Holy Interview!

In the spirit of the season Vince and RD had a Zoom call on something not Batman related. RD didn't even change his display name!

(21 minutes)


https://www.wrestlecrap.com/rdandblade/12-days-of-wrestlecrap-day-1-rd-reynolds-calls-out-vince-russo-for-his-crappy-past/

Episode 68: Holy British!: November 27, 2022

The Bat's Kow Tow
"Batman and Robin escape Catwoman's trap, but they are too late to stop her from stealing the voices of Chad and Jeremy, the British singing duo. Catwoman demands an 8 million pound ransom for their voices, or else she will begin silencing the entire world. Things look grim when the British refuse to pay. However, a background noise in a phone call tips the Dynamic Duo off to Catwoman's hideout and the location of her voice-restoring formula."
75 minutes

RD: One of Those Blighters. Cor Blimey to you too.

Vince: "I was thinking about you this weekend."
RD: "That seems random."

Before Vince can ask his "weird bird" friend what's on his mind he finds out he's live again. One of the attendees remembers B.M. Punk. Vince: "Interesting." He then starts getting donations. He asks for the URL to send to RD to share for some reason. RD agrees to take the blame for any complaints from Jeff Lane. Vince decides to keep things running for now since they have more than the regular 40 Watchers for their progrem.

Vince's actual query (:07) is about former Paige Soraya on AEW appearing on one show, then appearing on the next one immediately after discussing what she just did. This confuses him. RD just considers it regular behind the scenes stuff due to giving their wrestlers more freedom to act than the competition (TNA?).

Vince correctly guesses that the episode originally aired on the deathday of Walt Disney. RD grants him leave to self-applaud. (:13)

Anyway, the Dynamic Duo are in danger of having scrambled eggs for brains in the physically-impossible echo chamber. Batman shows the predicament he is in by crossing his eyes for a brief moment, then asking Robin to find the vibration frequency that will shatter the glass. He then instantly determines it is "F Sharp above High C" and starts humming very out of tune (according to RD). This works, allowing the Duo to untie themselves. 

Robin: "I think I'll be hard of hearing for a while."
Batman: "WHAT?"
Robin: "I think I'm gonna be a little hard of hearing for a while."
Batman: "YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER ROBIN! I THINK I'LL BE A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING FOR A WHILE!"

They secure Benton again, and Batman tells Robin to tell O'Hara to get this "bounder".
Batman: "All right, Belgoody, tell me everything."
Benton: "Well, I was born in Youngstown of poor but honest parents - "
Batman: "Come off it, Bellgoody, you're pulling my boot!"
For some reason the two are reminded of The Jerk (Navin R. Johnson), who was "born a poor black child" played by Steve Martin.
Benton tells Batman that Catwoman is already going to get Chad and Jeremy's voices. The Duo tie his arms behind him to a broom. 

They then speed off to the Town Hall as the Narrator sounds jubilant for a song by "the music world's Dynamic Duo". (:29) Vince goes to get his Chad and Jeremy Greatest Hits record. RD trash talks him to the live audience. 

Catwoman and goons appear wearing cat's eyes night-vision goggles and quickly steal the duo's voices. The Dynamic Duo appear but Eenie turns off the lights, covering the group's escape. Batman has to light a very strong match from his Batmatchbook so that he and Robin can save the 20 or so scared people at the show.
Batman: "Citizens! Citizens! [Waves hand] Hi kids!" 

The next morning on The Allen Stevens Show (who can only be played by the incomparable Steve Allen) (:33) Batman asks the audience to have faith in the law to set things right.
Allen: "I understand that millions of the world's teenagers are in virtual mourning since last night's tragedy."
Batman: "On the plus side, millions of parents are delighted."
Robin: "Speaking as an average, ordinary, red-blooded, typical American teenager, I think this is one of the worst things that could have happened!"

Catwoman and goons then appear with "sonic beam blast guns" to threaten the audience while still attracted to Batman and his "baby blue eyes".  She then interrupts Allen's attempt at promotional consideration by demanding a ransom of 8 million pounds "of European currency", or over 22 million dollars (again in 1966). 

Catwoman: "Chad and Jeremy pay so much income tax to their native land that if it were to stop, the whole empire might crumble and the British Pound would be deflated!" 
Batman: "The entire economic structure of the whole world would collapse! How dastardly! It's not as if they have other more popular things that can take their place, like the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Who, the Animals, James Bond, Mary Poppins, Lawrence of Arabia..."

Catwoman demands her payment of "the scratch" by the next day or she will silence the whole world, then silences Allen just because before throwing a sneeze bomb to cover her escape. 

One attendee thinks it is the most pointless thing he's seen. RD: "That's what we're here for." 

Batman then meets Sir Sterling Habits, the British Council General of Gotham City, who's so happy to meet him he loses his monocle. (:42)
Batman: "You're aware of the serious tragedy affecting your countries most popular export?"
Habits: "Have we stopped making those small sports cars?"
Robin: "We're referring to Chad and Jeremy."
Habits: "Oh yes, those blighters. Can't understand a word they say."
Suddenly "Parliament" calls, like the whole governmental body, and Sterling looks pleased as the Duo look on in annoyance. (He's suppousedly talking one-to-one to then Prime Minister Harold Wilson, which is admittedly a name more American than British.) Of course the government won't pay a single pence/shilling.
His butler, Rhett, announces that he don't give a damn there is a crowd outside for the Dynamic Duo. Sadly they don't have time for any meet and greets so they have to wall climb down. 

