124 Weird Seance: October 24, 2008

The Big Annual Halloween Episode
85 minutes
Written by Premier Blah

Halloween arrives a week early at WrestleCrap HQ, with new writings to make up for the lack of an update for the following week.

If you see this thing on your doorstep,
it's Blade, and he is about to rob you.

Roddy Piper PSAs return (:03) Blade wonders on the man's virility, and then waxes nostalgic on lurking molesters. He also considers dressing up as Darth Maul for the big day. (:09) Discussion is made of wearing the costume of Village People's Leather Man. (:10) Blade wore a Darth Maul cape to play a prank on his sister (:14) RD may be Magnum P.I. Talk is made of a new induction (Diva Halloween.)

Chris Engler of the Trolla Corporation has sent RD yet another gift (:16) which turns out to be a crystal ball. (An actual ball I mean, it's not an euphemism or anything) This is the SeanceTrolla, used for talking to the deceased. Expect a MySpace page of it up shortly. Don...Don Mason made a Freddy vs. Jason movie with Blade featuring stunt doubles, which is also one of the new inductions (:22) Much talk is made about it.

The SeanceTrolla activates making loud stock footage noises (:26) and when it finally calms down we hear the voice of Stubby. Gosh, it's almost like he's there (voiced by Blade)! Everyone misses him of course, and even his laugh track makes a return. He doesn't like it in death but at least he doesn't have Blade's hand up his ass. Blade fondly remembers him for "your jokes throughout the five episodes you were on." He says his trademark lines and his theme music takes him out. Blade and RD wonder on the "Supernatural apparatus" and "Evil presence" involved with their new 'device'.

RD's TRIP to the Grocery World Food Aisle - After discussion of weird trick or treat items, RD tries Aero Bars (:38) and sings some Aerosmith. His verdict: gritty like sandpaper (Blade's eaten sandpaper and liked it), but RD doesn't like it due to the holes inside it from 'ants'. Its SUPPOSED to be that way!

The SeanceTrolla flares up again (:42); this time fallen cricket Jermaine chirps. RD understands him like Luke Skywalker does with R2-D2. RD looks for the (remaining and living) crickets to converse to Jermaine through their own chirps, Blade recommends drawing them with a bad joke. RD: "This is the most fascinating segment ever." According to Blade we're listening to yet another Jump-The-Shark episode. Wouldn't it make more sense for this to be a Hop-The-Cricket instead?

The FaxTrolla (:47) has ONE piece of news website: Who is the WCW Halloween Phantom? The only thing we know of him is that he has a mustache. Perhaps he's actually Leather Man of the Village People?

The SeanceTrolla activates (:53) temporarily changing the music to that of Fantasy Booking Island. Mr Roarke and Tattoo make cameo appearances before they return to...

Ze Astral Plane! Ze Astral Plane!

(Sometimes the two make my job easy.)

The Question Statement of the Week from Jared (:55) activates the SeanceTrolla again to bring up a vision of the Dusty Rhodes book. Blade thinks it died of a broken heart. Mention is made of RD's Jared shoot video.  Today's submitter listens to WCR only while high but sadly does not win any award or prize for it. Now if he were listening to it while high and having sex, then we would have a winner.

'Nathaniel' calls (:59) 'His' theme music is thought of as a bad Trolla byproduct. Amid all the usual nonsense of 'his' fast talking: TNA in HD? The SeanceTrolla thankfully stops 'him' after just 3 minutes. (:62) Blade wants Mrs. Deal to kill Nathaniel with the help of a PayPal account. The SeanceTrolla clears into Johnny 6, held together with duct tape. Blade misses him like a long lost lover. "I. Am. Happier. Dead. Than. Watching. T. N. A. Leave. Me. Alone," Johnny says before he rolls away. Perhaps they should have called it the Reanimating Old Segments (ROS) Trolla?

Jim Ross spends some time to call in (:68). He's angry on not being invited to Raw's 800th show, most likely to do with his palsy face. He swears at Blade while doing so.

Music-less (still) Current Wrestling News (:72) Scant mentioning is made of the first episode of Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling. One hit wonder Tiffany was knocked out in the first round, probably due to her wearing granny panties. Blade suggests her only hit song for a theme. YouTubing of that song occurs. (Your usual commentary here.)

Blade's Moment of Seventeen Syllables:
Tiffany got cut.
What could have been beautiful?
More granny panties.

Blade thus gets a good idea of a good costume: Tiffany's granny panties. Coming soon to a cinema near you: Freddy Vs. Jason Vs. Tiffany!

002-BETA The Lost Episode (Mommy's Milk)

The Lost Episode
Al Capone's Second Vault
((( recorded in over-modulated fidelity ))) (42 minutes)

This is RD and Blade's first attempt to produce the second episode of WrestleCrap Radio. Blade says RD wanted a do-over because of sound quality, but the final version is just as bad.

