Special Round - Man Called Cheatum: August 4, 2022

40 minutes

"I <3 Cheatum" (don't we all) is giddy in introducing Vince to some of WCW's finest theatrical productions featuring an evil one-eyed midget. Vince was at one of the matches (at Halloween Havoc 1992) but didn't remember watching the actual video or any material leading up to them. 

  • :03 First Medusa walks through a very dark set to enter a bar with a dry ice floor to Spin the Wheel Make the Deal (with Cheatum). Cue Jake Roberts arching his eyebrows.
  • In enters the man they call Sting. Vince thought it was Jeff Jarrett. 
  • He and Roberts trade words as the bar patrons look back and forth like a tennis match.
  • Vince: "This acting leaves a lot to be desired."
  • Sting: "You think I'm afraid of some wheel?"
  • He spins the wheel, then has it as a backdrop as he and Jake stand still and face to face, allowing the production "crew" to draw electrical wires/lightning bolts/laser beams from their eyes before an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Halloween Havoc 1992 will be on Sunday October 25th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Of course Vince thinks it's tremendous, but it wouldn't have caused him to go to the match just by itself.
  • Vince does not know how to mute his Discord notification alerts. (For the record, it's in User Settings - Notifications.)
  • :10 Next is the White Castle of Fear (not sliders). Sting gets into a tiny helicopter. While over stock footage of the Rocky Mountains he has visions of Big Van Vader standing in front of a wind machine blowing snow from the side. 
  • Sting: "Could this be some sort of trap?"
  • He checks the rolled up parchment that Vader wrote his invitation on for some reason. RD: "I really need one of those on the wall."
  • Vince: "These are gems, bro!"
  • Sting enters an extravagant set where people loaf around eating amidst dry ice fog.
  • Vader breaks a mirror by shouting and shadow boxing at it, then enters with a laughing Harley Race to trade their own words while Cheatum keeps asking to Play the Game Play the Game.
  • The two combatants then tug of war with a strap (is that the Game to Play?) over an open fire. The strap dramatically snaps as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Superbrawl III will be on Sunday February 21st and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince can't believe he never learned or was clued in about them during his tenure in the company.
  • :16 Finally there is the one for Beach Blast 1993 on WCW Saturday Night (June 19th), the piece that made RD fully want to start WrestleCrap, for good or bad. Nominally it's to be for a tag team match of Sting and Davey Boy Smith vs. "The Masters of the Powerbomb" Vader and Sid Vicious (with Race and Colonel Robert Parker).
  • "Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico" Sid stands confused with the rest of the heel contingent. They point to an "island" where Sting and Smith are playing beach volleyball with random people.
  • Sting expresses his joy in scoring a point by letting out a tiny "woooo." I think Ric Flair would have a word or two on that.
  • The heels all laugh manically as they discuss their plans.
  • Cue Cheatum snorkeling right next to the beach with a shark fin and carrying a water cooler as someone attempts the expected music on a synthesizer: "My name is JAWS! Now you girls get on outta here!" 
  • He then puts an alarm clock "bomb" on a speedboat.
  • The "civilians" say some lines woodenly as the heels arrive on one of those amphibious landing craft.
  • Sid shows off the flip-flops he's wearing with the rest of his wrestling outfit.
  • Cue some more howlers from the wrestlers as an attempt at a western showdown is played on the synthesizer. When they get up close another randomly strums on a guitar. 
  • Parker offers the faces "two tickets to the retirement haven of your choice". Sting considers it as he repeats the stats of their opponents. 
  • Cue group shot of the "civilians" looking sad.
  • The faces decide to go on with the match anyway.
  • Cue group shot of the "civilians" saying "yay".
  • The heels make more threats and shouts. The faces decide to continue their volleyball anyway.
  • The two girls tell Sting of "a funny guy hanging around the boat". Then they tell Smith of "a guy hanging around the boat going click-click-click."
  • Smith rushes to the speedboat and pushes the two off just as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • Cue "civilians" looking sad.
  • The two then spring up from the water arms raised.
  • Cue group shot of the "civilians" saying "yay". Again.
  • The reel reminds you that Beach Blast will be on Sunday July 18th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince thought it was "very early 90-ish" but thought if it was the work of Bischoff and actual writers at Turner, then it was ahead of his time. RD can agree although he's not sure if he would include Cheatum or such heel plans. Vince would reenact it though, including with Cheatum.
  • :30 In turn Vince has Ultimate Warrior being...selectively edited during a shoot interview. It's still more legible than any public promo or speech. Vince would play it before every creative meeting as an energizing icebreaker (outside WWF). 
  • Vince loved the old Mr. Fuji and Muraco sketches, especially Fuji Vice. 
  • RD thinks AEW's reels and skits are greatly influenced from such vignettes, even if sometimes in parody (the sincerest form of flattery). (:35) The originals were campy but unintentionally went to downright hilarity. Vince is of course reminded of Batman. (Holy Shark Fin!)
  • RD still has yet to find Cheatum in any way shape or form, serious or otherwise. 
  • Vince plans to have some of the clips on a new show he will do with Disco Inferno.
  • Next up for Vince: AWA's private show for Kellogg's.

