162 Barnyard Logic: December 4, 2009

Virgil: The Two Dollar Pervert
102 minutes (!!!)

It's the third episode in two months, so Blade prepares himself by getting drunk once again. This is furthered even more by mention of a new addition to the WWE roster, a glorified Brakestown clone by the name of Luke Gallows. Gay Popeye calls and the phone is so used to his appearances that it doesn't even ring. RD has to work around slightly to not break the already broken battered and torn kayfabe on the radio progrem. People used to come up to Blade and tell him he looked like Brian Pillman which is the closest the show has had to a joke in a bygone age. There's been no response from Demento yet in their battle. Well don't mention it on here, he might listen and reply again! Blade wants to fuck the radio progrem, if such a thing is even physically possible. I guess we'll find out if one day we start listening to an episode and sperm suddenly starts shooting out of the speakers.

RD meanwhile had taken another TRIP to Disney World (:11) He didn't re-encounter Rafiki sadly, but while waiting for a ride he did see a random woman with large fake ones, which warranted remembering. Blade does his Bill Paxton impression.

As people have (not) been waiting for, RD took another TRIP for Black Friday (:24) and he has Super Mario based music with him for some reason. Blade didn't go shopping this year, disappointing yet again. I bet that happens to him quite a lot. While at Wal-Mart RD saw an old woman standing in line just so she could buy some Melba Toast. Sadly no one knows if this Melba Toast Black Friday Lady has any relation to Calculator Man. RD also 'met' two women also in the line arguing about some pitch-in/pot luck dinner. And...that's about it this year. Sadly Blade can't do any better with another Don...Don Mason anecdote (:29) in which the man, myth and legend argued with some old woman about the time. Perhaps she was actually Blade in disguise, as he can't keep track of the time either. Gay Popeye calls again. He'd tangled with a man named Black Friday, sent by the Jeep no doubt. That creature is always a trickster.

We finally get some Obscure News 40 minutes into this "three month long" show. December 7th is not just the anniversary of Pearl Harbor but also the birthday of another bomb, Tammy Sytch. (However Blade shows he flunked his history courses when he thinks Pearl Harbor was on the 10th instead. Is this an American thing to misremember dates I wonder?) The Co-Fruitcakes think of what to buy for her by looking at her Amazon Wish List. Among other things they find some random (and kinky sounding) float strap for a camera (sold separately). If I was feeling less tired and more cheeky I'd probably just send her the strap without the camera to attach it too and see what she does with it.

In other news (:50) everyone's favorite Big Nippled Vampire auctioned her fangs online for about $120. That's all. Remember when she was just about the only person the two would talk about for minutes at a time? Ah, the good old days.

Also remember former TNA wrestler Moon "Goldy Locks" Shadow? Yeah, me neither. For some reason the Co-Fruitcakes poke around on her site. I like the fact that her web page is titled "Untitled Document" and she hasn't updated the thing in two years. RD listens to a portion of some song of hers and 'writes' some review on iTunes about it.

Pain Fail 1 star out of 5
by WrestleCrap - Dec 3, 2009
Where do I start? I gave up a McDouble and a Carmel Apple Empanada for this song. Now not only am I hungry, but my ears also are hungry for good music. Your music stinks like manure. Why did Jerry Jarrett give you a job outside of dancing in one of those cages. PS - Do you have Lauren's phone number? Your friend, Blade Braxton.

Somewhat faintly connected, Blade needs a thousand dollars to sleep with Jasmine St. Claire.Would this also involve an iTunes review?

Continuing on the trend of wrestling has-beens and also-rans Virgil (who still hasn't been kicked in the nuts by Angry Marks and or a Carnival) had some rather bizarre interview while at some random con, whereby he tried to hit on his interviewers. (:65) Sir Alec reads the bizarre comments which mock the pathetic perennial jobber. Aim high, Virgil!

Seth Drakin returns to ask another Question (6) (:76): which famous announcing teams do you want back on the air? RD is impartial to Gorilla Monsoon and Pete Doherty, while Blade wants either Bruce Britchard, Michael McGuirk and Pete Doherty or Lord James Blears and Rod "TRON" Trongard.

Dixie Carter is now appearing regularly on TNA, so Johnny 4 is summoned to speak his part on that. (:80) Or once again get stuck on the same news of Hogan and Bischoff coming on TNA, who really knows? Of course it could be actual news as well as a glitch; the two have yet to appear on the show, and who can blame him?

RD: 'Is this the longest show we've ever done? It sure feels like it."

No, that would be THIS show. Sure feels hellishly long though.

Current News certainly has a lot to catch up on, so let's get to none of that this week. (:82) The Gooker reappeared some days back, even if the announce teams call it the "Gucker" for some reason. What, is Andrew Dice Claw going to guest host? Blade doesn't like the WWE doing outdated references. That's THEIR job, damnit! The HorseTrolla neighs: Mickie James is now on Twitter to stop imposters, which is perfect for Blade to stalk her. Concurrently WWE is cracking down on Twitter use also. Sadly Sir Alec doesn't return to read their rules and regulations.

WWE Comics has launched, in another attempt by the company to get into the industry (and laughably fail at yet again). Blade gets confused while reading one. He also loses his voice too. Or goes through puberty, I don't know. Perhaps getting more drunk can help?

Seventeen Syllables to explain this one:
WWE Comics.
Those aren't comics, they're ex-
pensive toilet paper.

Blade: "WWE Comics: Wipe your ass on John Cena today."

No comments: