Episode 55: Holy Bard!: August 28, 2022

Hizzonner the Penguin
November 2, 1966
"When Penguin runs for Mayor of Gotham City, Batman is persuaded to run against him."
59 minutes

RD: Voting for Goldwinner. He is the 3rd or 4th vote.

The Washington Post once ran an article on the story having an obvious connection to an election 50 years later. The story's original airdate was a week before the '66 midterm elections anyway.

RD reminds Vince he has a Vote for Batman sign hung up in the room. 

'Hizzoner' is slang for 'his honor', which tripped up Vince in trying to figure it out. 

The Gotham City Charity Fund annual luncheon is gatecrashed by the Penguin - who stops a "foul play" robbery by "Harry Hooligan" on a blind man with a boxing glove umbrella. 

RD recently saw a drive-thru attendant at the Chick-Fil-A wearing a chained wallet.  

"That crooked quack is up to no good," says one policeman.
Penguin: "Citizen Penguin to the rescue!"
The policeman wonders why the Penguin is not hitting him instead, and knowing the uselessness of the police I'm sure he wouldn't do anything to defend himself. Instead the Penguin gives the criminal to the police to arrest.

So yes, he's pretending to be a good guy again.

Gordon is shocked when hearing about Penguin's antics, including donating $100,000 to the Fund. O'Hara: "That feathered fiend must be cooking up something pretty foul in his bubbling cauldron!" 

At Stately Wayne Manor Dick is woodenly practicing his Macbeth. Bruce reminds him he has a civics exam to study for. Alfred is laying on the floor, perhaps overwhelmed by his bad acting (and he should know since Napier was also a Shakespearean actor in his younger days). He gets up to answer the Batphone, then passes it to Bruce who is just standing there.
Bruce: "Civics will have to wait, Dick. Penguin is up to some new tricks. Alfred, you may exorcise your familiarity with the bard."
Vince: "What's the 'bard'? I've never heard that word before in my life."

Cut to the Duo in Gordon's Office an elevator in Police HQ going to Gordon's Office on the 13th floor. (:13)
Robin: "Did you hear those rumors in the lobby? The Penguin running for Mayor?"
Batman: "Well it's a free country, Robin."
Robin: "It won't be if he's elected. Besides, I thought convicted felons were barred from holding any official office."
Batman: "I suspect Penguin has done his civics homework, and just discovered a paragraph 34.8 of the city charter has never officially been repealed. That would be the one that specifically allows convicted criminals to run for public office."
Robin: "Holy disaster area!"
Batman: "I don't think there's any danger of the Penguin being elected, Robin. The people of Gotham City are not as simple-minded as he might think."
As they exit the elevator, the other occupants reveal their Penguin for Mayor badges.

Incumbent Mayor Linseed is at the Office waiting for the Duo to say his farewells to. Gordon's assistant Bonnie brings in Linseed's pollsters Gallus (Gallup), Rooper (Roper), and Trendek (Trendex) who have their own portable presentation slide. Penguin is leading at 60%, compared to 30% for Linseed, 7% Undecided, and 2% (from two old women) for Harry Goldwinner. They then leave to go report the same to Penguin.
Linseed: "He knows even more underhanded tricks than I know!"
He then requests Batman to take his place as mayoral candidate, which apparently is a thing one can do at the drop of a hat (or cowl). Batman has to look outside the window for a moment to reflect on this.
Batman: "To run for mayor of a great American city like this...it's a great responsibility. But am I worthy of it? Why don't you ask this of Bruce Wayne instead? I can ask him on your behalf you know, old chum."
But he decides to accept for the will of the people. "Hooray for Batman!" they all cheer.

The plan of Penguin wanting to run for Mayor is so obviously evil that the people...would allow him to run again in Batman Returns, in Gotham (even before Batman), in 2003's The Batman Adventures, and in Harley Quinn (though this is the Joker's attempt). 

The Penguin's lair campaign headquarters has lots of signage and excited folks singing "For He's a Jolly Good Penguin" while carrying him on their shoulders. (:22)
Lulu (a little girl): "Gee, I wish I was old enough to vote for you, Mr. Penguin."
Penguin: "Don't worry, little one, you'll get your chance on my fourth term."
The pollsters enter with their portable presentation slide. Now Batman is leading at 55%, compared to his 35%, 7% Undecided, and 3% (from a third) for Goldwinner.
Penguin: "So, old pointy ears has thrown his cowl into the ring, huh? Good! Once and for all I'll settle matters with that masked moron. And when I finish, he won't even garner enough votes to be elected dogcatcher!"
Cue everyone cough laughing.
Penguin: "Double the assessments. Triple the size of the posters. Quadruple the number of campaign buttons. We'll give the voters of this city the kind of campaign that they want. Plenty of girls and bands and slogans and lots of hoopla. But remember! No politics! Issues confuse people. A big smile, a hearty handshake, a catchy campaign song. That's the way to win an election."

