Episode 42: Holy Transistor's Bill!: May 29, 2022

The Minstrel's Shakedown
"A musical and electronics oriented new villain threatens the Gotham Exchange for ransom."
65 minutes

"RD: Asleep via Minstrel" as seen by the sleeping mask on his head since the episode put him to sleep. He considers it the most boring episode he's ever seen, even more than recent Raws. Vince thinks the opposite, much to RD's "shenanigans". 

Narrator: "BUT WHAT'S THIS? The [Gotham] stock market has gone completely crazy!" 

Gordon watching the news on this in his office is interrupted by static from the villain of the week. Sings he: "A helpful minstrel I, when I see folks in trouble / Then I come on the double, with counsel both soothing and wise / With counsel both soothing and wise." Oh, so he's actually an attorney. Is Harvey Dent hiring?

Bruce and his colleagues are also watching the news in Stately Wayne Manor. Braless Aunt Harriet is of course attracted to his being "so gentlemanly" and "thoughtful" and a "strapping youngster" despite his being 50 years old at the time of shooting.

The Minstrel offers "immunity from the repetition of today's calamity" to all 250 registered traders for the low price of $1,000 weekly (from each person). Oh, so he's actually an attorney AND a stockbroker specializing in stock options. He should just go legitimate and make far more money that way than being a villain of the week. He lists his bank account just so the writers can make a James Bond reference. (#007 in the Broccoli Bank; my guess under the account holder name of Pussy Galore.)

A sad Gordon Batphones Bruce just to know he too is aware. Cue opening credits. Wrote RD: "I hope the show picks up or I may fall asleep." He tries to trick Vince to agree with him.

Like King Tut the Minstrel was also an original creation for the show. There was another separate Minstrel from Quality Comics, but when the company was bought by DC 10 years earlier he made no further appearances. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

In Gordon's office, (:12) he wonders about this "minstrel who is also an electronic genius" like he was a robot. The Duo note it's not weird for a "musician with a twisted criminal mind". Oh, so he's actually an attorney AND a stockbroker AND a musician. He should go legitimate, make far money that way, and retire so he can spend his days touring with his rock band. (He will of course play keyboards, preferably while wearing a suit.)

As the president of the Stock Exchange arrives to discuss how the Minstrel could do what he could, West does all he can to also not fall asleep. RD shares his sentiments. Vince thinks RD has a vendetta against stocks for some reason. RD: "You could have gone with "Did you invest it all in Global Gold?" That would have been way more interesting." Batman stays awake long enough to ask to inspect the signal room.

The signal room is filled with 60s style large supercomputers and accoutrements, a harbinger of trading slowly becoming more electronic over the years. RD is reminded of Epcot's Spaceship Earth narrating how computers shrunk over the years as they grew in power, though unfortunately they couldn't do anything to help him watch this episode. 

The Duo enter the transistor room. Robin: "Holy transistor's bill! What an installation!" They pretend not to notice they are being transmitted to the Minstrel's lair. (RD managed to avoid giving the episode way too much credit.) His henchwoman Octavia has a musical note tattoo on her chest and is charmed by Batman's "warm attractive voice." Minstrel: "So what? He's still a second rate genius." He then mocks her for this for some reason with less emotion than bored and sleepy RD. 

Batman notes the tampered circuit and decides to leave it for the Minstrel to come by later to check. O'Hara wants to use his men for this and Batman takes all he can not to make fun of them too plainly. Gordon expresses his concern for the Duo's safety.
Batman: "Commissioner, after Penguin, Archer, Clock King, King Tut, Catwoman, and all our other artful adversaries, I don't think we'll have too much of a problem with this Minstrel."
RD time-outs as Clock King hasn't appeared on the show yet, but he forgets that King Tut was (much like the aforementioned villain with his brain injury making him so). Vince calls for Jeff to edit out RD's searching, most likely through this fine website you are reading right now. (:22)
RD: "You don't have to edit it out, people can know I'm an idiot."
He thinks the crew knew in filming that it would be terrible and thus added the line in to keep people awake.

At the Batcave it is dinnertime.
Batman: "I'd be fine with a peanut butter and watercress sandwich and a glass of milk."
Forget the strange food, shouldn't he eat more than that to maintain his crime-fighting strength and physique?
Alfred too agrees with me.
Batman: "It's okay, we have a few good years left."
Alfred: "The women in Gotham are swooning over him, and the men are in a state of panic, including myself."
RD wonders where his sex appeal comes from.
Alfred is in his panic not because he too is swooning, but he has invested in stocks also. Sadly Batman does not then tell him of the value of diversifying his portfolio (it's not as if he's a multimillionaire head of a corporation or anything). Instead he plans to wiretap the Minstrel's microphone. Calling Gordon again the Commissioner warns him to be careful with that "evil balladeer." 

This comes to the one thing in the episode RD likes: the Duo finding Phyllis Diller mopping the floor in the signal room whistling the Minstrel's tune, A Wand'ring Minstrel I, from The Mikado. (:31) RD likens her to a D&D style hag, reminding him of the time he once needled Mrs. Deal by calling her one. He then has to explain what work Gilbert & Sullivan wrote. (Weren't they also the very model of a modern crimefighting duo?)
Diller: "Do you always sneak up on people like that?"
Batman: "...No."
They are supposed to relieve her on scrubbing duty.
Diller: "Glad you wore your old clothes. This job is a mess!" 

After she leaves Minstrel shows up and...waves a sparkler around. This somehow temporarily blinds the Duo, allowing the villain to...mock them before just walking off.  

To save face to Gordon who comes after (but without a sparkler), Batman managed to emotionlessly delay Minstrel and obtain a microchip of a hetrodyne oscillator, i.e. a signal frequency mixer. RD: "I have no idea what that means." In turn Minstrel knows Batman is on him.

In the Batcave the Duo work on a literal Bat Drone to track Minstrel's next broadcast location. Batman: "If only to taunt me!" (:38) As expected he taunts him in the form of a broadcast song. Alfred: "The audacity of it all!" (Conscious) sources have told this reporter RD that Van Johnson probably came on the show because he and Napier were old friends who had worked together before. Thus RD feels Alfred's words are in fact putting him over. 

The Bat Drone finds the location of the transmitting warehouse and Batman asks Alfred to flick the Bat Drone Retriever Switch since he doesn't have time to do it himself before they take off in the Batmobile. Alfred stands there with a big smile on his face.

Minstrel is of course waiting for the Duo who have to climb up the building into a window.
Batman: "It's a pity Robin, that a man with such musical talents who could bring such pleasure to millions of people, should pervert that genius to criminal anti-social ends."
Robin: "Especially when he could earn a good living from just records."
RD wonders who would buy whatever stuff he is singing. RD would probably do better. BLADE would probably do better. UNDEAD BLADE would probably do better. 

(Although they would then have to have Mike Check play the records for his target demographic at KBAT Gotham 39 or something.)

Cue fight with musical instruments.
Octavia: "POW! WHAM! Look at the Dynamic Duo!"
Minstrel: "They are efficient, aren't they?"

The Duo give chase, dropping small magnets as breadcrumbs and smashing through a door.

Robin: "Holy flytrap!" 

The show doesn't display what exactly Robin is holying at, because we smash cut to them tied up on rotisserie spits in giant grills. Because minstrels are also good (medieval style) cooks...? RD thinks the writers had nothing else and were too bored to think up something so they just winged it.

Minstrel: "Batman and Robin rotate and revolve / As the heat grows, your bodies dissolve / When it's still hotter, then you will melt / Nothing left but your utility belt."
Robin: "Is this the end?"
Batman: "If it is, let's not lose our dignity."

Narrator (also bored): "Can this be true? Is the melodic fiend finally cooking the duo's goose? Check the thermometer on your radar grill! Be here tomorrow! Same hot time, same hot channel!"

Vince, being a supporter of the episode for some reason, gives it 5 (Batpoles?) but guesses there will be worse stories than this one. 

Vince remembers a future episode where Gordon actually figured out who the Duo were. RD guesses Batman would just tell Gordon he was wrong and the Commissioner would agree. 

Vince reads some of Van Johnson's profile since RD "obliviated" him. (:52) This includes reading about his and Napier's relationships. He expects an apology from RD next time for some reason. He considers today to be cerebral. RD considers today to be good for insomnia. 

Speaking of boring things, RD wrote about a boring fight between Tony Atlas and Ted Arcidi.

Vince: "I'm trying to stay up."


