Minisode #189 X-Mas 2010

by iggy

December 21, 2010

Santa Buddies
RD's Santa Stories
Scott Hall was not arrested??
Vanilla Sky impression
Satan uses Hurricane Helms.
C.S. Irwin stops by.
Presents galore
The 12 Days of Wrestlecrap X-Mas

#make a broom look good #disturbance at a gas station

Apologies to those whose gifts I cut out.

Random Thoughts from the Office: December 22, 2010

I'm more than a little saddened that there weren't five SHOCKING SWERVES~! in the WrestleCrap 12 Days of Christmas but hey, you can't win them all.

Christmas and New Year's is a time for reflection, a time to look back at what has been achieved and what may be yet to come. A time for giving, a time for joy, a time for goodwill, a time where most of the world unites under a wave of positive energy and so it is here at

Bah Humbug!

All right. I'm sorry. I'll try and be positive because actually things for the first time are looking up. I'm actually intrigued by this whole CM Punk-John Cena business and the WWE are taking time to create new stars, the Dolph Ziggler matches on Raw and Smackdown are a testament to that. Call it cautious optimism but maybe the WWE are finally listening to reason and making new stars. TNA's been putting on pretty decent shows too. The whole Machine Guns-Gen Me feud was some of the best tag team wrestling seen for a long time. They're trying to at least have their storylines make SOME sense and the whole Shore gimmick is giving them mainstream possibility. There's really hope for TNA for the first.....

I CAN'T DO IT! I'm sorry. I feel like a fraud. I just can't do positive. So let me turn to something that is far more up my alley.

Is it finally safe now to call the Hulk Hogan experiment a hopeless failure for TNA? I mean here we sit, one year removed from the move that was meant to be the gamechager for TNA. The move that was supposed to put TNA on the map. The move that was supposed to begin the wrestling wars anew and give wrestling fans a choice again. But I'm going to tell you something I truly believe. The Hulk Hogan experiment isn't just a failure for TNA. It's the thing that has signed their death warrant. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, [but soon, and for the rest of your life?] it may not even be in the next year but make no mistake. TNA is doomed to die and this is the move that's done it.

Before the TNA fans try and come for my head let me try and explain. Here we sit one year later and what has really changed? Ratings are still the same. The whole Monday Night experiment was a dismal failure. The payroll has increased dramatically and a lot of the things that made TNA TNA....just aren't there anymore.

Think about it, before Hulk Hogan entered TNA there were two key aspects that made TNA a unique and viable alternative to the WWE: The Knockouts division and the ability to put on matches that mattered that took everyone's' breath away. Matches like Desmond Wolfe and Kurt Angle and the three way between Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels at Turning Point, Wolfe-Angle again and Styles-Daniels at Final Resolution. They were matches that took your breath away and left you wanting more because they followed the golden rule of wrestling: They made the matches MEAN something. Wolfe vs Angle was all about respect. Wolfe wanted to make a name for himself by taking out TNA's marquee name and Angle felt this brash upstart wasn't respecting him and he had to prove he was still top dog. Same with Styles vs Daniels. Daniels felt that his best friend AJ didn't respect him, before Turning Point Joe stirred the pot by planting the seed and it built to an epic finale. 4 show-stealing matches. 4 matches easily in the top 10 of the year.

Bring the clock forward to one year later and what do we see? Jeff Jarrett doing fake MMA, nWo by any other name is still the nWo and Matt Morgan leading a crusade against them because Mr. Anderson has a concussion. Don't get me wrong, as we've seen in the NFL concussions are a big deal and everybody knows (or at least should go out of their way to know) about the study on Andrew "Test" Martin's brain. Do I even need to bring up Exodia the Forbidden One? The problem is there's a difference between "Sympathetic" and "Whiny" and Matt crosses that line too many times for the story to work. And now the show-stealing matches are in the midcard, matches like Doug Williams vs AJ, the aforementioned Machine Guns v Gen Me, but like another famous company, there's no hope of advancement. That's when it becomes bad.

Let's be brutally honest here. Almost every signing TNA has made has failed to make a difference to TNA. The only real two who've made what could even be considered a blip are Kurt Angle and Christian Cage and the Christian blip went so well that as soon as his contract was up he jumped back to the WWE to take possession of a title that has about as much respect as the attitude era's European Title, the ECW Championship. That leaves us with Angle, a guy who at the moment you couldn't see Vince wanting, a guy whose had legal troubles (even if the charges were eventually dropped), a known drug problem and is always one bad bump to the head away from either retirement or a wheelchair for life. I like Kurt but I believe the most flattering term I can use for him is "Damaged Goods".

TNA doesn't need this, it needs to show that it is the next generation of wrestling and the best way to do that is to showcase the great athletic talent they already have, A.J Styles, Matt Morgan, The Motor City Machineguns, Jay Lethal, Doug Williams, Gen Me. The list goes on and on. These men are the future of TNA, these men are your ticket to being a viable alternative to WWE, these men are going to be the standard bearers for your company for years to come

If the past year has shown us anything it's that TNA needs to look to the future, not the past. The company as it stands now needs to be imploded, the stars of the past need to be done away with and the future needs to start today. To do otherwise would mean TNA doesn't have a future at all.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

RD's Gift To Blade 2010

13 minutes

Not an actual episode per se (considering the other episode is over 12 hours long). Instead this is the full audio recording of RD's gift to Blade, courtesy of That's Me Sports.

Amidst some heartfelt but lightly funny commentary from our two over excited commentators (one of whom sounds like Terry Bradshaw), the rookie QB Blade Braxton has done what looked to be impossible; he has led his Detroit Lions to the Superbowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Even more shockingly, the game is being played at home. (They don't say where, but my money would probably be on the Silverdome) And even more even more shockingly, he is described as a 'leader in the community'. I wonder if that's leading by being drunk (but only through Miller Lites and V8s)

Down by 5 with two minutes to go in the fourth quarter, the Brakestown successfully gets the 1st Down. However, an attempt at a thrown touchdown is thwarted when official Seymour Plays reviews it as incomplete. But with dramatic music at the ready, he successfully catches the ball deflected in the air, and then ultimately succeeds in getting the winning TD and winning an NFL championship for Hockeytown. He is even congratulated by the Steelers! (Which doesn't make much sense at first, but then you DO remember that Ben-R would probably congratulate him by flirting with him. Hey, you never know!) [You know suddenly I have this nightmare of this audio recording only with Gay Popeye as the star - Clarence]

In any case, I wonder what might happen if RD sends another of these gifts to him. Will he now be Captain of the Detroit Red Wings, playing once more against strong rivals Pittsburgh Penguins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals in the Joe Louis Arena? I'd pay good money to hear that.

189 White Christmas: December 21, 2010

91 minutes

RD knows about Blade's drunkenness beforehand, so he's ready to deflect his early bad jokes. Santa likes them though, and RD plays his crazy laughter from another famous bad movie to needle Blade's bawdiness. (Santa Claus Conquers The Martians) He should do that more often in my opinion.

:16 Five year old RD Junior is more mature than the radio progrem. SPEAKING OF people being mature, Blade wants to continue hosting the show with him when he gets of age, assuming he doesn't die or become Mike Check's new bunk-mate. Regardless, his local Santa has a barely disguised trash can as a 'postbox'. On the subject of other uses for a trash can, Blade is still thinking with his penis, angering RD to no end. His grandfather didn't have to put up with any of THAT stuff in his time!

:23 Batista's daughter has her own sex tape. Is that like a rite of passage nowadays? Fortunately RD shares my mischievous way of thinking and gets cleverly crafted revenge by 'leaving' for a few minutes. Thus, what would normally have been generic Sad News about some randomly generic woman connected to the New York Giants turning down an offer to work with WWE is made infinitely funnier, as drunk Blade is left stumbling over his lines and repeating himself, while (if you listen very closely) you can hear RD laugh quietly in the background. He should REALLY do this more often.

Meanwhile Scott Hall caused a 'disturbance' at a gas station. That's all we get from the Faxtrolla, which raises an important question: Was he being disturbed over the high cost of gas? This gives Blade license to shout randomly.

:38 'Satan' calls, sounding far more sober and calmer than Blade. Something's not right here...This time Shane Helms is angry at Shawn Michaels for some reason or other. Then again most people are too so it's not particularly uncommon or out of character really.

:43 John Kelly has another bad 'pun'/legal advice about Tara/Victoria's Custom Shop almost burning down.

:47 RD has had enough and skips to opening presents.

  • Harry Simon sent RD some video tapes. 
  • Kelly sent RD Rifftrax's DVD of Plan 9 From Outer Space, always a winner. 
  • Steven Breech sent Blade some action figures, some of them decapitated. He also had a He-Man bag clip thing. 
  • Stevey J sent RD some nice foods from Montreal and a Rocky III Thunderlips figure (not decapitated). 
  • Fire At The Time sent Blade Lita's Bestiality Video (on DVD!) as well as some trading cards for the duo. RD got a Tommy Dreamer on the toilet figure. 
  • Ed Salo sent the duo some Japanese cereal. He also found an old tabloid article about Ric Flair seemingly help plan Operation Desert Storm.
  • The Gillman sent a donation to the site, which was very charitable of him. 
:67 From Jake "Yippee" Lloyd Jr., RD gets his figure and a really old Star Wars game. Jake also sent Blade a throw of Boba Fett and Mickey Mouse as Luke. Stubby sent RD The Twilight Zone's Willie the dummy. Blade also sent him a King Pedophile shirt.

