Episode 23: Holy Dew!: January 9, 2021

The Ring of Wax
"The Riddler's latest scheme involves stealing a wax figure to melt down for its wax that is powerfully corrosive when exposed to direct flame."
79 minutes

"RD: Ready to Wax Philosophically" Vince had a quiet New Year's since he finds the whole thing "depressing". RD at least stays up a bit to watch the proceedings and not know any of the celebrities.

Vince tries to liven things by showing the Blu-Ray box set of the series (for $100, a bargain at 40% of the price). Among the pictures is a glamor shot of Alfred and a close-up of Gordon and O'Hara on a boat. (:04) 

He then asks his "fellow wrestling fan" about women bleeding profusely in matches, rather than sparingly. See, this is the difference in Co-Hossses. Vince talks about women bleeding from matches. Blade talked about women bleeding during their time of the month. No wonder he died without having ever married. RD watched The Passion of the Christ with a co-worker who complained about how it ended. "Well don't watch Titanic then! You'll be disappointed!" 

A "wax" statue of Batman is to unveiled at Madame Soleil's Wax Museum...except that it's been replaced by the Riddler. (:15) RD is saddened that it wasn't actually wax. He's reminded of an episode of The Twilight Zone where Martin Balsam is compelled by wax figures of serial killers to become one of them. Vince saw House of Wax in the original 3-D. Anyway, the wax statue shoots red paint at the crowd and the camera. 

Soleil calls Gordon who promises to "take care of this personally" by delegating it to the Duo. They are huddled around a globe with Aunt Harriet wondering the location of Lima. Bruce: "If we don't know about our friends to the south, how can we carry out our good neighbor policy?" Sadly he does not then take the opportunity to shill the Alliance for Progress. Alfred informs them of the Batphone in normal speaking voice. Aunt Harriet: "Oh, those two! Hither, thither, and yon!"

Young RD once snapped his collarbone being unfamiliar with football. (:25)

O'Hara is happy to tell the Duo that he thinks he's solved one of the riddles too obviously. Robin guesses Riddler may hit a library. But first he has to monologue at the Kandlelight Candle Factory with his goons Tallow and Matches and his lady Moth as they melt Batman's chocolate-style figure. 

Riddler: "Oh, if only this were the real Batman. Oh, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wished! That his too, too solid flesh would melt and resolve itself into a dew!"
Moth: "Oh, Riddler honey, that's beautiful!"
Riddler: "I wrote it myself."

RD wonders where he got his people from and if he changed their names for them. 

Riddler reveals they had smuggled in a universal solvent in the Batstatue through ecstatic happiness. 

The Gotham City Public Library has a vault for books, like just about all libraries have. Somehow the villains get around without anyone wondering on their outfits or that one guy who looks just like the Riddler. The only guard who comes across them gets easily gassed by a candle. Riddler reveals the solvent works silently on the lock, perfect for a library. He then loudly laughs and jumps around in excitement. The Duo show up anyway. Librarian: "Heavens to Betsy!" She too hasn't noticed "a man wearing a bright green suit with big black question marks on it". 

Meanwhile Moth has to go by hand through a card index as she waits for her boss. Vince only gives her 5 Batpoles due to her off-putting face. RD gives her 7 but thought she had too much makeup. Linda Gaye Scott was in the original Westworld and many classic TV shows despite having what RD thinks may be a Geocities site. 

Riddler finds a book on Incan treasures and lets out a "HUZZAH". Just wait until he finds a Shakespeare First Folio and finds more lines he can pass off as his own! The Duo appear to fight with his armed goons before he sprays them with "Dr. Riddler's instant forever stick invisible wax emulsion" to root them to the floor, then gasses them and leaves with another riddle. Batman: "If only the Riddler's inventive mind could be channeled for good, what a better world this would be!" Robin guesses the next riddle involves some wax in a hole. 