  • Special Guest Villain: The Minstrel (Van Johnson)

  • RD Time Outs:  1
  • Entertain The People:
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Phyllis Diller



Episode 41: Holy Taxation!: May 22, 2022

The Cat and the Fiddle
"Catwoman disguises herself as a wealthy recluse - Minerva Matthews - to exchange a quarter million dollars for two Stradivarius violins. Once the instruments are safely in her hands, the villain reveals her true identity and demands the cash back. But Catwoman is surprised to learn that her business partner - Zubin Zucchini - is also not who he appears to be."
62 minutes

"RD is Not Zubin Zucchini" but he has trouble with his cheap Reds cap, which is about as well fitting as their current season performance.

Vince has confusion with remembering the episode they are supposed to discuss.

The Narrator wrongly reminds us that "Aunt Harriett swings to the latest dance: the Catwalk!" RD thinks one of the producers was attracted to her and wanted her dancing around, and perhaps not wearing bras. Vince tries looking up photos of Madge Blake and is confused by a picture of her far younger self. RD tells him of Wikipedia declaring him dead three times. 

Mrs. Deal found the magnifying glass trap her second favorite behind the giant coffee cups. (:11) Batman's "calculus" reminds him that the solar eclipse will be in 16 minutes, so he tells Robin to move the glass a few degrees to take advantage of "the azimuthal equidistance post-position of the sun's rays". RD spent an hour trying to find the definition. They wonder how the writers got this one. My guess is they spent too much time watching Star Trek and wanted to make their own technobabble. RD also wonders if Robin can move it with his feet why he doesn't just kick the whole thing over and away from them. But it works regardless and they get out of their bindings.

Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always manage to escape the vicious ensnarements of our underhanded opponents? Don't you know why?"
Robin: "Because we're smarter than they are?"
Batman: "I prefer to believe it's because our hearts are pure." 

In the Batcave Batman wonders if Catwoman's mention of Mount Gotham is part of her plans. Robin: "Holy Alps! I'd better brush up on my geography!" It's actually the 102-story Gotham State Building, which is so tall it's promptly never heard from again in the franchise. 

Parking nearby Batman needs to put his five cents in the parking meter.
Robin: "No policeman is going to give the Batmobile a ticket!"
Batman: "No matter, Robin - this money goes to our building better roads. We all must do our part. Good citizenship, you know."
Robin: "Holy taxation!"

Unfortunately this leaves no time for the Dark Knight to accept one of the staff's offer of soft drinks. He has to rush to the penthouse that is recently rented by "eccentric millionaire Zubin Zucchini". Vince thinks they're making fun of his Italian heritage. Feel free to make your own joke on Vince Russo and offending national heritages here. (:21)

The goons are already there seeing Zucchini leave and let their boss know to "proceed with plan A". This involves Catwoman using clearly marked theatrical makeup to become Kitayna Ireyna Tatanya Kerenska Alisoff Minerva Matthews (after she requisite gasses the original woman). Vince does not know the meaning of the word 'recluse'. RD: "Kinda like the shut-ins that watch this show."

Wearing Matthew's old woman clothes Catwoman goes to the arrived armored truck, and seeing the driver is played by a young James Brolin (which RD didn't catch) she randomly checks her breasts. She reveals her plan to buy two violins from Zucchini. In turn Brolin reveals his name is "Ralph Staphylococcus. My friend calls me Ralph." I'm now saddened that he didn't further play One Friend Ralph in the DC-verse, ideally with son Josh as Thanos Jonah Hex. That would have saved the movie for sure.

On the drive she is all over Ralph and feeling him until a goon calls on her walkie-talkie that the Duo have escaped. She covers to a confused Ralph that she is playing cops and robbers with her nephew.
Ralph: "He's got a mighty deep voice for an 11 year old."
Catwoman: "He matured early."
RD is sad they made Newmar look as she did, even if disguised as an older woman. "Even she can't carry that look."

Zucchini arrives first at the building with two violin cases which RD wonders may instead contain Tommy guns. Catwoman arrives second with a bag of money with "$500,000" and "Christmas Club Money" written on it. She feels up Ralph one last time for luck, tipping him $1,000 for his trouble. Arriving at the penthouse she then meows loudly in telling her goons to wait on the ledge. 

Batman returns to the building with the Undynamic Duo (Gordon and O'Hara) to learn that "a sweet little old lady" has come in. Batman: "We'll see how sweet she is." (:30) Zucchini is to sell two Stradivarius violins to Minerva for the aforementioned $500,000, and the penthouse is apparently the only place in the city to safely inspect them. This is despite the actual fact that high altitudes may damage musical instruments, regardless of quality or age.
O'Hara: "Look! Up there! Are they birds?"
Gordon: "Are they planes?"
Batman: "No, they're cat-burglars!"
RD wonders how he was able to see 1,020 feet up without Detective Mode being invented yet. He learned that supposedly allegedly people can see each other on flat unobstructed planes at three miles (16,000 feet) so it could be a small possibility. Vince gives him applause.

