Episode 70: Holy Ottoman!: December 11, 2022

The Duo Is Slumming or Batman, Dark Knight of Gotham, Part 2
December 22, 1966
"The Puzzler continues with his plan to hijack Artemus Knab's new airplane, the Retsoor, all the while leaving puzzles behind for Batman and Robin to ponder. He familiarizes himself with the jet's designs, then prepares to fly his prize to a foreign country where he will hold it for ransom. But the Dynamic Duo have an easier time with his clues than he expected, resulting in a climactic confrontation at the airplane hanger."
55 minutes

RD Sez "By Gum It's Gum!" That's from Henry III I believe. (Act VI, Scene 6)

The title is more rhyming than creative. But it's not in iambic pentameter. 

Vince: "Bro, I gotta be honest with ya RD."
RD: "Let me write this down - you're being honest with me."
Vince compared the story to a recent showing of Raw, it was that interminable.

Vince can still remember when he was 13 years old and was gifted a stereo system at what he thought was the highest price in the world at $99.99. Young RD got a disk drive for his Atari computer to play pirated games alongside a color printer. Older RD had initial doubts when his wife found she was pregnant on Christmas Eve, but he went along with it until they later confirmed it. 

Sad News: Vince and his son had trouble assembling a newly bought arcade machine.

To further try and delay talking about the actual episode, RD also read up on Mr. Evans (:15). I forgot that he was also Dr. Zaius in Planet of the Apes. 

The Duo are still tied up in their "aerial balloon" at 19,000 feet. Batman gets the idea of using the chewing gum wrapper to cover the altimeter's air hole to keep the reading below 20,000.
Robin: "This'll teach that crook to be a litterbug. He should put trash in the proper waste container!" 

However they are still high above, and at that point it's a wonder at this high up they are unaffected by hypothermia and oxygen deprivation. And don't tell me it's the outfits protecting them, they're not Kryptonian! Nature must obey necessity, after all. (Julius Caesar, Act IV, Scene 3)

This is where Robin's bird calling comes in - a flock of red-breasted nuthatches are flying nearby, which he conveniently...does not yet know. "Holy Ottoman Batman!" is all he can say.
Batman: "The bird by its nature is a very hostile bird. If you can infuriate this bird, perhaps he'll attack the balloon."
They succeed in having one poke some holes into the balloon.
Batman: "Farewell feathered friend! Sorry to have disrupted your vacation!"
Of course the balloon starts to rapidly descend.
Batman: "It's the power of gravity, Robin. Not even the Puzzler could prevent that."
Fortunately they land right next to a phone booth as for some reason the theme of the Penguin's Submarine from the Movie plays.
Batman: "We can thank the taxpayers and Governor Stonefellow for this emergency public telephone."

Back at the lair Puzzler is happy for their jewelry haul, but they still need to get the Retsoor. To Rocket: "Now go be expressive to multi-billionaire Artemis Knab." He would have another goon do it if they were not a lady or busy making balloon animals.
The Duo crash through another window.
Puzzler: "But you're...you're dead! How puzzling."
He covers their escape by...dropping balloon animals on them. RD compares it to the drop they do in the Arcade on more able children. 

Rocket manages to make it during that to Knab's penthouse, and petitions him to make it into movies. (:25)
Knab: "I would say that you're a very well-rounded young lady. Ha. Ha. Ha. With considerable well-rounded talent."
She slips a sleeping pill into his oolong tea that knocks him out, allowing Puzzler to enter through his window and open the safe. He takes pictures on how to fly the plane and leaves a note for Batman on Knab's chest. 

The Dark Knight is currently in Gordon's Office wearing really large headphones as they open up another "gift" to reveal a rooster.
Gordon: "I've had some strange birds in my office at some time, but this is going too far!"
They determine Puzzler is to steal the plane later that night, so the Duo leave to wall climb to Knab's penthouse. 

As they climb Robin has a strange feeling "as if visions of sugar plums were dancing in my head." This summons Santa Claus through the window. You know, that old contemporary of Shakespeare? (:29) Even if it was shown (as it is now reviewed) in the December season, it feels more out of place than it normally should be out of place. It also doesn't help that this Santa looks rather...odd.
Santa: "Say, you tell me where the Batcave is, and I'll, I'll leave a little present in your stocking."
Batman (to the camera): "If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust? [To Santa] We can't tell you here, Mr. Claus, but we'll telephone you at the North Pole on the Batphone."
RD wonders how he can call different numbers with just one button on it.
Santa: "Good, good, I'll get to the Batcave if I have to slide down the Batpole instead of a chimney. Merry Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!"
Batman: "Merry Christmas Santa!"
Robin: "And say hello to the eight reindeer for us!" 

