252 Summer's RDeve: September 10, 2015

#252: The one where RD eats p..."Cats"

78 minutes

Matt Hardy boxing Evander Holyfield made Blade morbidly think back on when he used to watch boxing in the dark days of the 90s when about half the wrestlers had boxing gimmicks. RD remembers when Michael Buffer was in WCW mispronouncing names.

As this is the third episode (so far) Blade thinks the listeners will get laid without having to purchase a Global Internet URL. (:06)

RD does his Drag Queen Football Fan impersonation for some reason.

RD & Blade discuss their annual WC Football League and how good their drafts were. (:08) To give an idea of things and since I'm in the League as well (as the Pingkins led by their mascot, the fighting Blue Badger!), the League autodrafted for me (since I completely forgot the draft time), then gave me the best draft grade for my 'trouble'.

WWCR is now also on Stitcher. Somewhere anyway. I'm too lazy to download the application for it.

While my ludicrous speed ad copy is good for a laugh or two I did at the last second send a bit of a slower one to the duo for them to judge upon which version they prefer. (:13) Sadly the newer version confuses Blade even more. (To be fair, when has he not been confused?) RD has some fun with us by mixing things up so I guess that's yet another victory. I'm feeling lucky too. And I didn't even have to get laid through Global Internet for it!

That does give me an idea though. ROTATIONAL ad copy from my end - every progrem I say something different in an attempt to get Blade to laugh. Like I'm a stand up comedian or something professional like that.

:19 RD went back to the Netherlands for his work and brought back some snacks with him. Knabbels taste like generic salty snacks/Funyuns. Naturel Cats are not made from cats as illustrated (that would be Frosties), but they don't really taste good either. (You sure it's not ACTUAL cat food?) While there a coworker thought he was over half a century (of summers) old.

RD missed Force Friday, but it was no big deal as that thing was more of a bust than the prequels (Too late?!?!?!). (:31) Blade is inspired to do a Consensual Saturday and sell some of his old junk rather than give it away in response to Question Of The Weeks. He did see a Victoria as Leia shirt though. His attempts to be cleaner surprise RD (and even me to some extent).

Dwayne Johnson amazes RD by relegating himself to Obscure Wrestling News. (:38) He also amazes by rescuing his drowning puppy. The Duo think he was at a nudist colony. Also they're fully clothed. Remember the early days when Blade had no pants? 

Tammy's in the 'news' again. RD: "From one female dog to another!" (:44) Sad News: she's been blocked from her FB account for some reason. Sadder News: her fish's eyeball is acting up. Saddest News: she wants to do voyeurism full time. Worst News: RD wonders if she could sponsor their show, preferably at the end after the outro after everyone has left and no one is listening.

:53 As I suspected over five years ago, (and because literally one Listener asked about him) Patrick Stewart comes back from the "dead" to pester Blade with DRA. MATIC. ACT-ING. Isn't that Shatner's thing though? He makes Blade laugh with ad copy for the Austin Aries Acadian. Then he leaves. Now.

Wait, does that mean he did his duties reporting on TNA news?

Ed "Han" Salo returns with a Question. (5) (:58) Should Young MC change his old song's lyrics referring to Jimmy Snuka? His prize is some bad word replacement.

Blade's Big Announcement is that he's delayed his Big Announcement. But of course. (:62) He once worked with (Hungry Hungry) Ken Patera's daughter. That's not the Big Announcement.

John Laurinitis is engaged to the Bella Twins' mother, making him the hopeful father in law to Daniel Bryan and his old 'nemesis' John Cena. True story: you know a guy has charisma when my spell checker wants to correct his name to Laryngitis.

Iron Mark surprises RD making him cough. Then Blade laughs and ruins the mood. RD: "He blew away like a balloon". (:67)

Hillbilly Jim last main-evented a PPV 27 years ago.

Sting has yet to win a match in WWE.

A Seventeen Syllable Story Perhaps:
Sting vs. Rollins.
Will Sting's match beat oh and six-
teen Lions' record?



