The Ogg Couple
December 21, 1967
"Egghead and Olga, Queen of the Cossacks, kick off their return with
several thefts from the Gotham City Museum. Egghead begins planning a
series of heists - intended to provide him with the dowry needed to
marry Olga. Swiping 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar goes off without a
hitch. But when Batgirl attempts to outfox Egghead, she is instead
captured by the villain. It's up to Batman and Robin to find the
villains' hideout before Olga's Cossacks make mincemeat out of their
crime fighting friend."
41 minutes
RD: A Clever, Crafty Coward. Vince was disappointed the episode had more Olga than Egghead. RD found it odd. Among the oddities: the show never did a proper Christmas episode.
Narrator: "A typically beautiful day in Gotham City. But the return of a dastardly duo and their deadly dragoons bodes darkening clouds."
Like the last appearance, Eggy, his poor little donkey, Olga, and Cossacks thunderously march on the street just as a Boy Scout helps a little old lady across it, as they go to the Los Angeles County Art Museum and Historical Society.
[Checks earpiece]
I'm sorry, I'm being told by the Narrator that it's actually the Gotham City Art Museum.
(Unless this was a name change by Gordon to try and confuse villains.)
Anyway the group breaks in so Olga can steal the Silver Scimitar of Taras Bulbul.
Security Guard: "You'll never get away with this, you scoundrel!"
Egghead: "Shh. This is a museum. Quiet, please."
His lot is the golden egg the scimitar is stuck in - that is, if she can pull it out of its eggshell stone. Eggy has to use his "Egg of Ogg Acid" so she can pull it out and be the rightful Queen of Bessarovia.
Egghead: "Now let's get out of here fast before the Gotham City cops arrive."
Olga: "Oh, do not worry about cops, darling. My Cossacks are making cops-burgers from them if they buttinski."
Egghead: "Fine, fine, but let's get out of here anyway."
Price sells the egg's weight by looking like he's getting a hernia.
Gordon gets the call in his Office. (:09)
O'Hara: "Begorra. I thought Egghead was behind bars and the Bessarovians had been sent back to Bessarovia."
Gordon: "Bessarovia didn't want the Bessarovians. And Egghead's out on a legal technicality. There's only one person who can help us. But I can hardly bring myself to call him again. Give me a moment to summon my strength and courage. For if ever strength and courage were needed in Gotham City, Chief O'Hara...it's needed now."
In Stately Wayne Manor Bruce and Dick are actually reading in their Library.
Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, that Genghis Khan was quite a guy. In the 13th century, he and his Mongol armies almost conquered Europe."
Bruce: "Yes, Dick, the Mongols are fierce warriors. Even today you can find pockets of them scattered throughout Asia."
Alfred gets the ringing Batphone despite it being within easy reach of Bruce. "To The Batpoles!"
Gordon: "[Egghead]'s a very stupid man, compounding all his felonies." (Emphasis mine, considering how smart Eggy's shown to be. Especially compared to the police at any rate.)
Batman: "Women like Olga have been the downfall of far wiser men than Egghead, Commissioner. No, the invasion was just the beginning of the new nefarious plan of pilfer and plunder involving, no doubt, more egg targets of some kind."
Gordon: "We'll make a list of every egg target left in Gotham City, Batman."
In the big black warehouse lair, Olga rubs Eggy's head rather vigorously while the Cossacks do their dancing thing.
Egghead: "The Scimitar of Taras Bulbul, the golden Egg of Ogg, are only the beginning of a series of dastardly plans that will leave Gotham City begging for mercy."
Olga: "Mercy! Ha! My Cossacks are not giving mercy."
Egghead: "No, of course not. You lovely, evil woman, not a drop of mercy!"
Olga: "You are heartless, hairless man. I'm liking you more and more."
As part of getting more loot for his marriage dowry, Eggy plans to steal 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar, "a gift from the czar of Samarkand to the people of Gotham City. And it's worth $200 an ounce."
Meanwhile Barbara (in a nice yellow outfit) is now at the Office asking her father to have lunch with her. (:15)
Gordon: " I only wish I could, darling, but Gotham City is in too much danger."
Barbara: "Danger? ... I only wish there was something I could do to help."
Gordon: "There is something you can do. You can help...by going straight home and staying out of trouble."
She does go home, where she talks to Charlie as she takes him into her room to change into Batgirl. RD found that odd for some reason.
In the Batcave the Duo have finished warning every egg related business in the city. Batman's Bat-logic suddenly reminds him that Samarkand neighbors Bessaravia and thus they may go after the caviar.
This is despite Bessaravia being in Moldova...a good 2900 km away from Uzbekistan.
Hilariously, this is shorter than the distance from New Jersey (home of Gotham City) to Los Angeles (home of the Los Angeles County Art Museum and Historical Society) which is 3900 km.
Robin: "What's Gotham City gonna do with 500 pounds of dehydrated caviar?"
Batman: "No one could decide. So it's being stored in a specially-cooled vault at the Gotham National Bank."
This realization is so momentous that it needs a commercial break.
Sure enough the Cossacks strike at the Bank.
Olga: "Do not draw revolver, little shmyerdski, or I am having Ossip bash you to beatniks."
The shmyerdski, er, branch manager laughs at them thinking they're going after the money which was transferred elsewhere, until Olga tells him otherwise. "Old Cossack saying: Do not make "ha" before eggs are safe. Snatch the caviar and make fast goodbye."
