Minisode #152 Never Make Promises

by iggy

July 31, 2009

Gymini update
RAW guest hosts
Jonny Fairplay went to the Cantaloupe Festival.
Freddy may host RAW
Obscure Wrestling Action Figures
John Thomas is looking for Mike Chalk.

#so outdated #soundboard

152 Seguepalooza: July 31, 2009

81 minutes

10% of all proceeds
go to Lucasfilm.
We continue the mockery of ZZ Top at RAW last week. RD wants Vince to sign the Crickets to his shows. He also wants to resurrect old segments. Sadly Fantasy Booking Island is not one of them.

Blade hints at a new segment with the help of The Twilight Zone. (:05) There is no show next week, as RD will be at lovely Phoenix, Arizona. Blade mentions a Loverboy song that RD doesn't know about. Time to hit YouTube for that. See Mike Reno and Beth Phoenix star in Donkey Kong: The Movie! (:06) The video prematurely ejaculates, and so does Blade in response. RD reads new Angry Marks' ad copy, "now 125% more angry".

RD finally has a Celebrity to go with him to the Grocery (:16) This week it's WCR friend Jonny Fairplay. He goes to Trader Joe's, where his cereal of choice is Cookie Crisp. He was at some cantaloupe festival recently, but didn't get along with John Cena oddly. Some discussion about Cena ensues. Mr. Fairplay can be found here.
For some reason we wonder about any potential Referees' TRIP to the Grocery (:32) of which we have some random tales of referees.

:36 Obscure News. Could Robert Englund be a potential RAW Guest Host? RD is surprised that Freddy Krueger will be played by Rorschach in the upcoming movie. Gymini doll sales figures - 4 sets left from three weeks ago. Another long Blade Braxton segue.

Eric Bischoff attempts to help the economy by suggesting taxing fat people. No, I have no idea why no one is taking him seriously. (:44) IS taken. Blade did his own taxing in his earlier days in yet another long segue.

There's a new Shockmaster action figure, and it comes with Stormtrooper helmet as illustrated. (:48) Blade does his Nathaniel impression. Blade takes note of the Mr Fuji figure with running number. The BabyTrolla cries, (:55) Francine gives birth. (Congratulations to her.)

List of TNA correspondents
PB's List (Exclamation Point) of favorite TNA "correspondents"
:57 The Question of the Week comes from Frank in Cleveland, asking about TNA Correspondents. The Co-Fruitcakes take a look over the list on our site, going over their people for a bit. Blade has a Big Announcement: (:60) He's found a new TNA Correspondent and he promises to have him on next time. Oh, and Tracy Brooks poses for Playboy. (:62)

John Thomas calls in (:63) He is now looking for a Mike Chalk, of Chalk Outline.

:68 Current Wrestling News now has the Coliseum Video music. THE Brian Kendrick has been released. The new induction this week is of Gooker Nominee Braden Walker. A final settlement has been reached on the messy Hogan divorce, leaving Linda free for Blade. He reminds us how his hooker roommate used to lactate for money. He also tries comparing the Big Show's penis size to Shaq's on RAW and discusses Vince trying to anally rape Triple H on his birthday.

Seventeen Syllables:
Hunter is fourty.
Eat some cake and play pin the
Tail on the dead dog.

RD: "I have no earthly idea what you're talking about."

Minisode #151 The Angles

by iggy

July 24, 2009

WWCR bumper stickers
Goodbye Walter Cronkite
A Don Mason blow-up story
The Podium
Putting lyrics to WWF music
Stubby talks about the Angles
Angry Jim talks about Karen Angle

#can't use it #walking slowly

151 Total Non-Stop Awfulness: July 24, 2009

82 minutes

Sad News - the passing of Walter Cronkite, killed by RD and Blade. RD still thinks he'll be met by Mike Check in heaven, if he is actually dead of course. (Again.)

Blade wants an archive of every person mentioned on the show, preferably by a cripple. (He does mention us though as non-cripples.) Like myself he's unable to sleep well, being at a Poison/Def Leppard concert the other night where he was fistbumping people in a "Fat Section". They talk a bit about the bands. They shouldn't talk too loudly, do they want to curse them too? Blade thinks Global Internet's Greg is randy for RD. (:10) RD wants to make amends with for forgetting them last week since they didn't call in. He reads their ad copy as Redd Foxx.

