299 The Angry Jerk: October 31, 2020

Happy Go fu**ck yourself-ween!
85 minutes

Blade explains numbers to RD.

Cory Udler is supposed to be in the latest Halloween movie which was delayed due to the worst serial killer of all - a pandemic. Blade meanwhile is to be filming in Nashville as a werewolf. "I'll give you some side-boob."

Blade: "I disagree with you."
RD: "Of course you do." (:11)

Mountain Dew's random new flavors are not just for Halloween. Well, yes?

Anyway that's all the grocery tripping RD has done this month, since they go straight to the gimmicks. (:14) AJ Lee Jim had sent them both some "Jerk Jerky" that the two apply loud noises to the microphone for. The effect is slow to come, much like Jim's...BBQ business. (You were expecting something else?)

For some reason Ken Patera discussion more often ensues at Current News rather than the more appropriate Obscure News. In this case he's making (Obscure) News as his used singlet for sale was deemed sexually inappropriate for Facebook. (:17) RD thinks the seller uses it as a funk sock.

Today is also Katie Vick's 21st birthday, according to Blade's ad-libbing. (:25) RD has yet to forgive Blade for involving him with her. 

Somebody found the British Bulldog's Boy of '92. In a twist he was actually a Girl (with her own action figure). RD argues with Blade over whether she flubbed her line.

It was also Bill Apter's (21st) birthday. Blade is jealous of his energy. (:33) Bill's peer Craig Peters got Gilbert Gottfried to Cameo a promo on him. Why isn't he Co-Hosssing instead?

Speaking of promos, Roddy Piper has his one against the idiots in cars. (:38)

Speaking of speeches, Patrick Stewart beams in to report that Rob Van Dam has left TNA (for Pontiac). (:40) He has to report this since Blade is too lazy and/or busy and/or incompetent to get Cory to do his Gene and Paul impression to "report" this (or perhaps he's too busy having fun away from the progrem doing actual movies). He gets possessed by Mike Check for some reason by mispronouncing Blade's name.

Patrick: "I just have two things to say to you Mr. Brakstone!...GO FU**CK YOURSELF!...And also, I'm leaving now."
...
RD: "That was random."

Blade wrote something to Mickie James on her Instagram about the Detroit Lions. This is apparently newsworthy. (:44) She also thinks Lego sets have a piece or two missing even though they don't. This is also apparently newsworthy. (:48) RD uses the excuse to make fun of her. "Thank ya," reminds Piper.

This DOES however lead to yet another bet on the Colts vs. Lions. Remember those?

Popeye interrupts a Question by Jason Farrell to inform folks that he can no longer be blown (down). (:51) For the rest of the recording he is now Politically Correct Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

What are their favorite Diva Halloween outfits? (:54) RD has the Deever (sadly not on Cameo) as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, and Penguin Kaitlyn. Blade has Mickie James as Elektra, Mickie James as a cavewoman, and Miss Elizabeth as Jane (who according to RD was at fault for something for some reason).

Instead of telling children to take their candy back home first, Piper delights in heel trick or treating with bowling balls painted as apples. (:65)

Mike Check uses his '50% share' of the progrem (as RD Reynolds) to shout at Brad. (:66) Before he can talk about being in Sleepy Hollow's WSPK Spook 103, Popeye interrupts to object about spooks. Blade: "Maybe you can go fu**ck yourself too!" Mike responds with Bobby Pickett's Monster Rap.

RD resummons Popeye to interrupt Blade. (:72) Popeye: "Go fu**ck yerselfs!"

RD resummons Mike by declaring that he doesn't eat steak. Mike: "Go fu**ck yourselves!" Blade: "Hey, fuck you!" (My goodness, what a shock that RD missed one.)

Jim calls in to gloat now that his jerky is fully affecting them. And Patrick. And Popeye. And Mike. And retroactively Piper. And Gilbert Gottfried. And the British Bulldog Boy/Girl/Kid. And Ken Patera (he was hungry!). (:77) Man, with such strange itineraries it's a wonder how RD could write three bestselling books. Jim: "Go fu**ck yourself!" Blade: "Fu**ck you Jim!"

Seventeen Syllables Now:
It's the Halloween show.
That was some bad tasting jerky.
Go fu**ck yourself RD! 

RD: "Blade Braxton, go fu**ck yourself!"


$0.50: $33.00 plus that $19.99 Go Fuck Yourself (Rated AO no doubt.)


Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • Halloween
  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 5. Rupert’s Kids Arcade (Re-opening), Skyline Drive In, wrestlecrapradio.com, Coasty Marshmallow, Patreon
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Things you may wear around the house if you get too drunk, people on cocaine, Detroit Lions, Halloween.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Stewart Patrick, Popeye, Mike Check, Popeye (2), Popeye (3), Mike Check (2), Jim.
 