Episode 51: Holy Bill Of Rights!: July 31, 2022

An Egg Grows in Gotham
"Egghead steals the Gotham City charter. He finds a loophole that could give him control of Gotham City if descendants of the original founding families (including Bruce Wayne) do not pay nine raccoon pelts to Chief Screaming Chicken on time. Not only is he interested in stopping the payment, but Egghead believes he also has a lead on Batman's true identity."
67 minutes

Vince has been looking forward to his favorite villain in the show. RD: Me No Know Either, does not also know it's a reference to A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. 

The original airdate of October 19th (1966) is also the birthday of Jon Favreau, who also directed the live animated action The Jungle Book. Vince is a huge fan of his. SPEAKING OF Marvel, they had an earlier Egghead of their own at this time, most commonly fighting the Avengers. DC's was another original for the show.

Narrator: "A sunny Wednesday morning in Gotham City. The sort of Wednesday that makes you wish it were Sunday."

Among the items on display in Gotham City Hall is its official charter, which proves a popular sight to the tourists and the ten foot tall Egghead just walking among them. His woman Miss Bacon questions its protection from theft before Egghead steals it and gasses the place with a placed egg.

Eggy: "Eggscelent. I might even go as far as to say: eggsquisite."

The Co-Bros try to make sure that the Egg-style is to symbolize his supersized brain and intellect.  

In Gordon's office he wonders how on earth such a crime could occur just by letting a villain walk in without anyone stopping him. He is also confused by why he would steal "Gotham's most priceless procession".  

Vince: "I'm just saying once a criminal doesn't necessarily mean always a criminal."
RD: "On this show it does."
Vince: "...yeah that would be true."

Alfred picks up the phone with another eye roll. Bruce and Dick and bra-ed Aunt Harriet are in the family room 'fondling dead animals'. Bruce tells his ward that the city was founded by three families: the Savages, the Tylers, and the Waynes, on land on Gotham Rock leased from the Mohicans for nine raccoon pelts every five years. RD thinks it's just cover for the typical colonization takeover of the native land. 

(Also of note are that the Mohicans, as Eastern Algonquian, have historically been a northeast/New York based tribe, which fits better to Gotham City being in New Jersey than as the west coast locale its portrayed as here. As you'll see though this is the least of their mischaracterizations in the story.)

For this payment Bruce (Wayne) with Pete Savage and Tim Tyler are to make the delivery to one Chief Screaming Chicken. He got his skins "from a very popular crooner from the 1920's who had fallen on hard times." Vince believes he's referring to Rudy Vallée, who would get his revenge by appearing later on the show as a villain. Alfred tells him he has a "contract to be read".
Harriet: "Those two are so busy, I'll wager Batman and Robin don't get around as much as Bruce and Dick."
Alfred: "I rather doubt that, madam."

Gordon: "Bad news, Batman! Egghead is back with a carton full of crime!" (:19)

At the office:
O'Hara: "He's a tough egg, Batman, the smartest man in the world."
Robin: "The second smartest man in the world."
O'Hara: "Present company excepted, of course."
Batman: "The Gotham City charter; aside from its constitutional edicts, its purpose is to act as a treaty between the Mohican Indians and the Founders."
Robin: "Holy bill of rights! Maybe Egghead wants to start a war between the Gotham City citizens and the Indians!"
Batman: "I rather doubt it, Robin. There's only one Indian left, he'd be outnumbered ten million to one."
He thinks Eggy will just focus on the leasing conditions, perhaps with a deal with Pete and Tim. Pete spends most of his time between Gotham and Paris as a "bon vivant" (since it's a French term you see), and Tim is currently at Tyler Stadium watching his baseball team play the Mets Pets. Speaking of pets, RD first met Bryan Alvarez when he interviewed him for Penthouse.
Gordon: "That leaves only Bruce Wayne."
Robin: "I wonder where he is?"
Batman: "Unquestionably out doing something inconsequential with his youthful ward Dick Grayson. You know how those millionaire playboys are."
They then go off to meet Screaming Chicken. 

