Minisode #140 Tony Atlas's Chicken

by iggy

March 27, 2009

Tony Atlas's chicken
Angry Jim is selling nuts
Mike Check

#in a pickle #jackie blue

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 4: "Childbirth"

“Jason Reso, I swear to God you’re never touching me again!” Christy Hemme-Reso screamed loudly as she squeezed her husband’s hand. She took a deep breath as her contraction passed and released Jason’s hand. Trying to shake the circulation back into his hand, Jay reached for a towel and gently pressed it to Christy’s forehead, brushing some of her red locks out of her face.

“You’re doing great honey, really.” Jay said supportively as he removed the towel.

“That’s easy for you to say,” Christy laughed, “how about you lay down and have to push this kid out and I’ll hold your hand.”

“I would if I could,” he lied with a smile.

“Sure you woul…ahhhhhhh…” Christy clutched Jay’s hand once again as she was hit with another contraction. When the contraction passed, Jay handed her a cool glass of water which she gladly gulped down.

“Okay Christy, we’re almost there,” the doctor said. “Now, next time I need you to give me a really good push.” Christy nodded and looked to her smiling husband who already had his hand ready for her.

“Squeeze away baby,” Jay said as she took his hand just as another contraction began. She squeezed Jay’s hand so hard he winced in pain. Screaming again, Christy pushed with all of her might. Suddenly the pain subsided and the cries of a newborn baby could be heard.

Crying, Christy pulled Jay down for a kiss as the nurse took the baby to be cleaned and examined.“Congratulations, you’re now the parents of a beautiful baby girl,” the nurse said holding the little pink bundle for the couple to see.

“Christy, isn’t she beautiful?” Jay asked but instead of a response he heard his wife gasping for air before she began to violently convulse. Alarms began to sound loudly from the monitoring equipment hooked up to Christy as the doctors swarmed over to the women, a nurse gently pulling Jason away from his wife. “Christy?”

“Sir, you need to step outside,” she said leading him to the door.“What’s wrong with my wife?”

“You need to step outside sir,” the nurse said sternly as she pushed him out of the door.

Pulling at the door handle, Jay realized the door was locked. Looking through the tiny bit of glass on the door he watched as the doctors frantically moved around his wife and he couldn’t help but notice the flat line the heart monitor was displaying. All at once, the doctors stopped their frantic movements and pulled the bed sheet over Christy’s head.

Tears fell from Jason’s eyes as he continued to try to get into the delivery room. He looked from his wife’s covered form to the new baby on the examination table. How was he ever going to raise this little girl on his own?

The tragic end.

140 Assing Around with Blade Braxton: March 27, 2009

78 minutes

Blade - I mean, the Pink Assassin Midnight Rose - survived almost being thrown out of RAW and being heel temporarily. There was a call from "The Man" (Vince himself?) for him to unmask for some imaginary shirt. Sadly it wasn't a Simon Le Bon one. (:05) While there he had more than enough of his fair share of toothless hillbillies with his buddy Slinky (:07) and convinced Tony Atlas to sign his appearance in the Book of Lists Exclamation Point (:11) Perhaps he can't read. The new Angry Marks ad copy sadly does away with any Jeff Foxworthy impersonations. RD fears it's already out of date.

RD had an angry TRIP to Taco Bell (:19), the fast food franchise removing their Spicy Chicken Burrito from their menu. Shouldn't that be Sad News? RD terrifies people once more during his trip there. He should cut a promo against them like he did Jared from Subway.

A change of pace for the Fan Fiction Theatre: (:25) instead of sex we have Christy Hemme dying from childbirth of Christian's baby. That's it. It's less a story and more of random people doing and saying random things. (Much like this show in fact. There's an metaphysical analogy for you.)

Obscure Wrestling News: (:32) The Big Nippled Vampire has some DVD trailer showing her as a nipple of her former self (if she even had one). We watch it. Blade: "Hopefully she douches." For some reason she also does some belly dancing.

Speaking of former Divas we have starring what everyone wants - two Diva Search rejects! (:42) [Not Too Distant Future Update: the site isn't up anymore. What is it with these sites vanishing not long after being reported on? I know there's a supposed 'curse' on mentioned people, but there is also a subtle one on websites too. I just hope WE don't get impacted!]

JR's been "selling lots of nuts" on his website. This of course makes him call in. (:47) Cue the expected juvenile humor.

