Scat! Darn Catwoman
January 25, 1967
"Catwoman
mind-controls Batman! Holy Domination! Will the Boy Wonder be able
to pause her paws before she performs what-have-you on you-know-what?"
63 minutes
Vince is already preparing for Spring Training. RD: Valentine's Day With RUSSO does not follow his Cincinnati Reds. Mrs. Deal's crab cakes are 85% crab.
Narrator: "When we last glimpsed the masked man-hunter, he was about to be snapped to death by a gigantic bat-trap. And a poor, drugged Robin as the unwitting tool of his destruction! Batman's only hope is to join forces with Catwoman. But we know he won't do that! Or will he? The incredible answer in just one moment!"
With one thread left, Batman decides to surrender as to not make Robin a murderer.
Catwoman: "You realize I'll have to drug you with cataphrenic to make sure you're not faking."
Batman: "Of course, Catwoman. I wouldn't expect you to believe me."
Catwoman: "There's no honor among thieves, Batman."
Batman: "I'll buy that."
He then asks immediately to take a Bat-pill first since he has a headache.
Pussycat: "Would you like some chicken soup?"
Catwoman drugs him in the lightest manner possible, making him into what RD terms a "spacey pervert." (:10)
Batman: "Heyyyyy. You're a pretty good looker. You got some class, baby. Who are you?"
After letting him spin her around to check out her tail, they go to the Batmobile to count out her money to make sure it reaches 1 million.
Batman: "Hey, hey, that's a neat haul, Catbaby."
Catwoman: "Only the beginning. A drop in the proverbial bucket. We're gonna live it up! We're gonna wail, doll!"
RD wonders if it is safe to count money in a convertible. Vince would lose count.
She tells him about her plan, and that they are to go to the "Old Criminal's Home." "Oh, would I love to see Commissioner Gordon's face now."
Cut to Commissioner Gordon's face now as he hears from O'Hara that Catwoman is riding with Batman.
Gordon: "The worst has come to pass. Send out an all-points bulletin, Chief O'Hara: "Wanted, dead or alive: Batman, Robin, Catwoman, and Pussycat.""
The Bros express surprise that he would be so jealous as to kill his one true love after a single sighting with the enemy.
The Old Criminal's Home has a very distinct musical theme. One of the inhabitants, Little Al, is about to go "back in the good old days" before Catwoman tries to stop him. Batman literally throws a laundry bag of the money at him as he keeps going on, while providing her with the mint plans.
Little Al (to the camera): "Criminals just ain't genteel anymore."
Meanwhile Gordon is stuck taking phone calls from Mayor Linseed, Governor Stonefellow, President Johnson, before receiving an anonymous tip. Sadly it is not from Vice President Humphrey. Vince is unsure if Johnson had any First Dogs.
Back at the Catlair Pussycat sings another song named Maybe Now to Robin. No wait, a photo of Robin. During that time there's a random two second cut to a police car. Perhaps they're also listening? RD: "Was Kevin Dunn directing this?"
Robin appears under a sign stating "Robin's Sleeping Do Not Disturb", which is a very helpful use of the series' sign maker.
Robin: "Come on, baby, did you miss me? Are you still madly in love with me, huh? How about a little smooch? You're my kind of dame."
Pussycat: "I hardly even know you, Robin."
Robin: "Kissing is a great way to get acquainted, sweetheart."
Pussycat: "Robin, I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm not the type of girl to kiss a boy on the first crime."
Robin: "Close your eyes and pucker, and don't worry about your reputation."
Before anything untoward can occur the police break in, led by the Undynamic Duo, to arrest them. Pussycat asks to change into her street clothes first.
Batman and the other villains see this from afar, and Catwoman wonders how they could have been found out.
Catwoman: "We're gonna have to find a place to hide out, Batman. Do you remember the way back to the Batcave?"
Batman: "Batcave? What's a Batcave?"
She jogs his memory by lightly touching his head. He responds by using the Batgas.
Cut back to police HQ where Pussycat looks somewhat warm under the police spotlight. Vince still finds her eyes attractive though. The two debate her look again. Vince: "I'm not looking at her eyes!"
Pussycat: "My name is Pussycat. My rank is criminal, second class. I have no serial number. Now, if you want any more information, flatfoot, see my mouthpiece."
O'Hara: "What she needs is a good slap...on the wrist."
Gordon: "You know I'm violently opposed to police brutality."
This leads the two to come up with an actual good plan, broken clocks that they are: tracing the called Batphone.
Vince messes around with his second camera. The angle keeps startling RD.
At the Batcave Batman wakes Catwoman up, who is of course enamored by the place. (:27)
Batman: "It's a nice little pad, Catbaby."
The Love Theme emerges again as the two sweet talk each other.
Catwoman: "Is there something you'd like to do, Batman?"
Batman: "Yeah, I got your message, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Isn't there something that you wanna do? Now that we're standing almost mask to mask this way."
Batman: "Sure, Catwoman. But first, we got the heist at the Mint to think about."
Suddenly the Automatic Bat Alarm for Detecting Phone Detecting Equipment rings. Batman flips the Diversionary Bat Phone Line Switch.
Narrator: "Meanwhile, back in the rundown apartment of the world's richest and cheapest inventor, Pat Pending..."