All of a sudden RD gets 'persuaded' by a donation to the RD Reynolds Fund to exchange his Batman signage for Pengy ones, including his Rebel Alliance cap. Now he's RD: Vote for PENGUIN. (:25) Vince wants the same things in the mail.
Vince: "A 100 grand?"
RD: "I can be bought a lot cheaper than that."

Sadly Batman's campaign headquarters is not the Batcave. Even worse is the Duo having to help organize things instead of doing their actual job to combat crime or practice their King Lear.
Robin: "Don't you think we should make these election posters a little bigger, Batman?"
Batman: "I think these are quite large enough, Robin. After all, the voters are interested in issues, not window-dressing."
Robin: "Sure, Batman, but a little showmanship wouldn't hurt us any."
Batman: "No, Robin, I want to conduct a campaign that deals with the issues. I'm convinced that the American electorate is too mature to be taken in by cheap vaudeville trickery. After all, if our national leaders were elected on the basis of tricky slogans, brass bands and pretty girls, our country would be in a terrible mess, wouldn't it?"
Then Aunt Harriet donates a check in person.
Robin: "Holy bank balance!"
Batman: "It's because of people like Aunt - oops, Mrs. Cooper - that our campaign can't fail, Robin."
RD wonders how Batman could cash it.

Then they go around town to see the small Batman signage compared to the much larger Penguin ones with such topical slogans as "Tippecanoe and Pengy Too!" and "All the Way with Pengy" (instead of LBJ). (:32) Vince remembers a 6 foot girl in the 7th grade named Kim Davies that he and his friends made fun of for some reason (for fear of her beating them up). One person starts spraying graffiti on a Batman sign before a cop pulls a gun on him to shoot a Vote for Pengy flag. 

O'Hara notes in Gordon's office the Penguin's effectiveness, before lowering his head to reveal a Pengy sticker on his hat. Gordon gets up to show his Pengy on his back.  

Meanwhile the people want Batman to kiss babies...but he refuses for sanitary reasons. (:35)
Mother: "My child unsanitary?"
Father: ""A politician that won't kiss babies? That's outrageous!"
Batman: "I admit it's rather unusual, but - "
Father: ""It's more than unusual, it's downright suspicious!"
Penguin (suddenly appearing): "It's more than suspicious, it's downright criminal!"
He's more than glad to give a peck while still with the cigarette holder in his mouth, and as he does so he covers Batman's stickers with his own.
Penguin: "This child is beautiful, just like his mom!"
Mother: "I am never gonna go to Batman's rally, the man is a child hater!"
Robin: "It was a dirty lowdown trick!"
Penguin: "Right you are, my masked mutton head! Politics is wonderful! I can use all my lowest, slurpiest tricks, but now they're legal! I should have been a politician years ago!"
Batman: "Bear in mind, Robin; most politicians are honest servants of the people. The dishonest ones are the exception."

Then Batman has to give a very dry rally speech to a half dozen people. Gordon wishes for more energy. O'Hara has fallen asleep, but of course. Linseed asks Robin if they can have a brass band.
Robin: "Batman doesn't want the campaign to be a vaudeville show."
Linseed: "This isn't a campaign, this is a funeral service!" 

Cut to Penguin's raucous rally with Paul Revere and the Raiders playing a Yankee Doodle arrangement.
"Vote for Penguin, yes sirree / He's the bird for you and me / Clean up Gotham, 1-2-3 / So cast your vote for Pengy!"
Then Penguin sings something unintelligible before removing his hat. "Ladies and gentlemen, the Penguin Party stands for: mother, country, and the flag."
Old woman drinking champagne: "It's such a pleasure to hear plain, honest talk from a candidate instead of the usual political mumbo-jumbo!"

In the Batcave Robin bemoans their chances against someone giving out free champagne.
Batman: "The Penguin depends on the cynicism of the people, while I depend on their good judgment. Let's just hope that I am right."  

Penguin's agenda has him visiting the Grand Order of Occidental Nighthawks, or GOON, so the Duo pay a visit to verify that it is in fact his henchmen. Cue fight with a bright spotlight on their stunt doubles. Robin is captured first, even with one of the 'men declaring "enough of the fancy umbrella play!"

The trap is a giant scale (measuring with "close/agony/KO/curtains") with the two over sulfuric acid against melting giant ice cubes. Penguin makes a show of complaint ("the election's on ice!") and dissolves one of his umbrellas to show the acidity. He would make a call to the police to rescue them...if he only had enough change. Wahk, wahk, wahk, wahk. So he decides to waddle to Police HQ within 3 to 4 hours.

Narrator: "Holy Batgraves! An acid bubble bath for Batman and Robin! What a way to lose an election! Batman don't just lie there! Do something! Whatever you do, don’t miss tomorrow’s bubbling finish! Same time, same Bat channel!" 

RD wonders why he would want to kill off the Duo anyway among other illegal activity if he is leading in the polls anyway. Old habits die hard, I suppose. 