Question of the Week (:50) has the fine young and patriotic egg Eric Majorwitz (4) wanting to attend Wrestlemania on his wife's birthday. He should take her with him and ask to be shown on the Titantron kissing. Problem solved!

More Fun with Mike Check to 'save' the show. (:53) For some strange reason he was on some Jewish radio station KBRS "Bris 96" in Fayetteville Arkansas as Barney Goldstein, and together with Ezekiel Miller they hosted the Barney Miller Show. Some random reference to some obscure show offends everyone. For "Jackie Blue" he plays Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

Blade spends the rest of the show on some Anal Cavity Backside Ranking at RAW with some random 30 sec Eazy-E sound loop (:64) In case you're interested, in descending order:
11. Stephanie MacMahon
10. Kelly Kelly
9. Natalia Nightheart
8. Beth Phoenix
7. Molina
6. Nikki Bella
5. Rosa Mendez
4. Lillian Garcia
3. Mickie James
2. Laila
1. Bree Bella

Seventeen Syllables on 12 Rounds:
12 Rounds on Friday.
I'll need 12 Rounds of Starbucks
to watch that thingy.

Next week's update is moved up to Wednesday for April Fools - I mean, for RD's 'work'. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Minisode #139 Agent of the Law Deputy Dawg

by iggy

March 20, 2009

Planet Earth
They ran out of things to celebrate at Disneyland.
German music
Mike Check

#thunderballs #kppv

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 3: "Trish's Secret"

The moment Trish Stratus had been dreading ever since she joined the
WWE had finally come. She would have to reveal her horrible secret to
the management. There was just no way around it with Vince and
Stephanie McMahon constantly pressuring her into posing for Playboy
magazine to promote the company and Summer Slam. Trish time and again
did her best to prolong the inevitable declining the offer giving out
excuse after excuse, but with her winning back the Women's Title at Bad
Blood they pretty much backed her into a corner. She would at last have
to tell them the truth. Taking a deep breath Trish knocked on
Stephanie's hotel room door.

The door opened and Stephanie, dressed in a skimpy pink nightie which left
nothing to the imagination with the way it showed off her mountainous
tits, greeted Trish with a hug before letting her in. Stephanie could tell Trish
was distressed by the look on her face and asked with concern as they sat
on the couch, "Trish, what's wrong?"

"Well, the truth is... as much as I'd love to, I can never be in Playboy,"
Trish announced as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"I don't understand. Why not?"

"Because... I was born with sort of a birth defect, which if I did pose would
destroy my career and label me a 'freak'!" Trish confessed causing her to
totally breakdown and cry.

"Birth defect!?! You've been doing bikini shoots showing off your perfectly
toned body for years. What could you possibly keep hidden for all this time?"
Stephanie asked completely perplexed.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, so the only way I can prove it is to
you is to show you," she said wiping the tears from her face.

Trish then got up and stood in
front of Stephanie and began to unzip her hip
hugger jeans. When the zipper got all the way to the bottom, giving just a
glimpse of her black laced thong, she reached for Stephanie's hand and placed
it inside. Stephanie's eyes went wide in shock. This couldn't be what she
thought it was. Not only that, it felt huge.

"This can't be real. It's just too big," Stephanie said with doubt, "This
is a rib, isn't it? You had me fooled for a second. You're wearing a large
strap-on dildo. Admit it."

"There's only one way to know for sure. Pull it out and see," Trish

This caused Stephanie to gulp. She had to call Trish's buff. Grabbing a firm
grip she pulled out the three time consecutive reigning Diva Of The Year's
massive dick from its confines. Stephanie was completely mesmerized by the
sight before her. She was indeed holding on to a real cock. Trish's cock!

"Oh, my God! Trish, how were you
able to keep this a secret for so long? It
must be at least 8 inches," Stephanie muttered as her
petite hand didn't even come close to wrapping around its veiny girth.

"A hell of a lot of duct tape and it's just over 10 inches to be exact," the
blonde confirmed.

"A big, beautiful... 10 inches," Stephanie corrected her as her hand stroked it
to full hardness. Eyeing Trish's cock like a dog does a bone just out of
reach, she licked her lips getting them nice and wet before asking, "May I?"

The End.

139 Rise of the Midnight Rose: March 20, 2009

77 minutes

Blade took a recent stint in indie wrestling as the Midnight Rose, and he's even got (another) irrelevant MySpace page to prove it. (At least until he forgets its password or updating it.) Blade attributes this success to carrying his mask everywhere with him.

