Episode 99: Holy Go-Betweens!: July 17, 2023

Ice Spy
March 29, 1967
"Mr. Freeze is back in town, and has plans to build an icy weapon that will have the world at his control. With help from Glacia Glaze, the renowned ice skater, he captures Professor Isaacson and tries to extract the secret formula for instant ice from him. Mr. Freeze then sends his trained seal Asoulda to Police Headquarters with a note, demanding Batman deliver a ransom in exchange for the professor. But the frosty villain not only plans to keep the money and the professor, but to terminate the Dynamic Duo in the process."
44 minutes

RD: Maintains Normal Eyebrows. He didn't have time to wear a cap.

As a portent of the show and totally nothing else happening currently, on the original airdate the employees of the three major broadcast networks and part of AFTRA went on strike. It would last for 13 days, ending just in time for the Oscars. 

Narrator: "The luxury liner S.S. Gotham Queen is only hours out of Gotham City. Her passengers are  enjoying a final meal on-board, little knowing it could well be their final meal."

Passenger and ice skater Glacia Glaze asks other passenger Professor Isaacson about his "top secret" formula for instant ice. Already the Bros are in disagreement over her looks.
Isaacson: "I'll be working in an advisory capacity with the Bruce Wayne Foundation."
Glacia: "What a coincidence. I'm opening tonight in an ice revue at the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena."

Suddenly the ship has to full stop to not hit an iceberg right next to the harbor. This is in fact Mr. Freeze's "unique, new hideout below the water line", where he's now played by the irreplaceable Eli Wallach with long reaching twirling eyebrows. He is in fact in contact with Glacia as he orders his goons to take the Professor. 

Immediate jump cut to Bruce on the Batphone. "And then you say the kidnappers disappeared back into the iceberg and somehow the Gotham Queen was released? We'll ride with the wind, Commissioner. To the Batpoles!"

Cut to Gordon's Office the Iceberg where Isaacson already captured. Unfortunately for Freeze he's not written down the formula, only keeping it to memory. "And memory is a strange and intangible thing, you frosty-faced fool!"
Freeze order his goons Frosty and Chilblains to dismantle the Iceberg. "We'll take this perverse professor back to Gotham City and ice him. I have a chilling scheme by which I'll not only gain my ends, but permanently deep-freeze the Dynamic Duo." 
He then pets his homing seal Asoulda. 

NOW cut to Gordon's Office.
O'Hara: "Saints preserve us, who else could it be but that ice-devil incarnate, Mr. Freeze?"
Gordon calls the ship captain's testimony preposterous.
RD: "He lives in Gotham. Is this story that preposterous?"
Gordon gives the ship manifest to the Duo. "To the Batcave!"
O'Hara: "It looked as though we were in for a long cold winter, commissioner. But now, I think we're due for a sudden change in the weather."
Gordon: "Begorrah!"

Freeze's actual lair is under the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena, which visiting Glacia compliments.
Freeze: "Frosty, what does that thermometer read in the Quick Freezer?"
Frosty (creepily): "Two hundred below, boss. Dead on the cold nose."
They're keeping the Professor in there until he talks, which Glacia is excited about for some reason. Vince wonders why they didn't pretend to also kidnap Glacia as part of their cover and also as one way to also get the formula. RD wonders what she sees in Freeze as he again feeds Asoulda. 

The Duo look over the manifest in the Batcave. (:17)
Robin: "All members of a fireplace equipment dealer's tour."
Batman: "Unlikely cohorts of Mr. Freeze."
One of the passengers is listed as "Emma Strunk" which Batman knows was Glacia's original name.
Robin: "Holy ice skates. But what would a talented, beautiful, famous star like Glacia Glaze see in  frostbitten Freeze?"
Batman: "The famous Rabelais has already answered that for you, Robin, with his great wit. "To each his own," as the woman said when she kissed her cow."
Robin: "Gosh, Batman, that's sure great wit, all right."
Bruce will go later to Glacia's ice revue with...Aunt Harriet. Since she is a convenient "devotee" of hers this will allow them backstage. You know, at the arena with his name on it which would allow him to go anywhere with anyone.
Robin: "While Dick Grayson, I suppose, stays home and works on his essay on glaciers?"
Batman: "Right again, Robin."

Back at the Office, Gordon complains to Bonnie about the sudden presence of a seal in the room. Has he tried giving it a kiss from a rose? Of course it is Asoulda (on his chair) with a ransom note in his flipper to be paid directly from the Duo. It also demands that "millionaire Bruce Wayne, head of the Wayne Foundation" is to make a televised broadcast from the Office at midnight. Gordon calls Batman while O'Hara calls Bruce. 

Cue the visual of Bruce with a phone in each hand. Of course the Undynamic Duo are still on the other ends none the wiser.
Bruce: "Batman?"
Batman: "Yes, Mr. Wayne. Have you heard Mr. Freeze's scurrilous demands?"
Bruce "Just briefly."
Batman: "If Robin and I act as go-betweens are you prepared to make the telecast at midnight and pay the ransom, Mr. Wayne?"
Bruce: "I... have no choice, Batman."
Batman: "Then may I suggest you tape the broadcast from the Commissioners office an hour earlier. And we will have a dummy package of money."
Bruce: "A dummy package of money? That sounds risky."
Batman: "Risk is our business, Mr. Wayne!"
Bruce: "Of course, Batman, I have the same faith in you that all of Gotham City has."
Batman: "I hope Robin and I are deserving of that faith. I'll make the necessary arrangement and meet you at the Commissioner's office at 11."
Bruce: "Fine."
Batman: "Did you get all that, Commissioner?"
Gordon (as O'Hara hangs up): "Indeed I did, Batman. We'll set up the taped telecast and have the dummy package of money waiting. See you at 11 tonight. (He hangs up. To the camera) Two fine men, so dissimilar in many respects, and yet...yet so similar in others."

