WWE Total Divas Recap Episode 6: Ballad of Horny Natalya & Party Girl Bree

Previously on Total Divas…(RD:"Wait! You mean there were more episodes of this crap!?! DAMN! DAMN DAMN!")

Episode 6: “Diva Las Vegas” or “The Ballad of Horny Natalya & Party Girl Bree”

We start the show with JoJo drooling over Justin Gabriel with Eva Marie watching. (RD:“I know we men can get horny but so far watching this god awful show who knew that WWE Divas are really super horny?!?”) Chris Jericho (RD:”?!?”) walks by & JoJo’s trying to get information from Jericho about Justin’s relationship status, Jericho knows what JoJo’s doing which makes her run away from being shy.

Total Divas Title Entrance of Death

Another day & another Raw happens; Bree’s boyfriend Daniel Bryan gives her a quick smooch backstage while we look at JoJo & Justin Gabriel flirting with each other. Eva Marie is cautious with JoJo due to her recent breakup. They both watch Justin Gabriel wrestle in his match tonight & Eva Marie notices how Gabriel’s wresting trunks are a WEE bit snug around his crotch. The NXT Divas discuss whether they should invite Gabriel over to their “apartment warming” party but then get scared out of their panties by WWE Creative member Michael “P.S.” Hayes. (RD:”Heh.”)

Over to the NXT Training Area, where The Bellas are teaching The Funkadactyls how to wrestle. (RD:” Isn’t The Bellas teaching The Funkadactlys how to wrestle is somewhat equal to a blind driving instructor teaching his students how to drive?”) Natalya arrives & soon afterwards she steps in the ring to talk about the stress she’s dealing with recently when it comes to planning a wedding, Nikki instead wants to plan the Bachelorette Party. Natalya brings up Jaret (RD:”The poser from the previous episode who owns his own tanning shop that has a DEEP crush on Natalya.”) & his crush on her & wanting to invite him to the wedding since he’s a family friend. Bree thinks that’s a disaster waiting to happen, Naomi thinks Natalya’s reacting to Jaret giving her more attention than fiancé Tyson Kidd, & Nikki wants to talk about the Bachelorette Party. Nikki wants to show Natalya a new move she wants to use which consists of, for this example, using Naomi as a victim; Nikki places the victim on the middle rope, then Nikki drops the leg, & tries to bridge the victim but unfortunately she BOTCHES her OWN MOVE & hurts Naomi! (RD:” Even when they practice their OWN moves The Bellas botch! Why am I not surprised by this?!?”)

Over to The NXT Diva’s new apartment while they are getting ready for their “apartment warming” party & the cast arrive with Naomi bringing fiancé Jimmy Uso & Natalya bringing Tyson along. The Bellas tease The NXT Divas for having cheap wine & cheap wine glasses while The NXT Divas say neither of them drinks. Nikki tells our cast that Bree’s a goer when she gets drunk. Gabriel & Cameron arrive for the party while Natalya tells Nikki about Jaret sending her a text, Nikki mentions that Jaret wants to bang Natalya. Natalya brings up that Tyson was been the only man that she has ever had sex with in her life. The party continues & Cameron brings up her fondness for older men. JoJo decides to take Gabriel to the outside patio & they make out with everybody watching them.

We’re back & just in time to catch JoJo & Gabriel having a lunch date. Gabriel ribs on JoJo how she’s underage & can’t drink. During the date JoJo offers to show Gabriel pics of her pet rabbit. (RD:”Uh…)

Over to Tampa, FL where Nikki & boyfriend John Cena are shopping for Natalya’s Bachelorette Party gift. Nikki brings up how it’s weird that Natalya only had any sexual contact with Tyson, Cena think that’s ok. (RD:”I Have to agree with The Kryptonian. Men want women that are inexperienced for the sheer reason that if we completely screw up in the bedroom then she won’t notice!”) Nikki says that what Natalya has with Tyson is beautiful but also mentions that if her family would be shocked if SHE HAD a similar relationship. (RD:”So Nikki admits to being a whore eh?”) Nikki tries to change a subject that she’s not a whore & tries miserably to get Cena’s advice for Natalya’s present.