Catwoman also disabled the elevators by pulling a clearly marked lever.
Batman: "She's put the elevators out of commission, Commissioner!"
O'Hara: "I, I'll take me men and we'll run up the 102 flights of stairs."
Batman: "I don't have time for that!"
He plans to Batgrapple his way on the side of the building use the super-powered Batjets on the elevator, reminding RD of Willy Wonka's Great Glass Elevator.

As Catwoman inspects the tune of the violins Zucchini counts the money and finds he's $1,000 short. This gives her the excuse to throw off her disguise - but so does Zucchini, as he was Robin all along! "Maybe you can bully an aging mogul, but not me, Catwoman!" (:35) 

The goons appear with O'Shea, infuriating Robin: "A person like you could give a bad name to gossip columnists!" O'Shea counters by producing a getaway rocket. They then go back and forth with Robin instead of just trying to throw him out the window (again), taking so much time that Batman can show up. "Unhand that boy, and be quick about it! Or I'll know the reason why!" So they throw him to Batman instead. RD wishes they had trained in throwing as part of their curriculum.

Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you, Batman."
Batman: "You're welcome."

Cue fight, although somehow O'Shea gets an upper hand and almost throws them out, while Catwoman sits in the rocket trying to start it up. Wrote RD: "For her part she just keeps writhing on the cylindrical, one may also say phallic, rocket." Mrs Deal: "She was just trying to get it to go." RD: "She sure was."

Being sexually exhausted she tries to escape on foot through the window. "I'd rather die than get caught." Then she almost falls, dropping violins and money. "On second thought, maybe I wouldn't." So the Duo have to Batrope her to safety. The violins were obviously fake, but the money wasn't. This is assuming they could catch it all at the bottom instead of having the bag break open and making it rain.

As they try to pull her up O'Shea somehow knocks Batman out of the window, and he grabs onto Catwoman with an "oops." Robin dispatches O'Shea and has to pull the two up by his young self.
Catwoman: "How can I ever combat you again after all you've done for me?"
Batman: "Let's hope it never comes to that, Catwoman, because, in the end, veracity and rectitude always triumph."
Catwoman: "Batman, are you spoken for?"
Batman: "Hmmm?"
Catwoman: "Married, engaged or going steady?"
Batman: "My crime-fighting leaves me little time for social engagements."
Catwoman: "Boy, have I got a girl for you."
Vince wonders if she is just working him. RD thinks the chemistry is real with the aid of One Friend Ralph and her rocket ride. That probably requires a separate episode of discussion all on its own (and the recent movie).

At Gordon's office another villain is in handcuffs. (:44) Batman gives his farewell "for ten to twenty years...seven and a half years" for good behavior. She appreciates his giving testimony against her at the trial for some reason. RD gives her seven and a half weeks. Catwoman: "I'll be an old tabby by then!" Batman reassures her she will still have someone even then. She then goes and rubs herself against a random guard with a meow, causing Robin to do an eye roll.
Robin: "I wonder if we've seen the end of her."
Batman: "I wouldn't hazard a guess, Robin."
Gordon: "Why, Batman, are you blushing?"
Batman: "It's the...heat of the day, Commissioner. Unseasonably warm, don't you think?"
I'm surprised he didn't blame that eclipse.

The Bros thought the episode was fine, old woman disguise notwithstanding. Vince thought the overall story was average.

Vince finds James Brolin's (supposed) current net worth to be $50 million. RD believes it grew from Catwoman's generosity. 

RD has found Catwoman's main flaw in Batpole judging; her teeth. (:49) He still gives her a 9.5 though. Vince has yet to see it in close-up but he gives her 10 without the teeth. 

Vince loved the Batman casino game, alongside the pinball machine, the Kiss pinball machine (which doesn't work in the Arcade), and Pac-Man. 

RD sent him a picture of some of his son's giant Lego set-pieces. RD reveals he vaguely wants to be an engineer but right now he just wants to be a kid, which is a good way of thinking.


