him win the belt back at the Pay Per View and give Orton something to chase, Christian meanwhile plays the cocky yet cowardly heel, constantly sneak attacking, constantly setting up roadblocks for Orton, anything to avoid getting back in the ring with him until finally at Summerslam he has no choice but to put it all on the line against Orton. Orton wins, fans go home happy, both are bigger stars and you have a new main eventer to put in your back pocket when you need to go there.

But of course the problem with that is (Say it with me here) Christian isn't a big star, so they go through the early steps of turning him heel and setting him up for the pay per view, they don't pull the trigger and there's nothing but Orton and the associates left on Smackdown.

It's not rocket science, in fact it's Booking 101. Create new stars, and new talent that the fans will pay money to see fight and watch the cash roll in. Put it this way if Zack Ryder was the WWE champion right now. The WWE would do better buyrates.

The time has come to create new stars, and the time of relying on the Big Two has to stop and if the Idiotic Daughter and the Doofus Son-in-Law don't realize it and convince the old man to change, there may not be much of a company left for them to take over when the old man dies.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

197 I have something to say...3-D: July 1, 2011

101 minutes

The AFC lost the Pro Bowl, so RD must recite many listener-submitted insults. This is despite him trying to make everyone forget about his debt by having so many weeks pass without updating the radio progrem. A noble attempt to be sure, but futile.

But it's no time like the present, and the Co-Fruitcakes have to make it up by discussing the passing of Randy Savage. (:09 - :17) He once had an erection at some point in time that only Blade noticed. But he's not gay or anything.

RD's PSA (:22): Use more efficient methods for birth control. Ruffles Double-Fisted Bacon Cheeseburger Chips have a rather unfortunate name, despite their taste.

RD went to Disneyworld again for a Star Wars Weekend (:28) where he met a Mon Mothma impersonator. Apparently Peter Pan moonlights as Luke Skywalker. If he ever comes up to you and asks if you want to accompany him to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters, for goodness' sake, don't go with him!

The Midnight Rose and Mr. Fitness II are fighting vertically-challenged combatants in Topeka on the 16th. (:40) The bare mention of his name is enough to get Tony's Theme running, like it always seems to do. It's his ring tone or something.

Rose is also with Jim Ross and Stubby sending weird submissions to the Honky Tonk Man on his second shoot DVD. Some random online reviewer doesn't get them, thinking that Jim sounded somehow like Freddy Krueger. Jim calls to dissuade him (badly). (:45) Apparently he was a big fan of 38 Special.

Satan's Tubular Bells sound different somewhat. (:50) Gorgeous George thinks she's Jim Ross. (But not sadly as Freddy Krueger.) "The Devil made me do it." is her excuse.

The HorseTrolla tells us that Mickey James is 'opening up' for that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish. [I wonder what would draw more. A concert with Mickie and that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish....Or a TNA live event? - Clarence] (:55)

Warning: Do not
consume rectally.
(:59) RD has to answer another Question from Facebook, which is tough as no one wrote an actual question.  He cheats by reading one of those 'questions' from Robert Stenburgh. Blade analyzes the current movie scene.

The Honky Tonk Mail Man has no deliveries for Blade this week. (:64) Perhaps he also works for Canada Post and was on strike.

:66 Blade keeps listening to that 'rerun' of Mike Check as Bob Ali at WTKO The Knockout. RD wonders if this particular episode will be called "Summerslam '88 Boner" for some reason. You're confusing me, Randy.

The big news this week is rather obvious: CM Punk's 'rampaging' worked shoot at the end of Raw. The Fruitcakes have some sort of discussion on the response, which involves Scott Steiner for some reason.

SPEAKING OF Scott Steiner (:76), RD can't help but show Blade a promo for his workout video, which involves him being dry humped by two groupies.

:80 Blade decides to just give RD all the suitable submissions he wants him to say. However, many make no sense and keep referencing Gay Popeye, thus diluting their potency. Better luck next time Mr. Brakestown, I say.

That being said, whoever came up with the line "the Swear Jar, when full, will be shoved up my ass." is an absolute genius.

Someone has written a haiku for RD:
Chick-a-dee Chyna.
Wanna get that vagina
and freak like Steina'.

In what could only be loosely termed as a Alexander Pope style 'satire', B.M. Punk has his own work shoot worked shoot on-air diarrhea. (:96) But I'm too lazy to remove his character profile from this website.

$4.25 ($23.00)

I AM planning for an extra 'reward' for Blade to have to pay when he passes that $25 dollar tier. Whatever it is though, I have to think on still. Suffice to say it should be...something, alright.
 



[Edit: A full list of Deal's "I have something to say" quotes can be read here]