RD prepares himself for the show by drinking out of his WWE Niagara Falls Cup. This does not help to improve the quality of the show though.

The Co-Hosts receive more love from Get In The Ring for their upcoming appearance.

RD talks about that week's Raw. Hey, I remember these attempts at jokes!

The listener can't help but appreciate the then-future strategy of refusing to talk about wrestling. Big Show vs the Heart Throbs has zero nostalgic value.

RD: "That's the thing I love about those James Bond movies, it's that they're so subtle. You know, we make fun of, like, WWF, WWE, and Beaver Cleavage, you know what I mean? But that is like so subtle compared to 'ummm, yes, what's your name?' 'My name is Pussy Galore.' 'I must be dreaming, nhmm hmm hmm hmm.'"

This year's Diva Search wasn't funny. RD brings up the hot dog eating contest which makes Blade mention what he saw One Night In China. The winner of the Search, one Ashley Massaro, looks like she has a mustache (Their words.). (:17) This is compared to another contestant who looks like an insect and another who looks like a 70's TV character.

RD admits that WrestleCrap Radio is a glorified phone call.

Nineteen minutes in, Tee Hee Tickle Party is in full effect.

SummerSlam will have at least some (Wrestle)Crap: the Eddie's kid on a pole match. Perhaps Hunter can adopt him. RD's PSA (:20): Don't solve parental disputes in the ring. RD also likes JBL's promos.

Blade suggests that Shawn Michaels give Hulk Hogan some of mommy's milk during their match. (I'm surprised he didn't do this during his face heyday in the 80s.) (:22) Blade then hits some 'haiku music'.

Seventeen Syllables of Slobber-Knocking: (:25)
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?

RD laughs so hard he spills milk all over his keyboard.

Some things happen for the next fifteen minutes. In honor of Dusty Rhodes in talks with WWE RD is planning to give away his autobiography to anyone who submits a good Question of the Week. The first question, from Andrew is Good, asks about wrestlers RD has met in person. Blade once met Coach at a bar. RD doesn't believe him. Crazy Rose's question is read and promptly discarded.

While wondering about potential WCR guests, Dennis Stamp is explained. Tony Atlas wanted money to appear in the WrestleCrap book. RD doubts Vince would call him up to return to WWE (:37), and we all are glad RD was incorrect. A Tee Hee Tickle Party closes the show as it just falls apart.

To improve the quality of this recap, here is the intro to Heathcliff, as well as Gummi Bears. Listen to those vocals!

I want to hear Blade sing the chorus of St Elmo's Fire.

092 A XXX Parody: February 1, 2008

Third Co-Host?

The one where RD leaves early
(57 minutes)

RD says The Crappy Awards will happen in the near-future because RD has a 'cold'. Despite this, he sounds just fine. You don't suppose he's making up an excuse to cover not actually doing that segment, did you...?

Trash Losagain takes third mic, and second phone.

24/7 Week 2 (:10): Memories of the first WCW Monday Nitro, The Mall of America, and WWF Raw are shared. Raw had ring girls, who were rentals.

RD reads the press release for JBL's Mamajuana. (:19) Blade makes a clever joke with timing. WWE will launch a children's magazine in April as well as a clothing line which means...

Blade found a use for the Katie Vick outfit. (:27)

Question of the Week (:29): The Dusty Rhodes book has a myspace page. From Big Sexy Stupid: Snitsky's Foot Fetish vs. Torgo's Peeping Tom.

Johnny 6 rolls in. "Curry. Man. Is. Very. Very. Very. Spicy." (:35)

WWE HD is sometimes gross. (:42)

RD 'abandons' the show. The plan backfires because the show remains just as entertaining. (:43)

What wrestlers would fit in classic movie roles?

John Cena won the Royal Rumble and wants his shot at the next PPV, not WrestleMania.

Seventeen Syllables for Your Orgasmic Listening Enjoyment:
Cena's title shot.
You can't see me...ordering
No Way Out next month.

089 Easy for a Listener to resist: January 4, 2008

Hooray For "Khali" Claus!

Easy for a Listener to resist
(78 minutes)

It's a new year. Time for weight-loss resolutions and fresh starts and Blade's "Big Announcement", which he announces that he cannot announce until a date that has yet to be announced. (:13) Johnny 6 doesn't care, he's still Blade's enemy: "Fuck. You. Braxton. ... I. Will. Kick. Your. Ass." he threatens. Big Daddy V in HD. Hurray for Khali Claus. (:19)

The WrestleCrap Book of Lists has hit #1 in wrestling books on Amazon. On March 31, 2008, it was #4, The Death of WCW was #52, and WrestleCrap was #82. However, THE DUSTY RHODES BOOK WAS #37. [On April 4, 2009, the Book of Lists was #5, Death of WCW was #19, WC was #57, Dusty was #87, and the overall rank for the Book of Lists was #41,723. Nobody ever said wrestling fans can read. --Iggy]

RD asks Blade what celebrity he resembles. Bill Cosby-ness.