Over to Cameron’s apartment where she’s packing for Natalya’s Bachelorette Party but boyfriend Vincent is concerned about what “fun” she’ll get into. Cameron says that she needs a break since she’s been working so hard. (RD:”Is that what you do? Work? Silly me Cameron I thought what you do is just bounce around & look like an idiot.”) Vincent wants to invite himself to the Bachelorette Party (RD:”?!?”) but Cameron says it’s mostly going to have people from WWE & she & Eva Marie can’t bring their boyfriends to the party because they are “not in the business. Vincent is trying to get himself invited by saying that Cameron doesn’t spend time with him, Cameron just ends the fight by saying that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

VIVA LAS VEGAS! The cast & some of the WWE wrestlers take a party bus to the hotel suite. JoJo screws around with a stripper pole in the shower; Daniel opens the bottle of champagne with Curt Hawkins & Jey Uso watching. (RD:”That quick 5 seconds of Curt Hawkins on this show is probably the most screen time he’ll ever spend on WWE this year!”) The Bellas decorate Natalya with Bachelorette stuff & pack her with condoms. (RD:”Really?!? Tyson Kidd is in the same room & you are going to do that! And people call me tasteless at times.”) Cameron wants to see Bree in party mode but Bree doesn’t want to do it in front of Daniel. Nikki ends this party with a cheer that only Blade Braxton would love.

The cast decide to have a little pool party & what a better way to have one by having all the Divas poses in a photo shoot! (RD:”I wish that was a joke but that actually happened.”) After the photo shoot Bree & Daniel are making out & Jimmy gets all flirtatious with Naomi. Nikki & Natalya are talking when Natalya gets texts from Jaret which sounds pretty flirtatious to Nikki but Natalya thinks they are nothing. Natalya didn’t know thanks to Nikki that she’s accidentally misleading the poor guy thinking he actually has a shot with her.

The pool party continues in Las Vegas & JoJo is ready to have some fun…That is until she sees Gabriel flirting with another girl. Eva Marie thinks JoJo is a rebound girl, JoJo says that she’s not a rebound girl. (RD:”How can JoJo know this when she had only one relationship?!?”) JoJo’s confident that Gabriel wants her.

The party continues back in the hotel suite as drinking games ensue for Natalya. Drinking happens, Kidd gives out a cheer, & Nikki gets slutty again by taking Natalya to the “Chippendale’s” show. The cast are enjoying the show mostly seeing half-naked men dance around. (RD:”And women think we’re awful for going to strip clubs yet women will pay money to see topless guy simulating a sex act?!? Nothing says fun than muscular men putting a pole near their crotch & jerking it off! By the way boss I want hazard pay after this episode!”) The Chippendale dancers take Natalya on stage & basically hog tie her & flash their junk at her. (RD:”After this episode I don’t want any women to yell at us anymore about strip clubs after this episode!”)

While most of the cast continue the party at one of the hotel’s night clubs the NXT Divas is basically bored since JoJo is under age & Eva Marie doesn’t drink. The NXT Divas walk around until they run into Gabriel having a date with another girl. JoJo is just pissed & walks off.

Back as The NXT Divas see Gabriel’s date with another girl. The NXT Divas walk out of the hotel just in time to catch Gabriel leave with the girl in a taxi cab. JoJo says that she is “DONE” with Justin Gabriel & she is shocked that he would do that. (RD:”Well I’m shocked that after ONE DATE JoJo thought Justin Gabriel was hers! It’s ONE FREAKING DATE! I mean come on! As Angry Jim Ross would say ‘Go F**k Yourself JoJo!’ “) Eva Marie told JoJo not to go after Gabriel & now she’s heartbroken. (RD:”You should talk you hypocritical whore! So far you admitted that you wanted to bang Fandango AND Roman Reigns!“)

We go back to the party as the cast continue & Bree enters “party mode”! The Divas dance normally & sexually. The Bellas & Cameron table dance (RD:”They table dance as if they know how to do it well. I’m not saying anything on that.”) & we get a shot of Cameron’s vagina. (RD:”That’s Not Divalicious Cameron! That’s Stripalicious!”) Nikki commits a party foul when she falls to the floor. The cast take the party back to the hotel room when Natalya admits that she can’t get Jaret out of her mind. Bree’s pissed but Natalya admits that she loves Kidd but maybe she’s not ready to get married. Bree & Natalya have some private time when Natalya admits she’s getting cold feet, Bree says that Jaret’s making Natalya feel special again.