Blade had to find someone for the Celebrity TRIP (:14) but couldn't for this week. RD wants Missy Hyatt on to debate the earlier Zombie. So no Trip this week. The Midnight Rose is returning to WWE TV ... (:17) but sadly not to a grocery store.

RD is unsure about Sir Alec reading another story this week, particularly if it is about the Co-Fruitcakes again. (:18) Of course as Blade isn't feeling so good he can't 'attend'. His adoring audience still cheers for him regardless. RD thinks of him as the Pale Horse just staring in at the window. RD takes the opportunity to investigate Alec's involvement with Mike Check, as well as matters of continuity on the radio progrem. Perhaps his criminal past brings more to the eye of the 'Englishman'... Even worse, Blade still doesn't have his WWCR Bumper Sticker. Oh, the horror. RD got one though, confusing his mother. Blade thinks of her as an obscure He-Man villain.

RD feels the Faxtrolla needs maintenance. (:27) WWE is still attempting to get Bill Watts' Midsouth Library, owned by wife Ene "Ma" Watts, who will only provide it on condition that Eric Watts gets a job. The Co-Fruitcakes discuss all the stuff Vince does not currently own. RD wants him to purchase the promotion he worked for; PWI. It leads to a random song that Mike Check would play, and Don Mason's first experience with a blow-up doll. (:35) "Longest segue ever." Chief Jay Strongbow seals the deal (:39) "good for a five second nonsensical appearance."

In other equally exciting news the Deever had a tooth removed. (:40) The pain makes her spell badly on Twitter which confuses RD. He tries deciphering what she says. Porn person Trina Michaels is joining TNA. (:44) Blade wants Christie Canyon to come on the show and 'shop' with him. (Is that the euphemism in vogue these days?)

Today's Question (:47) is from Frank In New York (not LA), the former Circuit City Questioner. (2) He still wants to apply to be on the show. In response to that the two watch what may very well be the worst match in TNA history (which is definitely saying much, especially with it being IN A PPV NO LESS) between Sharmell and Jenna Morasca. (:52) Still, if trying to run ropes in drunken circles while slapping her opponent is too much for the former reality show 'contestant' she can always star in bad movies with Kurt Angle.

With Current Wrestling News at :62 RD and Blade discuss the terrible RAW show earlier. At least there's that famous Podium they seem to love. Maryse continues to grow on RD.

Ezekiel Jackson's new theme is the old Brawl For All one with lyrics (:68) so Blade sings a new theme for Randy Orton with the old Summerslam theme. "WAL-KING SLOW-LY! TO! THE! RING!" he tries. RD also plays the old Coliseum Video theme, which sounds like far better Current Wrestling News music than the one we have now.

The Co-Fruitcakes don't have much to say that's already been said on the terrible and actual love triangle between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt and Karen Angle that's providing far more drama than anything that TNA is currently providing. (Kurt's probably out of the way trying to continue his 'acting' career.) (:71) So Stubby calls in. Not to be outdone Jim Ross calls in after. (:75) Karen Angle reminds him of Dark Journey, both prospect consumers that could try his various meats, like his signature smoked lamb.

Send this one home with Seventeen Syllables:
Jeff's banging Karen.
Why or why did she leave Kurt?
Must be Jeff's gold tooth.

Minisode #150 Well Wishers

by iggy

July 17, 2009

A fresh intro
RAW is ZZ Top
Global Internet ad
Sir Alec
Gay Popeye
Dixie Carter
Peter Gazer
Angry Jim

#pocket full of quarters #bobblehead

150 The Call-In: July 17, 2009

80 minutes

click here for a loverly message of congratulatons!RD plays random ZZ Top songs for them being on RAW next week. Blade wants Vince to listen to the Human League. RD prefers Asia. They then discuss some more random time-wasters. Like this show? Blade thinks the show is a good middle finger to any person who likes good taste, i.e. everybody else. RD thinks the show has 1800 listeners, give or take a few thousand.

The phone rings as Global Internet's Greg finally makes good on his desire to call in to set these two fools straight. (:12) He disclaims a few things, including all those sexual allegations and the fact that he doesn't wear a yellow jumpsuit like Gilbert Lowell. Blade still thinks their sites can give you good chances with strippers though.