Obscure Wrestling News (:25): The Mountie got married in a wrestling ring. Torrie Wilson has opened a clothing store, assuming her site actually works. (:30) Lacey Von Erich's daughter was released from a WWE developmental contract. (:35) The Lions suck. Joanie Laurer is now stuck on Celebrity Rehab. Christy Hemme has a new band: the world's nerdiest bowling team. (:41)

For no particular reason RD wants to listen to their first episode again. He barely lasts a minute before he can take no more and cuts it off. (:48)

Question of the Week from Primetime (:51): Could New Jack work as a wrestling analyst? RD wants him to talk about the Deever and her blackface figure.

After WSX folded, RD was ready to walk away from wrestling. But now, there's WWE 24/7. Blade and RD discuss the first Prime Time Wrestling show, from 1985. (:56)

RD announces the 'existence' of The Crappy Awards. They are scheduled to be handed out, on February 1.

The WWE Gooker nominees are discussed: (:63) Hornswoggle as Vince's son, Rosie vs. Donald (where the fans chanted "TNA" during the match), ECW Champion Vince McMahon, The Diva Search (again), and John Cena vs. Kevin Federline

Johnny 6 'apologizes' to Blade; "I. Am Sorry. Too. Bitch," before he gives the TNA nominees: Eric. Young. Versus. Robert. Roode., Pac. Man. Jones., Stomper. The. Kangaroo., Black. Reign., and T. N. A. Blindfold. Steel. Cage. Match.

Seventeen Syllables We Call The Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
It is Gooker time.
Lots of shitty nominees.
No Dubya S X.

088 Audio Snowball Christmas: December 21, 2007

"This...Place...Is...A...Pit"

Audio Snowball Christmas
(85 minutes)

This is an audio snowball fight. RD loves the pre-Xmas shows best. Clips of the WrestleCrap Choir singing Jingle Bells are interspersed in this show, one of them being Chris Engler, now of the Trolla Corporation. (:15)

Blade returned to hitting the bottle. Sad News: the Lions didn't make the playoffs. (:20) [They'll get 'em until next season! --Iggy] He has another "Big Announcement" for next time.

Blade has a heart-warming story about he and Don flipping off a girl during the Xmas season. (:26)

Obscure Wrestling News (:28): a Playboy Diva poll is shockingly led by Chyna and Ashley Massaro. Damien Demento has been shooting on Vince McMahon and people who call him a jobber. (:33) The Deever will be at the Big Boy Toy Show, which is not the title of a PPV.

Piper has Xmas clips about Santy Claus. (:39) Horsetrolla (:41): Bobtail was the horse's name in Jingle Bells. Mickie James went to the WWE events in Iraq. Blade is worried about wrestlers' helicopters being shot down while bad Creed songs are played. I think that since Vietnam was tragedy, the Iraq War is comedy.

The WrestleCrap Choir has the giggles and is drunk. (:45)

Question of the Week (:51): Give RD a prize/bribe to read your question. RD reads from the Dusty Rhodes book to further prove its existence. Travie Yak (2) wants WrestleCrap audio-books. More Piper clips.

Xmas Gift Exchange (:59): Blade received from C. Thomas Howell a rather...transposed gift. Deever's picture is ghostly white and her action figure is black. Perhaps she's the next Soul Man? He also got a Billy Sims Lions jersey. RD received a Brother Midnight T-Shirt (without pants of course) and a Potty Time bear.

Trolla also sent RD the TrollaTron 5200 AKA Johnny 6. (:69) His first words: "This. Place. Is. A. Pit." Blade suggests Johnny be the TNA correspondent. "T. N. A. Sucks," he replies, but he does like porn, so they balance out.

Barking Dogs.

Holiday Haiku That's a Little Bit Naughty and a Little Bit Nice:
WrestleCrap Christmas.
What would make the yuletide gay?
[Michael] Cole in your stocking.

084 Kung Fu Jesus: November 16, 2007

Pictured: Mickie "Lifting The Tail"

Not Pictured: Blade

Kung Fu Jesus
(90 minutes)

Blade offended a thirteen-year-old. Chris Engler, now suddenly of the Trolla Corporation, sent Blade a ShirtTrolla for his TV appearance.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:22): "Humane" mouse trap. The Dusty Rhodes book has a Myspace page. RD swears.