This gives an appearance of a window celebrity in the original sense of the term, in this case Hawaiian singer Don Ho.Vince tries singing Tiny Bubbles as an example of his work and so he can self-applaud again.
Don Ho: "It's gotten me as far as your Batropes have gotten you. I think I'll introduce Batropes in Hawaii. Pick coconuts more easy that way."
Batman: "I'd like to sit here and chat with you all day, Don, but..."
Robin: "The surf's coming up and we gotta catch a big one."

Gordon is still silent in his office as O'Hara remains stumped. "She has us licked!" Batman is still hopeful even as O'Hara whines and moans. However he did record the previous day's conversation where his boss got silenced.
Batman: "It's no wonder you've risen to the top of your department O'Hara."

He decides to use the Batsound Analyzer in the Batcave for the sake of the whole world. As he tells a skeptical Robin with his renowned Batlogic: "If we can't talk, there'd be no telephones. You see, there are millions of people who use telephones in business every day. Now they'd have to meet their clients face to face. That would cause enormous traffic problems. Further, all the people who work for the phone company would be out of jobs. There'd be no radio. Television and movies would go silent. That is a whole heaping helping of ramifications."
Robin: "You're so brilliant Batman."

The Analyzer detects three hair dryers, but there are over 2000 hair salons in the City. Wondering if the silence fades after a while, he sends Robin as Dick upstairs to see Chad and Jeremy, who are also with Aunt Harriet and Alfred who have attempted with their own remedies. 

The saddened two still indicate they want their hair fixed at Mr. Oceanbring's hairstylist hands. Alfred: "Every rock and roll star goes to have his hair quaffed by this man." And he does this with just three hair dryers! Dick immediately runs out, leaving Harriet confused. Neither Bro checked if she was wearing an undergarment. 

Of course Catwoman is at the salon contemplating her schemes. Oceanbring is actually cameoed by Jay Sebring, a legendary pioneer in men's hairstyling. He was also rather morbidly involved in a break-in including his ex-fiance Sharon Tate, where a group of wayward souls affiliated with Charles Manson were halted in their plans by the timely intervention of an aging TV actor and his stunt double.

Her goons wonder why she doesn't just kill the Duo, but she just can't. Batman saved her life once after all. (She doesn't care about Robin of course.) She also has the silence antidote of sweet basil, garlic, salt, and goat's milk "in the right proportions."

Vince does not do Italian stuffing for Thanksgiving. 

Enter the Duo.
Catwoman: "Batman, why for art thou doing this to me?"
Batman: "It's my job, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "We could make such beautiful music together."
Robin: "You'll play a different tune when we're through with you! And all the notes will be sour!"
Catwoman: "Party pooper. Teenagers should be seen and not heard!"

Cue fight, although she wants Batman to not be beaten too much; it may damage his looks. Robin throws a goon into a bouffant hair dryer burning his face, as one does. Oceanbring troubles himself with trying to catch all the antiques around as they are thrown about - then accidentally drops one once the battle is over. Catwoman runs off, so Batman leaves his ward to secure the place while he goes after her. 

Cue the Dark Knight exaggeratedly running, leading him into an alleyway.
Catwoman jumps off a ladder onto his back and aims her gun at him: "I can slice you like a hot knife through high-priced spread. Should I steal your voice or end your life?"
Batman: "Whichever you decide I'm sure it will be the wrong choice."
Catwoman: "You have a pretty sharp tongue for a man about to say goodbye to the world! Beg! Beg for your mortal existence!"
Batman: "I'd rather die than beg for such a small favor as my life."
Of course she can't go through with it: "Can't you see how I feel about you Batman? I can't kill you. You're the only man I ever - "
Of course even if she did try to kill him he would have deflected the shot anyway. He still praises her scheme though.
She then tells him the antidote by tightly whispering in his ear. "You see, my voice eraser electronically loosened their vocal chords and - you just spray it. And tighten them right back up. ... Batman? When I get out of jail, will you take me on a date?"
He will have to think on that.
Catwoman: "If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a... bad girl?"
Batman: "No, of course not, Catwoman. Kissing is one of the most natural things in the world. Some people kiss almost every day, and - I'm told..."

Of course before they can actually kiss (or whatever it was in the 60's), Robin the Boy Blunder comes along to Holy Cock Block. Batman asks for a rain check (which would take 50 years). RD considers it payment for when Dick was also about to kiss (a girl) were it not for Bruce's summons. But the two walk off hand in hand. Batman and Catwoman I mean.
Robin (to the camera): "Holy Mush!" 

The Musical Duo finally get to perform. Somehow Gordon is in the balcony with the Wayne Manorhold.
Alfred: "They certainly do sway, don't they?"
Harriet: "Very hep, Alfred."
Dick: "It's 'hip', Aunt Harriet, they changed it."
Gordon is around because of his grandchildren, despite later Barbara being his only descendant.
Bruce: "Every era has its own music Commissioner, its own art, its own manner of speech."
Harriet: "The essence of progress is change."
Gordon: "It's a point well taken, Mrs. Cooper. But there's only one pair in the public eye which I pray will never suffer the stigma of antiquity - it's Batman and Robin!" 