Narrator: "And presently backstage at the Ice Arena, in the dressing room of Glacia Glaze, nee Emma Strunk..." (:24)
Glacia wears a 12 foot long feathered hat as Freeze talks through her hidden communicator (a makeup mirror). He hopes for the Duo paying so that "everything's in the ice bag." She quickly closes it as Bruce and Aunt Harriet enter.
Bruce: "Your whole day sounded chaotic, Ms. Glaze. Weren't you on the Gotham Queen?"
Glacia: "A ghastly experience, Mr. Wayne. I'd rather not talk about it."
Bruce: "Of course."
Harriet: "But how lovely you look." (Emphasis mine.)
She mistakes the communicating mirror for a "darling compact" despite Freeze's confused voice coming from it and Glacia's covering for it as a Swiss music box. This of course appeases Harriet and puzzles Bruce.

In the lair the goons retrieve Isaacson from storage.
Freeze: "He should be stone cold by now. (He is in fact not or even Steve Austin) You're not even chilly!"
Isaacson: "I'm an Icelander, you frostbitten baboon! A slight drop in temperature makes little difference to me!"

Harriet goes to her box seat as Bruce leaves to take a call, leaving her to watch the show spellbound.
Dick is on the other end, both using Anti-eavesdrop Batplugs, and he is next to police HQ with a Remote Batmobile Control Phase Advancer. (:31) Bruce orders him to remote control the Batmobile nearby, place some spare Batclothes out of a nearby locker, and meet him at 10:55.

Bruce: "Alfred will take care of Aunt Harriet."

This is the only episode in the entire series that Alfred does not appear in. 

Inside in Gordon's Office, Bruce records the message to Freeze that the Duo can make the ransom delivery.
Gordon: "You sounded like an old pro, Mr. Wayne."
Bruce: "An old pro, at paying a large ransom to that contemptible kidnapper?"
Gordon: "It's only dummy money, Mr. Wayne, as Batman suggested."
Bruce (suddenly annoyed): "Yes, I wonder why. I also wonder where he is. I've done my job and he told me himself he would be here."
Gordon: "Well, he will, Mr. Wayne. No doubt about it. Probably delayed in traffic. You can always depend on the Caped Crusaders."

Bruce walks out. Five seconds later the Duo walk in.
Batman (suddenly annoyed): "Where's Mr. Wayne?"
Gordon: "He just left. Didn't you bump into him in the hall?"
Batman decides to get out via Batrope to the nearby parked Batmobile.
Batman: "Commissioner, when you called earlier, you mentioned something about the ransom note being delivered by a seal."
Gordon: "Right. He flipped right in here."
Batman: "Where is the seal?"
Gordon: "In a bathtub down the hall. Why, Batman?" (Emphasis mine.)
Batman: "Take this. It's a small echoing seal pulsator. It may come in handy later."

As the Duo reverse Batclimb a concerned citizen "here from London for a manufacturers convention" wonders about this strange custom.
Robin: "Aren't you a king or something?"
Batman: "Robin, England has no king now. England has a Queen and a great lady she is too."
Citizen: "I am sometimes called the King, Carpet King, that is."
Robin: "Holy floor covering."
Citizen: "We have second story men in England, but this is ridiculous."

In one of the strangest cameos on any show (not just a window celebrity), Cyril Lord was known not for being an actor, but for selling carpets...in the UK. The story is that as part of a deal with one of the producers he was to be given a cameo appearance.

This would also be the show's last ever Window Celebrity. So take it for what it's worth. (A carpet or two.)

In the lair the Professor has been injected with...dry ice. I wonder if Icelanders are also able to survive dry ice injected directly into their veins. Unless they actually could and this guy couldn't since he doesn't have an accent. (:38)
Glacia arrives as Freeze lets his TV "warm up" to hear Bruce's message: "Batman and Robin will make the delivery when, where, how and if you so advise us."
Batman (entering): "Right now!"

He hands Freeze the money, which he immediately sees is fake due to only one side being printed. He tries shooting his Freeze Gun, but the Duo have their "super-thermalized Bat-skivvies" to protect them. So instead they fight. This ends with the Duo being thrown into the Quick Freezer. Freeze flips a switch, then has to tap on it a few times to get it working.

"Now Glacia, all I have to do is turn on the sub-zero temperature gauge. And when they've cooled down a little, I will activate the vaporizing pipe pump and evaporate the caped double-crossers directly under the ice of the Bruce Wayne Ice Arena. Imagine, Glacia, being able to do your famous waltzing arabesques directly on Batman and Robin. Behold, they are beginning to frost up already!"

Narrator: " What fiendish freezing isometric exercise is this? Is it the isolated end of the Dynamic Duo? Have they concluded their refrigerated cycle? To be vaporized and become part of Bruce Wayne's Ice Rink? Stay frozen to your furniture! Tomorrow! Same Bat-Time! Same Bat-Channel!"

And this is also the last time we will have ever such a narrated cliffhanger as this. So take it for what it's worth. (Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.)


  • Special Guest Villain: Mr. Freeze [3] (Eli Wallach)


  • Window Celebrity: 1. Cyril "Carpet King" Lord

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