For some reason people are "annoyed" at the annual gift exchanges at these "big year-end editions" which seems quite odd to me. What else would you be tuning in for? Actual wrestling news?
Blade: "This could be a train-wreck."
RD: "Would be no different from every other episode we've ever done."
A Don Mason Story (:09) once again leaves RD speechless when Blade reveals his friend would also use caramel toppings to remove that ever present "salty taste".
Blade recently went north to Chicago (:15) to be the Toxic Avenger at a showing with Troma President Lloyd Kaufmann. The art of signing breasts is discussed. While there Blade was also thought of as a hobo by the local folk. He also met RD again where an attractive skank thought of them as gay lovers. Austin "Gill Man" Gillum sent the Co-Fruitcakes some Jones Pure Cane Soda, the official drink of WrestleCrap Radio! (:31)
For no good reason RD decides to call Gay Popeye, who answers with his musical sting. (:35) He had been gifted some gay sounding book, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.
Obscure News. (:38) The Maestro is selling some random items for Christmas. Not to be outdone Val Venus again tries desperately to earn money by selling some out of date consoles, but RD and Blade think of it as just a scam that, again, no one will fall for. The HorseTrolla is ambushed by Stubby, who is jubilant that Mickie James responded to a random tweet of his. Why, pretty soon they'll be steadily dating! (Disclaimer: To my recollection neither myself or Blade have anything to do with the Twitter thing in question.) It's pretty hard for Blade to do his voice though while he constantly keeps laughing throughout.
A convenient call is made to Sir Alec (:63) who answers with HIS theme music. Wait, do ring-tones work that way? He's received some fish-sticks and waffle fries. (I'm just thankful they didn't send him any curry.) His sexual inclination as related to Don Mason is applauded by his faithful audience.
Meanwhile, long penis-ed Erik Majorwitz sent the pair those blasted Jake and Jessie Gymini action figures. (:67) Ultimate Kennedy sent some Hall and Nash ones.
Before we get to TNA 'News' (:73) Dixie Carter is called, getting some gift card to Toys R Us. But it's only for $10, so she quickly cuts them off.
Johnny Four is still stuck on the same news from before so RD upgrades him with a Stern ZPU-1000 chip sent from the Trolla people. But it just makes him waste some running time for the episode before he too meets his fiery end at the hands of RD. (And to think, he doesn't even turn into a smiley face while doing so. What the fuck, man?) This summons in Mike Check, still not 'dead'. Did he ever tell you when he was Matthew Mark Luke? Or when he was in Minneapolis' WICY "Icy 103" as Big Jim Cane hosting The Candy Cane Christmas Carnival? It resulted in him getting a blowjob at a party, though he doesn't say it was his daughter who gave it to him.
Current News. (:94)
Well, with that out of the way let's get to opening some more presents. Robert Q sent Blade some DVDs while RD got some of those Mexican Doritos. Blade further gets his own customized WC hat and a signed playing card of Detroit Lion Dan Orlovsky, while RD gets the Burt Reynolds Troma movie and Christmas with Colonel Sanders.
Speaking of the Colonel, Jim Ross calls in to be the show's expected Scrooge. (:108) He thinks his wife is cheating on him with Hollywood John and Johnny Ace and calls the Bushwhackers Penis Trimmers, which sends RD into bouts of hysterical laughter. Of course, RD 'forgot' to send the man any gift, most likely because he loves to piss him off and see what his response would be.
Sure enough the man doesn't disappoint, singing a 'few bars' against the two to close things out.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck yourselves.
Shove it up your fucking ass.
Oh what fun it is to be pissed
When you don't do midnight mass!"
Merry Christmas, one and all.
It's the third episode in two months, so Blade prepares himself by getting drunk once more. This is furthered even more by mention of a new addition to the WWE roster, a glorified Brakestown clone by the name of Luke Gallows. Gay Popeye calls and the phone is so used to his appearances that it doesn't even ring. RD has to work around slightly to not break the already broken battered and torn kayfabe on the radio progrem. People used to come up to Blade and tell him he looked like Brian Pillman which is the closest the show has had to a joke in a bygone age. There's been no response from Demento yet in their battle. Well don't mention it on here, he might listen and reply again! Blade wants to fuck the radio progrem, if such a thing is even physically possible. I guess we'll find out if one day we start listening to an episode and sperm suddenly starts flooding out of the speakers.
RD meanwhile had taken another TRIP to Disney World (:11) He didn't re-encounter Rafiki sadly, but while waiting for a ride he did see a random skank-ho with large fake ones. Blade does his Bill Paxton impression.
As people have (not) been waiting for, RD took another TRIP for Black Friday (:24) and he has Super Mario based music with him for some reason. Blade didn't go shopping this year, disappointing yet again. I bet that happens to him quite a lot. While at Wal-Mart RD saw an old woman standing in line just so she could buy some Melba Toast. Sadly no one knows if this Melba Toast Black Friday Lady has any relation to Calculator Man. RD also 'met' two women also in the line arguing about some pitch-in/pot luck dinner. And...that's about it this year. Sadly Blade can't do any better with another Don...Don Mason anecdote (:29) in which the man, myth and legend argued with some old woman about the time. Perhaps she was actually Blade in disguise, as he can't keep track of the time either. Gay Popeye calls again. He'd tangled with a man named Black Friday, sent by the Jeep no doubt. That creature is always a trickster.
We finally get some Obscure News 40 minutes into this "three month long" show. December 7th is not just the anniversary of Pearl Harbor but also the birthday of another bomb, Tammy Sytch. (However Blade shows he flunked his history courses when he thinks Pearl Harbor was on the 10th instead.) The Co-Fruitcakes think of what to buy for her by looking at her Amazon Wish List. Among other things they find some random (and kinky sounding) float strap for a camera (sold separately). If I was feeling less tired and more cheeky I'd probably just send her the strap without the camera to attach it too and see what she does with it.
In other news (:50) everyone's favorite Big Nippled Vampire auctioned her fangs online for about $120. That's all. Remember when she was just about the only person the two would talk about for minutes at a time? Ah, the good old days.
Hey, remember former TNA wrestler Moon "Goldy Locks" Shadow? Yeah, me neither. For some reason the Fruitcakes poke around on her site. I like the fact that her web page is titled "Untitled Document" and she hasn't updated the thing in two years. RD listens to a portion of some song of hers and 'writes' some review on iTunes about it.
Pain Fail 1 star out of 5
by WrestleCrap - Dec 3, 2009
Where do I start? I gave up a McDouble and a Carmel Apple Empanada for this song. Now not only am I hungry, but my ears also are hungry for good music. Your music stinks like manure. Why did Jerry Jarrett give you a job outside of dancing in one of those cages. PS - Do you have Lauren's phone number? Your friend, Blade Braxton.
Somewhat faintly connected, Blade needs a thousand dollars to fuck Jasmine St. Claire. Hey, I'd be glad to chip in some.
Continuing on the trend of wrestling has-beens and also-rans Virgil (who still hasn't been kicked in the nuts by Angry Marks) had some rather bizarre interview while at some random con, whereby he tried to hit on his interviewers. (:65) Sir Alec reads the bizarre comments which mock the pathetic perennial jobber. Yep, aim high Virgil!
Seth Drakin returns to ask another Question (6) (:76): which famous announcing teams do you want back on the air? RD is impartial to Gorilla Monsoon and Pete Doherty, while Blade wants either Bruce Britchard, Michael McGuirk and Pete Doherty or Lord James Blears and Rod "TRON" Trongard.