RD thought Eenie was pretty and curvy for 7.5 Batpoles. Vince gives her 7, although she wasn't in the story much. RD found a MP3 of actor Sharyn Wynters singing a very soothing tune. She also transitioned to alternative and naturopathic health over 40 years ago.

Like myself the Bros loved the story. Vince wants to split the donated amount with RD. One of the donations was in Saudi Arabian Riyals. (It wasn't mine either.) 

The Arcade is getting a (Sean Connery) James Bond pinball machine, one of 50 currently sold (out of a 1,000).


  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]


  • Window Celebrity: 5. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn, Steve Allen, Don Ho, Jay Sebring
  • Entertain The People: 1

Episode 67: Holy Balderdash!: November 20, 2022

The Cat's Meow
"The police believe Catwoman has gone straight; however, the villainess has devious plans for her new voice-stealing device. After using it to silence a TV talk show host and Commissioner Gordon, she sets about to steal the voices of Wayne Manor's latest guests, British singers Chad and Jeremy. Under the guise of a dance instructor, she enters Wayne Manor to collect valuable information about its layout. Batman and Robin pick up her trail when her cover is blown. But unknown to them, Catwoman has a plan to destroy their minds and forever end their crime-fighting career."
61 minutes

RD: All About BALDERDASH! Poppycock, I say.

Vince now has a cricket soundbite. Or a hamster in a wheel. it's hard to say.

It's 7 am (in Gotham, not when the Bros are recording), and in KGCTV (still in the West Coast instead of the canonical East Jersey and its W), Harry Upps is doing the morning show as a parody of Hugh Downs (of NBC's Today Show). Bruce is being interviewed (while Dick looks on) talking about his Foundation helping others through physical fitness. Harry interrupts to promotional consideration some umbrellas. Catwoman is seen as...the camerawoman as Harry immediately loses his voice. Dick reflexively starts wanting to investigate before Bruce quickly covers the microphone. He then covers it again just to be sure.

Vince likes drinking Gatorade.

They think it's the Penguin's doing, but then pieces of paper with Riddles (and/or bad Jokes) on them fall out of the open umbrella. Bruce knows Gordon will call for them soon since he watches the show instead of doing his actual job, so they quickly run off.

"Riddle": "What's black and white and full of fuzz?"
Bruce: "A zebra?"

The channel quickly cuts to the 'mid-day' creature feature that sounds like it would get a MST/Rifftrax treatment 50 years from now. 

RD: "This is what I use my broadcast journalism degree for, kids."  

Alfred is already on the Batphone at Stately Wayne Manor: "he's taking his morning constitutional, I fancy." Vince thought he meant he was in the bathroom. Bruce takes over and asks Gordon to check on their main villains for him as they rush over during the titles.

At Gordon's office (:13), they note a "mild shocker" in the umbrella's handle that can mute someone. Batman: "This is a serious detriment for an announcer." Also the Riddler, Joker, and newly jailed Penguin are still imprisoned. For now anyway. Batman takes the umbrella for further analysis. 

Gordon: "I don't believe there ever have been, or ever will be two such selfless people.
O'Hara: "Well they've certainly made my job a whole lot easier, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And mine. I think if I were to ask, Batman would give me the cape right off his back. [To the camera] What a man!"

He then gets visitors - Catwoman and her goons Kittens: Eenie, Meanie, Miney, and Moe. For once Gordon is happy to see her, thinking her rehabilitated enough to go into show business. The Co-Bros wonder what type of show business she would do. Well, she has had (positive) ties to burlesque over the years. But in her case it's singing: "it's so much safer on this side of the law: show business is such a rewarding profession." Vince disagrees. Gordon wants to her to perform at the Police Benevolent Society Ball. She reminds the already forgetful Commissioner to inform the Duo that she is free.

After she gives "a kiss to build a dream on" by striking a tambourine with her heel before leaving, O'Hara - O'Hara - expresses concern, but Gordon dismisses him. "I can tell a reformed woman when I see one, and there is a reformed woman!"

Her lair is Duncan's Dance Studio ("Walk in, waltz out") where she has a gigantic giant 'swing' taking up almost the whole room. Somehow Catwoman has stored Harry's voice in a box, confusing Eenie. Catwoman: "Eenie, sometimes I think you left your brain in San Francisco." She did it to throw the Dynamic Duo off their tail so they can steal enough for a lifetime's supply of catnip, "or I'm gonna give this entire world a severe case of laryngitis." 

Neither Bro is a cat guy, unfortunately. 

Catwoman then asks for "the popular singing duo Chad and Jeremy" who were actually quite popular during that time as part of the British Invasion. Nobody knows, so she gets to talk to Gordon. Eenie is not sure she can do that. Catwoman: "Let's put something straight: Catwoman is top dog around here, and let's not forget it, Eenie!"

Of course she gets Gordon and gets him to tell her they will be at Stately Wayne Manor, "the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne" because of course they will. She gives her word "as a lady and a scholar" not to tell anyone, before taking his voice over the phone. "No more pompous prattle from you!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor, the home of millionaire Bruce Wayne, Dick answers a telemarketing call from a disguised Catwoman offering dancing lessons. He initially declines. Bruce is sitting nearby holding a giant antelope skull for some reason and tells him to learn something for upcoming prom: "we don't want you to be a wallflower Dick! Dancing is an integral part of every young man's education." Dick answers a "question" to "win" a visit ("Who painted Whistler's Mother?") and he is happy on winning something for the first time. Bruce leaves him to go "pick up a tube for the Batsound Analyzer." 

Catwoman then shows up as Miss Klutz, once again an old lady like her last appearance. (:27)
Dick: "I'm sorry Miss Klutz, but I have no rhythm."
Catwoman: "Balderdash! Oh, if you'll pardon the expression, I'm a little out of breath now."
Noting the splendor of the Manor, she then starts having an allergic reaction to the dogwoods around. Her sneeze takes her in and out of the camera as Catwoman.
Dick: "Why, you're no dance teacher! You're Catwoman!"
Aunt Harriet is so shocked she forgets to put a bra on. Catwoman uses her fainting to gas the room.

Cut to the Airport as Chad and Jeremy arrive and give a press conference.
Girl in attendance: "Oh, aren't they the most adorable twosome in the world?"
Other girl in attendance: "If you don't count Batman and Robin."
They play one of their songs on a 50 year old grammaphone while they make bad jokes. Thankfully Catwoman appears to stop them.
Sergeant O'Leary: "It's nice to see a responsible citizen like you for a change."
This makes her leave all of a sudden. 

At the Batcave Batman has managed to revive the Manorhold with his Universal Drug Antidote, "otherwise they'd have been asleep for a week." Vince wishes he had some of the gas to use.
Robin: "Holy Rip Van Winkle! Poor Commissioner Gordon, he was completely taken in by Catwoman."
Batman: "Well, she's a very beautiful...very...enthralling woman, Robin. When you get older, you'll see how easy it is to become lured by the female of the species."
They locate the Studio and speed off.

Meanwhile Harriet didn't have time to get a bra due to having tea with Chad and Jeremy. Quote they: "I didn't know this had made it to the colonies." They quip about messing up the place before making more bad jokes. 

Back at the Lair Catwoman is in an..."enthralling" exercise position, as RD is made speechless. And he didn't even need his voice stolen! (:36) 

This leads Vince to anecdote when he was in WCW: he did a similar gesture while on the road to icebreak his young protege Bill Banks...except he was naked. RD considers leaving the recording before he tries self-losing his voice.

Eenie: "Why don't you steal Batman's voice while you're at it?"
Catwoman: "Never! One of the few joys I have in life is when his rich manly baritone caresses my ears with "Catwoman, you are under arrest." It makes everything worthwhile."

In the regular part of the Studio, Vince somehow recognizes well known actor Joe Flynn as dancing instructor Benton Belgoody. Someone exits wearing what white men in the 60's considered ethnic African clothing as the Duo enter.

Batman: "Citizen."

Of course Benton does not know who the Dynamic Duo are and mixes up their names. Robin tries to play the tough guy and demands Miss Klutz. (Ahem.) After Benton disregards him Catwoman appears anyway.
Batman: "Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than harming them!"
Catwoman: "A bit of whimsy that escapes me at the moment, Batman."

Cue fight where Benton immediately gets knocked down. The other men all fight while Catwoman and Eenie watch.
Catwoman: "If he weren't such an old stick in the mud, I might let him live. But I think I can handle Batman. It's just that Robin is all work and no play. "
She considers giving Robin to her lady goon while she takes the Dark Knight for herself, but then she remembers Robin's youth. "At that age all they care about is baseball."

The Duo win the fight with a half-minute do-si-do, then block Benton as he tries to crawl away. He thus does the polite thing by taking his place with the fallen goons. He's a dance instructor though, he should know his steps. 

Catwoman asks to makeup her face before surrendering, and Batman of course totally lets her without making sure she does anything underhanded. I guess since they were the sneaky ones last time this is a fair play turnabout or something. Catwoman thus incapacitates them with drugged claws.
Robin: "I guess you can never trust a woman."
Batman: "You've made a hasty generalization, Robin. It's a bad habit to get into, but in this situation it's entirely app...app..appropo." (They pass out.)

They are thus deprived of utility belts and put in a glass echo chamber where any and all sound is magnified "ten million times" which technically isn't physically possible. She plans to Chinese water torture them with a drumbeat while staring at Batman's crotch.
Catwoman: "Your eardrums will be shattered. Shortly following that, your brains will be turned into *yak*! And then I shall return, and you can be mine forever Batman...well, I'll have to sacrifice your intellect, but with a build like that, who cares? After all you can't have one's cake and eat it too." 

Narrator: "Zounds! What sounds! Will Batman be reduced to a handsome robot? But only to serve Catwoman? Is Robin to become little more than a cuddly teddy bear for Eenie? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Cat Time! Same Cat Channel!" 

Vince still doesn't know what her plot is yet other than trying to seduce Batman.

Vince asks RD's advice on buying NFL Blitz.

 

  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [4] (Julie Newmar) [3]


  • Window Celebrity: 2. Chad and Jeremy, Joe Flynn
  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Stately Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet, Things that should never be discussed again

Episode 66: Holy Zola!: November 13, 2022

The Bird's Last Jest
"Discovering why the Penguin wants to return to prison, Batman has a counterplan that needs Alfred's participation."
60 minutes

RD Wants a Penguin Gun. But what about his submarine?

College Vince once bought a Videodisc player from Sears. RD wants to guess what videodiscs he still has. Submit your own guesses to Vince for a chance to win Batman coasters!

Jeff complained that Vince needed a gimmick pop filter over his microphone. Now Vince is complaining that the filter is not secured properly.

The episode aired when the Yankees traded Roger Maris to the Cardinals for who knows why.

This week's summary is longer, since they summarize the previous episode for the last time in the series. Narrator: "Deadly Penguin guns are waiting for Batman and Robin!" RD thinks they shoot miniature Penguins. 

The Batmobile goes on a different highway than the norm (on their way to the suburbs). On exit the Duo climb over the shortest fence known to man. 

O'Hara is still in his tiny trunk on top of a really short slide that the Duo somehow know to go to before Chickadee pushes it into the poolside. The Co-Bros consider the whole thing very sloppy. 

The other goons then start shooting at the Duo with sadly normal guns. The Duo deploy their plastic and clearly labelled Batshield.
Robin: "Holy Guadalcanal Batman!"
Batman: "Robin stay calm. Let's assess this desperate situation."

Vince does not know the meaning of "dollars to donuts". 

Penguin is about to flip the electrical switch to fry the pool, so Batman delicately throws a Batpellet that knocks the villain upside down. Once they reach the electrical wire Robin suggests using the Insulated Batclippers, but Batman decides to use his Batinverter to reverse polarity. Because of course you can. This launches the trunk ten feet into the air.
Batman: "It's really simple. By reversing the polarity of the cables, I transformed the swimming pool into a giant anti-magnet. It repelled the metal of the trunk."
Matey D: "CURSES!
We're out of ammunition. "
Batman agrees as he has been counting the bullets fired like what he did with Shane. "Surrender you criminals! Up with your flippers!"
Penguin: "Our perfect ploy has gone awry sadly!" This is despite his wanting to be arrested anyway, and attempted murder should normally do that. 

Instead Batman sentences him to the "Bar of Justice" i.e. a courtroom. He is thus charged with kidnapping of a police chief, illegal electrification of a swimming pool (Vince: "Is there such thing as a legal electrification?"), littering public property with machine gun cartridges without proper license, attempted murder, mayhem, battery, and compound assault. (:21) As District Attorney Harvey Dent Jefferson Hamfurter is absent (being Hamilton Burger with Perry Mason), Batman asks Judge Moot to take his place. Because of course he can, much like he can be a sudden mayoral candidate. 

They ask the Penguin on how he pleads.
Penguin: "In the immortal phrase of Emile Zola: J'ACCUSE!"
He expresses his right to be arrested. "Do we live under a code of law? Or do we live under a costumed mad man's feelings?...As a law breaking citizen, I have a clear right of admission into the Gotham State Penitentiary. Now, deprived of those rights, I had no other recourse but to protect myself by any means at my disposal."
Judge: "In other words, the acts of which you're accused, were merely a citizen's reaction to illegal police conspiracy?"
Penguin: "Solomon himself couldn't have put it in any neater nutshell, Your Honor."
Batman: "But Your Honor, kidnapping, mayhem, the attempted drowning of our beloved police chief?"
RD: "No one loves police chief O'Hara."
Robin: "Holy flip-flop! What happened to justice? You call mayhem a normal citizen's reaction?"
Judge: "Enough, Boy Wonder! I fear you've our of your depth in these thorny matters, way way out. Now our code of law is the cornerstone of our society. Whenever it is violated by those sworn to uphold it, in which case you clearly did Batman, what recourse has this humble citizen but action? Which of us is to cast the first stone?"
Batman: "We're outwitted."
He withdraws his charges, and of course Penguin is angry again that he can't go to jail.
Judge: "Your eloquence has gained your freedom, Mr. Penguin. Now fly the straight and narrow path forevermore."

In the Batcave, Batman paints fingerprints over Alfred's with regular paint.
Robin: "I bet Batman is the only one in the world with a hand steady enough to paint false fingerprints."
Batman: "Come now, Robin, don't exaggerate. All it takes is a little practice and a bit of patience."
Alfred: "It's really fortunate the criminals don't realize you can do this."
Batman: "It wouldn't help them if they did, Alfred. Those poor wretches are addicted to tobacco and alcohol; they lack the nerve control for this sort of work."
Alfred is to go to the Penguin's Nest and not touch anything for 83 seconds. Batman then calls the police's "Special Tip Line" and disguises his voice by putting a handkerchief over the telephone. 

At the restaurant Matey D alerts his boss that some "nitwit...that bone headed chief flatfoot" has found a fly in his caviar. Penguin: "What now?" (:29)
Said bone head O'Hara is arguing with Alfred who's disguised himself by...not wearing his glasses. Like the Bros I am definitely sure Batman learned this from Kal-El and thus told Alfred.
Penguin thinks he's actually Quill "Pen" Perch, another master forger, but he has Chickadee get his fingerprints just to be sure, and compare him to his fingerprint records which he just has with him in an exclusive restaurant. Of course they "match", and he moves to shake with a gloved hand. 

