King Tut's Coup
March 8, 1967
"After a blow to the head, Yale's Egyptology professor once again
believes he is King Tut. He mistakes Bruce Wayne's friend Lisa for Queen
Cleopatra, and kidnaps her so he can bring her to Egypt as his bride.
Batman and Robin soon locate Tut's hideout, thanks to a hidden tracking
device. But soon after entering, they are captured by Tut's cronies, and
Batman is submerged in a sarcophagus under five feet of water."
60 minutes
RD: TALENTED PANTOMIMIST. He takes a sip from a non WWE Niagara Falls Cup. Vince got a Kevin Nash style haircut so he can wear a cap.
SPEAKING OF Kevin Nash, Vince was recently reminded of his protege (and RD's rival) Jeremy Borash, now currently HHH's deputy, so he messaged him something. There was no response. So he went on about it on another show. Another website wrote about it. The next day Jeremy messages Vince on his recently changed number, something RD immediately guessed a few minutes earlier.
RD: "A little career advice from me, your old buddy RD Reynolds: if you're working with a company and they're so serious that you're not allowed to have a hoedown or a hootenanny, there's better places out there." (:11)
Narrator: "The start of a new semester at ivy covered Yale University, and the portly professor of Egyptology outlines his plans."
Said professor is outlining a field trip to Gotham City "if you're really interested in Egyptology and not just two football players hoping this will be a snap course." So they ask back if he was in fact King Tut.
Professor: "Yes, it's true. I suffer from a unique combination of amnesia and identity transference. It only happens when I suffer cranial concussion, however. Thus, as you can see I have protected myself with this hard hat."
He takes it off just as someone throws potted plants on him and the two students, and now Tut also has his two goons for the story.
Vince wishes for more stories and wrestling angles where a concussion from a dropped object turns people into King Tut.
We immediately cut to the three breaking into the GC Museum to steal a sarcophagus and knock out its one guard.
Gordon: "In times like these, there's only one man who can help us solve the problem: Bruce Wayne."
O'Hara: "Bruce Wayne? Not Batman?"
Gordon: "There's an Egyptian costume ball at the Gotham City Hotel tonight. Bruce Wayne is clhairman. Perhaps he knows something we don't."
At Stately Wayne Manor the inhabitants are all dressed in togas, though Aunt Harriet also wears a bra. (:17) Bruce is excited to see someone named Lisa as Cleopatra. Alfred announces a phone call in the study from Gordon...for Bruce.
Bruce (in private): "Alfred, I'm shocked at your breach of secrecy."
Alfred: "No need to be, sir. The commissioner's call was for Bruce Wayne, not Batman. But a feeling inside me suggested that you should take it in here."
Of course he says this while the (non Bat)phone is off the hook, but of course Gordon is a gentleman and/or an idiot for not listening in on them.
Gordon asks him why someone would rob a sarcophagus from 1300 BC.
Bruce: "1300 BC was the era in which King Tut trod the land. ... My suggestion would be to call Batman immediately."
O'Hara: "Well, I guess millionaires aren't so dumb after all."
Gordon: "Otherwise they never would have become millionaires."
I'm glad these two versions don't know about Twitter then. ... Though probably knowing them they probably willingly bought those Blue subscriptions.
So Gordon immediately calls Batman and does not pick up how similar he sounds to Bruce.
Bruce: "I know. King Tut is back in Gotham City. We'll be right there." (He hangs up)
Gordon (not picking up how similar Batman sounds to Bruce, to the camera): "Absolutely incredible. You'd think the man could read my mind."
The Duo run To The Batpoles with one hand holding up their robes.
Vince is now paying close attention to Batman's erect status.
In the Office Robin still does not understand why Tut doesn't stay in Yale. (:23)
Batman: "Don't forget, Robin, when the professor metamorphosizes (O'Hara looks puzzled), changes into King Tut, he forgets his true identity."
Gordon then receives a call that "Fouad Sphinx, the talented Middle Eastern pantomimist, has just been found in his swank suite at the Oasis Hotel" gravely injured by Tut. The Duo leave to check on him.
Tut's lair is the Pyramid Club, "a shattered roadhouse in an underdeveloped suburb" when it's not a matte painting with a Closed sign. Tut leaves his sarcophagus to be greeted by his moll Neila ("Hi, Tut baby. What's shaking?" Tut: "Batman's head, unless I miss my guess!") and his student goons, now his Jester and Chancellor. Now he needs his queen. Unfortunately it is not Neila, who is played by Grace Lee Whitney, better known as Yeoman Janice Rand of the USS Enterprise.
Tut: "The lovely Lisa Carson, daughter of wealthy socialite Johnny John E Carson, will appear at the Egyptian Ball tonight as Cleopatra. Her escort will be millionaire Bruce Wayne as Julius Caesar. Tonight he'll lose his queen to me, the king! Oh, pulchritudinous!"
Neila: "And where does that leave me?"
Tut: "You could always be a lady in waiting."
Meanwhile the Duo Batclimb up the Oasis (of course the suite is a penthouse) where they meet Aileen Mehle, known under the pen name of Suzy Knickerbocker, a well known society columnist.
Aileen: "I go where the action is, Batman. The Caribbean, the Riviera, the Greek Islands. Wherever there's glamor, that's where I am."
Robin: "I'm afraid you'll find it pretty quiet here, then."
Aileen: "Oh, I don't know, Boy Wonder. I hear millionaire Bruce Wayne is really one of the hippies. All that marvelous money and fantastic Wayne Manor."
Batman: "STATELY Wayne Manor."
Aileen: "Batman, I think that's a darling little costume you're wearing. Where did you get it, in London or Rome?"
Batman: "No, I believe in patronizing local craftsmen."
Robin: "There's a guy who makes great capes and cowls right here in Gotham City."
Vince: "Who were his other customers?"
RD: "The villains, I think."
Aileen: " I think you two belong in my column. I'll slip you in somewhere between Acapulco and Princess Grace."
Robin: "Holy jet set!"
Batman: "Imagine us in Suzy Knickerbocker's column, Batman. An unlikely spot for two mundane crime fighters."
Aileen (as they ascend): "I wonder who they really are. Probably a couple of international playboys. I mean, who else would climb walls?"
The police are still there, making one wonder why the Duo needed to Batclimb when they could have used stairs or an elevator. I'm sure Batman would make some excuse on how Robin needed the exercise.
Sphinx is secured in a noose for some reason and he has to ask an officer to help him out. "King Tut is a very muscular fellow," he states for some reason. He also left a note "in an ancient tongue, circa 1300 BC." To the Batcave!
Batman reads the translation while suddenly having stubble: "I, the great King Tut have returned to Gotham City to wreak revenge on Batman and his accursed companion."
Robin: "Hey, that's me!"
Batman: "And next in importance, to claim my own."
He calls Gordon to tell him he may strike at the Ball.
Gordon: "I want seven of your best men at the ball tonight in Egyptian raiment."
O'Hara: "Gotham City's finest dressed up like a bunch of heathens? May the saints preserve us."
Do they even have seven competent people for the job?
Back at the lair Tut tells his goons he wants the Duo present at the Ball. Since Mayor Linseed is away on his regular trips to the "Asian front", he's sent a replica of his robe and mask to his Deputy Mayor Zorty (and himself referring to Los Angeles Mayor Sam Yorty). "Tonight he will be I!"
Sure enough at the Ball the police in Egyptian garments, white socks, and black shoes, arrest Zorty as Tut, despite his protests. This is witnessed by the (Stately Wayne) Manor Household (in togas) and Cleopatra Lisa, played by...Lee Meriwether, previously the Movie Catwoman. Vince thought the Movie came after this season, not before. (:38)
Of course the police are incompetently more than happy to take Zorty directly to the Office without verifying who he is including at the Ball, appalling their even more incompetent Chief to no end. "If it's who I think it is, and I think it is, I'll be back pounding the beat, and so will you, commissioner."
Zorty: "Go back there, men. On the double. This time get the right king...or you, O'Hara, and all the rest of you will be back pounding a beat again."
The real Tut is already at the Ball, his eyes all over Lisa, much to the concern of the Duo.
Harriet: "Do you boys know that man?"
The goons are also there, and ask Bruce to ask Lisa to dance with their boss next to other supposed police officers (who would be far more competent than the real ones). Bruce...does so, confusing the Co-Bros.
Lisa: "It's an honor to dance with you, Your Majesty."
Tut: "I know it is. Not every young girl gets a chance to wrap her arms around the king. OHHHHH!"
They leave just as Bruce realizes he's been had. He did put a tracker in Lisa's outfit though...somewhere. You'll just have to take his word on it. He notifies Gordon - but tells him not to help, knowing how well they did earlier.
At the lair Lisa tries to explain she is not actually Cleopatra. "I live right here in Gotham City on the fashionable lower east part of the Upper West Side. Who are you, anyway?"
Tut: "Who am I? Tut! Master of thieves, king of the Nile, moon god of Thoth. And that's just on Mama's side of the family. ... I wonder how a little stay in the royal dungeon would affect you. Strange how that clammy enclosure can have a warming effect on people."
He has his goons take her away despite their preference for her wealthy father to pay her ransom instead.
Cut to outside. The Duo have followed the tracker, and Batman will Batclimb (instead of using the Batmelter) while Robin stays on the ground.
Cut back inside. Tut has to remind his goons the woman is not for sale. He should probably do it through jotted down football plays. Rejected, the goons push open a door - and Robin standing behind it. This cues some very obviously dubbed lines as they prepare to tie him up.
Tut: "Stop! Wait a minute! If the Caped Crumb is here, the Cowled Creep can't be far behind."
He's right, and a fight starts with much hide-and-seek and the Duo tripping a goon by pulling a rug. But the "very muscular" concussed Yale professor slams a vase onto the Duo's heads, immediately turning them into the Bizarro Duo knocking them out.
Tut: "Now what shall we do with our mortal enemies who shan't be mortal much longer?"
Robin is thus tied up while Batman is put into the sarcophagus over a pool of water, as Tut does his most heinous crime of all: a speech.
"Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Batman. It isn't that I love you any less, Batman. Simply that I love me more.
Bubble, bubble, little bat, at the bottom of the vat. / Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly...to the great big belfry in the sky."
Narrator: "It appears a death worse than fate! Batman has been in sticky situations before, but never like this! And what of Robin, who's fit to be tied? Is this Batman's Waterloo? Tune in tomorrow! Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!...At your own risk!"
Neither Bro remembers this story much for some reason, and wonder if it was something in syndication.
The Arcade will have another King of Arcade competition on July 8, the top prize most likely a Stargate machine.
RD enjoys playing more modern games with Junior, who's already finished Tears of the Kingdom. Senior is not a big fan of open world sandbox games. He prefers older fare like Pac Man that could only go up to Level 256.
One of RD's followed YouTube channels did a video "dissecting" No Holds Barred. Speaking of rather bad ventures of wrestling into the mainstream: Warrior with Regis & Kathie Lee.
- Special Guest Villain: King Tut [3] (Victor Buono) [3]
- Extra Special Guest Non-Villainess: Lee Meriwether [2] as Lisa
- SPEAKING OFs: 1. Lisas
- Window Celebrity: 2. Aileen "Suzy Knickerbocker" Mehle, Grace Lee Whitney
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