Catwoman's Dressed to Kill
December 14, 1967
"The Catwoman targets the fashion industry by first terrorizing a banquet
honoring Batgirl and then attacking a fashion show. During the attack
on the fashion show, Catwoman captures Batgirl and takes her back to her
hideout where she threatens to kill her with a pattern cutter. She then
tells Batman that if he attempts to rescue her that it will leave the
visiting Queen Bess of Bellgravia vulnerable for attack. Now the Caped
Crusader must find a way to save Batgirl and prevent any harm to Queen
Bess."
45 minutes
RD: Needs No Snoods. Vince: "Is that like a nap?"
Narrator: "Noon in Gotham City. While millions of workers hurry to their midday meal at a posh private luncheon, the city's ten best-dressed women are being named by the town's top couturier, Rudi Gernreich."
Gernreich was an actual well known avant garde fashion designer, especially during this decade. Unfortunately that does not protect him from Gordon and O'Hara (and Mayor Linseed) also being in attendance, since they are to accept a "Batty" on behalf of Batgirl "for the best-dressed crime-fightress in Gotham City". Why she couldn't accept it directly is never explained.
Neither is it explained how Catwoman managed to sneak in. Neither neither is how she is now played by an African-American actress.
"Ridiculous. Nonsense. Foolish prattle. How can Batgirl be the best anything when Catwoman is around? No best-dressed list is complete without the addition of the queen of criminals, the Princess of Plunder, yours untruly."
The Bros appreciate Eartha Kitt really getting into the villainy of the character, including her tone and inflection of voice. Yet she still has to compare herself with Julie Newmar. She doesn't get her own love theme!
Catwoman: "You ladies with your fancy hairdos, what do you know about beauty? After you suffer the effects of my hair-raising bomb. you will never be able to raise your heads in public again. Then we'll see who's the fairest of them all!"
One of the women: "No! Not our hair! Anything but that!"
She throws a hair bomb which does just that, and gives an evil laugh.
O'Hara: "To the red Batphone!"
Narrator: "In a fashionable midtown men's shop, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson scan the new styles."
Dick is getting a tuxedo for his first prom despite not knowing how to tie a bow.
Bruce: "I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Alfred and I will give you the benefit of our vast years of experience."
Bruce's pen beeps, alerting them of Gordon trying to reach the Duo.
Bruce: "We'll change into our spare Batoutfits in the limousine and leg it to police headquarters."
Dick: "Leg it? How about a taxi?"
Bruce: "Arriving at Commissioner Gordon's office in a taxi might be deemed a trifle ostentatious."
Dick: "But that's three miles from here!"
Bruce: "A sound mind in a sound body."
Cue Batrun in front of a greenscreen, assuming it's not the exact same from the Movie.
Of course Barbara is already there at the Office awaiting the Duo just because. "Ruined their hair forever? Catwoman really knows a woman's weak spot."
RD: "Couldn't they go get a haircut or something?"
She suggests using Batgirl to bait her out, much to Batman's protest. "I wouldn't dream of endangering that fair lady's head. No, you'd better leave the crime-fighting to the men."
Narrator: "And in an abandoned loft in the big black warehouse heart of Gotham City's garment center, Catwoman is fashioning her criminal conspiracy while her admiring henchmen, Angora and Manx, look on." (:15)
As Catwoman plots to catnap Batgirl and ultimately steal a piece of clothing called The Golden Fleece, the Bros continue to admire Kitt's way of saying things. The Fleece, "a million dollars' worth of 24-karat gold cloth", will be brought into town by its current owner Queen Bess of Belgravia, which she will purloin - and then sell back.
"Manx...take a telegram."
The telegram of Catwoman foretelling her appearance is for Gordon, who reads it over the phone to Batman.
Batman: "Let us handle it, Commissioner. And if you should hear from Batgirl, don't, repeat, don't tell her about this turn of events here."
Gordon: "Right. I won't tell Batgirl a thing."
Barbara (overhearing yet again): "Won't tell Batgirl what, Daddy?"
Gordon: "I guess I can tell you. After all, you're not Batgirl."
Narrator: "Having learned of Catwoman's plan from Commissioner Gordon, Barbara Gordon dons her guise as Batgirl, best-dressed crime-fightress in America. While Batgirl hurries to her fateful appointment, Batman approaches from another direction. In the showroom of Fashionation Magazine, Rudi Gernreich again regales the assemblage with his droll comments." (:18)
Rudi predicts (although he will be a few years off) that women will eventually be wearing minis, including shoes. This is enough for Catwoman to appear, still aiming to be best-dressed.
Batman: "There are no fashion shows where you're going."
Robin: "And how could a feline feloness like you also be a fashion model?"
Batman: "Credit where credit is due, Robin. She may be evil, but she is attractive. You'll know more about that in a couple of years. Now, are you coming quietly, Catwoman, or must we use force?"
Catwoman: "Your silver-tongued oratorio has convinced me, Batman. I hereby remit myself to your muscular custody."
Batman: "Don't try to pull the wool over our eye slits."
He might as well though, as the goons sneak up from behind and just...ensnare the Duo in a net.