Vince does not know the tale of St. Patrick.

Suddenly Alfred puts on his glasses, stopping Penguin in his tracks since he now recognizes him. After gassing him with his umbrella gun (and only then realizing he's in the middle of a busy restaurant), he has to vacate the premises with "the outbreak of a sudden epidemic: Moldavian food poisoning. I suggest while you can to run for your lives to your favorite family physician." Once they do leave he tells his goons: "this is an imposter. I recognize him as a busy body who has stumbled into my stew before! Mr. Blue! I want you to prepare fifty pounds of pie-crust. We are going to make a gigantic butler pie!" 

In the Batcave Batman is concerned that Alfred hasn't reported back yet: "I may have made a grave mistake in sending Alfred to that devil's lair." The Bros wonder why he wasn't any closer to act in such a situation. So they have to now drive over there in the time it takes the restaurant to paint a "Moldavian food poisoning" sign.
Batman: "Sinister. This could be a crude attempt, a crude but well painted attempt I say, to throw us off."
They enter the lair once more, as shown by the camera Dutch angling almost to the point of falling off. They find Alfred's hat heavily coated with pastry flour.
Robin: "Holy chocolate éclair! What could it mean, Batman?"
Batman: "I scarcely dare to think. I fear it's too grim!"

Back at Stately Wayne Manor Penguin brings in a giant pie as Aunt Harriet tries to shoo away "you hideous creatures!"
"Your nephew Dick" calls asking if anything new has arrived for them. Penguin replies and Robin almost loses his temper.
Batman has to quickly cover the phone: "Careful. You're Dick Grayson."
Robin: "Oh, you mean the Penguin? The famous criminal I've read so much about?"
Penguin: "That's who I mean, Dicky-boy! And you better tell your guardian Mr. Wayne if he wants to see Alfred alive, he better hurry home fast!"

Cue the Duo returning and going up the compressed steam Batpoles into Bruce and Dick. (:38) Upon seeing the gifted butler pie Bruce is bemused: "what an extraordinary pastry."
Dick: "Yes, it's the biggest one I've ever seen."
Penguin: "Its name is humble pie, Mr. Wayne, you're about to eat it!"

As his goons light one of those cooking candles to warm the pie, Penguin demands $1 million in cash or he will serve Baked Alfred. Bruce pats his coat to show his wallet is not on him, and asks to go to his study's wall safe to get it. Penguin lets him go get it without having he or one of his goons follow him to ensure no funny business. 

Vince is reminded of Freddie Blassie's opening line on his appearances with Regis: "I have more walking around money on me than you make in an entire year!" RD has Regis' Christmas album where he sings Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with, of all people, Donald Trump. I'm sure to him it's the best selling album of all time, bigger than Abraham Lincoln, and big and strong people walk up to him all the time with tears in their eyes to tell him so.

The Duo of course instead go down the Batpoles to change, then go back up after turning off the "automatic costume-change device". They then do a "small tricky charade" by...shouting very loudly and unconvincingly.
Batman: "Good gravy Dick! Look! Coming through that window!"
Robin: "Bruce, why isn't that Batman and Robin?"
Batman: "It certainly is Dick!"
Robin: "Go get them Batman and Robin! We'll just be out here so as to not be in your way!" 

Batman had (supposedly) planted a tracking beacon in Penguin's top hat.
Batman: "Up with your flippers! Surrender that gigantic pie!"
Penguin: "CURSES!"
Cue the fight. Chickadee holds Harriet at gunpoint, but Alfred pops out like a dancer from a birthday cake and grabs the gun, so Harriet can hit her with a vase before fainting. The Duo subdue Penguin by spinning him round (right round, like a record). 

Making sure the villains and Harriet are knocked out, the Duo then instantly change back into their civilian attire in a jump cut. Bruce wonders where the Duo went.
Alfred: "They departed through the windows sir, in some haste. Oh and sir, they asked me to give you a message: 'Should you ever again come up against a criminal as the Penguin, don't endeavor to capture him yourselves.'"

Cue the villains waiting in the holding cell of Gordon's office. Penguin is finally happy that he is going to jail at last - until Bruce and Dick show up, having secured parole for a rather giant Ballpoint Baxter.
Dick: "Mr. Baxter is going to teach penmanship in one of the Wayne Foundation camps for underprivileged children."
Penguin: "Oh, no! No! What about the underprivileged criminals?"

Vince wondered why they didn't just release him for that in the first place. I wonder why Penguin tried to do what he did to get imprisoned when he could have just broke Ballpoint free. Or just wait for him to leave on his own accord, like what all the villains seem to do on a weekly basis.

No wonder the police are so incompetent they need the Dynamic Duo.

RD thinks (33 year old) Chickadee was a "very bland" 6 Batpoles. Vince gives her 5. (:50) They think this is a thing of Penguin's, that he doesn't really care for the women around him unlike Riddler and sometimes Joker. Actor Grace Gaynor had only a few TV roles in the 60s, though her last roles were in Fletch and Fletch Lives.

