Minisode #195 Moist Skateboards

by iggy

April 29, 2011

Draftrolla 2011
WWE closes WWE Niagra Falls.
Gay Popeye joins the program.
Mike Check checks in from prison.
RD calls Angry Jim Ross, who hurt his hand.
Sir Alec gets drafted.
Satan is working on Mickie James.
The Midnight Rose makes an appearance.
Raging Demons asks a question.
Stubby returns.
A Haiku by Chief Jay

#global internet period net #watches through fingers

Random Thoughts from the Office: April 29, 2011

It's been a while, so many things to talk about. Wrestlemania, Lockdown, all the movings in the draft. Well let's get

*Phone Rings*

I thought I unplugged that....Hello, Clarence "Showstealer" Mason: Attorney at Law.....Yes....Well I'm about to start.....Well what do you mean I've been drafted? Who's going to do my column?....Oh no....Oh GOD No!


Hello fellow members of the Universe. My name is Troy and I just LOVE all things WWE. I've watched them ever since I was just a little bity baby watching Hillbilly Jim and saying my prayers and eating my vitamins like the Hulkster. I wish he'd come back to WWE for one more match but I can still watch him in TNA so that's okay :).

It's nice of the Wrestlecrap Radio people to let me have this column to talk about all the GREAT goings on in the world of Sports Entertainment. Speaking of entertainment how does Randy Orton's movie look? Don't you just want to rush to the theaters and see that?

It's been a time for sadness though too as "The Rated R Superstar" Edge had to retire. It's really a shame as he was one of the top superstars the WWE had. With his gimmick of the Ultimate Opportunist, he would always take advantage of every situation and would turn it to his advantage and man did it ever tick off the WWE Universe? Who could forget when he cashed in Money in the Bank for the first time against John Cena? Didn't you just want to hit him? I mean the entire WWE Universe knows John Cena is a hero so to beat him is like...I don't know....beating Superman or something. Then when he had that Live Sex Celebration on Raw? That was one of the best moments of TV for years, maybe since the Monday Night Wars....oh who am I kidding. Every moment of TV, be it Raw, Smackdown, Impact or anything else is good TV :)

Edge succeeded where many thought he would fail by persevering and being one of the best at what he did. Not THE best, everyone knows that's Chris Jericho :P but when he debuted as the brooding pretty boy character a lot of people said he wouldn't last. But last he did and when he passed through the brood and teamed up with Christian they were given a chance to shine, and you could tell that they were always having fun and were committed to putting on the best show for the WWE Universe and we loved them for it.

Then when they broke up and Edge went into singles there were people saying he wouldn't make it. That he wasn't good enough or big enough but he proved them all wrong and became on of the top superstars of the late 2000's. His feuds with Mick Foley, Undertaker and John Cena always produced epic battles and moments we'd remember forever. It's so sad to think we'll never see him compete in a WWE ring again but I'm sure somewhere down the line he'll be on TV again and the WWE universe will go wild.

What about TNA? Don't you just want to see Hulk Hogan have one more match? I think Immortal has been one of the best things to ever happen in TNA. Vince Russo sure does know how to keep an audience enthralled. And now with Sting as champion and Immortal trying to chase him down, now's a better time than ever to be a TNA fan.

In fact now's a better time than ever to be a fan of Sports Entertainment. Why anyone would think UFC is better than this is beyond me. Well I guess I'll sign off for now but I'm sure looking forward to talking to you all next time about the great things going on in Sports Entertainment in both WWE and TNA, because they're looking stronger than ever

Not if I have anything to say about it!

*repeated gunshots*

Now how much space have I got le...

*more gunshots*

Now that that's been dealt with let's talk about the problems in TN....

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

195 How: April 29, 2011

60 minutes

Now available in HD.
WrestleCrap Radio returns to the (digital) airwaves after a two year month absence. Lucky me. I would say the break in recording is from some karmic retribution of not actually making a proper episode before the April Fools one, hence this result. But I don't think anyone would be the wiser from this. Either way, it is fine by me. Anything to lessen the, ah, 'experience' of subjecting myself to and summarizing the radio progrem. (I really am a masochist.)

