160 Trick or Tonic: October 30, 2009

93 minutes

After a month (!!!) of inaction, WrestleCrap Radio returns from beyond the grave. Wow, for a moment I thought we were back in 2006 again. Wait what am I saying, the show always feels like it's in 2006.

RD has "so much to talk about", i.e. nothing at all, but he does have some bottle of tonic delivered to him, adorned with Papa Shongo's visage. Blade gets to randomly sing early in response, but he also 'coincidentally' has a bottle of his own.

RD: "I don't like where this is going."

You don't say.

The bravely bold Damien Demento gets a Hit on his Scatter roll with a fresh barrage of attacks against his usual targets. (:07) Blade prepares against him with a Rocky IV montage with the help of Stubby and a masked Don...Don Mason who train him in Siberia, Kansas, which quickly gets its own remix. Blade thus challenges him again to a boxing match, but Double D instead thinks of them as playing for the opposing team and sends Gay Popeye against them for more random talk. Does RD secretly have erotic feelings for Demento? Must investigate further...

Popeye also has his own bottle of tonic, and thinking it will cure his erectile dysfunction problems takes a sip. (:13) A random horror movie sound bite plays and Popeye reverts to his 1930's persona, strangely wanting to open his can of spinach in Olive Oyl instead of the usual Bluto. But the feeling fades with some tinkling of piano keys and he returns to his homosexual senses to see Bluto waiting for him as he always does.

RD: "That was very very strange."

But back to Demento, who instead challenges the Co-Fruitcakes to a sing-off. He will sing the Underdog cartoon theme song. RD falls back to randomly singing to his Dr. Feelgood MIDI. Blade wants to dress up as Mickie James on Halloween to annoy people and indirectly be allowed to have sex with the Diva. Whatever you say, Mr. Brakestown.

Blade: Halloween Cap'n Crunch turns the milk green.
RD didn't take a TRIP to the Grocery (:22) but went to a Chicago pinball Expo instead during the hiatus. He saw a Playboy pinball machine there with a woman stripping naked for your amusement, and some peep show machine where the ball gets stuck and its players have to have sex with it as a result. Also some machine that appeared in a Jodie Foster movie was sold for only $200, and no one knows if John Hinkley was the successful bidder. Blade meanwhile had an encounter with a child molester in a library bathroom. Good time for PSA Roddy Piper to make his return! (:32) But not even he can help Blade's latest trashbagging story (complete with Sad News music). He is forced to take a dump in a tight bathroom and finds himself trapped inside with his bag. He's compelled to apologize for some reason. He also promises to tell his 'favorite' trashbagging story involving a co-worker named Reuben.

Obscure News comes along. (:38) Amy Weber gets confused with the concept of kayfabe as she was asked about why she left the WWE. Blade had a dream about how nice she was. Over in Japan Rene Dupree wants Shane McMahon to come over from leaving the company. RD mocks his thinking.

The HorseTrolla neighs (:45) causing Blade to hit himself in the nutsack, revealing that Mickie James was sent to Smackdown as some sort of 'punishment' for her weight. This makes Blade happy as he can make more sex jokes now. RD tries to caution him, wondering what's gotten into him for some reason that's only needed to further today's plot. This makes Blade decide to tap into his tonic. (:49) Sadly the only thing it does is regress him into 2005 Blade by calming his earthly desires and make him think more inwardly. Bah, where's Popeye where you need him? Thankfully three minutes later he returns to normal while trying to contain his quiet laughter.

Question of the Week. (:53) Charles has some rapid fire questions for the duo. RD shares my love for Coca-Cola, Picard and Mike Nelson. Then the stunner question - Nathaniel or Mike Check? Time for the SeanceTrolla to turn on. (:58) Sure enough, our favorite WWCR DJ comes on to scare Blade, particularly as he's somehow managed to hack into the contraption somehow; remember, he's only pretending to be dead to escape John Thomas' clutches. He's having fun up in 'Heaven' but is somewhat weary of Wolfman Jack, who once thought he was infringing on him as Wolfman Mike while at Salem Winston's WBOO "Boo 92". Did he ever tell you about the time he was also at San Bernadino's KHIP "Hip 106" as Bob Salad in the Soup & Salad Musical Buffet? And now here's the McCoys here on the WHACKER!

RD: "What else could go wrong on this show?"

Time for Johnny 4 to show him, that's what. (:68) He plays the Atari ET game theme to again remind us how much he's supposed to be terrible, or at least what the Fruitcakes want us to think about him. I think he's just cute. "Nothing but the finest news!" we're told, as J4 tells us; Hogan and Bischoff are on TNA. This gives RD a dangerous idea to feed his robot companion some of the tonic, which he gladly does. The resulting (glowing) '08 era automaton now talks like Nathaniel as the G-Man of Half-Life, giving actual TNA news like some sort of AI narrator for a wrestling documentary. "Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha." Then he returns to normal and flops on the floor.

Current News. (:73) Jim Ross is still boldly battling his Bell's Palsy, but he still has time to call into the show. He says he faked the disease so he can take time off, taking the time to even glue his face to make it look more believable. Unfortunately his attempts to relax are constantly interrupted by well wishes in the mail and searches for royalty checks. He still hasn't gotten closer to his wife though, and gets paranoid about Johnny Ace circulating around his restaurant like a vulture. But he decides to take a test of his own tonic (:82) Sure enough he temporarily morphs into the 'original' '08 Jim Ross. Of course this doesn't last long.

RD: "It's like an alternate universe WrestleCrap Radio."

Cyndi Lauper and Maria have nothing else to do but appear on The Celebrity Apprentice. (:86) Unfortunately they can't do anything to stop the ending of the selling of WWE Ice Cream Bars. Blade always loved to eat Miss Elizabeth.

Seventeen Syllables on Damien Demento:
Demento's pissed off.
He's challenged me and RD.
Don't bring it, sing it?

Happy Halloween all.

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