The Joker's Hard Times (Not featuring Dusty Rhodes)
January 12, 1967
"The Joker continues his zodiac theme as the Dynamic Duo pursues him."
57 minutes
RD Doesn't Like Clams. Watching gave Vince nightmares, including Romero's yellow teeth in high def. They agree that the show is far different than when it started and even during the current season.
Mrs. Deal and Jr gave RD a memorable Batman card.
Robin: "Holy mashed potatoes!"
Batman manages to get one hand loose, and declares his intent to utilize a three second window and throw a Batarang to deflect the falling meteorite.
Thus cut to the Office, where the Undynamic Duo do their job of worrying about Batman. (:10)
Gordon: "We'll call Batman."
Joker (again in the Office): "For that, you'll need a medium. I'm sorry to report that the Tenacious Twosome have been trapped, tied and terminated!"
RD: "Is that how you order hash browns at Waffle House?"
For Joker's next crime of Libra, he shows out the window that he plans to steal a "statue of justice" worth half a million.
O'Hara: "Why, have you no scruples, you jesting jackanapes?"
Joker: "Scruples? The cash value of scruples is zero! No, I prefer Carrara marble. As for Justice, she shall be served with a hook. At the precise moment the Dynamic Duo become the Mashed Marauders!"
He stuns them with his baton wand and flees as his goons just take the statue with a forklift. The Bros question putting an unsecured statue without further protection in front of the police like that.
Regardless, cut to the Duo making good their escape.
Robin: "We would've been tomato paste. Instead, Joker's going to be canned!"
Cut back to Joker dancing for joy before sitting in a police car and wearing a cap. This immediately fools the other police officers who run right past him. He is also on the channel telling random street addresses as the Batmobile dials into the police transmitter. Of course nobody recognizes his voice either. At least it gives a patented Bat-turn and a Blue Van for their Parachute Pickup Service.
Finally Batman has enough of his fill and tells everyone on the band. Robin guesses the next crime will be for Scorpio.
Joker: "You're right, Boy Prunehead! At this moment, the brightest star in my criminal constellation is about to make off with Scorpio, the scorpion. Be stinging you, Batman!"
Robin guesses he is referring to Venus again.
Batman: "We mustn't judge her too harshly, Robin. Even with the best intentions, it's hard to change a lifetime of habit."
They also guess he will hit the same jewelry shop for the Durand Golden Scorpion.
Venus appears at the shop as secret agent Brindle in an odd red wig. (:22) She declares a fake - of herself, not the item, and sprays the jeweler with liquid cement before she flees.
Jeweler (as the Duo arrive): "Dynamic Duo. Where were you when I needed you?"
For that disrespect they cut a block around his feet instead of freeing him from his shoes.
The next sign is Sagittarius, the Archer (but not that one). Batman thinks it refers to "Basil Bowman, wealthy friend of millionaire Bruce Wayne. No doubt the Joker intends to steal him."
Joker achieves this by just going up to Bowman's front door and asking the man himself to come in to capture him.
Bowman: "Do you dare, knowing the Dynamic Duo will be dogging your trail?"
Joker: "Those fleas? Bah! Wrap him up, boys!"
Suddenly the Duo appear from hiding just as Vince's father is calling. (He leaves the call for later.) Wrote RD: 'Venus orgasms on the spot.' Vince thinks she was trying to inflate her bust size while in her red dress.
In response to her emotion, Joker pulls a knife and puts it to her throat. Let's hope he doesn't pull out a pencil next.
Joker: "Oh, Batman won't endanger a girl, now, will you, Batman? Tripped up by your own ethics!"
Batman: "He who trips last, trips hardest."
Joker: "My final prediction for the day: I'm going to get clean away. And you, traitoress, will pay!"
He throws her into Batman's arms, much to her excitement. She admits her shame at her former crime as the Batman love theme plays in the background. (:32) The Bros want to get the music for Valentine's Day.
Venus: "If only I'd met you when I was younger."
Batman: "A crooked path can often be straightened, Venus."
Robin is left trying to wake up the unconscious jeweler so he can only offer an eye roll.
She takes the middle seat in the Batmobile as she leads them to a record store where Leo is being held, leading to a record store fight. RD enjoyed when they used instruments as weapons and the wrong instrument played per hit.
Leo is found by the victorious Duo in a bathroom being subjected to loud rock and roll. "After spending a day in there listening to that music to drill teeth by. I gave him the ransom he demanded. And he didn't even cut that thing off!"
He then starts singing loudly, so Batman has to shout loudly in response. Leo paid his $100,000 ransom...by check. The Duo rush off to Gotham Central to track it.
The Undynamic Duo appear wanting to arrest Venus, but she disarms them with a ridiculously exaggerated 'aw shucks' that makes O'Hara remove his cap. The remaining three signs (Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces) are tropical fish displayed in a park fountain. Vince thought Venus looked like a Whoville resident.
Also Vince liked Jim Carrey's Grinch.
Two visitors remark on the fish on display with hopefully correct scientific names and are appalled they share the space with goldfish. Vince is taken aback by the Duo's appearance, less by their sudden timing and more by Batman's cowl suddenly looking black and purple.
Joker appears in his ladder truck and attacks the Duo with (holy) red snappers as he claims the fish. "The fishnapping of the century. Careful you don't get caught by a red herring, Batman!"
The Batmobile gives chase. The other goons kidnap Venus, then start shooting at their pursuers. The Duo have to take a detour away from the gunfire.
The Joker and goons then have the advantage to hide in their warehouse lair, waiting the Duo to finally enter.
Robin: "Something's fishy here, Batman."
Joker: "Beautiful, Boy Beanhead! I couldn't have made a better pun myself!"
They throw a giant net on them. "Oh! It looks like Dynamicus Duos, a rare breed of caped fish." He adds his "little pigeon" Venus with them for this "three-course meal."
And so the three are subject to a huge giant clam that Vince hopes is still kept in storage somewhere.
Joker: "I couldn't possibly deprive that poor, hungry clam of its dinner. That would be cruelty to animals, yes."
Robin: "Very touching."
Batman: "Oh, Boy Wonder, what a succulent hors d'oeuvre you should make! And as for you, my ex-felonious friend, let this be a lesson to you once and for all, that honesty does not pay. "
Batman: "Don't lose hope, Venus. A clam is only a bivalve mollusk."
And then Robin is devoured by a giant clam.
Narrator: "Are our eyes deceiving us? Has the giant clam really swallowed Robin? With beautiful Venus next on his monstrous menu? Leaving the Joker free to confuse, confound and control Gotham City? Find out next week! Same time! Same channel!"
RD thinks every show should have had a cliffhanger. He would at least show this story and this episode for newcomers.
RD wrote about Vince's first ever television appearance.
- Special Guest Villain: The Joker [6] (Cesar Romero) [6]
- Extra Special Guest Villain: The Penguin [7] (Burgess Meredith) [7] (not appearing on this episode)
- Blue Van: 1
- SPEAKING OFs: 2. Lazy, shocking
- Vince Time Outs: 1
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