#1 It also appears the DraftTrolla supersedes all made bets, as Glen Danzig has been drafted to WTKO The Knockout. He would certainly have a lot to say on THAT network, that's for damn sure.

Sad News: WWE Niagara Falls has been future endeavored.

#2 To try and liven things up Gay Popeye is drafted to the laugh track. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk. (:05)

#3 To try and liven THAT up Mike Check is drafted to Promotional Consideration. Hilarity ensues as they try to get him to shill from prison. (:07)

#4 Jim Ross is drafted to take a TRIP to the Grocery. (:19) He was too busy standing vigil for Johnny Ace's moist skateboard to find anything of note there. "Never trust a carnie with your meat Deal," he advises.

The Midnight Rose is now on cable in Kansas. (:26)

#5 RD tires of Blade much earlier than last time, so he gets Sir Alec on his end of the tin can and string instead. RD is not sure how long he should play his music. (:30) Trish Stratus is selling some sort of water online. Sir Alec often used hush puppies when malt vinegar was not available.

#6 "Satan" is summoned so RD can explain what exactly he does on the show. (:36) His old friend Billy Graham is up to no good again. Neither is Mickie James.

#7 SPEAKING OF the Midnight Rose, he's drafted to answer the Question of the Week. (:41) It's from Raging Demons (5), who thinks a porn startlet looks like Madison Rayne. Shouldn't that be the Observation of the Week insetead?

#8 Stubby reclaims his old post of TNA Correspondent. (:46) TNA is receiving a worker's comp lawsuit from an injured Daphnee. (According to the Honky Tonk Non-Mail Man, Karen Jarrett also has her own suit against the company .) Sir Alec temporarily becomes possessed by Popeye for some reason.

:52 Sin Cara is on a trampoline like Dennis Stamp. WWE wants to make their own TV network. Then Blade starts coughing, causing RD to laugh uncontrollably.

#9 Chief Jay Strongbow is drafted to deliver the Haiku.
How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How. How. How.
How. How. How. How. How.

#10 The radio progrem's Intro tune has been drafted to replace the Outro.

A very minuscule amount for the Swear Jar, just 50 cents, for $18.00. I don't count swearing from Blade's other characters because that's in their character to act around like that. Now, if Brakestown HIMSELF does it, that's a whole other story entirely!

*Note to self: Insert self-portrait with my own WWE Niagara Falls Cup here*

Minisode #194 WTKO Ithaca

by iggy

April 1, 2011

The WWWF is in town.
Gorilla Monsoon is from the jungle.
Sammy Sugardaddy is the man on the scene.
Circus of the Stars was on last night.
Suzy Shuffle gives the fastest weather in NY.
Linda Ronstadt doesn't want you to wreck your pick-up.
Hitting the post.

#ithaca #may the funk be with you

Random Thoughts from the Office: April 1, 2011

Boy it feels like it's been 1977 since I did one of these......You know I wonder....

Wavy Flashback Sequence
Has anyone seen that Ric Flair kid recently? I don't know what Jim Crockett sees in this guy but just cause a guy survived a plane crash doesn't mean he's a great wrestler. I mean come on, are you seriously trying to make me believe that THIS guy and Greg Valentine are a better tag team than the Andersons? Give me a break. If the plane crash didn't finish him off his lame tag team work will, this guy seriously just needs to give it up already...

And another thing. Bruno Sammartino. LOSE THE FUCKING TITLE ALREADY! The first one was bad enough, but another 5 years of this shit? Goddamnit. Why can't the WWWF put over new talent for once in their lives, like Superstar Billy Graham? The guy has everything, charisma, looks, a great body. He could go anywhere he wants and people would fall over themselves to give him their title....everywhere except the WWWF where it seems like we're always going to party like it's 1969. I don't understand why I have to get angry about this and yes I know Bruno's HUGELY over, but there comes a time when you have to create someone new so the fans will pay money for you to beat that guy up. Think Bruno, if you lose the belt to Graham because he cheats you out of it, because that's what Heels do, then the fans will pay MORE money to see you get it back. It's....Not.....Rocket....Science! Good God even Wilt Chamberlain knew when it was time to quit....

