294 Sleep Stampede: May 25, 2020


One of the 12 listeners during this episode...with worst looking belt.

76 minutes


Blade is already sleepy in the afternoon. It's almost as if he's doing actual work! He is spending his time indoors re-listening to the whole podcast and slowly going mad, poor bastard. He tried the whole Star Trek canon, before he got distracted to Troma movies, before he got distracted again.

Blade: "My mind has a tendency of wondering."
RD: "I've never noticed this."

Distracted Blade is also a master of timing.
Blade: "Our big anniversary shows have been timed so they're like...double bombastic. Our 200th episode was our 5th anniversary show."
RD: "The output ain't what it once was, kids."
...
Blade: "You guys should have heard me back when we started this show."
RD: "It's amazing how much funnier we are off the air."

RD suspects I have bugged the tin can and string so I can get the jump on insulting and mocking Brad.

...

He is absolutely correct. How did he know? I guess I have to readjust my ways now. For one thing, I need to update my SpyTrolla 5000.

Blade never likes going to the grocery regardless of the situation, unlike RD. (:14) The latter went with his wife to Sam's Club to purchase a giant 2 pack (11 ounces each) of Red, White and Blue Crunch. Blade has an unopened box of Boo Berry from 2004 with 11 servings in it.

RD repeats month-old news about XFL Commissioner Oliver Luck suing Vince for $25 million. (:21) Anyway, Vince may be trying to secretly buy it back. You don't say. [Or maybe not? Or maybe not not?]

Jim calls to get annoyed by RD. (:27) He's stuck at an Arizona bookstore for his "book tour" and wants to live in RD's basement. RD gives him and by extension Blade some advice. "Shove this show up your ass!" he says in between (Blade's) laughing.

You know what that means...?
Bitey "might be over the show" according to Blade. (:31)

Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch are expecting. This angered Jim Cornette for some reason.

Matt Striker is a reality show contestant competing to impregnate somebody. I don't know either.

Mickie James now has a podcast of her own, with Victoria and SoCal Val as "Grown Ass Women". (:38) The two approve of their attempt.

Tam is back on OnlyFans. (:44) The two do not approve of her attempt. RD does his Nathaniel impression. Even Blade is slightly tongue-tied.

RD: "It's not that you've matured and you've become a better person; it's just due to being lazy."
...
Blade: "I'm better than you."

Simon Beach is first on Facebook. He asks how Parts Unknown is dealing with the lockdown. (:50) RD ignores Blade's response since it involves his mythical Yearbook.

What are some great looking belts? (:51) Blade has a seizure trying to understand what RD has to say. He likes the 80's green Intercontinental, Savage's winged eagle, and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. RD instead has the worst looking belts: Warrior's rainbows, the Cena spinner (ruthlessly aggressive spinning!), and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. It ruined Ric Flair's original run with the digitized Big Gold Belt such that he once had to carry a Tag Team belt. This was done instead of, say, WWF crafting another, like what Ted DiBiase once did in that one angle. RD wishes there was a playset for that, but they leave discussion of that for another later recording.

Double or Nothing's Stadium Stampede greatly pleased the two, even without any angry cows or bulls (doesn't the horse count?). (:66) RD remembers when Sammy Guevara was in WWE only for Lacey Evans to make fun of him. Show attendee Iron Mark Tyson yawns.

Some Syllables:
Tyson All Elite.
He was there to present the belt.
Double or Not-yawn.

"I fell asleep; that haiku had eighteen syllables."



$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Episode 49: Playsets: May 25, 2020

40 minutes

The Fruitcakes could not rush through their ordinary progrem fast enough to record this one, assuming Blade is not still "sleepy". Blade: "We may be approaching anniversary episode here."

Since they got distracted earlier talking about playsets, they use the opportunity to talk more about them here. Blade had several Star Wars ones when younger that he debated selling, even if they were all made of or were cardboard. RD had a "mainstream" Echo Base one.

The Empire Strikes Back, The Shining, Pac-Man, and that one KISS album came out within the same week 40 years ago. (:06)

RD's desired playsets:
  • Ted DiBiase's jewelry store. (Please don't give Virgil ideas, you know he would make a cheap one in order to make a quick buck.) 
  • Ted DiBiase in swim-trunks on cheap cardboard. (Ditto.)
  • Fuji Bandito. 
  • The Flower Shop (for your young daughter wanting a 300 pound man in a dress).
  • The Big Pink Room (with green-screen).
  • The Rooftop of Titan Towers.
  • Primetime Wrestling.
  • The TVS Techwood Drive Studio with prerecorded lines David Crockett.
  • The Event Center.
  • The In Your House House.
  • 1991 Halloween Havoc with detachable graveyard and Chamber of Horrors.
  • The Gobbledy Gooker with giant egg. 
  • My Dinner with Pepper.
  • The Hardcore Title in the Family Entertainment Center.

Blade's desired playsets:
  • Fuji Vice (featuring the Seahawk).
  • Fuji General.
  • Piper's Pit (perhaps followed by Piper in Alcatraz).
  • Flair for the Gold with Shockmaster breakaway wall.
  • Cactus Jack Lost in Cleveland.
  • York Foundation (with Richard Morton and Terrence Taylor in an office setting).
  • The Black Scorpion's stage for magic tricks to do for yourself at home.
  • Tuesday Night Titans with Lord Alfred on the couch.
  • The Stephanie Wyand Dream House with WWF Superfans.
  • "The Big Show's Dad's Funeral" (with casket).
  • No Holds Barred (numerous scenes in the series).
  • Bobby Heenan with the Rosati sisters and Jameson with his pillow.
  • A giant Miss Elizabeth head (before he forgets about them).
Ultimately Blade would go with the Fuji Vice with Seahawk. RD goes with Primetime Wrestling with Wheel Spun by Cheatum to Make the Deal.

293 Fun House: April 12, 2020

Squeal Like A Pig, Allen!
93 minutes

Blade's audio setup returns him to Smooth Jazz. RD's audio setup returns him to Jeff Foxworthy.

Blade threatens to talk about wrestling before he coughs into the microphone. RD thinks Tam's release and the global pandemic are related.

Blade bought some custom made coasters from RD. He has also made some WC related ones with the help of his wife.

Bitey is taking a break from soundbiting Fantasy Booking Island and using a HulkTrolla the other day. (:10)

RD's tournament is down to the Final between Katie Vick and David Arquette. (:12) RD was surprised by Judy Bagwell's path all the way to the Conference Finals including Giant Gonzales, but even she could not stop runaway Katie who was up in the 90s and a...69 to the Gooker (who was also up in the 90s). Beaver Cleavage also got high due to weak competition. Meanwhile Arquette went beyond the Shockmaster (and No Way Outback Jack). The Yeti had a Cinderella run defeating original worst gimmick Red Rooster. More mockery of him ensues. Meat also erected himself  beyond Al Wilson by 0.5%, Naked Mideon beat the Boogeyman, and the Black Scorpion disappeared. Blade wonders if some of their footage will appear in Arquette's upcoming documentary.

Sad News: Blade forgot to send in a predictive bracket.

Sadder News: Both vote for the first time. Katie is currently in the lead.

Saddest News: Brakus was not one of the contenders, but he was extensively and insultingly made fun of by Jim Ross and Vince Russo in Vice TV's Dark Side of the Ring series' latest episode on the Brawl For All. (:29) RD once ran away from New Jack. Blade almost stayed in a hotel room with him, but Mustafa did give him a beer once. He does his Jeff Foxworthy impression. "God bless Doc." He does his Jim Ross impression.

[To quote the induction on why he deserves such ridicule: "Well, in poor Brakus’ case, he got bested by Savio Vega. This while Jim Ross dubbed Brakus the “German Superman.” Somehow I doubt the real Superman would have become as famous as he is if he got beat up by Savio Vega."]

Young Buck Nick Jackson is a father for the third time. (:37)

Blade has sent RD so many screen caps of Fifth Horsewoman Tam. (:40) She is offering some special offer on her Snapchat or other and yet again can not handle people expectantly being people such that she thinks Ashley Massaro is still alive. Blade does his Tam impression. Krankor's laughing has woken up Bitey. "Did you ever see her porno film?"

Gary "Blue" Oransky of Facebook has today's Question because he commented first: (:47) "In these trying times how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?" he asks. Blade hasn't been on a date in a week (so he's been out of action longer then). RD is considered "essential" enough to be out and about, lucky him.

