The Cat and the Fiddle
September 15, 1966
"Catwoman disguises herself as a wealthy recluse - Minerva Matthews - to
exchange a quarter million dollars for two Stradivarius violins. Once
the instruments are safely in her hands, the villain reveals her true
identity and demands the cash back. But Catwoman is surprised to learn
that her business partner - Zubin Zucchini - is also not who he appears
to be."
62 minutes
"RD is Not Zubin Zucchini" but he has trouble with his cheap Reds cap, which is about as well fitting as their current season performance.
Vince has confusion with remembering the episode they are supposed to discuss.
The Narrator wrongly reminds us that "Aunt Harriett swings to the latest dance: the Catwalk!" RD thinks one of the producers was attracted to her and wanted her dancing around, and perhaps not wearing bras. Vince tries looking up photos of Madge Blake and is confused by a picture of her far younger self. RD tells him of Wikipedia declaring him dead three times.
Mrs. Deal found the magnifying glass trap her second favorite behind the giant coffee cups. (:11) Batman's "calculus" reminds him that the solar eclipse will be in 16 minutes, so he tells Robin to move the glass a few degrees to take advantage of "the azimuthal equidistance post-position of the sun's rays". RD spent an hour trying to find the definition. They wonder how the writers got this one. My guess is they spent too much time watching Star Trek and wanted to make their own technobabble. RD also wonders if Robin can move it with his feet why he doesn't just kick the whole thing over and away from them. But it works regardless and they get out of their bindings.
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always manage to escape the vicious ensnarements of our underhanded opponents? Don't you know why?"
Robin: "Because we're smarter than they are?"
Batman: "I prefer to believe it's because our hearts are pure."
In the Batcave Batman wonders if Catwoman's mention of Mount Gotham is part of her plans. Robin: "Holy Alps! I'd better brush up on my geography!" It's actually the 102-story Gotham State Building, which is so tall it's promptly never heard from again in the franchise.
Parking nearby Batman needs to put his five cents in the parking meter.
Robin: "No policeman is going to give the Batmobile a ticket!"
Batman: "No matter, Robin - this money goes to our building better roads. We all must do our part. Good citizenship, you know."
Robin: "Holy taxation!"
Unfortunately this leaves no time for the Dark Knight to accept one of the staff's offer of soft drinks. He has to rush to the penthouse that is recently rented by "eccentric millionaire Zubin Zucchini". Vince thinks they're making fun of his Italian heritage. Feel free to make your own joke on Vince Russo and offending national heritages here. (:21)
The goons are already there seeing Zucchini leave and let their boss know to "proceed with plan A". This involves Catwoman using clearly marked theatrical makeup to become Kitayna Ireyna Tatanya Kerenska Alisoff Minerva Matthews (after she requisite gasses the original woman). Vince does not know the meaning of the word 'recluse'. RD: "Kinda like the shut-ins that watch this show."
Wearing Matthew's old woman clothes Catwoman goes to the arrived armored truck, and seeing the driver is played by a young James Brolin (which RD didn't catch) she randomly checks her breasts. She reveals her plan to buy two violins from Zucchini. In turn Brolin reveals his name is "Ralph Staphylococcus. My friend calls me Ralph." I'm now saddened that he didn't further play One Friend Ralph in the DC-verse, ideally with son Josh as Thanos Jonah Hex. That would have saved the movie for sure.
On the drive she is all over Ralph and feeling him until a goon calls on her walkie-talkie that the Duo have escaped. She covers to a confused Ralph that she is playing cops and robbers with her nephew.
Ralph: "He's got a mighty deep voice for an 11 year old."
Catwoman: "He matured early."
RD is sad they made Newmar look as she did, even if disguised as an older woman. "Even she can't carry that look."
Zucchini arrives first at the building with two violin cases which RD wonders may instead contain Tommy guns. Catwoman arrives second with a bag of money with "$500,000" and "Christmas Club Money" written on it. She feels up Ralph one last time for luck, tipping him $1,000 for his trouble. Arriving at the penthouse she then meows loudly in telling her goons to wait on the ledge.
Batman returns to the building with the Undynamic Duo (Gordon and O'Hara) to learn that "a sweet little old lady" has come in. Batman: "We'll see how sweet she is." (:30) Zucchini is to sell two Stradivarius violins to Minerva for the aforementioned $500,000, and the penthouse is apparently the only place in the city to safely inspect them. This is despite the actual fact that high altitudes may damage musical instruments, regardless of quality or age.
O'Hara: "Look! Up there! Are they birds?"
Gordon: "Are they planes?"