Faxtrolla: Trolla products stop the awkward silence. (:31) New Jack started a new wrestling promotion, in Cincinnati, and its first event is at the Intense Arena. Random singing ensues. Gorgeous George dances on the pole at Gorgeous Frankenstein gigs. Carmen Electra sued the Naked Women's Wrestling League for the $300,000 they have yet to pay her. That should have been a warning sign right there: being offered that much as a non-wrestling celebrity by a wrestling promotion which is not just not WWE, but instead named "Naked Women's Wrestling League". [Also why is it not inducted or featured yet? - Future PB] (:39) Joanie Laurer changed her legal name to Chyna Doll. (:43) This week's It Came from Youtube is the Ultimate Warrior at a Thanksgiving Parade. (SPEAKING OF odd legal names.) RD has a Mii. (:46) A game based on Dancing with the Stars for the Wii will include Stacy Keibler. She may be obscure, but she looks far better than any Diva on the active roster.

Question of the Week (:53): The Co-Hosts get 'hundreds' of questions, and yet only read those from the same handful of people. This one's from Citizen Raider, who likes Carlito's hair. Sadly it may not be on TV for long, as he may be on his way out. Blade says Sable's Playboy pubic hair was photoshopped. Preemptive Sad News: The Deever may be fired. (:58) The producer of WSX will be on WCR in two weeks.

TNA will hold a Turkey Bowl. (:70) RD has eaten at Restaurant. Belt it as a mini. What If Jesus Knew Kung Fu? (:79) A Black Friday Sale is upcoming for the site. Cena says he was 'misquoted'.

Seventeen Freakin Syllables:
Save us, 6 2 2.
What is Chris gonna do? Mur-
der all creative?

079 An Evening with Lanny Poffo: October 12, 2007

An Evening with Lanny Poffo
(75 minutes)

Memories from the Legends show. Pink WCW shirt. Lanny Poffo could recite decades-old poems. WCW paid him for years and he never wrestled for them.

A portion of RD and Blade having dinner with Lanny Poffo as he tells them a funny story. (:20 - :26)

The Clocktrolla has stopped. (:33) Sad News: Candice lost to the Glamazon. Even more Sad News: RD wants his money back. Blade: "What are you doing, you slapping yourself?"

Question of the Week (:39) from Square about virginal wrestlers. RD reads from the Dusty Rhodes book.

Obscure Wrestling News (:46): Aereola will be in a porn movie, following fellow vampire Gangrel's footsteps. "A retarded couple" stole Blade's Jay Lethal shirt. Blade: "Hey, hey I might have been walking around shirtless, but hey, at least, least… least I don’t need someone to wipe my own ass!" Booker T is reviving Halloween Havoc. Will Tough Enough return? TNA Impact now has a second hour, much like WCW's Thunder. (:60) RD wants a DVD called The Worst of Thunder so he can live off the Amazon.com referral percentage. At an OVW show, Tony Atlas told CM Punk not to tape his hands. (:66)

Seventeen Syllables of Curse Words:
Orton won the belt.
He was the last man standing.
Shit, R K O No.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Curly to my Moe, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Lannypoffo.com, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 0. 
• SPEAKING OFs: 6. Babydoll, wearing name tags (2), things that are hot, Divas matches, retards in TNA
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. The Love Boat, Scatman Crouthers (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 1. Lanny Poffo

 

• F-Bombs: 3. Lanny Poffo (2), Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 4
• Weird Al Laughs: 2
• Cricket Chirps: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 1
• Funk Sock Muzak: 1
  

 

• Mickie James References: 2
• Shelly Martinez References: 9
  

• Question of the Week from: Square
  
• Hey my mate on the forum EJM is a no good virgin! I believe he is scared of vaginas for some reason. What wrestlers do you think still haven't gotten a piece of the poontang pie? I believe that Shannon Moore may be the Prince of Punk, but the Prince of the P***y is not his other nickname. Big Daddy V.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Orton won the belt.
  He was the last man standing.
  Shit, R K O No.

 

071 Fantasy Booking Island: July 27, 2007

Fantasy Booking Island
(108 minutes)

RD and Blade were on Bryan Alvarez's podcast. Brooke is not "anonymous" but Blade is. Quote he: "Can you imagine if we did a show everyday?"

RD's Trip to Wendy's (:08): Blade's runaway Plymouth Horizon story featuring Don Mason. He is asked to write "The Blade Braxton Story". Wendy's has freaks on their take-out paper bags.

Co-Host Contest Week 18 (:20): Starring Primetime (:25), Tom (:32), Seth (Drakin?) (:41), Ed Salo (:47) and WWE's incorrect and useless trivia book. A recorded message and wrong number sum up the Contest. The auditions are (finally) finished. A "winner" will be announced after the 'tapes' are 'reviewed'. Final Tally: 14 of 24.