To the Batcave! Using the Hyperspectragraphic Analyzer they figure out the Riddler has his silent solvent. They clunky work backwards to determine it's to do with the wax museum. Again. There the villains are "hiding" as revolutionaries. RD is still upset it's again not actual wax being used. Riddler knocks the Duo out with blowdarts and puts them in a blue van. He then decides to steal the Batmobile. RD thinks Penguin warned him about its dangers while in jail together. So Riddler succeeds in his theft. They then return to their normal outfits: "we'd better get our everyday clothes back on, we look too suspicious this way."

He compares Batman to a diamondback rattlesnake as the Duo awaken in "the enormous candle dipper" of "the proverbial pickle". "BM's package" Vince handwrote and underlined as he noticed it was Batman's turn to have something big under the utility belt. RD wonders if it was a stunt double instead. The Duo ask Riddler about his plans anyway as they are lowered. Narrator: "Will Batman wax serious?"

Vince wonders what happens if ever they get an unsolvable riddle. Alexa's increased assertiveness is worrying the two. 

Vince seeks RD's help in getting a jukebox of his own. (:74) He recently cracked a toilet seat from sitting on it too hard. He should have used a trashbag. RD wonders if he too will have more toilet related stories to share over the years.

 

  • Special Guest Villain: The Riddler [3] (Frank Gorshin) [3]
 
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Uncomfotable, the bra
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD
  • Blue Van: 1

 

Gooker 2021: Vote or be fired!

Welp. 2021. It sure was...another year.

Let us get the obvious bad out of the way, besides the still present pandemic.

In March Blade Braxton's constant alcoholic abuse, wrestling related concussions, and dodging payments finally caught up with him at the age of 46. He was one of several no longer with us, including Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. Many smaller and indie promotions found themselves reducing or closing operations. And WWE continued to coast on the waves of mediocrity, firing people left and right in the midst of average content, live audience or otherwise, and even reducing access to their Network in the US through its sale to NBC Universal's Peacock.

However there was still some good to be found. AEW continued to gain strength as a long awaited for viable contender, including some of the best matches of the year. TNA somehow managed to improve a fair bit. And RD successfully pivoted into doing a video progrem with Vince Russo.

Even if it was about the old Batman '66 TV series.

In any event, here are your nominees for the worst of the year.

1. "The Fiendess" Alexa Bliss: The news that came out was that Bliss wanted to work with Bray Wyatt, the original Fiend and regular Gooker nominee. That should have been a clue to how bad things would get. In the beginning Bliss became the Robin to Bray Wyatt's Batman *Insert Hidden Plug Here*. There was one little, WEEE, problem though. Bray Wyatt was written off WWE programming and eventually fired. Since "The Fiend" is Bray Wyatt's property, but more importantly WWE's property, they decided to just let Bliss continue on as her version of "The Fiend". It...was not what everybody wanted! If you hated Bray Wyatt's Fiend, then you'll probably cringe over Bliss' version. It was baffling, confusing, and just god awful. It literally was the definition of WWE's "Sports Entertainment" in all the wrong reasons. I'm not even sure what the hell this is! [Bad makeup from a billion dollar - after mass firings - corporation?]
2. Becky Lynch squashes Bianca Belair at Summerslam: Personal Note here. I, Raging_Demons, the Librarian writing this, HATE Becky Lynch. She is the pro wrestling version of a "joke thief", a comedian who steals jokes from other comedians as their own. And man is she awful in the ring. That being said when Becky came back from maternity leave the WWE faithful (besides myself) was expecting her return to be huge! HYOOOGE I say! [Whatever you say, McMahon.] She returned at Summerslam and it was, in fact, huge. However, it was huge for all the wrong reasons. Just like her fellow Irishman, Sheamus. she squashed Bianca Belair, in what seemed like 18 seconds. Unlike Sheamus's squash on Daniel Bryan (now Brian Danielson), Becky's squash made her the Smackdown's Women's champion AND gave her an unexpected heel turn. So in one event, Lynch stole two gimmicks. AND she then later on stole her hubby, Seth Rollins', gimmick of being a "Drip God" by making herself a "Drip Goddess". [Not sure I understand that particular reference there Brad. Are you implying the couple has a leakage problem?]

