301 Another Christmas CaRoss: December 22, 2020

"Guilty as charged!"

112 minutes

Blade does not know who Bing Crosby is.

The Fruitcakes pondered being on Cameo. Blade made an OnlyFans account with an Only Fan. RD wants him to make burping fetish content. (:05)

Blade was on this very site before recording to check on mentions of his Big Announcement. RD rightfully responds with crickets. (:12)

Blade has a "network of fans" informing him that Christmas Monster cereals are on sale. (:14) RD finally went to Cincinnati to (safely) see the in-laws. On the way back he went to the United Dairy Farmers to try their seasonal pumpkin pie ice cream with crust and whipped cream. He presently tries out Homemade's Santa's Cookies ice cream with sugar cookie chunks and red and green icing. He enjoys it immediately and immensely, putting it as one of his top 5. Blade has trouble hearing. Again.

Jim calls. (:23) He is once again making holiday beats, not BEETS, although maybe they would go well with BBQ sauce. Things go as expected.

Mattel is finally giving Chyna her first action figure. (:30) RD is confused on why they're doing so now, some years after her final HOF induction and many years more after her passing. I'm confused why they're pairing her in some offers with Triple H, and all the confusion that entails in today's world. 

Blade has his own confusion. "They'll put like, a body part -" What he means in his nonsensical way is that some figures have separate extra parts to configure the model like open or closed hand grips or accessories. (For example one time RD sent Blade a James T. Kirk figure with four extra hands for long winded speeches.)  For some reason Chyna comes with Paul Ellering's eyes ventriloquist dummy Rocco. Blade wishes Demolition had their own hand puppet in that feud. RD makes a bawdy joke for once.

RD chatted amicably with good friend Vince Russo the other day. (:38) He also has his first officially licensed action figure. Blade wants to buy an autographed one from his site.

WWE is selling Hogan, Warrior, and Savage hair gel, since they are of course known for the quality of their hair. Are they expecting Ed Leslie to shill them on their behalf?

Piper returns to gush lovingly about Santa. (:44)

Trish Stratus will appear on the GAW video podcast hosted by Mickie James, Victoria, and SoCal Val.

Tam spent her birthday in jail. (:47) Sad News: Someone provided Blade her prison address for some reason. Sadder News: she now has only 8 Only Fans. RD: "We have more listeners than she has fans." Saddest News: Marty Jannety was asking for help to contact "Lady Sunny AKA Sunny". Either he's once again extremely drunk to not know of her state, or he wants advice on how to survive prison.

RD reprinted a whole bunch of bumper stickers to sell on Mike Check's behalf. (:54) He was once in Orem, Utah's 105.3 CUTE "The Ute". He was Oscar "The Big O" Johnson, and together with Danny "Fucking" Kaye they did O-Kaye in the Morning. He plays John Pine's Christmas in Prison as Marty's long distance request for Tam.  

Piper reminds you to put them gifts under that tree.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:61) He continues to ramble sing.

Blade reuses the People's Court theme (AKA The Big One) for their own forum: the Crapper's Court, revisiting old inductions to see if they are still worthy to remain. (:66) Eli Iffert, second on Facebook, brings forth Double J. Blade rambles on for a minute about crossover potential before RD shuts him up by reminding him that such a way did not exist in the 90s. Verdict: Guilty.

Chad Ecto Young, fifth on Facebook (:72): What is RD's favorite Outback Jack memory? It would be when he drank beer with a cow.

What are some action figures yet to be made that the two would want? RD wants Big Josh with bear, Phantasio, and the Ding Dongs. Blade has his Black Scorpion, Midajah and Shakira, and Mr. X. He's still confused by why original Haku did not come with crown and outfit as illustrated.

Jim is called back for some reason. (:85) He continues to have fun by himself. The two make fun of him and thus themselves for not calling up his employees as musical back-ups.

SPEAKING OF things to make fun of, USA is unhappy with WWE's recent rock bottom ratings and how they're being beaten by old reruns, let alone AEW. (:90) The two mock WWE's excuses short of them blaming the seasonal weather. RD would prefer to talk about old games. I don't blame him. He laughs at Blade's Eastern European accent. I don't blame him either.

Piper will always ensure Santy Claus remains as long as he's around.

Due to the rushed schedule and I being unable to send my own in time, RD did not get much gifts in this accursed year. (:96) Jordan did however manage to send him some Herr's chips, some 1989 WWF cards, and some 1991 NFL cards. 

Blade guesses most of them correctly thanks to his Tecmo Bowling experience. RD, damning with faint praise: "That is the most impressive display of intelligence you've ever shown."

The two also got a Hornswoggle Cameo taking them to task for not yet being on the show despite his interest from over 18 months ago. I concur.

Blade hasn't received Jordan's gifts via RD yet. He did receive RD's shirt of Mickie James as Elektra. In return Blade sent him a Tam Rubik's Cube. I hope he sent one to her prison address. She may need something to while away the time; I don't think the folks would help let alone approve her to make erotic content in her cell.