Blade's random photo was featured on his idol Godfather's Pizza social network, in the pinnacle of his life up to this point. (:50)

Since that was not a proper Question RD went back to The Board again. (:52) He had gone down a recent thread of a "tribute to women in wrestling" (was it the same one he had gone to previously?). "Sexist" Blade reads something sent by RD about "Soul Kane" lusting over Liv Morgan in the Elimination Chamber.

Also from that same Facebook thread from Brian Keith Johnson/Jackson, who was second: (:57) "What woman in wrestling today would you want to be quarantined with?" Don's daughter wouldn't be one of them for the still quarantined Blade. RD wants non-woman Orange Cassidy (like me), non-woman Chris Jericho with his bubbly, non-woman Batista for a brief minute, and Becky Lynch with her dolls. Blade wants Mickie James to sing country songs about Christmas sweaters with, non-woman Black Scorpion to practice magic tricks with, and non-sane person Tam.

"Celebrations" for Triple H's 25 years will "begin" on Smackdown in two weeks, in news that definitely needs no further comment. The Fruitcakes do so anyway, for obvious reasons. (:63)

Big Black Room WrestleMania was alright, except for Becky Lynch who only appeared in the fourth match, and Michael Cole who once again showcased his commentating mastery. (:69) The Fruitcakes worry over the hilarious gimmick matches now influencing others to make it worse by copying them (and WWE adding to things by also failing to copy themselves properly). Blade fears the Undertaker will now use such matches to continue wrestling to Ric Flair age levels. The Fun House encounter was particularly awful surface-wise, reminding rambling Blade of the teleporting not-hot Dungeon of Doom, among other things.

However RD is thankful Vince did not (yet) do a match based on Deliverance.

Seventeen easily digestible syllables:
Ruthless Aggression.
Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
Aggression. Bad Shit.



$1.50 : $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

(292) Bitey's Revenge: April 1, 2020

..But not as terrifying as this podcast, Alfred!
"3" (27) minutes

Bitey tries his claw hosting with predictable results Random albeit looped/sequential bird soundclips take over for RD & Blade RD plays all his soundclips available to him RD attempts an avant-garde meditative audio piece RD last minute submits his monthly quota for the peanut gallery.

Co-Hosss Contest Year 14: An owl and a droid imitating parrot fail to impress with their own soundclips. Current Tally: 0 of ???.

Chirp:
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.
Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp Chirp.



...Go vote?



$32.50 Chirp $19.99 Chirp

Episode 48: April Awfulness: April 1, 2020

44 minutes

RD: "I was a fool."

RD has forgotten the last time they did this when they talked about Star Wars. Blade has to keep entertaining the people. He once found WC during his regular search for the Black Scorpion. RD: "How can things be bad?"

WC is currently has some March Madness April Awfulness through a tournament vote on the worst gimmick of them all in honor of its 20th anniversary. (:07) Blade: "Boy I tell ya, 2020 is shaping up to be a great year."

Today:

Round 1, Quarter 1 (FIGHT):

  • Bastion Booger vs. The Ding Dongs: Blade cannot get behind bell ringing so he goes with the DDs. RD wants them to win too but he thinks they will lose.
  • Katie Vick vs. TL Hopper: Both go for the cheerleader in Blade's basement.
  • MIRROR MATCH: IRS vs. Captain Mike Rotundo/Rotunda: Blade found IRS stupider then, but nowadays not as bad as a Captain of a varsity club turned boat. He still thinks IRS will win though the Captain should win due to his horrible t-shirt.
  • Pirate Paul Burchill vs. Funkasaurus Brodus Clay: Blade goes with the random pirate who he has already forgotten due to his drinking. RD wants him to win also to nautically fight the Captain.
  • Rambo Greg Gagne vs. "The Dragon": Blade finds Ricky Steamboat's 'reintroduction' dumb, but the two go with the man with the deadly boring monologues. 
  • BATTLE OF THE BIG MEN: Great Khali vs. Giant Gonzalez: Blade thinks Khali will win due to being more recent but they both want his challenger to win due to his actual awfulness.
  • Judy Bagwell vs. Bertha Faye: Both go with Judy who is expected to win due to her bad appearances and dragging down her son with her.
  • Claire Lynch vs. Piggy James: Both think Claire will win although "fat" Mickie James is absurd beyond all reason. Blade will vote for his Centaur.
Round 1, Quarter 2 (FIGHT): (:15)