  • Fu**ck Bombs: 11. Stewart Patrick, Gilbert Gottfried, Mike Check, Blade, Popeye, Mike Check (2), Blade (2), Jim, Blade (3), Blade (4), RD.
  

  • Huey The Ghoul Laughs: 3
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
 
  • Question of the Week from: Jason Farrell
    • Scarier sight, Hulk Hogan being double humped by Yeti and The Giant or Uncle Eric as Count (Censored)? None given, interrupted by debuting PC Popeye.

  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Favorite Diva Halloween outfits of all time?
    • RD:  Deever as Princess Leia, AJ Lee as Kitana, Kaitlyn as a penguin (non-sequentially)
    • Blade:  Ms. Elizabeth as Jane, Mickie James as Cavewoman, Mickie James as Elektra
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Half-hearted attempt this week:
    It's the Halloween show.
    That was some bad tasting jerky.
    Go fu**ck yourself RD!

Episode 53: Halloween HavoCrap II: October 31, 2020

47 minutes

Having fully recovered from eating angry jerky and wanting to go fu**ck themselves and each other within 30 seconds, and thus free to continue from earlier in the month, the Fruitcakes discuss more on (old) Halloween Havocs. 

 RD: "You're happy that I'm unhappy. What a nice guy."

Blade shames RD for forgetting recordings from several weeks ago.

  • Blade remembers Ric Flair's first last retirement match against Hulk Hogan in '94 despite not watching. The Honky Tonk Man had a ten minute match. RD plays Paul Orndorff's old synthesizer theme.
  • Blade remembers '95's bad sumo monster truck wrestling on top of Cobo Hall and the Giant regenerating after taking a splash instead of the other matches of wavering quality and a horny Yeti. His random wondering about initials makes Huey laugh.
  • Miss Elizabeth was in a "neutral corner" for Hogan vs. Savage '96, confusing Blade as to timelines. Steve Michael wrestled 10 minutes too long.
  • '97 saw the interminable Piper-Hogan feud continue a year too late with an awful non-title match. RD: "He was kinda stupid in WCW." Blade tries to 'rant' about bad booking without swearing. He fails.
  • RD tries testing Blade's theme knowledge but his system won't play along at first. Thankfully the power of Alex Wright hip thrusting pierces through (but not his match with McMichael which was not a hell of a wictory).
  • Hogan and Warrior in '98 was bad enough. That it was not the main event was worse. That it pushed the actual main event off the PPV timings was the worst. Blade complains about Star Wars again.
  • Flair had to suffer against Scott Steiner in a match so memorable neither can remember it (or much else about that show).
  • '99 was another 'memorable' event. "Sadly" Berlyn was on the show and "sadly" he lost.
  • 2000 was a complete tossup due to "Above Average" Mike Sanders. John Tenta once connected RD to Mike Awesome over the phone. Goldberg won the four minute main event against Kronik. Alex Wright managed to make space to dance regardless (he won his tag match with dance partner Disco Inferno). RD wants him on Cameo and/or their radio progrem.

RD gives Blade a B for his memory, which is more than what would Bryan would get. No word on Dave's memory though.

298 Technical Havoc: October 8, 2020

86 minutes

It's hard to get a word in with these clowns!
 

Technical difficulties have caused Blade to laughing into coughing. That makes one of us. (Laughing, not coughing.)

 

This continues for 18 minutes.

 

Blade is paranoid for some reason.
RD: "I sincerely doubt that your 'jokes' are the problem."
Blade: "It's a problem."


...


Also yes, RD, you and I are correct. (:16)


...


However, this doesn't apply to their other show where things actually work properly (most of the time anyway). So things are a wash.

 

(That sounds like a damning with faint praise endorsement to support them to listen to that, come to think of it.)


But at least it's fun to hear Blade lose his mind (and his breath).

 

Anyway, RD is doing Halloween things early in a time period where such temporal concepts are all timey-wimey by trying some Halloween Crunch with a Ghost Captain (an Ancient Mariner)? The back of the box has a word to unscramble which RD has Blade attempt over the phone. As expected, Blade needs the letters repeated. As unexpected, he guesses correctly. The orange ghosts taste like creamsicles. RD doesn't have milk to test if they turn it into green so Blade has him try it in 0% fat water poured all over his desk instead. 

Spoiler: nothing happens.

Blade also correctly remembers who all five Killer Bees are. They have a Kickstarter for a comic book which has already achieved its minimum goal of $3,000, despite it being 35 years too late and their illustrations looking nothing like them. However, Ken "Swinging Full Nelson" Patera will also be in it. (:27) Someone should send a copy to the Iron Sheik to see if he can break its back and make it humble old country way (you can probably guess how to do so with a comic book).