By the time they reach the penthouse Knab is awake and not happy to see them, not helped by Batman waving his hands around oddly like he is holding Yorick's skull in them.
Robin: "We told you, stupid, don't trust the Puzzler!"
They find Puzzler's note.
Batman: "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio Artemis/Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. That's a quote from -"
Knab: "I know. Hamlet." (Act I, Scene 5)
The note is blank but Batman detects "a slight odor of invisible writing" on it. Knab asks to go to the Batcave with him to analyze it, but he is politely denied. 

This is also the last we see or hear of Knab or any of his monopolies. My guess is that Batman just took all his properties on Bruce's behalf due to Knab's (involuntary) collaboration with a criminal. Or, to continue his analogy with Howard Hughes, he'd just trick him to stay in a private movie theater for the rest of his life instead of imprisoning him.

In the Batcave the revealed text only says "puzzles". Robin thinks it's for seven-league boots, seven seas, or seven veils, none of which actually feature in Shakespeare. Batman thinks it's a seven digit telephone number (without area code). RD wonders how they would incorporate the lack of Z on the dial-pad, which is what the Duo are also thinking. This leads them to 'zounds', at least. (At least the writers seem to spell it right.)

RD: "Have we mentioned this Puzzler kind of sucks?"

Puzzler has shifted his operations to a shed and his outfit to "the perfect Space Age garb" in order to fly an airplane. Then Batman calls.
Robin: "Holy miracles, Batman, you got his number on your first try!"
Puzzler: "Speak, knave!"
Batman figures his latest puzzle and they rush to the airplane hanger.

Puzzler has a "magic lantern show" waiting for them of a plane sideshow. To Rocket: "Create your usual diversion." Glider asks if they will sell the plane (for $4 million) to a foreign power.
Puzzler: "Have you taken leave of your senses Glider? I may be an arch-villain, but I am a one hundred percent naturalized American arch-villain!"

Of course the Duo already there awaiting the group and their fight, including many Irish whips. (:42) During it Robin gets inside a jet engine (which is not on).

Afterwards the Undynamic Duo arrive so late due to "traffic" Batman literally rolls his eyes at them. 'Tis the time’s plague when madmen lead the blind, indeed. (King Lear, Act IV, Scene 1)

Puzzler: "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Too many puzzles. Is that what did it, Batman?"
Batman: "One too many. Quantity finally exceeded quality, Puzzler. And all those quotes of Shakespeare didn't help either."
Puzzler: "My soul is full of discord and dismay."
Batman: "Hamlet."
Puzzler: "Act IV."
Batman: "Scene 1."
Puzzler: "Line 46."
Batman: "45."
Puzzler: "Egad, sir, you're right!" 

Vince is close in guessing Rocket's age by two years. (36) He also gives her 2 Batpoles for that. RD is a generous 5.5. Despite this, Barbara Stuart was a regular TV presence for over 50 years, most notably for Gomer Pyle.  

At Stately Wayne Manor Alfred blows up the remaining puzzle balloons on Aunt Harriet's behalf for "underprivileged children" for some reason.
Harriet: "They really are quite a novelty, aren't they?"
Bruce: "Verily, Aunt Harriet, quite a novelty. Well, all's well that -"
Alfred: "That ends well, sir?"

Thus exits the Puzzler, confusion's masterpiece. (Macbeth, Act II, Scene 3) Honestly he was pretty terrible. There may have been more amusement in finding where his lines were coming from rather than his plan or mannerisms, none of which made much sense. It's as if they wrote Jean-Luc Picard to the point where he was quoting his own Shakespeare everywhere beyond the occasional parts here and there, even when speechifying. (Or hawking Pontiacs.) 

Ultimately

It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

 Macbeth, Act V, Scene 5

 

• Special Guest Villain: The Puzzler (Maurice Evans)
  

• Brown Hornet Escapes: 1. I will wear my heart upon my sleeve/For [jack]daws to peck at. (Othello, Act I, Scene 1) 
• Window Celebrity: 1. Santa Claus
  

Episode 69: Holy Hamlet!: December 4, 2022

The Puzzles Are Coming or Batman, Dark Knight of Gotham, Part 1
December 21, 1966
"The Puzzler, a villain with a fondness for both Shakespeare and aviation, indicates he is after the fortunes of Artemus Knab. He convinces the billionaire to invest in his puzzle balloon business, but when the Dynamic Duo find that Knab seems too intelligent to fall for a phony scheme, they look deeper for the criminal's true intentions. Their search leads them to Knab's airplane monopoly, but unknown to them, the Puzzler has plans to halt their investigation - permanently."
48 minutes

RD: Not Practicing Bird Calls. He's not Bitey. He tries one anyway.