Despite all this the Bros enjoyed the creativity of the story. It certainly helped that the wackiness of the plot and its scenes (especially the courtroom one), helped things lively even if the overall story didn't really make sense.

Vince is still subjecting himself to watching Raw, poor guy. He can't get over how even with prepared scripts, somebody like Naomi Sky can flub a line read pretty badly: "You still haven't eaten Bailey?" RD: "I can't believe I don't watch Raw."  

 

  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [6] (Burgess Meredith) [6]


  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Batman 66, femme fatales
  • I didn’t even know he was sick: 2. Paul Harvey, Dick Dastardly
  • Outdated references: 1. Guadalcanal
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow.

 

Episode 65: Holy Jellyfish!: November 6, 2022

The Penguin's Nest
"Facing the strange situation of the Penguin determined to be arrested, Batman must figure out why."
59 minutes

RD: Won't Pay $100 Cover Charge. He complains on having to be on time unlike Blade Vince. However he has an actual excuse of being on GAW (the show run by Mickie James, Lisa Marie "Victoria" Varon, and "So Cal" Valerie Wyndham). He still remembers Mickie's immense kindness once when he was unable to work with her and Nick Aldis due to his mother's condition. RD still has to meet her for Blade's sake, but Lisa Marie and Valerie were some of the nicest folks he had met.

Vince also takes the moment to remark on new regime WWE still doing pretty badly with ratings, even on Halloween. "Bro, kids are not trick or treating at 8 o'clock at night, bro." They shouldn't anyway, it's a school night. 

The episode aired on the birthdate of C. Thomas "Soul Man" Howell. 

"An old super crooked fiend" (according to the Narrator) is opening "The Penguin's Nest" restaurant on top of a skyscraper with a very bad looking sign. (He couldn't afford to rehire the artist who drew the Vote For Pengy posters?) Another better looking sign states there is a $100 cover charge, "only rich people and friends admitted". I don't remember the last time I ever paid a cover charge. Vince somehow remembers a $5 charge for the disco.

Among those already seated at a table with the Penguin are the Disguised Duo (Bruce & Dick), the Undynamic Duo, and Aunt Harriet.
Bruce: "To think you've mastered the art of haute cuisine in the kitchens of the Gotham City State Penitentiary, it certainly proves that almost nothing is impossible."
However he notes the odd way they have to write down their order and hand it off to his goon as a maître d' (literally named Matey Dee) is "fishy, not efficient".
Penguin tries to ignore it to flirt with Aunt Harriet while stealing her diamond bracelet, only to be caught by - O'Hara??? Broken clocks I suppose.
Penguin: "I've been caught with my feathers down."
A suspicious Bruce suggests looking further into this as with Batman, but Penguin just says to take him to prison anyway.
Gordon: "When this pompous waddling master of foul play asks to be arrested? Thanks for the advice Bruce, I'll call Batman at once."
Cue Gordon going to a phone booth. Cue Bruce going to the phone booth next to him to get Alfred to connect them. Gordon is so happy he jumps out of his booth with joy: "We're in luck, Batman's home."

Vince only visited the UK after the bulk of his career. The public garbage cans have small openings to prevent bomb drops...and garbage. 

Batman says he may be late in arriving. Gordon: "I'll wait however long I need to, Batman!" Harriet wants to go back home so Bruce and Dick take her home and go down the Batpoles.

Penguin is still at the restaurant when the Dynamic Duo "arrive": "Just when I learned to fly straight, I destroyed my life again! That's the way the iceberg crumbles." (:19)

Batman asks the Undynamic Duo how the restaurant is doing. Business is great, with an average pre-drinks tab of $87 alongside the $100 cover charge (which today would both equal $1,639.50. Holy Fees!). Neither Bro would spend more than $100 current dollars. Vince would even only allow his wife to drink water (the high costs coming from all the condiments she probably uses). 

Batman clears the place of the goons: besides Matey Dee, previously Warden Crichton's personal valet, there's Cordy Blue as the chef, formerly "chief hash slinger at the state pen", and "bootlegger of untaxed cigars" Chickadee as hat check.

Gordon: "You make something of this enigma, Batman?"
Batman: "It sticks out like Penguin's nose."

Batman asks the "policemen" to forgive Penguin for "the impulsive theft of that bauble".
Penguin: "Great quivering jellyfish!"
He then throws a pie at Gordon. O'Hara goes to arrest him.
Batman: "
No, Chief, no. He was merely baiting us. Don't swallow."
Robin: "Have a heart, Chief, Penguin didn't mean any harm."
Gordon: (Trying to say "Didn't mean any harm?") "Blah blah blah blah blah?"
O'Hara: "Hitting a police commissioner in the puss with a pie?"
Batman: "No, he was simply overwrought with astonishment. Anyone can make the same mistake."
Gordon: "Anything you say Batmannnnn!"
Batman offers a cup of warm cocoa.
Penguin: "Ah! Fah! Phooey! Fudgey!"
O'Hara: "I'd like to grab that bird by the neck! I'd like to pluck him! I'd like to prod him all the way to the pen with a pointed stick and toss the rest of this pie in after him!"
The Duo, seeing there's no way to do things properly with these incompetents, decide to leave to do a wall climb to check out the kitchen.

