WWE Total Divas Recap Episode 7: One Down, One To Go! (With Special Guest @angryjr !)

Previously on Total Divas…

Episode 7: “A Leg Up” or “One Down, One to Go!

We start off the show with one of the WWE Talent monkeys calling Eva Marie giving her the good news that out of all the Divas on the WWE & NXT Roster she’s getting a photo shoot for MAXIM magazine. (RD:”Smells like a set-up to me. I mean Eva Marie is just a no-talent rookie a.k.a. a typical WWE Diva & she gets something big as MAXIM?!? I call shenanigans on that!”)

Total Divas Title Entrance of Death

Another day another RAW as The Bellas get mobbed by WWE fans & they brag about ever since they came back to WWE they are doing a lot of great things & go to a lot of big events. (RD:”Or ever since Nikki’s has been banging John Cena. Just sayin’.”)

Over to Cameron’s apartment & boyfriend Vincent wants to go to some red-carpet event that Cameron’s going to but Cameron thinks Vincent has to fill out some legal papers for the Sheriff’s. (RD:”Who knew that men can become starf-ers?!? I mean Cameron’s an idiot that has always looked to be famous now Vincent just wants to be a part of that life! What a poser!?!”) Cameron’s pissed that Vincent wants to go to at the last minute, Vincent plays the “well I want to spend time with you instead of my friends” card, and Cameron tells Vincent that her job at WWE is a busy one. Cameron tells Vincent to go away but he wants the last word.

Over to “The Fortress of Solitude” a.k.a. John Cena’s place where trainers are stretching Cena out to make sure he doesn’t get injured. (RD:”Or also called getting is daily allotment of Yellow Sun radiation.”) Nikki goes over how much abuse pro wrestlers go through on a daily life & she wants to try it out. The trainers work out with Nikki & she gets orgasmic all about it; Cena admits that he’s getting turned on looking at Nikki going through the process. Nikki walks around & whispers in Cena’s ear that “she’s more flexible now.

Over to a restaurant somewhere in Grand Rapids, MI where Natalya, Cameron, & The NXT Divas are having lunch at a restaurant. Eva Marie drops the bomb that she’ll be in MAXIM. Natalya knew that Eva Marie has an “It Factor” while Cameron thinks that Eva Marie’s gunning for her spot. (RD:”Cameron should be concerned. I mean she was the last person to be a part of ‘The Johnny Ace Job Program’ which means she had to give up the ass for it. Eva Marie probably can do a lot more than Cameron. Maybe if Eva Marie can do the ‘Rusty Trombone’?”) JoJo is jealous that Eva Marie is getting this & needs a way to get noticed as well. (RD:”Well JoJo it’s never too late to sleep with Arn Anderson, he bangs a lot of WWE Divas because he’s a lying douche. Or maybe you can do some group bukkake scenes? I mean you are a WWE Un-Diva so certainly you have no ring talent at all!”) All the Diva’s are supporting Eva Marie but it’s pretty obvious they are threatened by her.

Over to The NXT Diva’s apartment & Eva Marie caught JoJo practicing “The Star Spangled Banner” & that’s when we find out that JoJo wants to be a singer & she tells Eva Marie that she wants to go up to one of the WWE Talent Monkeys & wants to sing the National Anthem at a RAW. (RD:”A very risky ploy by JoJo since singing ‘The National Anthem’ at a sporting event or something like at a RAW is one of the most difficult things that even professional singers can do.”) JoJo wants to use her singing as a way to get on the RAW/Smackdown rosters but Eva Marie questions JoJo if she wants to be in WWE as a singer or as a wrestling Diva. (RD:”Oh you should talk Miss Double D-Cember contestant! WWE’s history has singers in it becoming somewhat famous. Smackdown announcer Lillian Garcia has used WWE to start her own professional singing career, Rikishi has rapped for WWE in some of their music & lots more. Besides WWE is an ‘ENTERTAINMENT’ company now not a ‘WRESTLING’ company.”)