 
Ethan Page was in IMPACT before he went to where he's at right now in AEW. The North, his one HELL of a tag team with Josh Alexander, had just lost the Titles. Apparently he didn't take the loss well. So Page kind of had a "psychotic break". He slowly turned into a personality he called "Karate Man", giving him the excuse to show off his martial arts skills and SPIFFY headband. Page, sorry, "Karate Man", started to randomly attack others then started to attack his partner Josh Alexander.  
 
 
Yes. Ethan Page was going to have a mirror match with himself! 
 

4. WWE promotes Netflix movies with hilarious results for all the wrong reasons: WWE took this on themselves on behalf of former WWE wrestlers superstars Dave Bautista for Army Of The Dead and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson for Red Notice. How did they do?
 
For the former, how do you promote a zombie movie? If you say..."introduce a whole bunch of zombies into a PPV event" then you would be right. [Also why are you reading this McMahon?] WWE randomly packed tons of zombies throughout their PPV Backlash, in such a way as if they asked Homer Simpson for promotional advice. [And then promptly fired him.] 
 
 

How WWE handled things was somewhat, but unexpectedly, mixed. Some acted like wallkers from The Walking Dead, expected to run up and surprise targets and literally take them down. Some acted like theyy were the traditional B-movie zombie, walking slowly and loudly demanding BRAINSSS. Or they could act like Cesaro and completely no-sell them and go "Ooh! Zombies! Gotta get a selfie with them for my Instagram page!" They even interfered in a match between Damien Priest vs The Miz with ended up with Miz being *eaten* by zombies. Bautista was bombarded on his Twitter account for the horrifically bad promotion that WWE did. His response was basically "Don't blame me! I had no participation in this!" Of course, to the hardcore WWE fan who is still watching, aka the mentally challenged, they would call it "great entertainment". 

If WWE didn't learn anything from promoting Army Of The Dead, which they didn't, they got paid literally a dump truck filled with money to promote Red Notice. WWE basically played up the idiocy by Vince McMahon bringing in one of the movie's "golden eggs" to set up a whodunit when the egg got "stolen". Social media didn't believe that horrible bad acting that was going on and they mocked it like hell. One of the commentators actually said "nothing happens at Survivor Series when an egg is involved" The egg got "stolen" then "found" at next day's Raw when Austin Theory returned it.
 
He got rewarded for his theft by being booked to lose the show's main match.

WWE just went by their recent formula for success: It doesn't matter if you make good quality "entertainment". As long as you get a huge pile of money, its all good!

(Also before WWE's "attempts" of promotion, Ryan Reynolds promoted for the movie one week before they did.) 
 
[Also also because two films with massive budgets, two of the biggest stars in Hollywood, and on one of the largest streaming services...OBVIOUSLY needs as much advertising and marketing as possible on barely connected and barely watched wrestling shows. Totally makes sense. 
 
Still it could have been worse. You could have had further promotion for Bautista in Dune by having McMahon go on a drugged bender in the desert. I mean, besides what he does already when overseeing the shows anyway.]

5. The Queen's Crown Tournament: Unless you make a lot of money with WWE (Sasha Banks, Bayley, Charlotte), or are protected like Roman Reigns (Becky Lynch), WWE claims that they try to have a women's revolution. Years later we know that they don't do that. They try, but they fail at doing so. [Or forget that they have tried doing so ala McMahon losing his memory at old age. Assuming they haven't already fired the people responsible.] Hence their latest attempt, "The Queen's Crown Tournament", the women's version of the classic King Of The Ring Tournament. 

The whole tournament really was just...crapped out. All the competing women had insanely short matches with the final match was no longer than 5 minutes. The winner turned out to be...Zelina Vega?! The same Zelina Vega who didn't want to give up her successful Twitch account and got fired?! The same Zelina Vega given a Push from Hell as part of an apology for being brought back? Yeah... 

