Minisode #178 Me Scrooble Now

by iggy



June 25, 2010

Sheriff Dickwell gets his man.
Kinder Surprise commercial
C.S. Irwn debuts.
Mike Check calls from Folsom.
Maryse Haiku

#30 children #aggressively horny

Random Thoughts from the Office: June 25, 2010

A very interesting week around the Australian offices of Clarence Mason, Attorney at Law this week. A new Prime Minister, the drama of the World Cup....

This is the game that doesn't end
Yes it goes on and on my friend
Some people started playing it not knowing what it was
And they'll continue playing it forever just because


Thanks Vyse

You're probably wondering why I'm bringing all that up and not actually talking about wrestling. To which I'd answer: if you're looking for wrestling on a site about Wrestlecrap Radio you've come to the wrong place, but please stay and have fun. Secondly it does raise a point that got me thinking this week.

Is it me or has a lot of the drama gone from wrestling? I mean, I hate to sound like one of the "Grumpy Old Schoolers" but it seems to me like a lot of wrestling nowadays is very lacking in the drama portion. Not that there haven't been dramatic moments. The NXT invasion, the perfectly done buildup to Undertaker-Shawn Michaels II, even the way TNA used AJ Styles before he won the title at No Surrender last year. There have been moments, but on the whole wrestling just seems to be lacking that one aspect that was so crucial in the mid to late 90's and even before that.

Think back to Wrestlemania III, Hogan vs Andre, the whole ripping off of the cross on Piper's Pit, Andre eliminating Hogan from the Battle Royal on Saturday Night's Main Event, it was all built to make it look and feel like Hulk Hogan didn't have a prayer in the world of beating Andre the Giant. And of course the rest is history, the ultimate case of Booking 101: make a situation where it seems like the babyface has no chance and get the fans behind him and it will make his ultimate victory, because this is wrestling and Good MUST triumph over Evil in the end, all the sweeter.

That's what killed WCW. Yes I know as well Vince Russo's ineptitude but I maintain he merely quickened the demise. The real cause of death started when the nWo angle began and specifically Starrcade 1997. The one chance to get the babyfaces' ultimate payoff, Sting was finally going to defeat Hollywood Hogan and bury the nWo once and for all...but being WCW they blew it. Whether through bad luck or bad booking, there was no big payoff for the fans who'd invested their time and the cracks would soon appear.

A lot of that was due to what the WWE was doing at the time with Austin vs McMahon. The common man, everyday, beer drinking, ass kicking redneck Stone Cold against the epitome of Corporate America Mr. McMahon. It was the story that carried the WWE right through the Attitude Era, a storyline that lasted just as long as the nWo in WCW, if not LONGER. Yet people never really complain about Austin vs McMahon whereas the nWo angle is pointed to as one of the key factors in WCW's Rise AND Fall. Why is that? How can two wrestling angles run side by side for so long and yet have such different opinions of them at the end? Because of Booking 101: Austin got his revenge, he triumphed over the insurmountable odds each and every time, which would infuriate Mr. McMahon and as such he'd make the obstacles higher. And sure, Austin fell a couple of times, lost when everyone believed he would do it again, but that just drew the fans in more.

Compare that to the nWo. Looking back in my memory at least, it's tough to remember one time the babyfaces actually got their revenge on them. The nWo ran roughshod over the whole organization for years and the ONE guy who the fans wanted to see destroy the nWo singlehandedly, their Stone Cold if you will, Goldberg, was pretty much kept away from them in the semi-main event.

It's a key mantra often in the wrestling business: if you can make fans suspend their disbelief and become emotionally involved in a storyline you can laugh all the way to the bank. Look at today by comparison, and for this I'll bring up Michaels-Undertaker again, a rematch of quite possibly the greatest Wrestlemania match ever yes but a rematch nonetheless. There really shouldn't have been such rabid fan interest in the match, but because of the way the WWE built it, the chase of Shawn to get the match, the way Taker played it off when he finally didn't see a choice, the way the WWE made some of the best video packages ever to build it... While most people I'm sure deep down knew that Taker's streak wasn't going to be broken, at the same time they couldn't see Shawn retiring. The result? Suspension of disbelief. Shawn in the eyes suddenly went from no chance to an equal chance. And it made for that pretty much equalled what happened last year, a feat no one believed could happen.

