149 Not with a bang but a whimper: June 26, 2009

76 minutes

Sad News: Candice Michelle and Sim Snuka Jr. have been released. Blade, obviously drunk from the news, makes fun of Sim's name and wants to gag Candice. He searches for her online rather than do his Co-Fruitcake job on this radio progrem. Once again RD thinks Blade is making things up. Mention of the good old Clocktrolla makes the Co-Fruitcakes wonder on repeating the same jokes. (:07)

Meanwhile the Curse is having its damn fool effect killing off Ed McMahon, while Walter Cronkite is close to being no longer with us thanks to these two. Blade wants the Tranny to be on the show, RD wants Vince Russo to return. There's also the "big celebration" of Mike Check trying to break TNA record, but RD is still angry at the bumper sticker selling (:11) They wonder if Greg had sex with Mike Check's daughter, most likely in his brothel too.

Blade took a TRIP to the convenience store (:14) and spends his time trying out some more Doritos flavors. In other words nothing happens for 10 minutes on a show with "wrestling news like no place else".

Jim Ross calls in after this taste test to bitch and moan some more. (:24) He's angry at shilling Kentucky Grilled Chicken at RAW, and he tells his 'story' of meeting Colonel Sanders and thinking him a Grand Wizard of the KKK. But even more bizarre is his random reference to former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, making RD crack up even as he continues to mention Michael Cole's "fag house". Is that what Gorbachev nicknames his house? (In Russian, no doubt.)

From there the two call Sir Alec (:31) who's strangely enough suddenly in mainland America somewhere. (Well, he's 'normally up Blade's street', so in this case somewhere apart from that.) He's unusually evasive this week, making strange noises with the help of RD's computer as he leaves without telling a story. Gee, it's almost like he's hiding something...

To some Obscure News now, the Warrior is now an Ultimate Knife Painter. (:35) The Co-Fruitcakes look at his works at http://www.warriorgallery.com, which mostly look to be Greg Valentine dressed up as a native American. Blade, now drunk enough to be randomly pressing buttons on his phone, feels moved enough to paint a picture of Candice Michelle to auction for some money. He should paint one of Stubby and have him sign it.

As RD brings up the terrible thought of Linda Hogan being RAW GM at :44 and possibly giving Vince ideas, the Hulk is trying to stop paying alimony to his wife by trying to make it so that the money is being used for drugs. Hmmm, I guess he's actually the one taking those drugs and coming up with that stupid idea.

The phone rings again, but this time it's none other than good old John Thomas. (:46) After being fired from his former job thanks to Chris Hansen, he's now calling on behalf of DBR Services for "Mike The Czech." Aha, so that explains it! He's secretly Keyser Soze! The closest he found of him before was some random abortion clinic, which brings up so many wrong things I'll just skip it and go on ahead with the rest of the episode.

Like this week's Question for example. (:53) Mike N. (Nesmith?) tries to summon Paul Christy to the show, but unfortunately he's on vacation with the woman sexual Triple Kelly and can't attend.

And now to our live remote with Mike Check (:56), at a fireworks factory celebrating his tie for that damn TNA record.

Sigh.

At this point this Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular is a real clusterfuck of a Tour. The only things he did was attend some Star Wars convention, go to some gun show, and fly a helicopter. Peter Gazer was more active than him, hell, Stubby did more than him! Blade shares my anger too, he's still pissed at the veteran DJ for some reason. Mike circumvents this by failing to pretend he doesn't know John Thomas of DBR Services, instead remembering his days at KBNG "The Big Kabang" in Cheyanne Wyoming, where he was known as Roman Candle and did a show with "The Sparklers".

He then chooses to smoke a cigar given to him from a certain British chap.

Apparently he failed to notice it was from the ACME company, or that you shouldn't smoke in a goddamn motherfucking fireworks factory. Remind me again what he's doing here? A expected the place goes up in a big explosion, kinda like this show. To further expand the truthiness of the radio progrem, in less than one minute after the whole thing goes kaboom, some random fire marshal comes on the phone at the facility (which is still working and not charred and melted from the flames), speaks incoherently, and then just leaves.

At this point I'm looking at the Hornswaggle as Vince's son angle and thinking how realistic it was.

In any case, RD plays John Parr's St. Elmo's Fire as he knew Mike would if he were still with us.(And trust me, he is. He'll probably appear perched on the top of MegaTrolla surprising the Fruitcakes.)

Whatever, let us continue. An hour after Candice blogs some truthfully nice and thankful words to those in the company she is leaving from, WWE removes the blog and any mention of her from their site. (:67) Jeez, it's like she's part of the Iranian protests going on right now or something. Also, was she released for being too fat? Blade doesn't care however, he wants to eat something while having sex with her. If I were him I'd eat an In-N-Out Burger while doing the deed. People are still upset that Donald Trump doesn't own the WWE anymore. Blade wants to interact with RD's pre-taped segments on the show one day and see how it goes. But he's still sad over the Candice firing.

Seventeen Inches:
Candice got released.
This week at Trolla's website:
Clocktrollas half-off.

RD: "You know, I really thought the last five syllables of this week's haiku -  I didn't know how you were gonna do it -  but I really thought the last five syllables were going to be: Mikhail Gorbachev."

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