  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [3] (Julie Newmar) [2]


  • SPEAKING OFs: 2. Rabbit hole, Foolish worlds
  • Screen Captures: 2. Vince, RD
  • (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. James Brolin

Special #2: Batsalaries: May 15, 2022

64 minutes

Vince asks "RD Is Also Unseasonably Warm" to humor him (and his difficulty with small Lego pieces in assembling and disassembling his own Batmobile) to detour from discussing "Faster Catwoman! Kill! Kill!" to analyzing the cast salaries of Season 1 and 3. 

You heard it here first - Vince Russo has his own scoops. 

MRS. RUSSO! GET DAVE MELTZER ON THE PHONE!

  • :11 Shockingly (to RD's correct guess) Bert Burt Ward John Jervis Jr. made the least amount of anyone. It was most likely due to it being his first actual role at 19 years old and not having an aiding agency (officially) representing him at the audition. (He was also an old friend of Bruce Lee.) Rate per half hour of episode: $350 (or $3,069 as of this writing, which is obviously far above minimum wage for a first time teenage actor). 
  • RD is shocked two other actors got paid less than Alfred and Aunt Harriet: Commissioner Jim Gordon (Neil Hamilton) and Chief O'Hara (Stafford Repp) at $450 each ($3,945). RD: "That's way too much for O'Hara." (Also too much for the man was a first name that's not "Chief"; it would take 2013 when it was revealed to be Miles.)
  • Alfred Not Yet Pennyworth (Alan Napier) and Aunt Harriet Cooper (Madge Blake) got $500 each ($4,384). RD: "You've thought she could have afforded a bra for that."
  • The Villainous Quartet (Julie Newmar's Catwoman, Cesar Romero's Joker, Burgess Meredith's Penguin, and Frank Gorshin's Riddler) equally made $1,250 ($10,960). (:20) RD thinks there should have been pay differences based on acting caliber from prior acting experience and stardom, much to Vince's initial confusion. (It does remind me of the time I watched a recreation of a 30's radio adaptation of Hamlet with Meredith as the Prince of Denmark and all us spectators made (respectful) Penguin references and laughs. "I'll get you next time Claudius! Next time, YOU will not to be! WAH! WAH!")
  • RD is on the nose of Adam West's $2,000 ($17,535).
  • Since the cast got raises for Season 3, it would be a given that the remaining shooting budget would be less as a result. Despite this, Ward...was still at the bottom with $450 ($3,813). (:26) RD: "How much did Victor Paul get paid? He had as much screen time as Burt Ward did!"
  • Next is Aunt Harriet, though she had less presence due to her illness (perhaps from not wearing bras) at $500 ($4,237).
  • Next is Alfred falling below the two (inept) policemen, but at least he got $650 ($5,508).
  • Said Undyamic Duo got $750 ($6,356). RD: "That's completely unacceptable."
  • 30 year old Yvonne Craig as Batgirl Barbara Gordon got a shockingly high $1,500 ($12,711). RD was sure they didn't go about comparing their salaries in public, based on his experience as a senior manager and corroborated with my experience in human resources. (:32)
  • Vince saw some documentary on how the Dynamic Duo were always on the road between shootings promoting all over the country. RD: "You could say they were up all the time." Despite this West was only getting $2,250 ($19,067). 
  • Vince links the high salaries (Craig's in particular) to Hogan and Bischoff's high salaries in TNA draining from other departments to do fuck all. (:40) RD thinks it was just part of the common practice of the time of large salaries in short running shows airing more than weekly. Vince wonders if they should have actors in more than one role, perhaps with Aunt Harriet also as Batgirl. RD thinks Batgirl should have also been Aunt Harriet with the power of their makeup. 
  • Vince now understands Ward being all about money nowadays since he was at the bottom of the totem pole. Nowadays his Gentle Giant Dog Food (Company) is said to keep them alive to 20 years old. (:51) RD remembers his prior dogs, including when one pooping his couch made him laugh to no end. 

 

RD plans to have Mario Teaches Typing as part of their King of Arcade competition at the Arcade. (:58) One of the prior years had one of Billy Mitchell's retinue perform extremely well on Ms. Pac-Man and then lose at the air hockey table.

 

  • RD Time Outs:  1
  • WrestleCrap Joker's Mustache 'Gongs': 1

Episode 40: Holy Lovebirds!: May 8, 2022

Hot Off the Griddle
"Catwoman makes her return known with a string of robberies. Hoping to lure her into a trap, Batman plants a news blurb giving the whereabouts of a rare canary, but Catwoman is tipped off and arrives prepared. Batman and Robin follow a lead to Catwoman's hideout, the Pink Sandbox, but soon discover that this villain has been waiting for them."
77 minutes

"RD's Dancing Ended w/The Reflex" He distracts Vince with a capture of Newmar in the skintight catsuit. Vince prefers to see RD's "facials". RD responds with another Newmar picture.