Clocktrolla: 10138 days. (:50)

Obscure Wrestling News: Rickey Morton left a show because his tag partner Robert Gibson and his glass eye were making three times as much money. (:53) Blade: "I’d still be cleaning the Jergens off me right now." Tajiri does not want to return to WWE, though no one knows if it has to do with his imprisoned wife. The Zombie managed to beat his opponent last week. Mike Knox is returning to bodyslam the Miz. (:60) Areola is selling her vampire wares. (:63) Blade: "Do you need a good spunk rag or a funk sock?" Jackie Gayda's former boyfriend is looking for an excuse to sell her models by also providing free nude pics. "Good friend of the show" Dan Spivey was arrested for a DUI. Blade considers Dan Spivey a role model. The Horsetrolla has a myspace: (:69) Mickie James will be stage-diving at the Warped Tour. According to Blade, Don Mason's grandfather once stumbled onto a guy fucking a horse.

The Question of the Week segment has returned. (:74) Josh has an idea for a food related tag team. The Dusty Rhodes book is still at WrestleCrap HQ.

Mr Rourke's Fantasy Booking Island, e.g. Fantasy Crap Island. (:79 - :87)

WWE has put Hacksaw and Sandman into a tag team. Hulk will be on QVC hawking the Hogan Grill. (:87) Washed-up famous people choose to sell food-preparation machines because pretty much anything that produces heat can cook food and the instructions are simple: put food in thing, close lid, turn on. It's good masturbation material for Blade though. ("That’s between me and the funk sock.") McMahon is still behind the times, especially when it comes to music. Battle of Kings: Booker vs Jerome Lawler. (:96) RD loved the Hitman vs Doink / Lawler DQ match.

Delayed Haiku:
'Swoggle's a champ. If
SuperPorky doesn't get
a shot, we riot.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Extreme to my Expose, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 3. Figure Four Weekly, Global Internet, AngryMarks.com
• URLs not taken: 3. DigitalPheromones.com, soiledwithsemen.com, funksock.com
• SPEAKING OFs: 8. The exotic types and world tours of love, going around the world getting poontang, the grocery, dramatic, women of WCW, cheap bucks, people about as old as Mr. Rourke, living in the past
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 30. Plymouth Horizon (4), Dodge Omni, Plymouth Horizon (5), Dodge Omni (4), Plymouth Horizon (11), Fantasy Island, Maude, Happy Days, Fantasy Island (2)
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• Phone Calls & Run Ins: 2. Mr. Roark, Tattoo

 

• F-Bombs: 3. Blade as his mom, Blade (2)

• RD Time Outs: 1
  
• Krankor Laughs: 3
• Weird Al Laughs: 3
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 2
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 6
• Cricket Chirps: 1
• ClockTrolla Chimes: 1

 

• Mickie James References:  6
• Ashley Massaro References:  3
• Shelly Martinez References:  3

• Return: Question of the Week from: Josh
  
• Mr. Mrs. Deal, with Johnny Nitro becoming John Morrison, I was thinking if WWE ever decides to reunite M&M, would they now be called MMM? And if so what are the odds they do a cross-promotional ad campaign for Hungry Man Dinners with Homer Simpson? License to print money! Give my best to Uncle Burt. No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  'Swoggle's a champ. If
  SuperPorky doesn't get
  a shot, we riot.

 

052 WSX-Plosion: February 9, 2007

Just 1(00) Calories!

WSX-Plosion
(81 minutes)

What's with Candice Michelle's face? For the second time since October, Blade has power-sawed part of a finger. RD calls him a boxcar hobo. What is on White Castle's special Valentine's menu? (:11)

Co-Host Contest at the One-Stop Trolla Shop Week 2: Chris McGuinness is given a trick question. (:14) Jamie "Elimination Chamber" Retallic is rejected because there's already one half-idiotic co-host. (:25) Tally: 1 for 4.

RD's Trip to the Grocery (:28): 100-calorie packs. Lorna Doones make the only really good ones. Granola bars taste terrible.

Obscure Wrestling News (:36): Eric Bischoff challenged Salt Lake Cityians to an arm wrestling contest, beating the first guy but receiving a radial fracture from the second. MIT now has a wrestling history course and a chapter from The Death of WCW is on the syllabus. (:43)

Wrestling Dream-Rapistry: Grocery Store (:46): The Musical! Dusty Rhodes has a white spot due to his masturbation skills. [That should be his logo whenever he opens a butchery. His motto should remain the same: "You can beat my prices, but you can't beat my meat!"]

Mail Bag (:53): Ratty the Goat thinks WCR episodes should begin with a warning/disclaimer to not try this at home. RD is still old.

Blade missed a heavily 'roided Cena on Raw because he kept turning it off out of embarrassment as soon as a nurse would enter his hospital room. (:58) RD missed a heavily 'roided Cena on Raw because the Misses TiVoed a Lifetime movie instead. (What, no James Bond movie?)

However, they didn't miss the greatest wrestling show in years, WSX. (:64) The Balls of Steel Texas Tornado. That 70s Inhaler Man. Explosions, explosions, explosions.