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, TheIntestinalFortitude.com, InnerRickRude.com
• URLs not taken: 6. WhatshappeningtoGreg.com, FumigatingBladeBraxton.com, NudistColonyWithDanSpivey.com, fullyclothedpodcast.com, PoorMatilda.com, smashittogetherintoverysmallamountofdigestablesyllablare.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 3. Ways to clean yourself, couple things we will neglect, Sting
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 3. Premier Blah, Stewart Patrick, “Iron” Mark Tyson
  

 

• RD Time Outs: 2 (2 Wait a Minute)
• Blade Time Outs:  7 (2 Real Quick)
• Blade Burps:  1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  1
• Weird Al Laughs:  2
• Krankor Laughs:  2
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  2
• Cricket Chirps:  1
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
   

 

• Question of the Week from: Ed "Han" Salo (5)
  
• Since the WWE is removing all references to Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka from the network, I wonder if Young MC will have to change the lyrics of his 1990 hit song “I Come Off”?  The lyrics are I’m coming off just like the clothes on a hooker and I can fly like Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka.  Certainly the WWE would ask this legend of rap to remove that lyric, but who would replace him in that line? RD: Booker T. Blade: Uhhh.

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Sting the lovable loser jobber?
  Sting vs. Rollins.
  Will Sting's match beat oh and six-
  teen Lions' record?
  

WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 14: More Than Words (Ambreigns AU)

More Than Words (Ambreigns AU)
As narrated by Sir Alec Heineken

Roman Reigns's favorite day of the week was Thursday.

It was a good business day for Java Central because the little coffeehouse featured an open mic night the first and third Thursday of each month, gaining the cozy shop great business from enthusiastic hipsters and aspiring musicians on top of the multitude of college students the establishment tended to on a daily basis. He loved open mic night. Some of the performances were painful to endure, and others weren't too shabby. But one specific performer-slash-customer always managed to snag his attention during his two or three minutes on the makeshift stage, perched on a barstool, acoustic guitar slung over his shoulder. Roman didn't even know why. Something about him was just so…so…he couldn't even find the right word to describe it. Beautiful is the one he'd choose if it didn't sound so lame. Make him sound so pathetic.

But Roman liked him. Loved concentrating on the reticent soloist and his simple yet dexterous musical abilities.

Roman had a textbook open underneath the counter as he dragged a damp washcloth over the tile surface, trying to study and clean up before the evening post-work/post-class rush and open mic night kicked off. Microbiology was tedious but certainly not grueling. He hadn't realized he'd been wiping the same spot of the counter over and over again until he heard someone clear their throat. He lifted his head and met eyes with his roommate Randy.

"Hey, what time are you off?"

"I'm closing." Closing shifts kept him here until at least one in the morning on a guaranteed lively evening such as the one pending.

"'Kay. Just letting you know, I've got a double date with the Bella twins tonight."

"Which one do you get?"

"Both of them. I get two helpings." Randy grinned deviously. Roman pretended to be proud of his manwhoreish ways. He held out a fist in feigned consent and praise, and Randy bumped it with his own. Roman couldn't imagine what Randy would have thought if he knew Roman had what felt an awful lot like a crush on some guy he didn't know.

"Score."

"So yeah. Fair warning if you wander in at any point tonight. Might be a little noisy."

Ugh. Roman wondered if he had anywhere else to crash tonight. He totally wanted to respect Randy's privacy with Nikki and Brie Bella by staying far away from that apartment. "Thanks for the heads-up. Anything else you want while you're here?"

Randy's big brown eyes scanned the handwritten menu on the wall above Roman's head. "Yeah, go ahead and get me a Mt. Vesuvius Panini. Extra meatballs."

In the five minutes it took to prepare Randy's Panini, more customers surged into the little coffeehouse.

Roman bagged Randy's order to go. Randy snatched the bag and gave Roman a wink. 

"See you later, then? Maybe?"

"Maybe." 

The End.

WCR Video: Blade Braxton Is The Littlest Hobo

Since we usually like to cross-promote WCR Videos with The Mike Check Show. Check out the Littlest Hobo theme song; "Maybe Tomorrow" on The MACKER! And then watch the show's opening titles, featuring WCR's "Braxton" in the leading role, right here on THE WHACKER!



(Video by LannysPermJuice)

And be sure to visit here for the WCR Video archives!