Over to another restaurant lunch with Natalya, Cameron & The NXT Divas but this time The Bellas decided to join them for lunch. Eva Marie decided to tell The Bellas about her being in MAXIM, The Bellas mention they were in “MAXIM SPAIN” but Nikki also admits she feels threatened by Eva Marie as well. (RD:”Nikki listen to Raging here. YOU’RE F-ING JOHN CENA!!! You are on a Michelle McCool level of protection in WWE & maybe even more so! How are you threatened by a wanna-be model that got noticed in a stupid radio beauty pageant?!?!? I got the person for this segment here. Hey Angry Jim Ross! I know your retired & all but what’s your opinion about Nikki Bella feeling threatened by Eva Marie?”)

Angry Jim Ross: "[phone rings] How ya doin tonight Fake Deal!? Angry Jim's gonna put aside this little feud with you for a minute because I want to rant on this Total Divas show! I never watched this piece of **** even before Vince fired...I mean...when I retired from WWE, but I saw some of it on that invention called YouTube after I accidentally clicked on it while searching for Dark Journey videos! Let me just say what bull**** this "reality" show is! I mean why does Nikki Bella, who is already ****ing Cena: the biggest star in rasslin today, feel threatened by Lisa Marie doing that photo-shoot?! You know how many photo-shoots did that ***** got when Johnny Age was in Talent Relations?! They should have had an episode where Cena is threatened by Johnny Age attempting to **** Nikki behind his back, just like he did my wife! Go **** yourselves! "

(RD:”I hate to say this but…Thank you Jim?”)

Cameron brings up how Vincent wants his family to meet her; The Bellas think that Vincent maybe wants Cameron to marry him. Cameron says that she’s not ready for marriage & thinks its forever. (RD:”Well marriage is a joke now thanks to Kim Kardashain so it’s not forever anymore.”) The Bellas ask if Cameron loves Vincent, Cameron says that she LIKES Vincent but not LIKE-LIKE Vincent. (RD:”?!?”) The Bellas think that Vincent may not be “The One” for Cameron; Nikki brings up that she would do ANYTHING for Cena (RD:”Well yeah of course since if you do anything for Cena that means you have a long & healthy career in WWE.”) while Bree thinks that maybe Cameron’s not ready to get married & maybe she needs to dump Vincent. Natalya thinks Cameron’s too protective, Nikki asks if Cameron can live without Vincent (RD:”Lord knows I can!”), Cameron’s not too sure about that.

We’re a stone’s throw away from WWE Headquarters at Hartford, CT for another RAW & we’re in a Diva’s Tag Team Match involved AJ Lee, The Bellas, The Funkadactyls, Natalya, & Kaitlyn. Another botchtastic match as always for the WWE Divas but thanks to Kaitlyn throwing Bree into Nikki, who was standing outside of the ring, Nikki falls off the ring & lands so bad that she injures her shin. The match goes on & after the match the medical crew brings Nikki backstage. It turns out that Nikki has an old soccer injury with that same shin that she broke it in two parts & had to be put back together by putting an iron rod & 3 screws into her leg! (RD: “OW! But still she gives it up for Cena faster than a fat man for a Twinkie.”) Bree wants Nikki to go see the resident WWE doctor, Nikki doesn’t want to, Bree forces Nikki to see the doctor since WWE has them as a TEAM & they are called “The Bella TWINS!” & if Nikki doesn’t want to see the doctor she’ll tell Cena & the WWE higher-ups about the injury. Nikki doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want to give up her spot after The Bellas just returned. Bree gives Nikki the weekend to go to the doctors or else she’s TELLING!

We’re back & in Los Angeles as Eva Marie arrives for her MAXIM photo shoot & she’s ecstatic about the whole process. Eva Marie does her photo shoot for MAXIM (RD:”And it’s comical. Some of her faces for the photos looked like she’s passing gas!”) & the photographers compliment Eva Marie for knowing how to take photos. (RD:”Well Eva Marie does have her own website that’s mostly of her trying to be a model.”)

