WrestleCrap Fan Fiction Theatre Episode 5: "Frankie's Quest for Love"

Frankie's Quest for Love

Frankie sat atop his perch, lovesick and lonely. Would he ever find a soulmate?

He had sat on Koko's shoulder for hours as they browsed match.com in hopes his longtime friend could help him find somebody to mate with.

Frankie was very picky, but there were a few birds which caught his eye.

Pauly, Pauly, oh sweet pauly. Wow she was such a delectible feathered vixen. Frankie was concerned. It was rumored she wanted more that just a cracker. She was an insatiable sexpot, known for numerous orgies with huge flocks of robins and hummingbirds.

Frankie decided to pass on a potential tryst, as he didn't want to take the risk of getting any sexually-transmitted bird flu.

He needed somebody more wholesome, and who could fill that role better than Sesame Street's Big Bird? There was one catch, though. They were both males.

However, Frankie was not offended by homosexuality. In the Sixties, he had made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud, in the rain. It was possible that a male slipped in. There'd be no way of knowing.

However, he was turned off by Big Bird's yellow feathers.
It reminded him of when he had yellow diahrrea and would have to stare at it, dried up and on the newspapers lining the bottom of his bird cage, because Koko was too lazy to clean it regularly.


Captain Morgan's parrot was an option, but alas, Frankie wanted nothing to do with an alcoholic parrot. It would bring back too many unpleasant memories of Koko stumbling in drunk after a weekend bender.

No, there was only one choice for Frankie: Toucan Sam. The rainbow-colored beak the Kellog's icon possessed made him randy. The mere thought of them sharing a naked breakfast in bed made him want to go choke his parrot.

There was only one dilemma. Would Frankie's dong fit into Sam's brown Froot Loop?

The End

(My great thanks to Iggy for the thankless job of transcribing the whole thing. I shudder for him on his behalf.)