163 Christmas Calls: December 20, 2009

116 minutes

For some reason people are "annoyed" at the annual gift exchanges at these "big year-end editions" which seems quite odd to me. What else would you be tuning in for? Actual wrestling news?

Blade: "This could be a train-wreck."
RD: "Would be no different from every other episode we've ever done."

A Don Mason Story (:09) once again leaves RD speechless when Blade reveals his friend would also use caramel toppings to remove that ever present "salty taste".

Blade recently went north to Chicago (:15) to be the Toxic Avenger at a showing with Troma President Lloyd Kaufmann. The art of signing breasts is discussed. While there Blade was also thought of as a hobo by the local folk. He also met RD again where an attractive skank thought of them as gay lovers. Austin "Gill Man" Gillum sent the Co-Fruitcakes some Jones Pure Cane Soda, the official drink of WrestleCrap Radio! (:31)

For no good reason RD decides to call Gay Popeye, who answers with his musical sting. (:35) He had been gifted some gay sounding book, ah gyuk gyuk gyuk gyuk.

Obscure News. (:38) The Maestro is selling some random items for Christmas. Not to be outdone Val Venus again tries desperately to earn money by selling some out of date consoles, but RD and Blade think of it as just a scam that, again, no one will fall for. The HorseTrolla is ambushed by Stubby, who is jubilant that Mickie James responded to a random tweet of his. Why, pretty soon they'll be steadily dating! (Disclaimer: To my recollection neither myself or Blade have anything to do with the Twitter thing in question.) It's pretty hard for Blade to do his voice though while he constantly keeps laughing throughout.

A convenient call is made to Sir Alec (:63) who answers with HIS theme music. Wait, do ring-tones work that way? He's received some fish-sticks and waffle fries. (I'm just thankful they didn't send him any curry.) His sexual inclination as related to Don Mason is applauded by his faithful audience.

Meanwhile, long penis-ed Erik Majorwitz sent the pair those blasted Jake and Jessie Gymini action figures. (:67) Ultimate Kennedy sent some Hall and Nash ones.

Before we get to TNA 'News' (:73) Dixie Carter is called, getting some gift card to Toys R Us. But it's only for $10, so she quickly cuts them off.

Johnny Four is still stuck on the same news from before so RD upgrades him with a Stern ZPU-1000 chip sent from the Trolla people. But it just makes him waste some running time for the episode before he too meets his fiery end at the hands of RD. (And to think, he doesn't even turn into a smiley face while doing so. What the fuck, man?) This summons in Mike Check, still not 'dead'. Did he ever tell you when he was Matthew Mark Luke? Or when he was in Minneapolis' WICY "Icy 103" as Big Jim Cane hosting The Candy Cane Christmas Carnival? It resulted in him getting a blowjob at a party, though he doesn't say it was his daughter who gave it to him.

Current News. (:94)

Well, with that out of the way let's get to opening some more presents. Robert Q sent Blade some DVDs while RD got some of those Mexican Doritos. Blade further gets his own customized WC hat and a signed playing card of Detroit Lion Dan Orlovsky, while RD gets the Burt Reynolds Troma movie and Christmas with Colonel Sanders.

Speaking of the Colonel, Jim Ross calls in to be the show's expected Scrooge. (:108) He thinks his wife is cheating on him with Hollywood John and Johnny Ace and calls the Bushwhackers Penis Trimmers, which sends RD into bouts of hysterical laughter. Of course, RD 'forgot' to send the man any gift, most likely because he loves to piss him off and see what his response would be.

Sure enough the man doesn't disappoint, singing a 'few bars' against the two to close things out.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck yourselves.
Shove it up your fucking ass.
Oh what fun it is to be pissed
When you don't do midnight mass!" 

"Jim!!!"

Merry Christmas, one and all.

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