Dixie Carter is now appearing regularly on TNA, so Johnny 4 is summoned to speak his part on that. (:80) Or once again get stuck on the same news of Hogan coming on TNA, who really knows? Of course it could be actual news as well as a glitch; the man has yet to appear on the show, and who can blame him?
RD: 'Is this the longest show we've ever done? It sure feels like it."
No, that would be THIS show. Sure feels hellishly long though.
Current News certainly has a lot to catch up on, so let's get to none of that this week! (:82) The Gooker reappeared some days back, even if the announce teams call it the "Gucker" for some reason. What, is Andrew Dice Claw going to guest host? Blade doesn't like the WWE doing outdated references. That's THEIR job, damnit! The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James is now on Twitter to stop imposters. Perfect for Blade to stalk her. Concurrently WWE is cracking down on Twitter use also. Sadly Sir Alec doesn't return to read their rules and regulations.
WWE Comics has launched, in another attempt by the company to get into the industry (and laughably fail at yet again). Blade gets confused while reading one. He also loses his voice too. Or goes through maturity again, I don't know.
Seventeen Syllables to explain this one:
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.
Blade: "WWE Comics: Wipe your ass on John Cena today."
A new rumor is currently afloat: EventCenter might return to the airwaves. RD wants Sean Mooney to host it again as he watches a random thing about him. Blade of course has no recollection, but it's not due to his drinking. Somehow Craig DeGeorge doing oral is involved so Popeye wants in on the action. RD gives him five seconds as he has more important matters to take care of; he rolls a 6 and enlists F Sin's help in making another video against Damien Demento. If his adversary sings a cartoon theme, then BY GOD RD will sing his own! (:09) Of course Blade thinks he's dissing the man's penis. He wastes another Big Announcement for having an upcoming shot of his own in this skirmish.
RD was stealing from his son's Halloween stash as he took a TRIP to eat some Whoppers. (:12) (The Hershey's chocolates, not Burger King.) Blade hates them for some reason and wants to make his own rival candy - the Big Mac. He confounds RD as he does this. Let's just move on.
Time for some Obscure News, so early in the show too! This can't be good. (:17) Blade takes an opportunity to make another football bet, this time with the Yahoo Fantasy League the duo and I are in. (RD has the Mike Checks Wackers, at the time of writing in the lead, Blade has the Midnight Blades competing with him, and my PB Justice League is desperately trying hard not to be dead last. Ah, such is my lot.) Blade decides to repeat the "I Have Something To Say" bet from the 2006-7 season. This should be good, and that's no sarcasm either.
Anyway. Sad News: (:21) Lillian Garcia had an altercation in New York. She's doing fine. Chained wallets are brought up. Catalina "Sailor James" White's name brings Popeye back, for slightly longer this time too to make Blade chuckle. She's doing porn now (why am I not surprised?), as the two have fun with her name.
WWE Announcer Lauren Mayhew is trying to give away copies of her singing. Blade wants he and RD to dress up as Wookies and kiss each other, but only if Popeye can watch.
The BabyTrolla gives birth to Candice Michelle being pregnant, or something. So at least we know what she's doing now that she's gone from wrestling. Hit the porn music! This gives an excuse for another Don Mason story, so RD plays the old Current News music for it. In this case Don bought a Right Said Fred album in the 90s, but that's not the real factoid; he's just getting heavily drunk at a bar while thinking how good ejaculating in a woman is.
The HorseTrolla neighs. (:37) Jim Ross had to come to the defense of Mickie James to protect her from a random fan 'congregating' on the Interwebs. It's as good an excuse as any to call him up. JR doesn't like Dave Meltzer since it's the in-thing right now, and he continues to give RD a case of the giggles. This year he's sure to bring in the customers with his new gravy and his new slogans and giving people blowjobs. But back to the whole subject in the first place, did you remember that at all? Blade gets Sir Alec (and his Four Seasons music) to read the fan's missive. (:50)
Johnny Four is so stuck he repeats the sentence last time of Hogan and Bischoff coming to TNA. That's it. (:58) RD wants to do some live remotes for Black Friday, Blade wants to take Stubby with him.
This Week on Current News, (:62) Hogan is still up against Flair Down Under. RD reads down the card, and if you want to see Brutus Beefcake facing Heidenreich then this is the show for you! And Flair got married again.
Seventeen Syllables of Speech:
New RAW Announcer?
Mooney is back from the dead.
Don't forget Ian.
October 30, 2009
Mike Check gets seanced.
Johnny Four gets tonic.
Angry Jim faked the palsy.
#hippie vegans #soupy
After a month (!!!) of inaction, WrestleCrap Radio returns from beyond the grave. Wow, for a moment I thought we were back in 2006 again. Wait what am I saying, the show always feels like it's in 2006.
RD has "so much to talk about", i.e. nothing at all, but he does have some bottle of tonic delivered to him, adorned with Papa Shongo's visage. Blade gets to randomly sing early in response, but he also 'coincidentally' has a bottle of his own.
RD: "I don't like where this is going."
You don't say.
The bravely bold Damien Demento gets a Hit on his Scatter roll with a fresh barrage of attacks against his usual targets. (:07) Blade prepares against him with a Rocky IV montage with the help of Stubby and a masked Don...Don Mason who train him in Siberia, Kansas, which quickly gets its own remix. Blade thus challenges him again to a boxing match, but Double D instead thinks of them as playing for the opposing team and sends Gay Popeye against them for more random talk. Does RD secretly have erotic feelings for Demento? Must investigate further...
Popeye also has his own bottle of tonic, and thinking it will cure his erectile dysfunction problems takes a sip. (:13) A random horror movie sound bite plays and Popeye reverts to his 1930's persona, strangely wanting to open his can of spinach in Olive Oyl instead of the usual Bluto. But the feeling fades with some tinkling of piano keys and he returns to his homosexual senses to see Bluto waiting for him as he always does.
RD: "That was very very strange."
But back to Demento, who instead challenges the Co-Fruitcakes to a sing-off. He will sing the Underdog cartoon theme song. RD falls back to randomly singing to his Dr. Feelgood MIDI. Blade wants to dress up as Mickie James on Halloween to annoy people and indirectly be allowed to have sex with the Diva. Whatever you say, Mr. Brakestown.
|Blade: Halloween Cap'n Crunch turns the milk green.|
Obscure News comes along. (:38) Amy Weber gets confused with the concept of kayfabe as she was asked about why she left the WWE. Blade had a dream about how nice she was. Over in Japan Rene Dupree wants Shane McMahon to come over from leaving the company. RD mocks his thinking.
The HorseTrolla neighs (:45) causing Blade to hit himself in the nutsack, revealing that Mickie James was sent to Smackdown as some sort of 'punishment' for her weight. This makes Blade happy as he can make more sex jokes now. RD tries to caution him, wondering what's gotten into him for some reason that's only needed to further today's plot. This makes Blade decide to tap into his tonic. (:49) Sadly the only thing it does is regress him into 2005 Blade by calming his earthly desires and make him think more inwardly. Bah, where's Popeye where you need him? Thankfully three minutes later he returns to normal while trying to contain his quiet laughter.
