(Disclaimer: This was obviously not written by WWE's Jim Ross & is not intended as an insult to him (so please don't sue us). "Angry Jim" is a very loosely based parody based on the Wrestlecrap Radio character.)
(Disclaimer Disclaimer: The views expressed by Angry Jim are his own & do not reflect the opinions of Wrestlecrapradio.com.)
(Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Despite being a rather...strange man, he's been rather helpful in self-censoring himself. Say what you want about him, but he IS still a WWE employee after all. At least, he is this week. - PB)
How ya doin' tonight nerds!
Did you have a happy Thanksgiving? I didn't! So go **** yourselves! My wife still won't let me stuff her Turkey! So I’m Angry and thankful for nothing this year! Amongst all the **** that's happened to me lately like; losing the election (more on that **** later), I also got fired from announcing WWE Raw! I’ve been insisting on Raw having a three-man-booth, with me in it, once King got back from his recovery. Of course, Vince said no! So now I’m back to just making BBQ sauce with Hollywood John again!
Also, Halloween ****ing sucked! I cancelled my UWF Haunted House that I was planning because of the rumor that my wife f***ked all the guests, except me, the last time I hosted it. Which was just as well because I was busy on my Presidential campaign anyway that night. I almost got arrested for nearly running over some idiot, that looked too old to be trick-or-treating, who I thought was just a big Turkey. I was going to kill it and pluck it (I said "pluck" not ****!) for Thanksgiving! But it turned out to be that dumb Iron Mark Tyson wearing a s****y Penguin costume that he saw Kaitlyn make on Saturday Morning Slam! That ****ing mark!
Just to let you nerds know: AngryJRsBBQ's having a Black Friday sale today! I'm selling BBQ aprons at $22.99! That's $1 less than that no-pants ****head Brother Midnight! And all of my BBQ Party Presidential merchandise is 80% off! All stock must go! You better hurry today because tonight I'm BBQ’ing the lot!
And here come the ****ing questions:
GregDiener asks: So Jim how did you feel that you lost the election?
One word: "Angry!"...No **** I have more to say on this ****! You know why I lost the damn election?! That idiot Hollywood John failed to get me on the Presidential ballot anywhere except in Oklahoma! And even that was misspelled as "Angry Mitt". But what’s the difference! I bet you nerds voted for those two never-BBQ’d-a-day-in-their-life Obama and Romney anyway, because you nerds are all ****ing idiots that hate BBQ’ing! Go **** yourselves!
[Sorry readers. Remember to send all your complaints to Angry Jim, not us. –RVMKai]
Oh, and Donald Trump's rumor about me is bull****! I was born in Oklahoma USA...not Kazakhstan! F*** yourself & get a real man's haircut like mine Don!
Raging Demons asks (paraphrased from the RD Experiment): You know that time when Cole and Heidenreich were together in that room and it looked all prison rapey? I’ve got a little thing that maybe it was YOU that was filming it! And you were doing something obscene to that and getting off to Heidenreich wanting to rape Cole for some reason? But it’s true!
Go **** yourself! What truth? I didn't film Heidenreich a** raping Cole! It was the WWE camera man who filmed it, not me you ****! Plus, I didn't get off on it...in a sexual way! I just thought it was ****ing funny (and I don't laugh that much)! Cole is g** so he probably enjoyed having Heidenreich **** up his ***!
...And before one of you marks out there claim I’m homophobic! Like the time some marks got upset because I said during my commentary at “Hell in a Cell” that "Seeing a man naked is not my idea of a good night!" It’s not homophobic! It’s Just my preference! My idea of a good night would be to actually see my wife naked for once, so obviously I haven’t had a “good night” in four ****ing years!
Dissatisfied Customer asks: Jim! I had feathers in my BBQ sauce I bought from you! I demand a refund!
F***! I’ve been getting some complaints recently about feathers in my last shipment of BBQ sauce! So if you bought BBQ sauce from me in the last couple of months you can get a refund! It's because that dumba** Hollywood John insists on wearing his f***ing feathered boa when making it and had dropped it in the last batch that was sent out! For that, I'm going to BBQ’ John’s boa in the fire tonight and deducting his pay...that’s if I remembered to pay the b*****d this month?!
The Honky Tonk Mailman asks: Jim I just heard the news from the latest Wrestling Observer, hot off the presses, that you're running for President. So the Honky Tonk Mailman is delivering the special stamps that ya ordered with the slogan; “Taste My Victory or **** yourselves!” where ya'll can lick the BBQ sauce off of it. Thank ya very much!
Well, that's more **** for the fire tonight! So f*** ya very much!
TrashLosagain asks: Jim.. You should be ashamed of yourself. What would Bill Watts and John Tatum think of your mouth?
What would Bill Watts say? He'd say "Go **** yourself!" Have you ever heard him backstage during our Mid-South/UWF Days?! He makes my mouth sound like a ****ing Kindergarten Teacher! So I’ll ****ing say what I ****ing want! How I ****ing want to! And that's how Angry Jim's gonna stay! So shove it up your ***!
To view previous Mailbags go here. To send Angry Jim a REAL question or complaint (but not spam concerning penis enlargements...which Jim doesn't need apparently) you can Tweet him here.
I'm going through a rough patch right now offline so I decided to drop the usual routine of supplying you guys with pro wresting & pop culture news with a very special 1 hour Podcast. The truth behind some of the people that I've met & whom I consider as friends comes out while I give out my opinions on some topics which include the modern hardcore wrestling fan a.k.a. "The Internet Wrestling Fan". And much, much, more. You got to check it out.