Pat counts his money under his mattress when the police break in. "Stay right where you are, Batman!" one declares. "Judging by your appearance, I'd never guess your secret, but the Batphone line led us right to you!"
Despite Pat's pleas to the contrary, they also have Ruby (Val-let) as Robin down at HQ.
Pat: "That's ridiculous. Rudy's 32 years old."
Officer: "And obviously very spry for his age."
That does make him seven years younger than Victor Paul regardless.
Back at the Batcave Batman writes a note for Alfred to deliver some Bat-Antidote to Robin. He then again gasses Catwoman before they take off.
It is now 5 am at the Mint, according to the Narrator and the Love Theme as the Bat and the Cat are around.
Catwoman: "It's cold."
Batman: "Here. You want my cape around you?"
Catwoman: "I prefer your arms around me."
Before they can kiss the other goons interrupt with their timing, the spoilsports.
There is no visible entrance, so Catwoman has to make one with a hammer, rather than the Dark Knight just standing there. To open s safe they use a noiseless explosive called "silentmite", which sadly does not have any helpful sign.
Of course it's not money in the safe, but instead it's Robin, "back to my old, young crime-fighting self."
Batman: "Catwoman, you've been hoist on your own petard."
RD wishes he was more insulting of her for allowing him to take a Bat-Antidote in the first place. But instead he just lightly and symbolically brushes his cloak.
Cue a very short fight with money bags.
The Undynamic Duo arrive expectantly late and apologetic for again doubting them. RD wishes Batman was more insulting of them for wanting their officers to shoot him. In the midst of all this Catwoman has already taken off in the Batmobile since she somehow took the keys.
Robin: "Holy diversionary tactic!"
Batman: "There is one way we can catch her, Robin. Chief O'Hara, may I have the keys to your patrol car?"
O'Hara: "You insured?"
Of course a normal patrol car has no way to catch up with Catwoman as she speeds at 5 miles per hour to New Guernsey.
Batman: "Here, take this."
Robin: "The remote control apparatus. Why didn't I think of that?"
Batman: "That device can manipulate the Batmobile. The red button is for the brakes, white is for acceleration, and the green button will turn the car a la izquierda o a la derecha."
Robin: "To the left or right. Threw in a little Spanish on me, huh, Batman?"
Batman: "One should keep abreast of foreign tongues, Robin."
The Batmobile slows, Catwoman thinking she is running out of gas. Ditching the vehicle she quickly runs up some stairs in her high heels.
Batman: "Catwoman, come down!"
Catwoman: "You'll have to come up and get me, Batman."
Robin: "What now, mon ami?"
Batman: "You heard what she said, Robin. You stay where you are. I'll take care of this."
He chases after her up to the roof as she crawls around on the floor for some reason (besides the sexuality anyway). (:41) She gets cornered at the ledge with a raging river below.
Batman: "You'd never survive the fall. It's a hundred feet down into the river."
Catwoman: "Anything's better than facing prison again."
Batman: "I'll do everything I can to rehabilitate you."
Catwoman: "Marry me."
Batman: "Everything except that. A wife, no matter how beauteous or affectionate, would severely impair my crime-fighting."
Catwoman: "Then I can help you in your work. As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable. I can reform. Honestly, I can."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Robin? Oh, I've got it. We'll kill him."
Batman: "I see you're not really ready to assume a life in society."
Catwoman: "I guess you're right, Batman. Can't teach an old cat new tricks."
And then she falls into the river, away from Batman's reach. He takes out a Batkerchief as he begins to cry.
Back at Gordon's Office he leads Pussycat and the goons to the 'paddy wagon' to take them to prison to serve out their two week sentences, and apologizes again for doubting Batman and his actions to maintain his cover.
Gordon: "You remember your association with her, Boy Wonder?"
Robin: "It's all a blur. Like a horrible daymare."
They have yet to find a body in the river, so they assume the worst.
Batman: "I can't help thinking that somewhere in that great Catlair in the sky she's looking down
and laughing at us."
Robin: "I feel the same way, Batman. She made good her threat, never again to return to prison. Even though it cost her her life."
Batman: "Or at least one of her lives."
Or at least some weeks of her lives, as she will of course return again.
Mrs. Deal agreed with her husband that they thought Vince was "completely insane" in his ranking of Gore as Pussycat's look: "He's saying this lunacy when Julie Newmar was on the same screen." RD then puts her up against Pauline, despite Vince's protests.
Vince: "Bro, the woman's dead!"
RD: "If you can't make fun of the dead, who can you make fun of?"
Vince gives her 9.5 Batpoles to match Pauline, basing on her body beyond her face. He then gets stuck looking at random photos of Catwoman online. RD goes 6, but then goes 5.5 because Vince maddened him and his mocking cross-eyes.
Vince asks about "Rudy's Arcade" which will be 6 years old on April 1st. He also has trouble remembering some names. Those two are not related. (:58)
One of Vince's other co-hosts had an infamous match.
- Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [6] (Julie Newmar) [5]
- Window Celebrity: 1. Lesley Gore
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. Valentine's
- Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Breaking Bat(man)
- Screen Shares: 4. RD, Vince, RD, Vince
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