The Three Faces of Blade (not starring Joanne Woodward) apparently consist of Blade, this new Pink Assassin Midnight Rose, and Slice of the mysteriously hidden Last Name. He's also going to RAW with front row and center tickets. (:07) RD thinks Blade having sex with Mickie James on TV will raise ratings. I know one thing it would certainly raise...(:09)

It seems this Pink Rose has also driven Dependo's profile from YouTube, giving him the opportunity to lie in wait creating his next attack against our Co-Fruitcakes. (:10) Believe me, he will. Although the way things are going with RD's Popeye impression as a gay sailor, I think he doesn't need to lift a finger to sabotage the show. He can just let them do all the work for him.

Also for some reason the web page has a third sponsor, But they say nothing about it here. I'm assuming Dependo hacked into their page.

RD didn't go to the Grocery at all during last week's haitus, instead taking another TRIP to Disney World (:17). He saw Rafiki there again. Chief Strongbone gives a 'How'. (:22) RD met the world's most effeminate Peter Pan. Are you sure about that?

Time for FanFiction Theatre! (:26) This week finds Stephanie McMahon with Trish Stratus re-enacting the end of The Crying Game. [That's too recent a movie for Vince to have heard about.]

Obscure Wrestling News. (:34) Lacey Von Erich is in some film or other. Bobo Brazil Jr is in some indie show and Triple H is 'expected' to be there.

This week's Question (:40) sees a German Crapper by the name of Wolfgang Uberhard sending 80's German porn music.

Mike Check tunes in. (:45) He didn't watch TNA due to recording trouble with a James Bond movie. Instead he talks about his time at KPPV "Mix 106" in Prescott Arizona. Did you know he was in a show named the Car Tunes Afternoon Drive, and he was once Mad Dog McGoo in The Deputy Dog Show?

He does get off (literally) to SoCal Valerie (by Steve Winwood). Speaking of which we badly segue into the two commenting on a Don Mason tribute video, Call on Don , which combines his masked dancing with some recent music video thing. (:57) The Co-Fruitcakes talk about the arousing images of Don with the intercut music, and if dancing Don is your thing, who am I to complain? (Weirdly enough Steve Winwood DID work with a Mason. Not Don though.)

Blade has some Did Ya? (Fun Facts) segment to mock the WWE's own, with expected terrible results (:63). Blade found a random hat. Koko B. Ware is in the Hall of Fame, but there's no word yet on if Frankie will join him. (:65) Duran Duran's Planet Earth is watched. (:67) Did they collaborate with Steve Winwood though? The Diva Battle Royale is discussed just slightly. (:71)

(Concocted) Seventeen Syllables:
A Diva Royale.
You know it won't be complete;
We need Hervina.

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 2: "The Secret Life Of Michelle McCool"

"The Secret Life Of Michelle McCool"
Written by Princess976
Performed by Sir Alec Heineken to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata (in C-Sharp Minor), First Movement Adagio sostenuto

She stared at her reflection in the mirror and gave herself a secret smile. If any of them knew they would be shocked. Plus it's more fun to keep it a secret. Her secret. Her deepest darkest guilty pleasure. Not even Maria her very best friend knew this secret. Ever since joining the WWE she had indulged herself. Every city a different random person.

People would be shocked. Shocked that the oh so pristine Michelle McCool has hot dirty sex with a random guy in every city. She usually used her current SuperStar crush to pick the kind of hook-up she made. Right now, CM Punk was the only thing on her mind. So she was looking for tattoos and piercings. She was not very picky, so it didn't take her long to decide who she wanted. She saw him before he saw her. She got up from her table and put herself in his path, and made sure he bumped into her. She fell to the ground. He of course helped her to her feet. After about a million apologies, she flashes her made for TV smile at him. "I'm fine, really. Don't worry."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

“Of course. I’ll probably just be a little sore from hitting the ground so hard.”

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you."

"Make it up to me? How?”

“However you want.”

Michelle seized her chance.“You think you’re man enough to make me feel better.”

“I know I am.”

“Confident. I like it. Meet me later tonight.”

“Ok, where?”

“My hotel. Hyatt by the airport room 436 here’s the key.”

She went to room 436 to await her tattooed friend. At quarter after he slipped into the room. “I’m sorry im late.”