The problem is of course that is but a flash in the pan and most storylines in WWE and TNA are very predictable nowadays, so there's no real chance for attachment. So what's the solution? For WWE I'm not sure there is one, plus they've proven they can still do it when they need to.

TNA on the other hand may have a solution, if the rumors are true. By limiting the number of Pay Per Views and using Impact and 3 hour Spike TV Specials to build storylines into an epic saga, they have a chance to hook a lot of the wrestling audience by building big storylines. They can do it, the Main Event Mafia storyline of last year proves that, and with the minds of Bischoff, Hogan and Russo they have a good chance to actually make it happen. It will take something that Hogan and Bischoff haven't shown a lot of yet though: patience. TNA is not going to become an overnight success, the wrestling world is too far gone for that. However, by setting the groundwork now, in three to five years we may see TNA finally become what everyone deep down wants them to be, a real competitor for the WWE.

I mean if RD and Blade can get people hanging out for the reveal of "John Smith" then it can't be that hard for TNA right?

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

178 Mike Check At Folsom Prison: June 25, 2010

80 minutes

Blade has found a new TNA guy, who seems to be some cop or other, in order to return a 'respectable segment on the show...the spot to go to for TNA news'. Thankfully before he can make more astounding predictions (Mrs. Deal! Get the Amazing Criswell on the Seance-Trolla!) the Sheriff calls. (:05) He says what everyone already knows; John Smith IS Mike Check. The Sheriff goes through his many aliases, as RD chuckles at all the fancy names he had given him over the past year. He was some sort of felon with over 30 illegitimate children around (in each market?), and owned a million dollars in back payments to John Thomas and his DBR Dead Beat Recovery Program.

Blade: "Mike Check likes to fuck."

They discuss him.

RD: "What Mike Check segment lasted only fifteen minutes?"

And he must be Catholic too if he doesn't believe in protection. (Ooooh, low blow!) No wonder he liked working on "The Whacker". RD still can't read the Angry Marks ad copy so Lord Alfred shills for Sugar Daddy instead. The Roast is 'expected' to arrive July 4. So wait for it to arrive in August.

OHHH GROBBLEY!
:26 Blade wants to dissuade RD forever from Kinder Surprises so he finds some 80's German commercial with Humpty Dumpty speaking in Jawaese. Comment reading follows.

:32 Lisa Marie Varron/Victoria calls everyone cute, much to Blade's chagrin. Even worse, she was robbed at ComicCon. RD thinks he could steal from her too, distracting her through some name spelling.

Lillian Garcia had one hour meet and greet at her hotel...two weeks prior. Shouldn't this be in Current News where it belongs? There's confusion over whether she owns her Philadelphia hotel like a Monopoly property. She's also ripping off people by charging them to sign their extra stuff. RD wants her to sign his ass.

Sad News: Ivan Koloff is not Facebook friends with Blade anymore. Believe me, that place is a dump, I just add random people on there. Why Blade doesn't ask him why he did that is left unexplained. But he is cheered up by Mickie James randomly saying something to him and the Midnight Rose. She was also at a Celebrity Fishing Tournament with Roland Martin, who once had a lead in show to WCW. Blade thankfully does not take the obvious route and make fish correlations to vaginas.

:51 RD skips the Question to get to the new TNA guy - Blade Braxton as Damien Demento as Solid Snake Caruso Steven Irwin. AKA THIS guy:


(And no, he doesn't normally walk around in Imperium Power Armour. This was the only funny but not cliche looking image I could find on short notice.)