The group exits just as Eggy rides in late on his donkey. Then all of a sudden the branch manager remembers he has a security guard with a gun and orders him to shoot Egghead.
Just then Batgirl appears, so he pleads for her help.
Batgirl: "Not so brave when your henchmen aren't around, are you?"
Egghead: "Oh, I never claimed to be brave, Batgirl. No, I'm clever and crafty, but I'm a complete coward. You won't let him shoot me?"
Batgirl: "That depends. Where are the Cossacks you've been running around with?"
Egghead: "They speak Bessarovian and I don't speak the language."
Batgirl: "Perhaps there are some other languages you do know, Egghead. The language spoken by that guard's gun!"
Egghead: "Do you expect me, a respected arch-criminal to fink on my friends like a common stool pigeon?"
Batgirl: "Of course."
Egghead: "(Beat) ...All right, I'll do it."
He gets on the Batcycle behind her, which really speaks for itself.
Finally the Duo appear, and the branch manager catches them up to speed.
Batman: "Batgirl is a match for any gang of ordinary hoodlums, but for a wild band of Bessarovian Cossacks even her extraordinary abilities might not be enough."
The Batcycle arrives at the lair first, showing Price having the time of his life, though wouldn't anyone?
Batgirl: "No tricks."
Egghead (appalled): "Tricks? Oh, Batgirl, how could you suspect me of trying to trick you?"
So of course the Cossacks try to surprise her, so she immediately...moves the other way.
Batgirl: "The ambush is on the other foot now, Egghead."
Egghead (appalled): "You tricked me."
Batgirl also does some barrel rolls in between her smiles and her kicks, so Olga has to trip her with some caviar. They then tie her up.
Olga: "And now, my little pipkin, you will do for us saber dance with frosted swords."
Cue some intense tap dancing to Russianized Batgirl theme. RD desperately wants a clip of it from the mythical vault.
Thankfully, Batman could track the Batcycle's "radioactive spark plug" with his Bat-Geiger Counter. Yes, this one time, and not all the other times he could have followed her back to her apartment with it. That sounds shaky at best.
RD: "Where do they buy all this radioactive fuel? Is it Neutrons'R'Us? What is this place?"
Sneaking inside the Duo save Barbara's tap dancing by...turning off the record player.
Olga: "Very sad we meet at funeral."
Egghead: "Your funeral, Batman."
Batgirl doesn't do much this fight as the stunt doubles do their thing. Egghead takes the opportunity to grab her and drop her into the tub of caviar. The Duo have to save her, allowing the villains to flee.
Batgirl: "They almost turned me into a human hors d'oeuvre."
Batman: "What a chilling way to die."
Robin: "Holy cold creeps. Leave it to crooks like them to think of a trick like this."
Batman: "Yes, that's to be expected, Robin. The concept of decency is alien to the criminal mind."
Batgirl: "And thanks to me, they've escaped."
Batman: "Perhaps crime-fighting is better left to the men, Batgirl."
Batgirl: "Perhaps not."
Batman: "But this isn't exactly women's work."
Batgirl: "But I'm no ordinary woman, Batman."
Batman: (Looking her lustily up and down) "Agreed."
Now originally this whole endeavor of Egghead and Olga was supposed to be a three-parter, tying in to their other endeavors of stealing the Samovar of Genghis Khan and, er, trying to hatch a dinosaur. So the episode would normally end around here with the Trio recouping as the actual ending would be the third episode of the villains fleeing Batman in a dinosaur outfit.
Instead we cut to Gordon's Office, where he informs the Duo they've suddenly arrested the whole group.
Off-screen.
And not even by the Dynamic Trio.
O'Hara: "It's lucky you had me surround that building once more, Batman. Olga and Egghead ran right into the paddy wagon again."
RD: "I did not think that was the worst episode ever, but that was by far the worst ending ever."
Gordon: "I'm sure they won't find caviar on the menu at Gotham State Prison."
Batman: "Probably not, but they will get a well-balanced diet thanks to Warden Crichton's emphasis on proper nutrition."
Barbara again walks in, this time in a nice lime green dress, having seen a green-gold car with "what looked like whiskers on its front fenders".
Gordon: "Sounds like Catwoman's Kitty Car to me, Batman."
This is the first we've ever heard of Catwoman having her own vehicle.
Catwoman: "And if I'm not mistaken, that arch-criminal the Joker was a passenger."
RD: "Seriously? The ending of the show keeps getting worse."
Robin: "Holy here we go again, Batman."
Batman: "I'm afraid you're right, old chum. If Catwoman and Joker have joined forces, it sounds like there's trouble right here in Gotham City."
Narrator: "And how right he is! Trouble in a green fright wig! Trouble in a car with whiskers! More trouble than the Caped Crusaders have ever known! Coming up on our next episode!"
The Bros agree that with the split of the original three-parter, this standalone episode makes no sense. Or even any ending. It's especially a bad final episode for Egghead (and Olga).
Only 11 more episodes remain for the show, including three new one-off villains.
Santa is returning to the Arcade to challenge all the naughty children.
Halloween sure has some weird costumes.
- Special Guest Villain: Egghead [3] (Vincent Price) [3]
- Extra Special Guest Villainess: Olga, Queen of the Cossacks [2] (Anne Baxter) [3]
- Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. Off-screen arrest by the Undynamic Duo.
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