The kitchen is in fact the lair, where Chickadee tries to soothe her "Penguin poopsie: don't lose your cool."
Penguin: "I'm the Penguin, how can I lose my cool?"
He needs to go to prison because for some reason he can 'process' all the hand written orders by the clientele. The goons suggest other crimes to attempt.
Penguin: "Fah! That's fiddlesticks! If a bird can't get arrested by potting a police commissioner with a pie, what chance with those piddling ploys?"
Then his Batdetector on his umbrella flashes: "we have bats in this belfry!"

Actually the bats are outside the belfry and slowly ascending. (:30)
Robin: "It's sure a shame, Batman. A restaurant with such terrific chow turning out to be a mere front for some criminal scheme."
Batman: "Look at it this way, Robin: that hundred dollar cover charge is pretty stiff. Penguin's terrific chow is hardly within the budget of the average worker."
Robin: "Gosh, yes, you're right Batman. All the needy people in the world. The hungry children..."
Batman: "Good thinking, Robin."

As they climb a harpsichord plays a melody frequently heard on The Addams Family, before Lurch appears out the window.
Lurch: "Ohhhhh. It's youuuu, Batman... gave me quite a start."
Batman: "Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord."
Unfortunately he does not inform him that he missed his employer's appearance in town some days prior.

Vince has plans and tactics for how to fight off each scary movie horror and villain. This includes Michael Myers' harpsichord play his theme when he's around, tipping off potential victims. He then forgets the name of "Austin Austin", giving RD a big chuckle.   

The Duo then see Penguin shoot Mr. Blue for supposedly being a traitor, but upon breaking in to arrest him find it's just a blank. Batman: "I observed the recoil of that umbrella gun. Obviously its angular momentum was inadequate for the mass of a real bullet." 

But they decide to humor the Penguin and take him to the city jail: "Petty crooks only!"
Penguin: "I'll sue you, you pioutest upstarts! You have absolutely no right to do this to me! How dare you confine a supercriminal of my ilk in this petty city jail all night, this tawdry penny ante pokey on a charge of simulated murder!"
Batman tells him he's actually charged for the forbidden discharge of umbrella guns in the kitchen of a licensed restaurant.
Robin: "Yeah, call your lawyer! Have him look it up!"
Batman: "Good day Penguin. Reflect on your petty sins, you bush league bird!"
RD honestly thought Robin gave the bird the bird.

In the Batcave the Duo look up Penguin's "permanently reserved cell" which is right next to that of "Ballpoint Baxter, the ugly master of forgery." (:41) This proves Batman's theory that Penguin would have had Baxter use the handwriting on the orders to forge checks. RD has Vince please to explain checks. But then how would they get the blank checks? They call up Warden Crichton on a clearly labelled phone next to another sign for an "Entrance to Subterranean Grotto." Vince thinks it's like the Playboy Mansion if it had a Batlabel printing press. 

Crichton is woken up from sleeping during his working day (story of my life) with a sleeping mask and cap. Of course inmates can get blank checks from the print shop, why do you ask? It's all in rehabilitating them to responsibly use personal finances and reintegrate themselves back into society.
Cue Batman's disgusted look on his face: "Ah, another of your advanced penological techniques...I've always had boundless admiration for your efforts, Warden. But sometimes...I just don't know."

Vince would sometimes write with (other) Vince in what would very much be his dining room where he took power naps for 20 minutes at a time.

The Narrator reminds us he's still here as the Duo drive from the Batcave to the prison. The Penguin managed to smuggle a tiny Penguin radio in with him, which he uses for his schemes. He thus calls his goons who come to the city jail backdoor: "No unauthorized exit!" They ask the gatekeeping Sergeant O'Leary if they can bring him a birthday cake. O'Leary takes out his metal detector to check for inner surprises and immediately gets shocked.
Matey Dee: "Wow! This high voltage battery pie sure worked the way the Penguin said it would!" 

However the Duo appear just as the goons break their boss free.
Batman: "The best-laid plans of birds and men gang aft a-gley."
At least he said it the proper gang aft way. 50% is progress, yes?
Chickadee then shoots at Batman, who unlike Robin has the scriptwriter's luck to not get hit: "You deluded murderous girl."
Cue fight, during which Robin pulls on Penguin's beak. "Stand still you red breasted road runner!" he still manages to squawk out.
O'Hara runs in just to trip and thus get Chickadee to capture him. The Duo thus have to let them go.

Penguin then calls Gordon in his office to tell him and the Duo that O'Hara is being held in the swimming pool of an abandoned rec center.  
Batman: "Do you promise a fair duel? Robin and I against your mangy mob?"

Cut to someone's backyard swimming pool with O'Hara in a very tiny box like he's secretly a contortionist or something. "Let me out of this infernal hamper you devils! What's the idea?" he shouts muffled. They also plan to shoot the Duo into the pool and use their pool electrifier. 

Narrator: "Crossfire! An electrocution looks like the end! Have our heroes ever been in a nastier spot?"
RD: "...yes?"

RD will be playing pinball as part of the Christmas parade through Shelbyville.

Recent Headlie: "“Unemployed Vince McMahon” Costume Actually Vince McMahon".


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [6] (Burgess Meredith) [6]


  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Which
  • URLs not taken: 1. VinceRussoattheDisco.com
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Ted Cassidy