Batman: "No, they're cat-burglars!"
RD wonders how he was able to see 1,020 feet up without Detective Mode being invented yet. He learned that supposedly allegedly people can see each other on flat unobstructed planes at three miles (16,000 feet) so it could be a small possibility. Vince gives him applause.
Catwoman also disabled the elevators by pulling a clearly marked lever.
Batman: "She's put the elevators out of commission, Commissioner!"
O'Hara: "I, I'll take me men and we'll run up the 102 flights of stairs."
Batman: "I don't have time for that!"
He plans to Batgrapple his way on the side of the building use the super-powered Batjets on the elevator, reminding RD of Willy Wonka's Great Glass Elevator.
As Catwoman inspects the tune of the violins Zucchini counts the money and finds he's $1,000 short. This gives her the excuse to throw off her disguise - but so does Zucchini, as he was Robin all along! "Maybe you can bully an aging mogul, but not me, Catwoman!" (:35)
The goons appear with O'Shea, infuriating Robin: "A person like you could give a bad name to gossip columnists!" O'Shea counters by producing a getaway rocket. They then go back and forth with Robin instead of just trying to throw him out the window (again), taking so much time that Batman can show up. "Unhand that boy, and be quick about it! Or I'll know the reason why!" So they throw him to Batman instead. RD wishes they had trained in throwing as part of their curriculum.
Robin: "You can't get away from Batman that easy!"
Batman: "Easily."
Robin: "Easily."
Batman: "Good grammar is essential, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you, Batman."
Batman: "You're welcome."
Cue fight, although somehow O'Shea gets an upper hand and almost throws them out, while Catwoman sits in the rocket trying to start it up. Wrote RD: "For her part she just keeps writhing on the cylindrical, one may also say phallic, rocket." Mrs Deal: "She was just trying to get it to go." RD: "She sure was."
Being sexually exhausted she tries to escape on foot through the window. "I'd rather die than get caught." Then she almost falls, dropping violins and money. "On second thought, maybe I wouldn't." So the Duo have to Batrope her to safety. The violins were obviously fake, but the money wasn't. This is assuming they could catch it all at the bottom instead of having the bag break open and making it rain.
As they try to pull her up O'Shea somehow knocks Batman out of the window, and he grabs onto Catwoman with an "oops." Robin dispatches O'Shea and has to pull the two up by his young self.
Catwoman: "How can I ever combat you again after all you've done for me?"
Batman: "Let's hope it never comes to that, Catwoman, because, in the end, veracity and rectitude always triumph."
Catwoman: "Batman, are you spoken for?"
Batman: "Hmmm?"
Catwoman: "Married, engaged or going steady?"
Batman: "My crime-fighting leaves me little time for social engagements."
Catwoman: "Boy, have I got a girl for you."
Vince wonders if she is just working him. RD thinks the chemistry is real with the aid of One Friend Ralph and her rocket ride. That probably requires a separate episode of discussion all on its own (and the recent movie).
At Gordon's office another villain is in handcuffs. (:44) Batman gives his farewell "for ten to twenty years...seven and a half years" for good behavior. She appreciates his giving testimony against her at the trial for some reason. RD gives her seven and a half weeks. Catwoman: "I'll be an old tabby by then!" Batman reassures her she will still have someone even then. She then goes and rubs herself against a random guard with a meow, causing Robin to do an eye roll.
Robin: "I wonder if we've seen the end of her."
Batman: "I wouldn't hazard a guess, Robin."
Gordon: "Why, Batman, are you blushing?"
Batman: "It's the...heat of the day, Commissioner. Unseasonably warm, don't you think?"
I'm surprised he didn't blame that eclipse.
The Bros thought the episode was fine, old woman disguise notwithstanding. Vince thought the overall story was average.
Vince finds James Brolin's (supposed) current net worth to be $50 million. RD believes it grew from Catwoman's generosity.
RD has found Catwoman's main flaw in Batpole judging; her teeth. (:49) He still gives her a 9.5 though. Vince has yet to see it in close-up but he gives her 10 without the teeth.
Vince loved the Batman casino game, alongside the pinball machine, the Kiss pinball machine (which doesn't work in the Arcade), and Pac-Man.
RD sent him a picture of some of his son's giant Lego set-pieces. RD reveals he vaguely wants to be an engineer but right now he just wants to be a kid, which is a good way of thinking.
- Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [3] (Julie Newmar) [2]
- SPEAKING OFs: 2. Rabbit hole, Foolish worlds
- Screen Captures: 2. Vince, RD
- (Soon To Be) Window Celebrity: 1. James Brolin
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