RD is thankful he met Lex Luger some years ago and they hit it off very well, especially on social media. (:52) Vince once worked on a Christian wrestling show and outreached to Lex while he was still battling his personal daemons. While Vince was giving a speech Lex was making the children laugh by mocking Vince through making funny faces (or perhaps they were pained faces due to his shirt being too tight too Billy). Then he got arrested (for something else, not for mocking Vince).

  • Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [5] (Burgess Meredith) [5]

  • Entertain The People: 1
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Paul Revere and the Raiders

Episode 54: Holy Mitts!: August 21, 2022

The Dead Ringers
October 27, 1966
"Batman and Robin escape Chandell's trap. Once back in the Batcave, they deduce his plan to get the Wayne family fortune by killing Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, then marrying the rightful heir, Aunt Harriet. In order to trap the villain, Bruce and Dick fake their own deaths. However, Harry has also figured out his brother Chandell's scheme, and desiring the Wayne fortune for himself, concocts a plan to masquerade as his twin brother."
64 minutes

RD is sadly not deucedly attractive. Apparently "deucedly" is not an American word. 

Thankfully RD is mostly recovered from last week by watching a Woodstock miniseries. Unfortunately now Mrs. and Jr. have to handle it. RD: "I just farted all the time while her nose wasn't working." Vince suggests to pop the eardrums to get some taste back.

RD's old boss was a conservative for all the wrong reasons. 

The Narrator calls Chandell "Fingers" and music "dreadful" for some reason.

Robin: "Life: a cup full of surprises to the last drop." (:09)

To get out of their trap, Batman asks Robin to sing the same notes as he. Cue horrible noises from the two. RD: "These men did not sing." Once extricated, Batman explains that they shouted high and low enough to make the recording machine punch the paper around them instead of on them. They would also have to sing extremely high and extremely low beyond even most trained singers (and their own vocal chords). They're just that good!
Batman: "I visualized the chords in my mind."
Robin: "Holy perfect pitch!"
Batman (into the microphone in his hand): "Let's burst in and bag those birds!" 

They enter the room while Batman has a piece of paper stuck to his foot. As the women flee Batman immediately knocks Harry down with a Batarang. 

Harry is taken for interrogation under a lamp with most of its bulbs out. (:16)
O'Hara: "Alright canary, start talkin'!"
Harry accuses "Fingers" as the one who wants to rob Wayne before attorney Alfred Slye enters to ask for proper treatment of his client.
Gordon: "We only need apply patience and subtlety, the honest policeman's only aids."
So they turn the other bulbs on the "subtle interrogation lamp". Slye gives sunglasses and a helmet to Harry to wear. 
Gordon charges Harry with attempting to perforate the Dynamic Duo into player piano music rolls. In response Slye charges the Duo with damaging the perforating machine with foreign objects, "said objects being themselves." Then he and Harry just leave while Gordon questions the world's sanity.

In the Batcave the Duo are also mentioning Fingers who "fits like a glove". (:20) Batman theorizes that if they die then the entire estate will go to Alfred Aunt Harriet, since she is of course related to Dick instead of Bruce. ... oh wait.

Speaking of, Alfred not Slye is to take her to see Chandell again. Batman: "This Chandell is a deucedly attractive fellow. He could pull it off." He asks Robin to access his "super keen musical memory" by closing his eyes and forming a thought bubble of Chandell sitting at a player piano in order to determine his location.

Chandell is in his dressing room serenading Harriet and lays her on a couch, as the Duo eavesdrop in voyeuristic disgust.
Batman: "Self control is tough. All virtues are, old chum. That's why they're called virtues."
Then they return to Stately Wayne Manor before Fingers can do his namesake. 

At the Manor Dick causes an explosion in his darkroom (in a hall closet) scaring poor Alfred. RD has to explain what a darkroom is. (:30)

In the lair Chandell reads about a "tragedy at Wayne Manor" while his girls are all over him. He announces his plan to marry Harriet for her $5 million for Harry. "Imagine: farewell, Chandell. I'll cast off my criminal skin like a moulting butterfly." In response they complain about their lot and side with Harry. Alfred Slye also demands his fee of $100,000 by the end of the day or he will give them all up.
Harry: "A legal question. Say this boob marries that Cooper dame. How long until the will's settled and he gets the money?"
Alfred Slye: "Well, considering the current state of our courts, about eleven years."
Harry: "With the Dynamic Duo on our tail, we'll be lucky to last eleven hours!"
Then the ladies bagpipe Chandell and Alfred Slye.

Harry comes to Wayne Manor as Chandell to console Harriet: "they were enlarging a photograph of meeeee!" The Duo watch on the "Wayne Manor TV Circuit Closed" as Harry proposes, then asks her to sing with him before he leaves. After he does she shouts for Alfred: "I need a glass of blackberry brandy!"
Alfred: "This unprecedented request for strong spirits: is something amiss?"
Harriet: "That was not Chandell. There's an old saying: a girl can tell."