All-Time leader in Trashbags
Blade's last gift is perhaps the most interesting of all. (If you can call it that.) (:74) RD sent him an audio CD that's basically the sports equivalent of one of those personalized children's books where they find themselves within the story. In this case, Blade is the QB of the Lions (and a beacon of the community too at that), leading them against Pittsburgh in the Superbowl. RD plays an early excerpt but you can listen to the whole thing here. Now I wonder how it would sound if I were Captain of the Habitant playing against Detroit for the Stanley...[Hopefully better than this - Clarence]

:80 The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes have a 'gift' for the Listeners: a WCR rendition of The Twelve Days Of Christmas, made through a 'get together as a group' of the progrem's cast of characters that RD & Blade could do impressions of. Apparently they've already forgotten about the last time they got together, at the Roast, which was just months ago. Well, when it turned out like that, I'd try and forget about it too. Cue out of tune music.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas

On the First Day Of Christmas C.S. Irwin gave to me...
A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Second Day Of Christmas Angry Jim gave to me...
2 Fuck Yourselves (one for Johnny Ace and one for McMahon)
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Third Day Of Christmas Gay Popeye gives to me...
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk. 
2 Fuck Yourselves (one for RD and one for Blade)
And A Partridge in a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fourth Day Of Christmas Satan gave to me...
4 Virgin Sacrifices
3 Well Blow Me...Downs! Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Bottles of lube (my wife hasn't fucked me in about two years)
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Fifth Day Of Christmas Sir Alec gave to me...
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessed Wrestlers
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Years...of your wife not fucking you
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Sixth Day Of Christmas Dixie gave to me...
6 Sugar Cookies (to make a Samoa Joe snowman)
5 Long John Douches (right underneath the table)
4 Possessed Facebook Profiles
3 Big and Burly's
2 Bankrupt Restaurants
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Seventh Day Of Christmas Stubby gave to me...
7 Sleazy Crack Whores 
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches (gotta love that malt vinegar) 
4 Daemonic Twitters
3 Chocolate Turnovers
2 Nuts in Dark Journey's Mouth
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Eighth Day Of Christmas Nintendo John gave to me...
8 Power Gloves on the Nintendo (His audience cheers)
7 Contaminated Meals
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Evil MySpaces
3 Requests For Peter Gazer's Phone Number
2 Fuck Yourselves
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On the Ninth Day Of Christmas Mike Check he's going to give to you...
9 Bumper Stickers (from WSUX in Tuscaloosa, Alabama where he was Danny Dryson, and with Washington Jones did the Wash'N'Dry for the Tide)

RD: "I like it the song has come to a complete stop while he keeps talking."

8 Super Mario Games on the Nintendo
7 Sloppy Blow-Jobs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Failed Exorcisms
3 Periscopes
2 Assholes Shoved Up (Jim!)
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas Midnight Rose gave to me...
10 Dead Cockroaches
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Amazon Chops
7 Premature Ejaculations
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Possessions Of Sunny
3 Dock Dinghies
2 Meat Beatings
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas B.M. Punk gave to me...

(RD interrupts before he can shoot his load, the Scrooge)

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas R.D. Reynolds gave to me...
11 SPEAKING OFs...Verne Gagne masturbating
10 Copies of Maria's New Album
9 Bumper Stickers
8 Pro-Am On The Nintendo!
7 Bottles Of Wood Polish
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Bowls Of Pea Soup Vomit
3 Nights With Pluto
2 Feathered Boas
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

On The Twelth Day Of Christmas Blade Braxton gave to me...
12 Cans Of Miller Lite (and maybe 10 JPEGs of Mickie James naked too)
10 Scars From Eating Some Holiday Pineapple All Night Long
9 Bumper Stickers

Blade: "You're making this song feel like The 500 Days Of Christmas, buddy."

8 Back Issues Of Nintendo Power Magazine
7 Oozing STDs
6 Sugar Cookies
5 Long John Douches
4 Linda Blair Nude Photos
3 Not Just Spinach that Gay Popeye likes in the can, Ah gyuk-gyuk-gyuk-gyuk.
2 Packs Of Beef Jerky from JR's Restaurant (and not from that cocksucker Hillbilly Jim)
And A a Pear Tree. (YEAHHH...)

Minisode #188 The Misadventures of Black Friday

by iggy

December 3, 2010

Candy Bar Woman at Target
Strawberry Man at Meijer
Wheel Chair Lady at Menard's
Marty Janetty raps for New Jack.
C.S. Irwin drops in.
The Don Mason Championship Belt
Haiku about Juan Cena

#kind-hearted gentle people #si

Random Thoughts from the Office: December 3, 2010

Not that wrestling makes their belts mean anything either, but that's a whole other column.

- The end to my column last week

Leave it to the WWE to screw up the Miz's first title defense and totally prove my point. Okay, I understand it was Jerry "The King" Lawler's birthday. I understand that he can still put on a believable and in fact very entertaining match pretty much on the fly like he did on Monday night. But you know what?


It doesn't matter because just when Miz needed to have a strong and sustained push to make him look like a credible champion and not someone who just "lucked out" with Money in the Bank (See Swagger, Jack), he's left looking like a paper champion who couldn't even beat Raw's color announcer without Michael Cole's help.

Why is it so hard these days for wrestling to get what seems to be a very simple premise correct? The World Champion is the face of your brand, the face of your company, the image you want to portray to the viewing audience to say "This is why you should watch us". If the World Champion looks weak then by osmosis your brand looks weak. Because if your World Champion is constantly losing in non title matches and tag matches and being made to look like a jobber (Hello once again Mr. Swagger), then what does that say about the other guys who can't get the belt off him in title matches?

Look at the NWA for an example. Their World Champion had to not only represent his territory but ALL the NWA Territories around the world and he had a very tough line to tread. He couldn't make himself look good at the expense of the opponent he was facing that night because that guy, usually the top star of the particular territory he was in, would still have to draw a crowd the next week when the Champion wasn't there. But at the same time he had to make sure to keep himself looking good enough that the NWA Board of Directors didn't start wondering "Why the hell do we have the belt on him in the first place?"

Ric Flair was of course the golden child when it came to this. His gimmick of the "Nature Boy" was just perfect for getting heat from the fans and getting them most importantly to pay money to see their guy beat him up, just like it did for Buddy Rogers all those years ago. Hey, one of the biggest things ever in wrestling was the day Bruno Sammartino beat Buddy Rogers. And that wasn't even for the NWA World Title, it was for the WWWF (Now WWE) title. The crowd was so hot, the atmosphere so electric that the fact the match only lasted 48 seconds before Bruno put Buddy away with the backbreaker is usually forgotten because it meant so much for the fans. But Flair was the expert at riling up the fans, making their guy look like he might just beat him and yet somehow always escaping with either a draw or a tainted win. The babyface was always a bigger star in his own territory because the fans believed he was robbed. Flair was able to continue saying "I've still got the belt. I make more money than you. I'm better than you." and the whole cycle would start anew until finally there came a night where Flair would falter, like the first match of his legendary 1989 series against Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat. Steamboat got the rub from Flair that pushed him into the stratosphere and he wasn't on the same level battling anyone else as he did in his wars against the "Nature Boy"

Which brings me to my second point, which I've made before but it bears mentioning again.

Babyfaces sell MERCHANDISE
Heels sell TICKETS

Don't think for a second I'm just a heel backer and I'm totally dismissing the work of guys like Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Rob Van Dam and Goldberg. I'm not. But a babyface is always disadvantaged in wrestling, it's a sad but true fact. A babyface cannot be anything without a strong heel backing him up. [You're only as good as your strongest opponent, or so they say.] Would Hulk Hogan's resume look as good without him beating Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III? Would Goldberg have been half the star he became without beating Hulk Hogan in the Georgia Dome? I think not.

Go back to TNA earlier this year and the live Impact where Rob Van Dam become World Heavyweight Champion: It was the greatest current wrestling show put on by ANY company this year (Note I said Current: So I don't include Old School Raw, although I could even argue Impact's case then). What opened the show? Don't remember? The Hulk Hogan promo about what it was like being the champion and what it meant to be the top dog in the business. Now don't get me wrong, if after that promo RVD and Jeff Hardy and then RVD and AJ Styles had gone out and had either 4 minute TV matches like the Desmond Wolfe debacle or 20 minute snoozefests then it wouldn't have helped TNA as much; but they laid everything on the line, pulled out all the stops and in the back of your mind Hulk Hogan's words rang in your head and you knew WHY they were doing it. Then you wanted your guy to win or retain so he could BE that top guy Hulk Hogan was talking about. From there, the results speak for themselves: the best Impact of the year, arguably the best television show put out by any of the wrestling companies in the year. I would even argue it might have been the best show of the year period. Because for the first time in a long time the World Championship MEANT something and by connection the guys fighting for it meant something.