Eggy's lair is the Ghoti Oeufs Caviar Company with egg styling all over the place to match the puns and his goons Benedict and fully Caucasian Foo Yung. Vince does not want any slander from RD on his eggsxecutive secretary Bacon. For once he finally remembers Pauline's name. Also Eggy is totally having things over-easy with her. 

Upon eggsxaming the charter, he finds that defaulting on the pelt paying will revert ownership back to the Mohicans. "We've caught them with their eggspost facto down!" 

Cue eggs-plicit close-up as Eggy stares at the camera before we cut to Screaming Chicken's "Roadside Teepee", with servings of that Mohican staple: blintzes. The Batmobile pulls up as a Native American version of the Battheme plays. Then Batman and the Chief do a greeting ritual handshake that is as bizarre as it is stereotypical.
Screaming Chicken: "You're the only person Gotham City know traditional Mohican greeting."
Batman: "I've long been a student of your tribal customs."
The Chief asks for an increase to 12 pelts, which would make sense if we are adjusting for new exchange rates and inflation.
Screaming Chicken: "Indian poor businessmen. My cousin sell Manhattan for 24 dollars. Could have got 35."
But he will be at the ceremony later today.
Batman: "Ciao Chief!"
After the Duo speed off Eggy and goons emerge from hiding. The Chief will still stick with the old deal unless it is not honored or he gets a "highest bidder".
Screaming Chicken: "You make mighty big talk, kimosabe."
Eggy: "Kimosabe? What does that mean?"
Screaming Chicken: "Me no know. Me hear on radio. Very old word."

(In case it wasn't obvious, Screaming Chicken is not originally indigenous in any sense of the word, unless you count when he played Roaring Chicken on F Troop.)

Back at the Batcave Batman wonders where the lair is. This leads them to Ghoti Oeufs; fish spelled phonetically as a joke, eggs in French: caviar. (:35)

Cut to the lair where Screaming Chicken is already. He signs a deal with Eggy for $100 a month and all the eggs he can eat.
Eggy: "I have great eggspectations for our relationship, Chief. I'll tell you what I'll give you as an added bonus: you may have the import eggsport concession for all genuine American Indian blankets made in Japan."
Screaming Chicken: "Oh, you are one heck of fine pale face. You no Indian giver."

The Duo's stunt doubles get inside just as Eggy wants to take a nap.
Batman: "There'll be no rest for the wicked today, Egghead."
Robin: "Boy, do you guys have egg on your faces!"
Batman: "All the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put you together again."
Cue Eggy's stunt double doing an awful job in an otherwise alright fight. Robin gets overwhelmed and the Chief pulls out a large machete.
Screaming Chicken: "We give Boy Wonder very short haircut."
Batman: "You chicken...turned chicken?"
Then Robin breaks free.
Batman: "You put all your eggs in one basket, Egghead, a fatal mistake."
Robin: "Prepare yourself for an eggspeditious defeat."
Batman: "That's very apt, Robin."
Robin: "Oh, glad you liked it."
Eggy: "The yolk's on you!"
He throws a laughing gas egg to cover their escape, leaving the Duo rolling on the floor laughing: "This is even funnier than the Joker!" This is despite his not yet using any (signature) gas so far.
Batman then gives Robin "sad pills" that he just seems to carry around everywhere for some reason. I could see him doing such a thing in today's stories when he needs some angst to remember his parents or something. RD thinks he took some from Miss Patrick's confiscated drugs.

Back at the Batcave:
Batman: "That poor misguided Redskin! He's obviously under Egghead's influence!"
He calls Pete's number from memory astonishing Robin with a reference to a girl he and Pete once dated. Pete responds with a French accent as he is held at gunpoint by Eggy's goons who just happened to be there.
Batman then calls Tim with a regular remembered number.
Robin: "ZOWIE! You're a whiz Batman! You remembered someone's phone number! When's the last time you called him?"
Batman: "Yesterday."
Tim is being held at acid egg point by Eggy as he answers. "What do you want from me, Egghead? I am just a poor major league baseball-team-owner."
Bacon: "How 'bout season tickets? I love halfbacks."
Eggy: "How eggsasperating."