Blade, for his part, cements the role by breaking kayfabe by breaking into laughter just seconds in. Come now. How would Laurence Meatbourne and Gary Sinus and Mark Harmony and William Petergazer think of your professionalism? There's something about TNA Knockouts not being paid very well, so David here has to go investigate it. I guess the dead corpse in this episode/case/mystery/random combination of minutes of audio is the TNA company. RD is speechless the whole time. I guess he wanted to say something...



but he wasn't aloud.




YEEEEAAHHHHHH...



Sorry about that.

The phone rings (:57) Why, it's Mike Check's one phone call from Folsom State Prison! The last time he was there he was at their local market WFOL "The Fol" as Freddy Lamb Chop, and together with Mindy "Jelly" Roll hosted some show called Mint Jelly On The Lamb. It didn't last long. Blade calls him on his crimes, and his bumper stickers (that are still available!) Mike doesn't go the obvious route by playing Johnny Cash, but he does play a related Merle Haggard song. (Mama Tried)

:69  Chris Jericho is hosting a game show on ABC called Downfall that apparently involves dropping people off a very tall building. Unless Hulk Hogan also throws people off I don't see the show lasting a full season. [As someone who saw the show I'm shocked it lasted one episode. I see a Game Show Garbage induction in its future - "Showstealer"] Is Dave Batista going to MMA? (I hope his constant fucking in the business doesn't hamper his skills at the ripe old age of the mid 40's.) Blade finds Ken Patera's McDonald's.

Seventeen Syllables on Maryse's wardrobe malfuction
Maryse malfunction.
I am certain that we all
saw her meat curtain.

RD: "That would be a curtain call you'd like to make."

Minisode #177 Post-Roast Indigestion

by iggy



June 17, 2010

Stewart Patrick is no more.
Blade is on location, inside a well.
Disney: Star Wars

#centipede bite #work or shoot

Random Thoughts from the Office: June 18, 2010

Wow, what a quiet couple of weeks in wrestling, I guess they must have died down to watch the World Cup or something (Although some of those matches makes me think Vince Russo is booking it, the US tying the game on one of the biggest howlers ever, Spain losing, France's soccer team being as limp as their army). Not a whole lot to talk really so I guess I'll get back to...

YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN ME!


Daniel(son) Bryan - Raw June 7, 2010

Oh right.....that.

Yes the IWC has lost its fucking mind again as Bryan Danielson is shown the door for choking ring announcer Justin Roberts with a tie to appease their corporate masters. The big discussion early was: work or shoot? I think we all pretty much know now that it is a reality that Danielson is at least gone for a while, which is actually as understandable as it is stupid. I mean call me weird but if I have the choice of being "choked" with a tie or put in the trunk of a car which is then deliberately crashed into other vehicles...I think I'd take the tie.

A lot of people say this is a sad indictment of the PG push for WWE at the moment but actually I don't think that's it at all. WWE's problem in this case isn't the fact they're marketing more towards kids again, it's the fact that they are a public company. This means having to answer to shareholders who might not take it too well if you stand up to a multi-million dollar sponsor just to save one wrestler, even if he may be one of the top five in the world. So in reality with the current climate, The WWE's hands were tied and it has already hurt the NXT Invasion angle.

I'm only speculating about this, but I think that Danielson was going to be the workhorse of the angle, putting on the great matches while the others found their feet because the only other two guys who are even close to ready for the WWE spotlight are the eventual winner and "Leader" of the NXT group Wade Barrett and Justin Gabriel, who's an 11 year pro himself. The rest have pieces that make them work. David Otunga has some charisma, Heath Slater's passable, Michael Tarver......has something I'm sure, I just haven't figured out WHAT yet. To put these guys in matches on Monday Night Raw, your flagship show is only going to expose how green these guys really are, and yet the need for new superstars is greater than ever now for the WWE as they're in desperate need of them due to a giant hole that they themselves have created.

