Batman Displays His Knowledge
February 23, 1967
"Catwoman goes ahead with her scheme to steal several Batagonian Cat's
Eye opals, but she has trouble finding someone to fence them since such
rare stones would be easily spotted. With little recourse left, she
decides to turn them in for the reward money. It seems like the perfect
job for her acquaintance, Freddy the Fence. But when he notices that the
gems are fakes, Catwoman realizes she has been tricked by Batman and
vows to get revenge on the Caped Crusader once and for all."
68 minutes
RD: Julie Please Don't Go! Perhaps he should go on strike for that. He thought this episode was one of the best ever, fitting for Newmar's swan song (for 50 years anyway). He wishes to rate her at the end. Actually he doesn't, but there wouldn't be any point since she would easily go beyond the maximum 10 Batpoles.
Narrator: "When last we saw the Dynamic Duo, they were bound hand and foot in an outsized coffee cup, and about to be scalded and scarred by sulfuric acid, in full view of an unwitting throng in Chimes Square. Hold onto your beanies! They may not get out of this one!"
Robin politely says his goodbye, but Batman tells him to stick to the side. Some of the acid may fall onto their bindings instead of their bodies.
Robin: "There's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip, Batman."
Batman: "Very good, Robin."
Robin: "Thank you, Batman."
Vince's father kept telling him never to count his chickens before they hatched.
Sure enough some acid hits Batman's ropes, and freed he throws a Batarang to the switch to release them. He then frees Robin with his Batknife. To make things more equal for his enemy he cuts upside down with the blunt edge.
Robin: "The way we get into these scrapes, and get out of them, it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations. Guiding our destiny."
Batman: "Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life."
Anyway they have "those poor misguided students" down below to corral, all 10,000 of them, in black and white for some reason. "Our first duty is to save them. To disperse them before they do something that might blight their lives."
For some reason Vince wondered how the Duo would have handled things on January 6. For some reason I see whoever has to write a story about it involve Bane in some manner.
Narrator: "Meanwhile, in a building across town, the annual sale of priceless Batagonian cat's-eyes opals is about to begin at the Forever Jewel Company." (:10)
For some reason the opals are auctioned (at a starting bid of $650,000) inside a bag that no one can inspect. Catwoman, who is present "in the fur", bids nothing, and the auctioneer needs a moment to recognize who she is.
Catwoman: "Now, if you'll all assume positions of subservience, we can complete this caper with a minimum of jeopardy and danger for all."
She orders Penn to take their "baubles", a word Vince considers getting a tattoo of.
In the Batcave Gordon informs Batman of the theft over the Batphone.
Robin: "Holy bijou!"
Batman: "That's very good, Robin. Bijou, french for jewel."
Robin (flattered): "Heh. Thank you, Batman."
This was part of the Caped Crusader's plan though, since these opals are knownfor their bad luck.
Robin: "You, of all people, don't believe in superstition, do you?"
Batman: "Me? Superstitious? Nonsense - Ah!" Suddenly pulls Robin away from a ladder. "Never walk under a ladder, Robin."
Robin: "Batman, I'm surprised at you."
Batman: "Not at all. There is a custom based on fact. The ladder could fall and hit you on the head. Or someone could slip and fall from the ladder. It doesn't pay to court disaster, Robin."
Carefully avoiding any black cats or breakable mirrors, we cut to French Freddy's Fencing Academy. Catwoman meets with Monsieur Freddy Touché while he drains spaghetti through his fencing mask. The Bros can tell it's an in-joke in the production.
Freddy is also a fencer in the goods sense, so Catwoman shows him a "triple soupçon" of the opals - which he declines: "Every gendarme in Gotham City is looking for these. It would be impossible to get rid of. Everyone knows that the Batagonian cat's-eye opals are bad luck for anyone who steals them."
Catwoman gives him time to reconsider, even giving her address. The Bros make the obvious joke of it being Newmar's adddress.
Captain Courageous is still in Gordon's Office where he apologizes to the Duo for selling them Tribbles trying to arrest Batman. Gordon goes to call Bruce to update him on the theft. Coincidentally Batman has to go call on the Batphone in the corner.
RD was discussing future shows to discuss with the family. Junior offered all 30 seasons of The Simpsons.
Rather than inform Gordon that Bruce is unavailable on account of being a millionaire businessman, Batman calls Alfred to use the Bat-Syllable Device that reads out typed in words as the world's earliest Text-To-Speech program.
Gordon (to Batman): "It's eerie, Batman. Every time I talk to Mr. Wayne, I get the feeling I'm talking to you. For a while I thought you and he were the same person. But here you are and I've just spoken with him on the phone. I guess that dissolves any tentative theory I may have harbored."
O'Hara: "Sure and it does. Bruce Wayne is a millionaire playboy. Hardly a secret identity for Batman."
Checking through the "Well-Known Criminals File" directs to the Duo to Freddy, so they leave.
Courageous: "I'd heard about them out in California, Commissioner Gordon. But the idea of crime fighters in such fantastic costumes seemed too incredible to believe. We never had anything like that in Hollywood."
Gordon: "No one will ever see the likes of them again. For some reason, they chose Gotham City to be the recipient of their derring-do, and I, for one, bless the day they arrived on the scene. Long may they live."
Back at Freddy's, the proprietor thinks they came for lessons.
Robin: "Holy Zorro! Don't you know Batman is the best fencer in the country?"
Against Batman's accusations of his other fencing, Freddy flourishes his sword, causing Robin's head to bob around in following it. Batman then thoroughly defeats him.
Freddy: "I do not accept stolen merchandise anymore. Now I am only interested in body-building. You know, in building bodies."
Robin: "Can't you see he's stalling, Batman?"
Batman: "A man is innocent until proven guilty, Robin. That's provided for in our Constitution. I'll accept your explanation for the nonce. However, if we find that you've been prevaricating, it will not go well for you. ... Au revoir."
RD reminds Vince not to use the word 'nonce' nowadays because it's more used to refer to pedophiles.
In the lair Catwoman continues to find a suitable customer. "Drat, drat, double drat." Freddy appears to tell her of Batman's nosiness. "Triple drat."
He suggests just turning them in for the reward ($3 million), even if it is smaller and Freddy gets a cut. Catwoman begrudgingly agrees...only for Freddy to see that the opals are in fact fakes. "These are imitation zircons that have been dipped in cherry frosting. And a poor grade of cherry frosting at that."
Catwoman: "Batman did it! That dirty, rotten guy! I'll get him if it's the second-to-last thing I do!"
Back at the Office the auctioneer is also there as the occupants thank Batman for figuring out the plot, swapping the jewels for the fakes, and offering a reward. Sure enough a goon immediately shows up with a message from Catwoman: Batman is to meet her alone at midnight in a model house at the "Sherlock Holmes Real Estate Development in Suburban, Norchester".
Batman: "You can tell your mistress that I will agree to her terms."
Robin reminds him of her duplicity all the time they've fought. "Hope springs eternal," he replies in hope.
Vince finds the characters more defined and easier to follow than most of current wrestling (i.e. WWE).
So he enters the ring model home (:39) and Catwoman descends stairs in her most seductive look yet.
Batman: "You're a rare lady, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "I'm rare in more ways than that. I thought that, well, you know...perhaps we might get to know each other a little better."
Batman: "I would think that we know each other well enough by now."
Catwoman: "Don't run away, Batman. I won't bite."
The Love Theme then starts loudly playing.
Batman: "You're very beautiful, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Yes. You're quite right. I am."
Batman: "Your propinquity could make a man forget himself."
Catwoman: "I don't know what that means but it sure sounds nice."
Batman: "I refer to the nearness of you."
Catwoman (bending over): "Batman...let's throw caution to the winds. I mean, after all, we are two adult human beings, and we're both interested in the same thing: happiness. I can give you more happiness than anyone in the world."
Batman: "How do you propose to do that?"
Catwoman: "By being your partner in life. I mean, it's me and you against the world."
Batman: "What about Robin?"
Catwoman: "Well, I'll have him killed. Painlessly. Well, he is a bit of a bore with his "holy-this" and "holy-that."
During all this Vince couldn't help but notice West's very prominent Batboner. He wishes there was some scene with the two together in bed while he still has his cowl on.
Then Vince has to go answer the door for some lost elderly people off camera.
Despite this (Catwoman's seduction, not people ringing the door), Batman suspected she would try to poison him with the fatal scent of Eau de Chat, so he had been wearing Batplugs (in his nose): "you're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive."
Catwoman: "Ha! Put up your gloves, Batman. I'm gonna practice the art of cat-rate on you!"
Batman: "Your mistake. Cat-rate, as you call it, correctly pronounced "karate," is a defensive form. Therefore, in order for you to make a move, I must move, and I won't."
So she has to call her goons in.
Batman: "The odds are about right. Four against one."
Robin (bursting in): "Four against two, Batman! I couldn't resist. You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing."
Batman: "Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders often times come gems."
Vince wondered what would have happened if it was Robin who was seduced instead.
Cue a short fight with Victor Paul being thrown all over the place. Even West and Ward are there, taking any advantage to impress Newmar. Catwoman runs for her Catillac but can't find the keys, so Batman corners her by jumping into the back seat.
Batman: "Going my way?"
Catwoman: "I wish I were, Batman. But we're fated to travel in different directions. You on the straight and narrow and me on the crooked and wide."
Batman: "Catwoman, it would be so easy for you to tread the path of righteousness."
Catwoman: "I'm afraid not, Batman. I need what every woman needs. The love of a good man."
Vince found some words from Newmar after West's passing, describing him positively including as "the Cary Grant of television" among other platitudes, and how they had such great chemistry and ease in their roles. Vince gives her applause for that.
He also found a piece on women being topless on the nearby mountains. I don't think those two are related.
Vince also finds as recently as March that 89 year old Newmar still lives and cares for her 42 year old son with Downs Syndrome and deafness (John Jewell Smith, an artist). He reads more about her strong love for her "miracle" son throughout her life. Vince also gives her applause for that.
In Warden Crichton's Office at Gotham Castle Prison, Bruce is there to see Catwoman off.
Bruce: "I'm sorry it had to end this way, Catwoman."
Catwoman: "Not half as sorry as I am, Mr. Wayne."
Crichton: "Catwoman, you have destroyed my faith in my modern penological practices."
Catwoman: "Don't judge all criminals by me, Warden Crichton. There are a lot of cons that you have rehabilitated by your methods. I'm the exception, not the rule."
Bruce: "Catwoman's correct. This is a model prison. [Emphasis mine.] Be proud of your work, Warden."
Catwoman: "It's too bad we couldn't get to be better friends, Mr. Wayne. A good parole officer should also be a friend."
Bruce: "I'd like to be your friend."
Catwoman: "There's no room for another man in my life, Mr. Wayne. You're nice...but my heart belongs to Batman. ... Goodbye."
And so does Julie Newmar depart from the world of Batman.
Both agree this was one of the best episodes ever even with the bittersweet departure. Vince is sad there was nothing publicly romantic between the Bat and the Cat in all that time.
RD found an unaired 10 minute-ish pilot of Batgirl.
Scott Keith wrote about Cheatum.
Vince watched an old tape where Kane chokeslammed the Phoenix Suns Gorilla over his head.
- Special Guest Villain: Catwoman [7] (Julie Newmar) [6]
- Window Celebrity: 1. Stanley Adams
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