Episode 71: Holy Mattress!: December 18, 2022

The Sandman Cometh
December 28, 1966
"Catwoman and the Sandman have teamed up, and they're after the fortunes of J. Pauline Spaghetti, a rich insomniac. Catwoman pulls a publicity stunt, getting the Sandman (under the guise of "Dr. Somnambula") an invitation to Spaghetti's penthouse - and her financial records. Batman and Robin investigate the situation, but soon find themselves trapped by the criminals."
61 minutes

RD: Ho Ho Ho!!! He's wearing his Santa hat. Vince is trying to record while getting through a cold. RD does not like visualizing Vince in a hot tub.  

Narrator: "Another pleasant night steals over Gotham City. And SPEAKING OF stealing: what unholy alliance is this? The Catwoman and that cunning continental criminal, the Sandman?" 

Sadly the Sandman is not a wrestler with a cane and a drinking problem, but an older fellow in a fur coat. The Bros argue on his age for some reason. 

The two villains are arguing in her Lair. Catwoman: "My record's been clean for months." (So, a couple of weeks then?) He leaves to meet his goons Snooze and Nap, she her Kitty and Cattie and Catarina. Their aim is to rob one J. Pauline Getty Spaghetti, though of course either is willing to betray the other to achieve it. 

Catarina: "I have fed the catfish, Catwoman. Watered the caterpillar ferns. And we made your couch in your favorite cat-skin comforter. Now I should pick up some fresh catnip." (She leaves)
Catwoman: "Hmmm...Fresh catnip? At this time of night?"
She sees Catarina is actually an undercover police officer named Mooney placing a call to Gordon. For this one occurrence RD gives the Commissioner actual applause. 

Catwoman gets the jump to meow loudly into the phone.
Gordon: "Just as we suspected, Chief O'Hara. Sandman and Catwoman are in cahoots!"
O'Hara: "'Tis an ill wind that blows across this proud borough tonight."
Gordon: "I hesitate calling on Batman at this hour, but -"
O'Hara: "Especially since no crime has been committed."
Gordon: "No crime? My every instinct tells me that a member of our own fine force, Policewoman Mooney, is in dire danger! And who knows what may follow when Gotham City's foremost female felon, Catwoman, has aligned herself with Europe's crack criminal, Sandman? I must alert the Caped
Crusader for the sake of us all."

At Stately Wayne Manor (:16) bra-ed Aunt Harriet hears the Batphone ringing in Bruce's study. 
Alfred: "No doubt some of his Hi-Fi equipment needs adjusting."
Unfortunately Batman is supposedly out of town on "personal business", according to Alfred, saddening Gordon to no end.
Gordon: "I'm afraid we've been overlooking something, Chief O'Hara. Batman has a life of his own which we know nothing about."
O'Hara: "Well, even Batman is entitled to a wee bit of privacy."
So they light up the Batsignal.

RD still has his old Indiana hillbilly accent that appears sometimes. 

Bruce and Dick are currently in the "back country" with some other guys. He reminds the group to brush their teeth before they wonder what to do.
Dick: "My ear's ringing. It keeps saying, "To the Batpoles, to the Batpoles, to the Batpoles!""
Cue title - and everyone still at the camp.

Cut then to the Morpheus mattress store and Catwoman laying down on a bed.
RD: "Holy Julie Newmar in lingerie! Best episode ever."
Narrator: "What do we have here? An advertising stunt? Or maybe something else entirely?"
Then one of Sandman's goons comes and carries her away. RD wonders if there was a panty shot. 

In a call by Gordon the store owner, Mr. Smuggly, wonders how she managed to get past security to get a lie down. "Those Morpheus mattresses: like sleeping on a zephyr."
Gordon: "This is no time for a sales pitch."
He has to somehow re-determine who they are facing. Then he goes for the Batphone again.
Gordon: "Grain by grain, the hen fills her belly, Chief O'Hara. A pithy proverb about patience. Batman told it to me himself."

The Disguised Duo appear just in time before Alfred can make any excuse on their end, and of course already know about the situation. 
Bruce: "About that ringing in your ears..."
Dick: "Oh, it's louder than ever."
Duo: "To the Batpoles!"

They still have to get to the office though, (:27) so the Undynamic Duo spend their time actually working watching KGC TV and Catwoman termed a Sleeping Beauty without people already knowing who she is. She credits her quick sleeping to "Dr. Somnambula", making the reporter ask to stop her advertising.
Gordon: "There's a devious and dangerous design here someplace, Chief O'Hara. And what audacious arrogance. ... Where the devil is Batman?"

In a rundown mattress factory (helpfully labelled) Sandman compliments Catwoman's acting. Then he wants her to answer the ringing phone as his "nurse". It is their target, J Pauline Spaghetti.
Catwoman: "The doctor is quite busy at the moment, Mrs. Spaghetti. There are 80 patients in the
office, 206 in the waiting room, and the line outside extends around Gotham Park...several times."
Pauline will pay $50,000 for a "penthouse call", $100,000 if within 10 minutes.

Cut to Gor - the Batcave, as the Duo return from their offscreen trip. (:32)
Batman: "Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara didn't have much to offer."
RD: "They should do this more often."
They of course immediately figure out something's up.
Batman: "it's all some murky masquerade to hoodwink a hapless, sleepless moneybags. Now, can you name some famous insomniacs?"
Robin: "Well, there was Olaf the Sad of Norway."
Batman: "He's been dead for 800 years."
Robin: "And that famous Chinese historian, Fu Hop Chung."
Batman: "Born with no eyelids."
Robin: "The French empress whose head stayed awake even after she'd been guillotined?"
Batman: "Poor creature."

So they check with the Batcomputer which answers by shooting out red play-doh as spaghetti. 
Batman: "A variety of elementary paste, larger than vermicelli, but not as tubular as maca -"
Robin: "That's it. Spaghetti."

Young Vince would eat so much play-doh that he would get "worms" that his father would have to coax out of him rectally with a q-tip. RD has his wife appear just to make sure she still does not like the smell. (:38)

At the Spaghetti Hotel Sandman arrives at the penthouse in a doctor's outfit under his coat. Spaghetti hasn't slept for over seven years (which may be trouble considering RD finds the actor was more than 80 years old at the time of filming). He puts his stethoscope on her head (as she goes to open her top for the more traditional chest) and then sprays a sleeping powder into her face. This makes her sleepwalk under his command, from which he gets her financial records.
His two goons then appear. "A funny-looking jalopy parked in the rear alley a minute ago. Some kind of a hook snagged the terrace railing. And two way-out characters are climbing up the wall on ropes. Real weirdoes."

Sadly there are no celebrities as the Duo climb and enter through the window, and Spaghetti is finally happy for once she's got some sleep without any money missing. They make sure, allowing Sandman to sneak out undetected. Needless to say she is not pleased.
"That door leads to the hall. The hall leads to the elevator. The elevator leads to the street. It's quicker than any Batrope."

Cut to the Duo suddenly at the factory and immediately knowing things are not right with the Dutch angle. Sandman and goons suddenly pop out of a Murphy bed with a "It's nap time for both of you!" into a fight. Robin bounces a guy on and off a bed while Batman does dropkicks. Before the Duo can overwhelm with mattresses Sandman manages to incapacitate Robin with sleeping powder.

Batman is then tied to a large stitching machine.
Sandman: "This machine will button you up forever, Batman. Wonder Boy, or whatever they call you, start the machine. ... I'm sorry we can't remain for the last stitch, but you were right about me and Catwoman. And I promised her a little souvenir of this quilting bee. Robin will fill the bill nicely!"

Narrator: "Are our eyes deceiving us? Batman quilted to a mattress? Robin led away by the Abominable Sandman? To be the sleeping pawn in Catwoman's cat and mouse game? Wait on pins and needles, you'll find out tomorrow! Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!" 

RD likes the story so far, and not just because of Catwoman's wiles. 

Jordan Mishkin sent RD 45s of Frank Gorshin's singing.


  • Special Guest Villain: Sandman (Michael Rennie)
  • Extra Special Guest Villainess: Catwoman [5] (Julie Newmar) [4]

  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Stealing


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