Breaking Horsetrolla News.

Raging_Demons here boys and girls. I had planned to write a response to episode 295 but I couldn't find the particular items needed for it.

What's this? Breaking Horsetrolla news?! *pulls paper out of the Horsetrolla*

Oh. Oh MY! Uh...I might as well show you all why the Horsetrolla fired up.

That's right. Mickie James is running for President of The United States. Its not like she would have any competition like the current President Donald Trump. Or the current leader in the political polls Democrat Joe Bident. Or Kanye West. Or Paris Hilton. Or "Full House's" Bob Saget.

I'm sure the Co-Fruitcakes will go into full detail of a President that has a centaur's ass.

295 eBay at the Beach: June 30, 2020

RD: "Was fun till Sunny"
75 minutes

RD wanted to wait things out for a few days due to current events. That took longer than expected.

Then Blade got a brutal ear infection. That didn't help either.

Driven to the brink and at the last minute, they decide to cut their losses and record now. It technically still counts as June, right?

According to their (barnyard) logic, if King Kong Bundy always insisted on a 5-count for his matches, then Hulk Hogan should have always kicked out at 4.

Blade has a habit of bowling with smoke bombs on July 4th. (:08) RD: "Thanks for explaining how the calendar works."

Thus, today's pressed for time radio progrem consists of the two just going through eBay auctions (keyword 'wcw'). (:14) Blade wants to search by proximity for some reason despite being in no condition to perform.

  • Blade: Three Sting figures for $38.50 (all prices are USD). 
  • A 1999 DDP with magnetic grip. 
  • RD: An 8 inch 1997 Sting. 
  • Random computer games including WCW Nitro and something called "Airplanes" which is actually a demo disc for Wings of Glory (produced by Warren Spector!). RD rightfully calls it a ripoff. 
  • Blade: A $10 Goldberg VHS tape.
  • RD: 61 figures for $195.
  • 53 figures with DVDs (do any of them contain Goldberg?)
  • A $98 1993 Sid Vicious figure. A "mountain of muscle" with half the brain that you do.
  • Blade: A figure of Jimmy Hart in a yellow suit masquerading as Hulk Hogan.
  • A vibrating Scott Hall figure infested with fleas.
  • RD: 10 miles from his house (but with free shipping): A rain-covered baby carrier.
  • VHS tapes for $45.
  • A tape of Wrestlewar '89 for $19.
  • Blade: 30 miles from his trailer: Brian Pillman and Chris Benoit masquerading as D-X.
  • More vibrating figures of Andre the Giant and Kevin Nash.
  • RD: Scott Hall with Toad shaped chest hair.
  • A "loose" Fabulous Moolah (but does she vibrate?).
  • Blade: 50 miles from his trailer: A Fall Brawl / WarGames 1995 Snapback hat for the low low price of $130.
  • "Sold Cut" Kevin Nash (no word on if he's portrayed by a fake Diesel). 
  • RD found a seller of autographed cards. He makes Blade guess some of their prices (for 2014). Stan Lane: $17. Kevin von Erich: $35. Booker T: $9. Eric Bischoff: $20. "James E. Cornette": $38 (Does not come with sexual harassment as illustrated). Terri Runnels: $20 (Does not come with handgun or scam house as illustrated). A Konnan scribble: $11. Dennis Condrey: "only" $9. A Ryan Shamrock illustration where Blade thinks her nose is too unhealthily red: $20. 

The two then go international. Blade will search by highest price first, RD by lowest.

  • Blade: $12000 for a "bundle" of video wrestling footage.
  • RD: 75¢ auction for "1991 Championship Marketing WCW #10 Sid Vicious Wrestling Card" with the man tied down with plastic. He bids on it.
  • $1 1995 Jerry Sags with a picture of Brian Knobbs.
  • Blade: $9999.99 + $5 shipping MINT 9 1988 Lex Luger rookie card.
  • $8000 for a sealed VHS "private collection". Includes a German version of Road Wild '96, or as they call it, "Wild in Sturgis '96". RD sneezes as his bid.
  • $7500 1995 WCW Main event Nasty Boys rookie card.
  • RD: 99¢ Hollywood & Vine as Steve Austin. He wants to put that on one of his coasters.
  • $1.69 1999 Brian Knobbs card.
  • Blade: $5500 WrestleMania 6 Bobby Heenan Jacket.
  • $5000 GEM-MT 10 Kimberly Page rookie card.