Turn that to the WWE. Does anyone REALLY think Kane is a credible World Champion? Really? They've had three chances to make a really huge new star this year. And so far twice they've blown it and the other is still undecided. The first chance was of course the man we've been dancing around all column: Jack Swagger, who was buried as champion so far you might has well have him carry a sign to the ring that says "Midcarder for life". Blown chance number two? Wade Barrett. Wade was the leader of the hottest heel group the WWE has had in years, all of them uniting together on a common goal. And Barrett made you believe he would do anything, take out anyone to get what he wanted, which was the WWE championship from Randy Orton, so finally Wade gets his shot at Survivor Series. Finally you have your chance to make a huge star, a heel that can make your babyfaces look like a million dollars for years to come and what does the WWE do? They turn it into a game of "Let's Make a Deal" starring John Cena. The opportunity was lost and Barrett will probably NEVER get that chance again.

Which brings us to opportunity number three: The Miz. He's been building ever higher for a year, getting slowly more and more over till the point came where they were finally ready to give him the ball and tell him to run with it. Then came Monday Night. Have they blown it? Well the jury is still out on that one. It can be retrieved but if it balloons off into something with Michael Cole I'm not exactly confident.

Over the past two columns I've taken a look at stipulations and titles. Are they the be all and end all of wrestling? No. If you can make the audience believe in them, the superstars and characters can still get fans coming through the gate and buying your pay per views. But they do form the foundation on which the whole thing is built, and like any good building when the foundation goes, when the fans start thinking stipulations and titles are meaningless you're well on the way to seeing the whole house of cards come tumbling down. But if you make them mean something and make them believable and let the fans suspend their disbelief while making those foundations strong...Then the sky is the limit.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

188 Buying Buttons: December 3, 2010

87 minutes

Blade being still as lazy (and drunk) as ever gives RD pause. He and Don went to a Misfits show and went to the dentist's (though not at the same time.) He attributes this to 'basic chemistry'.

Sad News: RD & Blade are currently at the bottom of the FF league...while I am second. Hmmm. Blade's brother-in-law had a fantasy team named the Manboobie Bombers. I'm surprised Blade didn't beat him to the punch to name his own team that.

:20 Mama keeps breaking plates. RD's latest Black Friday outing took him to three stores opening earlier than usual. At Target the woman in front of RD has troubles getting a discount with candy bars. At Meijer someone had a full cart of strawberries and one (1) cucumber. Popeye is interested. At Menards the Chick-Fil-A cow paid a visit providing free cocoa for all. A woman in line used a wheelchair for a cart. Perhaps she somehow gained temporary superhuman strength to get through the day's challenges? [Well Black Friday Woman would make a better superhero than Subtracting Man at least - Clarence]

:42 Blade & Corey & Don went to see the Misfits while in Kansas. (Blade is reminded of that time Don peed on a cripple.) Wearing his Rose mask he managed to get Jerry Only to go with a Celebrity TRIP with him, where we find that he loves the Peanut Butter Crunch and calls RD an elephant.

:52 'Satan' calls again. Marty Jannetty is now rapping on New Jack's FB page. His 'lyrics' are so bad that even RD has to censor him. That's unnecessary in my opinion; after all, only 12 people listen to this show and they're probably too socially insecure to contact their local representative to tell them their sensibilities are being offended. Bah!

:59 Was Mickie James exposed? She had some sort of nipple slip and her dress went flying away while performing. Blade is of course very amused.

:63 RD prefers Blade's Question to the one actually sent this week (by Shawn). A minute later John Kelly calls to discuss Jeff Hardy's strange looking belt. He's so bad that David Lee Roth soundboards in just to say "No." Is he the new Chief Jay Strongbow now? RD wastes time reading about a children's game on Wikipedia.

:73 Someone (Caitlyn) wins on a show (NXT) not even on TV any more. New world champion Miz went against Jerry Lawler for a bit. Blade discovers Hardy's belt has Don's mask on it. Looks like it's time for Jeff to bring out the corn oil! John "Yawn" Cena still shows up on TV despite being 'fired'. His Mexican cousin Juan Cena is now on the air with him.

Seventeen Holiday Syllables on him:
Mexican Cena.
What is his Spanish catchphrase?
"¿You can't si me?"

Minisode #187 So-Cal Val's Nose

by iggy

November 24, 2010

Captain E-O is back.
So-Cal Val's day job
Satan uses Sunny.
Angry Jim has a new food delivery venture.
C.S. Irwin talks about So-Cal Val's nose.
Haiku about WWE's Top 50

#evil borg people #no time for turkey tips

Random Thoughts from the Office: November 26, 2010

Well Blah is right. I can't not talk about TNA shilling at Disneyland. What they really need though is Hulk Hogan on another sound stage doing Thunder In Paradise 3.

Actually it's not like it's the worst idea TNA ever had. Anything that might get more people looking at your product is a good idea. I'm just not sure the Disney audience is the place to start. I think they'd be more Six Flags.

But ultimately that's not what I want to talk about this week. In fact I don't even want to really discuss TNA, although they are just as guilty of committing this misdeed as the WWE. But Survivor Series and the Monday Night Raw the day after has got my attention this week and it's not for a good reason like they want it to be with The Miz winning the title.

Just why can't wrestling nowadays honor its stipulations? Is the quest for ratings and marketable stars that devoid that we can't go one week without John Cena or whoever might be fired and/or retired this week? And if so why should we as wrestling fans waste 40-50 dollars a month buying the pay per views when there's a pretty good chance the stipulation - if there is one -  isn't going to be honored, or if there's a title match we'll just see it again on TV the very next night?

It's a fundamental problem in wrestling nowadays and no one in the WWE especially seems to grasp that all it does is weaken your product. Let's look at The Miz's title win on Raw. The guy who's arguably been the top heel in the company for the past year finally getting what was his due and winning the WWE Title and becoming the champion everyone wanted him to be. A good moment? Definitely but the point I'm trying to make is it should have meant so much MORE than what it did.

The problem is of course the WWE has pushed predictability too far.Whereas TNA just choose the most stupid option to "Swerve" the fans, the WWE just doesn't seem to care if the fans get it or not. The moment for Miz was wrecked because everyone knew he was going to win the title the moment he cashed in Money in the Bank. While we like to follow the story and predict where it goes because we are wrestling fans, there comes a point where it becomes so predicable the other guy, in this case Randy Orton doesn't have a shot, that's bad.

Let me put it this way: Let's just say for a moment Miz cashes in Money in the Bank just like he did on Raw, the match goes just as it did on Raw....except when Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale Orton slips out the backdoor and hits the RKO to win. Miz, shocked and horrified, snaps and destroys Orton, literally beats him to the point where Randy not only can't defend the title but may not ever wrestle again it seems. It gets Miz over as a dangerous man, a man who can end careers and more of a main event threat than just handing the belt on a silver platter. Miz may then go on to win the belt at the Royal Rumble and just as he starts to celebrate, here comes Orton from the crowd to get revenge. Only Miz somehow escapes. Instant Wrestlemania Main Event, Randy Orton is finally cemented as the babyface you want him to be and you have a bankable heel in the main event for years to come.

But it's John Cena that angers me more. Let's get one thing perfectly clear: If it wasn't for Roddy Piper, Survivor Series would have been the biggest bomb ever seen since Heroes of Wrestling. Because the WWE failed in the one thing they had to do above anything else: Make John Cena seem conflicted.

Can you imagine back in the day around Summerslam 88 when Randy Savage was then WWF champion, with Hulk Hogan somehow losing to Andre the Giant so he had to join the Heenan Family? It can be Ted DiBiase becoming come his servant, it's not important; the key aspect is Hogan losing and being forced to join a heel group, just like Cena was with Nexus. Now let's say at Summerslam Andre or Ted challenges Randy for the title, and through nefarious means (maybe for instance paying off Jack Tunney), Hogan is installed as guest referee with the same proviso Cena had. If Hogan helps the heel win he's free, if Savage wins he's fired. Can you imagine the promos that would've ensued as Hogan agonized over being the Hero to all his little Hulkamaniacs or keeping his job? It would've worked perfectly.

But with Cena? I don't hate John Cena as much as some but he doesn't have the ability to look sympathetic, though a lot of that is the WWE's fault, not his. He's constantly booked to "overcome the odds" to the point where some have cynically referred to him as "The Last Son of Krypton", a reference to his Superman-like ability to beat anyone. But even with that to then have Wade Barrett come out and say "Oh I want to hear what he has to say, so he can come back" is just a slap in the face to everyone who paid for Survivor Series and it tells people stipulations mean nothing. And when stipulations mean nothing, there's no reason to get emotionally involved, which becomes a huge problem, because if the fans aren't emotionally involved, ultimately they stop watching.

Ironically this is one of the few aspects TNA is BETTER than the WWE in, although it is hit or miss. Remember the XXX-America's Most Wanted wars? When Daniels and Skipper lost to AMW in the "Loser must disband" match, TNA to their credit adhered to it, even in their goofy gimmick matches for the X division title where they started with a tag match. Skipper had to tag with AJ Styles and Mike Tenay quickly explained this was because of the earlier match when Daniels and Skipper lost and even was able to get a dig at WWE in by saying something to the effect of "Because here in TNA we honor our stipulations". And for the most part they always have, even to the point where it seems stupid to do so.

Stipulations aren't everything in wrestling but they form a critical part of the structure that has worked since wrestling began. If the fans believe in them they will follow you to the ends of the earth. Once stipulations fail however, you're left with nothing but your titles to sell your company with.

Not that wrestling makes their belts mean anything either, but that's a whole other column.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

187 The Final Frontier...Of Crap!: November 24, 2010

80 minutes

RD gives a disclaimer: This was recorded on Monday night, around the same time that the Miz defeated CM Punk to become WWE Champion. Obviously BM is not happy.