ECW is the antithesis of WSX. Clayface, or Gene Snitsky, appeared. (Boba Clayfoot?) "Have you ever seen Cookie Puss?" RD wants you to ask your co-workers. (:75)

Seventeen Syllables of Snitsky Goodness:
What could be better?
Snitsky's got a great new look.
Mania main event.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Chicago Bears to my Indianapolis Colts, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 1. Global Internet
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Shit in your face, long flesh colored things, wrestling books, Dusty Rhodes masturbating
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Gone With the Wind, Flash Gordon, Cookiepuss
  
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

 

• F-Bombs: 14. Blade
  

• Krankor Laughs: 2
  
• Weird Al Laughs: 1
• RJ Fletcher, Yes Man: 3
  
• WrestleCrap Gongs: 9
  

• Trish Stratus References: 1

• Mailbag
• Ratty the Goat: Dear Blade and old man Reynolds, after the dynamite auditions last week are you going to take a cue from WWE DVDs and place an unskippable warning at the start of your shows which implores fans to please not try this at home? P.S. Blade is RD's old man stench so pungent that can you smell it over the phone and how much of a distraction is it during the show? No sold.
  

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Boba Foot reboot?
  What could be better?
  Snitsky's got a great new look.
  Mania main event.

 

023 WrestleCrap Rumble: March 17, 2006

WrestleCrap Rumble
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (33 minutes)

KILLER BEE NO LONGER
ON THE LOOSE

NBC scheduled Saturday Night's Main Event for 8 P.M. RD has started writing a column for Fighting Spirit magazine in the UK. Wrestlemania's main event makes no sense, but there will be a Boogeyman match. Blade would see it if his bill collectors would not cut into his line.

Obscure Wrestling News: The Trish and James stalker angle has been "spayed and neutered". Candice Michelle used a doppelganger for her Playboy photos. RD mimics (badly) a concerned Israeli mother in Irish falsetto. Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine are reuniting for some show. RD proposes a segment called Wrestling Hard Times. Brian Blair says his career was ended when he tripped in a restaurant recently and not thirty years ago.

The Question of the Week has louder music than usual, and the Dusty Rhodes book still lingers around RD's house. This week from James Cobb: Flava Flav should avoid Boogeyman.

Scott Steiner has a large tattoo. Blade calls Samoa Joe "Carmel Delight Joe". Verne Gagne is going into the Hall of Fame inducted by "Rambo" Greg Gagne. Blade hits the WrestleRock Rumble music.

Seventeen Syllables of Funk:
Verne's been inducted.
Screw Cena's mumble. Here's Verne's
Hall of Fame rumble.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The cousin Luke to my cousin Butch, Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. Writing, surprises, Candice, scantily dressed women
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Motley Crüe, Casio keyboard
• I didn’t even know he was sick: 0.

• Trish Stratus References: 2.
• Mickie James References: 1.
  

• Question of the Week from: James Cobb
  
• Since Wrestlemania is approaching and Vince McMahon has been known to have matches between wrestlers and celebrities, do you think there will be a match at Wrestlemania 22 between clock hatah the Boogeyman and clock lovah Flava Flav? NO.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku: Funktified Edition
  Verne's been inducted.
  Screw Cena's mumble. Here's Verne's
  Hall of Fame rumble.

008 Naming Nicknames: October 14, 2005

Naming Nicknames
(32 minutes)

INNOCENT, NUTRITIOUS FUN

WrestleCrap Radio is like a junkyard.

WrestleCrap is holding a contest for the worst WrestleCrap Halloween costume. RD's favorite is one guy as the Ultimate Warrior with everyone else in the picture ignoring him.

RD's found Boo Berry at just about every grocery store close to him. Blade says King Vitamin should be renamed King Pedophile due to his creepy appearance.

Strike Force will reunite for an indy Halloween show. "Scary" Sherri Martel always scared RD.

Hacksaw Jim Duggan flipped over a bus at a charity bus race. Blade finds fault with this.

This podcast is considered the "USA Today of wrestling podcasts". I find fault with this.

Matt Hardy's new girlfriend is Ashley Massaro and not Alexis Laree, thankfully. Blade says he'll wrestle Nicole Bass if the Detroit Lions lose more games than the Colts this season. Last year Blade lost and had to watch One Night in Chyna. Blade dreamed of sharing muffins with Raven, but doesn't get into much more than mentioning it.

Update on the Dusty Rhodes book: a change of mind has kept it on the shelf. Question of the Week from Evil Master Betty: Following Jim Cornette's rule that an angle can be re-used after seven years, what angles would you like to see re-used? Blade wants to see that White Hummer return. RD meanwhile wants Evil JR to bring out fake wrestlers.

