Angry Jim's Mailbag #6: Presidential Edition (October 20, 2012)

(Disclaimer: This was obviously not written by WWE's Jim Ross & is not intended as an insult to him (so please don't sue us). "Angry Jim" is a very loosely based parody based on the Wrestlecrap Radio character.)

(Disclaimer Disclaimer: The views expressed by Angry Jim are his own & do not reflect the opinions of Wrestlecrapradio.com. We also apologise for any of Jim's "Inappropriate" Political Views)

(Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Despite being a rather...strange man, he's been rather helpful in self-censoring himself. Say what you want about him, but he IS still a WWE employee after all. At least, he is this week. - PB)

How ya doin' tonight nerds!

Here's my "BBQ Party" logo!
Don't Like it? Go **** yourself!

I haven’t had time to read all of your stupid tweets lately since I’ve been busy with my duties on RAW and going around the country campaigning and BBQ'ing! For those marks that don't know, Angry Jim’s running for President! But not for the Democrats or the Republicans, because the only left or right wing I’m concerned about is which Turkey wing to cut first! So I started my own Party: The BBQ Party! If you nerds think that all I know about is rasslin’& BBQ sauce and not politics; go **** yourselves! What those ****su**ers Obama and Romney, who I bet have never BBQ’d in their life, don’t realize is that BBQ’ing is relevant to many of America’s problems and issues!:

Pro-Life or Pro-Choice:
I’m “Pro BBQ”! Instead of pre-marital sex, I believe in pre-marital BBQ! That means that if everyone learned to BBQ instead of ****ing each other all the time, there would be less abortions and less b*****d children running around!

Healthcare reform:
There will be no need for healthcare reform! Why?! Because if more people ate some good BBQ & spent less time ****ing around, there would be more healthy people and less of them spreading herpes! And there'll be also less people needing to go to the doctor to check their d*** sores!

The Economy, War & Terrorism:
If we all learned to BBQ there would be less wars in the world! And we won't need to invade other countries for oil when all we will need to use is ****ing propane! As President, I will be constructing less bombs and more BBQ’s. This will also lead to more American jobs in the BBQ manufacturing sector, therefore solving our economic s***. Don't believe me?! Look at the chart on the right!



Al Chainy asks: Jim, who have you picked as your running mate?

I asked Stone Cold, but he’s busy with his Redneck Island show! Bill Watts also turned it down, which is a shame because he could turn America around like he did with WCW! Also, Ventura wants to stay an Independent and I don’t know where Doc is anymore?! So I bet you nerds aren’t surprised that my running mate is going to be...Hollywood John! The only reason I picked that idiot is because he at least knows a little about BBQ’ing! I just hope that dumb*** doesn’t show up at Congress wearing that ****ing a feathered Boa!


Trey Hugger asks: Won’t all this BBQ’ing lead to more pollution in the air? And eating meat is murder!

There’s no proof that BBQ’ing increases pollution ****head! Propane is clean burning! And you should be glad to know that I will increase funding into research for propane fueled cars instead of using oil! And eating meat is not murder you d****bag! Animals were put on this earth for us to eat! It's like these religious ****s who say that beating your meat is a sin (I don’t know what they mean by that, I beat my meat for money daily?!)! So stop your bitching, BBQ some ****ing tofu and then go **** yourself!!



Iron Mark Tyson asks: Is Mitt Romney firing Big Bird? Nooooo!

You ****ing Mark! He said he’s cutting funding to PBS! In my opinion, the only "Big Bird" those ****heads Romney & Obama should be debating about is whether a turkey should be BBQ'd or roasted! As President, I won't remove funding from PBS but will change Sesame Street to make it more educational about BBQ’ing! Bid Bird will be teaching kids how to cook a pulled pork! Cookie Monster will become "The Meat Monster" and teach these stupid anorexic kids that eating a steak is healthy! And Oscar will be grouchier; I don’t think he’s grouchy enough!



Hilary Lowinski asks: I heard the rumors Jim! You’re involved in a sex scandal and there’s a tape to prove it!

Go **** yourself! Those rumors are false! I did not have sexual relations with that woman: Mrs Ross lately! She hasn't ****ed me in many years! But yes, there is a sex tape that I did in 1978 I have on an 8mm reel! That was back in the days when my wife actually wanted to **** me! And it’s better than Hulk’s video that's out right now with his tiny c***!


SO AMERICA! STOP F***ING, START BBQ'ING AND VOTE FOR ANGRY JIM THIS NOVEMBER! OR SHOVE IT UP YOUR A** AND GO **** YOURSELVES!


P.S. For those nerds and marks who read my Twitter, I have been in a war-of-words with some guy called; Raging D***head! He’s been talking a lot of **** about me there and on his podcast! He's been saying that during the time when I had my UWF Haunted house, all the guests ****ed my wife (except me)! Then he poked fun at my palsy and claims that he and Tony Danza had a threesome with my wife and then slapped a turkey in her face?! And what’s worse, he even went as far to suggest that Dark Journey put my wife in a "leg scissors"...and I’m not talking about the wrestling hold! Which is why the UWF Haunted house is CANCELLED THIS HALLOWEEN! So **** ya-self....and vote for me!

[JIIIIIM! That's not appropriate! How do you expect people to vote for you if you insult them?....Nevermind, look who I'm talking to. Yay BBQ's! -RVMKai]

To view previous Mailbags go here. To send Angry Jim a REAL question or complaint (but not spam concerning penis enlargements...which Jim doesn't need apparently) you can Tweet him here.