6. Toni Storm's WWE tenure: A very late Gooker nominee since this occured on the last week of the year. Once upon a time, WWE hired one Toni Storm when she participated in The Mae Young Classic on NXT due to her obvious talent. 

So what did WWE due next? If you said push her to the moon, you would be dead wrong. [Again, why are you still reading this McMahon? Don't you have more people to fire?] Instead, Storm got rarely pushed, she rarely appeared on NXT, and was promoted to Smackdown...where she rarely appeared. Oh wait, I'm sorry. She was promoted to Smackdown...to get into a pie fight with Charlotte Flair. 
 
That was all she could take before she did her best Eric Cartman impersonation and said: 
 
 

She quit WWE after that. She completed her last match, which was a house show, grabbed her things, paid for her own flight, and went home. 
 
Storm took to heart the trend of "Knowing Your Worth" that's been making the rounds of social media of late. She recognized she was in a situation that was Wrestlecrap and quit. Now, unfortunately, she may get a possible Gooker for her tenure. 

7. NXT 2.0h No: NXT was a failed reality competition show. Then Triple H changed it into its own farm system to train people in the WWE way before their official debut to make sure things don't go horribly wrong for themselves (see Sin Cara Negro). It was also a stopgap measure because at the time the average indy wrestler was getting more popularity than an average WWE wrestler thanks to social media. Take Danhausen for example. Danhausen took his indy career, social media, and his Youtube channel into a guest appearance on Conan O'Brien's podcast, occasional appearances as a guest host on Renee Paquette's podcast, appearances on other vlogs like Ethan Page's, and a brief career in ROH. (It wasn't his fault, it was Ring Of Honor having a temporary shutdown and release of all their contracts. They're not dead. Yet!) AEW & Danhausen fans are constantly wanting AEW to sign the guy. 

NXT became quite popular thanks to the quality of talent from behind and in front of the ring, such was perceived that it was the superior product instead of RAW or Smackdown! WWE had faith in NXT that they secured a national Wednesday time slot, and also a way to stop some up-and-coming wrestling promotion from being a threat. That promotion was called AEW. Thus what fans would call a new version of the Monday Night Wars became the Wednesday Night Wars. First show Dynamite versus third-ranked NXT. WWE was thinking that NXT would destroy Dynamite easily. 
 
Only...it didn't. Dynamite slowly crushed NXT to a point that WWE moved NXT to not be in direct competition. 

WWE now thinks that NXT is damaged goods. So what does WWE want to do to "fix" it? Why, firing all the old people and replacing them with hip, younger people! Imagine Vince McMahon and all the older staff people trying to look hip and cool!
All the talent were either fired, replaced, or had their contracts run out. NXT, along with the rest of the company, will now hire only young talent (to easily train them in THEIR ways). The backstage talent was also released. Gone were established talents creating a great product. Now its just "talent" who don't know how to wrestle a good match. Gone were the dark colors of NXT. Now its colors from a Ben & Jerry's carton.
Even to this day, WWE continues to fire a lot of backstage talent [I'm noticing a trend here] which just recently included on-screen talent William Regal who was just about to become a trainer. [And Samoa Joe. Again.] It looks like Vince and his lackeys are literally taking apart the hard work Triple H made to make NXT something and turning it into a memory.

[I am like many others believing that Bron Breakker Rich Steiner has far too much talent to remain stuck there. He should find a way to get to bigger fields before HE gets cut too. It's simple math.]

8. WWE's continuous future endeavours: Throughout 2021 WWE fired about 60+ employees. This adds to the 90+ released during 2020. 20% of those wrestling were hired evenly between AEW or IMPACT.

So, for all those that say, "Oh Tony Khan has hired everyone that left WWE!" Just shut up! Tony Khan has not hired everyone! That is a lie set up by WWE idiots and fans and idiot fans!
 
He's only hired half of everyone. That's all!
 