Back in Tampa when Cena & Nikki are having some coffee at a local coffee house, Cena gets mobbed by a fan so he takes a picture with her with Nikki waiting. Nikki brings up that her shin is hurting, Cena tells Nikki to go see a doctor because he thinks Nikki broke her shin. Cena brings up that Nikki always works on her physical appearance but never her actual body (RD:”Because Nikki wants to get paid that’s why! Keep the Kryptonian happy & she gets money! Everybody knows that!”), Nikki says she doesn’t want to be on the Disabled List & away from WWE. Cena tells Nikki that taking some time off to heal is okay & he’ll be there for support even if it means taking 1-2 years off from WWE; Nikki’s not too thrilled about being off WWE for 1 year to heal (RD:”Nikki your banging John Cena! Michelle McCool came back & left so many times & got so many pushes because she offered the ass for Undertaker. You’ll be fine in your slutty whorish ways.”)

Over to Los Angeles as Cameron & Vincent are spending the day together; Cameron goes to the nail salon to get her nails done. Cameron takes her toy Chihuahua out of her bag & decided the dog needs to get her nails done!

While the nail person (RD:”Is that an actual title for that? I’ve never done it.”) puts nail polish on the dog, Vincent want Cameron to meet her dad. Cameron says she doesn’t even have the time to see Vincent’s dad. Vincent says it is really important for his dad to meet Cameron, Cameron says she’s okay with meeting Vincent’s dad because it’s important to him.

Back to The NXT Diva’s apartment as Eva Marie returns home after the MAXIM photo shoot. Eva Marie describes the experience to JoJo & shows her a photo from the shoot as a souvenir. JoJo’s okay with Eva Marie coming back but Eva Marie didn’t expect JoJo’s lack of joy for her. Eva Marie thinks something is wrong with JoJo & walked away thinking JoJo is jealous of her.

We’re back as Naomi & JoJo are at the gym with Jimmy Uso training. Naomi talks about Eva Marie’s MAXIM photo shoot, JoJo’s thinking about stepping her game up thanks to Eva Marie & talks to Naomi about her singing idea, Naomi thinks it’s a great idea. JoJo brings up wanting to sing The National Anthem, Naomi questions the song choice since The National Anthem is a hard song to sing. Naomi then offer JoJo some help by singing with her, JoJo loves the idea. Naomi suggests that instead of The National Anthem that maybe the both of them sing Brodus Clay’s entrance theme of “Somebody Call My Momma!” & add Cameron to it as well; but Naomi really wants to do this idea so The Funkadactyls get more TV time as well.

We’re at a hospital as Nikki’s going in for a CT scan. After the procedure is done & the doctors send it to WWE; The Bellas leave & Nikki’s concerned about missing Summerslam, Bree thinks the nagging injury could be serious, Nikki wants to ignore it. Bree’s concerned because if Nikki goes on the Disabled List it would also means she’s gone from WWE TV as well & Nikki’s not thinking about that.

Over to Eva Marie & Natalya driving somewhere in Natalya's car. Natalya complains about not having any time at all since she has to plan a wedding now. Natalya discusses that at times she needs to be away from Tyson Kidd just to get a breather & she can’t comprehend being around JoJo a lot. Eva Marie says that she does everything with JoJo & she complains about JoJo’s living habits. Natalya says that JoJo should be more concerned with learning Pro Wrestling Basics 101 than trying to form a band with The Funkadactyls! (RD:”Does Natalya know what company she’s in? This is WWE & their Divas! All they know is ONE MOVE & THEY SCREW THAT MOVE REALLY BAD! The rest of the time they screw up horribly!”) Natalya then slams the un-talented Divas that don’t make it as “glorified Hooter girls” which Eva Marie admitted that at one time she did work at Hooters. (RD:”So that explains a few things! Hooter Girls are the start of being porn stars! Not kidding. I know strippers that want to be Hooter Girls because they don’t want to be naked. The path to being a porn start like this; You got Hooter Girl, then topless dancer, then full-blown naked stripper, then pose for adult magazines like SCORE or Hustler, then Porn! This is science!”)