Back at Stately Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick look their best in tuxedos while Harriet forgets to wear a bra again. When Dick wonders why Screaming Chicken would work with Eggy, Bruce relates how the Chief was once a bottle-washer who faced racial discrimination. They then get into a limo driven by Eggy wearing an egg earpiece who gasses them.

At the lair Eggy tells his captives that he doesn't want them or the ceremony to go through...but also because of something else. (:49)
"Long ago my superior intellect deduced that Batman must be a person who was a millionaire and didn't have to work, because crimefighting is such an eggspensive hobby.... All of you are approximately the right age, in your early thirties, but I have eliminated you, Mr. Tyler, because you are left-handed. No, the Caped Crusader is not a portsider. And you, Mr. Savage, are out because of your accent. So aside from a couple of aging rock-and-roll singers, you, Mr. Wayne, are the only Gotham city millionaire who is athletically inclined with eggsessive agility. Therefore, you must be Batman!"
Weirdly despite this brilliant Hugo Strange level of thinking, he doesn't consider that his ward Dick Grayson may therefore be Robin. He probably discounted him and his bad memory or something.
He has Bruce in an "electro thought transferer" that he borrowed from his guest appearance on The Man from U.N.C.L.E.. It will separate the yolk of memory from the white of the brain to take for his own, wiping it clean after use. RD thinks the Riddler used the exact same idea for Batman Forever.

Narrator: "How diabolical! How inhuman! How eggscruciating! Will the world's greatest criminal mind eggstract the true identity of Batman? The eggsplanation to these and other electric questions tomorrow!" 

RD remembers how Batman eggscapes from this one and it would be something he would do in a similar situation. 

Vince finally noticed RD had his beard shaved (by Mrs. Deal) for charity. (:57)

RD GIFed John Tenta getting stuck between two rings.

On McMahon's "retirement" the two believe he is in the throes of extreme mental decline, which is a horrible state for anyone to be in. (:63) RD expects small gradual changes so as not to further disrupt the public's confidence and thus investment in the company.

  • Special Guest Villain: Egghead (Vincent Price)

  • Screen Captures: 1. RD
  • RD Time Outs: 
  • Eggs: Scrambled

Episode 50: Holy Baubles!: July 24, 2022

The Clock King Gets Crowned
"Aunt Harriet purchases a clock as a birthday present for Bruce Wayne, unaware that it is a plant by the Clock King. But when the villain learns that a control switch meant for his final caper has been errantly placed on the timepiece, he breaks into Wayne Manor to retrieve it, nabbing some valuable watches in the meantime. Batman and Robin shortly deduce his master plan and race to stop him."
43 minutes

RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? He shows off his Wonder Woman shawl and hat knitted (not crocheted!) by Mrs. Deal.

RD also doesn't like the Beach Boys, unlike Vince. He once wrote a Beach Boys song in five minutes. Sadly he does not get Mike Check to talk about it.

Sad News: Vince looked up that Mr. Slezak committed suicide in '83 due to overwhelming health problems from old age (in his 80s). (:07)

King of course leaves the trapped Duo before they suffocate. Robin suggests using their capes to plug the gap but Batman rudely shuts him down. Instead they tip it over "like a squirrel in a cage" and run it into a truck to break it off camera. 

Vince once encountered a 700 pound bull moose in his backyard that was following a crick. (:11)

Meanwhile Aunt Harriet is wearing a bra at Gordon's office. RD Asks: O'Hara or Gordon? Gordon's door is always open for a "lady as charming as her" which makes RD think it's he that Harriet is having a threesome with. She invites them and their wives to a party at Stately Wayne Manor. RD thinks she may be wanting a fivesome now. 

Then the Batphone rings confusing her. "What on earth is that?" Gordon is on the phone for two seconds just to be checked on. She is impressed by the Duo "with no offense to your police department."
Gordon: "No need to apologize, Mrs. Cooper. We are all forever in debt to the Dynamic Duo, so intrepid and yet so... incognito. "
Once she leaves Gordon tells O'Hara that Batman had actually escaped the King's trap. 

Meanwhile King is in his lair working on an "evil box that Batman and Robin will never know about because they are dead." (:17) He then turns on a camera of Harriet in extreme close-up of her bad teeth. 

Smash cut to Harriet; she has returned to the Manor with a clock as a birthday gift for Bruce before she goes to take a nap. 

Smash cut to a goon being concerned of a button placed on the clock. Instead of the gas for Alfred, it's the atomic energy directional control switch that should have been for the evil box. So now they have to go and correct this. King tells Millie to stay hidden. She will try "if I can remember all that."