Question of the Week. (:53) Charles has some rapid fire questions for the duo. RD shares my love for Coca-Cola, Picard and Mike Nelson. Then the stunner question - Nathaniel or Mike Check? Time for the SeanceTrolla to turn on. (:58) Sure enough, our favorite WWCR DJ comes on to scare Blade, particularly as he's somehow managed to hack into the contraption somehow; remember, he's only pretending to be dead to escape John Thomas' clutches. He's having fun up in 'Heaven' but is somewhat weary of Wolfman Jack, who once thought he was infringing on him as Wolfman Mike while at Salem Winston's WBOO "Boo 92". Did he ever tell you about the time he was also at San Bernadino's KHIP "Hip 106" as Bob Salad in the Soup & Salad Musical Buffet? And now here's the McCoys here on the WHACKER!
RD: "What else could go wrong on this show?"
Time for Johnny 4 to show him, that's what. (:68) He plays the Atari ET game theme to again remind us how much he's supposed to be terrible, or at least what the Fruitcakes want us to think about him. I think he's just cute. "Nothing but the finest news!" we're told, as J4 tells us; Hogan and Bischoff are on TNA. This gives RD a dangerous idea to feed his robot companion some of the tonic, which he gladly does. The resulting (glowing) '08 era automaton now talks like Nathaniel as the G-Man of Half-Life, giving actual TNA news like some sort of AI narrator for a wrestling documentary. "Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha." Then he returns to normal and flops on the floor.
Current News. (:73) Jim Ross is still boldly battling his Bell's Palsy, but he still has time to call into the show. He says he faked the disease so he can take time off, taking the time to even glue his face to make it look more believable. Unfortunately his attempts to relax are constantly interrupted by well wishes in the mail and searches for royalty checks. He still hasn't gotten closer to his wife though, and gets paranoid about Johnny Ace circulating around his restaurant like a vulture. But he decides to take a test of his own tonic (:82) Sure enough he temporarily morphs into the 'original' '08 Jim Ross. Of course this doesn't last long.
RD: "It's like an alternate universe WrestleCrap Radio."
Cyndi Lauper and Maria have nothing else to do but appear on The Celebrity Apprentice. (:86) Unfortunately they can't do anything to stop the ending of the selling of WWE Ice Cream Bars. Blade always loved to eat Miss Elizabeth.
Seventeen Syllables on Damien Demento:
Demento's pissed off.
He's challenged me and RD.
Don't bring it, sing it?
Happy Halloween all.
October 2, 2009
The Crickets co-host
Sir Alec reads Daisy Duke / Enos Strate Fan Fiction.
Doritos: Black Pepperjack, Smokin' Cheddar Barbecue, and Cheesy Enchilada/Sour Cream
Steelers to host RAW
The Rock namedrops BM Punk
#popcorn indiana #charlie batch
Blade's not drunk this week just exhausted, so he tries to get the crickets to do his Co-Hosting job for him. Al Sharpton made WrestleCrap hosting RAW this week. Blade wanted Roy Innis to host instead. RD doesn't know who he is so Blade teaches him. He has more hits than Enos Strate of the Dukes of Hazzard. Sir Alec uses his theme music (:16) to read a comment. Blade constantly distracts him with his laughter.
Still no Celebrity TRIP this week (:22) but the Duo went anyway. Blade tries some extinct Doritos flavors returned for Halloween. RD hates his Popcorn Indiana.
Obscure News (:31) Blade gets erect from women listeners. The Tranny in Playboy again makes Blade speechless. Hulk Hogan and his girlfriend get matching tattoos so Gay Popeye calls. He fucks Bluto and calls his penis names. Jimmy Snuka is attempting to sell a reality show on his everyday life. Trash Losagain has a baby boy, Brody - congratulations!
Question of the Week: (:43) Raging Demons (4) asks Blade for advice for the recession. Blade's shirt has three words on it: Drink Fuck Roam.
Johnny 4 is turned on by Blade's command. Sting's days may be counting down; so too does J4 as he attempts to laugh phonetically and gets stuck.
Current News (:52) The earlier music is being used by WWE for Rikishi. The Pittsburgh Steelers will host RAW, though Blade wants understudy QB Charlie Batch to host. The Redskins still suck though. Heel RD once participated in a tug of war.
The Rock returned to Smackdown and showed he is one of the 12 Listeners with a strange reference to BM Punk, who calls the show while (of course) on the bathroom. He cuts a promo on him with a haiku.
Put that toilet seat down with Seventeen Syllables:
Advice for the Rock:
Jabroni, don't pinch off
more than you can flush.
The new induction this week is of Sting: Moment of Truth, a film made on literally a $1000 budget. Thus we listen to Survivor's Moment of Truth and read more confusing comments. (:02) The Midnight Rose will wrestle October 3rd at some grill somewhere in Kansas. Blade confuses himself by somehow thinking he's the Rose and vice versa.
No Trip again this week (:14) but RD wants to know about Mountain Dew Throwback made with real sugar. Blade just wants to do porn. He could make the movies and watch people perform, which is TOTALLY not perverted at all.
Obscure News (:17) Have you thought about Sam Houston today? He's been jailed for violating his probation. RD and Blade still play his MIDI theme song. Sister Rockin' Robin also 'sings' America the Beautiful for our enjoyment at WrestleMania V. RD thinks that could be the new WCR intro. Blade repeats himself. Trish Stratus is making some yoga game (:35) "Like Mr Potato Head but with boobs," says RD. (So, like Mrs Potato Head then?) We go down the roster for Hulkamania in Australia, with something about The Kwicky Koala Show. Sad News: The Boogeyman is missing. More Sad News: The Gymini Dolls are now on a $11 clearance.
Question of the Week: (:52) Crouton Kinley wants some love advice. Blade suggests wearing a mask, which is perfect for committing adultery.
Johnny Four appears. (:55) Lacey Von Erich is in TNA. J4 says something about her being in the Beautiful People due to her plastic breasts rather than a plastic foot. Angelina Love finds an excuse to escape TNA, thanks to being an Illegal Alien. Jim Ross calls (:67) to talk about nothing in particular, like the show.
Current News (:71) Lillian's last show is this week. There are talks of Howard Finkel replacing her. Cedric the Entertainer guest hosts badly on RAW. Random celebrities seem to be chosen to guest host, including that wrestling bastion Dennis Miller.
Seventeen Syllables on Dennis Miller
Dennis Miller RAW
Obvious Vince never watched
Monday Night Football.
September 18, 2009
Trish Stratus goes brunette.
Sir Alec reads some New Jack.
Ivan Koloff's facebook rules
Blade sings about Mickie James's busted implant
Midnight Rose calls about Trish
RD feels like singing about Tom Brady
Blade sings Brown-Haired Trish
RD is angry at Trish Stratus' new brunette hair color. Of course Blade thinks otherwise.Even Gay Popeye turns temporarily hetero at the thought, which for some reason makes his music longer than normal. RD tries to persuade them with a haiku.
Trish is now brunette.
What more can I really say?
The thrill is all gone.
Oh, so we can leave early then?
Wait, there's another hour of this left to go.
Still no Celebrity TRIP (:11) so instead Blade has to make do with more on Gymini dolls. Bad news, none have been sold this week. Good news though, a plastic sticker has been stuck on the back of the damaged Doll so it can join the rest.
Obscure News: (:17) Blade needs to reach the 5000 friend capacity on Facebook. Ivan Koloff has a strict screening policy on his networking sites - Blade fails all his requirements. RD looks at Blade's student referrals on his Facebook page. New Jack is once again acting like a drunken fool on Myspace so Blade has Sir Alec read his drunk bulletin. (:29) The Zombie is now a father! RD wants him to give parenting tips on the show. The HorseTrolla says Mickie James' implants have burst. Blade needs to sing about it, so he does. (:38) In response the Midnight Rose calls with Tony's Theme; he likes Trish too now. (:40)
Question of the Week (:43) from Brian J. who wants to know why he should watch RAW when football season is upon us. RD saw the Pats vs Bills game and insults the Bills. He doesn't like Tom Brady either so he sings about him. Blade doesn't like it so he sings another song against him. Thankfully he only gets so far, so he tries again with another angle. That also fails.
