Angry Jim's Mailbag #5: Dark Journey's Leg Scissors (September 27, 2012)

(Disclaimer: This was obviously not written by WWE's Jim Ross & is not intended as an insult to him (so please don't sue us). "Angry Jim" is a very loosely based parody based on the Wrestlecrap Radio character.)

(Disclaimer Disclaimer: The views expressed by Angry Jim are his own & do not reflect the opinions of

(Disclaimer Disclaimer Disclaimer: Despite being a rather...strange man, he's been rather helpful in self-censoring himself. Say what you want about him, but he IS still a WWE employee after all. At least, he is this week. - PB)

How ya doin' tonight nerds!

Since Mailbag #4, one of my friends in the business, Jerry "The King" lawler, suffered from a heart attack! He's currently still recovering and doing well! I knew that thinking of puppies so much at his age wouldn't do him any good! So out of respect to King, I decided to join the commentary booth on Raw to fill in for him! When I arrived at the arena, they told me that I had to go easy on Cole and JBL! So I promised that I would be civil and even bit my tongue telling Cole that I was proud of him! I'm a professional after all! So instead, I only whacked Cole with my hat after the show! F*** yourself Cole!

Oh and **** yourself Sandow! "Slobberknocker" IS a REAL word! It was a device used in the middle ages for people to beat their meat with! Look it up!

So what have you ****ing nerds got for me this time?

Sean Bateman asks: The 'crappers needed you on commentary instead on Raw. F***king dumbass Micheal Cole not doing his job.

When has that f** Cole ever done his job?! That guy's voice sounds like a whinny little b***h and he doesn't even know how to call rasslin' holds properly! But Vince won't let me commentate on RAW full-time because of my palsy face (which that son of a ***** likes to make fun of on camera! "Be a Star" my ass!)! That's why they stuck me on that ****ing NXT in that p**s smelling dump in Florida! I sometimes get Hollywood John to fill in for me so i don't have to go there! No one even watches that **** to notice the difference anyway!

Michael McStevens asks: How do you feel about Vince Russo & Ed Ferrara mocking you with that "Oklahoma" character in WCW?

Ed's lucky that Jim Cornette (that crazy b*****d makes me look tame!) only b***h slapped that mother*****r for mocking my palsy! I would of stomped a mudhole in his ass and walked it dry if I ever saw that rat b*****d! I don't blame poor Doc for being dragged into it since he had to feed his family! But Ed and that dumb**** Russo, who can't write rasslin' for ****, can go **** themselves! And what type of idiot would want to do a stupid over-the-top parody of me anyway?!

(R.V.M Kai's edit: Um...I don’t know either Jim?)

Premier Blah asks: I'm currently reading a book about the 'greatness' that was the XFL, including you doing commentary during matches. Do you think the League is due to make a comeback these days? Do you prefer the XFL to WWE today? And have you petitioned Vince to get Ventura to take over Cole's announcing job?

F*** Blah! How many questions is that?! Firstly, I ****ing hope XFL doesn't come back! You know what I used to call it?!: The "Xtremely ****ed League! The "Sooners" could've beat any of those XFL's teams any day of the week! But yes, I would take XFL over...hell...I'd choose that g** ass Bodybuilding show Vince used to own over anything in WWE today! And as far as Jesse is concerned, I used to petition to bring him in to do commentary all the time! He and I would be a better RAW commentary team than Cole and King (Sorry King, but you screaming "Puppies" used to annoy the **** out of me)!

Ben Dover asks: What’s your obsession with Dark Journey? Have you crossed paths lately?

She’s the sexiest bald woman I've ever seen! I fell in love with her back in our Mid-South days when she once demonstrated her "leg scissors" on me, and it was the closest I got the her nice cleavage...and her t*ts as well! But unfortunately, we went our separate ways after UWF folded and I haven’t seen her since! I was going to meet her at Wrestlereunion earlier in the year, but I suffered an injury that prevented that! That p***k Johnny Age sent a truck to ram into me after I was tailing him in my car (have I mentioned that I hate that mother*****r!)! Plus my wife hid my wheelchair and kept me hostage in my room like in that movie "Misery" (the b**** must’ve known about it somehow?)!

Dana Fitkowski: I'm angry too JR...but after I watched this clip I felt a lot better and loved wrasslin again! Check it out.

Didn't work! I watched that and I'm still ****ing angry!

But there's something that's going to make me feel a lot better! Vince recently bought Mid-South's tape library and I'm going to see if I can steal some tapes from WWE's warehouse to make my own DVD project. It's going to be called: "The Best Of Dark Journey"! And it's just for my private collection! Did you think I was going to release it to you ****ing nerds?! Go **** yourselves!

Hollywood John asks: When are you still going to pay me, boss?

F*** yourself! Stop your ****ing whining and just make the damn sauce you lazy ass b*****d! I'll pay you when you stop stealing and eating my Jerky! I know it's you! That stuff's not free you son of a *****!

R.V.M Kai's asks: Jim, I hear a rumour that Raging_Demons & Sheriff Harry Dickwell are paying you a visit very soon concerning the whereabouts of Mike Check.

Well they can go **** themselves! And who's Mike Check?! Is he that guy on the Twitter who plays that sh***y music?! Hey ***hole, play some ****ing ZZ Top! "Legs" reminds me of Dark Journey!

To view previous Mailbags go here. To send Angry Jim a REAL question or complaint (but not spam concerning penis enlargements...which Jim doesn't need apparently) you can Tweet him here.

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