251 Like The Sandwich: August 30, 2015

Unlike ODB's new sauces; This show

won't "make you love it all the way".

79 minutes

RD is still angered WWE ruined Prime Time Wrestling by adding a live studio audience. Blade can only remember when Miss Elizabeth was on the show.

RD & Blade are confused by people wrongly saying the word Gif from its 100 year old creator and his weird looking groin. (:04)

Blade threatens more episodes of the wrestling progrem.

RD mentions more about his Skyline Arcade. I really have to go and visit it now. The Midnight Rose hosted a horror movie show because we all know how great Tony Montana was as a slasher movie villain.

RD needs more sponsors for Lord Alfred to announce and fill the whole progrem. Thankfully my chipmunk voice makes Blade laugh. I call that a win. I really need to take RD's advice and slow down though, but I admit there is an appeal in being quick. It makes me feel like I'm driving down my hometown highway in a custom made Bugatti, the official activity of all locals here. (:12) More fine shilling of this here website makes Blade yawn.

The progrem is also sponsored by The Intestinal Fortitude. RD reads their ad copy though sadly not as fast as I. (:16) Blade ignores the crickets.

:18 RD was once forbidden to go grocery shopping because he would just buy random unnecessary stuff like any good shopper would.

Blade: "Kids eat poop."

Anyway RD has SUPER FRUIT Starburst which seems an oxymoron in and of itself. After remembering ravioli (thankfully not super fruit flavored) and something about Pearl Harbor (not being discussed by Bryan & Dave) RD tries the Blueberry Acai which looks like clay but tastes average like the Strawberry Starfruit. The Pomegranate Passionfruit is the worst of the bunch.

:30 Blade does his Reuben-Like-The-Sandwich impression. He sounds an awful lot like Stubby. What is even stranger is that unlike most impersonations and parodies on the show Reuben is an actual person. Sure, Blade may have done a Don impression here and there but at least it was just that and not a full fledged calling character, and of course Don himself would later appear on the show...like last time in fact. Maybe Reuben is more harder to find as he's been stuck in his car he's still been paying for.

Meanwhile Blade as Reuben-Like-The-Sandwich tries Lay's New York Reuben chips (like the sandwich) prompting RD to gong himself. They don't taste like the sandwich sadly. Or like Reuben for that matter. Blade himself likes them though.

:34 Last seen trying to fund raise bus money, Virgil is claiming that Xavier Woods is his son. Surprisingly this is not winning people to his side, not unless he is taking life lessons from Mike Check and his Virility Tour of the highways and byways of the world.

RD: "Speaking of rustle mmm ma mmm."

ODB has a new BBQ sauce (sadly not named Old Dirty Barbeque), much to Jim's chagrin. (:38) Blade continues to plague him with his bad memory - didn't he say last time he wasn't going to appear on the progrem until he got paid/booked?

Jim: "You put the I in Itinerary don't ya?"

He then reads the BBQ sauce blurb and takes offense to its rowdiness unlike his sauce which is all consensual. I think it depends how you use the bottle really. "Go flop yourself!" he says.

:45 Talking about Tammy makes RD cry and a little daemon get its wings. She made a joke that would fit into the WCR itinerary assuming she can afford a paper plate. She's also shilling some other random thing or other. (Because all serious websites have a .us domain, let alone be part of another meta site.)

Blade postpones his Big Announcement. Shocking I know. RD thinks it's his old Carnival idea.

:51 Sir Alec has been feeding Ellie like a pet at the local Long John Silver's buffet. I wonder if they use any BBQ sauces. For eating OR douching. RD has to explain Sir Alec to potentially new listeners despite him having appeared on the interim RD & Blade Show a couple of times before as far as I can remember, before he entertains with a Roman Reigns story, which hinges on it being a Thursday and "has a lot of big words" that tongue tie Blade - I mean Sir Alec - and has RD rolling on the chair laughing.

SPEAKING OF weekdays...

Sir Alec: "Oh boy. I got myself Deal. Never become smarter than yourself. That's kinda how the Terminator happened."

