293 Fun House: April 12, 2020

Squeal Like A Pig, Allen!
93 minutes

Blade's audio setup returns him to Smooth Jazz. RD's audio setup returns him to Jeff Foxworthy.

Blade threatens to talk about wrestling before he coughs into the microphone. RD thinks Tam's release and the global pandemic are related.

Blade bought some custom made coasters from RD. He has also made some WC related ones with the help of his wife.

Bitey is taking a break from soundbiting Fantasy Booking Island and using a HulkTrolla the other day. (:10)

RD's tournament is down to the Final between Katie Vick and David Arquette. (:12) RD was surprised by Judy Bagwell's path all the way to the Conference Finals including Giant Gonzales, but even she could not stop runaway Katie who was up in the 90s and a...69 to the Gooker (who was also up in the 90s). Beaver Cleavage also got high due to weak competition. Meanwhile Arquette went beyond the Shockmaster (and No Way Outback Jack). The Yeti had a Cinderella run defeating original worst gimmick Red Rooster. More mockery of him ensues. Meat also erected himself  beyond Al Wilson by 0.5%, Naked Mideon beat the Boogeyman, and the Black Scorpion disappeared. Blade wonders if some of their footage will appear in Arquette's upcoming documentary.

Sad News: Blade forgot to send in a predictive bracket.

Sadder News: Both vote for the first time. Katie is currently in the lead.

Saddest News: Brakus was not one of the contenders, but he was extensively and insultingly made fun of by Jim Ross and Vince Russo in Vice TV's Dark Side of the Ring series' latest episode on the Brawl For All. (:29) RD once ran away from New Jack. Blade almost stayed in a hotel room with him, but Mustafa did give him a beer once. He does his Jeff Foxworthy impression. "God bless Doc." He does his Jim Ross impression.

[To quote the induction on why he deserves such ridicule: "Well, in poor Brakus’ case, he got bested by Savio Vega. This while Jim Ross dubbed Brakus the “German Superman.” Somehow I doubt the real Superman would have become as famous as he is if he got beat up by Savio Vega."]

Young Buck Nick Jackson is a father for the third time. (:37)

Blade has sent RD so many screen caps of Fifth Horsewoman Tam. (:40) She is offering some special offer on her Snapchat or other and yet again can not handle people expectantly being people such that she thinks Ashley Massaro is still alive. Blade does his Tam impression. Krankor's laughing has woken up Bitey. "Did you ever see her porno film?"

Gary "Blue" Oransky of Facebook has today's Question because he commented first: (:47) "In these trying times how often do you shower and/or change your underwear?" he asks. Blade hasn't been on a date in a week (so he's been out of action longer then). RD is considered "essential" enough to be out and about, lucky him.

Blade's random photo was featured on his idol Godfather's Pizza social network, in the pinnacle of his life up to this point. (:50)

Since that was not a proper Question RD went back to The Board again. (:52) He had gone down a recent thread of a "tribute to women in wrestling" (was it the same one he had gone to previously?). "Sexist" Blade reads something sent by RD about "Soul Kane" lusting over Liv Morgan in the Elimination Chamber.

Also from that same Facebook thread from Brian Keith Johnson/Jackson, who was second: (:57) "What woman in wrestling today would you want to be quarantined with?" Don's daughter wouldn't be one of them for the still quarantined Blade. RD wants non-woman Orange Cassidy (like me), non-woman Chris Jericho with his bubbly, non-woman Batista for a brief minute, and Becky Lynch with her dolls. Blade wants Mickie James to sing country songs about Christmas sweaters with, non-woman Black Scorpion to practice magic tricks with, and non-sane person Tam.

"Celebrations" for Triple H's 25 years will "begin" on Smackdown in two weeks, in news that definitely needs no further comment. The Fruitcakes do so anyway, for obvious reasons. (:63)

Big Black Room WrestleMania was alright, except for Becky Lynch who only appeared in the fourth match, and Michael Cole who once again showcased his commentating mastery. (:69) The Fruitcakes worry over the hilarious gimmick matches now influencing others to make it worse by copying them (and WWE adding to things by also failing to copy themselves properly). Blade fears the Undertaker will now use such matches to continue wrestling to Ric Flair age levels. The Fun House encounter was particularly awful as a "match", reminding rambling Blade of the teleporting not-hot Dungeon of Doom, among other things.

However RD is thankful Vince did not (yet) do a match based on Deliverance.

Seventeen easily digestible syllables:
Ruthless Aggression.
Ruthless Aggression. Ruthless
Aggression. Bad Shit.



$1.50 : $34.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

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