A lot of people who go to the Wrestlecrap forums recently may have noticed that I don't post much nowadays in the WWE forum, mostly sticking to TNA or (w)Rest of Wrestling. People who come here may also wonder why I haven't really bashed WWE a lot since I joined the wrestlecrapradio.com family and that's for a pretty simple reason. With TNA for me, while a lot of what I see on Impact pisses me off and gives me a chance to either go on the Wrestlecrap forums or here and vent my disgust at them at least there's some sort of emotion there. I'll give TNA credit where it's due, you never have many dull moments watching Impact. There's always going to be something that either excites or infuriates you and that is good because it does make you want to tune in again and see if they can either maintain or improve, depending on what side of the fence you're on.

Compare this to WWE.The reason why I haven't said much about them here or on the forums recently: It's just plain boring. There's nothing inherently WRONG with the WWE product at the moment but at the same time there's nothing inherently RIGHT about the product either; it's just dull. Most RAWs since Wrestlemania and even a few before then, I find myself spending more time watching the clock wondering if this show will ever end instead of actually paying attention to the matches. There's nothing to grab you and say "Pay Attention. This is something you need to see!"

That's why the NXT Invasion two weeks ago was so universally loved, it was something DIFFERENT, it was something exciting, it was something that made you want to tune into Raw this week and see just what these guys were going to do next. I mean not since the days of the nWo have you seen guys destroy the ring, destroy the announcers and destroy faces and heels alike. Suspension of disbelief is still the paramount thing in wrestling; if you can make the most jaded online cynics go "That shit was not meant to happen" you can start lighting your cigars with $100 bills.

Turn that to this week and the whole "Kidnap the GM, crash into cars with him in the trunk, give him a deadline" deal. The WWE had something and whether it was bad luck through the forced release of Danielson or just plain bad writing, they blew it. It felt like just another WWE angle. The rookies got their comeuppance, got beat up by big threats like Santino Marella (please note the sarcasm) and took off with their tail between their legs, then attacked an virtual invalid (No offense to Bret but that is what he is nowadays).

The major problem with the WWE product is until very recently they didn't make new stars. The guys who were main eventing in 2006 are still main eventing now, long after their shelf life as a draw has expired. John Cena is still a viable figurehead of a company, Undertaker will forever be over just based on longevity, Hunter gets heat because he's Hunter, but what about the others? Edge's best days only netted him transitional runs with the titles and those days are long gone. EVERYONE got sick of Randy Orton long ago and I'm sorry, he can't work babyface yet because he was a "name" and he's still well up the card. Do I even need to discuss guys like Jericho and Punk and their criminal misuse? Then you have Mysterio and Big Show, who are pushed because of their size, Rey being an underdog, Show cause he's fat.

Now you look at the landscape and you see the problem. Taker and Hunter are injured, Randy and Rey are barely going, Edge is still feeling his way back from his injury and Shawn Michaels and Batista are gone. A lot of people have been negative on the Sheamus and Jack Swagger title reigns and pushes but at least the WWE are now trying to create new talent, something they have to do to keep what they have and to try and gain interest. Swagger's been pretty much a joke as champion but Sheamus has gotten now to a point where he could be the next star, the title run he had set that up and then putting Hunter on the shelf sealed it. Add in guys like The Miz, R-Truth and Wade Barrett and the nucleus is there for the WWE.

Which brings me to a quick final thought for this column. The next breakout star could be someone you don't expect and its actually because the WWE have done something smart for a change; whether it will work or not is another thing but it's something they have to try.

The man? Dolph Ziggler. It's because they appear to be matching him up with one of the top heat magnets in the company, Vicki Guerrero. If Vicki can even get some of her heat to transfer to Ziggler, the WWE has another card in the deck they can call upon and it's something they haven't done enough. Maybe that has to do with the failure of Eric Escobar but there's also no point having someone sitting there with that much heat and to only use them as a pseudo GM where its not going to help your main assets, the wrestlers, get over.

Ziggler has one key thing Escobar didn't, charisma and that may just help him in getting some heat himself as well as getting the heat he'll get just by hanging around Vicki. And if he does that he can't help but get over and become a breakout star

Put it this way, he's got a better shot than Drew McIntyre at this point.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

177 Choke-Job: June 17, 2010

61 minutes
((( recorded in one-half low phone-buzzing fidelity )))

Sad News: the "demise" of Patrick Stewart at the Roast. (Even worse, Blade's sound quality while being outside on the job, no Mike Check-style live remotes sadly.) He probably pretended to die to sneak back to London to accept his knighthood. It's just another teaser for the upcoming DVD.