Cue Harriet "singing" backstage. (:36) RD wished she was deliberately singing badly. Harry tells her to take off her hat to sing better. Vince is stymied by the word "chapeau". Harriet takes off her hat - and pulls out her gun. "As they say in the movies, stick up your mitts!" He does so and the player piano continues on without him. He then tries to tell her that the bagpipers are behind her but she doesn't believe him. "You think I'll fall for that, you old chestnut?" RD think she was badly attempting to adlib. 

The women knock her out and put her in a chest. Harry has his own henchmen put it in a van as Alfred Slye watches. Then Harry pulls out a machine gun and just starts firing - but the Duo pop out with a Batshield. They had tracked her (and her "chauffeur" Alfred) in a planted radio in her handbag and had somehow managed to swap places during the transfer. Yes, without anyone noticing. Yes, while leaving her trunk just there on the side of the road. 

Batman: "Time to end this criminal symphony!" 

Cue a very quick fight where the folded up Batshield just vanishes. RD: "Well it folds up nicely." The women attempt to strike but with no effect.
Batman: "Poor deluded females!"
Women: "And you, nasty old man!"
This time he has Batgas of his own to knock them and Harry out, just as Chandell and Alfred Slye are about to be fed into the punching machine. 
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, maybe we don't know how to turn this machine off!"
Batman: "It is a thought, Robin. It's not much more than they deserve."
Robin: "A lawyer who mocks the law? And an artist who takes up a life of crime?" 

In Gordon's office he gives Harriet a "Citizen's Special Anti-Crime Award" for her action of holding a gun. (:44)
Harriet: "A person just does what he has to do. And that's what makes America great, isn't it?"
Gordon: "If only there were more like her!"
He has a note from Chandell breaking things off to leave on a "tour".
Gordon: "With good...performance, it will last about three years."
Said performance is in jail with everyone wearing pinstripes while Chandell plays The Prisoner's Song. 

Vince wonders if he can get the women "all at once".

  • For redheaded Doe, Vince didn't find her too attractive but gives her a "generous" 7 Batpoles. RD thought she was too masculine and had too much makeup but gave her 6.5. Marilyn Hanold of Queens was a Playmate of the Month and was in The Brain That Wouldn't Die. RD: "She was far more attractive in that, maybe because it was in black and white." She would marry an oil tycoon not long after the series and resides happily in Salt Lake City.
  • Brunette Rae is a "step up" for Vince to 7.5. RD gives her an 8. Edy Williams (from the aforementioned Salt Lake City) was known mostly for her work with Russ Meyer, and even being married to him for some time. The Co-Bros forget that she was also the hostess of Catwoman's restaurant-lair The Pink Sandbox
  • Blonde Mimi is Vince's "top of the food chain" at 8, like RD. Sivi Aberg was Miss Sweden 1964. While her credits are scant, it does include an uncredited appearance in Mel Brooks' Silent Movie.
  • Vince: "All these women that we've gone through thus far on this series; what percentage of them do you think, they thought this was their big break?"
    RD: "Oh, all of them." (Except Jill St. John.)
Vince enjoyed the story playing to the strength of Liberace's sincere flamboyancy. (:57) RD thought it was alright.

Next week is the return of the Penguin in a premise that is to be revisited in the Batman mythology. RD points his finger upwards. Vince: "Rectal exam?"


  • Special Guest Villain: Harry (Liberace)

  • SPEAKING OFs: 3. Clothespins, three, miniseries
  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Mask of the Phantom of the Opera
  • RD Time Outs: 
  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

Episode 53: Holy Fratricide!: August 14, 2022

The Devil's Fingers
October 26, 1966
"Chandell, the musical virtuoso, visits Gotham City for a piano concert. But unknown to the public, Chandell is being blackmailed into a life of crime by his twin brother Harry, who retains most of the profits. Chandell intends to buy off Harry forever, and he knows just where to get the funds - from the Wayne family fortune. With Batman and Robin out of town, he suspects the robbery will be a piece of cake. However, Batman has been listening to Chandell's concert remotely, and after detecting an anomalous chord, summons Robin back to Wayne Manor to investigate."
47 minutes

RD: Knows Nothing About Liberace. Mike Check would disapprove. However I will cut him some slack since he's doing this while lightly afflicted with Covid. Sadly he does not Penguin laugh, so perhaps he will need some slack back.

Also Sad News: Disco Inferno didn't know about Cheatum either.

Also Also: YouTube gave Vince a strike for "spam" for the actual name of Cheatum. RD: "You shouldn't have listened to me." Vince is awaiting their return to sort out the issue. RD: "They haven't kicked me off Vimeo yet."

:08 A "peaceful evening" at Stately Wayne Manor of a piano rehearsal has bra-ed Aunt Harriet talking to the pianist named Chandell, who compliments her "voice of a nightingale". Alfred being a man of culture of course gushes all about him. 

Vince tried to envision Liberace without his hairpiece.

Suddenly "a sexy trio of bagpipers" (RD) / "three female pied pipers" (Vince) enter the room. Chandell: "You fiendish figments of the imagination! What's the meaning of this?" They demand jewelry "due to your budding music...wheree'er you perform". They then knock them out with gas normal playing of their bagpipes.