Vince couldn't help but notice all the insults lobbied to Catwoman in place of her having lines of her own. RD thinks they would distract from her looks and her meowing. 

11 pm in Gotham City. Narrator: "All is well...OR IS IT?" A burglar steals a catalogue to circle the letters CAT and throw it out the window on a parachute. Then a small CATamaran is thrown out. Then three little mittens into the hands of Newmar as Catwoman. RD thinks she was dialing up her theatrics to make up for her absence from the movie. 

In Gordon's office he has to deal with O'Hara attempting to spell the word "trouble". Gordon: "When facing an adversary like the Countess of Criminality, there is only one man who can deal with, and eventually overcome that threat to our security." The Co-Bros wonder why they need to call the Duo for such petty thefts. Vince thinks it would be fun to see Batman question the incompetent police asking for his help for this, as is his right.

Instead though Bruce is helping Dick use a telescope in the middle of the day and having to remind him not to look directly at the sun. (:12) Dick is rather ecstatic for an eclipse occurring tomorrow which has "foreign dignitaries" coming in to observe, as if the eclipse is happening ONLY in Gotham City. Gordon tells him Catwoman is "alive...to besmirch the name of our fair metropolis". RD wonders if he means that OTHER big city and why Superman isn't handling it then. 

In Gordon's office he feels that he can only warn the Duo in person that "the marchioness of misdemeanors is a wily opponent!" O'Hara: "She is a pretty hip cat." Robin thinks of luring her with a canary. Batman: "You've done it again, old chum."He reassures the policemen that they will get her using her overconfidence.
Gordon: "O'Hara, I have grown to realize that there are two basics in life we can be sure of."
O'Hara: "Death and taxes, sir?"
Gordon: [To the camera] "Batman and Robin!" 

In the Batcave Robin suggests running a fake story in the paper, hopefully having better success the second time. (:19) Batman decides to run something in the gossip column, as written by Jack (Not Rick) O'Shea. They call him at a drugstore's phone booth with an automatic dialer. After the Co-Bros explain the concept of a phone booth, Jack agrees to do the favor in writing about a rare canary being exhibited at the Natural History Museum.
Jack: "Why don't we do lunch?"
Batman: "Perhaps. Goodbye."
The Bros criticize Batman being randomly rude, since karma will always catch up to such behavior. 

In her lair Catwoman compliments her three remaining cat-burglars. Then one of them complains about their burglaries so she straight kicks him. Wrote RD: "HOLY SMOKES IS HER OUTFIT TIGHT" O'Shea calls her to tell her about Batman's move.
O'Shea: "How about you and I go share a saucer of milk?"
Catwoman: "I can't do that, it would ruin my rep to be seen with you."
She then has to go prepare to KILL the Duo. To do this she has to teach her minions how to properly burglar, but promises a short recess. 

Meanwhile the Duo set to work on Batjets that can "lift a 5,000 pound automobile more than 500 miles in the air". RD calculated that would send them into interstellar orbit beyond the International Space Station. Alfred appears with "proper nourishment" from two very small sandwiches that he can put in a bag while they're in the Batmobile. RD wonders if they would be eating while driving at supersonic speeds.

The two arrive at the Museum just in time for someone to break through the window. (:36) On getting jumped, the burglar complains about being outnumbered. Also Catwoman is standing behind them. "YOU WITCH!" Batman shouts randomly. Vince thinks it covers his still lingering attraction for her. 

Not abiding his boorishness, Catwoman orders her goons to lose to their stunt doubles while she watches detachedly. RD found a picture of Victor Paul as Male Pattern Baldness Robin that he shows to Vince's interest. Catwoman then just shoots the Duo with her CATatonic Cat Darts to paralyze them, then has them thrown out the 12th story window directly. Of course Batman intended for this to happen, and so they fall into deployed fishing nets. 

Return to Gordon's office, where RD now has to explain newspapers. The paper in question is very critical of the Duo's failed attempt at crimefighting. Batman wonders why the columnist he blew off is now "so vitriolic". They've arrested one of the cat-buglers who agrees to talk (like Jerry Seinfeld) when Gordon is prepared to bring a beatdown. He does not know the exact location of the lair except for hearing rock'n'roll and cats meowing and Catwoman about to act later in the day.