Since they're on the subject, the two then look for Tam stuff (to have fun with).

  • Blade: $1500 for a "superstars 1 of 100" figure. This is the highest priced.
  • The next item is $800 (also a superstars figure).
  • Then $500 (ditto).
  • Then $320 for a WWF 1998 Calendar CD that Blade already has.
  • Then $130 for a "Sunny & Sid Ahmed Johnson Signed WWF WWE 1997 Bend-Ems Action Figure Set".
  • RD: There is no Sunny within 95 miles of his house (thankfully). 165 miles from his house: A 1998 "Get Pumped" Deadstock shirt for $200.
  • A 1996 Sunny Days print ad for a life management program for $2.30. RD: "I don't want her in charge of anything."
  • A $5 Sunny in Chains photo from Australia.
  • A 1996 Sunny Daze Collection print ad for $8.
  • A completed listing from Fort Mitchell, Kentucky for an "Absolutely Sunny" shirt. Sold on the 13th for $50 despite the lack of a chin.

Blade: "Pretend I'm your father."

RD does the Haiku since Blade is still in no condition to perform:
What a show this was.
To be honest, was not bad.
Was fun till Sunny.

$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

294 Sleep Stampede: May 25, 2020

One of the 12 listeners during this episode...with worst looking belt.

76 minutes

Blade is already sleepy in the afternoon. It's almost as if he's doing actual work! He is spending his time indoors re-listening to the whole podcast and slowly going mad, poor bastard. He tried the whole Star Trek canon, before he got distracted to Troma movies, before he got distracted again.

Blade: "My mind has a tendency of wondering."
RD: "I've never noticed this."

Distracted Blade is also a master of timing.
Blade: "Our big anniversary shows have been timed so they're like...double bombastic. Our 200th episode was our 5th anniversary show."
RD: "The output ain't what it once was, kids."
Blade: "You guys should have heard me back when we started this show."
RD: "It's amazing how much funnier we are off the air."

RD suspects I have bugged the tin can and string so I can get the jump on insulting and mocking Brad.


He is absolutely correct. How did he know? I guess I have to readjust my ways now. For one thing, I need to update my SpyTrolla 5000.

Blade never likes going to the grocery regardless of the situation, unlike RD. (:14) The latter went with his wife to Sam's Club to purchase a giant 2 pack (11 ounces each) of Red, White and Blue Crunch. Blade has an unopened box of Boo Berry from 2004 with 11 servings in it.

RD repeats month-old news about XFL Commissioner Oliver Luck suing Vince for $25 million. (:21) Anyway, Vince may be trying to secretly buy it back. You don't say. [Or maybe not? Or maybe not not?]

Jim calls to get annoyed by RD. (:27) He's stuck at an Arizonan bookstore for his "book tour" and wants to live in RD's basement. RD gives him and by extension Blade some advice. "Shove this show up your ass!" Jim replies in between (Blade's) laughing.

You know what that means...?
Bitey "might be over the show" according to Blade. (:31)

Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch are expecting. This angered Jim Cornette for some reason.

Matt Striker is a reality show contestant competing to impregnate somebody. I don't know either.

Mickie James now has a podcast of her own, with Victoria and SoCal Val as "Grown Ass Women". (:38) The two approve of their attempt.

Tam is back on OnlyFans. (:44) The two do not approve of her attempt. RD does his Nathaniel impression. Even Blade is slightly tongue-tied.

RD: "It's not that you've matured and you've become a better person; it's just due to being lazy."
Blade: "I'm better than you."