Here's the thing though. WWE keeps firing people and yet they are not losing any money at all. In fact they made a ton of money last year! This is my choice for Gooker. WWE: Abandon all hope ye who enter here!
 
[Also what good is McMahon's exultation for his workers to reach for those brass rings when he keeps firing them before they can do so?]

9. Cody Rhodes' will-he-or-won't-he heel turn: Now to AEW with, of all people, Cody Rhodes. 
 
Cody was slowly gaining heat for that horrible reality show of his Rhodes to the Top, which is so bad it makes that one by the Bella Twins look good. At this point, he was becoming like John Cena: liked by others, hated by a few. 
 
However he started getting full blown heel during a match versus Malakai Black, Cody accidentally knocked down his "trainer" Arn Anderson. Anderson fell like he was seriously injured while Cody just continued on like nothing happened. The fans noticed and started hating it IMMEDIATELY!

Now usually when WWE comes up a situation like this, they just ignore the fans and let people remain where they are role and story wise, such as John Cena staying face even though he was slowly getting booed throughout the years, or Roman Reigns getting booed for YEARS as a face. 
 
Cody on the other hand... he basically said "Fuck You! I'm a good guy, deal with it!" He even went on-the-record by saying "I would rather retire from Pro Wrestling than go Heel!

Cody has tried to return to be a face but it's just not working. He even tried to toss his weight belt to the crowd.  Usually the crowd would keep anything tossed in by the wrestlers. Here they tossed it back! He's enjoying his time teasing the heel turn that he just got back the TNT Title for a third time, off Sammy Guevara who fans wanted to see with it. Guevara went just TWO weeks with the title and they gave him a custom title FOR NOTHING!

Right now, Cody is ENJOYING the fact that he's teasing his turn. As the AEW faithful are waiting for it, and they can since they just spent over 2+ years waiting for "Hangman" Adam Page becoming World Champion, then that heel turn will come even if it means tolerating the return of Brandi Rhodes. 

[Admittedly I wouldn't mind this indecisiveness if it avoids him getting another laughably bad neck tattoo. UNLESS ITS ALL PART OF THE PLAN TOO.]

And finally,

10. Kenny Omega vs. Jon Moxley in an "Exploding" "Barbed" "Wire" "Death" "Match": If you don't know what an "Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch" is, it's pretty simple. The ring ropes are replaced with barbed wire and actual explosives, not dangerous if possible, will detonate every few minutes. Mick Foley and Terry Funk had wrestled a few of these matches and in fact it was one of these matches that infamously made Foley slice his ear off. It's quite possible one of the most brutal matches ever! And it was definitely the most hyped match of the year.

It started like this: Kenny Omega just won the World Title off Jon Moxley by shenanigans. Moxley wanted the title back. Omega said he'll give him a rematch, but only if it was an "Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch".

The AEW fans were literally drooling over the place. Omega has had great matches and is nicknamed "The Best Bout Machine". Moxley had past expertise in deathmatches. This was a wrestling nerd's wet dream! Everyone was expecting a good match. 
 
It ended with Eddie Kingston trying to protect Moxley from...well...(minus the laughter of course): 
 
 

We were expecting explosions and violence, not...sparklers! 
 
AEW tried to correct the overselling for the crap they had heavily promoted by letting Omega be Aizen from Bleach [he was replaced by Kyle Hebert? I love his voice acting!]: he had "planned" for this and the sparklers was a way "to humiliate Moxley". Then he mocked Kingston by trying to impersonate him "protecting Moxley". 
 
Though unlike Kingston AEW couldn't cover that they heavily hyped up a match that literally their asses wouldn't cash. 

10 choices. One possible winner for the 2021 Gooker. Admittedly these nominees are very hard choices to select for this year. It's as if you have to go "Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe". 
 
 

[Or you could just be me and vote for all of them using the sneaky of hack of "multiple private browser windows. Or if you're as lazy as I am, just voting for the mass firings. Although NXT 2.0 is also a close contender on matters of mishandling talented people. But please don't let me try to interfere. This isn't a 2020 US election!]
 