  • MIRROR MATCH: Fake Diesel & Razor Ramon vs. Oz: Both will vote for Oz who may win due to being extremely dumb and distracting Blade from his pornography. RD can't afford Mama on his show.
  • Isaac Yankem DDS vs. Gary Spivey: Both go with the dentist since they love the other so much. They both want Gary to win regardless.
  • SPORTS: The Goon vs. Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz: Both go with Abe, the expected winner.
  • The Gobbeldy Gooker vs. Max Moon: A touch matchup to be sure, but they go with their mascot.
  • LATE 90s: Beaver Cleavage vs. Glacier: Both go with Beaver. Glacier is too good to be around here!
  • The Booty Man vs. Farting Natalya Neidhart: Booty was ridiculously awful and had Kimberley Page of all people, but recent Natty may get the edge here.
  • STUBBY: Rocco vs. Chucky: Both go with Rocco due to his interfering with the Legion of Doom.
  • Xanta Klaus vs. Cheatum the Evil One-Eyed Midget: The Deal Maker was an integral part of the early days, so both go with him.
Round 1, Quarter 3 (FIGHT): (:22)

  •  Pro Wrestler Jay Leno vs. Survivor Jenna Morasca: Both are bad but the two go with Jay in what is admittedly a very close match (and his at least being better in the ring), but RD thinks Jenna will progress.
  • Outback Jack vs. Se7en: RD thinks Jack will win easily, though Blade remembers RD laughing about Rhodes and his Baloney Pony among its general badness.
  • The Shockmaster vs. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese: Both think the Shockmaster will trip into a blowout.
  • QUESTIONABLE CHAMPIONS: WCW Champion David Arquette vs. WWE Champion Jinder Mahal: Both go with David though he may not be as recent as the other guy.
  • HORRIBLE ONE-NAMED WRESTLERS: Nailz vs. Zeus: Both go with Blade's favorite Zeus in another close match.
  • Adam Rose with Bunny vs. Kerwin White: Both go with the more "memorable" and longer lasting Adam.
  • The Repo Man vs. WCW's Mystery Man: Both go with the classic Repo Man before he can steal their stuff. Blade: "Ironically it's the worst possible match-up you could ever get if you wanted to see Road Warrior Animal take on Demolition Smash."
  • The Dungeon of Doom vs. Billionaire Ted: A tough one, but Blade will go with the Dungeon due to the very random Ted. RD agrees with him.
Round 1, Quarter 4 (FIGHT): (:32)

  • Black Scorpion vs. Gene "Boba Foot" Snitsky: RD wants Blade's Scorpion to destroy his opponent.
  • KISS Demon vs. Saba Simba: Blade thinks Saba was not a good idea. His Book of Lists Exclamation Point was signed by Tony Atlas. RD goes with him but he thinks the Demon will win this one.
  • SEX SEX SEX: Meat vs. Hugh G. Rection: Both want Meat to win but they think the other one will be bigger.
  • Al Wilson vs. Billy & Chuck: Blade once worked with a guy who was involved with writing both. He will go with Al in honor of his daughter. RD wants him to win though it may be hard against the other two.
  • BIRD BIRD BIRD: Red Rooster vs. Sting's Guard Bird: Blade is speechless so he asks Bitey for help. He doesn't have an opinion either. So Blade goes with Red, "the worst gimmick of all time" in said Book of Lists. Both wonder if Sting will make a run for it regardless since he is more recent. RD wants Bitey to choose again.
  • The Yeti vs. Dink the Clown: Dink is bad enough to win but both will go with the Yeti anyway (if the Dungeon of Doom doesn't win for him that is).
  • Mantaur vs. Naked Mideon: RD for the former, Blade for the latter.
  • The Boogeyman vs. Papa Shango: Blade takes a while before choosing the former, RD for the latter.
Neither is sure who will win the whole thing anyway due to all the badness present. Even the Black Scorpion has tough competition in his quarter.

The two will return once this round has been decided within the next few days, assuming Blade will still be alive by then.