Cut to - Stately Wayne Manor. The Undynamic Duo are questioning Harriet who fears when the Dynamic Duo will return. Bruce is with his hunting club while Dick is on school holiday. Gordon goes to call Batman through his office, not noticing Alfred answering from the study that he is unavailable.

Gordon: "Do you know what this means? The moment we've dreaded for years has arrived: this time... we're going to have to solve a case...ourselves." 

After the titles we cut to the Batcave where everything is covered while somber music plays. 

Cut to Gordon's office where he and O'Hara question Chandell on who would know what he was up to. (:17) He tells them it's in the society pages, which for sure neither "police officer" would ever read.
Chandell: "Now, are you going to call Batman, or do I have to call him myself... [he points to the Batphone] ...on that famous hotline I've read so much about?"
Instead O'Hara orders all the cops in the city to drop whatever they are doing to protect his concert, offending the musician to no end.
Chandell: "Good day sir...but will it be a good night?"
Gordon: "I'm frightened, Chief O'Hara. An echo haunts my ears. I wish I could hear the noblest, most inspiring words in the English language: "To the Batmobile Robin, let's go!""

Our lair is in the Parnassus Music Roll Company, where Chandell is in fact an "infamous criminal genius", with the trio - Doe, Rae, and Mimi - in silver outfits. He declares the initial infiltration of the Manor a success before Harry, his actual evil twin brother, comes in on a splitscreen. Harry is blackmailing his twin for 95% of the profits, but Chandell is willing to do one last job by stealing $5 million from Wayne. Liberace had not really acted before this (as anyone who had to sit through Sincerely Yours could tell you), but (like Elvis) he did have a stillborn twin. 

The police protection includes fingerprints, sandbags, and machine gun encampments around the venue. (:22)
Gordon: "There's a certain undefinable clumsiness to our procedures."
Alfred: "How very gauche, if I do say so!"

Also the trio are outside as impressive looking belly dancers.

Thankfully Bruce is not totally separated from the city he is sworn to protect. In what would definitely be in character for him today, he is able to listen in from his camping tent. He notices an oddly placed C-minor chord. He asks his chum to check on their muskrat traps.
Meanwhile Dick is at a soda shop getting lost in a young lady's eyes.
Dick: "Gee, Sal!"
Sally: "Gosh, Dick!"
Dick: "That about says everything, doesn't it?"
Sally: "Mmmhmmm."
His cockblock is his ringing book phone so he manages to get Sally away for a moment while he talks to Bruce on his fishing pole phone. Cue the saddest face Dick can muster as the Duo have to go do their job.

At the concert Gordon is informed that a Burmese import company was exploded as Chandell played a "Burmese number".
Gordon (pleading to the sky): "Batman, Batman where the devil are you in this hour of need?"

The Duo have returned to the Manor. Alfred is there by himself since Harriet is still at the concert. Or to be more specific, his dressing room.
Dick: "This isn't good. Chandell's a ladies' man!"
Bruce: "Really, Dick? I'm afraid some romantic interlude has fevered your imagination. Your Aunt Harriet is utterly above reproach."
Before they can descend the Batpoles they see the trio fleetingly outside the window. Bruce decides to go down after a moment without closing the curtains first.
Dick: "Holy apparition!"

Alfred: "Your deep excursion into the wilderness has sharpened your mind."
Bruce: "Gordon will be alertly marshaling all the forces of law and order."
Smash cut to Gordon with a desk full of drugs. The Batphone rings.
Gordon: "GASP! Batman! Batman! The answer to a policeman's prayers!"
He tells Bonnie to notify Chandell that the Duo are operational again.

Of course Chandell is not happy to hear it. He gives a smitten Aunt Harriet root beer and kisses her hand, almost making her sob (or wet somewhere else on the body).
Vince: The size of her caboose."
RD: "She's a large lady."
As soon as she leaves in ecstasy he rolls his eyes. He quickly consults Harry in the lair on what to do about the Duo. (:34) Harry decides to send for his own henchmen, the Piano Movers. 

Chandell hits himself with a bottle just before the Duo arrive.
Batman: "The poor devil, he's been assaulted with a root beer bottle!"
Robin: "Holy fratricide!"
He revives him with smelling salts.
Chandell: "Heavenly days, am I dreaming?"
Batman: "No, it's us in the flesh."
Chandell tells them this is Harry's doing, and gives them the lair's address with a zip code of 9999979. The code, besides being too long, also puts it on the western US, contrary to - again - Gotham City being traditionally in the east/New Jersey. 

The Duo find the "felonious phantoms" are already at the lair.
Batman: "From the looks in their eyes, I think they're victims of some kind of criminal hypnotism."
The Movers then appear, starting a "humorous" fight with their stunt doubles while the women try to distract them. Then Harry drops a giant roll of player piano music on their heads to knock them out.

Cue the stunt doubles tied onto conveyor belts.
RD: "It's in Adam West's contract, I think, that if he's going horizontal he has to have a lady with him. Otherwise it's a stunt double."
They're about to be fed into a cutting machine to be made into piano player music.
Harry: "Farewell, costumed clowns!"
He then puts a dime into the piano to start it up.
"And now: exit music for a pair of bats!"

Narrator: "How will this music end? Tune in tomorrow for the dire dreadful dirge!"

For some reason the Batmobile's start button was spinning in the credits instead of the logo. (:38)

RD is able to do more frequent things for the site instead of having to devote time and energy to a radio progrem with an unreliable co-host. One is about the Skyscrapers destroying the Ding Dongs. Another is about trivia from the WWF Magazine that Vince did not yet write about. 

RD: "Pen names are wonderful, says RD Reynolds."

  • Special Guest Villain: Harry (Liberace)

  • Screen Captures: 1. RD

Episode 52: Holy Marbles!: August 7, 2022

The Yegg Foes in Gotham
October 20, 1966
"When the lease payment for Gotham City fails to be made on time, possession of the city falls into the hands of Egghead. Chaos ensues as the villain fires Commissioner Gordon and bans the Dynamic Duo from city limits. While the criminal underworld enjoys free reign, Batman and Robin search the city charter's fine print for a solution."
54 minutes

RD: Not an Indian Giver. He was not booked to go to Starrcast. Vince: "Interesting." RD also didn't subject himself to Ric Flair's "last" match due to being soured by his other last match in TNA 12 years ago.  

A "yegg" is an old term for a burglar or safecracker, though no one knows where it originated from.

Gordon and O'Hara have "egg on their faces", as opposed to all the other weeks when they have egg on their faces as the Duo have to do "their weekly call". RD: "Is there really a point to the Gotham City Police Department at all?" Vince thinks it's more than just weekly. 

Vince remembers watching All In The Family when it first aired and it actually had a warning. He recently found and bought a matted poster of Archie Bunker for $8, but couldn't share it on social media for fear of backlash. RD jokes to replace one of the 200 self-portraits in his studio. 

Eggy looks pleased as punch as wacky sound effects and lights flash while he has Bruce in his contraption. He's so engaged with the spectacle he doesn't notice Dick...just get up and move a giant switch to step down the voltage. This of course reduces the operational capacity makes the whole thing blow up. 

Meanwhile Bruce confounds the parts of the machine that still work by...thinking of something else entirely. Eggy: "The man has a mind full of trivia, it's inconceivable that he could be Batman." This is something RD would do if he were in a similar situation by thinking about WrestleCrap. Although don't you need trivia or information to function as The World's Greatest Detective?

With a "how egg-xotic!" Eggy pulls out a radar egg. ""The slightest vibration will make it egg-splode!" he says while putting it in front of his mouth, allowing he and his goons to escape. The prisoners escape by jumping up a pole and shimmying, even the two other millionaires. 

Bruce sees his peers off, then rolls a grape like a marble to blow up the egg. "The age of 11, I was junior marbles champion of Gotham City."
Dick (in awe): "Even then."
I wonder what his parents thought of that accomp - oh. I wonder what Alfred thought of that accomplishment.

The Undyamic Duo are at the City Hall, appalled at the lateness by three minutes of the three millionaires. (:16)
Screaming Chicken: "You'd better believe it, buddy!...You no show up. Me now ownum Gotham City and all suburbs. That is the way the wigwam watusies."

The Mayor is at Gordon's office, explaining the deal is legal despite a kidnapping. 
Gordon: "There's no more law in Gotham City. We're all at his mercy."
RD: "Does this mean Gordon is unemployed?"
Instantly Eggy shows up to fire him.
Batman suggests to "just give him enough rope and let him be hoist by his own petard."
Eggy is the Chief's Chief Emissary and with control over the city. "Egg-spletives will get you nowhere, my cowled crimebuster!" He then fires the Mayor and Undynamic Duo, and egg-spels the Caped Incompetence from the city or they will be egg-secuted. 

The Co-Bros have trouble writing down all the Egg puns.

Batman: "We are witnessing a new low in community relations."

Cue the Duo leaving with the native Batman theme.
Robin: "This is the saddest day of my young life, Batman."
Batman: "What will be, will be."
Robin: "Goodbye Gotham City, you were my kind of town. "

At the Batcave Batman decides to steal the charter as their civilian selves to investigate it for any loopholes or fine print. RD wonders why they don't just use the Batcomputer. 

Cue Gotham City becoming post-apocalyptic overnight. The police are not allowed to arrest the goons on crime sprees on Commissioner Eggy's orders. One of the officers is played by Ben Alexander who was on Dragnet and manages to say a "just the facts, ma'am."

At Stately Wayne Manor they watch the Eleventh Hour News at 3 pm. The news anchor reports on the crimes of the day as goons rob him on camera. 

Bruce and Dick manage to get to the charter back at City Hall. Bruce just breaks the glass to steal it.
Eggy is at Gordon's desk thrilled at the theft knowing the Duo are "back" in town. "When we capture the caped crime crushers, we will remove their masks and egg-spose their faces to the public. Then they'll be out of business. [to the camera] I wonder who they are?" 

