Minisode #124 A Seance-Trolla Halloween

by iggy



October 24, 2008

Roddy Piper's Halloween PSAs
RD receives the Seance-Trolla
Stubby gets seanced.
Angry Jim calls
Johnny Six gets seanced.

#palsy #sandpaper

124 Weird Seance: October 24, 2008

The Big Annual Halloween Episode
85 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

Halloween arrives a week early at WrestleCrap HQ, with new writings to make up for the lack of update for the following week.

If you see this thing on your doorstep,
it's Blade, and he is about to rob you.
Roddy Piper PSAs return (:03) Blade wonders on the man's virility, and then waxes nostalgic on lurking molesters. He also considers dressing up as Darth Maul for the big day. (:09) Discussion is made of wearing the costume of Village People's Leather Man. (:10) Blade wore a Darth Maul cape to play a prank on his sister (:14) RD may be Magnum P.I. Talk is made of a new induction (Diva Halloween.)

Chris Engler of the Trolla Corporation has sent RD yet another gift (:16) which turns out to be a crystal ball. (An actual ball, it's not an euphemism or anything) This is the SeanceTrolla, used for talking to those beyond this mortal coil. Expect a MySpace page of it up shortly. Don...Don Mason made a Freddy vs. Jason movie with Blade featuring stunt doubles, which is also one of the new inductions (:22) Much talk is made about it.

The SeanceTrolla activates making loud stock footage noises (:26) and when it finally calms down we hear the voice of...Stubby, of all people. Everyone misses him of course, and even his laugh track makes a return. He doesn't like it in death but at least he doesn't have Blade's hand up his ass. Blade fondly remembers him for "your jokes throughout the five episodes you were on." He makes some trademark spiels and his theme music takes him out. Blade and RD wonder on the "Supernatural apparatus" and "Evil presence" involved with their new prop.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery World Food Aisle - After discussion of weird trick or treat items, RD tries Aero Bars (:38) and sings some Aerosmith. His verdict: gritty like sandpaper (Blade's eaten sandpaper and liked it), but RD doesn't like it due to the holes inside it from 'ants'. Its SUPPOSED to be that way!

The SeanceTrolla flares up (:42) as the fallen cricket Jermaine chirps. RD understands him like Luke Skywalker does with R2-D2. RD looks for the crickets to converse to Jermaine through their own chirps, Blade recommends drawing them with a bad joke. RD: "This is the most fascinating segment ever." According to Blade we're listening to yet another Jump-The-Shark episode. Wouldn't it make more sense for this to be a Hop-The-Cricket instead?

The FaxTrolla (:47) has ONE piece of news website: Who is the WCW Halloween Phantom? The only thing we know of him is that he has a mustache. Perhaps he's actually Leather Man of the Village People?

The SeanceTrolla activates (:53) but the music changes to...Fantasy Booking Island? Mr Roarke and Tattoo make cameo appearances.

The Question Statement of the Week from Jared (:55) activates the SeanceTrolla again to bring up a vision of the Dusty Rhodes book. Blade thinks it died of a broken heart. Mention is made of RD's Jared shoot video Today's submitter listens to WCR only while high but sadly does not win any award or prize for it. Now if he were listening to it while high and having sex, then we would have a winner.

'Nathaniel' calls (:59) 'His' theme music is thought of as a bad Trolla byproduct. Amid all the crap of 'his' fast talking: TNA in HD? The SeanceTrolla thankfully stops 'him' after just 3 minutes. (:62) Blade wants Mrs. Deal to kill Nathaniel with the help of a PayPal account. The SeanceTrolla clears; of course it's Johnny 6 taped together with duct tape. "I Am Happier Dead Than Watching T N A Leave Me Alone" he says before he rolls away. You might as well call that thing the Old Segment Reanimator Trolla.

Jim Ross spends some time to call in (:68). He's angry on not being invited to Raw's 800th show, most likely to do with his Palsy face. He swears at Blade while doing so.

Music-less (still) Current Wrestling News (:72) Scant mentioning is made of the first episode of Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling. One hit wonder Tiffany was knocked out in the first round, probably due to her wearing granny panties. Blade suggests her only hit song for a theme. YouTubing of that song occurs. (Your usual commentary here.)