You have until Jan 14th to pick who will get the 2021 Gooker, with the "winner" being posted on Jan 20th. Vote now!

Episode 22: Holy Whale Oil!: January 2, 2021

Not Yet, He Ain't
"Framed by the Penguin, Batman and Robin prepare a trap to lure the supervillain into executing his true scheme's masterstroke."
66 minutes

"RD: Hoping Russo Doesn't SNAP like Robin!" Has he already forgotten he only Swerves? He sent Vince pictures of Christmas pizza rolls. Teenage Vince once worked for a week in a Sbarro's until he got fired for misreading the schedule. Adult Vince has around 30 Funko figurines.

Vince likes today's unique creativity, where "behind the scenes" the Duo manage to move their legs to reduce their frames to just their bulletproof shoes. Vince wonders how Robin can wear such tiny shoes in that case. This also releases a Batknife stored in Batman's glove. The Penguin pays up as O'Hara finds the recoil of the "pop gun" surprisingly strong. The Penguin then finds the Duo have escaped. "Great blubbering whale oil! They're evaporated!" followed by a "Curses! CURSES!" Vince wishes he had written more "curses" while in wrestling.

Vince watches the episodes on his personal large curved TV in his basement away from the normal use 40" one. He has a personal music one where he can listen to his over 4000 albums including some Batalbums and the complete discography of Tiny Tim. He recommends RD to watch Licorice Pizza due to his daughter, usually a harsh critic. 

In the Batcave the Duo are stumped. (:15) Robin wonders to a milk drinking Batman why they didn't stick around to stop Penguin who attempted to kill them. Batman shifts responsibility to the police. Vince wonders why Penguin didn't citizen's arrest them for the police and use it for his alibi in court. Perhaps Harvey Dent was out of town for it. 

At Police HQ Penguin is suddenly there threatening Gordon to arrest the Duo or be sent back to the "Department of Sanitation". This is the first RD has heard of this. This is the first I have heard of this. Perhaps someone can write Batman: Year Zero and expand upon this? Penguin then calls on the Batphone to give themselves up. Batman gives himself 25 minutes to come to him. Gordon dramatically tells O'Hara to have the police there to arrest him when he shows up. The Duo call Gordon from the Batphone in response without telling the audience ala Hitchcock.

They then show up at Penguin's agency doing their best Joker impression of madness. Robin as a crazed zombie: "WE'VE SNAPPED!" Batman as Zur-En-Arrh: that one meme. The goons come in with machine guns and miss completely. The Duo then try to escape, but the police stop the Batmobile u-turn and O'Hara actually remembers he has a gun to fire at Batman. 

The police then shoot the Duo in the back gangster-style and cover the bodies with black tarp while O'Hara watches nonchalantly.

The Co-Bros do not remember any of this. (:31) 

The goons react by trying to drive the Batmobile, but like Kane they don't know how to drive a stick shift. Vince temporarily confuses RD by not knowing what manual transmission means (he does, thankfully).

Cut to Gordon's office where he requests the Duo to be buried with full honors. 

Cut to Stately Wayne Manor where Aunt Harriet is wearing something horrendous with a bra. Alfred does a good show of pretending to lose it.

Cut back to Gordon's office where O'Hara demands compensation for using 297 blanks. Yes, it was all a (non-Russo) swerve, otherwise the show would end.

Cut to the Batcave where the Duo are watching the Penguin and Sophia Starr in the Birdmobile with custom bird decals stop another robbery. Batman bets a milkshake this is another fake. Robin: "Holy Romeo and Juliet!" Vince gives Sophia 7.5 Batpoles on account of her face. RD gives 5.5. He reads some of actress Kathleen Crowley's entry. Sad News: McMahon was not obsessed with Gunsmoke as once rumored. Vince has an autographed picture of Ken Curtis as Festus. 