Back at Stately Wayne Manor, Aunt Harriet is free to dance around like a madwoman, much to Alfred's dismay. (:48) "My dancing days ended with the Lambeth Walk." RD now has to explain the 30 years prior/20 years later Lambeth Walk.

Meanwhile Dick is standing with his legs wide apart at a ridiculous degree complaining about the music for the "Catussi". Alfred: "By 'Benedict Arnold and the Traitors'." 

This leads the Duo to a cat-themed restaurant/dance club named the Pink Sandbox and all the cat-related puns the writers could think of. However, before the Duo can try the food to see if it is made of cat or cat gut, the table is literally turned on them and they're dropped into a pit overseen by Catwoman. She still desires to kill them.
Batman: "You can't frighten us with any of your threats, feline sorceress! Take heed! We shall overcome your satanic schemes!"
Catwoman regrets their being on opposing sides. All she has are the other (male) villains, including the "too small" Penguin.
Robin: "Holy lovebirds! I think she's sweet on you!"

She then heats the floor to make them dance, testing the temperature by dropping two eggs to instant fry them, and becoming quite...ecstatic. Batman tries to cut open a water pipe, releasing the gas inside to knock them out. When they awaken they find themselves tied up on the roof in giant grills.
Batman: "You hateful hussy!"
Catwoman tells them the grills are covered with margarine. Robin: "Holy oleo!" Then the goons bring out giant magnifying glasses. 

Narrator: "Is their goose really cooked? Will Batman and Robin stew in their own juice? Are all their plans and dreams to go up in smoke? The answer to these and other burning questions tomorrow! Same cat-time, same cat-channel!" 

Vince wonders if the writers divide motives between the villains, such that it would be this week that someone wants Batman dead, and it just so happens to be Catwoman, regardless of characters. The two did like the day's episode.

RD sent Vince customized coasters, including Romero as Joker, Robin tied up on a horse, and Stately Wayne Manor. They consider making them as potential prizes. 

RD Junior got his father to watch an animated sequel with McMahon as an otter.
Vince: "Interesting."
RD: "No, it's not interesting!"

 

  • Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [3] (Julie Newmar) [2]


  • Screen Captures: 4. RD, RD, RD, RD

 

Episode 39: Holy Blackbeard!: May 1, 2022

Walk the Straight and Narrow
"Batman and Robin escape their previous peril and are back in action seeking to foil the Archer and his gang. After pulling off a counterfeit job, the villains head for their boat, planning to take their loot safely to Switzerland. The Dynamic Duo set off in the Bat boat to try to stop their escape."
63 minutes

"RD-President Mr. Dale Fan Club" is pleased by Vince's pronunciation of the word 'archer'. Vince took a while to realize Archer was actually from Brooklyn. RD is ashamed they had already forgotten Pauline.

Male Pattern Baldness Robin is already present 25 seconds into the day's episode. RD was compelled to look him up as then 39 year old Victor Paul who did a heck of a lot of work over a 55 year career on film and TV. Vince applauds his knowledge. 

Vince: "Strapped to poles."
RD: "Something you may have booked."

Batman muses "there's no place to go but up" before the two use their Batsprings in their shoes to launch them to stratospheric orbit and then bounce around.
Batman: "We've got your number, Archer!"
Archer: "Impossible, my dear Sheriff of Gotham-ham! My number's unlisted!"
Then Marilyn accidentally breaks his "ego making" sound machine, causing the villains to flee. The Duo free themselves from their bonds to secure Alfred.

Cut to Dale's office where he sits at his desk using a feather quill pen. (:14) RD laments he was not a recurring character on the show. Dale is too busy with his writing to notice the Duo in his office until they cough to get his attention and a "mmmmm." In closed teeth: "I like that cape, Batman. Very chic. Wash and wear?" Batman asks him about Bruce's money (coming "fresh from the government"), suspicious of his activity since his mouth doesn't move.

In Archer's new lair under Police HQ he laments Marilyn not speaking as they do despite their coming from the same Brooklyn neighborhood. RD bemoans the police's constant incompetence. Dale comes in with a knock on the door to tell them through his teeth that Bruce's money is in transit in exchange for his share. Archer: "Sticky wicket! Howest speak in thee unique vernacular!" (Perhaps he speaks that way because he too is from Brooklyn.)