RD has an idea for the TRIP by taking a celebrity with him every week on the air. (:17) His first guest for this week is the Zombie. Yes, the former ECW wrestler, finally appearing on this show after that no-go with their first interview many years before. He still uses an old Walkman with Whitesnake tapes and thinks Missy Hyatt is working at the grocery late at night giving him dirty looks. Blade unintentionally insults him by asking about Doritos. No cereal for him though. He can also be found here and here.

The phone rings again for BM Punk. (:31) He gives his usual spiel. RD thinks of him as their 'first' repeat guest (I thought it was John Thomas), but he has 'better' distractions than him though.

Like THIS man, Sir Alec. (:34) He's still evasive about Mike Check, knowing the true story that he faked his own death to work on another radio station. Today's story is about...RD and Blade? The Co-Fruitcakes manage to shut him down but can't stop his usual cheering audience. In response an interested Gay Popeye calls in. His call, summarized: Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk! (:42)

Jim Ross calls in, as jovial as ever. (:44) He still likes ZZ Top. That's all the Obscure News we'll get too, shoved up our fucking asses.

Today's Question. (:50) RD still pronounces Ed Salo's name wrong. (4) He also reads his question wrong, which is about the WCR Curse. Blade remembers referencing Michael Jackson a few weeks before. And at risk Joyce DeWitt has a scary mugshot. RD: "What a mess this show has been!"

In response to talking about TNA reporting, RD's Dixie Carter impression calls in and makes a randy Blade laugh hysterically. Sugar. (:56) He needs to work on her Nathaniel-style laughter though.

In response to THAT Peter Gazer and his fancy music call in. (:61) He didn't 'kill' Mike Check either, although he's happy to see him gone. It's also happy for his birthday on the day as he takes a shot on the air (as far as we know). His drunkenness eclipses even Blade, the man notes, most possibly preparing for his own next drunken attempt. An again interested Gay Popeye tries calling in again. (:69) His call, summarized: Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk!

Why can't more women look like this?
No snark this time, this is a serious wondering.
(For once.)
Thankfully that nonsense is brought out of the way by Stubby calling in (or pretending to call, he is a ventriloquist dummy after all). (:72) He spends his time making fun of Mrs Deal. He's also inherited Blade's love of Mickie James, this week in some sort of Raquel Welch-cavewoman bikini. I'm glad he didn't call his penis a mammoth tusk.

RD: "I like how there's been nothing on this show. It's kind of the epiphany of the last 150 shows all rolled into one big pile of nonsense."

Seventeen Syllables of Goodness:
Hundred-fifty shows.
Thousand-fifty references
to Mickie James' ass.


* whenever it happens

RD, Blade, we love you guys.

To honor you on the occasion of your 150th radio progrem, we have put together this small tribute.

We asked our fellow crappers to share their favorite memories of WrestleCrap Radio.

Boy were we were surprised when they did!

This was the best one:

Don Mason and his dad finding a guy banging a horse.

More specifically,

My absolute favorite Wrestlecrap moment was the Horsetrolla segment from show 118. In the midst of horse-related news, Blade abruptly throws a question at RD, asking if he'd ever told the story about Don Mason and his grandfather walking in on some guy smurfing a horse.

What followed was approximately three seconds of dead air, followed by a smash cut to the show's ending theme. But the show did not end, and RD very quickly segued to the next segment before Blade could finish his story.

As the audacious question caught me completely off my guard, I soon found myself in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I had to stop the progrem for several minutes while I regained my composure.

Blade nearly killed me on that one.
--TV's Mr. Neil

The rest fit nicely into several categories:
  • Blade's Humiliations
  • RD's Trip to the Grocery
  • Guest Callers
  • The Time I Part of the Show
  • The Drafts
  • Other
  • Miscellaneous
  • Odds & Ends
  • More Other

Our sincere thanks goes out to the crappers for their immediate and cordial responses.

Blade's Humiliations

My favorite moment has to be the show where Blade lost the Lions-Colts bet and had to say anything crappers sent in. Messages like "Don't be bashful, have a sandwich" "It's not my fault I cry during sex. It's just that I'm so darn inadequate" and "Some of the Colts players have nice butts" resulted in a laugh out loud riot.

"I have something to say!!!!!!"
--Forgotten Sin

Blade's story about how he trashbagged it in a house that he was working on, which ends up with someone saw him do it.