Nothing of Millie really stood out to Vince so he gives her 6.5 Batpoles. RD gives her 8.5 and thought she was underutilized. Actor Eileen O'Neill only had a working career in the 60s before vanishing into obscurity. 

In the Batcave the Duo dust off the sand on themselves before it gets too coarse and gets everywhere and they have to take the high ground. Robin wishes he knew where the criminals were.

Smash cut to them sneaking into the living room and lightly poking Alfred into unconsciousness. 

Smash cut back and forth between the two places while the Narrator keeps saying "meanwhile". 

Harriet screams for help as she is kidnapped. Alfred wakes up and sets off the alarm in his belt for...Bruce and Dick to show up. I guess because Batman and Robin are still considered "dead"? King declares he wants to "lift some baubles from this handsome residence". They then throw Harriet at the two (now without a bra, perhaps it too was stolen?) to cover their escape. 

Back in the Batcave Batman does some soldering while they do some more analyzing. King mentioned a blacksmith while they were trapped, referencing one that may be in a clock.
Batman: "'Smithy' Smith was recently arrested for armed robbery. He's back pounding rocks."
Robin: "I can just see him now, old 'Smithy' Smith. He used to be a real swinger in the safe and lock circuit. Now he's swinging a hammer on a rock pile."

Thus they finally go to Gordon's office to ask for any arrivals at the heliport. Gordon has a "heel-o-copter from the nuclear laboratory of the Gotham Institute of Technology" of a caesium atomic clock worth $1 million. Then for some reason we finally get the Batmobile startup sequence that is usually reserved for earlier in a story.

King meanwhile is in the clock tower with his evil box. When it is hit at 5 o'clock it will shoot out gas across the city while they fly off in the helicopter. He does note that "every man wants a beautiful woman by his side at the climax of his career." The Co-Bros note his manners and politeness. Vince only now notices the Penguin's attraction to men. 

The Duo finally show up. (:32)
King: "No! It can't be true. You're dead. You have to be dead!"
Robin: "Maybe we're living on... borrowed time."
Batman: "But now, it's round-up time!"
Cue an actually good fight for once, including Batman having a goon be hit by the clock hammer with a giant "KLANG", and rotating around with the clock to beat up the rest. 

Thus the bell tolls for King and his schemes.

Back in Gordon's office, O'Hara congratulates the Duo: "I couldn't have done it better meself!" Batman almost rolls his eyes at him. Sadly they can't make it to Bruce's party but: "I find it only fitting that Clock King, who made times serve his crimes, must now serve time himself." Then they excuse themselves to go prepare for being surprised.

Thus the episode ends before its time.

Vince thought Ma Parker was better than Clock King. Thankfully his all time favorite Egghead is up next.

Oddly neither bring up that the story was written by Batman's co-creator Bill Finger. Nor do they mention that there is another earlier made Clock King (though not by Finger), original name William Tockman, who often fights Green Arrow.

RD promises some changes are coming to WC.

  • Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)

  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Heroes and villains
  • URLs not taken: 1. FivewaywithAuntHarriet.com

Episode 49: Holy Batburgers!: July 17, 2022

The Clock King's Crazy Crimes
"After a robbery aided by a rigged timepiece, Batman and Robin deduce the Clock King must be in Gotham City. Disguised as a pop art expert, the villain brings his latest masterpiece to the Parkhurst Gallery. But everyone is surprised when the sculpture turns out to be more than just a piece of art, and the Clock King makes off with a valuable time-related painting. Batman and Robin follow a clue to the villain's hideout, unaware that a trap awaits them."
70 minutes

According to Vince and his applause soundbite "this handsome young man" is "The Greek word for RD is "RD"". 

He also forgot to make their conversation private so fuck it, we'll do it live. He doesn't want to make this a regular thing as it would take away from subscriptions. He could go on a full streaming service like Twitch and do streams for paid subscribers only if he wanted (and he can figure out how to do so without having to make fun of his colleague Jeff Lane). One of the viewers is Taeler Hendrix, who also has her own show on Channel Attitude. Vince could totally see her as Poison Ivy. 

At Harry Hummert's jewelry store, Harry and a customer are mesmerized by an antique clock on display instead of for sale. (:08) The clock has a small camera inside it for Clock King, with his lady Millie Second, to watch and relay to his goons the "all wound up" Second Hands. RD incites Vince by intentionally saying her name wrong. Vince responds by having viewer Kevin Schiller of Georgia run in. Now let's see if he makes him WCW world champion.