They ambush the armored car with crooked arrows to go around the weak points and hit it with gas and smoke. This forces the security out while still leaving the keys inside, so that Marilyn can just go and take it. Yet when the car is later found the money is still inside.

RD wonders why Vince keeps defending the police despite how terrible they are at their job. 

"Eight hours later" at Stately Wayne Manor Gordon calls Bruce to remind him to give away the money at a charity event. (:28) He also tells him the Duo will be there. Bruce has "always wanted to meet them" despite having already done so several times already. He and Dick blow off a line-less but bra-wearing Aunt Harriet who gives them the eye on the way to the Batcave with Alfred. The butler almost goes down the Batpoles before he realizes he can't do that and takes an alternative route.  Bruce does not change into his outfit as he is supposed to meet himself.

Dale is also at the event with Bruce, relieved through his teeth that the money is safe. "It wasn't any help to those two up there," and he points to the Duo of Bat-Alfred and Robin on a roof. RD thinks Alfred fits the suit pretty well. Vince agrees although the shot wasn't very flattering. He also didn't paint over his mustache like Cesar Romero. 

The event is run by Gordon's fraternity colleague Marshall Roland, "Commissioner in charge of poor people". Oh, so he's a homeless camp chief. Despite the offer of donating $10 million in moneybags (individually in single bills) only 20 recipients show up. The first person up takes out his magnifying glass to see it is blatantly counterfeit with the Archer's face on the bill, and calls on his peers to riot. 

Bruce rushes to the "insurance office" as Gordon calls on the Duo for their help. On their way down Bruce gives Alfred his Batspeech Imitator, which he uses from a (social) distance of 100 feet since he has a cold. (Good thing he also has a mask.)
Gordon (to Robin): "Tell him to get some relaxation, and make sure to eat all his veg-e-tables."

The Duo exit, leaving Bruce with Dale worrying about his job, then all of a sudden leaving. RD had little idea what he said. Bruce shakes his hand, then wipes his hand on his shirt in disgust. 

In the Batcave Robin whines about surrendering so (real) Batman has to poetically speech about the entire picture. He thinks the villains will escape to Switzerland via boat. "To the Batboat via Batmobile!" 

At a traffic stop a woman laments she cannot drive as fast as the Duo can, to which a cop remarks that in his off-hours he lectures on driving safety. (:45) Now THERE'S an idea for any struggling DC artists who may be reading this for some reason: Batman's Driving School. RD knows one of the cars was a '66 Mustang (Fastback) because it was his first car (for six months). Cue reused footage of the Batboat from the Movie. 

The Bros are unsure if the boat is Archer's or Dale's, because the latter complains through his teeth of seasickness. The Duo board with raised Batshield to deflect the goons' arrows (after Robin ages 30 years in hiding), so they pull out swords.
Archer: "By thunder, thee will walk the plank deck."
Robin: "Holy Blackbeard!"
Then Marilyn just gives them swords to even the odds.
Batman: "I doff my cowl to you, Maid Marilyn."
Cue more Olde English speech bubbles as the Duo easily win.
Archer: "Et tu, Brute?"

Barbara Nichols (then 38 at filming) declined performing in striptease to focus on modeling and was even considered to rival (non Maid) Marilyn Monroe. Sadly she passed away 10 years later due to liver failure. Vince gives her 3 Batpoles (+1 from not doing further adult work). RD gives her 4.5. "So she was a year younger than Robin!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor the two do some archery. Alfred wants to show how he was termed William Tell by putting an apple on Dick's head but the Duo defer so he has to shoot at it on a stand. He shoots with trembling hands and hits below it. Dick: "Right between the eyes!" 

The two enjoyed the story, in case it wasn't obvious. 

Jonathan Plombon sent RD a book he had co-written about Herb Abrams' UWF. Unsurprisingly Vince had little idea who he was. (Not a slight against him though. Say what you will about his writing legacy, but at least he didn't go out in self-destructive fashion like Abrams did.)

RD has no idea if he and Bryan will release a 20th Anniversary Edition of The Death of WCW since they hardly talk about wrestling. I expect them to start a radio progrem about Bea Arthur now. How good is Bryan's Jim Ross impression?


  • Special Guest Villain: The Archer (Art Carney)


  • Screen Captures: 4. RD, RD, RD, RD
  • I didn’t even know he was sick:  1. Victor Paul