Speaking of JR, rumors abound that he's leaving Raw. The Co-Hosts don't really believe them, even more so when they hear WWE wants a replacement announcer with no wrestling experience but a desire for lots of money. Blade reveals his favorite announce team: Superstar Billy Graham, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Sean Mooney. Speaking of Charlie Minn...

Raw had plenty of McMahons, such as Nipple H.

Seventeen Syllables of Fun:
Stephanie now blond.
She kinda looks like Britney,
a pregnant Britney.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Lamont Sanford to my Fred Sanford, Mr. Blade Braxton
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 0.
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 17. Charlie Minn, Charlie Minn (2) or Brian Knobbs, him, not Charlie Minn, Halloween (2), things that probably not fare well in test markets, frightening (2), Nicole Bass, Charlie Minn (3), Charlie Minn (4) and horrible announcers, Charlie Minn (5), ugly
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Sanford & Son, King Vitamin
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

• Mickie James references: 2 (as Alexis Laree)
  
• Ashley Massaro references:  8
• Trish Stratus references: 1

• Question of the Week from: Evil Master Betty
• The WWE at No Mercy just reused a burning casket angle from the Kane-Taker feud back in 1998, only this time Orton is burning Taker alive. I guess Cornette was right. Which angle from seven years ago or longer would you like to see redone but only crappier than last time? Blade: the mysterious White Hummer. RD: Evil JR.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Stephanie now blond.
  She kinda looks like Britney,
  a pregnant Britney.

 

007 Flipping a stuffed bird: October 7, 2005

Flipping a stuffed bird
((( recorded in low phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)

RD dreamed he was on Hogan Knows Best and Brooke had some magic wand (a dildo?). He also read a masochistic book from some guy with a menial grocery-based job. More Boo Berry talk.

TNA's name sucks. Blade wants to call them TeNAy instead.

Raw's highlight hour of their homecoming special reminded RD that the show used to be good. Linda McMahon is a terrible in-ring actress. Kevin Von Erich was at Raw.

RD says the Dusty Rhodes book has been accepted by last weeks' question of the week "winner." This week's from Kamala Balboa is about Koko's stuffed bird on Raw and whether it would be auctioned off. Koko also demands extra for the bird for wrestling appearances.

Blade Braxton's Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
Koko with stuffed bird.
Judging by Hunter's physique,
Trips ate the real bird.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Bodacious Bart to my Bombastic Bart, Mr. Blade Braxton 
• WrestleCrap Radio Sponsors: 2. Fandango, Pro Wrestling Premier
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. Something that is cool
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 2. Happy Days, ABC After-school Special
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

• Ashley Massaro references:  1
• Tammy Sytch references: 1

• Question of the Week from: Kamala Balboa
• What do you think the chances of Koko's fake parrot from Raw being auctioned off on wwe.com are? I could totally see them doing it and I could totally see me buying it.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Koko with stuffed bird.
  Judging by Hunter's physique,
  Trips ate the real bird.
  

005 Raw Homecoming: September 23, 2005

Raw Homecoming
(26 minutes)

Tammy Sytch had a walk-on role in RD's dream, saying, "you know, some days are Smokey and the Bandit, and some days are Stroker Ace." Blade dreams that Demolition came back to Raw.

Burt Reynolds makes it all better. At least, back in the 70's.

RD cannot give away the Dusty Rhodes book. Question of the Week from Lildude8218: shouldn't Carlito hide foreign objects in his hair like Captain Caveman?

Ken Kennedy's gimmick is to talk loudly. Blade wants to call Ashley Massaro "Gung Ho", after the G.I. Joe character. A new Monday Night War is starting as Spike will put UFC shows on at the same time as Raw on USA. RD likes his violence scripted. Raw's homecoming will have a slew of WWF legends who have never been on Raw. WWF's DVD hatchet job on Ultimate Warrior is being released.

Seventeen Syllables of Your Time:
Oh Mr Helwig.
Forget queering. Pray that your
new disc doesn't work.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Partner in Crime, Blade Braxton
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 4. People complaining (3), G.I. Joe
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. Happy Days, Good Times, J.J. Walker, Maude
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  1.

• Ashley Massaro references:  14
• Tammy Sytch references: 2

• Question of the Week from: Lildude8218
  
• Do you think Carlito keeps things hidden in his hair like Captain Caveman? Discuss what might be in there. No sold, but it would be a great gimmick.
  

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Oh Mr Helwig.
  Forget queering. Pray that your
  new disc doesn't work.

 

003 Tee Hee Tickle Party: August 26, 2005

Tee Hee Tickle Party
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (29 minutes)

The reviews are in. WrestleCrap Radio has been called both the 'giggle time happy fun hour' and 'tee hee tickle party.'