Another classic moment for me was Blade told us a story about he and one of his many girlfriends did it in the Katie Vick costume.
--The Monarch

I know I'll never forget Blade's stories of trashbagging it. I particularly liked his stories about being pulled over by the Police with a bag of crap in his trunk. I also remember him being pulled over by customs in Canada. But I forgot what it was that he was so embarrassed about them finding.

RD's Trip to the Grocery

It's funnier when he gets something British or European that I take for granted and it seems alien to him.

Guest Callers

My favourite WCR moment was when Brother Midnight, just for a short while, made Angry Jim Ross happy. Sadly it didn't last past the end of the show, but the exchange was pure gold.

This past episode was probably in the top 3 funniest due to Angry JR rant on Colonel Harland Sanders, and dropping a Mikhail Gorbachev reference. And John Thomas shows up again.
--Well, You're Wrong

I got back off holiday yesterday and came home to a real treat. the inane referrences were real classics, especially JRs one, probably the funniest moment bar RDs "his legs don't work" comment.

One of my favourite moments is when Angry Jim Ross made his debut. Blade sounded nothing like JR, but I can see what Blade was doing with this. He was doing a parody of JR's Heel promos. People can talk about how Blade doesn't sound like JR or it isn't his personality, but we don't care, because it's funny. Some of the characters on WCR were nearly all stale, until Angry JR came along. It's great to hear him nearly everyweek.

The debut of Sir Alec Heineken was so funny, I nearly had to pull over my truck because I was laughing so hard at the erotic adventures of Triple H and HBK.

A bit of self indulgence for me: when RD took my quote about Blade sounding like a "bill dodging drunken hobo", thus spawning HoboMania with Blade.

The many interviews, particularly Russo, have to be mentioned as great memories, and I can go back and listen to them now and still enjoy them immensely.

Two funny little stories that have stuck in my mind are Rafiki and his bananas at Disney World and Blade's encounter with Skeletor. If ever a WrestleCrap Radio Carnival were to set up both acts would have to be booked instantly.

I also highly enjoyed the Co-Host contest period- whether the entrants were good or not it was fun stuff. Some of the most brilliantly random tasks possible.

The running gags, former running gags, endless Trollas and TNA Correspondent duels, and the colourful recurring characters are why WCR is the only wrestling podcast I listen to. If I wanted plain ol news and srs biznuz chat I'd stick to a forum. The wacky and at times not-remotely wrestling based nature of WCR is just plain entertaining.
--Tea and Crumpets

The Time I Was Part of the Show

My best memory is my tryout for the co-host contest. It was an odd experience because I never talked to either of them before, yet for me at least it was like talking to people I knew for years. Improv seemed natural.

RD asked if they could go through the show and make fun of my Snitsky Foot Fetish comment, I told pretty much said that I'd be more offended if they didn't.
--Paul Servo

Well there was the debut of Johnny 6, debut of John Thomas, Blade trashing Ashley with his "500 miles" song, Deal leaving the show which caused Blade & Trash to take over, debut of Blade "Hitting The Bottle", the spectacular bomb of "Fantasy Booking Island".

But what's more special is the three or so times they read my "Questions Of The Week".
--Raging Demons

My own personal memory would be that within a week of starting to listen to this show, they were answering my questions for the mailbag/qestion of the week.

A second would have to be listening to the two of them in the "Blade Says" episode where they debated who should be in the HOF and who shouldn't be.
--Ultimate Kennedy

The Drafts

It was an episode from about a year ago, it featured the following:

Zookeeper Scott Hall
Charlie Minn....found!
The Awesomeness that is Two of Hearts by Stacey J
The Indiana Jones Adventure Spoon.
The First mention of Terri Runnels' Scam.

Honorable Mention will go to the DraftTrolla episode of this year. Of course, Gay Popeye automatically equals win.
--Logan H

The Draft is my fav...
--Red Lobster Coven

I always liked the non canon episodes, especially this years draft special with Gay Popeye's trip to the grocery. I also enjoyed the Christmas episode where 'crappers sent in their carols. You can tell R.D. and Blade have a blast with those ones as you can hear them almost lose it themselves.

A personal favourite of mine is Paul Ellering's "cornmeal frosties", I think that was the debut of the sad news music too.

Honourable mention has to go to the episode where they exchange Dodge Omni/Plymoth Horizon stories involving RD having to circle a parking lot to get up enough power to negotiate a hill and Don Mason not putting Blade's car in park while filming their movie resulting in it rolling down the neighbourhood.

