Minisode #149 Mutant Chicken

by iggy



June 26, 2009

Candice Michelle released
Angry Jim hates Kentucky Grilled Chicken
Blade threatens to paint
John Thomas calls for Mike the Czech
Mike Check visits a fireworks factory
St. Elmo's fire

#KBNG #new horizon

149 Not with a bang but a whimper: June 26, 2009

76 minutes

Sad News: Candice Michelle and Sim Snuka Jr. have been released. Blade, obviously drunk from the news, makes fun of Sim's name and wants to gag Candice. He searches for her online rather than do his Co-Fruitcake job on this radio progrem. Once again RD thinks Blade is making things up. Mention of the good old Clocktrolla makes the Co-Fruitcakes wonder on repeating the same jokes. (:07)

Meanwhile the Curse is having its damn fool effect killing off Ed McMahon, while Walter Cronkite is close to being no longer with us thanks to these two. Blade wants the Tranny to be on the show, RD wants Vince Russo to return. There's also the "big celebration" of Mike Check trying to break TNA record, but RD is still angry at the bumper sticker selling (:11) They wonder if Greg had sex with Mike Check's daughter, most likely in his brothel too.

Blade took a TRIP to the convenience store (:14) and spends his time trying out some more Doritos flavors. In other words nothing happens for 10 minutes on a show with "wrestling news like no place else".

Jim Ross calls in after this taste test to bitch and moan some more. (:24) He's angry at shilling Kentucky Grilled Chicken at RAW, and he tells his 'story' of meeting Colonel Sanders and thinking him a Grand Wizard of the KKK. But even more bizarre is his random reference to former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, making RD crack up even as he continues to mention Michael Cole's "fag house". Is that what Gorbachev nicknames his house? (In Russian, no doubt.)

From there the two call Sir Alec (:31) who's strangely enough suddenly in mainland America somewhere. (Well, he's 'normally up Blade's street', so in this case somewhere apart from that.) He's unusually evasive this week, making strange noises with the help of RD's computer as he leaves without telling a story. Gee, it's almost like he's hiding something...

To some Obscure News now, the Warrior is now an Ultimate Knife Painter. (:35) The Co-Fruitcakes look at his works at http://www.warriorgallery.com, which mostly look to be Greg Valentine dressed up as a native American. Blade, now drunk enough to be randomly pressing buttons on his phone, feels moved enough to paint a picture of Candice Michelle to auction for some money. He should paint one of Stubby and have him sign it.

As RD brings up the terrible thought of Linda Hogan being RAW GM at :44 and possibly giving Vince ideas, the Hulk is trying to stop paying alimony to his wife by trying to make it so that the money is being used for drugs. Hmmm, I guess he's actually the one taking those drugs and coming up with that stupid idea.

The phone rings again, but this time it's none other than good old John Thomas. (:46) After being fired from his former job thanks to Chris Hansen, he's now calling on behalf of DBR Services for "Mike The Czech." Aha, so that explains it! He's secretly Keyser Soze! The closest he found of him before was some random abortion clinic, which brings up so many wrong things I'll just skip it and go on ahead with the rest of the episode.

Like this week's Question for example. (:53) Mike N. (Nesmith?) tries to summon Paul Christy to the show, but unfortunately he's on vacation with the woman sexual Triple Kelly and can't attend.

And now to our live remote with Mike Check (:56), at a fireworks factory celebrating his tie for that damn TNA record.

Sigh.

At this point this Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular is a real clusterfuck of a Tour. The only things he did was attend some Star Wars convention, go to some gun show, and fly a helicopter. Peter Gazer was more active than him, hell, Stubby did more than him! Blade shares my anger too, he's still pissed at the veteran DJ for some reason. Mike circumvents this by failing to pretend he doesn't know John Thomas of DBR Services, instead remembering his days at KBNG "The Big Kabang" in Cheyanne Wyoming, where he was known as Roman Candle and did a show with "The Sparklers".

He then chooses to smoke a cigar given to him from a certain British chap.