Sad News: Jillian Hall has been released. Blade wants to ring a bell for her. Luke Gallows was also released, but since he was basically Blade's clone he doesn't really care. Also, Blade looked Husky Harris on the days that he didn't look like Brian Pillman.

With the previous episode being really good (in their opinion anyway), they thus have the fearful thought that today's would not be terrible in Star Trek III. I don't know, it wasn't THAT bad. I mean, have they seen the recent J.J. Abrams movie?

Or the Voyager episode "Threshold" for that matter.

Old School RAW somehow brought back Lord Alfred through a terrible impersonation, so Blade counters with HIS terrible Lord Alfred impersonation. Needless to say it sounds too Oriental, like Christopher Lee when he played Fu Manchu. (Assuming anyone could see him anyway.) They thus wonder how Global Internet's Greg's voice impersonations would go. (Probably surprisingly well, in my opinion.) Blade gets strange dreams dozing off while listening to them discuss Craig DeGeorge on earlier episodes. Also for Thanksgiving, a special treat: All 6 WC DVDs can be yours for just $21! (Too bad I already have them all.) Be warned, their books now look different somehow.

:24 RD took another trip to Disneyland in the last few days. While waiting in line to Captain EO he saw someone shill for the TNA taping taking place nearby. Needless to say, few came. (Now why do I feel Clarence will write something about this this week?) Also for some reason some promotional advertising Shrek 4D seemed to involve SoCal Val. The two wonder on the mystery of her vanishing nose.

:39 A George Foreman biopic may have Ernest "The Kat" Miller in the title role. [No doubt this will have George calling someone's momma after he gets "Rope-a-Doped" - Clarence] On the other end of the movie making business Joanie Laurer attempts to squash rumors she is making another porn movie. SPEAKING OF the strange things people do,  Blade's ex-girlfriend got angry over yet another picture of a wrestling diva.

:51 The Devil makes another call in. He reveals his plan of taking over the world through social networking sites. This time Tammy Sytch is angry at WWE yet again for passing her by on their Legends show. Then Satan wishes the two a Happy Thanksgiving. He's nothing if not considerate, I'll give him that.

:56 Jim Ross calls in, angry as ever, especially considering he was recently at the Legends show. He's making his time losing money by selling turkeys from ice cream vans. Needless to say it did not go well. Now, if he had turkey flavored ice cream...

Meanwhile Mickey James is going to have Meet & Greet in Virginia. Of course Blade would probably miss his chance to go see her.

:66 John Kelly calls. There are rumors that Hogan's gotten married to someone who is looks like Brooke. His puns are all over the place in response, causing RD to finally admit he doesn't think of him as a good TNA correspondent any more. This means only one thing - he's going to have a 'tragic' death soon. I fully expect Jimmy Smits to replace him for the role.

:71 The latest DVD release of the Top 50 Superstars in WWE History did not go well with many people, due to the fact that Hogan is #23, ahead of Bruno Sammartino.

Seventeen (plus Five) Syllables of exception to it:
Top 50 Wrestlers.
What a total load of shit.
Where are Ax and Smash?/Where is Adonis?

RD "I don't think a lot of people will be thankful for this show."

Minisode #186 Beef Jerky

by iggy

November 5, 2010

New sponsors
Angry Jim talks beef jerky.
Sir Alec returns.
A question from Russia
C.S. Irwin hosts The Feud.
Linda loses.
Hulk exposes.

#you're rude # video toaster

Random Thoughts from the Office: November 5, 2010

Wait? This isn't a swerve? There actually was a Wrestlecrap Radio this week? Back to back weeks? Well that's just great, I actually didn't mind the two shows I've seen so far this week (Raw and Impact) so how am I supposed to put out a column when I have no material? Well I guess I'm going to have to.......

*Clarence looks in trash can*


Ahhh the old "Break in case of emergency" column, the one I was hoping I never had to use. Regular readers may remember how I thought Mickie James joining TNA was a bad idea, an idea that worsened when Katie Lea Burchill joined. I mean forget pay for a second, as bad as that is it's not the fundamental problem of the Knockouts division. There's a much greater problem that I see with them that disappoints me more than that. That being: The fact that what once was a place where womens' wrestling might have had a chance to thrive is now a cheap WWE ripoff.

Now regular readers also may remember I shelved the column a day before I meant to post it because I watched Victory Road 2009 and decided I needed to go a different direction, but I said then I'm sure I'd have a reason to bring the column back someday. I just never thought "Lack of material" would be my excuse, especially with TNA doing such stupid things on a regular basis and things in the WWE like the NXT wedding, but that was more "funny" stupid than "I can make a column" stupid. Not that I like being negative, hey I liked a lot of Bragging Rights, just like I liked a lot of Bound for Glory. But I find I work better in the negative than the positive.

Which brings me back to the Knockouts Cheap WWE Womens' Division Ripoff. Back in 2007 TNA began the Knockouts division, putting out promos that said they were more about the athleticism of the women rather than them being quote unquote "Barbie Dolls" (Why they centered these around Christy Hemme then is a mystery because when I think athletic womens' wrestling, she's not exactly at the top of anyone's list). They created a title and put it on one of the best female wrestlers going around, Gail Kim, and for a while as they brought in talent like Awesome Kong, Melissa Anderson (Alyssa Flash to the TNA fans) and others they looked for a while like they were going to live up to the hype, and for the first time on a national level womens' wrestling looked like it was going to be something to be respected.

But things change and opinions change, and TNA ended up doing the same thing every national federation has done with womens' wrestling and what every national federation will continue to do in the future. They went back to the lowest common denominator. It all started with the debut of a stable called "The Beautiful People", Angelina Love, Velvet Sky and Madison Raine. Three gorgeously hot women no doubt and athletically they are competent in the ring, but the fact remains, for the first time looks outranked athletic ability. And Angelina, who if I were in a crueler mood I might mention looks like she graduated from the Jillian Hall school of how to get on TV, was pushed to win the Knockouts title.

Not that they're not at least window dressing down the list. Sarita, Taylor Wilde, Hamada, Daffney, they can all wrestle. They recently tried out SHIMMER star Jennifer Blake so perhaps they're aware of it. But the final nail in the coffin for the Knockouts division was the announcement that they had signed a deal to have their wrestlers pose nude in Playboy, just like the WWE did so many years ago. At that point in my opinion the whole circle was complete and athletic ability was pushed aside for looks.

Still TNA fans waited with baited breath to see who would be the first Knockout, as there were a lot of hopeful candidates. Melissa Anderson, manager/interview/part time wrestler. So Cal Val, Christy Hemme (even if she'd done it before in WWE), Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, the list went on and on. Then the big announcement came.

Traci Brooks.

And the whole thing pretty much went downhill from there.

Don't get me wrong. Traci had been the longest serving female in the company to that point, she was one of the better female wrestlers they had do I put this delicately? Traci has two looks....or as I would say, she's an Either/Or. She's EITHER a passably attractive woman OR she looks like what would happen if the late Michael Jackson mated with your Tupperware set, had a child and that child got smashed in the face with a brick. It got so bad for TNA that Brooks wasn't even put in the magazine. Her photos were released in the Playboy Cyber Club, a place that most wrestling fans never even knew existed and even less would sign up to see (They'd wait for the photos to leak like every other wrestler who's ever posed in Playboy).

The current situation both confuses and irritates me. TNA had something going; womens' wrestling CAN be a solid key to a wrestling company, stand alone women's federations like SHIMMER have shown us that. Yet it seems that in the end women wrestlers will forever be disrespected on a national stage unless you have a pretty face, a large set of breasts and a tight ass. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but at the moment the only thing TNA is knocking out is the conception that their womens' division is any different to WWE's.

Still things could be worse, I don't see any INS agents on TNA's programming.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 11: "Love Conquers All"

Love Conquers All
Written by YaoiSlashLover
As narrated by Sir Alec Heineken

I walked silently to the locker room, my hair covering my face as the sound of heavy soles on the floor bounced off the walls. My eyes cut up to see Kane standing at the end of the hallway. I closed my eyes and tried my best to not say anything. As I passed him, my wrist was grabbed. My eyes widened as my head snapped back over my shoulder to see Kane staring at me, his eyes gazing into mine. This always happened to us. Whether we were on the same page or not, we would get locked in a staring contest, waiting for someone to make the first move. My eyes narrowed as Kane turned to me, his eyes filled with tears. I couldn't tell if they were tears of hatred or regret. I suddenly grabbed him by the arm and jerked him towards me, our noses touching dangerously. I shot daggers through his soul as I looked like I was ready to kill. A shred of doubt entered his eyes and I released him. He turned away, the shadows drowning him in darkness. But I knew he was trying to conceal the flowing tears. I stepped into the shadows and slipped my hand in his, lacing my fingers between his. He didn't bother to look at me or to say a word but simply did the same, gripping onto me tightly. The hallway filled with darkness as I heard Kane trying to keep his crying to a minimum and I knew he was trying to say he was sorry. I sighed heavily and placed my hand behind his head, pressing my lips to his forehead tenderly. He knew he was forgiven. I know he did some harsh things to me but he's my little brother. He's all I have left. I felt him wrap his arms around me and I couldn't help but return the embrace, laying my head on top of his, trying to ease his nerves. After a minute or two, Kane calmed down but didn't release his grip on me. I wasn't complaining. Yes, it's true, my brother is a dumb-ass but he's my dumb-ass. Not many people see past the bitterness and occasional alliance we share with each other in the ring. We have a private life we keep secret because if people knew, they'd try to hurt us. How do we know? Because we've tried to hurt each other. It's as simple as that. I kept my arms around my baby brother and slid my hand up and down his spine in attempts to console him. I felt his breathe on my neck and felt him nudge me. He was now asking me a question. He was asking me if I loved him. And not in the brotherly way most people are used to seeing. I simply nudged him back and I knew he was smiling. This caused me to crack a small smile as I felt him lace his fingers with mine. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, kissing his neck tenderly, leaving my mark on him. My kisses left bruises on him and nobody but us knew what they were for. A symbol that love conquers all. No matter how angry or upset you are with your opposite other. Anger fades overtime and with my baby brother and I, all it takes is a simple embrace to erase the anger. Without saying a word, we can tell each other stories. Our eyes are like books and our bodies are the words within those books. Waiting to be read and spoken aloud. Our feelings for one another are another story. It has no end. Just empty pages of love, always repeating itself. And with that, we walked back to the locker room, our love slipping into the darkness once more. The next time anyone would see us, we would back to being enemies. To them we would be anyway. To us, our love was a secret. And our secret was kept within our hearts. Forever.