Vince remembers when KISS was first un-makeuped on MTV in 1983 and he saw Gene Simmons as "a fat Jewish guy" (his words at the time). He wonders if there is a point or reason then to unmask the Duo. RD is following the recent Harley Quinn series where Joker finds the whole thing ruined once he finds out who Batman is.   

The Duo leave out the back and run into O'Hara who asks for Batman. "Commissioner Egghead wants him shot on sight, so if you can point me in his direction so I can shoot him?" 

Sure enough back at the Batcave the charter fine prints that no one with a criminal background can claim the city. Bruce: "we've got that criminal by his large, grey, double A head!" They know that $30 million in taxes has been collected at the Treasury or "Egg-schequer", waiting for Eggy to claim it and/or await the Duo.  

Sure enough Eggy and goons are there happily counting the tax eggs-xempt cash and making it rain. (:32)
Only now does Screaming Chicken find out that they may not be on the level. "Me think you all crooks! Me go tell Mayor!"
Eggy: "You are the Mayor!"
Vince: (reading) "We get eggs-xalted chief and we get he wants to eggs-xpedite matters."
RD: "That was eggs-xcellent Mr. Russo."

The actual Mayor (Linseed) is with Gordon and O'Hara at his office complaining of his plight at Batman and Robin enter through the window to report their finding. RD wonders why they didn't just go directly and call while on the way.
Gordon: "Call them the Dynamic Duo. The Caped Crimefighters. The Foes of Felons. Call them what you will. But thank your lucky stars we can call them... [to the camera] ...our friends."

As the Duo rope climb down Robin doesn't think Batman is moving fast. Batman: "In good Batclimbing, as in good driving, we must never sacrifice safety for speed."

A Hispanic man pops his head out of the window. "Who may I ask are you two nice people climbing down the side of this building when the elevators are available?" He's on jury duty and asks them to leave behind the rope for a "hung jury".
RD doesn't know this one but Vince does, as comedian Bill Dana's character of José Jimenez. 

The Duo arrive too late at the Treasury, finding only the tied up Chief instead of any money. Eggy and goons are attempting to flee to "lay high" in Venezuela.
Batman: "I think you've been led down a primrose path."
Screaming Chicken: "My face is so red."
Even Vince shakes his head. 

Batman tells Robin to inform Gordon to block the city exits before they...return to the Batcave. Robin takes the opportunity to be proud of their fellow townsfolk for forgiving the Chief.
Batman: "Most people are good. Chief Screaming Chicken was wooed from the path of righteousness by some extravagant promises. It's a human failing that all of us are subject to at one time or another, but that is water over the embankment."
They determine through Eggy's diet of only grade triple A white eggs that he is stocking up at Old MacDonald's Chicken Farm. 

Eggy wants the owner "eggs-pressing your appreciation" despite not paying eggs-xorbitant prices for it. They plan to escape via the not eggs-punged severs.
Batman: "Just the right place for a rat like you!"
Robin: "The only place you will be going is up the river!" 

Cue egg fight. There is an unverified story that Price was to just throw one (1) egg at Ward, but due to some sort of dispute he instead threw dozens at him (and his stunt double). They are accompanied by Eggy's off key theme and a very bad version of Old MacDonald. A victorious Batman promises to compensate for the eggs "at the current market value" but no more. He's not a multimillionaire made out of money or anything.

Eggy: "Woe is me, my criminal career is now egg-stinct!"
Robin: "You're going to end up where all broken eggshells end up: in the garbage!"
Batman: "Miss Bacon, I'm puzzled why a girl of your obvious breeding, education, style, and class should become involved with someone like...Egghead."
Bacon: "I guess I'm just lucky, Batman. Is this the end of the book, Eggy-pooh?"
Eggy: "The end, period. I guess I laid an egg."

Vince finds it unfair that Miss Bacon was fully covered as "a strikingly handsome young woman" so he gives her 7 Batpoles. RD found her bland and "spectacularly unspectacular" but gave her 6.5. Actor Gail Hire only had one movie appearance before the role, and absolutely nothing thereafter. 

In Gordon's office he owes the Duo another debt for their work by helping round up the rest of the criminals. Robin: "The police of Gotham City are the best anywhere." Then the Duo just leave, ending the episode. 

As expected the Co-Bros greatly  enjoyed the story.

They then talk about the wrong episode of next week.

RD will now show Vince all about Cheatum for Patreon.

But first Vince has to run off to the bathroom.

  • Special Guest Villain: Egghead (Vincent Price)

  • Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Pull the lever, Dick.
  • Window Celebrity: 2. Ben Alexander, Bill Dana
  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Spectacularly unspectacular
  • Eggs: Hardboiled


Special Round - Man Called Cheatum: August 4, 2022

40 minutes

"I <3 Cheatum" (don't we all) is giddy in introducing Vince to some of WCW's finest theatrical productions featuring an evil one-eyed midget. Vince was at one of the matches (at Halloween Havoc 1992) but didn't remember watching the actual video or any material leading up to them. 

