180 Drinking with the (Big Nippled) Stars: August 6, 2010

60 minutes

The "Celebrity" Roast has finally shipped to acclaim by many...but not the Midnight Rose, as RD forgot to credit his appearance. He fears for his life now. Next stop for WCR: TV! The two discuss numerous possibilities for spin-offs. Blade in particular is so drunk he's using the old headphones again.

:11 The worst match on TNA, Jenna Morasca vs. Sharmell, is inducted. RD's attempts to go to Cincinnati for some root beer is once more interrupted by Blade's fucking random ramblings that make the show three hours long and which almost serve to enrage RD yet again. He somehow gets through with a straight face. (They have Barq's in the place where I live but I always stick with the original - A&W.) Blade meanwhile went to a concert to try and have sex with half-naked 14 year olds.

:24 Molly Holly AKA Nora Greenwald is engaged to a former recovering drug addict whom she met while in her more responsible job these days drug counseling. She wants to have sex as soon as possible. RD wonders if she will hate it since she's never done it before. Regardless, this is Very Happy News for all save Blade Brakestown and all his missed opportunities. I mean, really. All the women he's met and failed to further connect with, those Big Announcements that he's always failed to big announce, his singing 'career', his team (although it's not his fault I admit), his occupation calling for a certain use of trash bags...I'd call him a modern day Job in the Biblical sense, if Job was a drunkard hobo co-hosting a long running Internet progrem. I'd rather call him a Job in the wrestling sense instead. Jobbing Jobber Job, perhaps? Someone get Vince Russo to create him for TNA and have him shoot all the time as some sort of meta-referencing to the wrestling business.

:32 Our old friend Shelly "BNV" Martinez wants to get on Dancing With The Stars, despite the fact that both show and lady have been as popular these days as BP. HOWEVER...this would be a definite license to print money for all involved. She'd be more of a star than around half the roster for the season, and would definitely move better than if they had, say, Joanie Laurer bumble around the floor in an 'attempt' to dance the quickstep. Plus you could have Tom Bergeron co-host RAW and do a heel turn on his show, perhaps calling it some sort of weak imitation of his old Hollywood Squares. It's a win-win!

:36 Question: Batman Plus Robin Equals The Conway (2) asks a rather sexual question, but instead of Popeye calling in Mike Check does instead. He can apparently do those nowadays due to him being...sexual with his fellow inmates. In the midst of his own jobbing he does remember his days in New Haven, Connecticut's WDOL "Dollar 99" co-hosting a business show with his then woman DJ called Bounce Check Money Matters. [I am SO writing a Sit-Com with that title. I can see it now....Bounce Check Money Matters: Starring Paul Heyman and Urkel: LICENCE....TO PRINT.....MONEY - Clarence] I bet you Jim Kramer was one of his disciples. 

:45 John Kelly's TNA 'reporting' is essentially repeating what the Co-Fruitcakes say. He doesn't even provide anything new! If you notice, RD says Hulk Hogan IS with us and Samoan Joe has been future endeavored and John just makes bad quips in response. That's not even news at all! He probably doesn't note down what he wants to mention on his trip between Florida and Kansas (his hands are full of holding his sunglasses), and thus the exhaustive journey between the two states makes him forget what he wants to say and just makes him subconsciously parrot the duo.

:49 In a further attempt to (fail at) salvage itself, TNA dedicated a full taping just to ECW. Sadly Francine was a no-show. RD would prefer watching Shawn Michaels and his wive on a hunting show. (:54)

Better lay 'em on us:
So Shawn went hunting.
He should have done that years ago.
Could have found his smile.

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