Simon Beach is first on Facebook. He asks how Parts Unknown is dealing with the lockdown. (:50) RD ignores Blade's response since it involves his mythical Yearbook.

What are some great looking belts? (:51) Blade has a seizure trying to understand what RD has to say. He likes the 80's green Intercontinental, Savage's winged eagle, and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. RD instead has the worst looking belts: Warrior's rainbows, the Cena spinner (ruthlessly aggressive spinning!), and Demolition's classic Tag Team Championship. It ruined Ric Flair's original run with the digitized Big Gold Belt such that he once had to carry a Tag Team belt. This was done instead of, say, WWF crafting another, like what Ted DiBiase once did in that one vignette. RD wishes there was a playset for that, but they leave discussion of that for another later recording.

Double or Nothing's Stadium Stampede greatly pleased the two, even without any angry cows or bulls (doesn't the horse count?). (:66) RD remembers when Sammy Guevara was in WWE only for Lacey Evans to make fun of him. Show attendee Iron Mark yawns.

Some Syllables:
Tyson All Elite.
He was there to present the belt.
Double or Not-yawn.

"I fell asleep; that haiku had eighteen syllables."

$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

Episode 49: Playsets: May 25, 2020

40 minutes

The Fruitcakes could not rush through their ordinary progrem fast enough to record this one, assuming Blade is not still "sleepy". Blade: "We may be approaching anniversary episode here."

Since they got distracted earlier talking about playsets, they use the opportunity to talk more about them here. Blade had several Star Wars ones when younger that he debated selling, even if they were all made of or were cardboard. RD had a "mainstream" Echo Base one.

The Empire Strikes Back, The Shining, Pac-Man, and that one KISS album came out within the same week 40 years ago. (:06)

RD's desired playsets:
  • Ted DiBiase's jewelry store. (Please don't give Virgil ideas, you know he would make a cheap one in order to make a quick buck.) 
  • Ted DiBiase in swim-trunks on cheap cardboard. (Ditto.)
  • Fuji Bandito. 
  • The Flower Shop (for your young daughter wanting a 300 pound man in a dress).
  • The Big Pink Room (with green-screen).
  • The Rooftop of Titan Towers.
  • Primetime Wrestling.
  • The TVS Techwood Drive Studio with prerecorded lines David Crockett.
  • The Event Center.
  • The In Your House House.
  • 1991 Halloween Havoc with detachable graveyard and Chamber of Horrors.
  • The Gobbledy Gooker with giant egg. 
  • My Dinner with Pepper.
  • The Hardcore Title in the Family Entertainment Center.

Blade's desired playsets:
  • Fuji Vice (featuring the Seahawk).
  • Fuji General.
  • Piper's Pit (perhaps followed by Piper in Alcatraz).
  • Flair for the Gold with Shockmaster breakaway wall.
  • Cactus Jack Lost in Cleveland.
  • York Foundation (with Richard Morton and Terrence Taylor in an office setting).
  • The Black Scorpion's stage for magic tricks to do for yourself at home.
  • Tuesday Night Titans with Lord Alfred on the couch.
  • The Stephanie Wyand Dream House with WWF Superfans.
  • "The Big Show's Dad's Funeral" (with casket).
  • No Holds Barred (numerous scenes in the series).
  • Bobby Heenan with the Rosati sisters and Jameson with his pillow.
  • A giant Miss Elizabeth head (before he forgets about them).
Ultimately Blade would go with the Fuji Vice with Seahawk. RD goes with Primetime Wrestling with Wheel Spun by Cheatum to Make the Deal.

293 Fun House: April 12, 2020

Squeal Like A Pig, Allen!
93 minutes

Blade's audio setup returns him to Smooth Jazz. RD's audio setup returns him to Jeff Foxworthy.

Blade threatens to talk about wrestling before he coughs into the microphone. RD thinks Tam's release and the global pandemic are related.

Blade bought some custom made coasters from RD. He has also made some WC related ones with the help of his wife.