Penguin has a sign notifying that "this loot" is under his protection of a bridal room for a sudden wedding. A bomb goes off in a water pipe and trick umbrellas are handed out to distract from the Penguin stealing the presents and gassing the police.

This was apparently his master plan all along. 

The Duo have to come on the Mobile Batcycle. 

Robin: "Time to jolt him with our gimmicks!"
Batman: "Hmmm." 

They use their Remote Control Ejector Button to launch crash test dummies of the goons 40 feet into the air. The Penguin reacts by looking around randomly. The Duo then mess around with the doors as he tries to close them with his umbrella. Robin hears the goons complain from a mile away (or perhaps through a bug). They close on Penguin who misses his shots at point blank. They then hogtie him (with cigarette in mouth) and his goons onto the Mobile. 

The stolen goods are collected in Gordon's office. Batman plans to fumigate the Batmobile. Sophia is still in love with Penguin, who is still planning to get away with it. Upon hearing her confession he instead exclaims: "Great quivering icebergs! Take me to prison!" Vince wonders if he would be attracted to anyone. RD makes fun of his eyesight.

Vince found many things memorable like the Penguin's waddle, more so than anything WWE has currently, and liked the episode overall. RD will always remember the Duo going crazy and getting "killed". 

The Riddler is to make his third appearance of the season next week. Vince wonders how much the salaries were. He thinks Burt Ward can make an appearance for $500. RD hopes he's a jerk. Vince thinks they should get "spry" Lee Merriweather instead.


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [2] (Burgess Meredith) [2]


  • URLs not taken: 1. VinceRussoDrivesAnIceCreamTruck.com 
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Highly unlikely
  • Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD

Episode 21: Holy Jeepers!: December 26, 2021

The Penguin Goes Straight
"The Penguin seems to have gone legit, but the Dynamic Duo suspects otherwise."
77 minutes

"RD is Jollier Than Alfred" by how he's wearing his Santa hat's beard over his face like a mask (certified HOHOHO95). Vince was confused by a video he had sent in which he and the family threw stockings with hot sauce bottles from their windows, an old family tradition. 

At a theater's matinee the performers go for a "refreshing orange drink." (:06) Vince wonders if it was Tang. The Penguin is there for "a penetrating documentary of our times" on morality. Suddenly a masked man appears to steal a woman's necklace. Penguin stops his gunfire with his bulletproof umbrella ("JUMPIN' JEEPERS! A bulletproof umbrella!") and punches him out with a "POW!" graphic like he was Batman. RD makes a "big igloo/orange drink" circle for the camera to show the woman's ecstatic reaction.

Cut to Police HQ where Gordon is surprised that "the waddling pompous of fowl play" prevented a crime of the necklace being stolen, belonging to one Sophia Starr. RD's mind goes places for some reason. Despite the Penguin not doing anything criminal Gordon still calls Batman anyway. 

Even weirder is Alfred's reaction when he answers the phone, sighing at the utter incompetence once again displayed by the police. "Alright Commissioner, I'll go fetch him for ya!" he sighs. (:13) Vince wonders if he was up for contract extensions. Bruce and Dick are practicing putting with braless Aunt Harriet when Alfred finds them and actually tries to be subtle with the call from "Mr. K. Rhyme" that is so obvious even Harriet picks up on it. 

Batman talks to Gordon with some indecipherable words that the two try to untangle. They go down the Batpole - just to talk more to Gordon in the Batmobile's Batphone. This could probably be because again, no crime was actually committed to meet to investigate. 

They thus decide to interrogate the arrested thief to see if he is actually one of Penguin's men. RD attempts to recreate the interrogation room with a desk lamp. The crook thinks they "read too many comic books." O'Hara threatens to punch him. Gordon calls him a "cheap hoodlum" and a "hard boiled cookie covered with armored plate icing". They then turn down the lights to project Batman's fluttering shadow. The crook responds by running into a wall knocking himself out. 

Vince disowned his sister for eating boiled peanuts and clogging toilet bowls. 