Batgirl then shows up to pull off the net.
Batman: "How did you find out about this? I specifically asked Commissioner Gordon not to involve you. We can fight our own battles."
Catwoman has gone into the dressing rooms. "If the Dynamic Drips react the way I expect them to react, they will not step into this most hallowed and forbidden no-man's land. But Batgirl will."
Robin: "What are we going to do? We can't step into that hallowed and forbidden no-man's land without closing our eyes. And if we close our eyes, we can't see anything."
Batman: "A sound observation, Robin."
Batgirl: "You can't go in there, but I can. And with my eyes wide-open."
She does, straight into some knockout gas.
The Duo wait a minute before deciding to go in. While covering their eyes. As Batman's theme plays in a minor key.
Vince always disliked entering the ladies' locker room, sometimes even with his eyes closed.
Eyes covered, Batman walks into a mannequin. "Careful, Robin. I think it's a lady. Take my cape."
Finally one of the models tells him they are fully dressed, so they can stop with this 'comedic' act.
Robin: "Do you think she'll kill Batgirl?"
Batman: "Or worse, Robin. ... Or worse."
The situation and line delivery is so serious, one of the models corpses in the background.
In the lair Batgirl is tied up as RD notes how old Catwoman's goons are for some reason. "Did she go to a retirement community?" Kitt distracts by rolling her R's in such a manner.
Catwoman: "No hero worth his salt would let a lady expire. It's foolproof, I tell you. Perfectly foolproof."
Batgirl: "And you, Catwoman, are an even bigger fool than I thought you were. We who enforce the law would gladly lay down our lives for it."
Catwoman: "Angora, gag her. Crime-fightresses should be seen and not heard."
They prepare her to be cut into ribbons. For fashion! Catwoman puts a white flower on her body for some reason.
Meanwhile the Duo try to figure out the plot in the non-Londinium Batcave.
Robin: "It would appear she's on an apparel binge of some kind. Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods! Right, Batman?"
Batman: "Wrong. There isn't much call for Etruscan snoods these days, Robin."
Unfortunately Batman can't think straight with his deep in thought pose.
Alfred: "It would appear that your mind is not really on the subject you're pursuing."
Batman: "Very observant, Alfred. My mind's on Batgirl. Wherever she is, whatever dire danger she faces..."
Anyway they have to meet Queen Bess at "exactly" 3 pm at her embassy "to discuss the rise in Belgravian misdemeanors". Because that's what they do now. Batman then remembers she has a Golden Fleece with her that Catwoman might target.
Batman: "Belgravia would be up a creek without a fleece. They might even declare war on our country. No doubt Queen Bess would mortgage herself to the hilt to get it back. (To the camera) Nobody wants war."
Robin: "Gee, Batman, Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours."
Batman: "Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years."
At the Office Batman tells Gordon of the potential hit at the embassy just as Catwoman calls (the normal phone) to gloat. "Speak of the angel. You'd better get to 32 Pussyfoot Road, Batman, where a steel pattern cutter is just going to work on Batgirl."
Robin: "Holy dilemma! If we go to rescue Batgirl, Catwoman escapes with the Golden Fleece. And if we go after Catwoman, Batgirl dies."
Of course Batman does not suggest having the Undynamic Duo go to save her, leaving their level of incompetence at the task unsaid. Gordon doesn't even offer to go get her. So Batman has to order the two to meet Bess.
Once gone, he calls Alfred on the Batphone to tell him to go to Batgirl. But he needs to be disguised, "something as alien as possible to your normal self."
As Catwoman appears at the embassy and gasses the staff ("Sorry queenie, but I'm antisocial,") Alfred appears in the lair...in a hippie janitor outfit and even hippier accent.
Batgirl: "You look very familiar to me."
Alfred: "Me? Oh, no. No, I'm the oldest living hippie in this country. You may have heard about my being the first Boy Scout dropout at the turn of a century."
She gives him a confused look as she leaves.
Of course the Undynamic Duo have no idea at first that Catwoman has taken the Queen's place. She takes a feel of her dress as she threatens them before the Trio appear to fight. Craig actually fights with Paul as they do the arduous task of rolling a cart. Someone gets thrown through some flimsy painted paper of a wall. Catwoman hisses at Batgirl as everyone is taken away.
Back in the Office, everyone has received "the Royal Order of the Belgravian Garter" for whatever that whole situation was. O'Hara keeps talking until Bonnie calls to shut him up to alert them to the TV, which just shows Egghead and Olga. Sadly he is not riding a donkey here.
Narrator: "Egghead, Olga and her Bessarovian Cossacks are back with another assortment of devilish plots. All happening here in our next episode!"
RD liked the story far more than Vince, who missed the villain dynamic, especially with this different Catwoman. RD thought she did fine with what she had.
Vince bought a lot of 1-UPs from the recent Amazon Prime Day.
RD: "I just inducted yet another ridiculous women's match."
Vince had to suffer through the latest Raw, which had 16 women not doing much.
- Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [8] (Eartha Kitt)
- Window Celebrity: 1. Rudi Gernreich
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