RD gets Johnny 4 for his line of the week. (:52) "Jim Cornette got fired fired fired stay away from dairy queen queen queen queen queen," he says. "Worst TNA Correspondent ever." RD replies.
Jim Ross calls in to gloat. He's still on the hunt for Dark Journey, AKA Linda Newton, who seems to have taken a Dark Journey off the face of the earth.
Current News: (:60) Hulk Hogan has a wrestling company named Hulkamania touring Australia in November, of which he is in the main event against Flair. Blade saw the only copy of Brooke Hogan's new CD which terrifies him. He tries to link her songs to wrestlers. Jeff Hardy has been arrested for drug dealing, and may be facing jail time for opium, of all things. Blade shows his support for him through a loud burp.
Blade sings for his new love Trish.
September 4, 2009
The Fall of WCW
Sir Alec reads about cake.
Don Mason watches operations on tv.
The Inglorious OTG asks about DQ.
Mickie James is 30.
Johnny Four arrives.
Stubby took uppers.
Michelle McCool is still lovin' life.
#headbutt dynamite #hydrox blizzard
Written by Hybrid Dolphin
As narrated by Sir Alec Heineken
There were cake ingredients everywhere. Flour on the counters, frosting on the ceiling, eggs spilt on the floor, and, for some reason, there was the empty cake mix box hanging from the ceiling fan by a few dozen hair ties. John Morrison shifted his gaze from one mess to another, sighing angrily,"Jeff Hardy, where are you?!"
When there was no reply, John kicked off his shoes,"Damn boyfriend. When I find him, he is sooo dead." But when he looked around the room again, he tied back his hair with one of the many hanging hair ties,"I might as well clean up first."
John grabbed the mop, dust pan, and various sprays before getting to work.
It took about an hour before John got all of the mess cleaned up. The kitchen practically sparkled and shined with freshness. A tangy orange smell drifted through the room, into John's nose, and out his mouth,"Perfection. Now, to find Jeff." He peeled off his rubber gloves and apron, which were covered in the mess that he cleaned up, and turned to leave the kitchen, when he was greeted with the smiling face of Jeff Hardy. Well, he couldn't really tell if he was smiling, because there was too much cake around his face,"Hey John!"
"Jeff, did you attempt to make a cake again?" John raised an eyebrow, hands on his hips.
"Nooo~~o," Jeff playfully said,"I actually did make a cake this time."
"And I suppose that the crap all over your face is that said cake?"
"Yeppers, and I ate the whole thing! And I ain't got a tummy ache eith-" John held his stomach,"Ow. Never mind."
John sighed and rubbed his lover's stomach,"Got a tummy ache?"
Jeff nodded again and whimpered.
The California-native grinned a bit and picked his lover up bridal-style, carrying him into the living room,"Rest. I'll get some medicine."
"Thank you, Johny."
"But does this teach you not to make a mess of the kitchen and eat so much cake?"
"O~~~~ooh. Don't say cake."
"I'll take that as a yes." And with that, John went off to find Jeff some medicine with a grin of accomplishment.
The RAW match between Big Show and Mark Henry gives RD flashbacks to the last time they fought, when the Co-Host was heel managing the World's Strongest Man. His wrestling career ended that very day when Big Show used his mighty skillet hands on him, dooming him to doing radio progrems like this one. Co-Host Blade Braxton, professional comedian, has no sympathy for him, seeing as he has a tailbone injury from St. Louis still. He wants talking animals on the show. I thought Stubby was one? Sad News though. (:09) Good Friends cereal is no longer being stocked at Blade's grocery. Average news - that old and decayed Gymini figure is still hanging on for dear life.
:14 As expected from last week, Stevie J of Angry Marks calls, and immediately mocks RD reading their ad copy. They mix it up for a while as Blade falls in love with Stevie. Mr. J then taunts Damien Demento, asking him to go after his site instead of WrestlingCrip.com. I don't know, knowing the man, I fully expect him to attack us next. SPEAKING OF Demento, Blade will have yet another Big Announcement concerning him. Sigh. RD of course does his Gay Popeye, continuing his schizophrenic trend. Let's move on.
No TRIP to the Grocery, Celebrity or otherwise (:24) so Blade is forced to fill in the gap with Sir Alec calling in. This week, can John Morrison and Jeff Hardy make a cake together?
Obscure News. (:32) Sadly Wrestlicious has yet to get a TV contract, even though it's supposed to debut right about now. RD looks at Oxygen's schedule on the earlier Thursday. Don Mason used to watch womens' operations on Lifetime. Gay Popeye has no friends. Shane Helms was Twittering while drinking. Meanwhile the Lions manage to barely defeat the Colts. SPEAKING OF drinking Candice Michelle is Captain Morgan's Morganette of the Month - not falling far from the tree I see. She's hosting a bra & panties match "in the near future if it hasn't happened already." Let's check the Captain at his site! The HorseTrolla lifts the tail for Mickie James' 30th birthday.
The Inglorious OTG has this week's Question (4) (:49) but he just uses it for bad jokes. Hydrox cookies are no longer with us.
Mrs Deal calls on RD's door with something for him (:55) which turns out to be the new TNA correspondent. Somehow Blade had the time to go to a garage sale to buy something for him. Say hello to the TrollaTron 2600, Johnny Four. (It's an older model.) RD predicts disaster already. What does he have to say about Traci Brooks not being in Playboy Magazine? "No sticky pages, it's going to be a sticky keyboard." Then he becomes stuck and just rolls over. So Stubby is summoned (:64) just to give RD an excuse to call him a rascal.
Current News. (:67) WWE's Rise and Fall of WCW DVD isn't so good. RD collects Midnight Express scrapbooks from Jim Cornette. We Librarians and this very here site are again fine young eggs. (I prefer to be scrambled though.) The Shockmaster was on RAW.
Seventeen Syllables to Fred Ottman:
How will Fred Ottman respond?
Tugboat in a dress.
August 28, 2009
Mike Reno's Red Leather Pants
Loverboy - Dangerous interactive
Scott Hall's internet talk show
The Tranny's infection
Marine Biology teacher
Angry Jim hires Hollywood John
Dixie Carter calls about her TNA taping.
Vince McMahon's birthday
#workin' for the weekend #no more of that
Everybody's working for the weekend, or so the song goes as RD plays it. He and Blade are hyped up for Mike Reno's appearance of sorts on the show, though I'm guessing drugs may also have to do with it. But there's lots of love for Reno and Loverboy. RD invites the (still angry) Angry Marks to come on his show next week.
And so now the Celebrity TRIP of Mike Reno. (:09) Blade and a fellow Crapper named Logan (who I'm guessing is the best he is at what he does, and what he does isn't very nice), went to see Loverboy in concert, and with their PressTrolla passes went backstage to talk to the man and his lovely Canadian accent, eh. We hear the recorded tape of their conversation. (:12) His son wears his leather pants and the band had whiskey in those Donkey Kong barrels in Hot Girls In Love. And he plans to go to Indianapolis to kick RD's ass, in a friendly way of course. (This scares the Co-Host for some reason.) Oh, and Mike's favorite breakfast is honeyed vaginas. To commemorate the occasion the Co-Fruitcakes thus watch the video of Dangerous.