Vince thinks he found a villain worse than Mr. Minstrel Man. RD still thinks MMM was the worst, but our non Riddler villain is not far. It was originally supposed to be the Riddler anyway, but Gorshin had contract issues. Vince would rather get (super)kicked in the face.

Twister was first released on the original airdate.

To try and delay talking about the story (and who can blame him?), RD mentions that he nearly died at a Target on Black Friday. (:05) Some one wearing reindeer antlers was holding up the line looking at a National Geographic. In the parking lot he was almost hit by an idiot in car were it not for the wife pulling him out of the way. He did get a good deal on a TV (from elsewhere).

It's "another serene day in Gotham City" in the penthouse of the Gotham Arms. The Puzzler awaits wearing a crooked hat and a huge bow-tie. Among his crew also with him are Glider, Ramjet, the rotund Blimpy, and an old lady named Rocket, not to be confused with Marvel's own. The penthouse is not actually theirs, but belongs to a man named Artemus Knab, who is not yet present. 

Being a Puzzler, he of course frequently quotes from Shakespeare. Because when I think of puzzles I think of Early Modern English. That was in that one Hamlet soliloquy right?

The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of?

Also the penthouse is so high up they can see straight down into Gordon's Office in the Police HQ.

Puzzler: "This should startle the pillars of the law, the caterpillars of the Commonwealth/which I have sworn to weed and pluck away...a quotation from the Bard, young Rocket." (Richard II, Act II, Scene 3)

As expected Vince does not like Shakespeare. Neither did the show's producers who for some reason gave Puzzler Bookworm's theme. Perhaps because they are both literary fellows? 

Gordon is on the line with the Warden, talking about the prison having no more space, all thanks to the fine work of the Dynamic Duo the police. Before I can write a joke about that, a small drone-like plane drops a smoke bomb through the window. O'Hara rushes in thinking it a "child's prank" and the two just stare at it.
Gordon: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Chief O'Hara?"
O'Hara: "Aren't I always Commissioner?"
I initially thought it meant calling in the Duo, but they first guess it is the work of that villainous Puzzler, that scurvy companion (Henry IV Part 2, Act II, Scene 4). THEN they cry for help.
Gordon: "I know we've been working the Caped Crusader overtime lately, but I feel I'd be shirking my duty to the populous of Gotham City if I didn't call on his help in this dire crisis. " 

At Stately Wayne Manor Dick is...practicing bird calls. (:16)
Bruce: "Yes Dick! Your bird calls are close to perfect. If more people practice them, some day we might have a chance for a real communication with our feathered friends."
Dick: "In that case I think I'll polish up my Ruby Crown Kinglet, and my Rose-Breasted Yellow-Tailed Grosbeak calls."
Unfortunately before he has a chance to try out his Black-Throated Green Warbler, Alfred whispers the Batphone ringing.
Aunt Harriet: "They're always on the move."
Alfred: "Well, that's because they're young."

Back in the office, Batman: "Puzzler's maleficent methods are legendary, plus, the fact they're usually connected with an aviatic caper, along with his Shakespearean touches."
Robin: "Holy Hamlet!"

The bomb has a "backward puzzle": "I know a bank where the wild thyme blows" (A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act II, Scene 1). Batman spells 'bank' backwards to Knab, he of the penthouse, "one of the richest men in the world from his aviation monopoly". He declines Gordon's "assistance" as he wants to go by himself to personally "cross swords", like he is Romeo and Puzzler is Tybalt (and Robin is Juliet or something). 

Gordon: "Whoever they are beneath those masks they wear -"
O'Hara: "You've said that before, Commissioner."
Gordon: "And I'll say it to my dying day, Chief O'Hara! Gotham City owes the Dynamic Duo a debt which can never be repaid."
O'Hara: "Well, if this Artemus Knab is as rich as they say, maybe he can help a little?"

