Caught in the Spider's Den
March 16, 1967
"The Black Widow adjusts her cerebrum short-circuiting device to
successfully alter Batman's brain. With Batman powerless to resist, and
Robin captured, she disguises herself as the Boy Wonder and brings along
a dummy Batman to rob another bank. Commissioner Gordon initially
believes Batman is setting a trap for the villainess. But when word
comes of the successful robbery, the commissioner puts out an all-points
bulletin to bring in the Caped Crusaders dead or alive."
69 minutes
RD: Agrees Milk is Delicious. Is there ever any doubt? Vince compliments his friend's intellect compared to his own in wearing a Rebel Alliance cap and "totally comprehending everything that's going on". Vince cannot even follow a Harry Potter movie.
The two agree this episode was somewhat better than the previous one.
Vince thinks RD sometimes uses words like "tangentially" to confuse and educate him.
Narrator: "When last we saw the Caped Crusaders, they were trapped in Black Widow's giant cobweb about to be bitten by two deadly Black Widow spiders. Are the heroes headed for that great Batcave in the sky? In scant seconds, the answer will be yours."
Unfortunately the spiders look even worse. RD considers it a harbinger for next season.
Robin: "Batman, he's almost on me!"
Batman: "He is a she, Robin. Only the female of the species is venomous. ... And mine is almost upon me also!"
Of course Batman manages to break free, pulling from his utility belt a 5000V "mini-charge" for his ward. He tells Robin to brace himself, despite electrical pain usually being at 25000V. But the resulting light show looked better than anything WCW or TNA could make, but not the Exploding Barbed Wire Deathmatch. RD hopes it appears in the upcoming AEW game.
Remembering Widow's words about using a tunnel ("that's how most crooks get into vaults"), the Duo follow it to the actual lair (:18) to find the villains counting their money.
Batman: "You didn't count on us, did you, you sophisticated but evil woman?"
Widow: "As a matter of fact, no. But how fiendishly clever of you. And how handsome you are, Bat-doll."
Batman: "You needn't try to short circuit our brains, Black Widow. We're still wearing our anti-short circuit Bat-brain electrodes."
Robin (whispering): "Batman, I've lost one of my electrodes."
Batman (whispering): "Bad luck, old chum, but perhaps I can pull off a bluff."
She calls them on it, trying a second attempt...having reversed the polarity. Robin is of course fine, but Batman is not, standing there frenetically blinking.
Robin: "You, she-devil! Have you short circuited Batman's brain? I will not submit to your treachery!"
Widow (to mind-controlled Batman): "Masked Muscles, you go back through the tunnel into my main web and have a little drink to the latest development."
Batman: "Could we take Robin along too?"
Widow: "But of course. No Robin, no Dynamic Duo. N'est-ce pas?"
RD is sure this was referenced in Burton's Batman. He also enjoyed the recent Flash movie which also had Keaton Batman.
Batman knocks Robin out and helps to carry him further inside the lair, and you can tell he did a good job because Ward can be easily seen giggling.
Widow: "Well, Bat-doll, perhaps you would like some champagne?"
Batman: "I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?" (:27)
She asks Trap Door (in his trap door) for a quart of whole milk, and Batman is so excited he rubs his hands together in anticipation.
After Widow stomachs a swallow of milk, she asks Batman to find more banks to hit in the Batcave. He doesn't need to go back, since he carries in his utility belt a "remote control Batcomputer oscillator." He activates it just as Alfred is by the Batcomputer to notice it working.
Widow finds a target ("the just opened Heritage First National Bank") but the information also states ""Seen with Black Widow. Batman's life in great danger?""
Widow: "Oh, it really seems as if your criminal career is over even before it starts. But I am certainly not going to risk your life."
She asks Batman for a spare suit that they will put on mannequin grandpa above ground while she will dress up as Robin, much to RD's confusion. She then asks Batman to call the branch manager through her WebPhone.
Meanwhile in Gordon's Office, the Undynamic Duo are happy there have been no recent robberies since Widow has been dealt with.
RD: "Where did they think that Batman was keeping Black Widow? In the Batcave where they throw the deceased women?"
The Duo are called by the branch manager in question (Irving Irving). He tells them that Batman is to take $40,000 in a brown paper bag "at exactly 11:43 this morning" to split with Widow. Of course Gordon thinks this is just Batman at work.
Cut to a nearby street, with the Batmobile being driven by Batrobot and Robin Widow, she driving from the passenger side with her own bad ADR (since it is in fact just Ward in makeup).
A call comes in to Gordon's...but from a regular non-Bat phone. His hearing about the robbery by 'Batman and Robin' causes such a sad look on his face.
O'Hara: "Saints preserve us!"
Gordon: "Yes, indeed, saints preserve us if the Caped Crusaders have gone crooked."
O'Hara: "Which apparently they have."
Gordon: "Chief O'Hara, I want an APB to all units for the arrest of Batman. Hopefully alive, but we'll take him the other way if we have to." (Emphasis mine)
APB: "Attention all units. Be on alert for Batman. First name unknown. Caucasian. Height: 6'2, wearing purple trunks, purple cape, purple cowl, and a black bat insignia on his chest. He has a masked accomplice whose alias is Robin. Approach with caution. They may be armed."
