279 Take Me Home, Christmas Roads: December 17, 2018

...But Blade will still pass out under the Xmas tree anyway because he loves ya!
96 minutes

RD is very animated and fast moving due to the holiday season, and spends the first few minutes extolling the virtues of this here site you are currently on.

RD: "These people are great."

Blade thinks they have new listeners (somehow).

RD: "We used to be a good show."

The two are confused about episode recording dates.

Blade does not like the sick kids at Christmas. (:10) RD prepares to be 50 next month. Hopefully he will not get stricken with lung cancer and become a master bad breaker of crystal meth under the name of Faraday, while Blade continues to be his sidekick but has to say "bitch" every other sentence or so.

The Co-Christmas-Fruitcakes argue over age as just a number. Blade took a 869 mile ride in 2001 and rode his rental car to death.

RD: "It's not the years, it's the terrain."
Blade: "Dope."

(Perhaps that will be Blade Braxman's catchphrase instead of "bitch" in that above scenario.)

RD considers reselling WC shirts. Blade mistakenly thinks he will look attractive in them.

RD was once again in the Low Countries (the Netherlands) for work. Over there they celebrate Christmas as normal, but also an earlier time for Sinterklass, AKA Saint Nicholas (he of course being the original source of Santa Claus) on his Day on December 6th.

[Timeout real quick. Quite recently, there has been much debate over the political correctness of Zwarte Piet, or Black Pete, a character associated with Sinterklass though only first appearing in an 1850 book. He's supposedly a Spanish Moor who has a dirty face due to his chimney traversal like Santa.

So of course he is traditionally portrayed in blackface.

The whole affair is very tumultuous and more time consuming than a six hours long wrestling progrem, so feel free to look up the whole thing yourself.]

RD brought back with him Lidl Sinterklass chocolate lollies in his shape, which for some reason have a big hole as his belly button. Blade thinks that makes Sinterklass a child trafficker. RD: "You're not gonna miss Santa's hole." Blade feels like watching stuff that puts the XXX in Xmas. RD: "As is being discussed currently." Anyway, the treat seems "sweetened by fruit extract" which is unappealingly distracting.

Sad News: Bill Fralic, Wrestlemania II Battle Royale participant and figure atop the WC Fantasy Football League trophy, is no longer with us. (:23) RD wants to immortalize him as a sole parade float.

Debbie Reynolds singing about Tammy makes Blade laugh, making him remember how it was once a "gift" of his to RD. (:30) She wants to defer her retirement to next year, which is sure to cause no trouble at all. She was recently asking on social media for "an autographed Jose Canseco jersey" and flailing in argument when others poked fun at her for it. RD does his Tammy impression after Blade turns the offer down. She refers to a Filofax, and RD is amazed that she too makes obscure references.

Tammy is also apparently four pounds away from her Hall Of Fame weight and wants to return to selling sensual photos of herself while still active. Blade finds it amusing that Reby Sky will be her photographer, remembering that they once publicly feuded over Sid Vicious, of all people. Not surprisingly, RD is done with her in her current state.

Mike Check: "RJ, do you have love in your heart?" (:41)

He once worked in 70's Tuscaloosa as Jammin' Jack Jones on WLIQ "The Big Lick". He delivered to a target demographic of truckers while his CB Radio was on. (Blade asks him about a "Ho lotta lizard" because of course he does. ... Don't look that up.) Together with Slick Willy Daniels they did The Jack Daniels Overnight Drive (probably sponsored by Johnnie Walker).

He then plays a rather odd tune even by my standards and that's saying a lot: 8 year old John Denver begging his father not to become a sleepy alcoholic on Christmas. Thank God he's a Country Boy though and he didn't go through the same situation as an adult. No, he instead once went on a chainsaw rampage inside his home and almost strangled his wife. Totally different! I'm fully expecting to find out that Annie's Song was playing throughout his Jack Torrance impression.

Regardless, Blade remembers again some advertisement back in '95 for The John Denver Collection on vinyl. Sad News: his mother did not listen to his request to give him a copy. Sadder News: he was 20 years old at the time.