Bitey is taking a break from soundbiting Fantasy Booking Island and using a HulkTrolla the other day. (:10)

RD's tournament is down to the Final between Katie Vick and David Arquette. (:12) RD was surprised by Judy Bagwell's path all the way to the Conference Finals including Giant Gonzales, but even she could not stop runaway Katie who was up in the 90s and a...69 to the Gooker (who was also up in the 90s). Beaver Cleavage also got high due to weak competition. Meanwhile Arquette went beyond the Shockmaster (and No Way Outback Jack). The Yeti had a Cinderella run defeating original worst gimmick Red Rooster. More mockery of him ensues. Meat also erected himself  beyond Al Wilson by 0.5%, Naked Mideon beat the Boogeyman, and the Black Scorpion disappeared. Blade wonders if some of their footage will appear in Arquette's upcoming documentary.

Sad News: Blade forgot to send in a predictive bracket.

Sadder News: Both vote for the first time. Katie is currently in the lead.

Saddest News: Brakus was not one of the contenders, but he was extensively and insultingly made fun of by Jim Ross and Vince Russo in Vice TV's Dark Side of the Ring series' latest episode on the Brawl For All. (:29) RD once ran away from New Jack. Blade almost stayed in a hotel room with him, but Mustafa did give him a beer once. He does his Jeff Foxworthy impression. "God bless Doc." He does his Jim Ross impression.

[To quote the induction on why he deserves such ridicule: "Well, in poor Brakus’ case, he got bested by Savio Vega. This while Jim Ross dubbed Brakus the “German Superman.” Somehow I doubt the real Superman would have become as famous as he is if he got beat up by Savio Vega."]

Young Buck Nick Jackson is a father for the third time. (:37)

Blade has sent RD so many screen caps of Fifth Horsewoman Tam. (:40) She is offering some special offer on her Snapchat or other and yet again can not handle people expectantly being people such that she thinks Ashley Massaro is still alive. Blade does his Tam impression. Krankor's laughing has woken up Bitey. "Did you ever see her porno film?"

Gary "Blue" Oransky of Facebook has today's Question because he commented first: (:47) "In these trying times how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?" he asks. Blade hasn't been on a date in a week (so he's been out of action longer then). RD is considered "essential" enough to be out and about, lucky him.

Blade's random photo was featured on his idol Godfather's Pizza social network, in the pinnacle of his life up to this point. (:50)

Since that was not a proper Question RD went back to The Board again. (:52) He had gone down a recent thread of a "tribute to women in wrestling" (was it the same one he had gone to previously?). "Sexist" Blade reads something sent by RD about "Soul Kane" lusting over Liv Morgan in the Elimination Chamber.

Also from that same Facebook thread from Brian Keith Johnson/Jackson, who was second: (:57) "What woman in wrestling today would you want to be quarantined with?" Don's daughter wouldn't be one of them for the still quarantined Blade. RD wants non-woman Orange Cassidy (like me), non-woman Chris Jericho with his bubbly, non-woman Batista for a brief minute, and Becky Lynch with her dolls. Blade wants Mickie James to sing country songs about Christmas sweaters with, non-woman Black Scorpion to practice magic tricks with, and non-sane person Tam.

"Celebrations" for Triple H's 25 years will "begin" on Smackdown in two weeks, in news that definitely needs no further comment. The Fruitcakes do so anyway, for obvious reasons. (:63)

Big Black Room WrestleMania was alright, except for Becky Lynch who only appeared in the fourth match, and Michael Cole who once again showcased his commentating mastery. (:69) The Fruitcakes worry over the hilarious gimmick matches now influencing others to make it worse by copying them (and WWE adding to things by also failing to copy themselves properly). Blade fears the Undertaker will now use such matches to continue wrestling to Ric Flair age levels. The Fun House encounter was particularly awful as a "match", reminding rambling Blade of the teleporting not-hot Dungeon of Doom, among other things.

However RD is thankful Vince did not (yet) do a match based on Deliverance.

Seventeen easily digestible syllables:
Ruthless Aggression.
Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
Aggression. Bad Shit.

$1.50 : $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right