  • :03 First Medusa walks through a very dark set to enter a bar with a dry ice floor to Spin the Wheel Make the Deal (with Cheatum). Cue Jake Roberts arching his eyebrows.
  • In enters the man they call Sting. Vince thought it was Jeff Jarrett. 
  • He and Roberts trade words as the bar patrons look back and forth like a tennis match.
  • Vince: "This acting leaves a lot to be desired."
  • Sting: "You think I'm afraid of some wheel?"
  • He spins the wheel, then has it as a backdrop as he and Jake stand still and face to face, allowing the production "crew" to draw electrical wires/lightning bolts/laser beams from their eyes before an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Halloween Havoc 1992 will be on Sunday October 25th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Of course Vince thinks it's tremendous, but it wouldn't have caused him to go to the match just by itself.
  • Vince does not know how to mute his Discord notification alerts. (For the record, it's in User Settings - Notifications.)
  • :10 Next is the White Castle of Fear (not sliders). Sting gets into a tiny helicopter. While over stock footage of the Rocky Mountains he has visions of Big Van Vader standing in front of a wind machine blowing snow from the side. 
  • Sting: "Could this be some sort of trap?"
  • He checks the rolled up parchment that Vader wrote his invitation on for some reason. RD: "I really need one of those on the wall."
  • Vince: "These are gems, bro!"
  • Sting enters an extravagant set where people loaf around eating amidst dry ice fog.
  • Vader breaks a mirror by shouting and shadow boxing at it, then enters with a laughing Harley Race to trade their own words while Cheatum keeps asking to Play the Game Play the Game.
  • The two combatants then tug of war with a strap (is that the Game to Play?) over an open fire. The strap dramatically snaps as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • The reel reminds you that Superbrawl III will be on Sunday February 21st and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince can't believe he never learned or was clued in about them during his tenure in the company.
  • :16 Finally there is the one for Beach Blast 1993 on WCW Saturday Night (June 19th), the piece that made RD fully want to start WrestleCrap, for good or bad. Nominally it's to be for a tag team match of Sting and Davey Boy Smith vs. "The Masters of the Powerbomb" Vader and Sid Vicious (with Race and Colonel Robert Parker).
  • "Somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico" Sid stands confused with the rest of the heel contingent. They point to an "island" where Sting and Smith are playing beach volleyball with some random people (or "orphans" as they call them for some reason).
  • Sting expresses his joy in scoring a point by letting out a tiny "woooo." I think Ric Flair would have a word or two on that.
  • The heels all laugh manically as they discuss their plans.
  • Cue Cheatum snorkeling right next to the beach with a shark fin and carrying a water cooler as someone attempts the expected music on a synthesizer: "My name is JAWS! Now you girls get on outta here!" 
  • He then puts an alarm clock "bomb" on a speedboat.
  • The "orphans" say some lines woodenly as the heels arrive on one of those amphibious landing craft.
  • Sid shows off the flip-flops he's wearing with the rest of his wrestling outfit.
  • Cue some more howlers from the wrestlers as an attempt at a western showdown is played on the synthesizer. When they get up close another randomly strums on a guitar. 
  • Parker offers the faces "two tickets to the retirement haven of your choice". Sting considers it as he repeats the stats of their opponents. 
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" looking sad.
  • The faces decide to go on with the match anyway.
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay".
  • The heels make more threats and laughter. 
  • The faces decide to continue their volleyball anyway.
  • The two girls tell Sting of "a funny guy hanging around the boat". Then they tell Smith of "a guy hanging around the boat going click-click-click."
  • Smith rushes to the speedboat and pushes the two off just as an explosion is superimposed over the shot.
  • Cue "orphans" looking sad.
  • The two then spring up from the water arms raised.
  • Cue group shot of the "orphans" saying "yay". Again.
  • The reel reminds you that Beach Blast will be on Sunday July 18th and it is in fact only on live pay-per-view.
  • Vince thought it was "very early 90-ish" but thought if it was the work of Bischoff and actual writers at Turner, then it was ahead of his time. RD can agree although he's not sure if he would include Cheatum or such heel plans. Vince would reenact it though, including with Cheatum.
  • :30 In turn Vince has Ultimate Warrior being...selectively edited during a shoot interview. It's still more legible than any public promo or speech. Vince would play it before every creative meeting as an energizing icebreaker (outside WWF). 
  • Vince loved the old Mr. Fuji and Muraco sketches, especially Fuji Vice. 
  • RD thinks AEW's reels and skits are greatly influenced from such vignettes, even if sometimes in parody (the sincerest form of flattery). (:35) The originals were campy but unintentionally went to downright hilarity. Vince is of course reminded of Batman. (Holy Shark Fin!)
  • RD still has yet to find Cheatum in any way shape or form, serious or otherwise. 
  • Vince plans to have some of the clips on a new show he will do with Disco Inferno.
  • Next up for Vince: AWA's private show for Kellogg's.