Naomi & JoJo arrive at a recording studio where Naomi has an idea to create a sample track of JoJo’s idea with The Funkadactyls & send the track over to Head WWE Talent Monkey Jane Geddes hoping she would like it. Naomi used her dad’s connection in the music industry to get the recording studio & help they need to record the track. With Naomi’s dad’s help they manage to harmonize & create the track they needed.

Back to Los Angeles as it’s time for Cameron to meet Vincent’s dad! Turns out that Vincent’s Armenian & his dad’s showing Cameron actual Armenian brad & talks about the wedding that Vincent & Cameron will have, of course Cameron is shocked about the wedding talk. Vincent’s dad doesn’t like Cameron’s WWE career (RD:”Good! Neither do I!”) & wants her to quit so she can birth babies for Vincent. Cameron’s speechless & in the bad way. Cameron says she’s not ready to have kids, Vincent’s dad is not happy with Vincent not having a big wedding or having any responsibilities at all.

Back at The NXT Diva’s apartment & Eva Marie brings up the whole JoJo’s jealous thing again. JoJo gets a call from WWE Head Talent Monkey Jane Geddes, she got the music track & she loves it & she wants to find a way to have JoJo & The Funkadactyls actually perform the song.

Back to Cameron & Vincent as they are having another day out; Vincent has a big surprise for Cameron & that surprise is…An Engagement Ring! Cameron’s not too thrilled about that. Cameron storms out of the jewelry shop, Vincent follows, Cameron tells Vincent she’s not ready to get married & tells Vincent that they need a break. Vincent understands as they hug & tells Cameron that he’ll give her the break she needs & will still be there for her when she’s ready.

Back at the arena for another RAW as The Bellas go see the head WWE doctor & it looks like Nikki broke her shin. Doctor tells Nikki she needs to be away from WWE for 3 months to heal & she can’t be in the ring, Bree asks if Nikki can escort her, doctor says Nikki can’t get physical at all. The Bellas got to tell the WWE Talent Monkeys to say that Nikki’s now on the DL. Meanwhile The Funkadactyls & JoJo practice for their big song tonight. Cameron practices her booty shaking just as THAT moment that Vinnie Mac a.k.a. WWE Chairman & CEO Vincent K. McMahon walks by them. Vinnie Mac is expecting their performance tonight. Unfortunately it gives Naomi a bad case of the nerves which turns out to be a bad chest cold.

The crowd is filling up the arena, JoJo’s nervous for her big break, Naomi is nervous she’ll screw up due to her chest cold, Eva Marie’s saying that this is live so JoJo can’t screw up, Bree says this is JoJo’s one chance. Luckily it turns out that The Funkadactyls & JoJo will be performing on “WWE’s Main Event”. The Funkadactyls come out & they start to perform. Cameron’s overhyping the performance; Naomi & JoJo are WAY OFF pitch that the fans are grabbing their ears in pain! Eva Marie thinks its karma for JoJo not supporting her! (RD:”Hey Eva Marie! Go **** yourself! Not everybody in the whole damn world has to support you. You could have supported JoJo even though she wasn’t too thrilled like a friend should have but now we see what you really are & that’s a giant ass whore like The Bellas. I expect you to be "AIRTIGHT!" supported by The Shield damn near soon!”) WWE Head Talent Monkey Jane was not too thrilled to see that. After the performance Eva Marie with a big shit-eating grin & Bree turn around to see The Funkadactyls & JoJo come backstage. Naomi thought their performance was mediocre, Cameron thought it was a partial train wreck (RD:”And if anybody that knows train wrecks it would be Cameron because she causes a lot of them in the ring.”), JoJo thinks she screwed up big time!

The Bellas meet WWE Talent Monkey Mark. Mark has news for The Bellas. “The Brain trust” that is WWE Creative think Nikki on crutches is not good for the WWE Diva “BRAND” & Nikki’s officially on the DL recovering from home. Nikki thinks her wrestling career is done.

End Of Show

One down! One to go! By the way did you know that Eva Marie had a photo shoot for MAXIM magazine? I think they barely mentioned it.

No comments: