The Wail of the Siren
September 28, 1967
"Lorelei Circe, aka The Siren, launches a two part plan to become the
richest and wickedest woman in Gotham City. First she puts Commissioner
Gordon under her stunning spell and orders him to stow away in the
Batmobile in order to find out the location of the Batcave as well as
Batman & Robin's secret identities. Secondly she entrances
millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne and implores him to sign over all his
wealth and belongings to her."
60 minutes
RD: WANTS TO BE RELAXED. Frankie says so.
Vince saw the vignette from last time of Adam West as tracksuit Batman facing Jerry Lawler.
Vince once met Frank Zappa at an early 90's Video Software Dealers Association Convention and joked about dating Moon Zappa, who was born on the airdate.
Narrator: "A glorious morning in Gotham City. But in Commissioner Gordon's office, the Siren readies a nasty scheme."
As a reminder, Siren has struck Gordon with a test of the Emergency Broadcast System that somehow mind controls him. RD wished they used a different note instead to shake things up. She tells him to call and meet Batman in a neutral place, so he immediately decides on his daughter's apartment.
Siren: "Just be sure you know where he parks the Batmobile."
Gordon: "In the underground garage of her apartment building. Where else?"
Sadly there is no footage of Batman slowly driving around a garage finding a parking spot.
RD has yet to go to New York.
Bruce gets called on the Batphone while a gentle theme plays.
Dick: "Barbara Gordon's apartment? Why there?"
Bruce: "Ours is not to reason why, Dick. We're duly deputized minions of the law, Commissioner Gordon is our immediate superior, and good crime-fighters always obey orders. To the Batpoles!"
Narrator: "And now, in Barbara Gordon's apartment, the mystery deepens."
O'Hara also joins the Trio at the apartment, but instead of Gordon Bonnie appears for some reason.
Batman: "Commissioner Gordon does not take his responsibilities lightly."
Gordon is in fact with Bonnie by the Batmobile, agreeing with her with whatever she says.
Barbara: "Would any of you care for a soft drink?"
Batman: "No thank you, Ms. Gordon. We might find it too relaxing."
He decides to go back and use the Batcomputer. The Duo leaves through the door this time.
Narrator: "And shortly, in the Siren's hideout in a subterranean grotto..." (:14)
This is another pitch black storage area, but at least there is a horde of props laying around to make it look like an aquarium.
Siren (playing a harp): "Batman and Robin, you're finished, I say,
for hidden inside of your car,
Commissioner Gordon is lurking and soon,
he'll tell me whoever you are!"
Unfortunately her two goons (of whom Vince recognizes their character actors) have no taste in music. They don't even know her plan!
Siren: "Evil is what makes the world go round. And I want to be evil."
Goon: "I'm not knocking evil, Siren. But don't forget Catwoman and Black Widow, they all went up the river because of Batman."
Siren: "Right you are, my musical mobster. But those amateurs neglected one thing. They neglected to expose Batman's identity. Once that's done, the cowled crimefighter's efficiency will be dissipated leaving me a clear path to ravage and pillage Gotham City as it's never been ravaged and pillaged before. (Playing again) I want to become the wickedest woman,
in Gotham City and thus, in the world,
with the help of Bruce Wayne's fortune,
which I shall shortly control."
O'Hara finally leaves the apartment, and will update Barbara on her brand new answering machine. "Oh, sure, then it's one of those tricky little gizmos that answers in your own voice and then replays the messages."
Barbara (mocking): "Oh, sure, and it is, Chief O'Hara. At least it won't be answering in Lorelei Circe's voice or all the windows would be broken. She's the world-famous chanteuse who's appearing in Gotham City. She has a range of seven octaves. And when she sings her highest note I'm told only hunting dogs can hear it, and are completely stunned."
O'Hara: "Well, let's hope your father doesn't run into her. Oh, I'm just spoofing you, Barbara. I'm sure he'll show up safe and sound."
Alone, Barbara wonders to Charlie if Circe is involved anyway. Of course she knows the lair is in the "Grotto Arms". She gets going as Batgirl's theme plays with lyrics, which RD attempts to sing. (:21)
Meanwhile at the Batcave the Duo are puzzled by the Batcomputer "answering" with the "Bat-resistance Signal" since it can only track criminals.
Robin: "Holy one-track Batcomputer mind. I guess we'll have to figure this one out for ourselves."
But first, food! Alfred already has their milk and sandwiches in the study. The Duo go up the Batpoles so he can get to dusting the Batcave - at which point Gordon stumbles out of the Batmobile's trunk.
Gordon: "You're Alfred, millionaire Bruce Wayne's butler. And that voice, the same nameless voice that often answers the Batphone."
Alfred: "I'm afraid you're making a mistake, sir."
Gordon: "Mistake? Nonsense. Obviously, this is the Batcave. Ergo, Batman is Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson is Robin, The Boy Wonder. Hmmm. Batman and Bruce Wayne, one and the same. I must convey this information at once to the Siren."
Alfred: "The Siren? I think you're making a grave error of judgment, sir."
Gordon: "You're being very civilized about this. Most butlers would do anything at this moment to stop me."
Alfred: "Quite right, Commissioner."
He then blasts him with sleeping gas for such an occasion.