:62 Peter (not Gazer) has the Question Of The Week wondering how the duo managed to snag Lord Alfred. RD answers with a food analogy but instead of sending him his bread or Starburst he searches around his office for a WWE napkin, Scott Steiner's workout DVD, or a Memphis Heat DVD while Blade "entertains" the people. Blade is also to auction off another itinerary paper plate that he will again lose money on selling before the recipient sells THAT off.

Blade finally has the WWE Network like RD. He uses it to watch Miss Elizabeth matches. (:67)

In response to the disaster that is this "Divas Revolution" (something bad involving the Divas? Get out!) the duo respond with radio silence. RD predicts it will win this year's Gooker.

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine is not officially on Twitter. This is a shame as I'm sure his current trolling remarks on said Divas and lady wrestlers in general would make him the biggest online hit since the Iron Sheik, though unlike the Humble Maker he would actually write his own Tweets. (:73)

Seventeen Easily Digestible Syllables:
Hammer hates women.
What could help? Bellas using
The Hammer Jammer.



$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 4. WrestleCrapRadio.com, Rupert’s Kids Arcade, Drive In Movie Maniacs, TheIntestinalFortitude.com
• URLs not taken: 2. KidsEatPoop.com, RandysPaniniSandwich.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Television, horror movies, drive ins, tasty things to eat, tasty things to eat (2), hurting women, bloating.
  
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 1. Franco-American

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 4. Premier Blah, Reuben (Like the Sandwich), Jim, Sir Alec

 

• RD Time Outs: 2
• Blade Time Outs:  2
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man:  4
• Weird Al Laughs:  1
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• Mama’s Broken Damn Damn Damn Dishes:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  2
• WrestleCrap Gongs:  1
   

 

• Question of the Week from: Peter
  
• Hey RD and Blade!  How much did it cost you to get Lord Alfred back on the show after he jumped to Colt Cabana's Outlaw podcast? We have the best buttered bread.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Greg doesn’t like the skirts:
  Hammer hates women.
  What could help? Bellas using
  The Hammer Jammer.

250/40 Revival: August 20, 2015

I'ts Ba-ack! Yip-pay!

75 minutes

Having been podcasting for 10 years (and 250 episodes) now, RD & Blade decide to bring the old show back, and NOT because they only made 39 episodes of its 'successor' over 2 years. Cue the same old Old Yeller jokes. Although now I want to see a Zombie Old Yeller movie, so...thanks?

(Of course, most full term shows have 25/26 episode seasons on average too, so it does all balance out overall. Then again, most full term shows aren't badly made wrestling radio progrems either. Not unless the next season of Better Call Saul has an episode where John Thomas discusses credit card payments with Mr. "Johnny Mackerel/Sean Goodplan".)

Greg, formerly of globalinternet.net, may be getting back into the website hosting business. RD wonders what his new site URL would be. (:04)

So it comes to pass that this very site you're reading (if still up) is now an official sponsor of WWCR. Cue my non Jeff Foxworthy impression/silent movie voice in reading the ad copy in a single sentence. (:07)

Blade: "Oh, here's the thing, you know, we want to try and get a good schedule going where -"
RD: "Well now you just cursed us."
...
Blade: "Here's the thing real quick."

:11 Blade has Don standing around to taste test some food for him. Hopefully he's not wearing his mask or using corn oil as a condiment. The bag of Herr's chips he's testing is sadly not named or flavored sand or Barbecue Corn Nuts like he guesses, or RD's thinking that it has Elmer's glue in it for that extra kick. (It's actually Peppered Bacon.)

Blade ate an entire 'pack of bacon' the day before. Wouldn't you? (Don't answer that.)

Blade reads a blurb about the upcoming Black Bottle Brewery's Count Chocula Beer. If you want to try it out for yourself, try eating Count Chocula cereal in some beer instead of milk and see how it tastes. And it HAS to be in a cereal bowl or it doesn't count. (:20)

At least the Faxtrolla is still operational. (:22) Ted DiBiase and Jim Duggan met David Prowse at a UK wrestling convention. RD is reminded of when Mike Check went to a Star Wars convention and ran into Jake Lloyd Jr's foot, which is better than (his old man) "good old" Jake Lloyd Sr. being arrested after some real life podracing. Blade suggests watching Episode I in Spanish where (of all things) Anakin's "YIPPEE!!" was dubbed. Hmmm, I wonder how Latin Jar Jar would sound like now.