Blade's Moment of Seventeen Syllables:
Tiffany got cut.
What could have been beautiful?
More granny panties.

Blade thus gets a good idea of a good costume: Tiffany's granny panties. Coming soon to a cinema near you: Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Tiffany!

Minisode #123 Trish Doesn't Like Jim's Meat

by iggy



October 17, 2008

Outdated balloons in the Macy's Parade
Don Mason called the phone sex line for companionship
RD creates bad segments like Fantasy Booking Island
Taco Bell ranch taco shell kit
Ric Flair Spotted with Bear
Angry Jim calls about Trish shilling for Burger King, and talks about Bill Watts snuggling Dark Journey

#beloved #quadruple laugh

123 Ric Flair Spotted With Bear: October 17, 2008

Ric Flair Spotted With Bear
(80 minutes)
Written by Premier Blah

We start the show with, of course, Nathaniel attempting to ring in. I have one thing to say, he's VERY persistent. RD argues with himself while Blade wishes for Peter Gazer to have an Honorable Discharge from the Navy (:02) RD tries to defend the show's wrestling veracity a bit, something that I do not really complain about. Whereupon he brings up some strange case of deja vu/old news/time warp of the Honky Tonk Man (again) nearly losing his finger before his appearance on Cyber Sunday. WWE is now charging people to vote on their hotline (:06) Don...Don Mason once called up sex lines just to talk. Don...donmason.com and uncharistmaticenigma.com have not yet been taken. Speaking of Don Mason...more fellow Crappers prefer his segments than RD's TRIP to the Grocery. (:12)

Speaking of RD's TRIP to the Grocery, delayed very slightly by RD and Blade waxing nostalgic about their earlier segments and attempts at actual wrestling news and Blade enjoying frozen dinners alongside his Miller Lite and V8 and discussion about tacos...RD tries Ranch Taco shells (:21). Blade finds it all "interesting", but somehow is slowly getting angered by their intense discussion about Taco Doritos for some reason. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. Although, what's he going to do while drunk? Drive over to your house?

...

...

...

*Crickets*

OK, I deserved that. 

Obscure Wrestling News, overflowing with information this week. (As it always seems to be.) Balls Mahoney's money was stolen from his bag (:26) RD can't understand chained wallets. Ah, these kids today...Blade does his Balls Mahoney impression by reading one of his psychotically written statements where he vows to kill the thief who stole his family's sustenance. Apparently he hasn't heard of banks. Still, if I were him at least I would be thankful he didn't lose his money in the bad financial markets as of this writing.

I bet the rematch is only
available through paid DLC.
Ric Flair was spotted with a guy in a bear suit which causes our co-hosts to crack up. (:31) This leads to our Dynamic Duo YouTubing the Theme to BJ and the Bear while wondering of their anal sexual activities (with the following comment from YouTuber tracyterry: "i heard Greg fucked the fuckin monkey up the ass between takes :P". I'm willing to bet that next week will feature the Theme to either TJ Hooker or Man From Atlantis. WrestleCrap Radio, your perfect source of BJ and the Bear news! (You can find video of their escapades here. As for Ric Flair's escapades, we now have a logical reason for that.)

This Week's Interactive Segment: Dawn Marie poses with a Jokeress (or is that Harley Quinn?). (:41) Poor woman. I know she can't help that smile but she'll never live it down.

The WWE 24/7 Music unexpectedly pops up, taking RD by surprise (:43). Blade names the month after himself by the fact that they showed his first appearance on a RAW show, the one with the first mention of D-X. (coincidentally enough on an October 13th, my birth-date). Can YOU find him?

Question of the Week: More like Questioning of the Week, as RD and Blade talk with Jay Watts, the man behind (pun fully intended) bignippledvampire.com Not much to see here, but he does offer the privilege to help him with his site through his email at jaywwatts@gmail.com (:48 - :56)

Oh Emperor, Nathaniel's back for more TNA news. I know that this is all a long, long, long...long joke and all, but it will only be all worth it if we get to the ultimate punchline: Angry JR as TNA correspondent. Think about it, won't you? He takes seven minutes this time. An equally upset Blade wonders (as I do) if Johnny 6 can be rebuilt, preferably better, stronger, faster.