The clock goes off at the wrong time, then gasses the two occupants (with a third) as they come to check on it. The goons thus take the opportunity to rob the place.

In Gordon's office, he hardly wastes any time and admits "we're in over our heads." Vince wonders if Matt Morgan is among the peanut gallery. 

Alfred does another exasperated eye roll as he answers the phone while Bruce and Dick play boring regular 2D chess. Vince was unsure if Aunt Harriet was wearing a bra this time but guessed yes: "we're not the ones not wearing the bra." She apologizes for not being too attentive and Bruce just pats her on the shoulder in acceptance. He then ignores Alfred as Dick has put him in check, so he shouts "BATPHONE!!!" while Aunt Harriet is within earshot. For once the two will not immediately go to police HQ as they "can't waste time", and the episode immediately cuts to King's lair.

There King surveys all his stolen loot and (also for once) compliments his goons for their work while Millie is all over him and his colored eyebrows.  RD finds she closely resembles Katy Perry. Vince wonders if she's a time traveler. One viewer thinks she looks like (blonde) Elizabeth Montgomery and Jenny McCarthy for some reason. Vince points out viewer Ivana Tinkle's nose. (:31) He gives Millie 8.5 Batpoles for her strength and confidence. Another viewer gives her 8.6.

Anyway all the clocks go off at once, deafening the goons as King revels in their sound.

Smash cut to the Duo investigating the jewelry store. Harry has little knowledge on the clock.

Smash cut to the lair as King consults his "crimetable" which of course includes Bruce Wayne. He threatens Batman and the "Boy Blunder - hahaha!" by slamming down an hour hand on his desk. 

Cut to the Parkhurst Gallery preparing for their first pop art exhibition as Batman learns that one particular clock was brought in by a Mr. Chronos. Robin: "The Greek word for time!" Cue Mr. Parkhurst's amazement as if they found out a mystery of life. Batman: "You haven't been trained in deduction like we have."

A TV crew is already there reporting on the art, preferring the classical over the popular. Enter a disguised King himself disgusted over an "inferior!" parody of Dali's The Persistence of Memory with the Duo drawn in it (a Batparody?). Knowing his antics, commercialism, and spotlight hogging, I would not be surprised if he himself painted that just because for the show (even if uncredited). He probably didn't appear on the show itself because Batman would arrest him on the spot for saying that he was drugs. 

Anyway King calls himself Progress Pigment, and he is here to submit some random assortment of items named Time Out of Joint as a diversion while it cuts a hole in the wall. 

(Also Jeff Lane cut Vince's live feed for the time being for some reason.)

Meanwhile the Duo check the Dunbar Diner Drive-In to be gawked at by an old couple gushing all over Robin, as they follow a lead of King's earlier woman Thelma Timepiece. A former co-worker waiter tells them she moved back to the Midwest (a reference to Payton Place) before she gushes all over Batman.

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crimefighters must eat. And especially you, you're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Robin goes for his order but is intercepted by the waiter who offers him to try out their newest meal: the Batburger. "Trouble stealing your appetite? Arrest it with our new Batburger." A touched Batman orders two with two double glasses of orangeade. 

As they eat in the Batmobile they watch the news of King and his piece. (:50) Batman wishes for a closer look and somehow the news crew there is able to oblige him. Batman still wants to make sure it is in fact King. (After all, Clark Kent has his obscuring glasses.) So they get the Bat Photo Scope to print out a photo, so Batman can use a blue colored pencil from a compartment next to the Bat Super Rocket switch. Sure enough, his expert drawing removes all doubt from his mind (about his artistic skills). Robin: "Holy masquerade!" 

King lets loose a "supersonic" smoke detector sound from his machine to knock out everyone as he makes a hole to his storeroom of items. They exit with their items just as the Duo pull up.
Batman: "Four against two. I'd say the odds are in our favor Robin!"
Cue a weak fight where the participants knock down the art more than each other. King triggers the Counterattack Activator from his dropped watch to ensnare the Duo in slinkies "coils of time" so that they can escape.

The Duo use the Bat Chemical Analyzer in the Batcave on the watch to lead them through technobabble to Tick Tock Synthetic Rubies Incorporated. From the Batcave! Vince has Kevin pop on to say hello.

As the Duo do their climb Sammy Davis Jr. pops out of the window. (:57) He invites them to join his rehearsal ("Hey, you guys come and catch my act some time! I dig yours!") but sadly they are too busy. Batman: "Our pursuit of justice allows us few diversions." Oddly he does not then suggest sending an invitation to assumed patron of the arts Bruce Wayne.

