Episode 49: Holy Batburgers!: July 17, 2022

The Clock King's Crazy Crimes
October 12, 1966
"After a robbery aided by a rigged timepiece, Batman and Robin deduce the Clock King must be in Gotham City. Disguised as a pop art expert, the villain brings his latest masterpiece to the Parkhurst Gallery. But everyone is surprised when the sculpture turns out to be more than just a piece of art, and the Clock King makes off with a valuable time-related painting. Batman and Robin follow a clue to the villain's hideout, unaware that a trap awaits them."
70 minutes

According to Vince and his applause soundbite "this handsome young man" is "The Greek word for RD is "RD"". 

He also forgot to make their conversation private so fuck it, we'll do it live. He doesn't want to make this a regular thing as it would take away from subscriptions. He could go on a full streaming service like Twitch and do streams for paid subscribers only if he wanted (and he can figure out how to do so without having to make fun of his colleague Jeff Lane). One of the viewers is Taeler Hendrix, who also has her own show on Channel Attitude. Vince could totally see her as Poison Ivy. 

At Harry Hummert's jewelry store, Harry and a customer are mesmerized by an antique clock on display instead of for sale. (:08) The clock has a small camera inside it for Clock King, with his lady Millie Second, to watch and relay to his goons the "all wound up" Second Hands. RD incites Vince by intentionally saying her name wrong. Vince responds by having viewer Kevin Schiller of Georgia run in. Now let's see if he makes him WCW world champion.

The clock goes off at the wrong time, then gasses the two occupants (with a third) as they come to check on it. The goons thus take the opportunity to rob the place.

In Gordon's office, he hardly wastes any time and admits "we're in over our heads." Vince wonders if Matt Morgan is among the peanut gallery. 

Alfred does another exasperated eye roll as he answers the phone while Bruce and Dick play boring regular 2D chess. Vince was unsure if Aunt Harriet was wearing a bra this time but guessed yes: "we're not the ones not wearing the bra." She apologizes for not being too attentive and Bruce just pats her on the shoulder in acceptance. He then ignores Alfred as Dick has put him in check, so he shouts "BATPHONE!!!" while Aunt Harriet is within earshot. For once the two will not immediately go to police HQ as they "can't waste time", and the episode immediately cuts to King's lair.

There King surveys all his stolen loot and (also for once) compliments his goons for their work while Millie is all over him and his colored eyebrows.  RD finds she closely resembles Katy Perry. Vince wonders if she's a time traveler. One viewer thinks she looks like (blonde) Elizabeth Montgomery and Jenny McCarthy for some reason. Vince points out viewer Ivana Tinkle's nose. (:31) He gives Millie 8.5 Batpoles for her strength and confidence. Another viewer gives her 8.6.

Anyway all the clocks go off at once, deafening the goons as King revels in their sound.

Smash cut to the Duo investigating the jewelry store. Harry has little knowledge on the clock.

Smash cut to the lair as King consults his "crimetable" which of course includes Bruce Wayne. He threatens Batman and the "Boy Blunder - hahaha!" by slamming down an hour hand on his desk. 

Cut to the Parkhurst Gallery preparing for their first pop art exhibition as Batman learns that one particular clock was brought in by a Mr. Chronos. Robin: "The Greek word for time!" Cue Mr. Parkhurst's amazement as if they found out a mystery of life. Batman: "You haven't been trained in deduction like we have."

A TV crew is already there reporting on the art, preferring the classical over the popular. Enter a disguised King himself disgusted over an "inferior!" parody of Dali's The Persistence of Memory with the Duo drawn in it (a Batparody?). Knowing his antics, commercialism, and spotlight hogging, I would not be surprised if he himself painted that just because for the show (even if uncredited). He probably didn't appear on the show itself because Batman would arrest him on the spot for saying that he was drugs. 

Anyway King calls himself Progress Pigment, and he is here to submit some random assortment of items named Time Out of Joint as a diversion while it cuts a hole in the wall. 

(Also Jeff Lane cut Vince's live feed for the time being for some reason.)

Meanwhile the Duo check the Dunbar Diner Drive-In to be gawked at by an old couple gushing all over Robin, as they follow a lead of King's earlier woman Thelma Timepiece. A former co-worker waiter tells them she moved back to the Midwest (a reference to Payton Place) before she gushes all over Batman.

Robin: "I am a little hungry."
Batman: "Of course, Robin. Even crimefighters must eat. And especially you, you're a growing boy and you need your nutrition."

Robin goes for his order but is intercepted by the waiter who offers him to try out their newest meal: the Batburger. "Trouble stealing your appetite? Arrest it with our new Batburger." A touched Batman orders two with two double glasses of orangeade. 

As they eat in the Batmobile they watch the news of King and his piece. (:50) Batman wishes for a closer look and somehow the news crew there is able to oblige him. Batman still wants to make sure it is in fact King. (After all, Clark Kent has his obscuring glasses.) So they get the Bat Photo Scope to print out a photo, so Batman can use a blue colored pencil from a compartment next to the Bat Super Rocket switch. Sure enough, his expert drawing removes all doubt from his mind (about his artistic skills). Robin: "Holy masquerade!" 

King lets loose a "supersonic" smoke detector sound from his machine to knock out everyone as he makes a hole to his storeroom of items. They exit with their items just as the Duo pull up.
Batman: "Four against two. I'd say the odds are in our favor Robin!"
Cue a weak fight where the participants knock down the art more than each other. King triggers the Counterattack Activator from his dropped watch to ensnare the Duo in slinkies "coils of time" so that they can escape.

The Duo use the Bat Chemical Analyzer in the Batcave on the watch to lead them through technobabble to Tick Tock Synthetic Rubies Incorporated. From the Batcave! Vince has Kevin pop on to say hello.

As the Duo do their climb Sammy Davis Jr. pops out of the window. (:57) He invites them to join his rehearsal ("Hey, you guys come and catch my act some time! I dig yours!") but sadly they are too busy. Batman: "Our pursuit of justice allows us few diversions." Oddly he does not then suggest sending an invitation to assumed patron of the arts Bruce Wayne.

Inside the Duo then fall pray to King's trapdoor of clock oil and then get gassed, and end up in a slowly filling giant hourglass.
Batman: "You grinning devil!"
King: "Some people kill time. But this time, time is going to kill you!"

Narrator: "Is this the zero hour for the Dynamic Duo? Are the sands of time really running out for Batman and Robin? At long last have they met a gritty, granulated, inglorious fate? Tune in tomorrow! Same bat-time! Same bat-channel!" 

2013's Batman '66 comic would give King the real name of Morris Tetch, brother of Jervis "Mad Hatter" Tetch. Vince guesses correctly on this based on their eyebrows. 

RD has to make sure from Vince that he didn't actually tell Goldberg to try and break through a car window with his bare fist and seriously injure himself. (:64) He did the right thing and spent that night by his hospital bedside.

  • Special Guest Villain: The Clock King (Walter Slezak)

  • Screen Captures: 4. RD, RD, RD, RD
  • Window Celebrity: 1. Sammy Davis Jr.

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