CM Punk will be in the Chicago Thanksgiving Day Parade (:65) Blade wonders if Mickie James would be dressed as a centaur, leading to further talk about Thanksgiving Day Parades. The second strangest segue in WCR is used here, and with good effect: Trish Stratus, Haiku Plagiariser for Burger King at meathaiku.com (and also at http://rajah.com/base/node/13884) . (:70) Her Haiku for posterity's sake:

Do yoga, eat meat
Stratusfaction guaranteed
Do the body good

The phone rings again (:73) - but it's Jim Ross thankfully, and not Nathaniel. (Skykid has made a youtube video of this phone call.) He too is angry over how our Meat Curtain Diva is hopping on the WCR rip-off bandwagon (while regaling the Dynamic Duo about Dark Journey's sexual proclivities with Bill Watts. And it looks like he wrote his own Haiku about it too. Why am I not surprised? (:79)

Trish don't like my meat.
Neither does my fucking wife.
Fuck all them bitches.

And now Jim has to get back to work on his new flavor: Canadian Hickory Barbeque Sauce. Well, if it helps make this episode go down better, I'm all for it!

Minisode #122 Nathaniel's Debut

by iggy



October 10, 2008

Stroop Koekjes
Sandman retires, Blade drinks
Nathaniel debuts
The Ratings Reaper scares Nathaniel away

#pasty #Calliope

122 Bound For Glory Holes: October 10, 2008

This Week's Rating: 1.0
(88 minutes)
Written by Premier Blah

Big celebration of TNA here at Wrestlecrap! Pac Man Jones inducted as part of the festivities, while the three Classic Inductions are all TNA related. It Came From YOUTUBE! features some weird TNA remix video with Dave Meltzer, Someone Bought This are some random T-Shirts as if sold from some TNA Garage Sale, and the Jobber of the Week is the previousy inducted Mr. X.

New Navy recruit Peter Gazer is mentioned barely one minute in. RD remarks on the bondage-themed names of TNA's PPVs, and suggests changing TNA's name to the more dignified S&M. (:03) RD already has Peter's new replacement for TNA news after a week of intensive search for the "ultimate TNA fan" for "100% wrestling news". I'm surprised the crickets didn't start chirping in response. Blade tries to sing Pat Benatar. (:07) Speaking of Blade singing karoake...he is still recording tracks with the Hobo Six as we speak. (:10) The Wrestlecrap Archive Disc Volume 2 will be ready to be pre-ordered from next week.

RD's Trip to the Grocery World Food Aisle: RD prepares for an upcoming business trip to Germany and the Netherlands by pondering the notion of a Dutch wrestler with wooden shoes (what, not a pot smoker wearing tulips? For shame!) while eating some Stroop Koekjes, literally syrup cookies (:20). Those things are delicious, let me tell you. Cue your standard quips about eating in a sexual manner.

Obscure Wrestling News/Sad News Hybrid: The Sandman retiring causes Blade to drink. (:24) RD believes Blade forgot the discussion of his son Twisted Sand starting his own wrestling career; of course RD himself forgets that that was the episode where Triple Kelly filled in for a missing Blade, so neither side is in the right here. The Warrior's ex-wife is trying to publish a tell all book about their marriage. (:28) This of course leads to a six-minute digression of Blade buying Kimberly Page's head, this week's Interactive Segment. RD wonders if Blade used the head as some sort of second foreskin/penis head, and further grinds the show to a halt by imagining the Warrior with a double-donger. Yeah, you're not missing much. Goodnight everybody!

The brother of Smackdown's Eve, AKA the Anonymous Brooke clone who won the 2007 Diva Search (yeah I don't remember her either), won $100,000 on Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?. (:38) Blade's passionate reading of her statement reminds RD of "Rambo" Greg Gagne. Here's a thought, why isn't HE on the show? License to print money I say.

Sources have told RD that the Shockmaster is getting his own action figure (:48), though whether or not royalties to George Lucas have to be paid for the stormtrooper helmet remain to be seen. (Perhaps he can be this generation's King Haiku; "Does not come with helmet as illustrated.") Dangerous Danny Davis and Trish Stratus are also getting their own figures, if you're interested.

Dream Analysis: Blade dreams of talking to Mickie James about Transformers in his moon van. (:52) I'm surprised he didn't compare her to a Ford Mustang. Don Mason once ate his own roofies. (:60) RD wonders if he even exists, forgetting entirely his role in Blade's Revenge of the Black Scorpion movie.

Speaking of people probably existing Schrödinger-style the latest TNA Correspondent Nathaniel Edward Rodham Davis, enters with the TNA intro end-tailed with an explosion. (:61) Prophetic much? For those of you unable to listen to this latest atrocity in WCR history he's essentially Randy Baer with a high-pitched geek/nerd/poindexter tone of voice. Also known as a white Urkel. It's unfortunate my Montreal Canadiens stein is not filled with some V8 and Miller Lite, I don't think I can finish this thing sober (No joke, I bought one the other day. It's really neat). Do yourself a favor and don't waste 12 [!!!] minutes of your life like I did, skip to 73 minutes and the Question of the Week.

This week's "Question" ("trapped in 2002", much like our good friends here) (:73) is again not answered interrupted by Nathaniel CONSTANTLY RINGING IN!!! Sigh. Ken the Major Danger Ranger's 4th attempt to send in a question is about referees. RD gets out of answering it by having the phone ring again. RD and Blade need Titantrons of the Crickets for the Archive Disc.

Current (and Music-less) Wrestling News: Smackdown's ratings have dropped to 1.9 (:78). Let's hope the return of the Boogeyman brings them back up. Blade remembers the good old days of wrestling when things were good and the radio progrem had not begun yet. Santino may wrestle Roddy Piper, Goldust, or the Honky Tonk Man, depending on your votes for Cyber Sundays/Taboo Tuesdays. (:82) Kelly Kelly is poised to pose for Playboy. No word on whether she'll do any handstands for the shoot though.

Seventeen barely able to Strip Syllables:
Kelly Kelly nude.
What's next? Anonymous Brooke
spreads in Beaver Hunt.

That phone ringing is going to haunt my nightmares, let me tell you.

Minisode #121 Peter Gazer Exits

by iggy



October 3, 2008

R.I.P. Moolah and MoolahTrolla
The Don Mason Trilogy
Yorkie candy bars are for girls.
Peter Gazer sends a Dear John Letter.
Angry Jim doesn't get MyNetworkTV on his giant satellite dish in the yard.

#ace bandage #paper mache

121 Tonight's Episode: Fatal Disaster: October 3, 2008

Tonight's Episode: Fatal Disaster
(69 minutes)

Blade's in bed for this one, because he decided to copy WWE by blowing out his knee (:03). Don Mason has a myspace (:08). He once molested a cabbage patch doll for some reason (:11). RD thinks of renaming the progrem as the Don Mason memorial podcast.

RD's Trip to the Grocery: RD eats a Yorkie, which is "NOT FOR GIRLS!" (:18), because it causes miscarriages.

Obscure Wrestling News: Jesse Ventura's getting a show on TruTV (:25), that will be canceled quickly because that's a bad idea. RD imitates Jack Palanche. The WCR Curse. Sean Waltman wants to start DeGeneration Mex in AAA, which somehow leads to Blade imitating Cosby (:27). Investigation of WCR mysteries. Norman Lear and his silly hat plan to make something of U.S. territorial wrestling in the 1970s (:33), proving that Norman Lear is senile and HBO is faltering. Shawn Stasiak has a podcast (:38) that should've been called Doctor Meat.

Question of the Week from Ismael Naji (3): This week's interactive is the Barnaby Jones opening (:45) (Barnaby Jones commentary video by Forgotten Sin; WCF 6)

TNA Peter Gazer has enlisted in the Navy (:51), which is sad news because there's a threat that this progrem will now cover actual TNA news. TNA is so bad that the spoilers are unreadable. RD vows to find "the ultimate TNA fan" to replace him.

Jim Ross calls to promote My Network TV's SmackDown (:58). He's angry because he needs some sort of satellite dish. Blade calls him out on his outdated one that was installed by his employee Dr. Death Steve Williams. "Go fuck yourself!" JR says in response.

Seventeen Syllables to Put This Show out of Its Misery:
They ripped off Trolla.
What will Nipple H steal next?
Oh fuck, the haiku.