The end.

186 Show me...Hulk's penis!: November 5, 2010

82 minutes

"Old School RAW" is upcoming, but it does not seem to involve Rob Bartlett or the Rizzotti sisters, according to Lord Alfred shills while Blade interrupts promotional consideration. Yes he's drunk. How ever did you guess?

:16 RD talking about Slim Jims is interrupted by Blade being interrupted by crickets, 'senate news', eating Slim Jims with Don (which is not even a Don story) and an ACTUAL Don story, where he molested a girl at seven with a stick. His music plays throughout.

:24 Hillbilly Jim has made some kind of jerk beef turkey. Jealous of this, a very angered Jim Ross calls. RD gets rid of him by asking about his wife.

:29 Some things are going on at NXT, most notably a 'fake wedding' between Oksana Baiul and Goldust with reference to Johnny Ace, Ted DiBiase Sr presiding, Border Patrol Officer Dick Apopolos in attendance, Michael Cole's gong, and Caitlyn. Meanwhile Jeff Hardy is now a father. (:39) Also, Blade & Midnight Rose seem to be tag teaming at various places.

:45 Sir Alec and his audience entourage are currently visiting Philadelphia at Ultimate Kennedy's story request, or so he says. The real reason however, is that he wants to help thrash the old Spectrum. He reads something about Kane and the Undertaker's brotherly love, in the literal sense.

:53 Blade tells a story about his strange ex-girlfriend that he promised he would tell from last week, for some reason using some music from Psycho. Was her last name Bates or something? One time she was sick of Eric Bischoff on her TV screen.

:56 Question. Sergei on Facebook wonders how come when one wrestler enters, often the other wrestler vacates the ring for him. Blade thinks of it as a matter of pride.

:62 SPEAKING of wonderings, John Kelly reminds us of TNA being on Family Feud. This for some reason warrants RD and Blade going at each other at the Face Off. RD gets the number one answer when he wants a GLOW run in at the game show. Then John leaves. 

:67 Linda loses her election, Vince loses his erection, and they both lose $50 million. Lita returns to RAW, to Blade's delight. What he is NOT delighted about is Pee Wee Herman guest hosting, as he reflects on the strange man. RD apologizes for him. Also Hogan flashed his penis while playing some game or other while Brooke was watching. There's probably an incest joke to be made here (but not by me).

Seventeen Syllables about Hulk Hogan's penis:
Hulk's exposed penis.
He got 'Juicy' with Brooke and Hart.
Limp five inch python.

Minisode #185 Halloween with the Nephews

by iggy

October 29, 2010

Roddy Piper has Halloween rules.
Betsy Russell will kill the show.
Arby's chocolate turnover
Popeye and his nephews trick-or-treat at Blade's.
Blade has his own Halloween rule.
Satan uses Dutch Mantel.
Angry Jim made a UWF Haunted House.
Ultimate Kennedy asks what employees should smell like.
C.S. Irwin talks about Winter.
Brock stares at Undertaker.
WWE shirts are banned from the polls in Connecticut.

#slither #why is my life like this

Random Thoughts from the Office: October 29, 2010

"The more things change. The more they stay the same". Sounds like Snake Plisken was a prophet for the wrestling industry of 2010.

What an interesting few weeks it has been. There's no longer a official WrestleCrap forum, Brock Lesnar got knocked the fuck out and then the wrestling community lost their minds at the prospect of a Brock-Undertaker fight. As cool as their hell in a cell match was I feel the same way about a Brock vs Undertaker match as I do watching Kane vs Undertaker now. I've been there, I've done my time and it's not exactly high on the list of "Matches I want to see again".

Both companies have had pay per views and Bound for Glory was "Eh". I believe the term I would describe for it is a phrase that Scott Keith used in his reviews, that being "Entertaining Crap". I actually haven't seen Bragging Rights, the first wrestling pay per view since they were available I've ever missed, and to be quite honest there's nothing that makes me want to go out of my way to see it. I would say the Daniel(son) Bryan-Dolph Ziggler match, but really I've seen that twice already this week so why bother?

But for this week I'm going to go back to the door of TNA, and specifically the end of Bound for Glory and the reveal of THEY. We all knew it was going to be Hogan and Bischoff but the surprise was the Jeff Hardy heel turn. Surprising because no one would ever think TNA would be that stupid but surprising nonetheless.

The whole turn is an indication of something that really irritates the hell out of me in wrestling today in terms of how both companies, more often than not TNA but WWE are guilty of it too, book their shows. That thing being the writer/booker's incessant need to make things unpredictable, or to "swerve" the audience.

Again as I usually do right before I bash him, I have to say I love Vince Russo as a writer: A statement that would have a lot of people asking me to hand in my "Smart Mark" card. But the thing is he actually TRIES to be different and tries to include everyone rather than just the "Chosen Few". Some of his ideas have actually been quite novel, not always working but quite novel. Things like the King of the Mountain match became a trademark of TNA, the Main Event Mafia storyline was compelling television to me, the way he introduced Desmond Wolfe had people thinking he was the next breakout star of wrestling. I never get people who say Vince Russo is a bad writer, he has bad IDEAS yes, but he's not a bad writer.

Vince Russo though has one fatal character flaw, just like Stephanie McMahon has a fatal character flaw, just like Brian Gerwitz has a fatal character flaw and just like guys like Eric Bischoff have a fatal character flaw: They think they are smarter than the audience and as such they feel the need to make the unbelievable believable.

Let's go back in time to 1987 and the buildup to Wrestlemania 3. Andre ripping the cross off of Hogan on Piper's Pit. The whole fanbase believing Hogan didn't have a prayer of beating him, which was only backed up during the Battle Royal on Saturday Night's Main Event when Andre manhandled Hogan and sent him out of the match. Few people actually remember Andre didn't win that Battle Royal, he was ganged up on and eliminated shortly after but everyone remembers him eliminating Hogan.

It all built up to the big event at the Pontiac Silverdome, where Hogan slammed Andre and finally beat Andre clean in the ring. Was that predictable? Of course it was! But it made people suspend their disbelief and that is the key thing that will give you the keys to the kingdom.

Because even today as wrestling fans, we want to suspend our disbelief, we want to sit down for a couple of hours, forget how much our lives may or may not suck and lose ourselves in the world of wrestling. That's why Steve Austin was the biggest name in wrestling, because he was the everyman standing up to Corporate America. The fans suspended their disbelief and lived vicariously through him as he gave Vince McMahon hell on a weekly basis.

You want a more modern basis? Well let me ask you a couple of questions: How many of you...and be honest with yourself as you read through this. How many of you honestly with all your heart BELIEVED that Shawn Michaels was going to end the Undertaker's streak at Wrestlemania this year? Now I'm not trying to put words in people's mouths but I'm willing to bet that the answer is somewhat less than one in ten. Now, did knowing Shawn was going to lose and thus retire take away from your enjoyment of the match? Again without putting words in your mouths I'm guessing the majority of the answers are "No".

Now change this to Bound for Glory. You have two ready made storylines that while predictable are just sitting right there ready to go. Mr. Anderson, the Ultimate Asshole wins his way into TNA's fans hearts but has been focused on the one goal ever since he came in: The TNA Title and because he is an asshole, he gains Jeff's trust and right at the moment of his triumph takes him out and joins THEY. It's simple, it works, the fans want to kill him for using them. Jeff Hardy wants him for betraying his trust, the story writes itself.

On the other hand you have Kurt Angle. He has to win the gold or retire, there's no second chance for him, so to save his career and get what he so craves he does a deal with the devil and joins THEY to become the centerpiece of TNA once again. Hardy and Anderson, angered and hurt believing they're the new blood of TNA take the fight back to THEY and again, the story writes itself from there.

But Jeff Hardy, the guy who's a death-defying rebel. the man for whom there is no control, no limits, no motivation other than to give his heart and soul for TNA..he wants to join THEY why? Because no matter how stupid it seems, the powers that be think if you can see it coming you won't like it. Thus we always get the stupidest one of the three.