Here we go:
Worst ratings ever.
Network wants adult content.
Vince's ass comeback.

RD: "Thank you for the gift."
Piper: "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING!!!"


$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Christmas
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Patreon, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow
  • URLs not taken: 2. PlasticWithBigJoshOnIt.com, PaulElleringsTorso.com
  • SPEAKING OFs: 5. Losing your toe in a diabetic accident, things that are horrible that have been drug out of the mothballs, levels, magicians, Christmas. 
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Jim, Mike Check, Jim (2), Jim (3)
  
  • Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
  • Blade Time Outs:  12 (2 Real Quick)
  • RD Time Outs:  5 (2 Real Quick)
  • Blade Burps:  1
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  0
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  4
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Debut: Crapper's Court
    • Case brought by: Eli Iffert
    • Case #001: Crappers v. "Double J" Jeff Jarrett
    • Verdict: Still guilty, induction stands
 
  • Question of the Week from: Chad “Ecto” Young
    • What is R.D.’s favorite Outback Jack memory? Early 1987 intro vignette. 

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What 3 wrestling figures would you want Santa to put under your tree for Christmas that were never made?
    • RD:  Big Josh, Phantasio, Ding Dongs Tag Team set (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Mr. X, Scott Steiners Freaks Duo, The Black Scorpion 
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: WWE needs to fix their lowest ratings yet:
    Worst ratings ever.
    Network wants adult content.
    Vince's ass comeback.

Episode 55: Chapter 17: The Podcast: December 22, 2020

 32 minutes

The Fruitcakes finally listen to me for once and decide to discuss The Mandalorian. I have in fact spoken!

Spoilers abound obviously. Don't say I didn't warn you!




Blade finally decided to listen to reason and watched the whole two seasons so he could catch up with RD, and surprised the two by rediscovering his dormant love of the franchise with it, last seen 15 years ago with Revenge of the Sith. 

While RD liked the show as a whole, he thought every episode was a "video game cut-scene" as Mando and Baby Yoda are sent here and there on fetch quests, which Blade agrees on. Even the inexplicably returned Boba Fett, who was separated from his armor somehow in a sarlacc, found the ability to fully clean and repair it once reunited to look like a cosplayer in the middle of their rescue operation. Blade also agrees. 

RD does like Carl Weathers appearing (and directing) in the show. Blade also agrees. He also likes Michael Biehn appearing in the show. Unfortunately neither likes Sasha Banks appearing in the show. Most wrestlers appearing outside the business do that to Blade though (with the exception of Dwayne Johnson and Dave Bautista since Drax). RD does not personally dislike her, but watching her mishandled in WWE has colored his watching.

RD was hooked ever since the pilot with Mando's bounty mentioning missing Life Day. Blade was hooked with an Ewok movie reference.

Anyway, the season finale with Video Game Luke Skywalker fighting through Iron Man Dark Troopers seemed cartoonish to RD, although he did like it overall. Blade wonders when stormtroopers will finally shoot straight, but he too liked Luke's appearance and his taking over of Baby Yoda, and the post-credits return to Tatooine. RD laughs as his Eastern European prospector accent.

Blade is adamant the sequel trilogy will be Force Retconned by Ahsoka Tano. One has to wait and see.

300 The Cameotaker: November 29, 2020

Coming soon to NBC: "Young Rock".
This is the Dwayne.
97 minutes

Blade plays to the ever present crickets on a metaphorical bean bag. RD is unsure whether people saying the show hasn't changed in 10 years is a good thing or not.

Blade reminds RD that Lord Alfred's daughter once contacted him on MySpace many vernal equinoxes ago. (:05) 

The Fruitcakes spend too much time on that poor guy who gets off on Blade's burping. (:09) Blade confused one of his dates by going off to fight a toilet paper mummy. "I want to be as professional as I can." (:13)

RD was sent an odorous UnderTrolla for Thanksmas. (:15) "Turning" it on plays a car turning sound effect followed by a Undertaker Cameo (A bargain at half the price for the low low cost of only $1000! Just ask Bryan Alvarez's Granny). As expected Blade laughs over it.

:19 No global pandemic is getting in the way of RD doing his Black Friday shopping on behalf of the site (and his wife who remained at home). While on the road he saw someone had run their car into a CVS. At Target he saw a woman wearing a hoodie instead of pants buying pants for her son. But at least she was wearing a mask. At Wal-Mart to buy some shirts for charity donation, a redneck "older woman" required help to find some "hey ma, look at this" underwear for her son. And at the Chick-fil-A drive-through for a chicken biscuit, two guys fought over chicken nuggets.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:35) Blade loudly lies down coughing in response.

Billy Graham has some words congratulating Kurt Angle's (moveset) return to steroids. (:40) Sadly "Stan" is too busy for Blade to pick up the voice modifier to portray him once more so he is forced to read it normally.