Speaking of crowdfunding, April Hunter needs to replace her implants due to a freak accident with her dog through her own Gofundme. Currently it is at 60% of the required $9,000. (:37) Blade lies that he will help folks who may get in trouble by donating. (She's also on Patreon if you prefer to help her there.)

Marty Janetty has confessed to crowdfunding murder. Again. (:43) RD advises the Listeners to not social media while intoxicated; otherwise you might end up Co-Hosssing a radio progrem with him.

WWE has made a special on The Best of Mickie James after mocking her for being old. (:46) The Fruitcakes don't think it will include her appearance on Jenny Jones or her time in TNA with a train.

After having crowed about being in the top 1%, current jailbird Tam's OnlyFans page is now inactive. (:51)

RD: "How is that news?"

His actual phone rings in an attempt to get him to escape further talk on the subject. So too Blade's dog (he also has a duck).

As expected, Blade failed to do his one job of finding a Question of the Week Past Month since he was distracted by his attempt to get him some online. (The worse thing about this being alleged is that he failed at said alleged thing. The worst thing about this was that it was expected.) (:55) All he has is an ad from Kraft for their Macaroni and Cheese (or what's known up north as a Kraft Dinner). He lies again that he will send the box to the first person who emails him on this. RD agrees with me on calling him out in advance of not doing this. Blade tries to shift responsibility.

Speaking of doing his one job, he also has to improvise this week's other debate question: who else would they like to see in comic book form? (:59) RD wants the Apter Mag newsroom (wasn't that a Howard Hawks movie?), Missy Hyatt (I'd buy that for a dollar if she wrote it), and Jack Tunney: Agent of FURTHERMORE, with an unequivocal monologue in every issue. Blade wants the Iron Sheik fighting the aforementioned Killer Bees, Mickie James, and the Black Scorpion. RD (for real) would send someone his own Kraft box to whoever can spell out best what FURTHERMORE would stand for.

WWE is bringing back Halloween Havoc for NXT. (:74) Blade hallucinates someone dressing up as a "slutty ghost" and thinks AEW should have a competing Hanukkah Havoc.

Blade: "I've been pretty unprofessional at times."

Seventeen Syllables to add:
Halloween Havoc.
NXT's bringing it back.
I'm scared. Literally.


$32.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

  • WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Coasty Marshmellow, wrestlecrapradio.com
  • URLs not taken: 0.
  • SPEAKING OFs: 4. Bad things in tag teams, this show, train wrecks, tired.
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
 
  • Blade’s Poor Performance excuse: Lack of sleep.
 
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 0.
 
  • Blade Time Outs:  11
  • RD Time Outs:  0
  • Krankor Laughs:  1
  • RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
  • Weird Al Laughs:  1
  • Cricket Chirps:  3
  • RD’s False Finishes:  1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  1 
 
  • Question of the Week from: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
    • Do you have that special someone that would like a free box of Kraft macaroni and cheese? Yes.
 
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  What three wrestlers would you like to see in a comic book?
    • RD:  Apter Mag characters, Missy Hyatt, Jack Tunney (non sequentially)
    • Blade:  Black Scorpion, Mickie James, Iron Sheik
 
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Blade is frightened of cash grab nostalgia:
    Halloween Havoc.
    NXT's bringing it back.
    I'm scared. Literally.

Episode 52: Halloween HavoCrap: October 8, 2020

44 minutes

Sad News: Halloween Crunch makes water yellow instead of green.

Blade: "I can guarantee it will make your pee turn yellow."

This brings up arguing over what color urine should be. Blade wants it clear, much to RD's confused research.

The two try to escape things then by trying to remember early Halloween Havocs. (:07)

  • Blade remembers a commercial for the first in '89 with Big Bully Busick helping build the (original) Thunderdome while AC/DC played. RD doesn't remember that. Blade: "You shouldn't."
  • Blade remembers a very specific period of WCW between '89 and '90. RD does his Jim Ross impression. Blade forgets people, but he does remember the Feet of Doom.
  • RD of course remembers Barry Windham as Fake Sting in PPV Scramblevision. Blade remembers watching him in proto-240p 70s fidelity, then taking the videos to distract his colleagues in metal class.
  • RD also remembers the Chamber of Horrors without Bruno Sammartino. Lex Luger did have an underrated feud with Stan Hansen however.
  • Blade of course remembers the Black Scorpion. Sadly he did not team up with the Halloween Phantom. Blade remembers when the latter took off his mask. 
  • RD remembers Oz losing to Bill Kazmaier, sadly not among random tombstones. He also remembers Tony Schiavone as a pedophile vampire.
  • Blade remembers Jake "The Snake" Roberts spinning a wheel to make a deal with Cheatum. Ron Simmons had to fight the Barbarian of all people. Blade: "I enjoyed the Barbarian."
Blade can't remember much else since he was watching boxing instead during this time. RD threatens to do some more remembering for their Halloween recording to make up for the lack of a September taping.