149 Not with a bang but a whimper: June 26, 2009

76 minutes

Sad News: The show is back on the airwaves after having skipped a week. ACTUAL "Supposed" Sad News: Candice Michelle and Sim Snuka Jr. have been released. Blade, obviously drunk from the news, makes fun of Sim's name and wants to gag Candice. He searches for her online rather than do his Co-Fruitcake job on this radio progrem. Once again RD thinks Blade is making things up. Mention of the good old Clocktrolla makes the Co-Fruitcakes wonder if they should repeat the same jokes. (:07)

Meanwhile the Curse is having its damn fool effect killing off Ed McMahon, while Walter Cronkite is close to being no longer with us thanks to these two. Blade wants Ashley Massaro to be on the show, RD wants Vince Russo to return. There's also the "big celebration" of Mike Check trying to break the TNA corresponding record, but RD is still angry at the bumper sticker selling (:11) They wonder if Greg had sex with Mike Check's daughter, most likely in his brothel (how would that work?).

Blade took a TRIP to the convenience store (:14) and spends his time trying out some more Doritos flavors. In other words nothing happens for 10 minutes on a show with "wrestling news like no place else".

Jim Ross calls in afterwards to bitch and moan some more. (:24) He's angry at shilling Kentucky Grilled Chicken at RAW, and he tells his 'story' of meeting Colonel Sanders and thinking him a Grand Wizard of the KKK. Even more bizarre is his random reference to former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, making RD crack up even as he continues to mention Michael Cole's "fag house". (...how would that work also?)

From there the two call Sir Alec (:31) who's strangely enough suddenly in mainland America somewhere. (Well, he's 'normally up Blade's street', so in this case somewhere apart from that.) He's unusually evasive this week, making strange noises with the help of RD's computer as he leaves without telling a story. It's almost like he's hiding something that RD & Blade will ultimately forget about a week or so from now...

DESTRUCITY
of a good painting canvas
To some Obscure News, the Warrior is now an Ultimate Knife Painter. (:35) The Co-Fruitcakes look at his works at http://www.warriorgallery.com, which mostly look to be Greg Valentine dressed up as a native American. Blade, now drunk enough to be randomly pressing buttons on his phone, feels moved enough to paint a picture of Candice Michelle to auction for some money should he get around to actually doing so. He should paint one of Stubby and have him sign it.

As RD brings up the terrible thought of Linda Hogan being RAW GM at :44 and possibly giving Vince ideas, the Hulk is trying to stop paying alimony to his wife by trying to make it so that the money is being used for drugs. Hmmm, I guess he's actually the one taking those drugs and coming up with that stupid idea.

The phone rings again, but this time it's none other than good old John Thomas. (:46) After being fired from his former job thanks to Chris Hansen, he's now calling on behalf of DBR Services for "Mike The Czech." So that explains it, he's secretly Keyser Soze! The closest he found of him before was some random abortion clinic. (... ...how would that work also?)

Moving on from that to this week's Question, (:53) Mike N. (Nesmith?) tries to summon Paul Christy to the show, but unfortunately he's on vacation with the woman sexual Triple Kelly and can't attend.

And now to our live remote with Mike Check (:56), at a fireworks factory celebrating his tie for that random record of theirs. Sigh. This whole "Summer Sizzlin' Splashin' Spectacular" was him attending some Star Wars convention, go to some gun show, and fly a helicopter. That's it. Peter Gazer was more active than him. Hell, Stubby did more than him!

Blade shares my negativity too, still pissed at the veteran DJ for some reason. Mike circumvents this by failing to pretend he doesn't know this John Thomas of DBR Services, instead remembering his days at KBNG "The Big Kabang" in Cheyanne Wyoming, where he was known as Roman Candle and did a show with "The Sparklers".

He then chooses to smoke a cigar given to him from some British chap.

Apparently he failed to notice it was from the ACME company, or that you shouldn't smoke in a goddamn motherfucking fireworks factory. Remind me again what he's doing here? As expected the place goes up in a big explosion, kinda like this show. To further expand the truthiness of the radio progrem, in less than a minute after the whole thing goes up, some random fire marshal comes on the phone at the facility (which is still working and not charred and melted from the flames), sounds incoherently like Blade, and then just leaves.

At this point I'm looking at the Hornswaggle as Vince's son angle and thinking how realistic it was.

In any case, RD plays John Parr's St. Elmo's Fire as he knew Mike would if he were still with us.(And trust me, he is. He'll probably appear perched on the top of MegaTrolla surprising the Fruitcakes.)

Anyway. An hour after Candice blogs some truthfully nice and thankful words to those in the company she is leaving from, WWE removes the post and any mention of her from their site. (:67) It's not as if there are online dirtsheets and pages that could chronicle and record and save such things yes? (Not this one of course. Also I am pretty sure wrestling websites are too new of a thing for Vince to understand.) Also, was she released for being too fat? Blade doesn't care however, he wants to eat something while having sex with her. I suggest an In-N-Out Burger. People are still upset that Donald Trump doesn't own the WWE anymore. Blade wants to interact with RD's pre-taped segments on the show one day like Vince did and see how well it goes. But he's still sad over the Candice firing.

Seventeen Inches:
Candice got released.
This week at Trolla's website:
Clocktrollas half-off.

RD: "You know, I really thought the last five syllables of this week's haiku -  I didn't know how you were gonna do it -  but I really thought the last five syllables were going to be: Mikhail Gorbachev."

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