Vince: "That was amazing, Bro. Amazing. Meanwhile, he doesn't know Batgirl is his daughter two feet in front of him."
Alfred manages to drag Gordon's body to the eating Duo. "Thanks to a sizable dose of Bat-Sleep, he is now languishing in the arms of Morpheus."
Meanwhile Siren decides to call Stately Wayne Manor through an information operator for her next step to enchant Bruce. Of course Batgirl is watching her go through with it.
Narrator: "Meanwhile, at their handsome residence, our heroes remained puzzled."
They determine Gordon will be out for 12 hours and that this is in fact the Siren's doing just before she calls. Bruce answers to get hit by the EBS and become his dandy self once more. He talks in monotone as he goes to meet her in the Wayne Foundation Building.
Before Dick can follow the Batphone rings, and for the first time he has to answer.
Alfred: "You'll never know unless you answer it, Master Dick."
It's just Batgirl, for some reason without O'Hara in the Office. She uses the opportunity to sit up tall and proud at her father's desk. This is just a contrived excuse in the plot for her to lead them to the Building.
In his office in the Building, Bruce opens his safe behind a picture of a safe. (:31) "You now have the Wayne family jewels," he states. Siren waits for him to sign off more of his assets.
Robin and Batgirl reach the lobby's 'Private Elevator to Bruce Wayne's Private Office: private use only", as signed. They stand around waiting for it to arrive rather than just attempt a Batclimb.
Now lacking only Batman's identity Siren calls Gordon's Office, and now O'Hara is there to answer. She EBS's him to "go jump in Gotham Park Lake". The Bros laud the direct simplicity of her actions.
Robin (bursting in): "We heard that, Siren, and you're sending an innocent man to drown himself."
Siren: "It's police Chief O'Hara, it's not going to be a great loss to society. Well, look who's here. Batgirl and Batboy."
Of course as demonstrated last week, Batgirl is immune to her tone, and Robin is wearing Bat-earplugs to block above 14,000 decibels. This would have no protective effect, since the tone is based on the frequency rather than on the volume.
But Siren says she already owns the Building anyway, and orders the two out.
Robin: "Holy Fourth Amendment. We're licked!"
She rolls her eyes at them as they leave, not noticing he's left a tracking device behind. So the Duo hide in a broom closet (with a huge sign saying so) hearing her asking "that penniless fop" Bruce to now jump off the roof.
Batgirl: "The stairway?"
Robin: "Yes. (Checking her out) You're in good shape."
Their stunt doubles come out just in time to stop Bruce from taking the fall. Cue fight in which Batgirl finds immense enjoyment within for some reason. This is assuming it is not instead her own stunt double, who at least looked very similar to Craig. Also according to Craig there was only the one Batgirl outfit which would have to been shared between the two.
Before Siren can command Bruce to fight Robin punches him in the face, which causes her to nearly fall off herself. She begs for help.
Robin: "Why should I? You were willing to let Bruce Wayne leap. Can you get Mr. Wayne out of that spell?"
She's not sure if she can...so Robin lets her go. She manages to catch onto a ledge and relent to try "an antidote note" so he pulls her up.
Batgirl (patting Bruce on the head): "Oh Bruce, if only you were more like Batman. Perhaps then you would have had the strength to resist the Siren's stunning spell."
The note works, which is good news for Batgirl as she has to leave to rescue O'Hara.
Meanwhile Gordon has been brought to his Office, where he awakens in front of Barbara and the Duo. Conveniently Gordon can't remember anything while he was enchanted. "I feel like Rip van Winkle." O'Hara enters, still soaking wet of course. And Bruce's assets have been rightfully returned.
Satisfied, the Duo return to the Batcave. (:45)
Batman (on the Batphone): "Warden Crichton should find the Siren a model prisoner Commissioner, if she doesn't open her mouth."
This random leaving and calling isn't for that one-off line, but for Penguin to laugh over the "newly-developed Criminal Sensor Bat-Indicator which apparently suggests that Penguin has returned to the environs of Gotham City."
He is at a racetrack with a lady named Lola "Lulu" Lasagne, about to enter his horse into the Wayne Foundation Handicap horse-race.
RD: "[Bruce] still has no money for those poor kids at the church."
Narrator: "Will Batman need more than luck with Penguin and Lola? Watch the next episode to find out!"
Of course Vince noticed a "little peekaboo" in one of Siren's appearances. However he was also not a big fan of her bun hair. He gives her a "Meltzer" 9.75 Batpoles regardless. RD greatly admired her plan in its coverage and directness and how it almost succeeded. He gives her 9.4, slightly below Pauline and her midriff (and once again Vince forgot her name).
Dame Joan Collins is of course still young even after turning 90 in May and with a truly legendary career.
The Arcade is doing good business. RD still needs to figure out what their top prize for the King of Arcade will be.
RD: "Please to explain the logic of the Dupp Cup."
Vince agrees that it was awful, of which he shares responsibility with Jeff Jarrett and Dutch Mantell. "It would be a great story if I could say we were all drunk, but we were not."
- Special Guest Villain: The Siren [2] (Joan Collins) [2]
- Screen Shares: 2. RD, RD
- Entertain The People: 1
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