We’re back & after Natalya & Bree’s little private talk Bree’s heading back to her hotel room but she’s still drunk & in “party mode”. Bree drunkenly stumbles to her hotel room but she can’t open the door so she knocks hoping Daniel would let her in. Daniel groggily lets Bree in but Bree’s acting horny after an exposed vagina shot. (RD:”WWE is supposed to be PG but in this ONE EPISODE we have guys flashing their junk to Natalya & not one but TWO times WWE Divas flashed their crotches!”) Bree then takes out a pair of fuzzy handcuffs & puts them on Daniel.

It’s the next day & Bree’s having a huge hangover & has to admit to Daniel that she was drinking & partying all night, Daniel admits that he knows but is all right since they are in Vegas. The night falls & the cast are having a dinner out with IRONICALLY enough JoJo sitting next to Gabriel (RD:”It’s as if it looks like it was, gasp, could it be that it was STAGED?!?”). Natalya thanks everybody for being with them. Gabriel takes JoJo away to talk to her about what’s going on with her, JoJo’s wondering what’s going on, Gabriel basically says “It’s not you it’s me” & blames it on her age. JoJo walks off emotionally hurt.

We’re back in Vegas as The Bellas are preparing for a new day when Bree accidentally discovers Nikki’s vibrator. Hilarity ensues with the Bellas & the vibrator.

Ron Burgundy: “You stay classy Bella Twins.”

Naomi arrives & Cameron’s hotel room & her bathroom is very impressive. Cameron gives Naomi the unexpected surprise that her boyfriend Vincent is actually coming to Vegas to see her. (RD:” Wasn’t Vincent told that he wasn’t allowed to be there?”) Naomi fears the chaos that’ll happen when Vincent shows up & speak of the devil there’s a knock on the door & Vincent arrives! Vincent is just very excited to be here as he bounces around the room like a kindergartner drinking a soda.

The cast & Vincent arrive at a restaurant to finish off Natalya’s very long Bachelorette Party. Bree gives one long toast that comes from her heart wile Nikki goes slutty with her toast. Natalya gets a male g-string cake for her to eat. Vincent goes mental when Cameron tries to touch the cake’s “wiener”. The server brings in giant balls of cotton candy as an appetizer while Vincent grabs a long piece of cotton candy & tries to be goofy with it near Cameron.

Vincent tries to go “Lady & The Tramp” with a piece of cotton candy at Cameron while everybody in the room is looking very embarrassed that Vincent is there. Vincent’s antics continue until he spills his drink on himself.

The cast arrive at a major club called “ghost bar” & of course they are partying & dancing all over the place. Natalya & Kidd say that they love each other while Vincent gets drunk out of his mind! Cameron says that when Vincent gets really drunk he goes really nuts! Vincent wants to drink himself to death but Cameron’s trying to sober him up. Drunk Vincent is talking to Natalya (RD:”OH GOOD! That’s what we need around here, more stupidity!”) apologizing for actually being there. Now Drunk Vincent is going over to Jimmy saying that he’ll back him up anytime. (RD: “Jimmy Uso has a person like that & it’s called his brother Jey!”) Cameron finds Vincent & goes mental that Vincent spilled a drink on her dress, Drunk Vincent of course denies this. Now a fight is breaking out between Cameron & Drunk Vincent. The fight goes on for while until Cameron is pissed & orders Vincent that they are leaving. While the cast are continuing to part Cameron takes a Drunk & now PISSED Vincent out because Cameron is going to be embarrassed by him! Now Vincent is doing the “walk the line” drunk test & Cameron storms back to her hotel room. In the end Natalya is happy about having the Bachelorette Party & she has no more cold feet wedding jitters.

End of Show

And RVM Kai wonders how I could handle this damn show?!?

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