The Faxtrolla fires up for Obscure News. (:22) Scott Hall and Sid Vicious discover the Internet. Speaking of Obscure News... RD endures a few seconds of their video collaboration (Last Call with Scott Hall Volume 1) before he can't take no more and reads the comments instead, calling the thing "nice mark service."
Meanwhile the Tranny had some leg surgery for some penetrating infection (most likely from her own penis), the Big Show cheats at thumb wrestling at TMZ, the BabyTrolla cries out JT Titty's second birth to a girl, congratulations. (:33) Not to be outdone the HorseTrolla neighs; Lillian Garcia's phone has been stolen, on her last week with the WWE too. Blade still calls for the Happy Drinking music for Mickie James' miniskirt, but changes his mind and listens to Hot Girls In Love instead.
|Everything in Arizona is tan.|
:55 There's still no sign of the new TNA guy, pulling a Peter Gazer on us. So Dixie Carter calls instead. She's going to appear on TV for the first time, but she wasn't on for long; she had to go to another toy conference after all. It's basically more of the same.
:59 The good old Coliseum music is heard. There are rumors that WWE is making a new TV channel. Blade wants it to show Diva porn. Loving remembrance of Don Muraco and Mr Fuji's antics. 'Gay masks' at Vince's birthday party summons Gay Popeye. Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk!
Seventeen Syllables to get us the heck out of Dodge:
Vince McMahon's Birthday.
Gay masks, huh? More like one great
big gay half-hour.
The wresting world is set on fire as...Macaulay Culkin does something with Hornswaggle on RAW. People seem to show up from decade-old movies; Blade wonders where those stars were during the Attitude Era. Could Biff Tannen be on WWE? RD has some sort of inverse ratio of swearing to Blade (:06) Angry Marks is STILL an angry mark at RD. Unneeded anger from listeners for last week's episode. (:10)
No TRIP this week, Celebrity or otherwise (:11) as RD couldn't find anyone willing to be on the show, so he 'breaks kayfabe'. Some listeners made fun of his 'paid vacation' to Phoenix a few weeks back, so he invites him to try his experience of being trapped between the 200 degree summer heat and being stuck inside with the reincarnated spirit of Gunnery Sgt. Hartman as his instructor. He did go to a chocolate shop there though, and saw some double dipped ding dongs.
Some Obscure News might help: Blade is going to a Loverboy concert to hopefully convince Mike Reno to be on the show. (:20) But more importantly, Missy Hyatt is auctioning off an old dress of hers. The Co-Fruitcakes still make sex jokes though. PWI is being sold back to its original owners, which is certainly good news and not obscure at all! The HorseTrolla neighs: (:29) Mickie James is hanging around with Big Show. Blade calls for the Sad News Music. RD hears the ghost of Mike Check thinking of it as fascinating.
Question of the Week, another new sender. (:34) Zap Fabian is getting a PHD while listening to the show, which is related to psychotic disorders. He asks who the Next pro-wrestler in MMA would be. His bets are on the Katt, but RD wants Ernest Miller to go to UFC. No TNA correspondent this week, particularly with Kurt Angle's restraining order from Rhaka Khan.
Jim Ross calls. (:40) There's your usual BBQ discussion with Marc Summer's Mister Penis. However this week, he complains about how he makes a mistake in calling a move on Smackdown and getting a constant barrage of corrections over it. It makes one want to shove them up your fucking ass! Blade also takes time to check Gyminis at Wal-Mart finding a worn out figure, but the other three are gone. Oh, and Don West was replaced on TNA.
But enough about that, we have Current News to take care of. (:46) It's just an interview with the Pink Assassin himself, the Midnight Rose. Blade does it in an impression from a familiar Al Pacino gangster movie - my money's on The Merchant of Venice. Meng. We find out the reason he wears his mask was from having facial scars from eating pineapples. He's right, they sure can be dangerous fruits. While at Smackdown he saw some pelicans fly, he lists them for us. Hit the Easy-E music!
4. Michelle McCool
3. Natalia Nightheart
2. Katie Lea
:61 Stephanie McMahon has booked more celebrities to guest host RAW. Because when I think of wrestling fans I think of Al Sharpton. Also on the cards are Rachael Ray, Woody Harrelson, Regis and Kelly, and Danny Devito, perhaps as the Penguin. Blade: "Remind me never to watch RAW again."
Will Linda McMahon run for Senate? Seventeen Syllables of thoughts:
Linda for Senate.
Only one thing we can do:
Move to Mexico.
Previously, on WrestleCrap Radio...
"We've covered dog semen and shitting in trashbags. That's a start, that's a start to a good day."
- Blade Braxton
Blade is to RD as the Ed McMahon to his Johnny Carson. The show has been running so long that Blade's 'students' from four years ago are now graduating high school, one of them doing a "Speaking Of" in his Valedictorian speech. Iggy and I are the 'finest of the youngest of the eggs' with Ultimate Kennedy. Thus to celebrate this 4th anniversary occasion (and them both being lazy after whatever they did) they decide to relax with a first for the show - a clip show! It worked for Star Trek after all, so let's get it on.
We must first mention our sponsor, globalinternet.net (:05) RD thinks Greg dresses as Gilbert Lowell from Revenge of the Nerds. Our second sponsor is angrymarks.com (:07) as RD does their ad copy in his Jeff Foxworthy impression. Blade reminds us of his wrestling appearance at August 15 in Granite, Illinois, close to St. Louis. Next stop, Smackdown!
As we take a TRIP to the Grocery (:12) RD remembers all his non-Grocery TRIPS, including...
(:13) Black Friday, where he met Calculator Man and Bedding Man (:15) Blade would come, but he is scared of Cornholes. SPEAKING OF Cornholes... (:21)
As we're still celebrating we play the MIDI Dr. Feelgood for RD to sing to. Here's some more 'great' singing...
(:24) RD and Blade sing off to each other on Halloween.
(:28) RD beats Triple Kelly at his game of singing Cher.
(:35) Blade sings a song about the Tranny.
RD goes through all his sound clips: Krankor, RJ Fletcher, Al, Mama, Crickets, Huey. Blade has one clip to symbolize the show, his favorite in fact. the infamous Beating Meat clip. (:40) Some more favorites of the two:
(:49) Sir Alec's debut, with his first great debut story
(:53) RD loses it.
(:59) Frank from LA tries the Captain Crunch Milkshake
(:68) Alien Ham
(:75) Blade meets Superstar Billy Graham and the Rods in his dream.
(:79) Gorgeous George stripping for Blade
(:81) Don...Don Mason finding a guy fucking a horse.
RD was scared that Blade would tell Vince Russo Don Mason stories. (:83) Thankfully he didn't and so we hear about Vince signing copies of the Death of WCW. We also hear how the dearly missed John Tenta first heard of WrestleCrap (:84) and of Lance Storm dancing. (:86)
Remember the Co-Host Contest? RD and Blade sure do, particularly the sound of one contestant farting. (:89)
If you think THAT'S rude, you don't want to hear Jim Ross' frequent calls on the show to rant for no reason. Including:
(:92) Jim Ross being angry on being featured on site inductions.
(:96) Jim Ross beating his meat with Dr. Death Steve Williams.
(:104) Jim Ross as a TNA Correspondent? No chance!
SPEAKING OF TNA Correspondents...
(:109) Johnny 6 likes skank hos.
(:113) Stubby is as lewd as ever.
(:118) David Lee Roth does not want to cover TNA news.
(:120) Mike Check makes himself at home on the Whacker, WWCR.
Blade's favorite TNA guy was Stubby, of course. RD could never see his lips move.
(:128) We hear the Coliseum Video music for Current Wrestling News, still as great to hear as ever. RD remembers Blade's quest to milk Linda Hogan. (:129)
With the appearance of the WrestleCrap Quartet (:132) we go back to the first great Haiku all those years before, which went something like this...
First Ever WrestleCrap Haiku:
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?
(:138) RD and Blade sing to cover up the past four years. Sing along, won't you?
Didn't Know He Was Sick
12 Listeners, fine young egg, Glen "Campbell" Kane
Hit the bottle, BM Punk, Rebecca DiPietro
Mickie James: Centaurlicious, Brother Midnight: No-pants business
Tee Hee Tickle Party, The Tranny's a ho
Nicole Bass, Hobo, "Rockin' Chair," Bistro
Tajiri's wife can't drive, Precious Paul's frozen eye
Lions-Colts, "You're hurtin' me, Randy," Crochet Queen
Prostitute roommate is lactating for money
Didn't know he was sick
Knotts is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it
JT Titty, "Tarzan Boy," Mountain Dew Doritos
Johnny Six, Randy West, JR hates Gorbachev
Boo Berry, Good Friends, Ricky needs help again
"ZZTopwinsTerrisHouse, I bet that's not taken"
Ric Flair with a bear, Kelly Kelly somersaults
John Thomas selling Grit, Greg at Global Internet
Bill Cosby, Joyce DeWitt, bring back WSX
Blade as the Penguin, Demento is a douchebag
Didn't know he was sick
McMahon is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it
Loverboy, He-Man's log, Unibomber-style shack
Corn oil, Miller Lite, Big Nippled Vampire
Midnight Rose, Sir Alec, Ghetto Skeletor
Lift the tail, Triple Kell, watch out for the Clumsy Girl
Lord Littlebrook's legs don't work, Jack and the Curly Q's
Granny panties, Strongbow, Gorgeous George nude show
Gazer, Stubby, Chili Twistaroni
Bridget Midget, Scaleface, no sex on Mimi's first date
Didn't know he was sick
Cronkite is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it
Lena Yoda, Gay Popeye, That Trolla Tattoo Guy
Betsy Russell, Nipsy Russell, Verne Gagne masturbating
Great Khali's giant tooth, Val Venis sold his pooch
Roddy Piper's neighborhood, Deever's curly hair is good
Vince has a turkey neck, who killed Mike Check
Jillian's mole, Michelle McCool likes to roll
Didn't know he was sick
Harvey is not alive
We killed another guy
Didn't know he was sick
No, we're not delighted
That he had to bite it
White Castle, Trash Losagain, Trish's meat curtain
Dunk tank, Virgil's cock, Dusty's book, funk sock
Candice glow stick, banging Katie Vick from behind
RD scrammed, Alien Ham, Mama - "Damn, damn, damn"
Star-O-Saurus made kids cry, Anonymous Brooke's backside
Jazz Blade, cheap headset, RD loves Kurt's moveset
Lita wants Blade's bone, met at a car show
"Please and thank ya," "Mrs.Deal, get Dave Meltzer on the phone"
Didn't know he was sick
Carson is not alive
We lost another guy
Didn't know he was sick
Johnny's gone and on and on and on...
We continue the mockery of ZZ Top at RAW last week. RD wants Vince to sign the Crickets to his shows. He also wants to resurrect old segments. Sadly Fantasy Booking Island is not one of them.
Blade hints at a new segment with the help of The Twilight Zone. (:05) There is no show next week, as RD will be at lovely Phoenix, Arizona. Blade mentions a Loverboy song that RD doesn't know about. Time to hit YouTube! See Mike Reno and Beth Phoenix star in Donkey Kong: The Movie! (:06) The video prematurely ejaculates, and so does Blade in response. RD reads new Angry Marks ad copy, "now 125% more angry".
RD finally has a Celebrity to go with him to the Grocery (:16) This week it's WCR friend Jonny Fairplay. He goes to Trader Joe's, where his cereal of choice is Cookie Crisp. He was at some cantaloupe festival recently, but didn't get along with John Cena oddly. Some discussion about Cena ensues. But Mr. Fairplay can be found here.
For some reason we wonder about any potential Referees' TRIP to the Grocery (:32) of which we have some random tales of referees.
:36 Obscure News. Could Robert Englund be a potential RAW Guest Host? RD is surprised that Freddy Krueger will be played by Rorschach in the upcoming movie. Gymini doll sales figures - 4 sets left from three weeks ago. Another long Blade Braxton segue.
Eric Bischoff attempts to help economy by suggesting taxing fat people. Geez, I have no idea why no one is taking him seriously. (:44) taxfatpeople.com IS taken. Blade did his own taxing in his earlier days in yet another long segue.
There's a new Shockmaster action figure, and it comes with Stormtrooper helmet as illustrated. (:48) Blade does his Nathaniel impression. Blade takes note of the Mr Fuji figure with running number. The BabyTrolla cries, (:55) Francine gives birth. Congratulations to her!
|PB's List (Exclamation Point) of favorite TNA "correspondents"|
John Thomas calls in (:63) He is now looking for a Mike Chalk, of Chalk Outline.
:68 Current Wrestling News now has the Coliseum Video music. THE Brian Kendrick has been released. The new induction this week is of Gooker Nominee Braden Walker. A final settlement has been reached on the messy Hogan divorce, leaving Linda Hogan free for Blade. His hooker roommate used to lactate for money. He also tries comparing the Big Show's penis size to Shaq's on RAW and discusses Vince trying to anally rape Triple H on his birthday.
Hunter is fourty.
Eat some cake and play pin the
Tail on the dead dog.
RD: "I have no earthly idea what you're talking about."
Sad News - the passing of Walter Cronkite, killed by RD and Blade. RD still thinks he'll be met by Mike Check in heaven, if he is actually dead of course. (Again.)
Blade wants an archive of every person mentioned on the show, preferably by a cripple. (He does mention us though!) Like myself he's unable to sleep well, being at a Poison/Def Leppard concert the other night where he was fistbumping people in a Fat Section. They talk a bit about the bands. Shhh, don't talk too loud, the Curse might be listening! Blade thinks Global Internet's Greg is randy for RD. (:10) RD wants to make amends with AngryMarks.com for forgetting them last week. He reads their ad copy as Redd Foxx this time.
Blade had to find someone for the Celebrity TRIP (:14) but couldn't for this week. RD wants Missy Hyatt on to debate the earlier Zombie, if she's not busy having men in her body. So no Trip this week. But the Midnight Rose is returning to WWE TV though... (:17) But not to a grocery store sadly. Hmmm, it's one of those days, eh?
RD is unsure about Sir Alec reading another story this week, particularly if it is about the Co-Fruitcakes again. (:18) Of course as Blade isn't feeling so good he can't 'attend'. His adoring audience still cheers for him regardless. RD thinks of him as the Pale Horse just staring in at the window. RD takes the opportunity to investigate Alec's involvement with Mike Check, as well as matters of continuity on the radio progrem. Perhaps his criminal past brings more to the eye of the 'Englishman'... Even worse, Blade still doesn't have his WWCR Bumper Sticker! Oh, the horror. RD got one though, confusing his mother. Blade thinks of her as an obscure He-Man mastermind.