A first: Blade avoids telling a Don Mason story about him getting stung by a caterpillar. Rambling discussion over his sound quality.

Even more Sad News: Mike Check has formally come out of hiding from playing dead at the Roast. RD can't read the Angry Marks ad copy no more, not even as Jeff Foxworthy. Lord Alfred shills from beyond the grave. RD resists the urge to answer the telephone even as Blade wants to fuck a DVD.

:12 RD's TRIP to some Star Wars convention in Florida to meet random actors and actresses. No Jake Lloyd Jr. though. RD Junior judo chops Ray Park. RD does not understand the term 'cosplay'. Blade eats Doritos' Mr. Dragon Fire Chips from the base of Mt. Fuji, his opinion of them is unfavorable. Their caller attempts again to ring in.

:32 The Midnight Rose will wrestle once more with Jerry Lynn on July 9th somewhere. Stacy Carter is engaged to Kizarny. Obscure Diva Blade wants to be with: Scott Steiner's woman. RD meanwhile likes Velvet Mcintyre. Trish Stratus is not naked after all, but really, who cares what she does? (Don't answer that.)

Dream Analraping: Mickie James' parents did not like Blade's bandana for some reason. I have no idea of half of what Blade is saying.

Jackie Gayda has once again given birth, congratulations to her, while her husband continues to try and get a profit from her. (To be mean for a moment, she produces children better than she produces wrestling matches.)

:45 Question: Paul searches for the mythical McDonald's that Ken Patera once 'interior designed'. Blade has a few places of his own that he wants to visit in his spare time.

:49 It is Blade's turn to find another TNA guy, a 'comedian' this time around, "hopefully" by the next vernal equinox. They're running out of viable 'comedic' stereotypes/impressions/voices at this point.

:51 Carol Brady will RAW guest host. More discussion on whether old TV stars are still alive or not. Blade: "We basically talked about nothing about wrestling at all." Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson has been future endeavored.

Seventeen Syllables of Wrestling News
Bryan Danielson.
Work or shoot, they ask again?
Shoot, he needs work now.

RD finally relents and picks up the Sheriff on the line who teases us for next week...What is this, a Doctor Who serial? Will we find out he shot JR too? [Are you sure you're not related to Mike Check? - "Showstealer"] [Depends, did he work in the Dallas market at one point? He MUST have been Harvey Lee while working in the 60s.]

Random Thoughts from the Office: June 8, 2010

In honor of the 72 second PSA this week. An ultra short edition of my thoughts.

Taker's now in a vegetative state.
The lesson to be learnt?
Even Phenoms think Smackdown has sucked lately.

Bring on the World Cup

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

[Bah, that's not 17 syllables! - PB]

[Do you have enough orange juice? - Iggy]

[There's orange juice here now? And 17 syllables would be gimmick infringement - "Showstealer"]

(999) PSA: June 4, 2010

72 seconds

Watch the WCR Roast Trailer.














That is all.














No really, that's it.




























I'm serious.














For once.














What were you expecting, something funny?














On this show?














I mean, how long have you been listening to this radio progrem?














You're not one of these mysteriously 'new' listeners that Blade's been going on about of late, are you?














If you are, why are you even here? You're at the wrong place buddy, I'd say to start from the (long, long, long ago) beginning.














Still here? Can't seem to be energetic enough to go all the way back? Yeah, I don't really blame you for that.














Well, in the meantime, I should at least give you something or other. I don't think I would make a good host if I neglected my guests.














Besides, I'm bound to be more entertaining than anything the Co-Fruitcakes might do on their show.














Hmmm...














Nah, I'm at a loss right now.














Damn.














Here, tide yourself over with this strangely funny painting of Horatio Caine in Power Armour:































Bah, the things I have to do around here...