Meanwhile the Penguin is at the New Blood Millionaire's Club's steam room, where he saves a kidnapping victim named Richie Reggie Rich with the help of his unconvincing henchmen Eagle-Eye and Dove. (:28) He then pops his head up in between the Duo to eavesdrop. Batman: "You pompous talking creature!" Penguin declares he will safeguard Sofia's jewelry on behalf of Penguin Protective Agency Incorporated. The Duo reposition to the Batmobile to plan for Alfred to swap the jewels for traceable radioactive fakes. 

In the Penguin's lair the camera remains straight instead of Dutch angled, where he refuses Rich's reward for saving him. Well he IS a billionaire, he doesn't need the money. The henchmen complain on not being paid so he has to whack them over the head with the umbrella. 

Cut to Starr's penthouse. Narrator: "Plot and counter-plot: here's Alfred carrying out a risky chore under the guise of a man from Floyd's of Dublin Insurance Unlimited!" (:35) Alfred takes photos of the jewels but the Narrator yells at him that he didn't yet switch the cigarette holders for the anti-theft system that triggers. Vince thinks the Penguin has an alarm buzzer in his umbrella. RD remembers when this happened already with Penguin earlier in the year. Alfred escapes despite the Co-Bros wanting him to be angry that he was almost set up and done for. Instead he fears he did bad despite the Duo's reassurance. 

The Duo then drive the Batmobile at night, a rare occurrence on the show, to Starr's penthouse. Climbing up a wall Robin has worries so Batman wonders if he tied his shoes properly. Yet when inside and using Batman's stethoscope they run into the henchmen, causing a fight. Sofia calls a paper to run the headline "Crime Fighter Penguin Foils Dynamic Duo Jewel Heist!" (:42) Gordon is angry at the paper as Penguin calls him while eating a can of sardines, informing him of a police fundraiser at the Gotham City Amusement Pier. Gordon: "You abominable avian!" He informs the Duo in the Batmobile, and also if they show up they will be arrested. 

Robin: "Batman and I have an awful thought. What if Penguin really has gone straight?"
RD: "How would that be awful? Don't you want him to become a good guy? Don't you want him to not be terrible?"

At the Pier one of the "attractions" is a nightmare animatronic monkey with moving eyes. Another is a nightmare animatronic clown with moving eyes. Isn't that a Joker thing? 

Before the Duo could find more scares a cement filled umbrella traps them. Some henchmen hang their seven feet tall stunt doubles up behind a pop gun game. However Penguin has replaced the pellets with actual bullets, and he offers $1,000 to the visiting police to shoot the balloons and behind them - the Duo. RD expects the police to miss anyway since they're terrible at the rest of their jobs. Narrator: "Good grief! And good night! Double funeral tomorrow?"

RD tells Vince about the ordeal of inducting The Munsters' Scary Little Christmas. Vince: "Interesting." (:52)

RD then gets around to Vince's gift. (:57) He joked that knowing Russo Swerves he expected it to be empty. Instead he first finds garbage bags. Then the gift has another address on it. Then he has to break through the hermetic seal. Inside is Batman '66 meets The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (RD pretends he doesn't know it) and a '66 style Lego Batmobile.

Vince's father still plays softball at 91 years old.

With the concept of RD and Vince being friends and exchanging gifts, the two remind to be good, courteous, and serving to others, regardless of occasion or religion. After all, some things will not matter in death. (:69 - end)


  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [2] (Burgess Meredith) [2]


  • Outdated references: 1. Rex Reed
  • Screen Captures: 3. RD, RD, RD
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Horrifying

What If...Corporal Kirchner really was dead?

https://cultaholic.com/posts/former-wwe-star-corporal-kirchner-passes-away

I can't believe it was 15 years ago when he was (first) declared dead, and he had to prove he was still alive by "calling" WWCR and "shooting" the Co-Hossses through the phone.

Also here is another appearance where he plays a car for some reason.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends during this trying time.