Now I know some people will say that the ring was pelted with garbage and such and it seemed to have heat and work. My answer to that is there's a difference between genuine heat and "This is Stupid" heat. Here's how you tell the difference for those playing the home game.

Hogan turning at Bash at the Beach '96 - Genuine Heat.
The whole fucking J-Woww segment - "This is Stupid" heat.

Just because a story is predictable doesn't mean it won't work, just because having someone turn because "They'll never see it coming" doesn't make it a good idea. The minute the fans can suspend their disbelief is the minute you'll start making money and the minute you stop talking down to your audience is the moment they stop walking away.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

185 Bloody Halloween: October 29, 2010

81 minutes

Blade is 'sober' again on this special Halloween, which once again involves Roddy Piper PSAs. Something involving the theme song to Over The Top.

:20 The Trip is going in circles/time loops. Quisp cereal. Swearing at restaurants. Arby's Chocolate Turnover is something BM Punk would like.

RD breaks the cycle and knocks on the door so Popeye can visit, playing his theme music on speakerphone. (:26) He brings his 'nephews' Huey, Dewie and Louie, Pimpeye, Peepeye and Poopeye who sound like Jake Lloyd Jr, for trick or treating. Blade doesn't give them anything as they didn't follow Roddy's rules. "If you're old enough to knock up a woman, you're too old to be knocking on doors on Halloween," says he. "And make sure whenever you knock up that woman, you say please and thank ya!" adds RD.

:32 RD wants you to Sit Down For WrestleCrap. The Great Khali is appearing in the Indian variant of Big Brother because 'his wife wanted him to'. The show is named Big Boss for some reason, but unfortunately I don't believe David Hayter would be involved in any capacity with it. Meanwhile the Boogeyman is now calling himself Slither. Blade yawns.

:38 For some reason Satan, i.e. the Devil, calls in, fully prepared with the theme to The Exorcist. Dirty Dutch Mantell is talking smack on his Facebook page. Wait, he has a Facebook page? This 'Devil' has more important things to do, like laugh evilly at his favorite team New Jersey for burning $100 million dollars on Ilya Kovulchuk, so he randomly says 'I'm leaving now' and uses the midi Star Trek TNG music to disappear. I wonder, could he be... RD once again calls the show incomprehensible.

Sad News to Blade: the original Centaur Jenna Van Oy has recently married. Our current Centaur looked great on TNA, according to Blade's nonsense rapping. She's also going to be 'auctioned' for charity like some kind of prop. For some reason Blade wants to win the auction with a roofie, if he doesn't pull a Don Mason and take it himself before hand of course.

:50 Jim Ross calls in. Angered by legends shows done by other wrestlers, and the failure of his lawn mowing BBQ business, he decides to make his own UWF Haunted House. Featuring Sting as the Invisible Man! Of course, he can only attract one customer with his $200 fee. (Was it Steve Williams?)

:60 Ultimate Kennedy (10) asks about the perfect employee smell. Blade says tuna.

SPEAKING OF employees John Kelly calls, on track to break the TNA Corresponding record. Of course there's a problem, as Blade's street has suddenly transformed into a stock car racetrack. After we learn that Katie Lee Burchill will appear on TNA as Winter, J.K. gives everyone a near scare when he gets hit by a Pontiac (driven by the Devil, one would wonder) [The Devil can't play a fiddle. What chance does he have to drive a stick shift? - Clarence]. Thankfully he manages to evade becoming his own crime scene by doing a Starsky and Hutch style dodge over the car roof.

:69 RD and Blade make fun of the foolish wrestling community for thinking that the Undertaker would brawl with Brock Lesnar while watching him at an MMA match. Huey has a laughing fit at this. Voters in Connecticut are (finally? I guess) allowed to wear WWE shirts while at the booths. I don't really get it either.

Laying down Seventeen Syllables to get us out of it:
Wrestling shirts at polls.
Why Vince sued Connecticut.
Linda still won't win.

Minisode #184 Gratuitous Krankor

by iggy

October 8, 2011

RJ Fletcher dies.
Michael Cole uses the gong.
Madden Doritos
George "The Animal" Steel takes a flip dive.
C.S. Irwin talks about TNA drug tests.
Nintendo John calls.

#beautiful day in the neighborhood #the children are unhappy

Random Thoughts from the Office: October 8, 2010

I'm in hell.

I am seriously in hell right now. I must be. It wasn't bad enough that I had to sit through that abomination of a main event at the Hell in a Cell pay per view, one that so totally sucked the life and enjoyment for what was actually a pretty decent show for me up till that point. Now the Antichrist of WrestleCrap Radio shows back up? Boy am I just one happy lawyer? But hey. Ain't nothing gonna break-a my stride, not even Nintendo John.

I've been thinking a lot since Sunday's pay per view about the current state of wrestling and how I personally feel about it. I mean, I hate being so negative all the time here in my column and on the WrestleCrap forums. I still love professional wrestling as a means of entertainment, but more and more recently I find myself a lot more negative than positive about the current states of both the WWE and TNA. Although there are still moments that excite me in wrestling: Ring of Honor, the Dragon Gate USA shows, SHIMMER. There is still a lot to like about wrestling.

However, when it comes to wrestling choice on a weekly basis when I live I have basically the WWE and TNA, and their product recently has left me cold and wondering I even bother with wrestling any more.

First, before I go deeper let me say that TNA actually has improved a lot. Their storylines and shows most of the time are still stupid and filled with holes a five year old autistic child could see through, but at least they're trying to get better, not always succeeding but TRYING, and to some extent it's working. I no longer want to take a trip to the Impact Zone just to burn it down anymore, which is more than I could say after Genesis.

The WWE has had its moments too: Taker-Shawn II, the well booked surprise return of Daniel(son) Bryan, The Miz has usually been entertaining and this current season of NXT is most certainly the Wrestling Gods gift to comedy.

But I wonder now if perhaps we as wrestling fans have been spoiled. A lot of us began watching wrestling during one of the greatest eras ever: The nWo running rampant in WCW; while it did get frustrating when it got repeated over and over ad nauseum but when it began on the night Hulk Hogan turned heel, it was the biggest thing in wrestling ever, an epic moment we thought would never be repeated. Only the WWE answered back with the Attitude Era: stars like Triple H, The Rock, Kurt Angle and Stone Cold Steve Austin became household names. And wrestling was epic, The Monday Night Wars created the best television wrestling had ever seen as Vince McMahon and Eric Bischoff tried to outdo each other. And if you ever needed a break there was always ECW, Paul Heyman's little promotion that could, with its compelling storylines and hardcore attitude they survived and in some cases even thrived by being different.

Even when WCW and ECW folded there was still great times ahead. The WWE had enough talent to make compelling matches for years. Even if they horrifically botched the InVasion angle, fans could look forward to guys like RVD, Jericho, Guerrero, Benoit and others to put on great matches to add to the top tier talent the WWE already had. Then they bettered it with Tag team wars featuring The Hardys, The Dudleys and Edge and Christian. Plus you had smaller independents like Ring of Honor springing up to provide great wrestling.

A year or so later TNA opened, and though their business model didn't look great, we still made sure to enjoy it while it lasted with them introducing us to new stars we hadn't really seen before like AJ Styles. It was a great time to be a wrestling fan.

Nowadays though it just seems all the fun is gone. the WWE seems perpetually stuck in 1995 when horrible gimmicks like Doink the Clown, TL Hopper and The Goon were all around and the focus was on the young children. TNA on other hand likes to party it's 1999......way past the point that any star from then is actually relevant.

The bigger problem though, believe it or not, lies with WWE, not TNA. Their push towards wrestling for a younger audience didn't work in '95 and it's not working now. The problem is the business has changed, and changed for the worse; a lot of parents still believe wrestling is just as violent as it was back then.

Go to any parent nowadays and ask them to associate names with wrestling, Number one, even now, is going to be Hulk Hogan, that's a given. As much as I dislike him, the man DID revolutionize the way people looked at wrestling. But I'm sure in the top five somewhere will lie the name Chris Benoit, and we all know why. Fair? No but you can understand why parents aren't bringing their kids to shows as often. Not that some parents don't but my point is they're not coming in the numbers the WWE needs to offset the people of our generation, the Attitude Generation who are leaving.

Look at Summerslam's buyrate, approximately 196 thousand buys domestically, 350 or so world wide. For the number three pay per view in the WWE calender, it would've been a lock to do at least DOUBLE that, or at least close to it. And most of the people leaving are the people who swore allegiance to the WWE way back when, the hardest of the hardcore fans. And as TNA as shown with the stars of WCW, once you lose them, there's a very good chance they're not coming back. Not a problem for WWE in 1995 when it was just Vince's money. Big Problem in 2010 howeber when you have to answer to shareholders wondering why one of your main revenue streams are going down, down, down. The "hook them young and keep them forever" mentality just doesn't work anymore, Meanwhile your main audience you've had since you won the Monday Night War, the 18-35 male demographic, is turning to other alternatives like the UFC because the product doesn't appeal to them anymore.