:28 The "TammyTrolla" has followed the Co-Fruitcakes to the original progrem, much to RD's dismay. She's trying to sell her sofa so she can buy a sectional. RD wonders if Debbie Reynolds is on social media. Her recent Skypeing for sexual/non-sexual related stuff suddenly summons the Sad News Music, but thankfully it's not for her. It IS for Yvonne Craig, the original Batgirl and Vince Russo's beloved, who is no longer with us after a long and fruitful life. (:34)

Blade can't wear his Bossk mask outside of Halloween for some reason, or so he says.

:37 The Question Of The Week is going to once again be award/prize winning because RD wants to clear out his house of unwanted stuff. At least for his American Listeners; seeing as it costs a bajillion to ship overseas, he'll instead pay the "lucky" winner $5 (American) for their submission. That converts to I believe £3, ¥600, $200 Canadian and 300 of whatever the Greek currency is now. 300 Spartans I think.

It also has a new email address: questions@wrestlecrap.com. That is the ONLY place for submissions now. No other ways will be accepted!...Almost no other ways, anyway.

In lieu of a question, what with the surprise recording and all, the two talk about their favorite progrem moments. Again. Thankfully their reminiscing is interrupted by a "Filson Wisk" looking for a "Mr. X". He sounds more like RD than Vincent D'Onofrio though. (Dincent V'Onofrio?) (:42)

The duo now need to look for a new TNA Correspondent. Oh joy. I guess the Honky Tonk Mailman was transferred to a different section in the USPS so he's unable to take them on his route in his pink Cadillac. (:45) They try calling David Lee Roth's Soundboard for help at first. He still won't report on TNA though. So they have to call JR instead. (:50) He's angry because he's not getting any money from his 'appearances', and is still so angry that he even censors himself. "Go fluff yourself!" he rambles.

Blade retrieves Stubby from his corner. He doesn't prove much help either. (:55)

Neither does Mike Check. (:58) His daughter is trying to find a job for him which is remarkable when you consider he's a prison escapee (EDIT: A prison escapee under house arrest who has his own website. --Raging_Demons). Did he ever tell you about the time when he was in Madison, Wisconsin (market) in WDEL "The Dell" (making bad Kennedy jokes) as Billy Limburger with Craig Atlas "Cutting The Cheese"? Also Taryn "Tiffany" Terrell brings his microphone up to attention to Carol Channing here on WWCR.

:69 Lesnar is to fight Undertaker as Frasier Crane at Summerslam. Iron Mark wonders how Cena's nose is holding up.

Seventeen Easily Digestible Cubic Syllables:
Taker Vs. Brock.
Summerslam's big main event.
Will Mark's Depends leak?




$28.50 plus that $19.99 The Price Is Right

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. WrestleCrapRadio.com, Greg formerly of Global Internet, WrestleCrap.com
• URLs not taken: 5. KrogerCellPhone.com, GloboGreg.com, TheBestDamnWebhostintheEntireUniverse.com, TrollaHosting.com, GoodOleJakeLoyd.com
  
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. The finest celebrities
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 7. Premier Blah, Don Mason, Filson Wisk, David Lee Roth, Jim, Stubby, Mike Check, “Iron” Mark Tyson

 

• RD Time Outs: 4 (1 Wait A Second)
  
• Krankor Laughs:  1
• The Price Is Woooo: 2
  
• RD False Finishes:  1
• Cricket Chirps:  1
  

 

• Trolla Products Update: Faxtrolla (functioning)

 

• Question of the Week from: RD & Blade
  
• Favorite WCR moment? RD:  WCR outro. Blade:  Hanging with RD.

 

• Mike Check Radio Row: 
• Station/Market:  WDEL The Del (Madison, Wisconsin)
• Radio Call Sign:  Billy Limburger
• Partner: Craig Atlas
  
• Show:  Cuttin’ the Cheese
• Song:  “Hello Dolly” by Carol Channing

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: This feels awfully familiar:
  Taker Vs. Brock.
  Summerslam's big main event.
  Will Mark's Depends leak?