RD feels the Faxtrolla needs maintenance. (:27) WWE is still attempting to get Bill Watts' Midsouth Library, owned by wife Ene "Ma" Watts, who will only provide it on condition that Eric Watts gets a job. The Co-Fruitcakes discuss all the stuff Vince does not currently own. RD wants him to purchase the promotion he worked for PWI. It leads to a random song that Mike Check would play, and Don Mason's first experience with a blow-up doll. (:35) "Longest segue ever." Chief Jay Strongbow seals the deal (:39) "good for a five second nonsensical appearance."
In other equally exciting news the Deever had a tooth removed. (:40) The pain makes her spell badly on Twitter which confuses RD. He tries deciphering what she says. Porn person Trina Michaels is joining TNA to provide her own sort. (:44) Blade wants Christie Canyon to come on the show and 'shop' with him. (Is that the euphemism in vogue these days?)
Today's Question (:47) is from Frank In New York (not LA), the former Circuit City Questioner. (2) He still wants to apply to be on the show. In response to that the two watch what may very well be the worst match in TNA history (which is definitely saying much, especially with it being IN A PPV NO LESS) between Sharmell and Jenna Morasca. (:52) Still, if trying to run ropes in drunken circles while slapping her opponent is too much for the former reality show 'contestant' she can always star in bad movies with Kurt Angle.
With Current Wrestling News at :62 RD and Blade discuss the terrible RAW show earlier. But at least there's that famous Podium they seem to love. Maryse continues to grow on RD.
Ezekiel Jackson's new theme is the old Brawl For All one with lyrics (:68) so Blade sings a new theme for Randy Orton with the old Summerslam theme. "WAL-KING SLOW-LY! TO! THE! RING!" he tries. RD also plays the old Coliseum Video theme, which sounds like far better Current Wrestling News music than the one we have now.
The Co-Fruitcakes don't have much to say that's already been said on the terrible and actual love triangle between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt and Karen Angle that's providing far more drama than anything that TNA is currently providing. (Kurt's probably out of the way trying to continue his 'acting' career.) (:71) So Stubby calls in. Not to be outdone Jim Ross calls in after. (:75) Karen Angle reminds him of Dark Journey, both prospect consumers that could try his various meats, like his signature smoked lamb.
Send this one home with Seventeen Syllables:
Jeff's banging Karen.
Why or why did she leave Kurt?
Must be Jeff's gold tooth.
RD plays random ZZ Top songs for them being on RAW next week. Blade wants Vince to listen to the Human League. RD prefers Asia. They then discuss some more random time-wasters. Get used to it, the whole show this week will be one big time-waster. Blade thinks the show is a good middle finger to any person who likes good taste, i.e. you and me. RD thinks the show has 1800 listeners, give or take a few thousand.
The phone rings - why, it's none other than Global Internet's Greg! (:12) He disclaims a few things, including all those sexual allegations and the fact that he doesn't wear a yellow jumpsuit like Gilbert Lowell. Blade still thinks their sites can give you good chances with strippers though.
RD has an idea for the TRIP by taking a celebrity with him every week on the air. (:17) His first guest for this week - the Zombie. Yes, the former ECW wrestler, finally appearing on this show after that no-go with their first interview many years before. He still uses an old Walkman with Whitesnake tapes and thinks Missy Hyatt is working at the grocery late at night giving him dirty looks. Blade unintentionally insults him by asking about Doritos. No cereal for him though. He can also be found here and here.
The phone rings again, but it's just BM Punk. (:31) He gives his usual spiel. RD thinks of him as their 'first' repeat guest (I thought it was John Thomas), but he has 'better' distractions than him though.
Like THIS man, Sir Alec. (:34) He's still evasive about Mike Check, knowing the true story that he faked his own death to work on another radio station. Today's story is about...RD and Blade? The Co-Fruitcakes manage to shut him down but can't stop his usual cheering audience. In response an interested Gay Popeye calls in. His call, summarized: Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk! (:42)
Jim Ross calls in, as jovial as ever. (:44) He still likes ZZ Top. That's all the Obscure News we'll get too, shoved up our fucking asses.
Today's Question. (:50) RD still pronounces Ed Salo's name wrong. (4) He also reads his question wrong, which is about the WCR Curse. Blade remembers referencing Michael Jackson a few weeks before. And at risk Joyce DeWitt has a scary mugshot. RD: "What a mess this show has been!"
In response to talking about TNA reporting, RD's Dixie Carter impression calls in and makes a randy Blade laugh hysterically. Sugar. (:56) She needs to work on her Nathaniel-style laughter though.
In response to THAT Peter Gazer and his fancy music call in. (:61) He didn't 'kill' Mike Check either, although he's happy to see him gone. It's also happy for his birthday on the day as he takes a shot on the air - alcohol that is, not a bullet. His drunkenness eclipses even Blade, the man notes, most possibly preparing for his own next drunken attempt. An again interested Gay Popeye tries calling in again. (:69) Did I mention he's gay? Ah gyuk gyuk gyuk!
|Why can't more women look like this???|
RD: "I like how there's been nothing on this show. It's kind of the epiphany of the last 150 shows all rolled into one big pile of nonsense."
Seventeen Syllables of Goodness:
to Mickie James' ass.
* whenever it happens
RD, Blade, we love you guys.
To honor you on the occasion of your 150th radio progrem, we have put together this small tribute.
We asked our fellow crappers to share their favorite memories of WrestleCrap Radio.
Boy were we were surprised when they did!
This was the best one:
Don Mason and his dad finding a guy banging a horse.
My absolute favorite Wrestlecrap moment was the Horsetrolla segment from show 118. In the midst of horse-related news, Blade abruptly throws a question at RD, asking if he'd ever told the story about Don Mason and his grandfather walking in on some guy smurfing a horse.
What followed was approximately three seconds of dead air, followed by a smash cut to the show's ending theme. But the show did not end, and RD very quickly segued to the next segment before Blade could finish his story.
As the audacious question caught me completely off my guard, I soon found myself in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. I had to stop the progrem for several minutes while I regained my composure.
Blade nearly killed me on that one.
--TV's Mr. Neil
The rest fit nicely into several categories:
- Blade's Humiliations
- RD's Trip to the Grocery
- Guest Callers
- The Time I Part of the Show
- The Drafts
- Odds & Ends
- More Other
Our sincere thanks goes out to the crappers for their immediate and cordial responses.
My favorite moment has to be the show where Blade lost the Lions-Colts bet and had to say anything crappers sent in. Messages like "Don't be bashful, have a sandwich" "It's not my fault I cry during sex. It's just that I'm so darn inadequate" and "Some of the Colts players have nice butts" resulted in a laugh out loud riot.
"I have something to say!!!!!!"
Blade's story about how he trashbagged it in a house that he was working on, which ends up with someone saw him do it.
Another classic moment for me was Blade told us a story about he and one of his many girlfriends did it in the Katie Vick costume.
I know I'll never forget Blade's stories of trashbagging it. I particularly liked his stories about being pulled over by the Police with a bag of crap in his trunk. I also remember him being pulled over by customs in Canada. But I forgot what it was that he was so embarrassed about them finding.
RD's Trip to the Grocery
It's funnier when he gets something British or European that I take for granted and it seems alien to him.
My favourite WCR moment was when Brother Midnight, just for a short while, made Angry Jim Ross happy. Sadly it didn't last past the end of the show, but the exchange was pure gold.
This past episode was probably in the top 3 funniest due to Angry JR rant on Colonel Harland Sanders, and dropping a Mikhail Gorbachev reference. And John Thomas shows up again.
--Well, You're Wrong
I got back off holiday yesterday and came home to a real treat. the inane referrences were real classics, especially JRs one, probably the funniest moment bar RDs "his legs don't work" comment.