I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom; the WWE isn't going anywhere for a while yet. I'm just saying that the day may come, hopefully well off into the future where it may hurt them. So much so that even the great Vince McMahon can't recover

Time is forever after all. The patience of fans, who still so love and reminisce about the "Good old days" however, is not.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

184 In the John: October 8, 2010

58 minutes

RD had acid reflux the previous month and worried for his voice, including amnesiac medicine for some reason, which made things difficult for working on the radio progrem. (Mrs. Deal is Jake Lloyd Jr. according to him.) The good news thankfully is he's fine for now. Thus, Blade wants to get things done quickly for him, for a change. Sad News: RJ Fletcher is no longer with us. Even worse, RD isn't doing well in the Fantasy Football League, going winless currently. [I feel his pain. I have learned two things this year. 1. Jahvid Best is a beast. 2. Whoever owns Jahvid Best in my FFL (Me) is an idiot - Clarence] Even I have beaten him! We have probable replacements for the Co-Hosts, including two kids???

:23 Blade tries Madden NFL 11 Doritos. He likes them. Sad News: Boo Berry looks different, thanks to "Computer Generated Down Syndrome".

:33 Sad News: George Steele injured himself on a 'flip dive'. Not Sad News: Paul Bearer is a grandfather.

:40 Statement Of The Week. Brian J (2) likes college football and invites people to a game. Sadly he forgot to send an actual Question.

:44 RD loses his place in the itinerary so John Kelly comes in. He attempts to leave early too. TNA is doing drug testing just for kicks.

:48 John Cena joining the Nexus angers children online. Blade hates them. Is he secretly W.C. Fields? [I'm really beginning to think you are one of Mike Check's illegitimate sons - Clarence] RD: "We really need something to interrupt us here." So Nintendo John calls. His audience stays behind to cheer.

Sum everything up in Seventeen Syllables:
Cena in Nexus.
Wow. Golly. Jeepers. Oh boy.
Raw still sucks a dick.

Minisode #183 Angry Jim's Summer Job

by iggy

September 10, 2010

The Movietrolla fires up because Midnight Rose has a role.
Billy Gunn had a ring rat.
Angry Jim has a lawn mowing business.
C.S. Irwin talks about Hulk in the hospital.
Haiku about the 6'9" Amazon

#cinnabon cereal #oak tree

Random Thoughts from the Office, September 10, 2010

WrestleCrap goes Hollywood? Now I've seen it all. The idea of the Midnight Rose and Katie Vick having intimate relations. If that doesn't win an Oscar then by God nothing will. Although it does make me wonder what would happen if Blah ever got an acting gig.....You know maybe somethings are better off as a mystery.
[ I'd be PERFECT as Sherlock Holmes I think. Are you a good doctor as well Clarence? - PB] [Not at the moment but I could easily learn. Are Hollywood Upstairs Medical College still taking students?]

For example we have TNA's current booking plans. [They have plans?] Look, it's clear that they're now focusing on the one real asset they have left; Impact, as No Surrender used the good old Hook-and-Drag technique to try and get people to tune into Impact to see just who out of Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle would face Mr Anderson at Bound for Glory, which is weird considering their next Impact is next week.

On face value the whole idea does seem a little ass-backwards. The only people buying TNA pay per views nowadays are hardcore TNA fans, the people who'll already be watching Impact anyway. So the idea of creating a new audience out of something they already have just doesn't seem like it's going to achieve anything. However in this case I actually think the idea has merit.

First the negative. If the plan is to create a new audience for Impact it will fail. Like I said only hardcore fans order the Pay Per Views and the people who don't are just going to find out on Impact or not watch like they usually do.

However, I think if TNA uses this as a catalyst to start scaling back their Pay Per Views, then they may have something. TNA is a television based product, always has been, they don't draw enough at house shows and Pay Per Views held outside the Impact Zone to make money, Pay Per Views are a huge expense, especially when you're only getting allegedly 8000 buys at a time...So unless each place has 150 people everyone watching Impact is not ordering the Pay Per View.

It's a problem TNA has always had and it's now a problem WWE is beginning to have. Both companies fail in the one aspect that's driven wrestling for the past 25 years: the build to get people to buy your Pay Per Views. WWE can partially get away with it because of Brand Recognition, as Wrestlemania is always going to draw a big number because it's Wrestlemania. But their shows outside of the Big 4 have gone consistently lower and lower, because they don't give people compelling reasons to watch. Look at Night of Champions. They're building the show around Kane vs The Undertaker, a match most wrestling fans didn't want to see the last time it went around at Wrestlemania XX let alone now, and don't get me started on the fucking storyline. "Oooooh, Kane's stolen The Undertaker's powers!" Since when did professional wrestling turn into the fucking X-Men? (And if it has why isn't Gail Kim dressed up as Jubilee?) The hottest story they have is one they're hardly giving attention to; The Miz and Daniel(son) Bryan for the US title and when the numbers come out they'll probably be shocked at why it's so low.

TNA's worse! They actually did one of the smartest build ups just a couple of years ago with the build up to the first Kurt Angle-Samoa Joe match. They knew that this match was their ace in the pack and for once they didn't fuck it up, they kept building it on Impact and building it till people couldn't wait to see them fight. The result of course was TNA's highest buyrate by far and a hopeful outlook for the future, but they didn't stick with it and the results now speak for themselves.

TNA shouldn't be doing 12 Pay Per Views a year, they're just not a big enough company anymore. Even if they don't get the rumored Spike TV specials they should still only be doing at the most one every two months. I think it should be four, once every three months but six will work. The next thing they have to do is stop giving away your money matches on Impact. I'm not saying that having Abyss face Rob Van Dam on Impact is wrong, but so many potential money drawing matches have been given away for free. Samoa Joe-Jeff Hardy, Jeff Hardy-Rob Van Dam, the Title switch to Rob Van Dam, it's all been given away for free in the quest for ratings. There was another company that did that..I think there was a C in their name..I wonder what happened to them?

Changing to a once every other month schedule will give time for storylines to develop and build to the point you want to see them. UFC does it now, they announce the main event and big money fights for their next three cards on their website and even that creates a buzz amongst the MMA community as they all speculate about what we're going to see; what will happen if Fighter X pulls off the upset or who'll the next challenger will be if Champion Y retains his belt.

I'm going to paint a highly hypothetical situation, one that will likely never happen and probably couldn't happen in this environment: What would happen if TNA announced next month Chris Jericho was going to appear at Final Resolution? Nothing's ever mentioned about what exactly he's going to do, just the fact he's going to be there. I realize TNA has done this sort of thing before, saying a "game-changer" was going to appear at a time and place, they did it with Christian and Kurt Angle; but they never announced those beforehand even if they were heavily rumored.

I'm saying what would happen if they came out and said for certain Chris Jericho would appear? With all due respect to Angle and Christian, this would be the first quote unquote "bankable" star to jump (Angle did create bank for the WWE but he wasn't bankable for them when he left). You add to the intrigue by having it as one of the big discussion points on Impact, Fortune wondering if they can get him to join them, EV2.0 preparing to welcome a former alum to the fold. You could even play it with a little of one Vince Russo's favorite terms "Shades of Grey" by having Hulk Hogan worry what would happen to him since he'd be no longer TNA's number one acquisition. Week by week, show by show you build this up, you get people talking, you generate buzz around the world and you do NOT put on Impact before hand or mention what he did after, you make it clear that the only way you're going to see what Chris Jericho is going to do is to order Final Resolution.

What happens from there is academic. It's the same principle that TNA has tried before with Hulk Hogan, a move that WORKED at the beginning. We can never forget that for all the complaints people have about TNA since Hogan came in, the highest rated Impact in the history of the company was the Impact Hulk Hogan made his first appearance in TNA. The problem with Hogan is the same problem you'd have if you got someone like Steve Austin or The Rock; they are huge names, but ultimately only names, it's not going to put over your product. Someone like Jericho will, if you use smart booking, build him up, get him huge through his promos and in ring work and then when the time is right, have one of your homegrown talent beats him. Instant elevation for your star and your brand.

By doing all of this you make Pay Per Views into must see events. And by giving them more time to build you can make epic events. After all: Without time to build there is nothing. With time to build there is the chance to have everything.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

183 Hollyweird(Crap) Radio: September 10, 2010

75 minutes

Blade, Midnight Rose, and a random woman as Katie Vick are going to appear in a 'movie' named Smut. Blade asks for donations as RD wonders how they will blue-screen them in at the same time. He's also made his own drinking game based on Blade's constant interruptions. (Blade meanwhile has some bingo board on his Facebook Wall.)

:17 Blade is still stuck on 80's actresses like Jennifer Jason Leigh. Have I mentioned that he's still pseudo-drunk? RD wants him to try Cinnabon cereals but he doesn't like nuts. 

:25 Some old '80s HBO feature presentation bumper is listened to. It's nice music though. Billy Gunn was caught with a younger woman, or as RD says "caught with his penis in the cookie jar." Even worse, the other woman's nickname is Pinky. There's even video of this. RD plays Sad News music for them as they make marriage arguments funny again.

The Marty Jannetty of the Hart Foundation
Jim "Anvil" Neidhart was arrested for drug possession and for his really strange antics in his retirement, i.e.  sitting around doing nothing other than getting stoned. For some reason Blade remembers when Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch lost a match and Wendi Richter was cut off by Mean Gene for commercials. Jim Ross calls. Goodness, I've missed him. (:42) He wonders if Korchenko is after him, makes more concoctions and is having some random trouble with coupons. His next step to get rich: a BBQ & Lawn Service. He cooks for someone while Hollywood John mows their grass.