“No talking.” She had strict rules after her trysts had begun. No talking, she didn’t want anykind of emotional connection to them, strictly physical. She liked to be in charge. She grabbed him and helped him take his shirt off. She was pleased to see that his body was rock hard. She unzipped his jeans and fell to her knees in front of him. She always made sure that this was the first thing she did. Sheknew she was very good at oral sex. She knew this was probably the best blow job he’d ever had. She counted on it. Men were easier to work withafter you gave them head.

She stripped and went to the bed. She beckoned him to her. He went to her and took her nipple in his mouth and gently bit down. Michelle moaned out loud. She pushed his head farther down. When he was exactly where she wanted she put her legs on his shoulders and locked her ankles. He had no escape. He dove his tongue into her wet pulsating beaver. Michelle couldn’t believe her luck. This guy knew exactly how to eat her. He knew when to suck and when to lick. She could feel herself about to climax. When she did he licked up every single drop of her love then he slid his hard as steel love missile into her waiting silo. He pulled her up on her knees and entered her form the back. Michelle had to grab the headboard to keep from hitting her face. Her tattooed lover thrust harder until it almost hurt her. Then he pulled out of her.

He laid down on his back and looked at her. He guided her around to sit on his chest then pushed her head toward his still hard boner. Michelle eagerly took all of him into her mouth while he dined on her juicy honeypot. He licked her dry then got dressed and left without a word.

The End.

Minisode #138 Goodbye, Boogeyman

by iggy

March 6, 2009

Stubby explains his non-death.
A song about Boogeyman's release
Milkshake Pop-Tarts
Mr. T thinks the WWE HoF is legit.
Angry Jim was inducted again
Mike Check mourns Paul Harvey and talks about Don West

#beaver #don juan

138 Release The Boogeyman!...Again!: March 6, 2009

Goodbye Boogeyman...Again!
73 minutes

Sad News: Boogeyman fired. Again.

Speaking of deja vu Damien Demento is still continuing his heroic barrage on our Co-Hostess Fruitcakes. Blade aims to recruit Don...Don Mason and Peter Gazer to help him plan some sort of revenge. Oh good: Don could repel him with his mask while Pete will love him and/or make awful jokes to death. (:08) RD tries reading the Angry Marks ad copy as Chewbacca.

For no particular reason we talk with Stubby for a bit. (:15) As if the show didn't have much time to waste already... He reveals that he was revived with the magical powers of a beaver who liked his wood. That's it. That's the joke.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery (:20) had Blade rediscover the Star-O-Saurus. Vanilla milkshake pop-tarts are discussed (but not toasted).

Obscure Wrestling News: Mr.T refuses to be in the totally authentic WWE Hall of Fame, citing Pete Rose's presence in it. (:25) He should cut the jibberjabba and know that that thing is a work only for punks like Hulk Hogan, FOO! RD does an impression of him as Dr. D through Jeff Foxworthy. The Co-Fruitcakes go over other celebrities who should be inducted post-haste.

The Iron Sheik will have some iPhone apps. (:34) I know I'll buy a few if they include his insanity and great one-liners in full. He can make a tutorial program: "How to Camel Clutch and Humble B Brian Blair Old Country Way."

This week on WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre: (:37) Sir Alec Heineken narrates for us a heartwarming porn story with CM Punk & a dominatrix Michelle McCool to the sounds of Moonlight Sonata. I'm expecting Rolling Stone to give it 5 stars like they give just about everything else.

Report of the Week (:44) with our fellow Crapper Jason "Jared" Rodicker reporting on Todd Bridges' wrestling from last week. Needless to say Todd sucks, participating in a six man heel turn while people infringe on RD's wrestling gimmick.

Mike Check tunes in for our amusement. (:50) This week: remembering Paul Harvey, his time at KZZO "Kazoo 92" in Laredo Texas, The Great Kazoo, Don "Wild Wild" West and being Juan Sanchez on the Don Juan Siesta Drive (for two weeks only).

Jim Ross livens things up by calling in, angry at his representation on the site. (:62) He calls out RD for not being in the Hall of Fame or something. Any excuse to call in, I guess. Steve Austin shaved off his goatee. James Snuka is a walking corpse. The show is meandering harder than a river.

The Co-Fruitcakes sing in tribute to the Boogeyman.

[This week's update caused the url to be taken.]