A police officer quickly finds the Batmobile and approaches gun drawn. He is met with even more bad ADR by Robin Widow: "think Batman is afraid of you, copper? Go on and shoot. I dare you."
Officer: "What's happened to you, Boy Wonder? Even your voice has turned snarly."
Widow: "None of your business, flatfoot! Now, go ahead and shoot, because you'll never take us alive!"
The Batmobile drives off at 2 MPH, as the officer fires and hits at point blank. "I couldn't have missed at such close range. I've killed Batman!"
Of course the real Batman is not actually a zombie getaway driver, and is still at the lair playing cards by himself. (:38) Despite this the goons still want him to cheat.
Batman: "I certainly don't wish to be rude, but normally the game of solitaire requires only one player.
Why don't you two kibitzers go outside and wait for Black Widow?"
They do...leaving behind Robin who manages to untie himself and obtains the short-circuit device and polarity reverses it again. Nice job, schmucks.
Before using the device though Robin asks Batman to sing. He responds with...I'm Called Little Buttercup from HMS Pinafore, including the theatrical movements. RD thought it was amazing. Vince: TREMENDOUS!!! He was even there in person for Scott Steiner Math and thought this little spectacle was better.
Sadly Robin has to zap his old chum and bring him back to normal.
Batman: "Of course I knew what I was doing, but with my cerebrum short circuited I couldn't stop myself."
He plans to pretend he's still compromised and Robin still captive.
Vince compares Batman's dodging apologizing to Dixie Carter doing the same thing. Even McMahon would apologize. This probably explains why one promoter is still in business with a bad hair dye job and the other is playing with her action figures and/or rewatching The 40 Year Old Virgin since her company is no longer in business (sugah).
In the Office the Undynamic Duo hear of Batman's "death" without any literal body of proof. They decide to call Robin who's "most likely in the Batcave" to confirm. Of course Alfred picks up instead.
Gordon: "One of our officers was forced to shoot Batman. And the Boy Wonder has become one of Gotham City's ten most wanted men. Boys."
Alfred is confused: earlier Batman earlier remote controlled his Batcomputer from "411 Larva Drive". The policemen think they've found their lair and prepare to mobilize their men to arrive late.
The Bros think Hamilton and Repp were the ones most prone to cause trouble on set, and ask for any Batbloopers.
At said lair, Widow returns with her haul. "I was adorable as baby Boy Wonder."
Batman: "Robin's pretty good as a Boy Wonder too."
Robin: "You bet I am, Batman!"
This immediately leads to a fight. The goons again try to flee while carrying Robin for some reason while West makes some questionable faces. One of the speech bubbles is a WRONK! reminding RD of AJ Styles facing a "Wronk Stink" on TNA. The Duo trip the goons with a literal rug pull and then zap Widow. Does that make her a White Wife? (I'm not a scientist.)
Gordon (entering): "Batman! Oh, it's really you!"
Batman: "In cape and cowl, Commissioner. Why?"
Gordon: "I'll explain later, but thank heaven!"
Widow is of course pleased to see O'Hara and go to jail with him. "My heart says no but my brain says yes."
Batman: "I feel it's my responsibility to tell you that you have the constitutional right to consult with our attorney before answering any questions."
Widow: "But I want to answer his questions. (To O'Hara) Sweetheart, I cannot tell you how much you remind me of my dear departed Max."
RD questions the legality of their actions.
At the jail the villains are put under the Brainwave Bat-Analyzer hairdryer.
Widow: "If it really looks good, I'd love to have you come over every day and give me a wash and set."
O'Hara (to Batman): "With all the crime that you and Robin should be out fighting, how do you find time to come here and fix Black Widow's coiffeur?"
Batman: "What we're doing is decriminalizing them. It may take months of treatment, but we feel it's worth a try. If we can permanently short circuit the bad streaks in them, we will make honest useful citizens out of those spidery crooks."
RD: "There is NO WAY. There is no way, no how, this was in any way, shape, or form, legal."
Vince reminds him who the Warden is.
Anyway Widow also wants some wine for her stay. "Divine, darling."
The Bros agree the episode was better than the last one at the very least.
Vince: "Are we rating Tallulah Bankhead?" He gives her 8 Batpoles for being what he considers Hollywood royalty. RD reminds him her credit has a 'Miss'. He gives her a "generous" 0.
Sadly this was her final role, passing away a year later from pneumonia at the too young age of 66.
RD found another "Batvertisement" for British Leyland's Austin Metro from 1987. Vince considers it borderline sacrilege. (:55)
The Arcade now has an Addams Family pinball machine, which "sold more than 20,000 units, making it the best-selling pinball game of all time." Its quality was so good that nobody bought replacements, which didn't help when the pinball market later crashed. (:57)
RD desperately wants to find footage of Nailz against Barry "Repo Man" Darsow at a 1997 WCW house show.
- Special Guest Villain: Black Widow (Not the competition's) ((Miss) Tallulah Bankhead)
- SPEAKING OFs: 2. Dangerous and stuff, very timely
- Screen Shares: 2. Vince, RD
- Entertain The People: 1