:48 'Shane' [Mike "Virgil/Shane/Vincent" Jones wrote in? - Clarence] asks something about Stephanie vs. Dixie Carter over the destruction of ECW, but the letter is invalidated due to grammatical errors. So they talk about the Hulkster in hospital. RD calls him Methuselah. Since this is actual TNA news John Kelly doesn't come until after, and then just for two minutes. (:56) He was probably watching the Vikings and Saints play each other and didn't want to stay any longer than absolutely necessary.

:58 TNA will be on Family Feud, many years after WWE did that same thing. Talk about being late to the party (assuming you were even invited to it in the first place). Jim Cornette wants to settle his differences with Vince Russo in a fight at a roast somewhere. 6'9 Amazonian 'Princess' Alouisa has been cut from NXT for some risque photos. Blade wonders how it would feel being sweat on sitting next to her at a baseball game. Height discrepancies in wrestling, particularly Wendi Richter vs Little Beaver.

Seventeen syllables for a woman who's 17 feet tall
Six Nine Amazon.
Wonder what sex with her's like:
Dry humping oak tree?

RD is speechless.

Minisode #182 Shawn Michaels' Fun Center

by iggy

August 27, 2010

Blade and Don's Old Grocery Store
Time Out Real Quick
Mexican Coke
Piranha 3-D
Shawn Michaels' Fun Center
Trashbaggin' Poser
C.S. Irwin talks about Cookie.
Who's Becky?
Tiffany suspended
Albert Del Rio haiku

#putt putt #socks required

Random Thoughts from the Office: August 27, 2010

You have to hand it to the powers that be at TNA, they sure know how to make good gimmicks. For example, basing a new pair of wrestlers on "characters" from a reality show that's in direct competition to you on Thursday night, thus guaranteeing the only people who'll actually "get" the characters aren't actually watching your show in the first place. BRILLIANT! And these people wonder why they once drew below a 0.5?

Credit where it's due though to TNA and by extension Vince Russo, they always find ways to create compelling characters for everyone, not just the guys involved in the main event. Now if they could just finish their storylines like the Angle goes through the Top 10 contenders list they might just have something.

Not that the WWE don't botch stories of their own, just look at the Nexus angle. How can a angle that was so hot and had people so interested fall apart so quickly? It now seems like a lot of the Nexus is now an after-thought while the WWE has put all of their focus on the two stars of the first season of NXT: Wade Barrett and Daniel(son) Bryan, who isn't with NXT anymore but will no doubt be remembered as THE breakout star when we look back at NXT next year. (I mean no offense to guys like Kaval, Alex Riley, Justin Gabriel and Joe Henning but I don't see them exactly getting out of the midcard any time soon, if at all) The big program that the WWE seems to want to pin their hopes on, the Kane-Undertaker feud, has ZERO heat and the guy who's arguably the most over babyface in the company, Randy Orton, STILL can't work babyface.

Not that I envy the WWE or even really blame them. They have to come up with 6 hours of original programming every week (Even if Superstars doesn't really count) and there's always going to be off weeks, but surely the powers that be can see the inherent problem they have. Hell I could make an argument today that right now the hottest angle in wrestling (Not counting Ring of Honor) right now on TV is Daniel Bryan and The Miz for the US Title, which until about 3 weeks ago I'd forgotten The Miz even HAD still. In TNA it's the same thing, the hot angle is Fortune vs EV2.0 which isn't even for a title at all. It's a big reason why business is failing and less and less people are watching, because the main events aren't compelling so there's no reason to hang around and watch them.

Don't get me wrong. I realize belts are just props, used to get a person over or reward them for their hard work. I also realize you don't NEED a title to be on the line to create a compelling storyline. The past two Wrestlemanias with Shawn Michaels versus The Undertaker have proven that, but wrestling for all of its advancements and all its attempts to move into the future is still pretty much governed by the same mentality that there was in the 50's and all the way through. The main event usually has your World Champion defending his belt against the top contender, the World Champion is the face of your company and you go from there.

Or at least that's the way it SHOULD be. And there we come to the big problem with wrestling at the moment: The World Champion, in BOTH the WWE and TNA is not the face of the company.

As much as Seamus is a compelling character, as much as he's used as a monster and he 'put Triple H on the shelf fella and now I'm the champion', he is NOT the face of the company, John Cena is, it was plainly obvious in the buildup to Summerslam and it was even MORE obvious at Summerslam where he once again "overcame the odds" (And set the Wrestlecrap forums into meltdown). Kane? Kane's a great company guy, one of the best characters the WWE has ever had, but show me one person who thinks he's anything more than a transitional champion and I'll show you a one eyed WWE mark.

It was said once that the shelf life of characters on television was 7 years. It's not uniform, shows like CSI, NCIS, Law and Order and of course The Simpsons proved that, but as a GENERAL rule after seven years they became stale and most people would just turn the channel. Add that with the fact that as time went by you'd have to pay the actors more and more to stay on and after seven years the show became unprofitable.

Now that's with one hour a week, Wrestling, especially the WWE, has more than double that. That's why they created the brand extension, to limit overexposure of their stars. My theory is in wrestling the shelf life character of a main event star is 3 years, maybe 4. If you book them right and compellingly early you can gain a lifetime star through sheer will. The Undertaker proves that point. But after 3-4 years you better have something else planned to take over or fans are going to switch off fast.

That's what killed WCW. the nWo lasted 5 years, or at least was brought back again and again, sometimes under different guises (The Millionare's Club and New Blood angle), sometimes to try and make it seem "Cool" (The Wolfpac) but each and every time to diminishing returns.

WWE, while I don't think will ever be in the same spot as WCW, are in that danger period. John Cena has been on top for 5 years, Randy Orton is at 6, Hunter is at 10. In fact the best thing Triple H could ever have done was gotten injured. You know that song "You don't what you've got till it's gone"? That's Hunter at the moment, people always give him a HUGE reaction when he comes back, as well as instantly forget how much we HATED him during 2003/2004 when he was World champion. The need to create new stars is now and Seamus, Wade Barrett and Daniel Bryan proves they're at least aware of it.

The next five years are the biggest test wrestling will ever face. UFC will threaten to wipe it off the map. By putting the tools in place now the WWE and to a lesser extent TNA can make sure their futures are secure but to do it, they must first stop living in the past.

Clarence "Showstealer" Mason

182 "Timeout real quick: who's Becky?": August 27, 2010

78 minutes

SPEAKING OF shows about nothing...
This week Blade is 'sober' and 'drinking coffee.' Unless he's drinking Irish coffee or 'coffee' is an euphemism for sex, don't believe him. He sure doesn't sound sober (un-drunk?) on air, which would be a change from the norm. Of course, he's far more entertaining when off the wagon.

A grasshopper named Michael appeared in the Roast instead of the crickets, so chalk up yet another mistake to RD. He tries to get around that by thinking Gene Shalit as the Penguin was on Entertainment Tonight for some reason instead of Lenoard Maltin. He also feels like this show could be the new Matlock and cater to an older demographic.

Sad News: Evil Knievel has been deceased for three years. Even more Sad News: RD's Wikipedia page is about to be deleted. Blade once had to use a cardboard box instead of a trashbag.

:18 Don liked to make dry ice bombs while working at the grocery. He also went down on a girl once without needing any whipped cream. RD plays Don's theme to shut Blade up. Meijer's now has Smoothie Bars and glass bottled (Mexican imported) Coke with real sugar that both he and I love.

:34 The Midnight Rose will be at a Nebraska indie show on Saturday. Scott Norton is now truly at the bottom of the barrel, now being a bodyguard for a Playboy Playmate with a reality show. Her husband isn't well liked in Indianapolis for his antics at the Superbowl. SPEAKING OF football Blade wants to bet money on the fantasy football league because he keeps losing due to dumb luck, but since he's ersatz-drunk he's bound to forget to put that into motion, Emperor willing. In the meantime he loves Kelly Brook from Piranha (3D). He also thought he saw J.T. Titty there (in 3D) but he was mistaken. She's actually in training for her first fitness competition. Best of luck to her.

:52 Shawn Michaels is running some family fun center now. You need to wear socks for entry though. Blade thinks you can wear socks on your penis which is great if you aren't a woman.

:56 Question: Bob Taco thinks Blade is a (trashbagging) scrapper.  Blade disses the guy for actually sitting down on a toilet to do it. "You gotta stand up." RD: "This is way more than I ever wanted to know."

:60 John Kelly knocks on the door. TNA is going to make an Italian guido-ess character named Cooki as portrayed by Becky Bayless. Blade is so 'drunk' he repeats how he got into an argument with his ex-girlfriend over the wrestler on Online World Of Wrestling. RD wonders what I'll title this week's episode. [At least with Blade bringing back the argument you didn't go with the cliche "Cookies. Cream. Trashbagging" - Clarence]

:69 Sad News: Tiffany has been suspended for shouting at her husband in a hotel. Who wants to pay her $25,000 bail? Serena Deeb has also been future endeavored for her drinking trouble. MVP wants to be a rapper. RD now likes Smackdown now because of Oberto/Alberto Del Rio, but Blade calls him Albert because he doesn't know any better. Though, he can call you Becky if you can call him Al.

Seventeen syllables of something to say:
Albert Del Rio.
Translated literally:
Albert of river.

RD: "Sometimes I question why this show has lasted six years, but with insight like that I think we're good for another six."