Inside the Duo then fall pray to King's trapdoor of clock oil and then get gassed, and end up in a slowly filling giant hourglass.
Batman: "You grinning devil!"
King: "Some people kill time. But this time, time is going to kill you!"

Narrator: "Is this the zero hour for the Dynamic Duo? Are the sands of time really running out for Batman and Robin? At long last have they met a gritty, granulated, inglorious fate? Tune in tomorrow! Same bat-time! Same bat-channel!" 

2013's Batman '66 comic would give King the real name of Morris Tetch, brother of Jervis "Mad Hatter" Tetch. Vince guesses correctly on this based on their eyebrows. 

RD has to make sure from Vince that he didn't actually tell Goldberg to try and break through a car window with his bare fist and seriously injure himself. (:64) He did the right thing and spent that night by his hospital bedside.

  • Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)

  • Screen Captures: 4. RD, RD, RD, RD
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Sammy Davis Jr.

Episode 48: Holy Penal System!: July 10, 2022

Ma Parker (in case you forgot who today's villain was from the other day)
"When the Dynamic Duo realizes Ma Parker has seized control of the Gotham Penitentiary, they must get in to stop her."
69 minutes

RD Won't Give His Measurements. He takes a sip from his not WWE Niagara Falls Cup. 

Vince's other Co-Hosts also agree Aunt Harriet was covertly promiscuous.  

Four years after this Winters would be the actual Ma Barker in Roger Corman's Bloody Mama, with Robert De Niro playing Travis Bickle one of her sons.

Twenty five years after this Winters would also be on (the original) Roseanne as Nana Mary. 

RD wouldn't want to watch anything more from her after this episode. Vince gives him boos. He wouldn't mind Jerry Lawler as a guest Co-Host. RD has him hold his (wrong) arm out. 

RD reminds Vince to follow "standard protocol" to allow him to tell people when an episode aired. 

The Narrator is initially bored for some reason. Vince thinks one of the dropped greeting cards from the earlier day was an influence on Hong Kong Phooey (starring Scatman Crothers, also in Bloody Mama).

In the speeding Batmobile Robin is suddenly hungry and asks to pick up the speed. (:12) Of course Batman reminds him to obey the 55 limit. He then pulls over the check the engine. "Just as I thought: dynamite!" He then lightly throws it causing an explosion. Vince wonders why he then decided to drive off anyway. 

Somehow Parker hears the explosion all the way in Arkham Asylum Gotham Penitentiary as she continues her plan to establish herself within the facility. 
Warden Crichton: [raising his arms in prayer] "Heaven help us, it might work!"
Ma Parker: "Sure it's gonna work. And you know why, Warden? 'Cause the 'Pen' is mightier than the sword!"
[Cue WWCR style laughs]
Mad Dog: "Ma, you're a riot!"
Pretty Boy: "Yeah, a prison riot!"
[More WWCR laughter]
Parker then plans to improve the conditions, worrying Crichton who already believes they are the best in the "penal system". 

As the Duo drive back Batman wonders why someone named "Trusty" would plant an explosive. (:17)
Robin: "He's certainly isn't someone you can trust."
Batman: "A prison is full of social outcasts Robin. Some of them are seeking revenge and one can hardly blame them."
Vince wonders if West flubbed the line.

Back at the prison Batman wonders how all of a sudden Crichton's "day-cor is a trifle drab" and asks to see Ma. Vince: "He might have been more interested with the going down with Legs after the show." He was surprised when the lady wrestlers on Raw checked they were alright by grabbing their breasts, as he's never seen it before. 

The Duo then go with the Warden and guards to Parker's cell.
Batman: "You're keeping Ma Parker and her daughter in the same cell block with the boys?"
Crichton: "Uh, yes, it's what I call my "family plan," Batman. It's my theory that the family that dorms together reforms together."
Ma hangs up a Home Sweet Home sign as Machine Gun plays a heartfelt tune on a violin. This caused RD to laugh out loud when he watched it. Pretty Boy has a (nice) 69 in his number. Mad Dog growls due to his namesake. Legs does makeup in lighting that makes hair hair Harley Quinn pink. Satisfied at the state of affairs as presented, the Duo sprint off. The guards then open the cell-doors by flipping a switch.

The prisoners are all assembled and on board with Parker's plan as she makes her pitch of growing their numbers with more prisoners. This includes Catwoman, although Joker and Penguin are in solitary for now kowtowing to Parker's authority. Vince didn't think Newmar wanted to be there. RD think they shot her separately since she was wearing her regular catsuit. 