Record scratch as sequence ends

Maybe not..

So once again it's Wrestlemania weekend and the buildup has been magnificent....if you're someone who thinks the Jerry Lawler-Michael Cole match should be an hour long exploding steel cage time bomb death match and should main event the show. For everyone else (IE: Everyone Sane) it's been sort of hit and miss. I mean is it me or does this show just not have that "Big Event" feel to it? I mean don't get me wrong, it has the aura of being bigger than the other shows just because it's Wrestlemania but I don't know it doesn't feel all that special and I think that's a failure of the WWE to build things properly; like I meant a bit at the beginning there, when Michael Cole is in your most anticipated match there's a problem.

The WWE did get off to a good start....well for most people when the man that I will only refer to as Flex Fucking Kavana announced he was going to be the host of Wrestlemania and immediately got into a heated slanging match by repeated verbal knockouts of John Cena. Cena responded with some of the best promos he's come up with in ages, even showing us for one night just why so many of us actually liked him at first before he became the Last Son of Krypton.

Now all this would be fine if Rock and Cena were actually going to have a match, but they're not having a match at Wrestlemania not will they probably ever. Dwayne Johnson has far too much to risk EVER getting back in the wrestling ring as an active competitor. And so John Cena is preparing for a title shot against The Miz, a champion who has been booked so woefully it takes all of my being not to start referring to him as Jack Swagger 2.0. But after the last couple of weeks, that might actually be INSULTING to Jack Swagger, who's gotten a modicum of heat back by becoming the trainer of Michael Cole in his showdown with Lawler, another example of how that feud has been booked right.

Then there's the other title match between Edge and Alberto Del Rio. Give Alberto credit, he's trying, my GOD is he trying, to get this feud over. But Edge gave up trying a long time ago....and really, after the way he came out of the whole Dolph Ziggler debacle I can't say I blame him. If this title reign of the Rated R Superstar has taught us anything it's that maybe the WWE was right all along, and Edge is best as a transitional champion. It's now getting so bad that Del Rio-Edge is probably not the match most people want to see, it's Del Rio-Christian, at least Christian is showing some emotion and babyface fire.

Undertaker-HHH. You know sometimes it's just best not to say anything, so I'll say I did my time at Wrestlemania 17 and I have no desire to see this match again and leave it at that.

Which brings us all the way back around to Lawler vs Cole. A match so beautifully booked to bring in both old school and new school fans that it's hard to believe the same writing crew came up with the rest of the card. I mean seriously just stop and think about this for a second. Michael Cole. MICHAEL FUCKING COLE. Who for years and years and years had such things said about him as "He's a little goatee wearing bitch" to "He just never gets any better" to "Why does this guy still have a job?" is the most over heel in the company. And what makes him the perfect heel is just the great old school feel of it; everyone in the audience probably thinks they could take Cole and are just dying for Lawler to shut him up, but Cole misguidedly thinks he can get a fellow heel to train him and he'll have a shot. Meanwhile he attacks Lawler verbally and then runs or hides behind Swagger if Lawler looks like he's going to get too close, just like the managers of the 80's. But now the time is coming when he can't run away and when that day comes everyone will get what they want and Cole will finally be silenced once and for all.

It won't go on last, it probably won't be anywhere near the top of the card at all but the noise or "Heat" if you weeeel from the crowd doesn't lie. Make no mistake. Michael Cole vs Jerry "The King" Lawler IS the main event of Wrestlemania 27.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

(194) The Bob & Weave Morning Drive: April 1, 2011

77 minutes

They say that like it's a bad thing.
You think Mike Check was fibbing when he was talking about his past radio experience? Then enjoy this 're-run' from 1977 while he was working in Ithaca NY's WTKO 'The Knockout' as Bob Ali alongside his broadcast partner Cassius Weave!

(Aside: Is it wrong that I actually enjoy the music they were playing? I guess I prefer music when it was, well, actual frigging music.)

The Swear Jar is holding at $17.50. No interest is being incurred...yet.