Apparently he failed to notice it was from the ACME company, or that you shouldn't smoke in a goddamn motherfucking fireworks factory. Remind me again what he's doing here? A expected the place goes up in a big explosion, kinda like this show. To further expand the truthiness of the radio progrem, in less than one minute after the whole thing goes kaboom, some random fire marshal comes on the phone at the facility (which is still working and not charred and melted from the flames), speaks incoherently, and then just leaves.

At this point I'm looking at the Hornswaggle as Vince's son angle and thinking how realistic it was.

In any case, RD plays John Parr's St. Elmo's Fire as he knew Mike would if he were still with us.(And trust me, he is. He'll probably appear perched on the top of MegaTrolla surprising the Fruitcakes.)

Whatever, let us continue. An hour after Candice blogs some truthfully nice and thankful words to those in the company she is leaving from, WWE removes the blog and any mention of her from their site. (:67) Jeez, it's like she's part of the Iranian protests going on right now or something. Also, was she released for being too fat? Blade doesn't care however, he wants to eat something while having sex with her. If I were him I'd eat an In-N-Out Burger while doing the deed. People are still upset that Donald Trump doesn't own the WWE anymore. Blade wants to interact with RD's pre-taped segments on the show one day and see how it goes. But he's still sad over the Candice firing.

Seventeen Inches:
Candice got released.
This week at Trolla's website:
Clocktrollas half-off.

RD: "You know, I really thought the last five syllables of this week's haiku -  I didn't know how you were gonna do it -  but I really thought the last five syllables were going to be: Mikhail Gorbachev."

WrestleCrap Radio Outtakes: June 19, 2009

19 minutes

Blade is probably drunk/hungover/passed out and unable to do an episode for the second time in three weeks, so instead RD 'entertains' us with some outtakes of this radio progrem. (Outtakes? On this show? You don't say!)

Oddly enough those 'outtakes' consist of only two of them done very recently. The first is some of Blade's comical flubs with his song to Mickie James from the week prior.

The second concerns Mike Check doing his Mr. Belvedere impression. The earlier script had called for him to be Mr. French from Family Affair instead, a show so obscure that not even Blade knew about it! (And he keeps an almanac of 70s shows at his residence next to Stubby no doubt.) After RD thinks that Triple Kelly is secretly Mae Young he shows his Co-Hosss Mr. French in action on YouTube, the highlight of which has two grown men apparently creaming themselves.

Hopefully next week will see the full culmination of the Mike Check story arc - preferably with him dying in a comical fashion at the last minute. Oh I can hardly wait. (/sarcasm) Until then.

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 7: "Father's Day"

"Father's Day"
Written by JenLea
As narrated by Sir Alec Heineken

Growing up, Adam Copeland never got to experience Father's Day. It was torture, in grade school, watching his friends and classmates make Father's Day presents. Now, Father's Day was here once more and Adam finally had a reason to celebrate.

Adam awoke to the furious wails of an infant. Struggling to sit up, he remembered two things.

He remembered it was Father's Day and he was a father.

A week prior, his wife, Amy had given birth to a baby girl. Nine pounds, three ounces with her mother's fiery red hair, Emerson Bernadette Copeland had already stolen her father's heart.

"Morning," Adam murmured, feeling his wife sink into bed. Rolling over, he watched in silent awe, as Amy began to nurse Emerson. Amy giggled. "Why are you laughing?"

"Emmy's tickling me!" she laughed, mid-yawn.

Emerson had Amy's hazel eyes. She had Adam's facial structure. All in all, she was a beautiful baby.

"Do you know what today is?" Amy asked, placing a firmer grip on the baby.

"Father's Day, the first of many as a family," Adam said, watching Emerson suckle hungrily. "You are so beautiful."

"Who?" Amy asked, the fuzzy flannel of the baby's pajamas tickling her delicate fingertips. "Both of you," Adam murmured.

"I look terrible! My hair's a mess, I can't get the hang of breast-feeding. The baby's supposed to increase laundry, not Mommy who can't control her flow of breast milk or the hang of using pads!" Amy burst into tears.

Adam would never admit how beautiful he found her to be. For one thing, she wouldn't believe him. Then, she would proceed to list all her flaws. He wished she could see how beautiful she truly was.