In the Batcave Robin declares victory while Batman expresses doubt on the situation. (:28) As they try to think on it, Parker and family rob an armored truck. The guards respond by missing completely at point blank range. So they throw a bomb which is powerful enough to be picked up by the Duo. Parker covers tracks by throwing some of the money in the air. The drawn in crowd manages to delay the Duo who have to spend time politely pushing their way through, but he manages to catch part of a sleeve for analysis. (Back) To the Batcave!

The Hyper Spectrograph Analyzer tells them it's from a prison uniform, so they call Crichton. Ma is also listening and indirectly tells Batman to "take a Batjump in Gotham Lake". So Crichton suddenly shouts that she's taken over before they shoot him put a garbage can over his head and pound at it like it's a high school. 

The Duo have to race back to the prison. Once again Robin walks over the hood of the Batmobile instead of walking around it like a normal person, allowing RD to no end. 

As they climb up the penitentiary's wall to the roof they encounter future villain Milton Berle, here as a current villain prison guard. Vince has heard that like Ward he too had a large unit. He points his gun at the two.
Guard: "Anyone can get out, but no one can get in!"
Batman: "You're jeopardizing your future. Only 48 years and you'll be paroled."
RD calculated Berle would have been 106 by then. (He actually lived to 94.)
But the guard listens and throws his gun over the wall. Batman compliments his decision. 

The Duo are immediately captured as soon as they step into the yard and are brought to Parker who has more Krankor-response jokes before she puts them in electric chairs. RD thinks that should have been the cliffhanger instead of wondering if Batman will obey the speed limit. They plan to flip the switch at midnight when not many people will notice the slight power usage, assuming they even notice anything at all during the day anyway. The time is tracked on a clock underneath a human skull for some reason.

They leave Legs, in what RD considers incredible black and white stripes, to watch over them. Vince gives her 9.25 Batpoles due to her more concealing outfit than Pauline, much to RD's consternation. He can only give her 7.5 due to yet more unappealing closeups of the face, and for being in an episode with Julie Newmar. Tisha Sterling appeared in The Donna Reed Show and a few sporadic appearances over the years. (RD would give Reed 9.5 for her It's A Wonderful Life appearance.) Vince considers having her on the show.

Batman gives Robin more fortune cookie proverbs to aid his spirits before he tries to get to Legs. (:46) He has her go check on her brothers in a "psychological experiment" of...walking to another place. Being helped by his straps being loosely around his wrist instead of his full arm, he sends a message on his Batbelt through a long named Batreceiver in the Batcave...which is heard by Aunt Harriet, who is not allowed to enter Bruce's study. Alfred has to cover through electrical work, then has to take notes on the Morse code being loudly heard from down below. Vince thinks it needs to be loud like a smoke alarm. RD wonders how half-deaf Aunt Harriet could not hear the jet engine Batmobile then. Vince: "It's soundproof."

The family argues on who gets to flip the switch. Batman asks for Robin to go at least, so Parker suddenly decides to turn it on anyway - just as the power fails. The Duo get up and into a very short fight using infrared glasses, although Legs manages to get away. Batman had told Alfred to cut off the power at midnight, which also means the cell-door switch would not work. RD wonders why Parker still kept her prisoners in their cells. You can't have criminals be allowed to roam around freely in the prison they claimed for themselves. That's Joker-level madness!

In the Warden's office they proclaim "the mother and her four children" are in jail for real. RD wonders why Legs was shown escaping then (instead of making sure Batman looked properly tied up). Vince spins a meandering yarn. RD: "That's a troll, ladies and gentlemen!" A chime is heard for Sunday service and Crichton has a received gift for Parker. Batman slowly opens it...and it's a bouquet of roses for Mother's Day. Cue the laugh track.

RD jokes on rating Ma Parker, but enjoyed reading more about Winters' filmography. Vince overhears RD Junior having a coughing fit; perhaps allergic to Vince's way of thinking. Unfortunately RD couldn't find much to recommend or like on today's episode.

RD wrote about Kane and Big Show in a technical match

On Patreon RD plans to have Vince watch Cheatum star in those WCW minis.

  • Special Guest Villain: Ma Parker (Shelley Winters)

  • Screen Captures: 1. RD
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Batman can drive 55
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Speaking of
  • Window Celebrity: 2. Catwoman (Julie Newmar), Milton Berle