Among the balloons at this year's Macy's Thanksgiving Parade was a promotional CGI one of 90's Meme "Young" Rock. (:48) Blade wants a "Baby" Rock carried around by "Dwayne Johnson" Rock or "Father" Rock(y) Johnson. RD summons Popeye to disrupt him. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:53)

A Halloween Havoc '99 balloon was selling for $2500. Someone once told Blade WCW's last logo looked like "bird poop".

Trish Stratus will cameo as a "professional" lumberjack in a Hallmark Christmas movie. One wonders what she will be wearing. (:57)

Outback Jack is to do an autograph signing. That's the joke. (:60) 

He's also been doing podcasts. That's also the joke.

Candace Michelle received random "Japanese porn" scored by Titanic music. (:62) RD resummons Popeye for some reason. ああギュグギュクギュグギュク。

The Bushwhackers are autograph touring next year. That's also also the joke. 

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:65)

Tam has spent 300 days in jail. 

RD: "How is that news?"

Tony Christ of Facebook: "Why did it take so long?" RD: "There's your answer. Done." (:68)

Blade laughs himself into coughing.

The Fruitcakes have some more favorite moments. RD has Blade coughing himself into Burgess Meredith, Mike Check doing the Star Wars Convention market, and putting the Co-Hosss Contest out of its misery. Blade has The Bob & Weave Morning Drive, beating your meat in front of Victoria and Gillman, and Co-Hosssing as Sir Alec

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:82) He thinks this one was for Ken Patera, who's also autograph signing. Does he sign boulders?

RD admits the Trolla Corporation may not in fact be delivering top quality products. You don't say.

Blade has yet to watch The Mandalorian, one episode guest starring Sasha Banks as another Mandalorian. He prefers to be in Vince's demographic and talk about his mask in Clerks 2 with Rosario Dawson guest starring in another episode. RD: "Did you throw your back out trying to make that connection?"

Some AEW folks will do a table read of A Christmas Story as part of annual TBS tradition, with Jim Ross narrating. He calls in to complain, sounding more hoarse than usual due to Blade's coughing fits. (:90) Then Blade laughs too much, giving RD an opportunity to quickly end things before Jim can tell him to go fuck himself.

RD plays another Undertaker Cameo after loudly tapping his fingers. (:93)

Seventeen Syllables right here on the fly sure to be good:
The Undertaker.
You know what will rest in peace?
Some moron's wallet.

RD: "I thought you were gonna say "One thousand dollars.""
Blade: "Well, if I had more time to prepare."

$33.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Thanksgiving/Black Friday
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmellow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Sleazy, things referencing things referencing other things.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Popeye, Popeye (2), Jim
 
  • Mama’s Dishes Broken:  1
  • Blade Time Outs:  10 (4 rapid fire)
  • RD Time Outs:  1
  • Blade Burps:  2
  • Cricket Chirps:  1
  • Krankor Laughs:  2
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
  • Robot Reindeer Laughs:  0
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  0
 
  • Question of the Week from: Tony Christ
    • WrestleCrap Radio 300.  What took so long? There's your answer. Done.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Moments in WCR history?
    • RD:  Penguin Episode, Mike Check goes to the Star Wars convention, the 2007 WrestleCrap Radio Co-Host Contest (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  April Fools Day WTKO Bob N’ Weave Morning Drive May 1977, Victoria’s launch party for her car company, RD lost his marbles over Gilliam, the draft where Sir Alec was co-host (non-sequentially, first time)
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Undertaker cashing in fools’ money:
    The Undertaker.
    You know what will rest in peace?
    Some moron's wallet.

 

Episode 54: The 1990 Gooker Award Winner: November 29, 2020

24 minutes

Rather than talk more about the Undertaker, RD listens to Blade (for once) and talks about the Gobbledly Gooker instead who first hatched from Vince's mind 30 years ago. 

Blade fondly remembers the egg competing with his Black Scorpion. RD always found the egg ludicrous, even if Ric Flair had hatched from it. Blade thinks he should have done so with an alligator gimmick. (Besides, wasn't that Scott Hall?) But it was Hector Guerrero instead, and Blade wished he went feral and attacked Mean Gene with a crossface chicken wing. (:09) Blade kept the original bootleg recording which kept in the booing while commentating Piper and Gorilla Monsoon tried to salvage things.

RD admires their attempt to badly make a mascot ala the San Diego Chicken. (:13) Blade compares him poorly to WCW's Wildcat Willie. RD uses TNA's Stomper. They wonder when AEW will get one. At least he's not the Indianapolis Colts' Blue who charges $200 for home appearances and fumbles harder than [insert quarterback here].

The Gooker was refrigerated for 11 years before his outfit was redesigned. Maryse once portrayed him and cracked an eyeball. (:18) RD had his wife to fix it when they were loaned it (and Jordan was forced to wear it alongside RD, poor guy).

Blade still wonders where the kaiju-sized mother Gooker would be. (:21) As expected he missed his chance to make a movie with the outfit, most likely involving Don Mason in some capacity or other.

299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!
85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"


$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)


Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.
 
  • Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.
  

  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
    • Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
    • RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
    • Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
    It's the Halloween show.
    That was some bad tasting jerky.
    Go fu**ck yourself RD!