SPEAKING OF Knab, he and Puzzler are playing a game of actual Monopoly (though sadly it's not Batman or Stratford-Upon-Avon themed), when the Duo arrive through the window. 
Puzzler: "Now, by two-headed Janus/Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time: art thou not verily the Caped Crusaders?" (The Merchant of Venice, Act I, Scene 1)
Batman: "Yes Puzzler, I'm Batman."
Robin: "AND I'M ROBIN!"
Knab doesn't mind Puzzler's presence for a damned and luxurious mountain goat (Henry V, Act IV, Scene 4) since he has a good idea for making money: puzzle balloons, whatever the hell they are. Robin thinks otherwise.
Knab: "Young man, there's no easier buck to be made in this world than an honest buck."
Batman: "Sometimes Robin is inclined to be a bit impetuous."
Knab: "It should make an interesting addition to my airplane monopoly, not to mention my movie studio monopoly, my stock market monopoly, my ship building monopoly, and my various other lesser monopolies."
RD wonders what Bruce would be thinking on Knab being a literal billionaire with monopolies (perhaps on Boardwalk).
Puzzler hands Robin a balloon: "You're obviously not too old to play with balloons."
Robin: "I'm old enough to recognize a bunco artist!"
Knab reminds the Duo there is a perfectly fine door to use. 

Enter Batman and Robin in the Batcave. (:26)
Robin: "I just hate to see a reasonably successful multi-billionaire like Artemus Knab taken for a ride by that shady pseudo-Shakespearean swindler."
And he has such a February face! So full of frost, of storm, and cloudiness! (Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, Scene 4)
They use the Bat Air Jet on the balloon, which has another line on a hawk from a handsaw (Hamlet, Act II, Scene 2). They guess it has to do with Knab's christening of his new plane the Retsoor (or Rooster spelled backwards), which will take place at the Airport and could prove a good target for the Puzzler to hit.

Sure enough Puzzler and his retinue are at the christening with Knab in his "old jalopy". Rocket complains about not possibly networking with the rich and famous around to get into movies. The other goons wonder why they don't steal the plane as well as the peoples' valuables.

Puzzler: "Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens!"
Blimpy: ""Fat and greasy"?"
Puzzler: "A favorite line of mine from As You Like It, Blimpy. Translated it means, "get going!" (Act II, Scene 1)
The balloons they have brought with them contain, yes, gas. Sadly it is not colored, but it does paralyze or freeze everyone in place like they're trying to stand motionless on a theater stage.
Puzzler: "A little extra pocket money is never a bad thing. Don't leave anything on the table."
Rocket aims for the jewelry left laying around. Puzzler: "Frailty, thy name is woman!" (Hamlet, Act I, Scene 2)
They wait around for the Duo to appear so they too get gassed rather than preparing for an ambush. Their brains are as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage. (As You Like It, Act II, Scene 7)
Of course now that the two are at his mercy Puzzler...does a Hamlet and doesn't kill them straight away. No, he just...takes a picture of the plane's control panel. Then they just exit.

Return the Duo (whenever they unfreeze) to the Batcave to another balloon (rather than just having them do it at the Airport where it would make more thematic sense). The line in one of them leads their Batlogic to the lair of the Globe Balloon Factory, Shakespeare's famous theater.

The Duo are greeted at the factory by balloon animals. Ah, this mus be Puzzler's playing company then. (:34) Rocket is there looking even older than before, manually blowing up some of the balloons.

Rocket: "I'm sorry, Puzzler told me he's not seeing anyone today."
Batman: "At the risk of sounding conceited young lady, we're not just anyone!" 

So they just walk inside into a fight. Robin is thrown on his stomach where Blimpy is gyrating on top of him, like his wife's a hobby horse (The Winter's Tale, Act II, Scene 1). Batman responds with an Irish whip and Robin adds a hip attack, but Puzzler takes them out with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune a dart.  

The Duo are thus tied in a hot air balloon basket (which Vince or Mrs. Deal would never want to take a ride in) which will detach at 20,000 feet.
Robin: "I bet even Shakespeare doesn't have such words for such villainy!"
Ramjet offers chewing gum to relieve the ear pressure, but they decline it. He takes the piece for himself and throws the wrapper into the basket.
Robin: "LITTERBUG!"

RD re-tells winning a helicopter ride at 5 years old.

Puzzler: "This was the most unkindest cut of all! Farewell Dynamic Duo! Bon Voyage! Happy landings! Adieu! Adieu! Remember me!" (Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 2)

Actually, a more appropriate line would have been Good-night, sweet prince/And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! (Hamlet, Act V, Scene 2) But then the Duo would have fought over who was Hamlet and who was his surviving friend Horatio, paying no attention to how to get out of their conundrum and - huh. I'm putting more thought into this than our 'villain' ever did.

Narrator: "Horror of horrors! Is there no escape? That altimeter is rising fast! Is this the last hurrah for the Dynamic Duo? Can anything save them? We'll find out tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!" 

Neither Bro remembered to look up the work of Mr. Evans, but it's pretty obvious he had his Shakespearean background for his work. This included his then appearances on Betwitched (to also do Shakespeare).

• Special Guest Villain: The Puzzler (Maurice Evans)
  

• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Sad, Shakespeare, Christmasopoly