Least Disturbing Image Search Result for "Tee Hee Tickle Party"

Mrs. Deal is "very pregnant" and if her water breaks, RD will leave and Blade will have to finish the show alone. Surely she could wait another twenty minutes.

More discussion of Get In The Ring Radio. RD: "I'm not a Juggalo."

RD took a trip to the library to listen to boring wrestling books on tape. He thinks of doing it as a weekly thing - the trips, I mean, not listen to boring books.

Brian Knobbs was on Hogan Knows Best as Hogan's choice as a babysitter and neither Blade nor RD suggests that it's grounds for divorce.

Last week's Question of the Week prize winner didn't want the Dusty Rhodes book. This week's Questioner, Super Hot Item, is looking for love advice.

More moves are suggested for Chris Masters, master of the MasterLock. Gene Snitsky as a foot fetishist bounty hunter earns him RD's nickname of Boba Foot. [I prefer Boba Feet. It sounds closer to the original name.] Where's Trish Stratus? Matt Hardy has been buried since his return.

Here We Go:
Poor old Matt Hardy.
"Work or shoot?" we asked. Try shot,
as in your career.

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• Effervescent Blade Braxton
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 7. Brian Knobbs (4), reality shows, fetishes (2)
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 3. Mamas and the Papas, Jim Croce, Harry Chapin
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

• Ashley Massaro references:  2
• Trish Stratus references: 5

  

• Debut: RD's TRIP (to the library)
  

• Question of the Week from: Super Hot Item
  
• I am I’m love with a girl. What should I do? No sold. 

 

• Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  Poor old Matt Hardy.
  "Work or shoot?" we asked. Try shot,
  as in your career.

002 Mommy's Milk: August 19, 2005

Mommy's Milk
((( recorded in high phone-buzzing fidelity ))) (27 minutes)

RD prepares himself for the show by drinking out of his WWE Niagara Falls Cup. This does not help to improve the quality of the show though.

The Co-Hosts receive more love from Get In The Ring for their upcoming appearance.

RD needs more people for the podcast, so to bribe them to come he's going to give away the Dusty Rhodes book to people who send in Questions of the Week to them. The first question, from Crazy Rose, is read and promptly disregarded.

While wondering about potential WCR guests, Dennis Stamp is explained. Tony Atlas wanted money to appear in the WrestleCrap book.

RD: "You know, you know, you know, the, you know, I make fun of WWF, WWE for some of their gimmicks, but when you talk about like, he came up with Beaver Cleavage, you know, he's really, and you say that's you know beatin' people over the head and that's not funny but you look at it and you have like James Bond and you got like Octopussy and and you know it's like 'wha-wha-what's your name?' 'My name's Pussy Galore.' It's like, 'Oh I must be dreaming, nhmm hmm hmm hmm.'"

This year's Diva Search wasn't funny. RD says, "We didn't have anybody this year saying my ass is hungry." RD brings up the hot dog eating contest which makes Blade mention what he saw One Night In China. The winner of the Search, one Ashley Massaro, looks like she has a mustache (Their words.). This is compared to another contestant who looks like an insect and another who looks like a 70's TV character.

[Fifteen minutes in, Tee Hee Tickle Party is in full effect.]

SummerSlam will have at least some (Wrestle)Crap: the Eddie's kid on a pole match. Perhaps Hunter can adopt him.

Blade suggests that Shawn Michaels give Hulk Hogan some of mommy's milk during their match. (I'm surprised he didn't do this during his face heyday in the 80s.)

Blade then hits some 'haiku music'. RD: "Is this Hulkster milking music? Dare I even ask why you're playing this queeny music?"

First Ever WrestleCrap Haiku:
Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
SummerSlam's big main event.
Will Hulk's Depends leak?

 

 

 

Facts & Figures (as compiled by Erik Majorwitz)

 

• The Arthur Fonzerelli of the Wrestling World
• URLs not taken: 0.
• SPEAKING OFs: 1. People who might not like the show
• Dave Meltzer, not talking about: 0.
• Outdated references: 4. The Outer Limits, Bea Arthur, Maude, Land of the Lost
• I didn’t even know he was sick:  0.

 

• Christy Hemme references:  1
• Ashley Massaro references:  8

 

• Debut: Question of the Week from: Crazy Rose 
• How on God's green earth is Steve Austin pouring a beer on himself cooler than the Sandman pouring beer on women? No sold. 

 

• Debut: Blade Braxton’s Weekly Wrestling Haiku:
  
  Shawn Michaels, Hulkster,
  SummerSlam's big main event.
  Will Hulk's Depends leak?
  

 

The Dusty Rhodes Book

Dusty: Reflections of an American Dream (AKA The Dusty Rhodes Book) sat on R.D. Reynold's shelf for years because nobody was willing to accept it as a prize for their Question Of The Week.

RD alleges that the book is full of profanities, but this cannot be confirmed because nobody else has ever read it.