One of my favourite moments is when Angry Jim Ross made his debut. Blade sounded nothing like JR, but I can see what Blade was doing with this. He was doing a parody of JR's Heel promos. People can talk about how Blade doesn't sound like JR or it isn't his personality, but we don't care, because it's funny. Some of the characters on WCR were nearly all stale, until Angry JR came along. It's great to hear him nearly everyweek.
The debut of Sir Alec Heineken was so funny, I nearly had to pull over my truck because I was laughing so hard at the erotic adventures of Triple H and HBK.
A bit of self indulgence for me: when RD took my quote about Blade sounding like a "bill dodging drunken hobo", thus spawning HoboMania with Blade.
The many interviews, particularly Russo, have to be mentioned as great memories, and I can go back and listen to them now and still enjoy them immensely.
Two funny little stories that have stuck in my mind are Rafiki and his bananas at Disney World and Blade's encounter with Skeletor. If ever a WrestleCrap Radio Carnival were to set up both acts would have to be booked instantly.
I also highly enjoyed the Co-Host contest period- whether the entrants were good or not it was fun stuff. Some of the most brilliantly random tasks possible.
The running gags, former running gags, endless Trollas and TNA Correspondent duels, and the colourful recurring characters are why WCR is the only wrestling podcast I listen to. If I wanted plain ol news and srs biznuz chat I'd stick to a forum. The wacky and at times not-remotely wrestling based nature of WCR is just plain entertaining.
--Tea and Crumpets
The Time I Was Part of the Show
My best memory is my tryout for the co-host contest. It was an odd experience because I never talked to either of them before, yet for me at least it was like talking to people I knew for years. Improv seemed natural.
RD asked if they could go through the show and make fun of my Snitsky Foot Fetish comment, I told pretty much said that I'd be more offended if they didn't.
Well there was the debut of Johnny 6, debut of John Thomas, Blade trashing the Tranny with his "500 miles" song, Deal leaving the show which caused Blade & Trash to take over, debut of Blade "Hitting The Bottle", the spectacular bomb of "Fantasy Booking Island".
But what's more special is the three or so times they read my "Questions Of The Week".
My own personal memory would be that within a week of starting to listen to this show, they were answering my questions for the mailbag/qestion of the week.
A second would have to be listening to the two of them in the "Blade Says" episode where they debated who should be in the HOF and who shouldn't be.
It was an episode from about a year ago, it featured the following:
Zookeeper Scott Hall
The Awesomeness that is Two of Hearts by Stacey J
The Indiana Jones Adventure Spoon.
The First mention of Terri Runnels' Scam.
Honorable Mention will go to the DraftTrolla episode of this year. Of course, Gay Popeye automatically equals win.
The Draft is my fav...
--Red Lobster Coven
I always liked the non canon episodes, especially this years draft special with Gay Popeye's trip to the grocery. I also enjoyed the Christmas episode where 'crappers sent in their carols. You can tell R.D. and Blade have a blast with those ones as you can hear them almost lose it themselves.
A personal favourite of mine is Paul Ellering's "cornmeal frosties", I think that was the debut of the sad news music too.
Honourable mention has to go to the episode where they exchange Dodge Omni/Plymoth Horizon stories involving RD having to circle a parking lot to get up enough power to negotiate a hill and Don Mason not putting Blade's car in park while filming their movie resulting in it rolling down the neighbourhood.
This year's draft was great, but my all-time favourite was the one where Shane McMahon was on the loose.
The draft episode, good times.
I'm still saddened by the loss of Mike Check.
Here are some moments of note from a particular Angry Mark (.com)...
I have so many fond memories of WrestleCrap Radio, it's hard to name them all, but if I had to pick a few...
* Earthquake! Such a gentle giant, such a tremendous man, so sorely missed. That's about where I started.
* The FABULOUS Vince Russo interview.
* The Horse-Trolla debuted.
* WCR described Mickie James as CENTAURLICIOUS.
* Stubby went up in a fiery blaze.
* Getting all of WrestleCrap's (more than) 12 listeners to sing Jingle Bells.
* Angry J.R. made his angry debut (never a more fitting reason for AngryMarks to be a sponsor).
* The day RD played my HOORAY FOR KHALI CLAUS drop on the show.
* Peter Gazer, TNA correspondent.
* The Black Friday where RD was scared for his life as hillbillies opened palettes with bowie knives.
* BLOW ME.................................. DOWN! (RD can say what he likes, Gay Popeye is *****.)
* Every 17 syllables from Blade. They renewed my love of the haiku (I won a poetry contest in 4th grade writing haiku).
There are so many more, but that's a good list for now.
And now, a special message from the show's other Freebird...
Hehehee, "show's other Freebird". I like that. I think I'm the Big Daddy Dink of the show, LOL.
Let's see favorite moments.....
1) Early on in 2006, just after I first discovered this site, I was up late at night laughing my head off 'til I couldn't breathe because of the 2nd Wrestlecrap Radio wherein Blade talked about Kurt Angle treating the Hulkster with such care in the ring, he'd tuck him into bed and give him some "Mommy's milk", which resulted in The Real Deal losing it completely and I soon followed suit. From that point on, I was hooked on the website.
2) Lance Storm's candid and humorous interview with RD and Blade. The fact the WWF/E could completely ignore him and give him stupid gimmicks that he himself tried to make work is a true testament to Lance's professionalism and the WWE's lazy stupidity.
3) VINNY RU on WRESTLECRAP RADIO!!! What a coup that was. Now if only he could get Bryan Alvarez and Vinny Verhei, we'd be in business.
4) The Co-Host Competition. I really didn't think it'd go past stage 1 so I figured I'd call in, have some fun talking to the guys and that'd be it. Boy, was *I* an idiot. :) But it did lead to my induction writing position that I'm proud of and I have RD and Blade to thank for that.
5) RD and Blade interviewing John Tenta. What a nice, funny guy. I particularly enjoyed his remark about sharing (almost typed "sharking", lol) a subtle camaraderie with the 1% of fans that wanted to see Earthquake, the big bad heel, beat the crap outta the Hulkster.
6) The WCR after the 1st "ECW" show on Sci-Fi. The Zombie audio clips were making me cry with laughter.
Those are the big moments that stood out for me personally.
WrestleCrap Radio is the only wrestling podcast that I listen to. As a matter of fact, right now it's the only podcast I listen to. Why, you ask? Surely there's better podcasts out there?
Maybe, but you are probably only asking that in that self-depreciating humour that the show is famous for.
The fact is that WrestleCrap Radio has that "anything can happen" aura about it that just can't be beat. You never know what obscure 70's TV show is going to be referenced, what wacky, yet dirty stories are going to be told, or whether they just happen to actually talk about wrestling this week.
My favourite WCR moment of all time has to be the classic "Mommy's Milk". What was an innocent discussion about the upcoming Hogan/Michaels match at SummerSlam 2005 suddenly took a sharp left into Wrongtown thanks to Blade. This, combined with RD's reaction, had me holding onto my sides like a vicegrip to keep them from splitting.
In conclusion, WrestleCrap Radio is more or less the fuel that keeps me running at peak excellence. The signature doesn't lie, the new show each Friday is one of the highlights of my week. The show is the 1 hour a week where I can get away from the drudgery of looking for a full-time job to have a cheap laugh over two guys prattling on about things that may or may not be wrestling.
And for that, I say thank you.
--Excellence of Execution
Here's to 150 more,
Premier Blah, Iggy, and the Crappers