Steven Breech asks how best to use Santa Claus in wrestling. (:52) RD and I of course remember Xanta Claus. Blade has Santa Heenan angering Piper in PSA format. Blade wishes Santa Piper would have feuded with John Denver's dad.

Blade promises he will look into the Unsolved Mystery of Unsolved Mysteries. (:56) Like Tammy he also defers his Big Announcement for a year.

RD shares his favorite Christmas memory of late. He had bought a Santa suit 20 years back that he could finally use at Rupert's Arcade. There Santa could be challenged at a game for a chance to win a prize. One girl in particular met him normally, then was seen playing nicely at the machines. This was a change from the other naughty children who trash talked poor Santa. Blade thinks he should have been tougher. RD replies that if so nobody would have won a prize.

Blade's favorite Christmas memory is of his Mickie James under mistletoe. He remembers being unable to get her Stocking as a funk sock.

RD: "I like it when you think of non-wrestling you think of our show."

For some reason Blade remembers that time Jim was singing for his "Christmas album" so the two call him up for a chance at more songs. (:70) He's busy with a "child" at the moment, but before an alarmed RD can call the authorities on him he reveals he's also multitasking as Santa because nobody else is around to do it. RD does his Mike Check impression of him asking children about food. "Go Bah Humbug!" Jim replies.

Needless to say they fail to ask him one single thing about his album, and the segment falls apart from there (assuming it wasn't intending to anyway).

Vince McMahon is to appear again on Raw in an attempt to right its horrible ratings. Who would have thought that unopposed with no real competition and a crazy and out of touch old man running things for over 15 years that things will ultimately become this stale and awful? (:74) Blade does his random Iron Mike Tyson impression by thinking that WWE is nowadays a circus, a thought that I too share. I really should write something more on that someday.

He did appear on Raw in what one site deemed a Big Announcement.

No, really.

Said Big Announcement? He, Stephanie, Shane, and Hunter will make more appearances.

No, really.

Because that was what everyone was asking for right? More of the same old same old?

No? It isn't?

At this point they should just make it official and change the name to Impact or Thunder. (Lightning?)

I also guess Linda was too busy pretending to work in the current administration (speaking of circuses) to attend and be a 5th. Perhaps when things are going REALLY well with this current arrangement.


At this point maybe they SHOULD cancel the show and replace it with RD and Blade making meth in an old RV in the Midwest forests or something. For one thing it would at least be better written.

  • Jordan Mishkin had sent RD NFL Pro '90 trading cards, a 1977 "Pro Wrestling Sports Review" about apartment wrestling (to forward to Blade), something called "Al Japino" potato chips (already opened but taste alright), Wrestlemania III trading cards, and a WWF Wrestling Trivia game. He asks Blade questions like a Co-Hosss audition. He gets 5 out of 6 correct.
  • I had sent the both of them a record of Phil Collins' No Jacket Required, which in all sincerity I believe is underrated. Mike Check had played them Don't Lose My Number in his first live remote appearance.
  • RD had sent Blade a Barry Sanders Christmas Keepsake Ornament.
  • Blade had sent RD a Tammy "gift card" in the form of a $30 Western Union money order for her photos. I'm sure his wife would approve. RD: "That's the worst gift ever."

Here you go, Seventeen Syllables:
Vince McMahon is back.
He's 73 years old.
His shtick feels older.

$31.00 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right
Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)


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  • SPEAKING OFs: 1. Timely as today’s headlines
  • Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
  • Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Jim
  • Blade Time Outs:  1
  • RD Time Outs: 1
  • Blade Burps: 2
  • Robotic Reindeer Laughs: 1
  • WrestleCrap Gongs:  2
  • Question of the Week from: Steven Breech
    • Best use of Santa Claus in wrestling? RD: Xanta Claus. Blade: Bobby Heenan.
  • WrestleCrap 3 Count:  Top 3 Christmas Memories.
    • RD:  Dress up as Santa at Rupert’s Arcade
    • Blade:  N/A
  • Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: An unwanted Christmas re-gifting:
    Vince McMahon is back.
    He’s 73 years old.
    His shtick feels older.

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