Good times.

This year's draft was great, but my all-time favourite was the one where Shane McMahon was on the loose.
--Templeton Peck

The draft episode, good times.

I'm still saddened by the loss of Mike Check.
--Beep Boop

Here are some moments of note from a particular Angry Mark (.com)...

I have so many fond memories of WrestleCrap Radio, it's hard to name them all, but if I had to pick a few...

* Earthquake! Such a gentle giant, such a tremendous man, so sorely missed. That's about where I started.
* The FABULOUS Vince Russo interview.
* The Horse-Trolla debuted.
* WCR described Mickie James as CENTAURLICIOUS.
* Stubby went up in a fiery blaze.
* Getting all of WrestleCrap's (more than) 12 listeners to sing Jingle Bells.
* Angry J.R. made his angry debut (never a more fitting reason for AngryMarks to be a sponsor).
* The day RD played my HOORAY FOR KHALI CLAUS drop on the show.
* Peter Gazer, TNA correspondent.
* The Black Friday where RD was scared for his life as hillbillies opened palettes with bowie knives.
* BLOW ME.................................. DOWN! (RD can say what he likes, Gay Popeye is *****.)
* Every 17 syllables from Blade. They renewed my love of the haiku (I won a poetry contest in 4th grade writing haiku).

There are so many more, but that's a good list for now.
--Stevie J

And now, a special message from the show's other Freebird...

Hehehee, "show's other Freebird". I like that. I think I'm the Big Daddy Dink of the show, LOL.

Let's see favorite moments.....

1) Early on in 2006, just after I first discovered this site, I was up late at night laughing my head off 'til I couldn't breathe because of the 2nd Wrestlecrap Radio wherein Blade talked about Kurt Angle treating the Hulkster with such care in the ring, he'd tuck him into bed and give him some "Mommy's milk", which resulted in The Real Deal losing it completely and I soon followed suit. From that point on, I was hooked on the website.

2) Lance Storm's candid and humorous interview with RD and Blade. The fact the WWF/E could completely ignore him and give him stupid gimmicks that he himself tried to make work is a true testament to Lance's professionalism and the WWE's lazy stupidity.

3) VINNY RU on WRESTLECRAP RADIO!!! What a coup that was. Now if only he could get Bryan Alvarez and Vinny Verhei, we'd be in business.

4) The Co-Host Competition. I really didn't think it'd go past stage 1 so I figured I'd call in, have some fun talking to the guys and that'd be it. Boy, was *I* an idiot. :) But it did lead to my induction writing position that I'm proud of and I have RD and Blade to thank for that.

5) RD and Blade interviewing John Tenta. What a nice, funny guy. I particularly enjoyed his remark about sharing (almost typed "sharking", lol) a subtle camaraderie with the 1% of fans that wanted to see Earthquake, the big bad heel, beat the crap outta the Hulkster.

6) The WCR after the 1st "ECW" show on Sci-Fi. The Zombie audio clips were making me cry with laughter.

Those are the big moments that stood out for me personally.
--Triple Kelly

And finally...

WrestleCrap Radio is the only wrestling podcast that I listen to. As a matter of fact, right now it's the only podcast I listen to. Why, you ask? Surely there's better podcasts out there?

Maybe, but you are probably only asking that in that self-depreciating humour that the show is famous for.

The fact is that WrestleCrap Radio has that "anything can happen" aura about it that just can't be beat. You never know what obscure 70's TV show is going to be referenced, what wacky, yet dirty stories are going to be told, or whether they just happen to actually talk about wrestling this week.

My favourite WCR moment of all time has to be the classic "Mommy's Milk". What was an innocent discussion about the upcoming Hogan/Michaels match at SummerSlam 2005 suddenly took a sharp left into Wrongtown thanks to Blade. This, combined with RD's reaction, had me holding onto my sides like a vicegrip to keep them from splitting.

In conclusion, WrestleCrap Radio is more or less the fuel that keeps me running at peak excellence. The signature doesn't lie, the new show each Friday is one of the highlights of my week. The show is the 1 hour a week where I can get away from the drudgery of looking for a full-time job to have a cheap laugh over two guys prattling on about things that may or may not be wrestling.

And for that, I say thank you.
--Excellence of Execution

Here's to 150 more,

Premier Blah, Iggy, and the Crappers