"Ames, don't say that! You're gorgeous, especially when you're breastfeeding! You look so angelic, so content when you nourish her," Adam said, gently wiping her tears away. "There's a solution to every problem you listed."

"Like?" Amy asked, burping the baby. After the baby belched, she switched breasts.

"For the flow problems, use breast pads. For the pad problems, learn how to use them double up," he said, sighing. Then, he removed his shirt. Removing a white gauze bandage from his shoulder blade, he turned to reveal a tattoo.

She gasped, seeing it. Tears filled her eyes.

The tattoo was of Emerson's hand print. In black capital lettering, it read: DADDY'S PRINCESS. In normal black lettering, it said: Emerson Bernadette 5/27/07.

"My God!" Amy exclaimed, grinning. "I love it!"

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Dad," she murmured, blinking sleepily. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Babe," he whispered happily.

He could finally enjoy Father's Day.

The End.

Minisode #148 Mike Check in a Helicopter

by iggy



June 12, 2009

Vickie Guerrero and GMs
Sir Alec's story about Father's Day
Blade sings Teardrops on My Centaur
Happy Days interactive
Mike Check in a helicopter

#stalk of bananas #partycopter

148 Pretty High for a Flight Guy: June 12, 2009

71 minutes

WCR mainstrays Umaga and Vicki Guerrero have left WWE, to the confused sadness of the Co-Fruitcakes. Blade admits he enjoyed her, and tries his best to remind us the year is not 1987. Unfortunately the show feels more 1977. RD doesn't want more wrestling GMs (:04), which I have to agree with, in a spectacle where people violently throw themselves at each other it makes no sense to me. ibetthatsnottaken.com IS taken [by mysterious "loyal crapper" Travis]. Angry Marks once more has new ad copy.

Sad News: Blade is sober this week. (:10) He has to cancel a showing on the 20th but he may make an appearance at Mantaur's show at the 26th. RD finds the Happy Days Theme for happy music. Speaking of shows that jumped the shark...

RD took a TRIP after what seemed like forever (:17) and bought Burger Kings onion rings at the grocery. After some random digression (on THIS show?) he tries them, and doesn't like them much. More trashbagging references. Blade needs an online dictionary for new listeners (or replacements of those listeners for that matter.) [He started a thread about it six weeks later. --Iggy]

Mike Check comes on on his live remote. (:25) This time he's at a Cedar Rapids air show in the WWCR Party helicopter, telling them that his student Walter Cronkite is angry on being believed dead, or known to be sick for that matter. (Also Mike worked with a Jack Off once.) While he bemoans that he wanted the dirigible to be the transport of the future his flying steed has an 'accident' and his link goes silent. RD expects him to return, now wise to his game.

Speaking of returns, Sir Alec finally has a Fan Fiction story to tell (:32) but not before he confuses the date of Father's Day and talks about using his tool wisely. This week, Adam Copeland experiences Father's Day with wife Amy Dumas. A smash hit yet again!

Finally Obscure Wrestling News, 42 minutes in. At long last King Haku has come with Crown as illustrated. Trash Losagain had a Wrestling Graveyard during Halloween. Sad News: A Slim Jim factory explodes on the day of the release of the Randy Savage DVD. The two discuss it a bit.

Question of the Week: (:51) The People's Regulator (Metamucil?) asks about Vince's ass. Blade remembers Pat Patterson groping Miss Elizabeth at Wrestlemania.


Mike calls, having teleported safely from the crashed helicopter. (:55) AGAIN he's not at the hospital (they have hospitals in America right?) instead reminiscing about his Air Traffic Controlling days in Chicago as Henry Hawkeye, although he wanted to be Henry Hummingbird, having orgasms on the radio. His song is hard to hear over the 'crowd hubbub'. Also, Whacker Bumper Stickers now available! This flusters RD for some reason. Unfortunately he doesn't mention his own hummingbird on Twitter. Lazy RD - I mean, lazy Mike. RD wants to find out how the DJ managed to infiltrate the site and get his own PayPal account. ANYWAY, Batista is injured. (:66)

Blade serenades for Mickie James for her new singing career.